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[CLKD]

He's going to his hobby is 1 issue: taking others is another.  Do U worry about him with her?  I would be pleased if DH took people that I have no connection with or who I simply don't like (long story short) but not if there's a particular woman!

Keep a diary of your feelings.  See how your finances stack up.  What would you do alone, do you have hobbies etc.?  The question that the Psychologist would ask in a similar situation to your own, is "how would you feel if he/she dropped dead tonight?"  No need to reply, it's your gut reaction that drives the next step.

....... and breath. 

[Nellie Noo]

CLKD thank you . Food for thought ! Just cant think straight today .. i definitely need someone to talk to ! 🥰

[CLKD]

Have U always lived separate lives i.e. hobbies?   We have been joined at the hip since the 1st night we went out  - we don't take separate holidays, I go along when he is at his hobbies etc..  I've also learnt to say 'not coming' when it suits me 

[getting_old]

I think we all change as we age so the things we valued in our 20s and 30s are very different to those we value in or 50s and 60s, and its the same with friends, so it's really not surprising that we change our minds about our spouses too. We can love someone but not like them or have anything in common with them, and we have to decide whether we're happy to live together but separately. I've always encouraged OH to have interests that don't involve me, as well as shared interests, but I would be a bit upset if he went away with people I really disliked. That said if they are really interested in boating and it is a genuine shared interest then it would be less of an issue because I'd know he wasn't just trying to annoy me.

[jaypo]

I agree getting_old,we can love someone very much,then ,just not,it does happen,it's not a crime and if feelings change,then it's time to do something about it,I never say anything negative if you hear of a marriage break up,it's nobody's fault. Good luck on what you decide Nellie Noo

[Nellie Noo]

getting _ old and jaypo … thank you for your comments . No these people are not into sailing really, hes invited them for the company 🤷‍♀️
I have taken on board what you have just said , and  if I'm totally honest , yes , after all these years of course i care about him ,but i dont think i love him anymore . He's so irritating and selfish .. and im sick of having to explain stuff to him for him to turn round and tell me im either too deep or being ridiculous ! Menopause is hard enough without having to deal with a husband that is hard work ! We are very different  people now and this is the problem…. i think xx

[jaypo]

What do you think you'll do? When I left my previous partner, I had money behind me and a house ready for me to move to,it wasn't easy even then but I knew I had to leave,my feelings were turning  into hatred and it's not a nice feeling, I hope you resolve it xx

[CLKD]

I would say tnx to getting_old ;-)

I would suggest taking care of you.  He seems to have his Life sorted ........ what else that you may have 'done together' no longer happens?  MayB have a lookC at rental prices in your area etc., do you have pets to move too?  Landlords will soon not be able to refuse pets ...... I'm not sure that I agree with it because I've seen damage done !!

How is his mood on his return?  I have a scientific husband who contradicts everything that I suggest !! even twisting my words ........ he is too logical, probably slightly autistic: when I read something from the Press or make a suggestion he will have the opposite answer!  However. 

[getting_old]

It sounds like you care about him, which is understandable as you've been together for a long time, however you no longer like him because you've both changed over the years. You say that over the years he's caused immense upset and you know he's not going to change, so you can either decide if you want more of the same, or you want to try something different, which of course is the scary option. Sometimes I think it's the fear of the unknown that makes us stay in our comfort zone. Do you want to stay and either try to be together or to live separate lives, or do you think you'd be happier without him? Easy to write, but extremely hard to decide 

[CLKD]

No one deserves to be abused or ignored. 

[Nellie Noo]

Therein lies the problem .. do i stay and accept what he is and deal with it  or go and lose everything we have built up and be on my own ? And yes its the fear of the unknown . Not nice at 57 😔
 my emotions are running high and i cant think clearly until the emotions calm down . So im going to wait until he returns and try to thrash it through … literally and in my head as well . I cannot express how grateful i am for all your kindness and understanding ladies . Im so private normally but felt safe on this forum to vent . There is one thing though that i do understand and its that stress is a hateful thing . I have felt so stressed these last few weeks and its starting to show through my body . Aches and pains have kicked off , my stomach is like a washing machine and sleep .. hell whats that ?!?!  😘

[jaypo]

Do let us know Nellie Noo,we'll all be thinking about you for sure.

[Nellie Noo]

🥰🥰😘

[getting_old]

Definitely not nice. I'd suggest thinking through your options and deciding what you want before you discuss it with him, then maybe asking him how he feels and what he wants. It doesn't have to be a straight stay or go decision as I know couples who have stayed together because it made financial sense but have lived varying degrees of separate lives. In one case just taking separate holidays to suit their tastes, whilst in another they split the house into two.

[CLKD]

"How was your break?  Is the boat OK?"

Then sit and listen, if indeed he is interested in sharing.  Get a feel for his mood after his return ......... then hit him with it ;-).

MayB writing a letter would be easier?  What ever - let us know.