Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: warwick01 on August 12, 2015, 11:59:13 AM
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Hi - went to my GP (who is lovely) and just completely broke down. I was in floods of tears. She was lovely and offered what help she could. However I think I'm at the point of despair. I have tried so many different types of HRT, AD make me so sick. I am so depressed I am in tears writing this email.
I am suffering extreme anxiety, scary thoughts, will not go out, my stomach churns from wakening in the morning, more importantly this off balance feeling that scares me. I am so agitated and tense it's unbelievable. It feels like a nervous breakdown. She asked me if I had told anyone how I was feeling?? but NO not even my DH. She wants me to go back on Friday with him for a chat.
I am still using 3/4 pumps of gel but I don't think it's working. She has taken some bloods this morning, hopeully that may show something. I also take thyroxine.
I am so scared right now of what may happen!
Thanks for listening, your the only friends I have Wx
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Hi Warwick10, sounds as if you've made the first small step in talking to your GP :) And it's good that she wants to see you with your DH as well, he must have some idea that things aren't great with you? Try not to get too worked up before Friday if you can and in the meantime......... :foryou:
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:bighug:
You've done the right thing in going to see your GP! Good idea to go back with your DH. He'll be there for support & be a second set of ears for information you might miss. Try not to worry though. Your GP will set things in motion with regards help. Let us know how it goes.
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Bless your heart, I really hope your visit with hubby on Friday gets something sorted
You're not going mad, your hormones are, remember that
Have you tweaked dosages as opposed to trying different ones ?
I have changed a few times recently hoping that's the answer but it wasn't, so now I'm tweaking patch sizes/strengths to see what I feel best on
Keep talking, there's always someone here to listen
Annie xx
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Thank you all for the kind words!!
I just can't stop crying today, possibly a bit of relief at talking to my lovely GP. I am going to sit down with my DH tonight and tell him I am feeling. Yes he knows something is not right with me as I keep making excuses not to go out. I gave up my job several months ago and I have avoided meeting up with my old pals.
If only the off balance feeling (like walking on a boat) would stop I think I could get through this. The Gyne doctor says there is no connection to meno yet it is listed under 34 related symptoms...... I'm so confussed :)
At 56 I would have thought I would be through the worst. I really hope the blood test show something to work with.
Thank you so much for just being there and understanding Wxxx
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Poor you. Sounds like you have a good GP though, willing to listen and help out with DH too, I know mine just does not 'get it' at all.
I do hope you can find something to make you feel better soon. I know at my worst I can cry for days and its horrid, also feel there is nobody to talk too when like this.
Try get out in the better weather if you can, I'm told it helps - warm and sunny with me today.
take care and stick around, we understand x
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Warwick01 :hug:
I understand what you are going through in relation to the extreme anxiety,scary thoughts & depression. I've been there myself.
You have taken the first step in visiting your GP who sounds really good.
Once you have talked to your DH that will be another weight off your mind and then Friday will soon be here.
Thinking of you.
We are all here for you. X
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Hello warwick01 and so sorry to read that you are suffering.
Like many ladies I have been where you are and feared I was having a breakdown so I do sympathise.
I wonder if the off balance feeling is linked to your thyroid and a review of your meds may be needed. A friend of mine needed several changes to her thyroxine dosage while going through the menopause and I think some ladies on the forum have have also had problems.
It is also possible that you have an infection or an inflammatory condition such as Labyrnthitis which causes balance problems ( I had this five years ago and I literally couldn't walk straight, it was like being on board ship and was treated with steroids ).
I'm sure your blood tests will reveal any such problems and you are fortunate that you have a proactive GP.
Take care warwick, my heart goes out to you and I hope you turn a corner soon.
Wishing you well and keep posting.
K.
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Hi Warwick, if it's any help I have been there to and it's horrid.....as for the off balance, mine was an inner ear infection, and that soon got sorted......I wonder how many of the ladies on here have NOT been in floods of tears? I know I have.......grrrrrr hormones have a lot to answer for.
For you and I hope you soon feel better :tulips2:...
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Sometimes I get a woozy sudden feeling like I'm going to fall but it's probably due to a nerve in the back of my neck. Maybe an X-ray of your cervical spine might be in order, or do some gentle neck movements whilst sitting down and see if the feeling is re-produced?
Anxiety is the PITS >:( - it's background with me at the moment which makes doing anything outside of the house/garden a real challenge. Ask your GP if you could have Valium or another type of anti-anxiety med on an as-necessary basis: maybe take it for 2/3 days x 3 and see what reaction you get, it should calm you. Then you can use it when anxiety is going to be a problem, i.e. before an event. Or if you feel anxious in the day to knock the feelings on the head.
Let us know how you get on!
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Hi Warwick, you have my understanding too....felt such a wave of doom and despair this morning, it will get better xxx
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You may find it is your thyroxine which apparently is effected by estrogen ! It's all complicated stuff but my friend on hrt and thyroxine is always having to tweak her thyroxine dose because of this ! She did explain it and I looked it up at the time but I forgot it exactly now :P could be what's happening with you.
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Hi Warwick. I am so sorry you are going through this.
I completely understand what you mean when you talk about feeing so depressed and despairing. I get episodes of this regularly and find them soul destroying and also very frightening. During these awful episodes I also battle anxiety which stops me wanting to go anywhere 'new' or do anything 'new'. Even doing familiar stuff feels overwhelming and frightening.
The only other time have suffered symptoms like this was when I had post natal depression so I know my hormones are causing my problems. Would it help you to tell yourself that it isn't YOU who is causing these feelings, it is your hormones causing them. You, your brain, sense of self, personality (whatever you want to call it) is still just as it always was. There's nothing 'wrong' with it. It's just that your hormones are causing chemical reactions in your brain.
Please try and talk openly to your DH. When I finally confessed to my DH how dreadfully low and anxious I was feeling it felt like a huge weight had lifted off my chest. It really helped me to not feel so alone anymore.
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Hi Warwick
Just wanted to send a big hug and let you know you are not alone xxxx
I had severe anxiety before my breakdown in March which was meno related - my hormones had got all out of whack. It was really horrible as it felt like my nervous system was on high alert all the time and I couldn't switch it off - I had constant dry mouth and in a state of fear.
I'm getting better. And you will too.
Sharing your feelings with the GP and your partner will help.
Get your thyroid levels tested as they may definitely be throwing things out.
The HRT that helped me was Evorel patches (I'm on Evorel 50) and 100mg Utrogestan which I take for around 26 days a month I think.
Exercise has helped me (I got a GP exercise referral form for the sports centre).
Also relaxation exercises.
I also see a therapist and I'm really careful with my diet. I did have CBT by phone (it's called ITalk) but I didn't find that as helpful so I am seeing a therapist privately though it costs more.
I've been reading accounts of people recovering from nervous breakdown which has helped too. Two books I've read which I found helpful are : Black Rainbow by Rachel Kelly and Depressive Illness the curse of the strong by Dr Tim Cantopher. I've also read Sally Brampton's account of her depression which is called Shoot the damn dog - but I liked the book by Rachel Kelly more.
Sending lots of love and hugs xxx
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Hi Warwick, so sorry to hear it's become worse, but opening up to your doctor, and now especially to your DH is a good thing.
Please don't feel like you're on your own in this, you mentioned thinking that at 56 you thought you would be through the worst, just to say that I am 54 and over 4 years without a period but this terrible anxiety is one of the newer symptoms - I too thought I'd be through the worst by now.
I had a particularly bad few days a couple of weeks ago, and I really thought I was on the edge of a breakdown, I still have the anxiety of course, but that feeling of hanging off a dark abyss by my fingertips has subsided for now. Yours will too, we will get through this. I know ADs don't agree with you, but what about a beta blocker or something stronger for those really bad times? I have beta blockers now to use 'as required' rather than daily, haven't taken one yet, but it helps to know they're there.
Hang on in there Warwick xx
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Thanks again for your support - it really helps to know I'm not alone.
Greenfields - you describe exactly how I'm feeling, yes I know its my hormones but I feel like a broken women :(
I also suffered like this post natal, like child birth it fades with time. Also not sure if it's an age thing but don't feel as strong as then.
I spoke with my DH last night still in floods of tears, he is supportive and he will come to GP tomorrow. However I still feel he doesn't understand how deep I am in this dark hole, of which I can't get a grip to get out...........
I truly wish I had friends close by who understand this misery (set me off crying again) xxxxx
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Nobody I know well in my life is going through menopause and have the symptoms I have, I have no mum, my sister left our family years ago (she's 10 years older so definitely post meno) so for me this forum is a lifeline
Annie xx
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Hi Annie - same with me. I do remember my mum passing a comment when she was menopausal ( don't think she linked it to meno) that her nerves were really bad and she found her self running out of shops.......... mmm makes me think! Growing up I can remember my Nan always having a drink of alcohol during the day, again makes me think!
I have tried to talk to women such as neighbours and a couple of friends my age about menopause and how bad it can feel. Not one has ever said they suffer and never seem to want to talk about it. I wonder if sites like this are good because its anonymous?? I was only thinking this morning more information should be on TV about the extent of suffering during the menopause (not just flushes etc) but as my last job was in productions in TV......... would I sit in front of a camera and tell the world how bad my symptoms are?????
Wxx
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Hi Warwick
You are sounding a little better today. It does help to chat to those who understand. I do have my Mum, who went through hell and my daughter who has pre-natal depression just now and also getting battered by hormones.. BUT I cant tell either of them how bad things are, they would both worry.. how do you tell those so close you can spend hours in floods of tears for the most stupid of things? and how sometimes leaving the house is an achievement?
You are right, this should be made more public and there should be more help available, and more GP's who actually have a clue (but that is another story ;)) I know I couldnt talk in public, as we have said before when ignored it makes us angry, but given any sympathy and it makes us cry.
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I'd talk to anyone who could be bothered to listen !
I started chatting with a neighbour about it (she's 7 years older and menopausal) I thought omg I've got a meno buddy but she clamped up and stopped mentioning it, sad because we were switching notes
A woman I sit next to at work is 9 years older so I asked her how she managed "sailed through it" was her response , my friend who's post meno and had a terrible time with thyroid mess for years and had hysterectomy many moons ago can't help as the thyroid ruled her life
I don't get flushes so I haven't even got that in common with anyone
My mum suffered hot flushes and I swear she must've had depression as it was that time she started drinking heavily and hiding it, and her moods after alcohol were unpredictable, but she never ever went to the docs so never got treatment, poor lady
Annie xx
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How did it go at the doctors?
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It's just not talked about openly is it. Particularly the depression and anxiety issues. On another meno website a well respected poster rather coldly informed me that I must just be mentally ill because she's never experienced depression/anxiety during meno and neither had any of her friends. Which was nice. The fact my anxiety/depression can disappear completely for up to 2 weeks at a time wasn't taken into consideration at all. Apparently I needed to be under a psychiatrist not a gynaecologist.
I tried mentioning my peri meno symptoms to a few friends who I suspected were also suffering (complaining of insomnia, headaches, feeling too 'stressed') but the second I mentioned the 'M' word they clammed up and changed the subject.
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I wish it was talked about more, you can feel so alone at times and like you are the only one suffering.
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Hi - just want to update all my friends regarding visit to GP with DH.
We arrived and was told she was 30 minutes behind. I sat there completely wired (which is my problem) my shoulders up to my ears, Im so tense it'e untrue. Anyway she was lovely. I was in tears just with relief she was supporting me. She asked my DH if he was aware of how bad I was feeling >:( he replied he had noticed I was avoiding going out, and that I had such a short fuse these days, then I would be in tears. She told him she treats lots of women like this and it is a difficult time for couples. She told him it will pass but I need help and support now.
Basically she as suggested I try 10mg Citrapem (not sure about spelling) I told her I had bad experience with Sssr AD 16 years ago so she suggested I cut them in half to start. Also she as referred me for CBT but wants me to go out as much as possible with my DH. Still waiting for my blood results which I should get Tuesday.
My DH took me for a drink after and I could not stand being sat in public. I find busy, public places are too difficult to bear. My husband keeps asking if Im OK.... which must be 50 times upto now.
Oh I told my GP about how much of a support you ladies and this site has been.
Enjoy ur weekend W xx
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Hi Warwick 01. Well at least you have made a start well done ! Try and persevere with the citlopram it should help give you a bit of stability and some ladies find it helps with hot flushes too. Also remember that ADs of sixteen years ago are not all the same nowadays,likewise your body is different too. I always said I can't get on with them but here Iam taking them alongside my hrt and really glad that I did. Hope you start to feel better soon.
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I agree toffeecushion. So many times I have feltike the loneliest person on Earth when I wake like a meerkat at 3am and get the dreaded anxiety.
It really helps that you ladies both understand and sympathise.
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Don't ask me how I am 'cos I have to make a decision and that increases the likely hood of a panic attack :beat: - however, we have a buzz word when out with family/friends which means I have to leave NOW!
Also - are there places that you can go with DH that is quiet? i.e. walks in the countryside …… away from noise and people. I find when anxious that noise makes me feel worse. Cooking smells from pubs etc. can upset me as when anxious my senses are heightened! Taking a picnic somewhere quiet?
Little steps. Sit down with DH and have a plan. He will then feel included even if he can't empathise ;)
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Bless ya Warwick and your hubby too
You'll get there, as we all will
Annie xx
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Hi warwick
Just to say I'm sorry to hear about how you'ree feeling at the moment as I know you've had a struggle recently with the different types of HRT and doses etc. I agree it is puzzling why you are still being affected as you will be most likley post-meno - but I think you are probably reacting to the decrease in dose and all the changes that you've had recently ( in HRT). So glad you've talked to your husband at last so you can share your feelings and get his support - and I do hope you will feel better little by little.
Hurdity x :hug:
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So many women have what you are going through Warwick, myself included. I think you have a great GP and she seems so understanding, this is what you need. Why oh why is menopause kept so quiet, all i thought it consisted of were hot flushes, how wrong could i have been. Flushes on their own would have been easy but it is all the other horrid things we experience that takes it's toll. :foryou:
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Sorry Warwick I missed your update. Its a horrid feeling I know but seems your hubby is doing his best to support you, bless him.
Hope you get something to help you feel better soon.
jgr - gets me too that we are not better informed, my poor daughter is getting bored to tears by all this so she knows what to expect and can get help asap.
Warwick, I told my nurse how great everyone here was too.
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Hi Ladies,
I have had some better days this week, although Monday was hard, cried all day. Still feel anxious and panickyy when I go out. I still feel my hormones are out of sink. I got my results today.
Estrodol - 281
prog - less than 1
FSH - 15.0
The Estrodol is low for someone using 4 pumps of oestrogel per day. Fingers crossed I have apt with private Gyne Consultant tomorrow......
p.s you ladies have given me strength when I was at my lowest :-*
Wxx
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:bighug:
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Hopefully they'll fix you and you'll feel better soon
Fingers crossed for you xx
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Don't ask me how I am 'cos I have to make a decision and that increases the likely hood of a panic attack :beat: - however, we have a buzz word when out with family/friends which means I have to leave NOW!
Also - are there places that you can go with DH that is quiet? i.e. walks in the countryside …… away from noise and people. I find when anxious that noise makes me feel worse. Cooking smells from pubs etc. can upset me as when anxious my senses are heightened! Taking a picnic somewhere quiet?
Little steps. Sit down with DH and have a plan. He will then feel included even if he can't empathise ;)
CLKD, I love the idea of having a trigger word that means "Get me the hell out of here". I have done the same in the past when forced to go to a party I am not looking forward to. Just saying to the Hubster "How is yr back feeling" sounds innocuous but we know what it really means and give s a good lead into an excuse!
Lxx
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Yep. It saves me needing to justify to all around how I really feel ;).
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How's it going Warwick, feeling any better?
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Warwick01 I just wanted you to know emotional symptoms you describe match mine exactly. I feel a nervous wreck most of the time, morbid thoughts, anxiety, shaky etc. I take kalms - not sure they have any affect but it feels like I'm doing something! I'm trying to bear with it and take the same HRT 6months to settle down. Not sure HRT is the answer though. The worst is waking at 4am in a panic and not being able to calm myself down. The only thing that's keeping me going is that I am up and down and I am hoping it will pass.
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Hi Warwick,
Just caught up with your thread.
Just want to say I'm thinking of you.
You will get there.
:hug: :foryou:
X
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Hi - thanks for your support.
I have appointment later today with a Councillor that my GP referred me too. I don't want to sound negative but I know it will be the same advice re how to manage a panic attack i.e not to retreat.....
The problem is I truly believe the way I feel is a chemical problem that is causing the anxiety. If I could just stop feeling so hyper, tense etc I could cope in situations.
I too wake around 4.00am in a panic, during the day I have adrenalin surges when trying to relax. I feel my body has adrenalin rushing through at speed. The strange head feeling I get as if Im about to faint may be due to the adrenalin.
I too pray this will pass :( just to add I feel better in the evening until it starts again the following morning!
Wx
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Update re appointment today.
I met with the councillor today. She was running 30 minutes late which caused me more anxiety.
I almost left......thank goodness I didn't she was really good. I felt so much better when I left, yes I was in floods of tears (but she gave me hope) She listened and was spot on with the comments. Although I still think hormones are a contributory factor, I live in hope she will help me find some quality of life.
Unfortunately I will only have 2 appointments before she leaves, so fingers crossed there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Wx
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It's strange how it affects us in the early morning and gradually decreases as the day goes on - anyone know why?
I have often wondered if it is related to cortisol, the 'flight or fight' hormone, which is highest in the mornings. Don't know why or what to do about it though :-\
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Babyjane - I think your spot on........ I feel as if Im constantly in fight or flight mode. The councillor also commented on that too.
She told me changing thoughts take longer what we need o do is change our behaviour by keeping as occupied as possible.
This must pass at some point :(
Wx
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Warwick I completely agree with you that your symptoms are caused by chemical reactions. Your hormones, especially oestrogen are closely linked to your production of serotonin which is your feel good chemical in the brain.
My mood can dip massively and the pangs of anxiety can kick in in less time than it takes to drink a cup of tea. Not a single thing in my life has changed in those few minutes so it HAS to be chemical.
And then of course once you have experienced this awful anxiety/ low mood the fear of experiencing it again stays with you, and it's always at the back of your mind.
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Glad you got on well with the councillor Warwick.
I agree with Gypsyroselee that your symptoms are caused by chemical reactions.
It is so true about the estrogen.
Hormones play a big part in how we feel.
They certainly helped me to feel normal again.
I take an AD for anxiety and I'm fine on that.
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Hello Warwick.
I've been following your thread and I'm pleased to see that you benefited from your appointment today. Perhaps you can arrange to see someone equally proficient when this lady leaves.
I agree that our hormones are responsible for our problems but anything that helps us during this time is to be welcomed.
Wishing you well and sending hugs, I know how awful this meno anxiety can be.
Take care.
K.
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Warwick have you checked out Sarah Rayners book?
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Making-Friends-Menopause-comforting-support-ebook/dp/B00T9XUNXI
-its really helpful. She's also written a good book on anxiety too
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Making-Friends-Anxiety-supportive-little/dp/1502345420/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
I found them both helpful. And she makes the connection around hormones and anxiety at the menopause in her book.
She's got some FB support groups too - altho' I haven't tried them.
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Hi everyone. I can relate to all of the anxiety symptoms too. I know it's probably been mentioned before (but this site has a lot of threads to trawl through and I am relatively new here) but:
It seems so unfair that some women sail through menopause without more than a hot flush while the rest of us are crippled with anxiety. Are those of us with the latter very anxious people to begin with or do you think it is purely menopausal hormones affecting some of us in different ways?
For myself, although I am a bit of a worrier, I did not suffer anxiety attacks during my lifetime until I had a hysterectomy 22 years ago. This anxiety was eased by a naturopathic remedy and I have been fine until this year. I am 56 now so it has been a long time between attacks. This time it's much worse. As you all say, it has to be hormones! But are we all worriers to start with? If this were the case, wouldn't i have had these attacks of pure fear when under extreme pressure at times during my life? I did not! It is not related at all to what is going on in my life.
What is the general opinion on this? :-\
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Hi Lyn
Yes I agree, some people like myself are prone to anxiety. This hormonal anxiety is different it feels out of my control and therefore when people say ride the anxiety :( this is not possible because due to the adrenalin I have no control.......
When previously under pressure and feeling anxious, I still had control 9hope this makes sence)
Wx
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Hi everyone. I can relate to all of the anxiety symptoms too. I know it's probably been mentioned before (but this site has a lot of threads to trawl through and I am relatively new here) but:
It seems so unfair that some women sail through menopause without more than a hot flush while the rest of us are crippled with anxiety. Are those of us with the latter very anxious people to begin with or do you think it is purely menopausal hormones affecting some of us in different ways?
For myself, although I am a bit of a worrier, I did not suffer anxiety attacks during my lifetime until I had a hysterectomy 22 years ago. This anxiety was eased by a naturopathic remedy and I have been fine until this year. I am 56 now so it has been a long time between attacks. This time it's much worse. As you all say, it has to be hormones! But are we all worriers to start with? If this were the case, wouldn't i have had these attacks of pure fear when under extreme pressure at times during my life? I did not! It is not related at all to what is going on in my life.
What is the general opinion on this? :-\
Its definitely hormonal. I had panic attacks in my twenties and early thirties. I got rid of them by training to be a yoga teacher and had a solid meditation practice too. Didn't experience any panic attacks for a good twenty years - then had an attack of pure terror for the first time this year (bore no relation to panic attacks in my twenties). Dr said that if you have a history of panic attacks then they can come back at menopause - wish I'd known this before it happened (I cancelled a move to Canada in response to it happening and then had a nervous breakdown ... that's a whole other story). Since I've been on HRT the anxiety has mostly gone but when I was experiencing it this year - it was definitely hormonal and bore no relation to what I was doing or how I was feeling at the time.
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Hi Greenfields
Good to hear your getting better, which HRT are you taking???
Any plans to move back to Canada??
Wxx
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Hi Greenfields
Good to hear your getting better, which HRT are you taking???
Any plans to move back to Canada??
Wxx
The HRT I'm taking is Evorel 50 patches (which I change twice a week) and 100mg Utrogestan - which I take for 25 days a month. I'm approaching my 6th cycle of this medication regime and it has really worked for me. I still get sweating occasionally but it's usually when I'm very stressed - so it's linked to my emotional state rather than my hormonal state per se. I don't get any bleeding on this regime either which is good.
I would love to move back to Canada but my Dr said lets see how I am the beginning of October - I'd like to make a visit back first. Moving back will be hard though as starting over again from scratch is going to be challenging. I could still stay in the UK - and may have to if my health isn't improved enough.
One of the big concerns I have is whether the last visit I made to Canada in March was one of the triggers for my breakdown. I know the out of whack menopausal hormones definitely impacted my decision making and I had a breakdown after withdrawing my place on my MSW course due to overwhelming anxiety and a panic attack which I put down to thinking that moving back to Canada would not be the right decision due to the way I was feeling (as I didn't know the menopause could impact one's anxiety levels).
But there were numerous other triggers as well - I've had a shit load of stress the last year due to several abusive landlords and an abusive manager where I worked as well as an extremely stressful job (which I left to move back to Canada) - but how much those factors played into everything I'm not sure. Living in another country is stressful but I've found since I returned to the UK last year that things are so so difficult and different here since I left in 2002. More than anything there seems to be such a selfish culture prevalent - something I've especially encountered with retired people - people who have their own homes and are doing okay thank you very much.
I know not everyone is in that position and there are lots of kind folks out there as well (thank God!) but the contrast with Canada has been quite striking - there isn't as much of a safety net in Canada but because of that, I think people reach out more to each other to help and there isn't the level of judgement around poor people that there is in the UK. There also isn't the class system that's prevalent in the UK and while there are problems with inequality and poverty, the housing crisis isn't anywhere near as bad as the UK and people in Canada who rent aren't viewed as failures in the same way as they are in the UK. There are also far more rental rules to protect people who rent too and it's a lot easier to rent than in the UK.
I just have more and more of a sense in the UK of a rich selfish minority who buy up all these properties and then along with the letting agents, screw people like me who have no hope of getting on the housing ladder.
I'm lucky in that I am now in charity run accommodation which is heavily subsidised (unlike housing associations which now have to charge 80% of market rent which is just ridiculous given how unaffordable rents are) and I definitely don't want to go back into the UK private rental sector - that would tip me into another breakdown. But it ties me to living where I am indefinitely - and the place I have is very very small (though I'm incredibly grateful for it and the kind people who run it).
But if I move back to Canada, I will probably have to do 2 or 3 p/t jobs so I need to have the stamina to do that ... and at the moment I don't and I have repetitive strain injury which makes things doubly difficult in terms of getting work. But I really miss aspects of the culture there a lot. That said, when I was there, I missed the UK a lot - but it's changed so much. If I do stay in the UK, I will have to work 2 jobs to make enough money to try and save for retirement as the care work I have lined up (when I'm able to do it) only pays 18K when you work f/t 40 hours a week - and that's not enough to save money for a pension.
But if I move back to Canada, I will have to pay for my own medications and if I did get ill again, it would be much worse in terms of support as the mental health services are over stretched and the welfare system isn't as good as the UK. So I don't want to go back and get ill again. I could reapply for the MSW ... but then I will be using up more of my savings in the hope that I can get a good job - which isn't guaranteed.
I could try and get a good job in the UK providing it's in the area I live in but working in social services is very hard with the horrible austerity cuts (I was supporting people with mental illness in my last job and saw first hand what was going on with cuts - and having since been ill myself, I wouldn't have got better if the churches/voluntary organisations and kind people hadn't stepped in).
At the moment I try not to think too far ahead as it's too much to take in.
But I think it's called being between a rock and a hard place.
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Hi Greenfields
Thank you for the below info.
I can relate to some of your issues. I started my dream job 18months ago in TV. Unfortunatly due to these hormonal issues I could not cope, the HRT did not work as well (became sensetised to the gel) so I gave up work. I have struggled mentally since, feeling like a failure and letting people down.
I am planning on getting better and start looking to go back to work January 20016. Our health is more important but I miss work and the company. I lost my friends when I became housbound, they ran out of patience with me :( some have not reach this stage yet. I have been going through this for eight years now. Up until 18 months ago I was ok on HRT but its all gone down hill now. I will be 57 in January.
Have you any hospitals close to you??? worth lookingon NHS jobs as a pretty good pension andif you can get a band 3 support role pays about 19000 with 5 weeks holiday.
Wx
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Aw sorry to hear that Warwick - you sound as if you are having as tough a time as I am.
My Dr says I can't start working until November at the earliest. I plan on doing the care work initially because I've got such a huge gap in my employment record now and I need to prove that I can work and stay well - and I hope I can because my savings are going down and I don't qualify for any benefits until April 2016 (at that time I will have been back in the UK 2 years - if I stay). And I have virtually no pension :( Not a good position to be in at 52.
I'll look at the Band 3 support post's - I'm within commuting distance of a couple of hospitals. I think I can manage care work providing I don't have to do nights - I can't do those. I find the switch from doing a late shift (finishing at 9pm) and then going in on an early shift (starting 9am) hard enough. The care work I have lined up with the agency has me finishing at 10pm - we'll see how that goes. But it's a 2 week schedule and I set my own hours. So I plan to start p/t to begin with. In November if I can.
Still hope to make a trip to Canada and possibly return but realistically am realising that it may not happen this year. Health is important but when you have no money coming in and your draining your savings it's hard.
Sorry to hear you lost your friends. I didn't make many friends while working my last job as I worked irregular 5 week shift pattern - so all I did was work and rest - I had no consistent time to meet anyone and make friends - and I didn't earn enough for a social life either. I've got more people in my life now but I don't feel like I have any 'real' friends in the UK. So I just get by the best I can with the support I've got from mental health groups and people who say hello to me in the community.
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I'm coming to this thread later than most but if it's any comfort to you I'm having similar problems. I've lived on my own for more years than not, suddenly I'm having the collywobbles about being by myself. Everything is giving me palpitations and I have always been the 'coper' in our family. I hate that I'm such a whittler. And tearful!!! I have never ever been a crier of any significance but I'm blubbing over Cheryl the Emmerdale dog.
I'm reluctant to visit my doctor for help - I've had disability problems for most of my adult life and they have been completely useless in helping with that so I struggle to imagine that they'd be any good with something like this. I'm not sure how to put the problem into words anyway. It's much easier when you are writing things down. I'm not sure how you describe the wierd, spacey, feeling out of synch sensation that keeps appearing.
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Sorry to hijack this thread but my heart goes out to so many of you. I only joined this forum last night seeking some basic seeking advice. I quickly read this thread and see that there are stories that make me want to just weep. Compared to so many brave women here and their stories if reading them doesn't kick my sorry backside into gear I don't know what will. I saw a doctor today and he said he was amazed at how the menopause can affect women so differently and some get far worse symptoms than others. To me it is unfair as people lives can be in a pretty bad state already for varying reasons) and then BANG here comes the menopause to just add to your problems. ??? I am definitely learning so much from reading this forum (still early days and so much reading to do ) and sharing your problems is a big step. I just wish I could do things to help some of those that are clearly suffering so much. :(
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Thanks, Sparkle. This forum is such an eye opener and is helping immensely. The doctor I saw today was young (not sure I had seen him before) and he looked at me a bit strange when I didn't know where to start. I think had I had a female doctor the start of the consultation would have been a little easier. He asked a few pointed questions about my mental health and I started to get emotional. He mentioned HRT and AD's as a starting point. I said if I could avoid both I really wanted to. He looked quizzical and then my brain kicked back in and I knew he was really listening and really wanted to try and help. The long and short of it we agreed I have a blood test to rule out anything other than the menopause, he gave me a massive print out to read so that I can fully understand what options are available if my feelings are due to the menopause. As I said on another thread the medical problems I have are nothing compared to what so many of you are suffering from and sometimes it's good to realise that things may seem bad but in the bigger scheme of things I think I am fully treatable whereas I now understand that so many others on this site have tried so many different things and yet are still suffering and have been for years. That just does not seem fair. :-\