Menopause Discussion > Personal Experiences
Emitophobia
CLKD:
>:( has stated ruled my life, I had my first panic attack at age 3 related to it ...... I became anorexic. Mum kept me alive on Rainbow Drops [chocolate buttons] ...... took me to a Dr at age 5 who told her that I 'woudl grow out of it' ... well I'm still waiting to grow ??? .... I have talked it through with many professionals but rarely friends as one night when vomiting [aged 8] I asked Mum to call the Dr and she told me that "the Dr would laugh" so, if the Dr will laugh the chances are that others will too. So it's been hidden. Even now.
There was a group in the UK called 'gut reaction' begun by a lady in Ross on Wye - her initial letter to me was as though I had written it myself. Every experience, every word ......... I hated school. In case I was taken ill [I never was in school or College], or in case others were poorly. I did manage to go on school bus trips to Dovedale or by train to London, even then at least 1 child would be ill or turn pale ......... :o but there were always teachers to deal with them. I can remember clearly every incidence of a child being sick in class and when I'm queasy it's those visions that return >:(.
Because I didn't eat properly my gut eventually gave up pushing food through my system. On 13 June 1998 I cracked up, I felt SO ILL ........ my Dr diagnosed irritable bowel syndrome and gave me medication to help kick start my spasm and after 4 days I felt a different person. The phobia continued however. In 2002 I was given beta-blockas to stop that adrenaline surge which causes my stomach to be queasy and I have begun to live again.
Apart from not being able to go to the theatre Hubby and I have a life once more. I still have my survival kit: when travelling by car I have a plastic box near my feet 'in case'; when shopping I have a plastic bag in my back pocket 'in case'; I also know where every bin or thick cardboard box is in each shop ::), 'in case' ......... when in a supermarket I mark where the flowers are stored and the household section where there are buckets 'just in case' .............
Do you realise how many food adverts are in magazines? I didn't until I tried to flip through one when I was queasy at night to divert my thought patterns :bang: :bang: :bang: and how many food adverts are on TV .......... how important food preparation is World Wide, I got so I didn't go out to eat because I know how much time people take over food and then to turn up and tell them I'm not hungry :-\ .......
Waffling done, off for brekkies. :bighug: for your daughter .........
Micky:
Hello CLKD
I can only imagine how awful it is and how difficult it must be to have a phobia such as yours, i have fears/phobias of certain thing like a lot of people probably do but nothing that has been as debilitating and from such a young age.. Was there something that sparked the phobia off?? I can understand how you how not felt able to tell a lot of people that you know as its not the kind of phobia that a lot of people are familiar with,unlike the more recognized ones such as spiders,small spaces,etc etc.. Glad with the help of beta blockers that you have felt able to have a life again.. :bighug:
CLKD:
Thank you. I was intubated as a baby so reflexes of fear or flight began immeidately so CBT didn't help as my habit is so engrained. Often when I feel sick it's because my gut is hungry but the fear strikes making it impossible to even be in the kitchen! I have 'safe' foods too ....... and will only eat certain things that Hubby cooks for me ....... I can make toast though ;)
Phobia can dominate every aspect of life, it even terrorised me in my dreams ........
My sister in law is afraid of spiders, she threw a Scholl [remember those] on top of one but it wasn't until I called in 3 days later that we found it dead; she hadn't been into that room just in case ......... buttons, kittens, string, flying, being trapped, the feel of velvet .......... the creepy crawlies is logical, it goes back to our cave man days when we didn't know what was lurking in that deep, dark space that we called 'home'. It doesn't make the fear any less ............. logic flies out the window when fear strikes >:(
Taz2:
CLKD - your post is interesting. I have gone through periods of having a phobia of being "ill" when staying with relatives etc. What interests me is the fact that you carry bags with you (just in case) you have a plastic thing in the car and know where thick cardboard boxes are etc. To me this sounds as if you are not so much worried about vomiting but more about the mess it will make in front of other people. I know that sounds strange but having bags and knowing where receptacles are will not stop you vomiting but will make it less unpleasant for others.
My phobia is because I don't want to let people down i.e. becoming ill when they have put themselves out to cook me a meal or make my room nice for me or arrange trips out. It is the fear of putting people out and upsetting them which, after a lot of counselling, I have managed to unravel. Being out of control is also part of it and your body is certainly out of your control when suffering either sickness or diarrhoea.
Just wondered what you thought.
Taz x
Micky:
Fears/phobias is an interesting subject, i think that lots of people must have a phobia about something and do not always know where the phobia has come from or how its developed. I have a fear of not being in control and not being able to cope,will not go in lifts for fear of being trapped,hate flying, dislike high rise buidlings,like to know where the exits are whenever i am in particular places.. I have had cbt and counselling and although it sometimes helps to talk, i do not feel that the therapy has cured me... I cannot remember any incidents from childhood or as an adult that have caused my fears/phobias,infact i do not remember anything much before the age of about 11, only odd bits and pieces.... Its interesting CLKD that your phobia began because you were incubated as a baby and that it affected you so deeply and has stayed with you all this time,from such a young age our memories can obviously consciously and subconsciously remember things that can have a deep and lasting effect........
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