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[jessieblue]

Hi again.  Today I am totally overwhelmed.  Im trying to get  a plan worked out going forward to get my symptoms under control.  At the moment they are ruining my life.  I have bladder and vaginal problems and have been given some great advice from here which I am doing my best to follow.  I also am setting up a meno specialist appointment to look further into hrt.  I have been struggling badly with anxiety and health anxiety and I am totally not coping with it all at the moment.  I was just wondering does anyone else struggle to cope?  I will admit, today is one of those days I am not sure I have the strength to go on.  I dont seem to be able to get any further forward and one problem is swiftly replaced by another.  I have been seeing a counsellor but tbh its not been very effective in helping my anxiety.  I have tried to avoid medication but am resigned to having to try anything at the moment.  I just feel my problems are unresolveable.......I cannot explain why.  I just feel every treatment I try creates further problems and Im afraid to try anything else for fear of getting worse.  Can anyone relate?  I know Im probably a bit of a one off crazy loon but if there is anyone else out there having these feelings it would be great to know how you cope.  Thank you ladies. xx

[CLKD]

Oh yes, I can soooo relate.  I would look at my Anti-depressant medication or food and my brain would ask 'what if these make you feel worse?'.  In fact my body was hungry but I didn't recognise it, because I felt SO ill.

Maybe keeping a mood/food/symptom diary would help.  Jot down your monthly cycle, when you bleed, late/early, how heavy/light.  HRT can help a lot but it can be Trial and Error finding a regime that eases symptoms!

The bladder problems should be tackled first.  Mine began as repeated urine infection-type symptoms but after a couple of urine samples had been sent to a lab. for testing and returned negative, my GP advised treatment for vaginal atrophy.  As oestrogen levels drop off the body may become dry: inside and out  : nostrils, deep in the ears, vagina, skin - because the skin thins too.  Ask your GP for either Vagifem or Ovestin1mg - both are used every night for 2 weeks delivered into the vagina - then every 3rd and 5/6th night or more if required. 

Some ladies find that another lubricant is required on the outer vaginal lips to keep the whole area moist.  For me it felt like razor blades up there  but treatment has sorted it.  The take-up is totally localised, i.e. around the vagina, in order to plump up tissues.

It ain't called The Change for nowt 

[jessieblue]

Thanks CKLD.  I am post meno....well so far as I was told by one doctor.  I have had mirena coil for 6 years and so havent had a bleed since that was inserted.  Last month I asked for a blood test to see if i was post meno.  Had some spotting after using canesten internal cream and the blood test came back as post meno.  However a nurse told me not to remove the mirena until i am 55.....I am 53 now as the blood test can be unreliable and i could still get the heavy bleeding back.  So I was prescibed ovestin after asking for it but that has made me sore/thrush.....not sure but thats what I am.  I am off to ask for vagifem to see if I can tolerate that better. So I dont have a cycle to diarise but every day is a bad day for me right now.  Im not sure if the symptoms are all in my head sometimes.  However I cannot amke up a flaming red fanny!  Mentally I am just not handling this very well at all.  I feel total loss of control and I fee scared of my body and what it will do to me next.......do you know what I mean?  I just feel its all so overwhelming and I miss the old me....the one that was healthy and fit and sexy.  I feel that is gone forever.  Everyday i have a massive breakdown and blub for an hour or so.....its the only thing that brings relief....well that and wine!  This is no way to be is it?

[CLKD]

I certainly do know what you mean!  I thought that a coil lasted about 5 years  , I'm sure someone will be along to correct me!  I doubt if blood tests would give a true result if you have that in situ?!?

Were you diagnosed with thrush which can thrive on sugars?  Give Vagifem a whirl and think about other soothing lotions to apply to the outer lips.  The idea is to keep everything down there supple so that it doesn't itch!  Any thin skin will itch  .

Don't blub into the wine    ......... a good cry clears the system, go with it!  I can't cry  when a good blub would help a lot. 

You won't get the old you back until your hormones are settled ...... it's finding what suits each individual!

[jessieblue]

I dont think I have properly been diagnosed with anything tbh.  The uti was proven by culture otherwise noone seems to find anything wrong.  I had my backside checked as I was having rectal bleeding......they said piles then fissure and the doctor noticed a lot of redness around my vulval area.  I didnt actually have symptoms at that time.  I mean no itching or burning really but had been on ciprofloxacin for 10 days for the uti.  She said Oh you have some thrush....I can cure that with a tablet and gave me fluconazole.  I took it nothing much happened.  A few weeks later burning and soreness returned and I thought maybe that was thrush.  \so treated with canesten internal cream.  It caaused a massive burning and bleed.  I was sore red and swollen from the treatment and had 10 days of spotting. So I took fluconazole again but still sore for some time. So back to gp.....asked for and paid for a smear....hadnt had one in 6 years.  All came back normal except candida present which it shouldnt have been becasue I had taken the tablet 2 days before and treated with the demon cream!  GP found nothing unusual about the vagina and vulva.  Said it was all normal apart from what looked like a chemical burn.  She said not to use creams in future to stick to the tablet.  She told me to treat again if I had symptoms as candida was present on the smear result.  So I am not really sure what I have except I am damned sore and uncomfortable.  I have used some multigyn as suggesterd but it stung badly and I seem to be getting more irritated by the day.  You know what its like when everything you use causes pain.  Im just trying to leave well alone for a couple of days.  Tonight I am so itchy and burny.  I feel like crying again. Grrrrrr!

[CLKD]

I reacted to Canestan cream, jumped straight into the shower  .  Candida itches, high up; I would get it at the end of each period, lips would itch as well as high up ....... but thrust (thrush even    ) would itch .......... and there was a discharge which I never suffered with.  Can't remember what the Gynae gave me as it was over 30 years ago  .

Do make sure that you wipe from front to back because germs that can be bothersome live in the back passage, including thrush!  I have taken to using personal wet-wipes in my old age  . 

Get a cup by the bath.  Add copious amounts of table salt if you don't have Epsom Salts to tepid water, get in and sit. .......... don't touch your personal places but relax.  Run out the water, rinse with tepid water from the cup all over the body allowing the water to drain through your vagina until you feel clear of salt.  Pat yourself dry, don't rub the area!  Lay on the bed naked and dry off.  If necessary put a small amount of soothing hand cream on the outer lips, do a test first.  Do you have any LIVE yoghurt?  That can be soothing applied to the vaginal lips ;-).

This will pass.  It's about getting the balance 'right' which may take a day/several.  Bugga ......... 

[SandJ]

jessieblue I can't really advise regarding the particular health situation you have but I can say I also have terrible anxiety and feel like my body has let me down. I've had various health issues for 20 years or so (I"m 55). My anxiety is through the roof right now as every time I have a hot flush (10 - 14 a day), it seems to be a kind of panic attack sensation.

I've just started HRT (I made a long post in the 'New Members' area today about this). I am very worried it will make me feel worse but I'm not honestly sure I can feel worse than I do now, so I had to give it a go. And I also feel let down by my doctor(s).

Re the anxiety - I have an app on my phone that is a kind of 'body meditation' - it helps me a lot. It's called 'Yoga Nidra Deep Relaxation Practise" -there are several Yoga Nidra meditions but this is the one you want. It costs about 2 GBP or so - I forget, but it's worth it, I think. Nice voice talking you through a meditation, you don't have to 'do' anything or try hard, just lie down and listen to his voice for 10, 20, or 30 minutes. 

[samweller161]

Maybe speak to your doctor about some anti depressants to get you over this hurdle?  Many ladies take both HRT and AD's together and it seems to help the majority.  Appreciate you might not want to go down this route but surely anything is worth a try to make you feel better?  SO many of us suffer with anxiety with the meno, it seems to be the number 1 symptom apart from the sweats/flushes.

Next time I am def coming back as a man ....

SP x

[jessieblue]

Thank you smirking pixie I have spoken to my doctors several times about my anxiety.  I can have ADs if i want but I am emetophobic.....vomit phobia which makes taking any medication quite traumatic.  Sounds pathetic when I see it written down, but many meds cause nausea which causes me panic attacks so its a vicious cycle really.  I have tried them in the past and had to stop because of course I get every side effect in the book.  I currently take 10mg of amitriptyline in the evening for my bladder and this seems to help me relax.  I sleep ok mostly apart from flushes and some nightmares but Ill take that over the intense anxiety the morning brings.  Again I havent ruled it out but just trying to avoid if I can.  I have had counselling and begin a hypnotherapy course on wednesday.  The NHS have a 6 month wait list so its pay or nothing really.  Its all getting pretty expensive!  I generally do feel that there is no help really, not for difficult cases like me.  I dont seem to respond well to most treatments, maybe thats phsychological and psychosomatic.  I feel I am my worst enemy which makes me loathe myself even more.  Why on earth would I do this to myself??


Sand J I agree with your comments word for word!  I hate myself and my body.  I feel I am intent on destroying myself mentally and physically.  I am resigned to trying HRT too and will give it a go.  I feel so hopeless tho.  I mean \i had faith in medications and doctors at one time.....but I seem to get let down all the time.  Without doing my own research where would I be now.  My heart breaks for my poor husband.  I know he could have a totally normal and happy life if it werent for me. He is young for his age and could even start another family.  Instead he is looking at life with a practically housebound nervous wreck.  I so want him to be free but I have nowhere else to go and no other family or friends now as I isolate myself.  I will read your other post.  Im sorry you feel like this too.....anxiety is an evil disease. I personally think it is every bit as bad as physical diseases.  It takes your joy and your future too.  I totally understand your feelings. xx

[CLKD]

jessie -      we have an emitophobia thread, [mine] - I'll bounce it.  Now that I take beta-blockas which ease anxiety in the gut I am much better.

Also, there are meds which ease any potential nausea.  Ginger is a good stabiliser too. 

STOP feeling guilty about your husband.  Has he said that he finds your present state of mind difficult?  Don't assume!!!! mine always says 'it is what it is'.

Anxiety is EVIL I really agree.  Years ago I was unable to leave the house and felt that I would never go shopping again but with BBs Life turned around.  I still take half a day at a time ;-).

[babyjane]

Me too.  I went down the NHS route at the end of 2015 but they couldn't offer a lot, CBT which was inadequate for a lifetime of chronic stress due to poor parenting issues which left me a very nervous child/adolescent/adult.  It all came to a head Christmas 2014.  I was not prepared to lose the remainder of my life in the same way so I committed to private psychotherapy for 12 months.  It took all the money I get each month but my husband was happy to cover all our other expenses for the duration.  It certainly was not a waste of time or money but it is such a shame when paying privately is the only way to secure effective physical or psychological treatment that is likely to have any lasting beneficial effect.

[Night_Owl]

Hi jessieblue - sorry to read that you are having such a terrible time - can empathise totally as I've experienced similar to what you've described in your posts, I'm saying 'snap' to all of it!  So many of us can relate to what you say about missing the old me - and who the hell am I now ... ?

In my case, I realise that I've had Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD - ie. anxiety about everything!) all my life from a child - but it's only now in middle (age 54) that I can see this more clearly and continually attempt to address it.

The loss of estrogen is what takes the anxiety off the charts and turns it into a real Monster - it affects the brain neurotransmitters and the nervous system - along with all the other estrogen receptor sites of the body.

It sounds like you're describing Vaginal Atrophy - Vagifem is definitely worth trying to soothe and plump vag and bladder tissues - in the meantime, Carlson Vitamin E pessaries or just Vitamin E capsules are soothing to that horrid, cactus-like sensation - can buy online. I had back to back UTIs before I took Vagifem.  I'm prone to thrush too, so I try and avoid sugar and take probiotics - sometimes use vaginal probiotics.

How about trying a low dose patch - you may be amazed by the calming effect.  It is all trial and error so you may have to experiment with dosage.  Like you, my body also does not react well to any medications, there is always a hyper-sensitive reaction - even to paracetamol! - so I always have to go low dose.

I had an early-ish meno at 44 - I spent a fortune on all kinds of alternatives which didn't help one jot - then I just had to take HRT as I couldn't stay alive with how awful / suicidal I was feeling - my anxiety was at its worst then and its always in the background, exacerbated by certain situations.  One thing that I found helped a bit - and I know this sounds lame - is/was just to get on my trainers and go for a long, angry, brisk walk or swim to get rid of all that horrible adrenaline and cortisol coursing through my system.  Magnesium supplements can calm nerves to an extent. But at the end of the day, the only thing that helped was the estrogen patch.

And I bet your husband doesn't want to be free.  I have spent years mood swinging, apologising and crying to my partner  and we've had some truly terrible times all connected to my meno/migraine/health - he gets so fed with me and says it's not what he signed up for - but that he wouldn't have it any other way.  I bet your man is the same.

I hope you find a way forward JB, I know it doesn't help much but you are not alone in how you feel - things can and will improve, bit by bit - keep us posted.

x 

[Mary G]

jessieblue, firstly, I am very sorry to hear about the difficult time you are having but I can relate to it.  I don't know if this will help you but this is my experience. 

My darkest menopause days where when I had a Mirena coil without adequate oestrogen.  My personal view, which is based on my own experience, is that if you are going to have a Mirena coil, you need a high dose of oestrogen to go with it otherwise the synthetic progesterone becomes far too dominant and causes all sorts of problems.  This is what happened to me.  The theory is that most of the progesterone in the Mirena is confined to the womb but in my case enough of it got into my overall system to cause problems.  Unfortunately, I had my first Mirena fitted in 1998 just before my hormones levels started to drop off and looking back, it was the root of all my problems.  It started with panic attacks (I used to have to get off tube trains, I suddenly developed claustophobia and hated lifts and flying, felt nervous driving on motorways), constant low mood, non-stop vaginal itching, burning and frequent urination.  I had endless tests and all came back clear.  When my oestrogen levels dropped very low, I suddenly developed silent migraines which I now know are only caused by synthetic progesterone together with low oestrogen. 

To cut a long story short, the reason I had these symptoms is because my oestrogen level (and possibly testosterone) was far too low, it's as simple as that.  I tried using oestrogen patches with the coil but they didn't produce anything like enough oestrogen to combat these problems - with hindsight, I wish I had tried Oestrogel because I think it would have worked better. 

I felt better as soon as I had the coil removed and now I am on a completely different HRT regime (Oestrogel/Utrogestan/Testosterone) which is brilliant and I can honestly say that all the problems I had went away virtually overnight.  I never have panic attacks now or any of the other problems and I feel completely back to normal as long as I don't take too much progesterone.  I am now 55 and about 10 years post menopause.

Even if you do not have a Mirena coil, if you are oestrogen deficient, chances are you will experience some of the symptoms I mentioned, it seems to go with the territory.  Sorry if this is unhelpful but the only way to treat oestrogen deficiency is replace it.  You might need ADs as well but I would start with oestrogen replacement.

This is only my personal experience and you may be completely different but I hope it helps. 

[jessieblue]

Thank you all so much for these replies.  It really is a comfort to know others hae struggled with the same emotional despair.  I have always had a feeling the mirena has spiked my anxiety somewhat and I was looking forward to having it out to see what I felt like after.  My sex drive died completely with the coil but I could not complain as it fixed the awful bleeding that was not easy to live with either. I really appreciate the support and its good to hear that there may be answers to this puzzle.  I just have to find the right pieces I guess. Love and hugs to you all. xx

[CLKD]

I hope that you can trawl through the suggestions, make notes and see what is suitable for yourself.  You are no longer alone!

Do keep asking if you have any queries.