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Author Topic: Time running out/aversion to rat race  (Read 1196 times)

Fortysomethibg

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Time running out/aversion to rat race
« on: February 17, 2017, 01:50:19 PM »

Hello all

I wonder if anyone else can relate to the way I have been feeling now for about 8 years.

I worry that time is running out. My mother died 10 years ago at just 61, after she worked all her life and only got one year of retirement to  finally enjoy doing what she wanted.

Now I worry that maybe my life will go the same way. I hate that I have to spend 7 hours a day at work 5 days a week and the rest of the time is spent doing chores to get ready for Monday again.

I have struggled to come up with a solution but I can't. Unless I win the lottery or marry a rich man, simple fact is, like everyone, I  have to work to pay the bills.

The feelings are getting stronger though and play on my mind alot. Its really starting to get me down and I don't know what to do about it.  Perhaps I just have to work on accepting that this is life, we work until we retire (if we live that long) and hope that we are in good enough health to be able to enjoy our retirement. If we are unlucky, we work until we die - its this aspect that scares me the most.

Its not about laziness or money, I simply want more time to just enjoy simple living, like a walk in the park, time to smell the roses as they say.

I'd love to know if anyone else battles with this or can suggest how to overcome these feelings.

Thanks
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nearly50

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Re: Time running out/aversion to rat race
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2017, 02:22:41 PM »

I feel like that every Sunday at 6pm, but I don't really dwell on it. My brother passed away at 58 so didn't even get to retire, but none of us know what the future holds. I enjoy my job though, sounds like you maybe don't? Would a change of scene make the difference? Could you afford to go down to 4 days maybe? Could you ditch the housework/chores and spent this weekend doing what you want, when you want?
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CLKD

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Re: Time running out/aversion to rat race
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2017, 03:25:44 PM »

When my Mum got to 70 I was very very depressed and woke one morning thinking "People die at 70".  My body went into over-drive and I felt ILL for weeks.  She's now 90!  Once the ADs had kicked in this fear lessened a bit.  Now I worry about DH dying  :sigh:

Do you have hobbies?
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!

Charlotte ...

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Re: Time running out/aversion to rat race
« Reply #3 on: February 17, 2017, 03:47:51 PM »

Me too CLKD, I am a bag of anxiety, I have no one else in my life but him and am too isolated, all my own fault, I've been anxious and stress all of my life. I do keep thinking, ' is this all there is?'
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CLKD

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Re: Time running out/aversion to rat race
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2017, 04:05:29 PM »

"all there is" is absolutely fine as long as it doesn't come with anxiety.  Most days I don't see people other than Himself and shop assistants, it's enough.  We have people that we see when doing our various hobbies but we don't mix as we did when in our 20s/30s.  Been there, done all that  ::)
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!

bramble

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Re: Time running out/aversion to rat race
« Reply #5 on: February 17, 2017, 06:29:42 PM »

'I hate that I have to spend 7 hours a day at work 5 days a week and the rest of the time is spent doing chores to get ready for Monday again.'
What sort of chores are you doing that is taking all your time?  Unless you have a big family or a huge commute, you should still have a few hours or more to spend on yourself during the week and all weekend. Perhaps it is now time to assess just what you do with your time and find some avenues you can enjoy. Even when I was working 12 hour days I still found time for nights out with friends and weekends free. It kept me sane.
No-one knows how long we have - we must enjoy the time we have and spend it on meaningful pursuits - whatever floats your boat. Maybe it's time for a total change - your job, your lifestyle, your thinking processes.

Bramble
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A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. Oliver Wendell Holmes

katsclaws

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Re: Time running out/aversion to rat race
« Reply #6 on: February 17, 2017, 06:44:39 PM »

I spend most of my weekend doing housework too. I work full-time, get up at 6am, walk dogs for an hour, work 8.30am -5pm, walk dogs, prepare meal & clean up afterwards ( husband does all these things too.). I sit down at 8pm and am ready for bed at 9pm. I'm just too tired to do housework during the week which means a lot to do at weekends. I too am desperate to retire. I am 60.
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Stellajane

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Re: Time running out/aversion to rat race
« Reply #7 on: February 18, 2017, 09:18:01 AM »

I can totally relate to your feelings fortysomething - and yours katsclaws.

For me it was never about the work as such, it was just the endless deadly routine of it all - the slavery to the alarm clock, the dreaded commute on public transport, the same old same old ...  followed by weekends taken up with catching up on washing, shopping, gardening and duty visits to parents!  It drove me absolutely crazy. OK I may still have been physically fit enough to continue, but what about mental wellbeing in all of this??

I'm very very lucky in that I was able to retire at 60, mainly because OH is a little older and willing to share his pension. We've had to cut back on any luxuries but I can tell you those roses really do smell sweet.

I used to have a plan in mind for if I'd had to continue working and it was to move to a very small flat, very close to where I worked (which would have been a City high rise!). I couldn't see any other way that I'd ever have any 'me' time otherwise.

Part of the problem is personality type I think. I don't like endless routine - have always needed frequent changes of job, house etc. Other people see things differently. My SIL will continue working forever I think - she sees retiring as giving in to old age LOL.

Its horrible when this feeling of being trapped hits - I wish you all well in finding creative ways to get around it.
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cubagirl

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Re: Time running out/aversion to rat race
« Reply #8 on: February 18, 2017, 09:22:57 AM »

My father died aged 46. My brother & I both felt the same around that age.  Was this it?  Still here aged 60.
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CLKD

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Re: Time running out/aversion to rat race
« Reply #9 on: February 18, 2017, 12:46:10 PM »

Whereas when my routine is threatened, panic sets in  :-\
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Ju Ju

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Re: Time running out/aversion to rat race
« Reply #10 on: February 18, 2017, 02:50:10 PM »

Fortysomething, you sound very low. As nearly50 suggested, you sound as if you do not enjoy your job. Is that the problem? Spending so many hours doing something you do not enjoy will drag you down. Your situation does not help you to flourish.

You need to work to pay the bills and to contribute to your pension, but this doesn't mean you don't have choices. How many years have you got to work till you retire? What kind of work would you really like to do? Is there any possibility of changing jobs, sideways move where you work or retraining?

Who are you doing all the household cores for? From your post, you sound as if you are on your own. Are there household tasks you could do less often? Who's the judge and jury on what's done or not done? (I've had to let go on preconceived standards (tendency towards OCD) around the home due to health issues. It's really quite liberating!)

Your main responsibility is to yourself! Making time to do the 'me' things, the things you enjoy, the self care things. That's far more important than housework! Looking after yourself. Going for walks, smelling the roses! You have time away from work. Who's stopping you doing these things? What would you like to do in your free time? Do these things and fit the housework around that.

I remember my Mum finding the age of 63 difficult to get through, particularly as all her family died young, but she got through it. She'll be 90 later this year! My sister died at age 50. I turned this around and did the things I had said I would do...one day, while I could. My one day had come. I went travelling cheaply. I didn't wait for perfect circumstances. I'm so glad I did, as I couldn't go now.

Have some fun! Make a list of what you would love to do, but don't dismiss any for financial or practical reasons. Big and small dreams! Take your time. Without restrictions you will find out eventutually what you really want. Then is the time to consider the how.
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bramble

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Re: Time running out/aversion to rat race
« Reply #11 on: February 18, 2017, 03:55:19 PM »

JuJu - exactly what I was trying to say but you said it better!

Bramble
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A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. Oliver Wendell Holmes

nearly50

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Re: Time running out/aversion to rat race
« Reply #12 on: February 18, 2017, 03:58:26 PM »

I have been thinking about this and I live alone and probably spend about 3 or 4 hours of the weekend cleaning the house, washing and doing groceries. Some weekends much less. As Juju says, could you see what chores you could do less often?
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katsclaws

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Re: Time running out/aversion to rat race
« Reply #13 on: February 18, 2017, 05:10:03 PM »

I suppose it depends on the number of people in the house, size of house, number of dogs etc. We also have a large fruit and vegetable garden. We are three adults in our house. As  Stellajane has said it's the repetition day in day out. I'm still making packed lunches every week day. I've worked for my current company for 22 years. 
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Ju Ju

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Re: Time running out/aversion to rat race
« Reply #14 on: February 18, 2017, 07:18:37 PM »

Katsclaw, 3 adults and sharing of tasks! They can make their own pack lunches!

We women have to stand our ground and I'm talking to myself with a DH who is so rendered helpless when confronted with the washing machine, yet understands the workings of a car engine!

I am pleased to have brought up children who are capable when it comes to housework, including my son. He's taken us both to task. Me for not being assertive and DH for not doing enough!

My mum used to do everything, mainly because no one could live up to her standards, but my dad has had to learn in his 80s and 90s how to do things, as mum is too frail physically. She directs operations!

It's hard to let go and let others do things their own way, not my way. I have had to do this in the last few months. I couldn't do much, though I cleaned the loos and put stuff in the washing machine. It would have taken more energy to explain how to do things! I'm doing more now, but I'm feeling the benefits. DH is cooking dinner! ;)

So relax, delegate and praise any efforts that approximate a reasonable standard! Gentle constructive suggestions go down much better when accompanied by appreciation.
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