Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: booboo on May 11, 2016, 11:23:02 AM
-
One week I can almost feel normal - as in not thinking bad/negative thoughts all the time, always fearing some health issue & going back over things in the past ...Then it all comes again and I get into a cycle of anxiety and fearing all bad things ...will be 55 this year and just sometimes struggle to see any future ..
-
There is a future. You are in good company. Hormones can cause all kinds of insecurities, aches and pains ::).
Keeping a mood/food diary might be useful. How are your periods?
-
I had a hysterectomy 18 months ago Ckld - so no more periods ..Hoped the mental stuff would get better, but think its got worse in ways
-
Hi Sparkle
I am just the same - I can be ok and even rational & then someone/something will spark off the negative thoughts re health ...I feel like I am always anticipating bad stuff and the worst scenarios and worry myself silly..
-
Sparkle - Yes!! I liken it to a form of ocd in my case too - and I found myself missing out on life because I feel so bad ..
Despite having cbt - I cant seem to stop it ..
-
Oh booboo thank you for this thread. I have had three good weeks of feeling on top of things. Just before the weekend the flushes returned, milder and less frequent admittedly but still creeping in there and my mind is churning again.
I started to worry that my medication is not working so well and I will have to increase it but that is not the case. I know it is a hormone cycle, even now, long after I finished having any sort of cycle. The hormones are still there and still fluctuating, I am sure of it, but at a reduced level.
Thank you ladies for your posts, I feel better already.
Despite having cbt - I cant seem to stop it ..
I completely agree with this booboo.
-
CBT didn't address the physicality of it all :sigh:
-
Hi booboo,
I can relate to how you are feeling especially the OCD bit.
I was diagnosed with it 12 years ago( had it most of my life) but didn't know what it was.
My OCD is negative intrusive thoughts and when I get into what I call an episode I get the anxiety and depression with it. I am going through 'an episode' now. My mirena (progesterone part of my hrt) needs changing and my GP said that I'm showing symptoms of it running out.
He also found I have got a urinery infection so can't have a new one until infection has gone so have AB to take.
When my hormones are not in balance it can affect my OCD tendencies.
-
OCD is a hard taskmaster as you will know Dyan. I have never been diagnosed but I know I have it.
When I was younger I had the 'checking' OCD as a response to the stress of my dysfunctional childhood. As I got older I developed the 'neatness' and cleanliness OCD. Now in later life I am also troubled with intrusive thoughts and sometimes the same thoughts playing on a loop.
Its never been diagnosed because I always kept it secret and didn't think anything of it until it started being more talked about more recently and I recognised myself.
-
Dyan - BabyJane that's how it goes with me too - negative/intrusive thoughts then the anx/depression follows and I cant just shake it off, almost like it needs to play itself out .. I have never been diagnosed as having OCD - but I ruminate and overthink things & I think ruminating is a mental form of OCD . All I know is that its hellish..
-
Now I know what I have,I think back to when I was a child and the obsessive behaviour I had then,now it all makes sense. As I got into my teenage years I thought I was going mad. Suffered terrible anxiety & depression. Nobody knew then what it was.up until 12 years ago I was always treated for depression so never on the right type or proper dosage for OCD.
Now I'm on the correct meds. I will always have the OCD and it flares up if I get stressed, hormones or if something bad happens in my life.
I have learnt through reading books, having CBT, and knowing what it is,I am able to manage it,BUT it is still very, very hard when I go through it.
I was lucky that we could afford for me to go private to get a diagnosis when I had a breakdown. If not I don't know what would have happened :-\
-
I think this is never going to go away at the moment, can't see an end to all this at all. This is the longest spell I have had and it's not getting easier even with the Citalopram. Increased this last week to 20mg but so far has made my anxiety worse. I dread the mornings, but even this damn shaking and internal angst won't stop. Had a couple of panic attacks at work today but managed to calm myself down a bit but then resorted to 2mg of diazepam. This has been since January now and it's getting me down. My mum is coming for the weekend and she's just asked me how I am and said "well I hope you're not going to be like it at the weekend" so no pressure there then....even my lovely supportive mum is running out of patience. A few people, especially a friend, at work have been totally unsupportive or sympathetic then hubby keeps saying "hope you're going to be going on this holiday" (June).....more pressure to be better. Why doesn't anybody understand what hell this is on a daily basis and we haven't got an 'off' switch!!!
-
Justjules- :hug:
I understand totally how you are feeling.
The thing with ADs is they can make you worse before you get better. That's when people give up on them. My GP told me years ago when I told him I was getting worse on the meds.
It is hard for others to understand especially if they've never gone through it themselves.
My DH tries to understand but it's impossible for him to do anything to help me.
I have been so deep in the black hole and anxiety buzzing but I have always got through even though at the time I thought I never would.
Can't remember how long you've been on Ads? X
-
I know Dyan, sometimes you just feel like you are in this totally alone.
I have been on Citalopram since end of March.....10mg now 20mg for a week. Was on them for 15 years before having a break last April but then started the slippery slope once autumn sets in and Christmas. I always took BBs with them so that's the big difference this time but Dr took me off them as the ones I was on weren't compatible with the Citalopram (after taking them together for 15 years!) but she said nothing wrong with heart and it was a very low dose so shouldn't make any difference but I think it does. This waking at 5:00am with the racing heart and hot flush didn't happen till I stopped the BBs.
-
Since March ok. It might seem a long time,but it's not really,for them to get into your system.
Strange that you can't have the BB now after having them before and if they help you.
I had them for panic attacks when I had PND with my middle child. That was the first time I ever went on ADs. Didn't want to take them but GP said I was severely depressed and I wouldn't get better without them. I carried on regardless of how I felt, worse,most of the time,and eventually after a few months I began to see the light. Once I recovered I had never felt so wonderful in my life.
I get the racing heart too when I wake. Been getting it for 3 mornings now and my night sweats have come back too. Waiting to have my mirena changed once this infection is clear.
-
I know, I probably am expecting too much too soon but something needs to work soon. Dr said I could have an ECG next week and then go back on BBs but then I'll be fretting about interactions so can't win.
Yes, Dyan, saw your thread about you waiting for your mirena to be changed...don't know anything about them or HRT really but hope you feel better soon. The racing heart is awful, makes me so anxious for a few hours and I'm missing a couple of hours precious sleep because if it.
-
Justjules - know just how you feel - The mornings are the worst, as soon as I awake the thoughts start & the anx is there - just want to the night to come again so can sleep and not endure the hellish feelings and thoughts ...People that don't suffer struggle to understand and sympathise & lose patience ( I guess) - which makes us feel more alone and the anx/panic becomes depression.. I have been on Citalopram for a few years now, but cant say they really do much & sometimes I just have to resort to a diazepam to calm my mind down...
-
:hug:when do you see your GP again Booboo?
-
One week I can almost feel normal - as in not thinking bad/negative thoughts all the time, always fearing some health issue & going back over things in the past ...Then it all comes again and I get into a cycle of anxiety and fearing all bad things ...will be 55 this year and just sometimes struggle to see any future ..
Booboo, I understand how you feel. :hug:
I was exactly the same, exactly, late last year and earlier this year.
I was in a very dark place with all you describe above plus also insomnia and paranoia (basically that people don't like me, both strangers and people I knew. I can see how irrational that was now but at the time I was CONVINCED)
I don't know if you're on HRT?
I eventually took myself in a sobbing heap to the GP and after researching I asked for estrogel so that I could up my oestrogen to see if that helped.
I also asked for small dose of older AD for the sleep issues.
Long story short, I ditched my 2mg oestrogen tablets and switched to 3 pumps of gel and I am much much better! :)
If you are on HRT could you up your oestrogen , just to see if it helps? If not on HRT could you be persuaded to try?
My negative feelings have gone. I still get little bearable blips as I am still in perimenopause but all in all much better.
-
Also sending hugs to you other ladies suffering similarly :hug:
Interesting to read this whole thread, as I too was 'a bit OCD' early in life and am now like that with neatness around the home. I've never been diagnosed with anything either but in this age of internet information and research I recognise traits which are definitely me, also traits of aspergers too. I particularly cannot shake off bad experiences and will dwell and dwell on them much longer than is normal. I wish I didn't but that's me.
Also of interest and I wonder if you can relate is - if I am having a feeling good stretch with nothing to worry about and should be happy and enjoying the good times, that is when I will start to get the 'what ifs' creep in. Mainly a fear of illness, like something is SURE to happen to make me sad and worry again. Like I need something to worry about? :-\
I know it's all silly now but when it happens, it's real.
Anyhoo, just to reiterate, extra oestrogen did help me. I feel fine. For now at least! :D
-
Interesting you say that Clovie. My therapist told me that in a perverse sort of way, our anxiety state give us some sort of comfort blanket because it's all we know as feel 'safe' there even though it's horrendous. When we feel 'free' we then feel vulnerable and that's when the 'what ifs' start and we then get back into the circle of anxiety yet again. I can relate to that.
-
Hi Clovie, thank you for that. It's good to hear something positive.
I just want to feel ' normal ' again. I use sandrena gel and have a mirena which is being changed soon.
I am experiencing the low progesterone symptoms, anxiety, low mood, no sense of well being, cramps,Breast pain. I have to wait until my infection is cleared before I can have a new mirena- can't wait!
,
-
Yes Clovie - I get exactly the same feeling - the good stretch can't possibly last forever as something bad is bound to come along to, usually health related and then any odd twinge is something really awful!
Interesting about dwelling on all the bad things that have happened - one of my daughters is exactly like that, she remembers conversations from years ago and she worries like crazy about them now, why did she say this? why did that person say that? She is also like me in that everything is all or nothing. Is that an OCD trait?
S x
If that IS an OCD trait, then that's me for sure!
I too go over and over stuff from the past and also recent events too. "Why did I say that?" "I should have said this/that"
It drives my hubby nuts. He says I overthink and analyse everything.
I'm much worse coming up to and during my period/bleed due to progesterone, but it's bearable with utrogestan. With the synthetic progs I was off the page. :o
Before I upped the oestrogen it seemed to be all the time though :(
and YES sparkle!! You have summed up how I feel in your first paragraph!
It's like when everything is good and I'm on top of everthing within my POWER to be on top of, the fear of serious illness or something bad happening outwith my control creeps in. It's exactly that. And I can relate to the comfort blanket thing too. I'ts like it's normal for me to be worried about something.
.
-
Oops, meant to write
Good luck Dyan! :)
-
:thankyou: Clovie X
-
I experience all of the above to. It doesn't take much to tip me over the edge into anxiety/depression then I worry about everything and can become paranoid and think that people don't like me, are talking about me etc. I find that things seem more manageable if I get enough sleep.
I'm still so confused re HRT etc. I was always led to believe that anxiety etc were the result of high estrogen, not low. my GP is desperate to get me on HRT and I'm still thinking about it. I've been using bio-identical progesterone for a couple of years which makes a huge difference if I use it properly and religiously but I don't always.
Thank God for this site!