Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => New Members => Topic started by: Jet50 on July 31, 2018, 07:58:15 PM
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Hi my name is jeanette (jet for short), i honestly think ive been going through perimenopause for about 2 years ,unfortunately ive had a bad time mentally for about 8 years ,i lost my 19 year-old son to cancer in 2010 ,ive been on citalpram sine 2009 (40mg)since around 2012 ish ,so up to press my period has lessened still quite regular sometimes heavy for me or light ,i can come on twice a month .. so at the mo ,im trying to get help for my hot flashes ,night and day sweats ,mood swings, feeling suicidal, not sleeping, tired all the time etc...so been to the Dr's explained how im feeling down to the fact I'm suicidal and confused with what is going on, they immediately put me on to the crisis team and a counsellor...fine ...but this still doesn't help with my symptoms...so at present one dr says it sounds like im going through the menopause the other dr i so this monday says im depressed and not going through the menopause ....HELP ... jet
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Hi jet. You are not going mad. Lots of women are sent down the anti depressants route and the possibility of there also being menopausal symptoms is ignored.
It seems to me that if you are able/willing to take HRT then this, coupled with your counselling/anti depressants, is the way forward. Some docs think that unless periods have stopped then you can't benefit from HRT but this is nonsense. Have a look at the menu at the top of the page where you will find HRT info and then you can go back to your doc fully prepared!
You will find lots of support and friendship on here. No longer alone.
Taz x :welcomemm:
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Thank you taz2 for your reply!!!
Getting a phone call today from the first dr whom said i maybe going through the menopause anyway lets see what she says !!
#wide awake #
I will deffo take a look and thank you Xxx
:o
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Hello Jet, your poor thing. What an absolutely dreadful few years for you. Well done on simply being able to get up in the morning. Your symptoms could well be down to your time of life and as Taz said there is loads of information on this site. You didn't say how old you are?
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Hello Jet, your poor thing. What an absolutely dreadful few years for you. Well done on simply being able to get up in the morning. Your symptoms could well be down to your time of life and as Taz said there is loads of information on this site. You didn't say how old you are?
Hi AgathaC,
Thanks so much for your reply .
I turned 50 in may .
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UPDATE....
Dr has rang and said they will try me on Hrt ,but i need a scan first coz ive bleed twice last month (july ) ...and that i shouldn't be feeling suicidal...mmmmm confusedxx
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It's good to have the scan as you will have a baseline to work from once you begin HRT although, in peri, it can be perfectly usual to have two bleeds in a month. Your doc is being cautious.
Taz x
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It's good to have the scan as you will have a baseline to work from once you begin HRT although, in peri, it can be perfectly usual to have two bleeds in a month. Your doc is being cautious.
Taz x
Hi taz,
Yes i think she is but hopefully i will get sorted ...
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Sending you lots of love and support after such a terrible few years Like most on here, there are various symptoms and some people get them worse than others. I am glad that you have a GP who will at least let you try HRT and I also think that it is good that you have the support of a Crisis team. This forum for me has been a god send as you do think that you are alone and going mad. Whilst there is more awareness of Menopause it is still something that is not fully appreciated by Society and the effects it can have on an individual. Take care x
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I agree 100% Lady D. I'm having a “going mad†afternoon and checking back in here is calming me down.
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Sending you lots of love and support after such a terrible few years Like most on here, there are various symptoms and some people get them worse than others. I am glad that you have a GP who will at least let you try HRT and I also think that it is good that you have the support of a Crisis team. This forum for me has been a god send as you do think that you are alone and going mad. Whilst there is more awareness of Menopause it is still something that is not fully appreciated by Society and the effects it can have on an individual. Take care x
Hi Lady Daviot ,
Im feeling a lot calmer then ive felt in around 8 months ...im also having issue's at work re my emotions are all over the place (my youngest son has just out lived his elder brother )....i will get there
Thank you X
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I agree 100% Lady D. I'm having a “going mad†afternoon and checking back in here is calming me down.
AgathaC
Thanks also X
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Hello Jet - just wondering if you are feeling any better this week? Agatha C xxxxx
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Hello Jet - just wondering if you are feeling any better this week? Agatha C xxxxx
Hi AgathaC
Been to see crisis team, she was lovley, coz im not at work i feel a lot calmer, still not sleeping/or sleeping to much ,appetite not good ....so slightly better ..
How are you doing ??
Jet X
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Have you contacted your local CRUSE Group? Run by bereaved for the bereaved? Most areas have counsellors to talk with.
Parents never think that they are going to see a child die. It might be helpful to talk with others in similar positions, maybe your local Hospice will have contacts or groups that you could join with. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Trouble is, you are left with it all whilst the rest of us move on ........... whereas contacting people who have been through similar may be helpful.
Maybe keep a diary of mood/symptoms/food intake. See how much is cyclical and which symptoms you would like eased first?
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It's frustrating that symptoms are treated as either/or when clearly you could be suffering from depression AND hormonal changes concurrently. I've always struggled with anxiety and depression and the symptoms of perimenopause hit me like a truck and have made my other issues harder to deal with on a daily basis.
I hope you find the help you need from doctors and support people who take your symptoms-- both mental and physical-- seriously. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. :'(
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Have you contacted your local CRUSE Group? Run by bereaved for the bereaved? Most areas have counsellors to talk with.
Parents never think that they are going to see a child die. It might be helpful to talk with others in similar positions, maybe your local Hospice will have contacts or groups that you could join with. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Trouble is, you are left with it all whilst the rest of us move on ........... whereas contacting people who have been through similar may be helpful.
Maybe keep a diary of mood/symptoms/food intake. See how much is cyclical and which symptoms you would like eased first?
Hi CLKD
Thanks for your kind words ,ive had counselling after my son died (he died in our local hospice in east lancs ) from the hospice and also sessions of counselling and i also know and talk to colleagues and close friends whom have lost children ...
For some reason which my include depression,menopause im unable to cope with my daily grind, hopefully will get there soon..
Thanks alot
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Specific counselling can be helpful ......... sharing means not forgetting what your son meant to you ; others will have different memories. Did you keep a memory book of what you were told by his friends etc.? Are you in contact with his friends?
Let us know how you get on. Will send you a personal message too.
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It's frustrating that symptoms are treated as either/or when clearly you could be suffering from depression AND hormonal changes concurrently. I've always struggled with anxiety and depression and the symptoms of perimenopause hit me like a truck and have made my other issues harder to deal with on a daily basis.
I hope you find the help you need from doctors and support people who take your symptoms-- both mental and physical-- seriously. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. :'(
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Hi Emilybee,
Thanks for your reply
Yes it is so hard to get the doctors to say yes its this and not that anyway thank you for your kind words ,hopefully will get sorted soon ,just spoke to crisis team support worker and i may be starting on some anxiety meds on Friday....fingers crossed
Jet x
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Specific counselling can be helpful ......... sharing means not forgetting what your son meant to you ; others will have different memories. Did you keep a memory book of what you were told by his friends etc.? Are you in contact with his friends?
Let us know how you get on. Will send you a personal message too.
Hi CLKD,
Got your pm i actually never thought taken pic down .
At the mo im talking to counsellor's over the phone has that is the quickest way to get help at the mo .
We get together once a year to celebrate his birthday and one of dan's mates always sends me flowers on hus birthday.
I have a memory book ,Dan's things sre around me also, i have some good memories but at the mo the nasty one's are at the fore ...im trying ..hopefully starting some anxiety meds on friday ..fingers crossed.
Jet xx
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I have a lot of guilt which floods my brain as I'm dropping off to sleep :'( about things I can't alter. It's a sudden surge of "OH NO!" I even shout out sometimes :-\. In the day I can rationalised what happened in those last few months of pet ownership.
How lovely to get together. Does this help or does it make you sorrowful for what might have been, are you able to deal with that? I think friends get forgotten often.
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Hi CLKD,
So sorry for the loss of your pet, i lost my cat in 2012 ,i still miss him and crave another but hubby has said no way :-\.
The get together with dan's friends is so special and i look up to them and see what fantastic young men they have made and I'm so so proud .
Jet xx
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It was 3 cats and a dog - nursed and gone in a period of 22 months from start to finish. I was knackered afterwards :-\. All to a good age.
Then we had chickens ::) - feathers, eggs, company in the garden .......
Now we have goldfish. Do you have a special place. To sit. Think about Dan? I spend a lot of time by our ponds. Pondering ::)
:bighug:
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Hi again,
Dan is in a gorgeous casket in my dressing room, so i spend my night's with my wonderful boy .
😻
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Let us know how you get on?
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UPDATE!!
Ive started some anxiety meds on Sunday (lorazepam)i took 1 at 10 20 ,still pacing at 1ish ,then took 2 on monday at 9.40 they deffo kicked in but still awake at 12.30 ,my bloody legs wont let me sleep .
Anyway had a review appointment at dr on monday they are starting me on HRT after the results of my mammogram come back (august end).
Fingers crossed....hope all are doing has well ...big hugs to all
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This sounds like progress, Jet, and it's good to have your update. Hoping you can now go forward positively. One day at a time. Big hugs back xxxxx
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This sounds like progress, Jet, and it's good to have your update. Hoping you can now go forward positively. One day at a time. Big hugs back xxxxx
UPDATE 2.,
I finally slept the full night (Tuesday)...
Thanks AgathaC
Big hugs too you to xxx
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I have restless leg syndrome. I needed to take Nurofen last night as the feelings kept me awake >:(.
Bananas ease symptoms as long as I eat 2/3 daily. ::)
That particular drug knocks me out within moments if I take it when anxiety floors me. If I take it the moment anxiety begins it doesn't make me as sleepy but certainly eases the symptoms.
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UPDATE 3..
My friend admitted to hospital was with her and hubby until see was settled, didn't think i was stressed..
Took 2 tablets at 8 ,by 2 ish my legs where so bad ..eventually i must of fallen asleep but awake at 10.40 feeling like I'd been hit by a bulldozer
Jet x
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I have restless leg syndrome. I needed to take Nurofen last night as the feelings kept me awake >:(.
Bananas ease symptoms as long as I eat 2/3 daily. ::)
That particular drug knocks me out within moments if I take it when anxiety floors me. If I take it the moment anxiety begins it doesn't make me as sleepy but certainly eases the symptoms.
Im not sure if i have restless legs syndrome, not been diagnosed, all i know is they started when my so died ....
Big hugs xx
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For me symptoms are like a 'pulling' sensation, eased by laying the legs over the edge of the bed or up the wall ::). I am aware of it in the day but it starts at night.
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For me symptoms are like a 'pulling' sensation, eased by laying the legs over the edge of the bed or up the wall ::). I am aware of it in the day but it starts at night.
Hi, CLKD..poor you (big hugs )all i know is they drive me up the wall ,i also have osteoarthritis of both knees (they r absolutely red hot at night)
Up to date sleeping a bit better
Hope all ok
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Tumeric in milky coffee is supposed to be good for this have a Google 😘jeanie
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Tumeric in milky coffee is supposed to be good for this have a Google 😘jeanie
Hi Daisydot
And thankyou ...will google away x
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Hi all ,
After i blazing row with hubby.
He asks i don't know what is going on with you ,you've been like this for months ,i say..glad you have noticed..
What you doing about !!!
I explained been going doc's for months noone listening, you need to change ur dr ...
So up to press's before our row ..
My mum explained a few things to hubby (i heard mum say these to him ) about menopause, depression etc..
He has actually known me since before my late son died (9years)
So he knows ive been on depression meds for 10 years.
And ive explained i haven't felt myself for a while
Well i don't know wot to think, the row we had sent my head right back where i started...ie crying loads again feeling shitty etc ...
Where to go from here !!!
Jet x
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Print off 'advice for husbands' from here. Hand over. Tell him to make notes on the differences he has noticed and if there appears to be a pattern. Sit down and discuss.
It's The Change. Does what it says on the tin. Make a list of your symptoms and pass for him to read. Tick off what you would like to ease first?
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Hi CLKD,
I did print ,i put another reply on the
"Advice for Husbands " page
Things have calmed down..
Its like it's all about them ...
Thank you x
Jet xx
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Oh Jet, you poor thing. Glad to hear things have calmed down a bit. Hopefully you can start a dialogue with him about all this and get to a position where you feel he is on the journey with you, rather than you feeling that he is looking on and thinking “what's the matter with her?â€!!! I think it's very hard for them to understand how awful we feel (but, of course, harder for us to be feeling so awful!).
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They can't empathise.
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Jet50. My heart went out to you when I read your post. This is such a crappy time of life without all the heart ache you must have 24/7 missing your son. My husband too added to my misery last year when my Peri symptoms were bad. At one point he told a neighbour I should be in a loony bin which really hurt. I think they are so used to us being the ' rock' of the family and can't cope so lash out. Since then we have talked and things have improved but it must be a scary, out of control time for them too. He can't understand why there are no answers when so many of us suffer the same symptoms (neither can I for that matter!). I read the post about supportive husbands in tears sometimes.
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I think too: we believe that we have dealt with the various traumas we face through Life then something tips us back into intense remembering. Which impacts hugely.
When that happens to me I allow myself 10 mins. each evening to think about those sad events. It gives me a focus and means that I don't push it away.
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Oh Jet, you poor thing. Glad to hear things have calmed down a bit. Hopefully you can start a dialogue with him about all this and get to a position where you feel he is on the journey with you, rather than you feeling that he is looking on and thinking “what's the matter with her?â€!!! I think it's very hard for them to understand how awful we feel (but, of course, harder for us to be feeling so awful!).
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Thanks AgathaC,
Things sre getting better ,ive had sleeping tablets so sleeping better ,mammogram done ..then hrt just waiting for results...
Hope all ok with you
Love jet Xx
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They can't empathise.
Hi CLKD,
Hopefully now he can.
Big hugs hope you ok xx
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I think men need to be told that it isn't [often ;-) ] their fault? Also, having a buzz word that he can throw back as he leaves the room might work .......
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Jet50. My heart went out to you when I read your post. This is such a crappy time of life without all the heart ache you must have 24/7 missing your son. My husband too added to my misery last year when my Peri symptoms were bad. At one point he told a neighbour I should be in a loony bin which really hurt. I think they are so used to us being the ' rock' of the family and can't cope so lash out. Since then we have talked and things have improved but it must be a scary, out of control time for them too. He can't understand why there are no answers when so many of us suffer the same symptoms (neither can I for that matter!). I read the post about supportive husbands in tears sometimes.
Hi and thank you Roseneath
For your kind reply, my best friend is going through a bad time see is 70 and her husband who is 74 is an absolute star although they bicker you can see how much he wants to help ....
My hubby needs to take a leaf ...
He is getting better
Big hugs sweets Xxxx
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I think men need to be told that it isn't [often ;-) ] their fault? Also, having a buzz word that he can throw back as he leaves the room might work .......
Yeh this is true ...
Ive a cast iron pan for the biggest BUZZ ever...
Jet x