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[Molly48]

Hi ladies, so had my first ever  mammogram 3 weeks ago.  Then 2 weeks later received a letter in the post saying my mammogram was unclear and i needed to attend the breast screening clinic . So i attended on Monday and it   was probably one of the worst mornings of my life .First, I was called in for another mammogram, and then 30 minutes later, I got called in for another one . Then a while after the second mammogram, I was called by the doctor and told I have 1 area that looked suspicious of cancer and another area they are not sure about . All on my right breast . My life just flashed in front of my eyes thinking about my boys and my husband and telling my mum and sister. Then she advised me that I needed an ultrasound that would hopefully give me more answers.  She said they are better at confirming a definite cancer. So she brought another consultant in to perform the ultrasound.  By this point, I had tears streaming down my face. But this doctor went to get another doctor so now I've got 3 doctors in the room. The 3rd doctor looked at the first area on the ultrasound and said it was a cluster of cysts, then the second area, and said another cyst.  But then said there is a small shadow 10mm in size so tiny that she's not 100% about right beside one of the cysts. But did say that it could be hormonal and that she wasn't as worried as when I first walked in. So, I had to have that bit biopsied and cysts drained . Oh, and they also put a titanium thing in so they know for future reference . So after all that, I had to have another mammogram to make sure the titanium was in place okay . Then, I was told to go to speak to the breast care nurse. But 5 minutes later, I was called in again for a 4th mammogram .  Then, the breast care nurse came to speak with me about taking care of my biopsied site . She said that since doing the last 2 mammograms, it's now a very low suspicious, so she is hoping the outcome of the biopsy is good news. I have an appointment a week on today for my results.  I am hoping it turns out to be good news obviously. But I'm not sure I can cope with the worry for that long. My nerves are absolutely shot to pieces . I just don't even know how I got through it all . I already have horrific anxiety.  I just don't understand what changed in the last 2 mammograms that made them think it's low suspicious.  Maybe since they drained the cysts and took the biopsy the area looked different?  My mum said if they really thought it was bad news they wouldn't have came and told me that it now looks even less suspicious. But I'm not sure I was in such a state maybe they just didn't want to frighten me . I'm just a mess with worry.  I don't know how I will physically get my self to the results appointment.  Xx

[jaypo]

I completely understand your worry, I too have been recalled in the past. Mine was due to them not having any prior images to compare,which I'm guessing was the same with you.
Cysts are very common in the breast as we age and I guess if they're in a cluster,it's harder for them to distinguish.
I think you're right when you said they did yet another mammogram after the cysts were drained,it would give them a far clearer picture.
It's going to be a long week for you,I've just had the same sort of week waiting for ct results but we get there,nothing else for it.
I'm quite sure they wouldn't have given you false hope,it's just not what they do. Even worse case scenario,bc is very treatable when caught early.
Do get accustomed to knowing the difference between cysts and nasties,when you self check,the nhs have a good description.
Good luck and do let us know how you get on please x

[Penguin]

I agree with your mum, they just would not give you false reassurance like that if it wasn't true. From your post, the only difference between the first two and last two mammogram is that you had the cysts drained. Given the 10mm area she wasn't sure about was right next to a cyst, it may well have looked different and less suspicious without something potentially pressing against this. I'm no medic but just trying to be logical here.
Is your surgery open until after 6pm? Because my advice would be to call and ask for something short term to take the edge off your anxiety for the next week. Failing that, find a walk-in tomorrow and ask there. For short term, acute anxiety, doctors usually prescribe something like diazepam and it just takes the edge off and slows your thoughts down. I have had a health scare and wouldn't have got through without some support.
Oh and don't Google, whatever you do Google is not your friend in these circumstances. I am speaking with a lot of experience here as I have health related ocd and youll end up down a rabbit hole xxxxx

[CLKD]

..... and Breath!  What's the worst that could happen?  Many medics don't know how to give news because they are doing this every day and forget how what patients are told may impact on them!  And patients don't think to ask because it becomes a blur!!

My lump didn't show on either mammogram or ultrasound, it was felt when I was washing in the bath.   I underwent removal of the lump, pre-cautionary radiation treatment for 4 weeks and regular appts for 3 years.   Our breasts alter all the while, there mayB some bruising after being probed too.  Any sample will be sent for histology as routine.


I have an appointment a week on today for my results.  . Jot down your worries.  The films will have to be reviewed by a Consultant Radiologist and reported on, which is routine.  Did U self refer, or did the GP suggest a mammogram? 

I just don't understand what changed in the last 2 mammograms that made them think it's low suspicious. 
. they had 4 films to compare as well as ultrasound scan.  Also discussion between Doctors will share experience of diagnosis. 

If U don't go the appt you will worry more.  As long as there are no outward abnormalities: i.e. bleeding from the nipple : try not to over think.  It is unlikely for anything to alter drastically between now and the appt and DON'T keep poking ;-)

[Molly48]

Hi ladies ,thank you so much for your long replies I really do appreciate you taking the time out your day .

I have some diazipam to take if I get really bad with the anxiety but I try and only take it as an emergency.  I will definitely be taking one when I go to the appointment.
We don't have walk in clinics here in Scotland so no one to speak with at weekends. 

At the end of the day I have no choice I just have to face whatever coming . I'm just absolutely terrified.  Having health anxiety all of my adult life doesn't help. 

And your right about Google I've absolutely terrified myself reading stories of different bc and what I could have and now convinced I'm done for .No more google for me that's for sure .. I am just so so scared all the time.
My family keep telling me you don't have bc as the doctors told you they now think it's low suspicious and said they are hoping for a good outcome.  But nothing is ever 100% .I think my problem is i feel so out of control in this situation that I can't do anything about it.
And I've read so many people say that if it's benign they tend to call you and cancel your face 2 face  appointment . So now I'm thinking if they don't call me then its got to be bad . My thoughts are out of control!!

[CLKD]

U R overthinking!  Anxiety can drive the brain into a continual round of 'what if, what if' - U can't alter what might B so make that list of worries to take with you.  A week is unlikely to make any difference in the outcome, rarely are cancers 'that' fast! 

I used 5mg 'valium/diazipam' the night B4 an event that I was unable to get out of.  Worked for me, I got a good night's sleep as well as being able to get through most of the day: until mid afternoon when the medication caught up  .  Who will go with you to the appt.?

Where have U read that info.?  I was never concerned about the ifs/others, went with the system of appt., tests when necessary, getting the results either with the GP or at the Hospital.  What's the worst that could happen?

[DottyD68]

Hi Molly48,

So sorry to hear that you have had an horrendous week. As someone who has HA (even phoning the surgery brings me out in a sweat) I can imagine how you are feeling right now and I wish I could fix it for you. I usually get myself so wound up that after a number of days I have anxiety exhaustion and am too tired to be anxious anymore. I get to the point where I just want the results so I can find out when I can start treatment. It is the unknown that is terrifying. But as jaypo said, in the worst case it is not benign, they will have caught it early and there will be a treatment plan.

A good friend of mine had serious colon cancer which she recovered well from but remained on her Consultant's books for 5 years after she got the all clear. She used to get really bad "Scanxiety" the weeks before her annual scan and results and her Consultant advised her to "Deal with the facts". I know that is probably little help at the moment and very difficult to do, but they are wise words.

Not sure any of the above will be helpful, but it is intended to be and I am sending you calming and positive energy X

[CLKD]

Morning.  Did U sleep?   DottyD68 - reminds me of a Surgeon who suggests: we can't change what happened yesterday: we can't guess what will happen tomorrow: we have to deal with what we have in our hand now.

I used to have the 'what if' B4 each follow up appt., which is totally natural. 

[Gnatty]

Sometimes when the anxiety gets to the point where you can hardly function and you don't know how you are going to get through the day then I would say that is exactly the time you take a diazepam that you have been prescribed. They have a long half life so you might only need two or three over the next few days to get you through. It's so hard to stop spiralling OCD type thoughts, so be kind to yourself and don't deny yourself something that will help.
And I'm sure everything will be ok xx

[jaypo]

This is exactly what people with anxiety do,they think things like......if they want to see me,it's bad news,if they don't call,it's bad news,like clkd says,it's over thinking, I do exactly the same , I've just had the week from hell because of overthinking,which in turn brings on headaches,depression gut upsets etc but I know nothing we say will reassure you,none of us take our own advice very well 🙄

[Molly48]

Hi ladies, thank you so much for your replies again.
CKLD ,I did sleep albeit woke up a lot but at least I slept. Its the overwhelming morning anxiety that really gets me every time . Last night I managed to convince myself that it's all going to be fine and focused on what they did say not what they didn't.  But all that disappears when I awoke this morning.  I've got a busy day with my kids and football so I've got to keep it together as I can't and won't fall apart in front of them.
Gnatty yes I may have to take a diazipam to get me through today . Its going to be a long day .
Jaypo I am so sorry you are going through a hard time I really hope it all is okay for you too. I am a classic overthinker even when I'm not in this state but this extreme to say the least.
I just wish I didn't have to wait any longer as its total torture xx

[CLKD]

U have kids too which may well keep anxiety levels high. 

When will taking the 'valium' benefit you the most?

[Molly48]

CKLD I could probably do with it now as I need to stay calm in front of my kids .

[CLKD]

Which dose have U been prescribed?  MayB 1 this evening to see how you feel in the morning?  I had propranolol to ease early morning anxiety surges.

[Molly48]

CKLD, it's 2mg so very low dose . I don't do well with propranolol they always make my palpitations worse .

Yes I think I will try the 2mg tonight. 
I'm just back from football and then we are going to the cinema with the kids . So trying to keep busy x