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[Elena]

Well said Pixie

I cant believe the attitude of some people.  My OH keeps saying things like "oh, what did he do then?  Did he just put his arm around her?"  etc etc    If he keeps on in that vein he could be my EX OH.

Worse still, women at work saying "oh why are they coming forward now? It's just for publicity/compo."  For goodness sake!  Why dont women support each other?

I just keep quiet so in my own way I am failing to support too 

[ladybird52]

I think it is very important that no matter how long ago the abuse happens that the victim gets the chance of some sort of resolution if they can.  My mother in law and her brother were sent away to the country as children during WW2 and were abused by the family looking after them and they were too terrified to tell anybody or their parents what had happened to them when they returned home.  They kept this secret for many years and didn't tell anybody about it until a few years ago during a family get together and it came as a shock that she decided after 60 years to talk about it and tell us what happened to her as a young girl.  Yes she went on to have a husband & family but it took lots of courage to tell us and she feels better now that it is out in the open.

[Meggie]

Following on from my previous post, I certainly don't want to be pitied by anyone for what happened to me. 

The man who abused me was a family friend  who will be known as “H” whose wife had passed away during childbirth, her baby died too.  My parents befriended him and we became the family he didn't have.  My Sisters and I spent a lot of time visiting "H" every day during our primary school years and were expected to help him with jobs at home.  I was a very well developed 11 year old and was often forced into corners by him, when my sisters weren't with me.  On one occasion my parents insisted I go to his house and help him move his bedroom around and collect his bedding which my Mum said she would wash for him.  I was horrified at the thought of going upstairs with him.  I was totally naive as to sexual connotations - it was in the early 60's and I didn't fully understand what could happen but, I just sensed it was wrong.  My Mum found me 'hanging about' avoiding visiting him and she 'shepherded' me across to his house so I had no choice but to help him with cleaning his bedroom.  I couldn't wait to get away so got the job done in double quick time, fighting being pinned down on the bed and his groping hands and finally being interrupted by one of my Sisters, shouting upstairs.  After this incident I made a point of taking friends or my Sisters with me although it wasn't always possible, so I just had to get through the situation.  Luckily penetrative sex never took place but on his part, it wasn't through lack of  him trying !

This post has allowed me to get this off my chest.  I had counselling when I divorced my former Husband of 26 years and the situation of abuse was discussed as was my childhood.  My Counsellor made a very valid statement "If you were the family this man never had, what gave him the right to sexually abuse you?".

I was unable to tell my parents – they felt they were doing good helping “H” and although they always told us that we could speak to them about anything, I knew there would be questions and I felt ashamed and was scared.  As time went on I just bottled it up and when they spoke about “H” I kept quiet.  Time passed as it does and I felt unable to discuss the past as I did not want to see their hurt – they trusted this man and although he did wrong, I could not deal with the pain of their hurt in that they would feel that they had failed me.  So I kept quiet!  When my parents passed away I told my brother and sisters because, I wanted to know whether they had been subjected to the same – thankfully, they had not.

Phew - this lot has certainly stirred things up - I probably should have started another thread.

Meggie

[pixie]

 Hi Meggie, Its good to get it off our chests once in a while.

As far as all this TV stuff goes, I don't feel pity, but a certain amount of anger on behalf of the people who have been on the receiving end of low lifes like Saville and Hall and had to watch these smarmy, psychopathic self deluded celebrities parading themselves with knighthoods etc on the TV!!

[Firewalker50]

Hi Meggie

I don't pity you but I do have compassion for your experience and situation and I am glad that the counsellor put it into perspective.

I have never wanted pity either from anyone.

SuziQ - interesting that I can put the sexual situation behind me but cannot put the physical and emotional abuse I got from my parents behind me in the same way (I have referred to this in some posts a while ago).  Perhaps because I believe it was their responsibility to love and cherish and nurture me; and so it was probably a much greater hurt and betrayal of their responsibilities.

I do not think we can compare the suffering of others to our own. We can only experience our own experiences and your abuse will have affected you just as significantly.   

I read a book recently called "I was a sex Slave".   Started with sexual abuse in the home and went from bad to worse until she was captured and became a sex slave in Amsterdam Red Light District.
The statistics for that were shocking!  There but for the grace of god goes anyone ................

Fx

[Meggie]

Hi Firewalker50

I hear what you say. 

This type of experience is very individual.

My experience was not my fault and although it took me 40 years to come to terms with it, I believe that it made me a stronger person, eventually.  This post is not about me.

I have heard about the book you have read and thought about reading it - I may do so.

We have but one life - it's what you make of it.

Meggie

[Firewalker50]

HI Meggie

If it is of any help - the book is not a self pitying book.  And not written for gratuitious horror.  Very factual I thought.  I am referring to the one written by Sarah Forsyth.  I think it got 4 or 5 stars in the reviews.   Actually, it followed a book I read on slavery in America and she refers to that at some points.   

I know what you mean about the post not being about you (or me for that matter).    HOwever, just as others came out of the woodwork with the JS et al debacle, so too, has it opened doors for some people on here to share experiences that may not have been dealt with before.   
Actually, in reality, the reaction has reflected some of the reaction by the victims of JS etc.  The door is open - an opportunity to tell their story and share.

Anyway, this was just to let you know the book I was referring to since there are a few.

Fx

[CLKD]

Jim Davidson has been acquitted.  Rolf Harris is to stand trial  .

This has brought to the fore a situation I initiated at the age of 13    .......... dealt with and forgotten until 2 weeks ago. It is what it is ....... I didn't realise it was wrong of me.  I felt excitement, felt I was being cared for by someone outside the family, felt safe with the guy ....... we met up again 3 years ago very briefly and I so wanted to say 'sorry' but unless he remembers .......... there's no point. 

[honeybun]

Not sure what you mean CLKD.

A 13yr old is a child no matter how grown up they feel. An adult has to control any situation and make sure it never happens again.
Not sure whether you want to discuss this more fully.

I am disappointed by Rolph Harris. I grew up watching him...He was a nice part of my childhood. Why do some men feel that this is an appropriate thing to do to a child.

Sad really......Yes sad is the word to describe how I feel.

Honeyb
X

[Elena]

It's horrible

Nobody should say the child is at fault, the child is never at fault.

I feel worried for you CLKD.  Are you ok?  You can seek help still, it is never too late. 

[CLKD]

I am fine.  I can see from my experiences how these situations evolve.  I hadn't thought about them for years until 4/5 years ago ........ like much of my guilt or when I have let someone 'down' in life it pops up unexpectedly long after the situations. 

I feel SO sad for Rolfe and DLT    ..............    I also wonder who, from those years, are burying their heads 

[Taz2]

I'm not sure that "sad" is a term I would use CLKD when thinking of a grown man preying on underage girls and also the fact that he had indecent images of children. I wonder what happened to the children.

Taz

[honeybun]

I don't feel sorry for them. I feel disgusted that they would do such a thing.
I am sad that I spent at least part of my childhood thinking that these men were great when all along they were abusing children.

If they are proved to be guilty then I would lock them up and throw away the key.

Honeyb
X

[CLKD]

<sigh> yep Indecent images too   ............ out of curiosity?  Deliberately targeting children he was involved with and kept photos  : or found some which were down-loaded     ......... I wonder if the truth will ever be known    .............

[Taz2]

Not curiosity - men like this don't download or acquire images out of curiosity they do it to use for their own purposes. Children such as these are being abused and photographed and filmed all the time - it gives me the creeps to think of a man in his eighties watching such stuff.

I think we do know the truth CLKD - the evidence must have been there to charge him.

Taz