Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Honeybee2 on March 17, 2023, 06:59:54 AM
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Hi I have posted on here for support in the past . Basically I had an awful time with menopause symptoms felt like I was losing my mind not sleeping night sweats low mood palpatations and terrible anxiety Can’t even to begin to explain how awful it was I really thought I had some awful condition that no one could diagnose as I felt so bad
I commenced HRT and it took a lot of tweaking the dose to get it right and thought things had settled down nicely for me .
Currently on Evorel 50 and continuous utrogestran 100mg nightly plus I have one pump of oestrogel in the mornings aswell as felt like 50 wasn’t quite right as was still getting symptoms
Everything seemed to settle I was sleeping past 4.30 the night sweats the feeling of anxiety disappeared and felt so much better for about 3 months …..went back to work cleaned the house and felt settled in my body and mind.
BUT over the past week my mood has dropped and my night sweats and sleep problem have returned ,plus the dreaded anxiety feeling has come back so depressing after feeling so much better . Why do you think this is ? Am I just having a blip
I tragically lost my mum 15 months ago and have been struggling adapting to life without mum I loved her so much, and miss her terribly long story but I am waiting for trauma councilling to help me with my loss
Yesterday I spent most of the day crying went to get some shopping and sat in the car crying my eyes out for about an hour . Went to bed and woke up at 4.30 with an awful night sweat and feeling of doom . Feeling overwhelmed again.
Plus it’s coming up to Mother’s Day and this is hard emotionally
I suppose I am just reaching out for some encouraging words to get me through as feeling pretty low this morning x thank you for reading x
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Hi it sounds as if you need more oestrogen. Instead of using additional gel you could use a higher dose of patch….75 or 100. x
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Hi Honeybee too,
Whilst I have no words of practical wisdom, I say hello and please know you are not alone.
I seem to be In the same hormonal place as you, was a bit stable and now crashed back down, so just slogging away to try to get a balance somehow.
I am so so sorry about your mum. Mothers day can be very hard. I am facing my first without my mum too, having her funeral just a week ago. It is so good you will have some form of counselling to talk this through with someone. Again others can understand your grief and loss and the pain within you, and now, also the utter upheaval in your body too.
I send you Hugs Honeybee, people care for you and send supporting whatever tiny way.
Xx
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Thank you replying Dotty it means a lot Yes I was thinking it could be this I will look into it . I was thinking it could be the time of the month that I would have been having a period as feels like pmt
Wish there was a helpline in place for women it seems such a minefield sometimes and feel so alone at times thank goodness for this forum xxx
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Thank you for sharing this Sarah .
Awful time for you and I am so sorry you have lost your mum aswell .it’s so hard especially in the early days/weeks .I really feel for you
It’s such an awful mix grief and dealing with menopause .
Sending you so much love
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Hello Honeybee. I think you are very brave for reaching out and sharing what is going on for you so well done for that. I have a feeling the upcoming Mothers Day could in part be the reason for your symptoms flaring. I find stress causes my meno symptoms to return. Stress can really do awful things to our bodies. Waking in the night can also be due to anxiety and stress. It is very good you are going to have trauma counselling but I know waiting for it to begin is tough.
When in peri meno symptoms seem to be quite erratic. One minute it feels we have found the right dose of HRT and the next minute it feels like it is not working. I know this can pass once the body settles again. I think you need to be kind and gentle to yourself right now and perhaps next month when Mothers Day is truly over you will feel calmer again. Mothers Day can be so triggering when not having a Mum and you loosing your lovely mum is bound to make it a difficult time for you.
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Thank you Flossiecake
Yes it’s all so confusing and trying to rationalise my thoughts
I have struggled so much and I suppose very fearful that my symptoms will be bad again .
I have tried my best with coming to terms about mum and I think you are right stress is playing a role maybe subconsciously .I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat ,mum helped me through bad times in my life and mum just knew what to say to me .I lost my first daughter at birth and mum was my rock and helped me get through.
Thank you for replying to me I am just having a bad morning .just hope this passes quickly and feel more like me again .
Life can be so hard sometimes I am strong and I will be ok . I have a lovely family who are so caring for this I am thankful xx
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Thank you Flossiecake
Yes it’s all so confusing and trying to rationalise my thoughts
I have struggled so much and I suppose very fearful that my symptoms will be bad again .
I have tried my best with coming to terms about mum and I think you are right stress is playing a role maybe subconsciously .I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat ,mum helped me through bad times in my life and mum just knew what to say to me .I lost my first daughter at birth and mum was my rock and helped me get through.
Thank you for replying to me I am just having a bad morning .just hope this passes quickly and feel more like me again .
Life can be so hard sometimes I am strong and I will be ok . I have a lovely family who are so caring for this I am thankful xx
Your Mum sounds amazing and so supportive. It is so hard to loose the person whom you could tell everything too. I am truly sorry you lost your daughter.
It is wonderful you have a lovely family but it does not mean you will not feel upset and be grieving so please do not blame yourself for feeling this way.
You have struggled a lot and it sounds like it did not occur to your GP your symptoms were meno but this does not mean you will get back to the awful way things once were as things are different for you now. You are on HRT and you have more understanding of what is happening to your body.
Please post anytime you need to. We all need support at times.
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Oh flossiecake what a lovely reply it actually made me cry my mum was a beautiful person and she lit up a room and everyone loved her . Your words are so supportive and empathetic .I don’t think I will ever get over the loss of my daughter and mum just try to cope the best I can
Yes it took a long time for my dr to recognise menopause .it actually was the mental health nurse at my surgery who recognised it .
My journey has been hard and deep down I know you are right that I am on hrt now and even though I am having a blip I will be ok I think this whole menopause journey has effected me so badly my brain can’t let go of the past struggles .
Thank you x
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So sad when those who support us are no longer able to do so. :hug:
CRUSE: MIND charity: Samaritans can all offer support. CRUSE are run for the bereaved by bereaved people.
MayB light a candle in your heart on Sunday: sit somewhere peaceful - listen to bird song, water running, watch rain drops ........ all day if necessary or pick an hour which is appropriate.
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Oh flossiecake what a lovely reply it actually made me cry my mum was a beautiful person and she lit up a room and everyone loved her . Your words are so supportive and empathetic .I don’t think I will ever get over the loss of my daughter and mum just try to cope the best I can
Yes it took a long time for my dr to recognise menopause .it actually was the mental health nurse at my surgery who recognised it .
My journey has been hard and deep down I know you are right that I am on hrt now and even though I am having a blip I will be ok I think this whole menopause journey has effected me so badly my brain can’t let go of the past struggles .
Thank you x
Aw, I am sorry to have made you cry. I can tell how special your mum was.
The nurse is really good to have realised your symptoms were meno related. I wish more professionals were aware of it and what to look for.
When feeling really unwell it is only natural to fear it will return. Take each day slowly. I find thinking to far ahead makes me feel too anxious.
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Thankyou CLKD and flossiecake
Yes I will honour my mum on Sunday with some quiet time CLKD some really lovely suggestions .
I have used cruise before in the past and they are really good.xx
Feel very flat today and low mood and it’s pouring of rain here aswell .
Xxxx
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Hiya - so so sorry to hear you are having such a rotten time. I totally empathise with how you were feeling as suffered exactly the same and my oestrogen levels were very low when I had all those symptoms. I agree with other posts that have said it sounds as though your oestrogen levels might be too low. Have you had a blood test at all to test your oestrogen levels? It would give you a guide at least although your symptoms do sound like they could be caused by low oestrogen. I hope so much that you start to feel better soon and that you can find out what is the cause . Sending hugs xx
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Thank you for all your kind words
I am still struggling this morning and woke up at 4 again .feel overwhelmed and my brain feels foggy like I can’t think straight and waves of anxiety
Maybe my oestrogen has dipped low which is causing me this discomfort I was so hopeful that I would sleep longer last night but it wasn’t the case and now I feel tired but can’t seem to rest my body down .just horrible and things seem so miserable when you are sitting in the lounge alone with your thoughts when everyone else in the house is fast asleep ….
I hope this passes has anyone else felt like this
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Yep. When severely depressed I would sit. Staring at the wall. Feeling totally alone. It passed with appropriate medication.
This is a difficult weekend for many. As with Easter and C.mas, New Year etc.; who is around, who will keep you company?
There is no time line on grieving. For as many reasons as there are stars in the sky. U probably wake early because there is a rise/fall in Cortisol, then your mind goes into over drive = staying awake.
MayB write a letter to your Mum? Put it somewhere so that you are able to add little memories to it?
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Thank you for the quick reply CLKD
This is very true grief is hard at certain times of the year and I have a card for mum and I will write in it for tomorrow.even though she is not here I still have a mum and she needs to be acknowledged
I feel that my hormones are definitely having a big role in all of this it seems too similar to how I felt before my hrt started to work .
I can so relate to staring at the walls I came down stairs this morning a just sat for hours lost in my own thoughts and trying to not panic .
I guess I am feeling a bit defeated and want desperately to feel completely me x
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When I was ill I wanted to be better yesterday :-\. I found that keeping a journal that no one else had access to helped, venting etc. got it out of my head.
Could you adjust your HRT a little? Perhaps type in the product names into the search box to see if threads pop up?
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When I was really bad I kept a diary of how I felt to see if there was a pattern . Once I felt more stable I stopped writing as it reminded me of sitting writing about how I felt .I think I became obsessed with how my body felt and thought inwards all the time .
How am I feeling is my pulse fast am I going crazy etc etc
I may write a positive journal instead of all the positive things and my thoughts it may help ?
If this continues I may need to increase my oestrogen as this may be the cause .
It’s so sad that this whole menopause experience has effected my mental health so badly and compromised my life so much
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So sorry to hear you had a bad night Honeybee. This is so difficult for you knowing Mothers Day is coming up. I think writing a card for your Mum is a lovely idea.
I know what you mean about keeping a diary because I tried that and as I was feeling so low it was filled with pain. I could not bare to write it in the end. what I do when I am in bed at night is to think of all the positive things I can think of that happened that day. Small things like, I was able to wash my hair. These little things help me but I know everybody is different.
I do not think there is any harm in increasing your oestrogen to see if it helps. I find throughout this journey we need to give our HRT a tweak at times.
Being awake in the early hours is such a lonely feeling. I always put the radio on as hearing people call in makes me feel less alone.
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Thank you Flossiecake
I really think if my hormones were more stable I wouldn’t get as emotional and I could deal with my grief better . It seems like a circle once I get the pmt like symptoms the loss is so much worse
I did apply a tiny bit more of the oestrogel this morning I top up with a blob of gel as I wear the Evorel 50 patch and dr said give it a go when I last spoke to Hera few months back as I wanted to increase gradually I still feel nervous when increasing tho
Good idea about thinking of something positive
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Thank you Flossiecake
I really think if my hormones were more stable I wouldn’t get as emotional and I could deal with my grief better . It seems like a circle once I get the pmt like symptoms the loss is so much worse
I did apply a tiny bit more of the oestrogel this morning I top up with a blob of gel as I wear the Evorel 50 patch and dr said give it a go when I last spoke to Hera few months back as I wanted to increase gradually I still feel nervous when increasing tho
Good idea about thinking of something positive
Increasing by a tiny bit is a good idea and nothing to be concerned about. I have often cut bits of my patches to increase a little bit.
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Thanks for this reassurance flossieteacake
I really feel there is a lack of help for women don’t you ? As I said on an earlier post a helpline would really reassure women especially when they feel like they are going crazy .there seems to be a helpline for everything else and some women really really struggle . I know this would probably never happen but it’s a thought .
I am feeling a little more with it now perhaps it’s the extra gel or physiological who knows !
Going out shopping in a bit going to push myself and face the day … let’s hope I don’t have another meltdown in the car .wish me luck . I always feel a bit better out of the house I feel I get a different perspective and sometimes feel a little clostraphobic indoors like I can’t focus on anything if you know what I mean x
Thank you so much everyone in taking time out of your day to reply and helping me I really do appreciate it
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Thanks for this reassurance flossieteacake
I really feel there is a lack of help for women don’t you ? As I said on an earlier post a helpline would really reassure women especially when they feel like they are going crazy .there seems to be a helpline for everything else and some women really really struggle . I know this would probably never happen but it’s a thought .
I am feeling a little more with it now perhaps it’s the extra gel or physiological who knows !
Going out shopping in a bit going to push myself and face the day … let’s hope I don’t have another meltdown in the car .wish me luck . I always feel a bit better out of the house I feel I get a different perspective and sometimes feel a little clostraphobic indoors like I can’t focus on anything if you know what I mean x
Thank you so much everyone in taking time out of your day to reply and helping me I really do appreciate it
I agree with you. I feel there is more support for the physical aspects of meno then the mental health aspects. I have never once been asked about my mental health with regards to meno.
I notice a change in a few hours when I increase my oestrogen so I can quite believe you have noticed it too. I hope you enjoy going out today. It is wonderful you feel able to. It shows today is a much better day for you. :)
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If you don’t mind me asking what amount of oestrogen are you on flossytwacake xx
Totally agree I had to reach rock bottom having countless tests etc a&E visits seeing so many drs for all of this to be recognised and now I am living with the consequences of poor mental health , I just didn’t realise that you can feel so bad . If only I could turn back time and was given the right advise and help a couple of years ago xx
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Aww honeybee2, I completely feel for you going through such a rough time right now
You’ve had some really good ideas and advice given to you from the supportive ladies on here
We are all here for each other and it’s great to see that you reached out to us
I’m sure tomorrow will be difficult and I love CLKD’s ideas to remember your mum and have some quiet time
It’s awful when we feel like we can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, but remember it is always there and so are we ❤️
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Thank you curlygirl
Lovely words it’s so nice and heartwarming to know that the people on here are complete strangers but with such kind hearts that really get what it feels like to feel in despair and really want to help .xxx
Perhaps someone struggling will read these posts and know that they are not alone on this journey and feel or have felt similar to me and may give
then some comfort
People probably look at me in the street and think all is well but little do they know and I often look at other women around my age and think are you suffering like me behind closed doors xx
May you all have a good positive day x
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If you don’t mind me asking what amount of oestrogen are you on flossytwacake xx
Totally agree I had to reach rock bottom having countless tests etc a&E visits seeing so many drs for all of this to be recognised and now I am living with the consequences of poor mental health , I just didn’t realise that you can feel so bad . If only I could turn back time and was given the right advise and help a couple of years ago xx
I am on 125 Evorel patches.
I understand. It is horrible but thankfully you now know now what is going on. I think the increasing in oestrogen is going to help you and hopefully the trauma counselling will begin soon too.
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So with the evorel 50 patch I am on plus the extra pump of gel equates to 75 so I can put a nice extra size dose of gel on then to maybe 100 total and see how I go I only put a small amount of extra on this morning . Did you build up gradually Flossieteacake ?
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So with the evorel 50 patch I am on plus the extra pump of gel equates to 75 so I can put a nice extra size dose of gel on then to maybe 100 total and see how I go I only put a small amount of extra on this morning . Did you build up gradually Flossieteacake ?
Yes I had to do it very slowly. GPs often do not allow using more then 100 oestrogen. I would wait to see how you go on the small increase you added today. You may even find it is enough for you.
I actually try to reduce my oestrogen from time to time as I am on a high dose. I would like to be on less.
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Curlygirl out that beautifully
Honeybee there is always someone here for you. You say you have a lovely supportive family surrounding you, and on this forum you can find practical advice, and just a hello we are listening and care.
I understand the times of despair, lost count of times sitting on the kitchen floor crying and in compete confusions as to the hormones hijacking me.
I think you are so strong, even if some days you can't see it yourself. Give yourself credit for voicing the need for help. Be kind to yourself. There is indeed light At the end of the tunnel. Most of us on here so am sure feel in a mess, but this is what this place is for. Extra support and help. Get out shopping, take a deep breath.
You are an amazing person Honeybee.
Hugs
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Thank you flossieteacake for sharing what dose you are on and keep replying on this post
I am very cautious when upping the gel and I will make sure I don’t go over 100 but I feel a little tweek at the moment may be needed so I will add just a little more tomorrow and as you say this might be just what I need just a little bit more at the moment to get me over this blip . Xxx
SarahT such beautiful words of encouragement thank you so much and saying I am strong and amazing bought a tear to my eye xx sorry that you have suffered aswell I really am
If ever I can support anyone on here I will try my hardest to help xx
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Thank you flossieteacake for sharing what dose you are on and keep replying on this post
I am very cautious when upping the gel and I will make sure I don’t go over 100 but I feel a little tweek at the moment may be needed so I will add just a little more tomorrow and as you say this might be just what I need just a little bit more at the moment to get me over this blip . Xxx
SarahT such beautiful words of encouragement thank you so much and saying I am strong and amazing bought a tear to my eye xx sorry that you have suffered aswell I really am
If ever I can support anyone on here I will try my hardest to help xx
You are very welcome Honeybee. It sounds like you know what you are going and you are doing things nice and slowly to allow your body to get used to the increase.
I hope going out went well.
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Thanks again felt a bit overwhelmed in the shops but at least I went but it was busy. I seem to just want to be by myself when I am having a bad day but at the same time I know distraction is good for the mind so need to try and occupy myself xx
Sarah T you will be in my thoughts tomorrow xxx
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Thanks again felt a bit overwhelmed in the shops but at least I went but it was busy. I seem to just want to be by myself when I am having a bad day but at the same time I know distraction is good for the mind so need to try and occupy myself xx
Sarah T you will be in my thoughts tomorrow xxx
Maybe next time going to a park or somewhere quieter may be an idea. You still did so well to go. It is understandable to want to be alone when you are having a bad day.
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As you will be in mine too honeybee, I assure you of that. Thank you
CLKD, when you said light a candle in your heart on mothers day, that just feels so right. Thank you for putting that thought out there
Hugs to you all x
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After my pets died B4 2003 I gave myself 10 mins every day to think of them. Still do at times. A memory will be triggered :'(. I also need my Dad more, who died in 2006. Mum didn't allow him to build a relationship with me so he was very mis-understood :-\ [long story short].
As time goes on, you will realise that your Mums and Dads wouldn't want you to be sad, it's a process that we need to go through. What ever the relationship might have been. Group :hug:
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Thanks again felt a bit overwhelmed in the shops but at least I went but it was busy. I seem to just want to be by myself when I am having a bad day but at the same time I know distraction is good for the mind so need to try and occupy myself xx
Sarah T you will be in my thoughts tomorrow xxx
Honeybee2, I feel the same. Like I want to be by myself but push myself to go out for a walk or to the shops. It really does make you feel better. Keep busy and keep coming on here for support
You will work through it all and come out the other side
Happy Mother’s Day for tomorrow ladies
Much love ❤️