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[Skylark]

Hello ladies,

I'm perimenopausal (almost 57!). Just had a mirena fitted after various investigations for heavy and prolonged bleeding including polypectomy, hysteroscopy. All clear but the hope is the coil will settle things). However I'm still spotting after 7 weeks, but at least not flooding anymore. I work in a highly stressful job - senior post- and with so much going on at work and with my health and family I hit a wall before Christmas and was signed off with work-related stress. I had applied for a job and not heard anything back,  but last week I heard I'd been successful.  No idea of a start date yet but it will be perfect for me. I can't go on as I am. Even not working I'm suffering extreme anxiety,  waking early with a huge surge that makes me feel sick with fear. The dread of returning to my old job to work my notice is immense. As it is I need a stress risk assessment and a back to work plan,  but my manager isn't exactly supportive and in fact was putting me under pressure before Christmas to return before my note ended. I'm worried about my previously spotless sickness record going against me with my reference so the offer will be withdrawn. I did tell the new employer I was stressed in my current role and they were very understanding. I've been advised by a union rep that I could conceivably remain sick for my notice period. This doesn't sit comfortably with me but I do know it's my current role that is making me ill. I'm tying myself in knots trying to decide what to do.

Has anyone any experience of this or do any of you lovely ladies have any views or advice on my situation?

Thanks for listening.

[Hopeful]

Hi skylark
Anxiety is a very common problem in menopause, have you thought of HRT it might help you. Use the search function to look at previous threads.

[Haydo]

Hi Skylark.  I do have some experience of this in that in my 50s I was in a similar position to you, highly stressed and suffering with acute anxiety and, like you was signed off with stress.  I too was pushed to go back too soon, and because of this ended up signed off again for a longer period of time, as I was on the point of a breakdown.   I ended up having to change my job and it was only after I had left my previous position that I realised how much it had contributed to my stress and anxiety.   

I can only say from my own perspective, but I would consider the advice from the union rep.  I understand it doesn’t sit comfortably with you, but having been there I’m sure you’re aware you won’t be thought any more of if you push yourself to go back and make yourself worse.   Having said that I understand your concern about the new job, but as you have a spotless previous health record and have explained your present job is causing you stress maybe you could approach them and explain the situation?   A really difficult situation for you but your health is the most important thing. 

[Lynda07]

Hi Skylark

Some years ago I was in a job that stressed me to the max, I'd always thrived on it before but this was too much. One day enough was enough and I went to see my GP about how I felt (unusual for me and indicative of how bad I felt). She was lovely and said I was in peri menopause and what's more she understood what I was going through on a personal level. She signed me off sick and I took some time out to try and feel better.

Although I didn't start looking for another job, during the time I was off - which ended up being a few months - my husband and I decided to move house - well away from where we were - so I gave my notice in and although it didn't sit comfortably with me either I stayed off sick during my notice - I saw no benefit to going back and I have no regrets about that decision. Not quite the same as your situation I know but I hope my reply helps a little - put yourself first. Good Luck with your new job, I hope it works out.

[Skylark]

Thanks ladies for your thoughtful responses. Hopeful,  I was on HRT which helped with anxiety before but I came off it voluntarily about 18 months ago as I kept having breakthrough bleeding. I'm now waiting for things to settle with the Mirena  and have a follow-up biopsy scheduled for May to check the endometrium has thinned out. Then hopefully I can reintroduce oestrogen.

Lynda07, being off has given me perspective so while I do think my anxiety and low mood are affected by peri I KNOW my current role is making me ill.  I feel if I don't go back it may affect my reference but if I do I may get more poorly  which will affect my prospects in my new job. I wish I had the money to just hand in my notice. It's all so debilitating. I'm glad you found a way through!

Haydo, the problem is our company tends to just give very basic references with dates served and length of absences. I'm hoping the two other professional referees I have will save me. Today I have felt like I'm about to jump out of a plane when I should be celebrating for landing a great new job.

 😞

Thank you all. X

[Haydo]

I have found that mindful meditation helps me calm down when I am particularly stressed and anxious.  I was dismissive of it at first, but just 10 minutes twice a day and it’s surprising the difference it can make.  You could give it a try.  There are plenty on YouTube.  I do hope things work out for you with your job.  Do let us know.

[Ms Peak]

Hi Skylark

Sounds very similar to jow I was in peri, a job that stressed me to the point of breakdown and yes I started Ad's had counselling and time off sick. On top of it all I got divorced and my eldest son took his life.

I did git back albeit it temporarily following 5 months compassionate leave and immediately gave notice to retire- I was 52 back then.
On by 7 years I went to work in a private school and last year left there abd set up my own business.

Happiest ever now. My advice do what you feel is necessary to bring your life calm and happiness

Big hugs

Ms Peaks xxx

[sheila99]

My worst symptoms were anxiety and insomnia. I'm sure the added stress of your job doesn't help but if I had nothing 'proper' to worry about I became anxious over little things that shouldn't have bothered me, it's possible you may find this too. If your anxiety is due to oestrogen deficiency the best advice is to get your levels up as soon as you can.
Did you have a thickened lining or was the bleeding down to the polyp? Were you on a sequi or conti regime? Just wondering if a conti regime in peri has contributed to this. The advice that you can go on a conti regime because you're 54 is really unhelpful to those with a late meno.
ATM it sounds as though your current job is less than ideal but if your anxiety goes once you can restart hrt will you regret leaving?