Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Mindfulmoomins on August 31, 2021, 08:04:28 AM
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Hi everyone,
Me again. I’m still feeling really low and struggling to feel that I’ll ever get better.
I am going to speak to GP and meno clinic (Studd) and I’ve reached out to friends who have been lovely and so supportive.
I just wake up feeling low and empty and hopeless and then spend the day employing various strategies to get through it (distraction, exercise, meditation, resting, doing something for others, being with family etc). All of which help but the feeling is still there and I feel so sad I don’t feel good or like myself and that life is a struggle emotionally at the moment.
I was so sure I’d be feeling brighter by now.
I have been 4 weeks on the increase in oestrogel (so I am now on estradot 100 mg and 3 pumps of oestrogel). I have had a break from progesterone this month but am due to try provera soon (although I cannot risk a dip in mood so will discuss that with the meno clinic).
I take two antidepressants and one was increased about 8 weeks ago and the other 3 weeks and 4 days ago.
I am happy to be referred to a mental health team although I am not keen to take a place that someone else might benefit from. I speak to a counsellor once a week which is supportive and helpful.
I am just not sure this is a mental health issue although it is presenting as such.
I had a similar experience at the start of peri 4 years ago and 4 pumps of oestrogel, a blob of testosterone and 7 days of utrogestan plus an antidepressant at a low dose (added to what I had been taking and well on for years) helped.
Sorry if I am repeating myself from other threads. I just wondered if anyone had any suggestions.
I feel like I might write a book on all this once I’m through it! It’s really the hardest thing ever.
Xx
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So meno clinic have said it can take 2-3 months for increase in oestrogen to start really helping.
They also suggested asking the Gp for a referral to a psychiatrist. Not sure that is the answer but willing to try I guess :'(
Feel kind of shocked that was the suggestion. I feel sure this is hormonal depression.
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Hey I'm sorry to hear that you are not feeling any better.
Have you had any bloods done to check your hormones? I feel exactly like you say and every day is so hard. I am now on 4 sprays of Lenzetto and 30mg AD and still haven't seem a great deal of improvement in low mood (very low) and anxiety. But as I had my bloods done last month and know that my estrogen levels are at 79 this logically explains why so I at least know the reason. Maybe get your bloods check and at least you will have some facts to work from. Also can you add a morning walk to your routine when you first wake up, 30 mins without sunglasses and try to drink at least 2 litres of water a day. Your nervous system needs lots of TLC try googling. I have come accross Dr Wendy Sweet online her philosophy looks good, I think it is about getting new habits in place as well as the HRT/ADs.
Lots of love
S
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Sazzle, thank you so much. A morning walk could hopefully be part of my routine soon after the school run start later this week. That’s a great idea.
I’ll ask the gp for blood tests too today.
Going to look in Dr Wendy Sweet.
Thank you so so much for replying. I am so heartened to know I am not alone but I hope you feel better soon too xxx
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Hi mindful,
Sorry to hear you are still struggling, it’s a horrible journey isn’t it?
Your feelings are very likely to be hormonal related, but some women do take a low dose anti depressant alongside HRT, just to help things along the way. I’ve thought about asking for one too, but I know my feelings are entirely hormonal linked, I hope your medications work for you soon.
You are on a good whack of Oestrogen, but do you think you are absorbing it all? Some don’t absorb transdermal HRT too well. Do you know what your o levels are now?
I think this time of life is really challenging to be honest.
For example, I am now questioning daily some of my decisions which I made 14 years ago aged 36. These decisions seem to be affecting my quality of life and coupled with menopause, I’m also feeling quite fed up with myself.
I think you to be kind to yourself at the moment. Accept that this is how things are for you right now and try to ride the
storm so to speak.
Hopefully the increased HRT will kick in soon but I think it would be worth getting your levels checked, as it’s been 4 weeks now anyway.
Xxxx🌸🌸🌸🌸
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Just putting this out there, hope that's OK.
I take antidepressants and was taking Hrt also for the past 18 months. I became much more depressed than usual on oestradiol, even when I skipped progesterone. For progesterone I took Utrogestan and also Provera. For oestrogen I have used patches and gel. Both are depressing but the patches were the worst.
Each time I've reduced or come off Hrt I have recovered mentally. It was amazing for anxiety though.
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Sorry, no advice. Just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling so bad and hope you can find a way forward :hug:
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Thank you everyone.
I’m hopefully getting my bloods done today after speaking to the Gp who was lovely.
I am really hoping it’s not the oestrogen that is making me feel so low. I am reluctant to tamper with that as it helped getting the dose right previously when peri started.
My mood just shifted about 30 mins ago, out of the blue. I don’t feel really good but I don’t feel such despair. I just don’t understand what is going on but feel so strongly my own hormones might be creating some chaos in the background. That shift from one mood to another I have only felt when, for example, I have come on or after I gave birth (both those events helped my mood really quickly).
It’s so exhausting. Thank you everyone, I’d be lost without you on here xxx
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I can relate to the sudden changes, I really feel the fluctuations.
If you increase your dose would it be best to add in a different method of delivery, gel, spray, tablet or different make patch. My menopause specialist adds a different type to try to get the Estrogen in.
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Good point floo. I’ll see what the blood test says and then take it from there.
Xxx
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Hi Mindfulmoomins,
I can totally relate. I too continue to feel not myself and today and yesterday have been the worst days in a long time (after a relatively ok last week), which makes me so frustrated and sad. I thought I'd be on my way to a better place already and then this week started again with a huge step backwards and I feel like there's not been any progress since April (though I know that's not true as I was feeling even worse then). Its just so sad as it feels like precious life is being wasted feeling like this, without any real reason -just the hormones. :'(
Unfortunately can't really share any advice as I continue to struggle myself, but wanted to sympathise and tell that you are not alone.
I'm at the moment still on EstroGel but unsure how long to continue. I've been back with gel for 5 weeks now and am thinking that surely, if this was going to work for me, I'd feel better already. So I probably have to make yet another try with something else, whether its Lenzetto or moving to oral. Its just that starting again with something new sounds also quite overwhelming, knowing that it will then take another few months before seeing if it works.
I guess the only thing we can really do is to breathe, take one day at a time and keep the faith that things will get better!!
Take care xxx
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Ella, I am so sorry to hear you have been feeling similarly.
It does feel so frustrating and sad to take a step or two backwards.
I too am taking a deep breath and taking things one day, sometimes one hour at a time and hoping I can feel some improvement soon.
Thinking of you xxx
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I’m struggling too. It feels like a deep dark hole. My troubles started when I didn’t get on with the HRT and had to come off.
Who would know what chaos our hormones can cause!
My ads haven’t kicked in yet …. 9 days in. Maybe they are not the right ones either.
I find some relaxing guided meditation helps for a bit, and trying to distract myself from negative thoughts…. Although this is easier said than done! I’m sure it takes practice. Xx
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Ella, I am so sorry to hear you have been feeling similarly.
It does feel so frustrating and sad to take a step or two backwards.
I too am taking a deep breath and taking things one day, sometimes one hour at a time and hoping I can feel some improvement soon.
Thinking of you xxx
Thank you dear -so grateful for this forum and the support here!
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I’m struggling too. It feels like a deep dark hole. My troubles started when I didn’t get on with the HRT and had to come off.
Who would know what chaos our hormones can cause!
My ads haven’t kicked in yet …. 9 days in. Maybe they are not the right ones either.
I find some relaxing guided meditation helps for a bit, and trying to distract myself from negative thoughts…. Although this is easier said than done! I’m sure it takes practice. Xx
I haven't tried ADs myself but have understood that it takes 2 weeks before the benefits start to be observed, so perhaps its just a bit too soon for you right now? It seems quite many feel actually worse during the first days. So, if you don't feel worse, I suppose that is already a good thing, meaning that you will not be getting any nasty side effects. Maybe already tomorrow is the day you'll start feeling the effect!
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Finding the right type and dose of Estrogen is the tricky bit but don’t give up. In peri blood tests won’t really tell you if you absorb transdermals because of fluctuations, I’m sure they can help post menopause though, this is my experience of blood tests anyway and I won’t be doing any more until post if I have to.
Some of us need to use an awful lot of Estrogen to treat symptoms because of absorption issues and how out bodies metabolise. I was afraid but I’m not anymore because I am just trying to give back what I have lost, nothing more just enough to feel well again. I’m not there yet but finally feel I’m getting there, there is light in the very distant tunnel finally after 10 years the last 2 1/2 from hell.
We will get there.
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Oh Floo, so pleased you feel you are getting somewhere. It’s so important isn’t it to feel there is some momentum in a helpful direction.
Not sure the bloods would be that helpful either but if the reading is low I guess it might suggest I am not absorbing well? Xx
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Trouble is the reading may be high which will mislead you into thinking you absorb especially if you are still unwell. I have had around 13 Estrogen bloods done over the last few years and kept being told all is normal or high yet I was still suffering. I finally got one that was low that proved to myself more than anything that it was just fluctuations and not how my bloods really were, on the same dose hrt they ranged from 400 to 5000. In peri go by symptoms going bloods have made me suffer longer than I should. My menopause doctor can see that now also and we are going by symptoms. I still have severe symptoms and have a way to go but I’m improving and hoping to get well soon.
I feel for you but please keep going to find the one that works for you.
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Thanks Floo, that’s helpful.
I have been trying to go mainly by symptoms but it’s so tricky as I feel really low and anxious so the meno clinic said it might be worth me seeing a psychiatrist. Not sure how I feel about that. It feels hormonal and I am reluctant to keep increasing antidepressants.
They also want me to give the increase in oestrogen longer.
Trying to keep things in the day at the moment is hard when I feel so unlike me but I am doing my best xx
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We can only do our best.
Would you mind saying what anti depressants you are taking, as I have had no difference at all with the citalopram I’m on.
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Hi Suzy,
I was always on 40 mg Fluoxetine (for many years). Then when peri started and after months of struggling the GP added 15 mg of mirtazapine. This started to help about 4-6 weeks later.
So, when I started struggling again the Gp suggested going up in Mirtazapine to 30 mgs. I’m not sure that has helped sadly so now the fluoxetine has been increased to 60 mgs 3 and a half weeks ago.
It’s not what I want or at all where I thought I would be but I feel so desperate to feel better xx
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Thanks Floo, that’s helpful.
I have been trying to go mainly by symptoms but it’s so tricky as I feel really low and anxious so the meno clinic said it might be worth me seeing a psychiatrist. Not sure how I feel about that. It feels hormonal and I am reluctant to keep increasing antidepressants.
They also want me to give the increase in oestrogen longer.
Trying to keep things in the day at the moment is hard when I feel so unlike me but I am doing my best xx
I agree, going by the symptoms is not easy and takes a lot of time as well. I've managed to control now the worst debilitating symptoms but the lingering ones are still significantly impacting quality of life and I don't seem to get a good understanding of whether I need more oestrogen, or if it needs to be delivered differently to create more stability, or if I actually would need to adjust dose according to my own cycle. I can clearly feel my own cycle in the background and it feels it completely overrides the HRT. ??? So then the dose that is right in the first week of cycle may already be too high during ovulation etc. Last month I felt exceptionally bad mid cycle which I concluded was that I had too high o although I had kept the Estrogel dose stable.. seems endless struggle with peri.. hoping so much to soon reach the actual menopause so that things would settle.
In your case, I guess its good to follow the advice and give the increased oestradiol more time to work. Do you feel any improvement at all since the increase or exactly the same? If at least small improvement, it might be a signal that you're on your way to settle but just need more time. I suppose seeing the psychiatrist wouldn't hurt, but I can understand you're not that keen. But perhaps you could find a psychiatrist with experience in menopause related mood issues? Talking to someone who'd really know what happens in brain during this time might actually be a good idea.
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Thanks Ella, that’s a really good way to look at it.
I am not sure I am feeling better on more estrogen sadly. I have less aches I think though but mood wise I am not sure there’s improvement unfortunately and that is what I would dearly love to see get better.
I am totally the same; I don’t know whether I need more e or less. My hunch is more but it’s so hard to know in peri!
Xx
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It seems the mood symptoms are the hardest to treat and last ones to resolve with HRT, unfortunately. :'( I have the same experience, physical symptoms have pretty much gone but I'm stuck with the anxiety, which is just not letting go.
In my case, I do realise it's also partly because I'm paying so much attention to my mood and constantly assessing how I'm feeling. I should be focusing more on other things as I realise every time something else truly catches my attention, I forget how I feel and then realise that I actually have felt better during that time. Its just that now its already been so many months with this struggle that I've become accustomed to this, which is horrible. Its like almost being addicted to the constant self observation. I wish I would learn to let it go and stop paying so much attention, I'm sure the symptoms would clear on their own time.
Do you have a timeline agreed with clinic how long you should wait for improvement with the current regime? Another though just came to my mind: are you sleeping well? I find it helps so much if I can get a good night sleep. I've understood that if estrogen is at the right level, we should sleep well. I'm clearly not yet there as I wake up most nights somewhere around 3-5 am, which I think is a classical sign of low oestrogen. If I'm lucky I'll fall asleep again, but even in that case, its not yet the same as having a full nights sleep without interruptions. Wish I'll get to that point eventually.
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Hi Suzy,
I was always on 40 mg Fluoxetine (for many years). Then when peri started and after months of struggling the GP added 15 mg of mirtazapine. This started to help about 4-6 weeks later.
So, when I started struggling again the Gp suggested going up in Mirtazapine to 30 mgs. I’m not sure that has helped sadly so now the fluoxetine has been increased to 60 mgs 3 and a half weeks ago.
It’s so difficult to get the right balance isn’t it. My dr has suggested sticking with the citalopram as it can take 4-6 weeks to feel the full benefit.
…. But then without the right hormonal balance are ADs enough on their own?
It’s not what I want or at all where I thought I would be but I feel so desperate to feel better xx
It’s so difficult to get the right balance isn’t it. My dr has suggested sticking with the citalopram as it can take 4-6 weeks to feel the full benefit.
…. But then without the right hormonal balance are ADs enough on their own?
It’s not what I want or at all where I thought I would be but I feel so desperate to feel better xx
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I am waking at 5 am Ella which is hard going. I agree, a good night’s sleep helps so much.
I am also really vigilant around my mood (as it’s so low). It’s felt so long for me to feeling rubbish so it’s really hard not to monitor it.
I too am getting better at distraction but it hurts my heart that I have to distract myself from how I feel for most of the time.
Yes, I think I remember mood stuff taking a while to get better.
My current worry is ‘I can’t keep feeling like this, what if I feel worse?’, along with moments of ‘this too shall pass’. I have some good mindfulness techniques that help me stay in the present but it’s like the currents of this low mood are so strong it’s hard to stay in the present.
One day at a time and this, yes even this, shall pass (saying that to remind myself!). X
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It seems the mood symptoms are the hardest to treat and last ones to resolve with HRT, unfortunately. :'( I have the same experience, physical symptoms have pretty much gone but I'm stuck with the anxiety, which is just not letting go.
In my case, I do realise it's also partly because I'm paying so much attention to my mood and constantly assessing how I'm feeling. I should be focusing more on other things as I realise every time something else truly catches my attention, I forget how I feel and then realise that I actually have felt better during that time. Its just that now its already been so many months with this struggle that I've become accustomed to this, which is horrible. Its like almost being addicted to the constant self observation. I wish I would learn to let it go and stop paying so much attention, I'm sure the symptoms would clear on their own time.
Do you have a timeline agreed with clinic how long you should wait for improvement with the current regime? Another though just came to my mind: are you sleeping well? I find it helps so much if I can get a good night sleep. I've understood that if estrogen is at the right level, we should sleep well. I'm clearly not yet there as I wake up most nights somewhere around 3-5 am, which I think is a classical sign of low oestrogen. If I'm lucky I'll fall asleep again, but even in that case, its not yet the same as having a full nights sleep without interruptions. Wish I'll get to that point eventually.
I agree Ella… we get stuck in this familiar pattern . If my mind is off my symptoms I’m distracted and not so bad…. But when I internally analyse… I’m back to feeling sorry for myself.
Sigh
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I am waking at 5 am Ella which is hard going. I agree, a good night’s sleep helps so much.
I am also really vigilant around my mood (as it’s so low). It’s felt so long for me to feeling rubbish so it’s really hard not to monitor it.
I too am getting better at distraction but it hurts my heart that I have to distract myself from how I feel for most of the time.
Yes, I think I remember mood stuff taking a while to get better.
My current worry is ‘I can’t keep feeling like this, what if I feel worse?’, along with moments of ‘this too shall pass’. I have some good mindfulness techniques that help me stay in the present but it’s like the currents of this low mood are so strong it’s hard to stay in the present.
One day at a time and this, yes even this, shall pass (saying that to remind myself!). X
Based on what I know, 5am wake ups would indicate that the balance is not yet there (oestrogen too low). Unless, of course, you are an early riser naturally? I'm not, I used to love sleeping 9 hours and the morning sleep was the sweetest.. now I've had these full 9 hour nights only very few over the past 5 months, so its really starting to impact my mood too.
You are spot on saying its so sad we need to distract ourselves from how we feel. :'( I just wish I could get back the ability to relax and be peacefully with my thoughts again. I used to treasure the peaceful moments when I was alone at the house, relaxing and reflecting.. now I'm very uncomfortable even being alone, not to even mention I could truly relax. Sometimes I still can't understand what is happening here, and how could I suddenly be like this?
Trying to get back to the 'this too shall pass' mood now. I realise I start to really feel sorry for myself.
Take care and have as peaceful evening as possible!xxx
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Ella, I identify so much with everything you have said.
I too feel scared of being alone but that’s not really me. I’m an introvert who loves the peacefulness of being alone in the house.
I too long to feel at peace with my thoughts too.
5 am waking isn’t me either. I loooove my sleep. Apparently, there’s a book called something like ‘The 5am club’ about the benefits of rising early. I am not convinced! I guess if it’s a choice it feels different.
Are you working? I am off work due to my symptoms which is both a help and contributes to everything.
I think it’s ok to feel sorry for yourself. You are a human and you are not feeling good. It’s natural to feel sorry about that and wish it was different right now.
I hope you have a peaceful evening too. Thinking of you xx
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Hi all,
Another one here who is suffering from the hideous horror pause 😢
I’ve upped my patch to 100, but my sleep is appalling and I’m exhausted. Just started back at work in a school and wondering how the hell I'm going to manage.
How hard can it be to get the damm dose of Oestrogen right? Why is it taking so long? I’m on year 3 of hell with symptoms and little respite in between.
Everyone at work looked so fresh faced today and I felt knackered before I left the house!
I’m not a fan of anti depressants tbh, they scare me.
Figured if the 100 patch doesn’t sort things, it’s over to lenzetto, then oral.
I empathise with you all. It’s extremely tough to navigate through this journey.
Xxx 🌸
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Nas, you are not alone. Thinking of you today.
Antidepressants scare me too despite being on them. They have, however, in the past been one of a variety of really useful tools that have helped enormously.
I understand the fear but if you are still struggling in the future and feel like you want to try a low dose of one we are all here to support you.
I read somewhere that 25% of women age 45-55 are on antidepressants. Clearly their is something about our hormones that disrupts the mood chemicals at this stage in our lives.
Xxx
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I don’t know if this article will help anyone… but it seems sudden withdrawal of hormones can cause similar withdrawal symptoms as coming off drugs etc. That really explains the anxiety, flushes, depression etc.
https://academic.oup.com/edrv/article/24/4/523/2424552
It can also explain why changing hormone doses would cause such effects.
It certainly explains why my stopping HRT cold turkey has made such an awful impact on my mental health.
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I don’t know if this article will help anyone… but it seems sudden withdrawal of hormones can cause similar withdrawal symptoms as coming off drugs etc. That really explains the anxiety, flushes, depression etc.
https://academic.oup.com/edrv/article/24/4/523/2424552
It can also explain why changing hormone doses would cause such effects.
It certainly explains why my stopping HRT cold turkey has made such an awful impact on my mental health.
Thank you Suzy for sharing, will read this article with high interest. I have somewhat similar experience, I didn't come off HRT, but had a big drop in my own hormones last spring, and I've not been the same afterwards. At that point I was only on 1 pump oestrogel and it wasn't enough to cover for the loss of oestrogen, which triggered heavy symptoms. Still on my way to find the right amount of oestrogen to balance.
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Ella, I identify so much with everything you have said.
I too feel scared of being alone but that’s not really me. I’m an introvert who loves the peacefulness of being alone in the house.
I too long to feel at peace with my thoughts too.
5 am waking isn’t me either. I loooove my sleep. Apparently, there’s a book called something like ‘The 5am club’ about the benefits of rising early. I am not convinced! I guess if it’s a choice it feels different.
Are you working? I am off work due to my symptoms which is both a help and contributes to everything.
I think it’s ok to feel sorry for yourself. You are a human and you are not feeling good. It’s natural to feel sorry about that and wish it was different right now.
I hope you have a peaceful evening too. Thinking of you xx
Thanks so much for your kind words! It means a lot to feel the support during this hard time and to just know there is someone, somewhere, who will understand what I'm going through.
I'm fortunate in that I've been able to continue working from home all through the difficult months. I don't think I would have managed normal work at the office, but from home its been ok and a much welcomed distraction. There has of course been days when I've wished I could just stay in bed in the morning, but having to get up and use my brain has given at least some sense of normalcy during all the weirdness.
Would you have a chance to return to work in a part time or working from home manner?
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We have to keep trying to get the balance right when our symptoms are so severe. Keep posting with updates and hopefully some good news. Im looking forward to someday be able to work, go out to see friends, go on holiday again, sleep again and feel well and normal again.
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I would love to go back to work but it’s quite hard to do my job (as a therapist) and unfair on the people I see if I’m not able to be there for them and feel robust.
I work part time so as soon as I feel more like me I shall return.
It’s so dispiriting being off from a role I love.
I have emailed the meno clinic again asking for a proper appointment next week. It’s over 4 weeks since increasing oestrogel and fluoxetine and I feel empty and sad and just distract myself as best I can all day.
I want my quality of life back.
It is so reassuring not to feel alone and to have this support xx
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I would love to go back to work but it’s quite hard to do my job (as a therapist) and unfair on the people I see if I’m not able to be there for them and feel robust.
I work part time so as soon as I feel more like me I shall return.
It’s so dispiriting being off from a role I love.
I have emailed the meno clinic again asking for a proper appointment next week. It’s over 4 weeks since increasing oestrogel and fluoxetine and I feel empty and sad and just distract myself as best I can all day.
I want my quality of life back.
It is so reassuring not to feel alone and to have this support xx
In that profession certainly you must be in good health yourself. Hopefully you can soon get there!
Sounds good that you asked for the appointment again with meno clinic. 4 weeks is not a long time, but one would assume seeing at least some, even if minor, improvement in this time. Maybe you'll need to change the way oestrogen is delivered in your system if transdermal is not helping despite high dose? It's so tiring process trying to find the right dose. I'm having a slightly better day today and keeping up hope it would be a sign of moving towards better balance with HRT, but it could also just be my own hormones lifting in the background (in which case it'll be worse quite soon when approaching mid cycle). I do wish this peri would soon pass, as it seems impossible to find the balance when own system is constantly fluctuating. ::)
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Thanks mindful,
Tough day today.
I nearly quit my job, as tired, irritable and finding it hard to function. I work in a school and had to do covid testing training. Oh my word, I was rubbish. Way too fast and pressured for my brain to cope with!
Menopause is taking way too much from me 😥
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Hey Nas
I work in a school role too in admin and I looked terrible compared to all my bright eyed refreshed colleagues....I've spent the summer hoping my AD would kick in. Woke at 4am both INSET mornings..... it's such a grind I've done 2 days and I'm absolutely shattered. Hard to work when you feel like this but not being in) being signed off is tricky too. I had a week off last term to get my sleep back on track with low dose Mirtazapine I was really honest about how I was feeling,hard when you're normally so efficient. I still don't feel great now on 3 sprays of Lenzetto. Working, teenager starting 6th form and trying to keep on top of housework, etc is very hard. Hopefully we will feel some relief soon xxx
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Sazzle, it sounds like you and me are in a similar boat. Day 2 of INSET and im also exhausted! 3.5 hours of intensive safeguarding training, then Covid training. Ive also got a teen starting college and a house to deal with.
Im done in!
100 patch not doing much right now.
Lenzetto is my next 'go to' Hrt.
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Oh wow, working in a school is so full on. It’s so hard when Meno symptoms make everything feel harder. I feel for you both.
I hope you have a relaxing evening with some nourishment of some sort xxx
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Thanks mindful
I so wish I could find a home based job now. I find being out the house for 8.30am each day, really hard when I haven’t slept etc.
Sorry to hijack your thread. I do hope you begin to feel better over time. It’s a very tough journey and I completely underestimated how hard it would be to cope with severe symptoms and work etc
Here’s hoping you will be back doing the job you love and enjoy very soon.
🌸🤞
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Please don’t feel you have hijacked the thread. I am so glad you and the others are here. It’s our thread.
I totally agree, the symptoms are exhausting so working on top is very difficult xx
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Hi all! Just jumping in to say I too am exhausted by it all! I had my Newson clinic appt yesterday and have added testosterone as she believes that is the missing link! Really hoping she is right! Good luck to everyone!
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Thanks Flan, I believe testogel helped me 4 years ago hen I was starting out on trying to get the right HRT. Good luck xx
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Hi Flan747
That's interesting would be really keen to hear how you get on. My MS said that we can introduce but only when we get estrogen levels statalised.
Let us know how you get on.
Funny isnt it you see Davina et al on TV etc saying they realised their symptoms were meno and then they feel marvellous after just two weeks and here we are trying everything we can get our hands on and having to give it 3 months to see if we have any improvement. Just looking back on some photos from a few year ago (we take pic on first day back at school every year) so sad as my vitality has completely gone its scary seeing how haggard and drained I look. Hoping to be fab at 50 at some point this decade ;)
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I always think the same thing! I was listening to someone famous the other day who felt better within 2 days of starting HRT, not sure what we’re doing wrong 😄 yes I will post again when I see an improvement (so that will be Monday of course !!!)
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Hope you lovely ladies are having better days .. just wanted to drop in a message and lots of hugs for you all
Peri & menopause are exhausting & takes so much from us
I’m over 5 weeks off HRT now and this past week started to move forward , making my self go out & do little things & started CBT only had one session but was interesting, so hopefully the next one is just as good .. I paid privately as waiting on NHS with back logs could take some time and aniexty was taking over my life .. in fact it took over my life
I’m not on any medication for it as I tried certain ones and couldn’t get on with the side effects
But I’m getting there slowly .. my only way is forward now .. I don’t wanna look back as I’m not going that way I keep telling myself
Yesturday my dad passed away suddenly he was only 68 heart attack and no underlying heart problems.. I thought this news would have set my aniexty levels high but it didn’t ( I hope it stays like that )
Just sad day of tears of laughter and memories and shock …
I can’t wait to feel my self 100% as I’ve truly struggled for past months
I hope all you ladies are well and I hope our journeys get better for us real soon xx
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Michelle, it sounds like you are moving in a direction that feels right for you. Well done on getting the CBT organised and for trying to go out.
I am so sorry to hear about your Dad, that’s such sudden and sad news.
Take care xxxx
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I’ve been on HRT since April and many symptoms went quickly but I would say it’s only been in the last few weeks where my low mood has improved, so quite a bit longer than the three months they say to give it.
So sorry to hear about your dad, sending my love x
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Michelle, it sounds like you are moving in a direction that feels right for you. Well done on getting the CBT organised and for trying to go out.
I am so sorry to hear about your Dad, that’s such sudden and sad news.
Take care xxxx
Thankyou mindfulmoomins
I’m taking small steps but for me they huge and I’m taking each day as it comes .. we have to feel better at some point surely
I just hope your ok and you get to where you need to be.
Thanks for wishes Xx
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I’ve been on HRT since April and many symptoms went quickly but I would say it’s only been in the last few weeks where my low mood has improved, so quite a bit longer than the three months they say to give it.
So sorry to hear about your dad, sending my love x
Hi missy thankyou
I’m glad that your HRT as helped you and I’m glad your mood is lifting for you :)
I stayed on HRT almost 4 months but it made me feel worse if I’m honest but I think my body didn’t need the added hormones ( only thinking that now) ..initially when I started it got rid of symptoms but then I gained a whole lot more and more frequently
Aniexty being the worst for me
But I’m looking forward now
I will use HRT in future when maybe my body needs it … :)
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Michelle
So sorry to hear about your Dad sending you love
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Hope you lovely ladies are having better days .. just wanted to drop in a message and lots of hugs for you all
Peri & menopause are exhausting & takes so much from us
I’m over 5 weeks off HRT now and this past week started to move forward , making my self go out & do little things & started CBT only had one session but was interesting, so hopefully the next one is just as good .. I paid privately as waiting on NHS with back logs could take some time and aniexty was taking over my life .. in fact it took over my life
I’m not on any medication for it as I tried certain ones and couldn’t get on with the side effects
But I’m getting there slowly .. my only way is forward now .. I don’t wanna look back as I’m not going that way I keep telling myself
Yesturday my dad passed away suddenly he was only 68 heart attack and no underlying heart problems.. I thought this news would have set my aniexty levels high but it didn’t ( I hope it stays like that )
Just sad day of tears of laughter and memories and shock …
I can’t wait to feel my self 100% as I’ve truly struggled for past months
I hope all you ladies are well and I hope our journeys get better for us real soon xx
Hi Michelle, so sorry to hear about your dad :(
But so glad that you are feeling better and on a positive journey forward! Seems it was the right decision for you to come off HRT -well done taking that decision! Let us know how you progress and take good care of yourself! xxx
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Thanks Hbhigg and EllaAurora
I hope it’s best move I made , still early days , but apart from my dad gaining his wings .. this week as been best aniexty wise .. it’s still there don’t get me wrong I would be literally cartwheeling if it wasn’t but not been as bad this week as how it was or as been previous months .. so maybe the HRT is slowly coming out my system or maybe I’m just getting a weeks break which I’m thankful for :)
But I’m taking each day as it comes & I’m not gonna beat myself up over it , so if I have bad days then I deal with them as best as I can .. good days I will enjoy best I can.
I’m hoping that the CBT helps also where I can deal with things better as think that’s been my problem .. not dealing with the physical feelings
I’m hoping for better days :)
Hope your both well Xx
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Sorry to hear about the passing of your dad Michelle, it must have been awful shock for you. Sending virtual support and thoughts xxx I think taking a day at a time is the best route with this journey. I do wish you well and hope you can move forward.
Had the day of hell today. Bloody covid testing at school for the kids. Was so stressful and horrid, I did the first one wrong and had to do it again. Decide im resigning on Monday, the menopause has got me, just not fit for work at the moment I don’t think 😥
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Sorry to hear about the passing of your dad Michelle, it must have been awful shock for you. Sending virtual support and thoughts xxx I think taking a day at a time is the best route with this journey. I do wish you well and hope you can move forward.
Had the day of hell today. Bloody covid testing at school for the kids. Was so stressful and horrid, I did the first one wrong and had to do it again. Decide im resigning on Monday, the menopause has got me, just not fit for work at the moment I don’t think 😥
Thankyou Nas
It was a shock big one .. still thinking how why when .. it’s actually heartbreaking losing anyone & our family have lost a few this year .. my sister in law past in July she was 48 it’s like come on now give us a break pleaseeeeeeee
But we have to move forward as I can’t keep stepping back
And I agree one day at a time
I’m sorry to hear about your bad day & menopause as so much to answer for , I haven’t been at work since May because of all of this .. I’m hoping I get myself sorted where I can start working again
Think about it over the weekend Nas .. you might have a clearer mind come Monday .. I miss work but I know I need to get me and my body right first
Hope you have a relaxing weekend Nas i really do .. I hate all of us struggling in somthing that should be so natural to us ..
Ever you need to rant I’m always here to help if I can. Xxx
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Nas, that sounds like a really stressful day. Could you have time off on sick leave? I know that’s not what any of us want but the system is there to support us and give us time to get ourselves back to balance and health. You deserve to keep your job, none of this is your fault.
I spoke to the meno clinic again today. They don’t think increasing the oestrogen would be helpful currently. We discussed me seeing a psychiatrist again. I am going to try and see one privately that they recommended as the Gp would have the ‘max out my antidepressants’ before referring me which just doesn’t feel right.
I hope I have come to terms with the fact it makes sense to see an expert in antidepressants and depression at the moment as I have tried everything I can think of and I’m still visited by moments of hopelessness, despair and sorrow that feel overwhelming. It feels so strange that I am at a point where I am going to a psychiatrist.
I don’t mind trying a different antidepressant but I don’t want to mess around with them without some expertise and guidance on how best to do that.
Exhausting day with it all.
Thank you for being there.
Michelle, I’m so sorry to hear about your heartbreak this year but I think how you are handling everything is amazing and going gently with yourself is a really good idea.
Xxx
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Nas don't resign yet, you can take time off to get better even if you end up leaving.
As an employee for a school you will be able to have sick pay and there should be a structure in place to support you. Have you got a HR contact in your school or trust? Any ongoing condition is treated as a disabilty and as such your employment is protected. Your employer has a duty of care to support you even if you feel that the job isnt helping, would not working at all be better or going somewhere new which would be stressful. I know what you mean though I nearly didnt go back and looked at working in a supermarket. I just want to do something that doesnt involve too much brain power (complicated admin, fast paced work etc)
Its easier to get a job when you have a job so maybe have a couple of weeks of (people will probably think you have Covid) try and use the time to figure out what you really need for the next year or so. Could you do a job share? You can request flexible working.
Wishing you brighter times ahead xxxx
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Mindfulmoomins
I’m so sorry how you feel .. it’s just awful that so many of us seem stuck in a rut with hormones & these over whelming feelings .. horrendous
I haven’t tried antidepressants as I thought if it’s hormones and extra HRT that caused this then maybe after everything is settled that all will go to how it was before I messed around which in fairness wasn’t as bad as this aniexty
I’ve read a few books with in all fairness tells you how to deal with it , but when in a panick that doesn’t come first thing to combat the situation
Each day I take an extra step and all this week I’ve been out even if its the local shop .. and that for me is a very big thing because I got stuck being indoors and never wanting to leave the house because of these feelings
I’m lucky in a way that I don’t feel down or depressed ( I feel down when aniexty is at its peak , but only because I can’t handle it ) but not in a low mood kind of thing .. I can’t wait to be me again as I’m sure we all agree we are hoping it’s sooner rather than later.
I thought news of my dad would set me back but I’ve made myself today go out to local shop .. then for a drive with husband and to see our little people for 5 mins then a short walk to mother in laws .. I’m thankful to do them things as a couple weeks ago I couldn’t see me doing them things again.
But I don’t jump infront of myself as I know these things have a habit of coming back when we think we are doing great.
The private CBT therapy sent me a relaxation recording and I’ve been listening to that once a day as suggested and as strange as it sounds it does relax me .. so I’ll continue with that.
I agree about going on sick etc with work .. I jumped in and told them I couldn’t do it and this is why & how I feel and because I worked in a Kitchen , it was deffo not the ideal thing to be suffering with.. they understood but I felt bad that I had let them down.
I miss work .. I miss a lot & I can only try get myself on track
I’m sorry you feel so low and hopeless and despair … I can only send you hugs and hope they magic ones.
Awful peri / menopause.. I’m only 47 so I need to get a grip on all this now & im hoping for better days /months /years ahead
And I wish you the same xxx
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Sounds like its been a bad day for many of us (I'm joining that club too, unfortunately)
Nas, don't resign yet! You can take sick leave and see if you can sort out things during that. You can always resign later if you feel like it but I'd be careful not to rush into big decision in this mindset. Hope you will have a good and restful weekend and Monday morning will be better.
Mindfulmoomins, sounds like the meno clinic didn't really have any solution beyond the psychiatrist? Did they discuss possibility to change the way oestrogen is delivered, or some bloods to understand how much you are actually absorbing? Even if you see the psychiatrist I suppose still important to continue finding the right HRT that will suit you.
My day has been exhausting too. Didn't get much sleep last night, woke up before 3am and no sleep after that :( Just tossing and turning hour after hour. I should have just got up or at least taken a book or a podcast..but was so hopeful that if I just lay still, I will fall back to sleep.
As always after almost sleepless night, today has then been full of anxiety and feeling like hangover, tired and dizzy. I can't understand why I don't sleep. ??? I increased a tiny little bit of oestrogel last evening, not even to full 2.5 pumps but just a small pea on top of two pumps. Maybe that was then too much or I applied it to a too small area as I felt jittery and hyperactive throughout the night, exactly like I feel when too much oestrogen. But then again, when I've applied less, then I've felt like a lack of oestrogen. It seems absolutely hopeless now to find any balance with the gel so I need to start preparing for yet another change of regime I suppose. So tiring but I know so many of us are on the same journey and still I am hopeful intimately I will get there.
Hoping you all are as well as possible and will have a good rest over the weekend. xxx
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Hopefully everyone as a better weekend and better days
Hormones and finding the right balance is just a job in its self
I thought it was as simple as shove on a patch and feel fantastic
I hope all you ladies and myself become our normal selves soon .. where we can live our lives to the fullest
Sending you all big huge hugs sent with love xx
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Sorry you have had a bad day Ella, seriously I don’t know what the answer is and like you, am feeling hopeless. It’s like whatever we try, it doesn’t work!!
The early waking is brutal, totally and utterly brutal. I absolutely sympathise wholeheartedly Ella. That is exactly how it is for me. Then having to get up, get ready, drag myself to work and face the day. I can’t do it, I just can’t. The cortisol is off the scale too.
Today I drove 25 miles round trip to sons friends. Ignored all speed limits,
couldn’t have cared less. I feel nothing, just empty and what is the point mindset.
The resignation is drafted.
Michelle, I do hope you will be okay, do you have good support at home? X
I too thought a patch or blob of gel would fix everything. Wrong!
Not much to say. Still in shock at my performance today.
Xx
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Nas
I’m so sorry that it’s got to much for you , I feel you so bad as I’ve been there and took the same Decision myself to leave work .. I regretted it after
That’s why maybe it’s best for you to go on sick .. or at least don’t rush into things , In all honestly I wouldn’t have been able to carry on working with how I’ve been.
The cortisol is the worse thing ever , and I used to sit there and think when am I due a break & I could never understand why it was happening
I don’t sleep much seems my mind is always racing and stops me having a good nights sleep .. sometimes I lay in bed keep my eyes closed thinking I’m not getting out of bed yet .. never fully asleep .. which always made the aniexty worse the following day and it become a viscous circle
I hope you have better days over the weekend and I hope your ok .. I hate to think of others suffering as I know I got to a stage where it was overwhelming.
I’m ok Nas , taking day by day & I have a good husband who don’t understand but listens and my son and granddaughter keep me looking forward.
Don’t rush into anything work wise , maybe just try take a week off and I’m sure that you will be wanting to go back , as being at home makes it worse I believe
I can’t wait to go back to work but when I have no idea ..
I pray ( I’m not religious) but I pray you have a better weekend .. I pray we all have good weekend
Xx
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Nas, that sounds like a really stressful day. Could you have time off on sick leave? I know that’s not what any of us want but the system is there to support us and give us time to get ourselves back to balance and health. You deserve to keep your job, none of this is your fault.
I spoke to the meno clinic again today. They don’t think increasing the oestrogen would be helpful currently. We discussed me seeing a psychiatrist again. I am going to try and see one privately that they recommended as the Gp would have the ‘max out my antidepressants’ before referring me which just doesn’t feel right.
I hope I have come to terms with the fact it makes sense to see an expert in antidepressants and depression at the moment as I have tried everything I can think of and I’m still visited by moments of hopelessness, despair and sorrow that feel overwhelming. It feels so strange that I am at a point where I am going to a psychiatrist.
I don’t mind trying a different antidepressant but I don’t want to mess around with them without some expertise and guidance on how best to do that.
Exhausting day with it all.
Thank you for being there.
Michelle, I’m so sorry to hear about your heartbreak this year but I think how you are handling everything is amazing and going gently with yourself is a really good idea.
Xxx
Hi MIndfulmoomins, how're u feeling today? I think seeing the psychiatrist, especially if you get someone with expertise in this area, sounds like an entirely sensible idea and you have nothing to lose. If it doesn't work out or you don't get any solution then at least you've tried that too.
I would still keep pushing the meno clinic as well though, as it sounds like you may need further adjustment with HRT on top.
Hope you're having better day today. xxx
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Hi Ella,
Kind of you to ask.
I think I feel a bit better for having accepted that I need some help from an expert in antidepressants.
Today I had a walk with my family and then painted the outside of the house and porch. I can tell I feel quite empty inside though and am just kind of going through the motions despite the ‘achievements’ today.
The gp agreed it was a step forward too.
I am trying not to think about changing medications as it feels frightening despite how low I feel!
I also have a lot of gratitude for everyone who is supporting me at the moment and loving me through this emotional ‘wintering’.
How are you today?
Thinking of you too Nas, Michelle and Sazzle xxx
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Hi everyone,
Just an update. I saw the psychiatrist on Sunday. I was really nervous but it was fine and reassuring. He thinks some of why I have been feeling bad is side effects of two antidepressants so we are reducing mirtazapine back down to 15 mg and I am continuing with the fluoxetine 60 mg. I am 6 weeks into that and last week started to feel like my brain was working properly and I felt more moments of feeling ok.
Today I don’t feel so good so thought I’d reach out. I just feel really sad and keep crying. Seems I feel low about feeling low! It frightens me when I feel low and despite all my mindfulness it still worries me. It’s the same thoughts and feelings of ‘I just want to feel like me again’.
I find it so hard to have wobbly days. I want to fast forward to a time when this is behind me and hormonally and mentally I am feeling balanced.
The psychiatrist has said the increase in fluoxetine will continue to build in the next 6 weeks. Struggling to trust that today but it makes sense logically.
Anyway, hope you have sunshine where you are and lots of love to everyone being so supportive on here xxx
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Good to hear off you mindfulmoomins
Sorry your having a bad day today but I do hope it gets better and you have lots more better days
Hopefully reducing your tablets Might help in some way .. it’s good to speak out as better out than in
I understand how you feel with the wanting to feel like me again
I think most of us on here can relate to that .. it’s good to cry and let out the tears but not when it’s all the time
I have occasionally tears but my main problem was and is aniexty ..
I do hope your ok and remember always come on here and reach out when you need too as that’s what I do
Sending hugs
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Thanks Michelle,
So good to have this forum xx
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Hi mindful
How are you feeling now?
Sorry today has been tough, big hugs x
What HRT regime are you on currently? Does it need you are on HRT? Maybe a reduction in the mirtazpine is what you need?
Hope you feel better soonx
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Thanks Nas,
I am on 100 Estradot and two pumps of oestrogel. Going to start Provera in Oct and I have a pea sized blob of testogel.
I have noticed my oestrogel is the one people are reporting problems with so I’ll swap it tomorrow morning when I apply it.
I wish this heavy empty hopeless feeling would go. I get so scared when it’s there. I have been for a walk with 2 friends today which was lovely but I ended up crying as they asked how I was. I keep feeling I must be doing something wrong to not be feeling a lot better by now although I did feel a bit better last week. Maybe it’s just accepting that it’s baby steps out of this.
How are you?
Xx
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Awww mindfulmoomins It’s deffo baby steps & they will lead to bigger steps .. that’s how I’m taking it
I’m glad you got out & about .. I do hope you start to feel better soon mindfulmoomins
Nas how’s you today ??
Xx
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Thank you Michelle for your encouragement :)
Xx
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Sorry you’re having a down day mindfulmoomins. I completely understand how low and tearful you feel. Just keep reminding yourself that you have had better days, and you will have them again. It just takes time, as hard as it is, we have to try and ride it out however we can.
I’m glad you got out with friends, even though you got tearful, you were out and not stuck in in a tearful negative thinking loop.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you xxx
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Thank you for your lovely reply Suzy xx
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Have PM'd you.....👍
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Hi mindful,
Glad you were able to get out and about for a walk with friends; it’s good to get out in the fresh air.
Maybe your HRT regime does need adjusting? You are on a fair whack of Oestrogen theoretically, but are you absorbing it all? If not, maybe that could account for how you are feeling right now?
Hope tomorrow is a better day. This journey is a roller coaster and we have to take the rough with the smooth I think.
Michelle, I’m okay thanks. Tired but it’s almost Friday,
Need a new job, but don’t know what doing !
Just contemplating life right now !
How are you ? Xx
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Hi Nas,
My last blood test was really high (2200) re oestrogen so it’s hard to say as the one 4 weeks before was 270.
Complicated picture.
I feel low this morning and just so want the empty feeling to go and be replaced with my normal feeling of ease and wellness.
Got a walk with a friend planned and it’s pizza night in our house so that will be nice!
Xx
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Morning @mindfulmoomins
So sorry you’re struggling right now, this menopause transition really does suck. I find the low mood (very low, cyclical for me) the worst of it.
Sending you gentle hugs and as much strength as I can muster xx
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Thank you so much for your understanding. Sending you love and hugs too. Such a challenging time for so many of us. I wish I could scoop us all up and put us on the other side xxx
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Sorry to hear you continue to feel like this! I too am struggling and am wondering if it is the continuous Utrogestron? Seriously thinking about having short break from it to eliminate it! Feeling empty and fatigued! What a minefield this all is!
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It certainly is. I know when I got the balance right last time things slowly and gently started to improve and I began to feel a sense of wellness inside me. I could cry now for the longing for that feeling again. However, I keep trying things and not feeling much better so I am trying to slow down and trust things will shift and my body will find some balance again in its own time. Not at all easy!
Continuous utrogestan would be a nightmare for me I think but I know others do ok on it. I have progesterone intolerance so only took it for 7 days a month vaginally 100 mg and had private scans. Sorry you feel empty and fatigued. That’s exactly how utrogestan made me feel.
Sending you lots of hugs xxx
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I do think your high Estrogen bloods are just fluctuations like mine and you also had a low reading which confirms that the high reading wasn’t the HRT. It does sound like you need more Estrogen. We all absorb differently. It is so hard to get right for some of us.
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Yes possibly Floo. I just don’t know anymore. I am on quite a large amount of estrogen. I was previously well on 4 pumps. I think perhaps the 15 mg mirtazapine helped last time too. I don’t know why it’s not helping now :'(
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I had a reading of 1056 last month and am on 6 pumps and continuous Utrogestron! I have reduced to 5 even though advised to stick with 6 and added testosterone! I just have found no benefit from 6 pumps so thought I would give 5 a go! Nothing to loose ?? Seriously thinking about doing a short regime of Utrogestron but unsure how I wound start it as still getting breakthrough periods?
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It may not have been the gel that made you feel well but your own hormones rising, I have had the same, I thought it was the gel but it wasn’t it was my own rise in Estrogen. I didn’t get well but some of the symptoms improved and I even got up to 12 pumps of gel and it made no difference to my symptoms so with a lot of trial and error we worked out that I don’t absorb transdermal and it became obvious because no matter how much I used nothing changed.
Some of us need extremely high doses to get enough in, I’m on the equivalent of 5 x 100 patches, I’m still not there yet but am seeing improvements from where I was 4 weeks ago. I was terrified of the amount of Estrogen I am using but i am only replacing what I have lost.
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That’s so interesting Floo. How did you know you weren’t absorbing? I think it was symptoms if I am right? When I used 4 pumps of gel lots of other symptoms eased (such as dry skin and sweats and aches) so I imagine I was absorbing and just need more now as I am further along peri xx
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Wow Floo that’s a lot of estrogen 😄 I decided to reduce to see if any other symptoms return and go from there ! I think ideally if they do I may try patches as a lot of gel is so time consuming ! Will keep you posted !
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Could tell by no change in symptoms and I did a lot of bloods to finally get one lower one, they ranged from 400 - 5000pmol on the same amount of hrt. I won’t do any more Estrogen bloods in peri because of the fluctuations but I wanted to prove that all the bloods I had done previously were not accurate because of the fluctuations in peri, I kept being told my Estrogen was normal when it wasn’t and I was still very ill.
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That’s so interesting Floo! Maybe I have done wrong by reducing but I just wanted to give this a go first then if some symptoms come back I know I need to increase again! I find it all very stressful! I’m hoping the testosterone will help but we will see
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That’s so interesting Floo. How did you know you weren’t absorbing? I think it was symptoms if I am right? When I used 4 pumps of gel lots of other symptoms eased (such as dry skin and sweats and aches) so I imagine I was absorbing and just need more now as I am further along peri xx
Hi MM, how're you feeling today? Hopefully a better day for you!
I've been thinking about what you say above.. and wondering myself again this absorption thing. I've been generally feeling a little better recently -since increasing the dose 2 weeks ago (am now 2.5 pumps). Not feeling great or yet fully myself but somewhat better or at least the lows have not been as low as before and I"ve had moments of feeling actually quite OK. Except then, today -out of the blue I've been feeling very low and as if my oestrogen would be very low. but it shouldn't be as I'm meticulous in keeping the dose stable... but how do we actually know if we absorb.. ???
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It is so difficult and a very steep learning curb. I’ve gone downhill a bit which means it’s my own Estrogen dipping so still not on enough hrt to stop the dips but still wasn’t there when my own was higher. It’s disheartening when you improve a bit then back down again. Even when you are with a very good meno doctor you do still have to find what works yourself because only we know how we feel.
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Sorry to hear this Floo! You are so right it’s only us as an individual that knows how we actually feel! Hard for a specialist to get it right with a quick 45 minute appt! I dipped quite a lot when I reduced to 5 pumps so have gone up to 6 and will try and stay there until my appt in December- although I know this is not right I am hoping the testosterone will kick in at some point! Everyday is a struggle and I’m sick of it all! Good luck everyone
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It really is so disheartening to have a dip after a good patch. I have soooo many questions for the meno specialist when I speak to them in 5 weeks.
I am feeling a bit better but I think it might be my antidepressants being increased. I am trying to be kinder to myself about needing them at a higher dose at the moment.
I hope there is sunshine for everyone today xxx
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That’s good to hear! We have to take these good days when they come along don’t we ☀️ I feel very nauseous today and no idea why! Could it be the testosterone? I’ve made a list for my follow up appt! It gets longer by the day !!!
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MM, don’t be hard on yourself for increasing your meds. We all need help sometimes, and they were invented to help through difficult times…. Just like antibiotics were invented for infection… and you wouldn’t feel bad for needing them …. It’s not for ever… just for now… that’s what I tell myself.
I’m glad you are feeling better… they must be doing their job! Yay! Xx
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Thank you so much Suzy and Flan, your kindness and encouragement has made me well up 🥰
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We all deserve to feel well and must have hope that we will. Don't give up trying.
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Hello everyone,
How are you?
I just wanted to update that I have been feeling better. I’m not sure if it is the HRT or antidepressants.
I still cry every day trying to process how bad I have felt this summer. I really didn’t think I would come out of it. It has been so frightening and destabilising to feel so low and anxious. I am really lucky to be surrounded by support (which also makes me cry!) and to have support on here too.
On Friday it is time to take Provera for the first time after a break from progesterone. I am pretty scared as I am progesterone intolerant. I dearly hope that it is manageable. Utrogestan caused quite a lot of difficulties but I guess may be worth trying again if my oestrogen is at a better level.
Thinking of you all xx
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Hi MM, lovely to hear from you and so pleased to hear that you are feeling better!
I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are.
Crying sounds like a really healthy way to process all the experiences of the past months. I can totally relate, the feelings and anxiety created by hormonal imbalance can be so rough and traumatising.
I'm also feeling better, not yet back to 'normal' (whatever that is :P), but somewhere around 80% of myself on the better days, which is already quite good and I'm very thankful for that. Physical symptoms have pretty much gone, I can sleep quite well most nights, and feel calm in the mornings which is something I've been longing for so long, after months of waking up with racing heart. Mood wise, still some way to go, but I feel I'm making progress there too, so I'm trying to just accept that it is a slow process and take it day by day.
Hopefully the Provera will work for you better than Utrogestan! As you have reached a better balance with Oestrogen, that should help too and make it more tolerable. Let us know how you get on.
Take care and have another good day! xxx
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Thank you Ella, so pleased you are getting there too. It is a process isn’t it?
Xxx
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Ella, do you mind me asking what HRT you are on? Am I right it took a while for the benefits to start to really be felt (which I think happened with me too) xx
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Ella, do you mind me asking what HRT you are on? Am I right it took a while for the benefits to start to really be felt (which I think happened with me too) xx
Hi MM, yes, it is really a process and sometimes painfully slow and complicated one ::)
I'm currently on EstroGel ca 2,5 pumps (I've started a few weeks ago measuring my dose and going by the milligram to make sure I'm taking exactly the same amount every day) and Utrogestan continuously with higher dose. I am still tweaking the dose and probably will need a bit more Oestrogen, but taking the increases very slowly this time.
It's been a process since March already so I'm really tired and hoping finally to move towards some kind of balance. I was on the gel first, then tried patch (unsuccessfully) and now back to gel for close to 2 months. Since being back on the gel I've felt that things have started to really really slowly improve. Physical symptoms improved first, and I am cautiously optimistic that I MAY be improving with the mood and mental side of things too. (still freaking out to even say this aloud just not to jinx it :o)
So great you are seeing the benefits now and improving! xxx
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Oh I totally understand. I felt like I was stuck in maze and anytime I declared I might be able to see the way out I started to feel low again. It was so hard. I am not superstitious but it became scary to say out loud or to anyone that I might be feeling an improvement.
I still don’t fully trust it but as each day goes past I can relax into it more. I am worried about the level of antidepressants I am on though and hope I can reduce them either when my body is more balanced or in Spring next year.
Sounds like you are (wisely) being very gentle with your body and making changes carefully and that things are moving in the right direction. My husband says it’s like a Toblerone :o in that recovery goes up then down in a jagged uneven way then up again.
Xx
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Oh I totally understand. I felt like I was stuck in maze and anytime I declared I might be able to see the way out I started to feel low again. It was so hard. I am not superstitious but it became scary to say out loud or to anyone that I might be feeling an improvement.
I still don’t fully trust it but as each day goes past I can relax into it more. I am worried about the level of antidepressants I am on though and hope I can reduce them either when my body is more balanced or in Spring next year.
Sounds like you are (wisely) being very gentle with your body and making changes carefully and that things are moving in the right direction. My husband says it’s like a Toblerone :o in that recovery goes up then down in a jagged uneven way then up again.
Xx
Your husband is smart, it IS like Toblerone! And that's what makes is so hard I guess. Even though we KNOW that it is ups and downs, every time a worse day comes I find it absolutely terrifying.. like, what if I'm going back to the downward spiral again and never coming out. :o
I don't have experience with ADs but maybe you shouldn't worry too much about the doses now. Just enjoy feeling better and worry about reducing then later, when you are on a very solid ground.
Do you mind sharing, how did the improvement start for you? Did you notice that suddenly there were more moments or days that were good ones, or somehow had the 'inner feeling' that things are improving?
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MM, I’m so glad to hear things are improving for you! I know it’s been hell.
And Ella, you seem to be having better days too. That’s great.
I’m still struggling with the anxiety, especially in the morning. It’s like I can’t stay still… unbearable.
I’ve got an appointment with a private consultant on the 14 th….. I’m hoping he will point me in the direction of a miracle cure!
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MM, I’m so glad to hear things are improving for you! I know it’s been hell.
And Ella, you seem to be having better days too. That’s great.
I’m still struggling with the anxiety, especially in the morning. It’s like I can’t stay still… unbearable.
I’ve got an appointment with a private consultant on the 14 th….. I’m hoping he will point me in the direction of a miracle cure!
Hi Suzy, sorry to hear it continues to be difficult. Hormone related anxiety is the worst of symptoms and so difficult to cope with :'( I could not have imagined feeling like that before, and it's so difficult to also explain to anyone else (except to us in the forum of course).
But it sounds like it eases at least a bit for you later in the day doesn't it? That is already a good thing, at least to get a few more peaceful hours in the day. Maybe that's the first signal that you are slowly improving?
Very good that you will speak to the consultant soon. I recall you were off HRT now, but would you considering starting again? It could have been just the regime which did not suit you, and something else could work better.
Hope you'll have a good and peaceful afternoon and evening today! xxx
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Hi Ella,
Yes, I had a feeling I felt better very slowly and gradually and then one Sunday I woke up and I felt like my brain was working again. I felt like me. I wept at the sheer relief of feeling like that again and the beauty or feeling normal. I have been feeling better since then with some crying spells in between when I think of how awful I felt xxx
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It’s great to hear that you are feeling better, long may it continue.
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MM, I’m so glad to hear things are improving for you! I know it’s been hell.
And Ella, you seem to be having better days too. That’s great.
I’m still struggling with the anxiety, especially in the morning. It’s like I can’t stay still… unbearable.
I’ve got an appointment with a private consultant on the 14 th….. I’m hoping he will point me in the direction of a miracle cure!
Hi Suzy, sorry to hear it continues to be difficult. Hormone related anxiety is the worst of symptoms and so difficult to cope with :'( I could not have imagined feeling like that before, and it's so difficult to also explain to anyone else (except to us in the forum of course).
But it sounds like it eases at least a bit for you later in the day doesn't it? That is already a good thing, at least to get a few more peaceful hours in the day. Maybe that's the first signal that you are slowly improving?
Very good that you will speak to the consultant soon. I recall you were off HRT now, but would you considering starting again? It could have been just the regime which did not suit you, and something else could work better.
Hope you'll have a good and peaceful afternoon and evening today! xxx
Yes, it really is the pits! I’m vomiting every morning with it.. I feel such a state. I’m so glad I found this forum.
I’m open to anything he suggests.. I can’t carry on like this x
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Hi Ella,
Yes, I had a feeling I felt better very slowly and gradually and then one Sunday I woke up and I felt like my brain was working again. I felt like me. I wept at the sheer relief of feeling like that again and the beauty or feeling normal. I have been feeling better since then with some crying spells in between when I think of how awful I felt xxx
So happy for you MM! I can only imagine how wonderful it must feel after all those months of suffering to finally have that feeling of normalcy again. Such an important message of hope also for us, who are still struggling.
It seems that my joy of getting better was, after all, premature (exactly what I was fearing). :'( Yesterday has again been a very difficult day and even some physical symptoms which I thought were long gone, reappeared (fast heart beat, sweats). I've had a horrible headache since Thursday and last night didn't really sleep at all. Its just so difficult to accept that after already feeling better, I'm again a complete mess, and I'm so worried what will follow.
The worst is that I cant think of any reason why this happens and therefore also can't see what I could do to make it better. I suppose the only way is to just accept the suffering again and try to ride out the day, which is so sad -to lose another precious day, not being able to enjoy it.
Sorry for the rant, just needed to let it out. Hope you continue feeling great & keep posting about your progress, is so important to hear some of us are getting better!
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Ella it’s awful but it’s your own hormones that rise and you think that you have cracked it with the HRT to then go back downhill again, I’m the same. Keep going with increasing the gel.
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Ella, I understand how horrible it is to feel you are going backwards. The therapist I speak to reminds me I am never going backwards, I am always moving forwards, it just doesn’t always feel like that (or tend to be in direction I had envisaged).
It can be so exhausting navigating it all and also managing the difficult days. I know I got to the stage where I didn’t feel like I had any more resources to cope with further setbacks. Of course, we are women, we have untapped resources but we are human too and it’s hard to hold out hope at times.
I am bewildered by the impact this stage of life has had on my me. It’s tougher than I ever thought possible. I am having many good days and many really good moments now. I am just focusing on healing from the stress of the past 6 months (and two years on and off of homeschooling and working through the pandemic) and taking one day at a time. Self care, connection, exercise, meditation and healthy food (I was doing all this before) help.
I know many people are reluctant to take antidepressants. Me included. I believe they are part of what is giving me breathing space to recover and move forward now.
Thinking of you xx
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Hi Ella,
Yes, I had a feeling I felt better very slowly and gradually and then one Sunday I woke up and I felt like my brain was working again. I felt like me. I wept at the sheer relief of feeling like that again and the beauty or feeling normal. I have been feeling better since then with some crying spells in between when I think of how awful I felt xxx
So happy for you MM! I can only imagine how wonderful it must feel after all those months of suffering to finally have that feeling of normalcy again. Such an important message of hope also for us, who are still struggling.
It seems that my joy of getting better was, after all, premature (exactly what I was fearing). :'( Yesterday has again been a very difficult day and even some physical symptoms which I thought were long gone, reappeared (fast heart beat, sweats). I've had a horrible headache since Thursday and last night didn't really sleep at all. Its just so difficult to accept that after already feeling better, I'm again a complete mess, and I'm so worried what will follow.
The worst is that I cant think of any reason why this happens and therefore also can't see what I could do to make it better. I suppose the only way is to just accept the suffering again and try to ride out the day, which is so sad -to lose another precious day, not being able to enjoy it.
Sorry for the rant, just needed to let it out. Hope you continue feeling great & keep posting about your progress, is so important to hear some of us are getting better!
So sorry you are having a difficult day. It’s all the more difficult to cope with when you’ve started to feel better.
I’m sure it’s just a blip, and things will improve again soon xxx
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Hi Floo, MM, Suzy,
Thank you so much for your kind messages!
Yesterday morning and noon was feeling really off balance, but thankfully I did improve towards the evening and managed even a dinner out in a nearby cosy restaurant. Last night slept a bit better, still very short sleep with only a few hours but better than previous night and today seems to have started reasonably well too. So I am trying to keep up hope that it was just a blip and I will continue my tiny steps forward.
MM:, I totally agree with what you said about the impact of menopause on our lives. I couldn't have imagined this can happen -yes, I was aware that some ladies get more symptoms and can feel rough at times, but that the impact would be so profound, so overwhelming, I had absolutely no idea.
Suzy, how are you feeling today? You seem to be going through a lot, hopefully symptoms will start easing for you soon!
Wishing you all a peaceful Sunday!
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Ella it’s awful but it’s your own hormones that rise and you think that you have cracked it with the HRT to then go back downhill again, I’m the same. Keep going with increasing the gel.
Hi Floo, I agree this must have something to do with my own hormones in the background as otherwise it doesn't make any sense and maybe my dose is still too low. I'll keep the same now for another week, and then may add a tiny little increase again.
hope you have a good day!xx
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Ella,
I feel absolutely awful in the morning… I am jittery and anxious.. my legs are restless and I am constantly heaving… but… by around 3 it seems to switch off and I feel a bit like me again. It’s very odd, and I’m exhausted by it to be honest. I just want my hormones to settle back down.
I’m glad you managed to get out for something to eat… another step forward xxx
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Suzy, this sounds so tough and exhausting. Thinking of you xx
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It is MM. I’m completely exhausted by it.
I’m two months into the hormone withdrawal now… the thought of another month or two is tough. X