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[Cake 1]

Hi
I am new to the group and only found the forum via google.
I have been post menopausal for around 6 or 7 years.
The problem is that I have no libido whatsoever!
My husband has been complaining that we haven't made love for over 4 years.
At first I thought it was due to painful sex, and tried various different creams, but they made me sting.

I never used HRT, and am wondering if it would help, or if it's too late to start that; although I do have concerns about HRT as I have COPD and a heart problem, so not sure of the suitability!
I really don't know what to do about this, and it seems that our marriage of 20 years could be on the rocks because of it!

[jaypo]

Hi there and welcome to the forum. I'm post meno too,never been on HRT but last year sex was getting very uncomfortable so I went on vagifem pessaries,very low dose localised oestrogen and also use ph balance pessaries 3 times a week and they both help a lot,it's definitely not too late to start

[Taz2]

Hi Cake 1. Welcome from me too.

I agree with jaypo that a good place to start would be to ask your GP for vagifem. Once you find sex more comfortable your libido may return although this is quite a complicated subject. There are different threads on this under the Private Lives section. Thre is a difference between loss of libido or loss of orgasm ability. Do you have any other menopausal symptoms such as hot flushes, muscle aches etc?

Taz x 

[Cake 1]

Thank you ladies for your replies.
I don't get hot flushes any more; haven't done for a few years.

I just don't feel interested in sex any more, and haven't done for a long time.
I have been thinking I prefer companionship rather than a physical relationship.

I don't know what, or if anything can be done to resolve this!

[jaypo]

Sometimes relationships do turn to companionship,doesn't mean you don't love the person,I love my OH very much but most of the time, I just can't be bothered anymore,which is a definite change for me but when we do, I always enjoy it,well at least I do now that the discomfort has eased

[Cake 1]

Thank you for your replies.
I did once speak to my GP, a few years ago, and was prescribed some kind of pessary; I don't remember what it was, but it didn't help.

My husband has just lost one of his sisters; not covid related; so he's obviously feeling upset about this, but has been shutting me out and not talking; he's just been sitting in the chair scrolling on his phone.
Last Sunday he decided he was going to his other sister's for a few days, which is fine, but once he was there he started messaging me on Facebook about how unsupportive I have been, not making love for 4 years, and that he might as well not be here; I have a feeling his sister had a hand in this as she is very opinionated.

I suggested talking about it properly when he comes home, but he said it wasn't easy for him, and has pretty much ignored my messages since then; the last message was that he would be home Thursday, but he didn't say what time.

We've been together for 25 years and I don't want to throw that all away, so was hoping someone might have a suggestion that might help to improve my sex drive; although, I think my sex drive started to go downhill after having the kids, but it's non-existent now

[jaypo]

So sorry cake 1 ,could I suggest you start a thread about your low sex drive as some ladies will be able to tell you about what hrt you can take,or put it in the search box see what comes up,I'm not on hrt so can't advise.
Your husband obviously feels hurt that you no longer want him near you,maybe wants that closeness again? Do you hug each other,kiss? Do you love him? It's never too late to start hrt,could you speak to your dr and explain the situation ?

[Taz2]

Hi jaypo. Cake has started a thread under Private Lives so that we can post more privately about our experiences 

Taz x

[jaypo]

Thanks Taz