Hi
I am posting this as hopefully it will help others starting the menopause journey who may be suffering and think they are alone, and also because if you'd told me this is what the menopause would be like I wouldn't have believed you! I'm Peri menopausal and cannot believe how much things have changed for me due to my damned 'hormones'
(also any advice on dealing with Anxiety would be gratefully received too
)
I am 47 and just over 2 years ago I started noticing some major differences in my health and general wellbeing.
I found myself sitting in front of my GP and just about managed to say 'I think I'm menopausal' before making an ugly face and start sobbing, she had never seen me like this, and was a bit taken aback by it. When I finally composed myself (several tissues later) I told her my symptoms - hot flushes, insomnia, hair loss (it came out in clumps in the shower!) severe lack of energy and a feeling sadness (hence all the tears!). She was going to prescribe an anti depressant, but I was already on one for migraines, so she said I should try HRT in the hope that would allieviate some of the worse symptoms.
I started on HRT patches and within a few weeks I felt fantastic! My hair was still falling out but not as bad, (I also changed to Loreal Low Shampoo which I found didn't aggravate my suddenly tender scalp - another symptom I had!) My energy came back, the hot flushes suddenly weren't so bad or as often as they had been. And best of all my mood improved! For 6 months I felt better, I still had some symptoms but nothing as bad as pre-HRT.
I continued to use the patches until they became difficult to get, which is when I came off them. I perhaps should have gone back to my GP then to get something else, but I honestly felt great, even without the patches and I began using more diet based and supplement products, soya milk, Estroplus capsules, that sort of thing and I remained pretty stable in all aspects of my health and wellbeing.
Towards the end of 2019 my periods started becoming more infrequent and sometimes a lot heavier, I began keeping a period diary (before this my periods had still been pretty regular) and as well as recording my periods I added some notes about how I was feeling on certain days and symptoms I was having.
This is the list of symptoms I have had over the past few months (most things I never suffered with before)
I should add - I've had regular blood tests done over the year for things like Thyroid function and all have come back normal so far.
Insomnia - I've always been a night owl but now I was finding it almost impossible to sleep, I'd be exhausted but as soon as I went to bed I'd be wide awake.
Itching and Allergies- awful and mainly at night (which didn't help the Insomnia It felt like ants crawling over me) I'd wake up with long, painful scratch marks all over my legs and arms. I also got allergies and rashes with things like Perfumes or strong shower gels.
Breast Tenderness - so painful I couldn't wear a bra at times let alone touch them, and for some reason my left breast was worse, it felt achey all the time and I had sharp shooting pains through it.
Loss of Libido - didn't want sex, didn't feel like sex, it was as though my whole sexual being just turned off overnight.
Itchy down below and had an UTI which required antibiotics (then Thrush caused be the Antibiotics!
)
Heavy, painful periods - I had had these before but rarely, but now it was every period (when I did have one) big clots of blood and I once bled for 3 weeks out of 4.
Migraines - again something I have suffered from before but these were for 3 days after every period and they were horrendous, I was incapacitated by them.
Aching muscles - my legs felt like lead, the muscles ached deep inside, had to take painkillers fairly regularly just to cope.
Pins and needles - my legs would often feel wobbly and weak, like I'd run a marathon when all I did was walk up the stairs! I'd also get tingly hands and feet.
General 'weakness' - along with the aching muscles, things like my elbow would be painful and weak, then my knee, it was as though the feeling was moving around my body.
Dizziness - Feeling 'spaced out' like my head was detached from my body, inability to concentrate sometimes.
Brain Fog - forgetting things
Feeling sick, like my stomach was churning. I ate to stop it, but didn't really feel like eating.
Indigestion - When I did eat I'd get acid come up, even with foods I'd always eaten before with no problems.
Bowel Problems - IBS came back which I hadn't had for years.
Weight gain, especially around my stomach, it looked like I had swallowed a rubber ring despite the fact I wasn't eating as much as I used to.
Fatigue - both mind and body
Neckaches and Migraines after eating - for some reason my evening meal would be followed by severe neck aches and migraines (no idea what this was about!)
Changes in Body Odour - I'd joke I was going through Puberty again, under my arms smelt of sickly sweat (like a rotten Kebab!) no amount of washing and deodorant could stop it.
Skin Changes - again like Puberty! Acne, which I hadn't had for almost 30 years!
Hot Flushes - not as often as before, but when I did get them my glasses would steam up!
Heart Palpitations and pains - mild flutterings in my chest and the feeling I'd 'skipped' a beat as well as sharp stabbing pains which came and went.
Anxiety - nothing too bad just some irritability and agitation, sometimes things which never bothered me would become bigger in my head (if that makes sense?) and I would get short tempered over them, but this usually happened around my period so I put it down to normal Hormonal fluctuations.
(I didn't have all of these all the time, but they were regular enough for me to think they must be menopause related)
BUT... then the Anxiety started..
From someone who has always managed stress quite well (before the Peri started) I began suffering Anxiety, it was mild at first I would find myself worrying about little things, or getting irratable and agitated, but I just put it down to Hormonal changes through the month, but one night just after Lockdown had started my worries about Coronavirus (which were rational ones) seemed to trigger an almost irrational Anxiety in me, to the point where I thought I was going to die (and I am not exagerating that at all). I had a Panic attack which lasted almost 5 hours with the feelings coming on again as soon as I'd calmed down a bit.. It started as an irregular heartbeat and a slight 'fluttering' in my chest, like I'd had before and I worried about it, then the Anxiety and Panic went off like a rocket! I was sweating profusely, I had to have a cold shower as I felt my blood was boiling, my heart was racing, my chest was tight, my heart and left breast were painful, I had a lump in my throat which felt like it was choking me and I couldn't breath properly. I was pacing up and down the garden at 4 in the morning as I couldn't sit still, I could only drink water, but then would rush to the toilet as I needed to wee all the time, my bowels churning meant I had diahorreah, I felt disassociated from everything and all I could do was cry to my daughter (who was the only one awake) that I was dying. I googled my symptoms (yes, I know.. not the best thing to do!) and it came up with the same things, Anxiety and Panic or Heart Attack! In my irrational state I thought it was the latter. Part of me though knew enough to keep telling myself it was a Panic attack and the 'fight or flight' response and even though it was one of the longest nights of my life slowly my symptoms got better, though I still remained anxious.
the next day I phoned my GP who got me into the surgery straight away just to make sure I was okay. I had an ECG (normal) Blood Pressure (normal) and my heart rate was good, there was no sign of the fear and terror I had suffered the night before.
I was prescribed Propranolol to take when I felt the Anxiety again.
Without doubt the Anxiety has been the worst of my Peri journey so far, I fear it has now turned into a Panic disorder as I worry each day about the next Panic attack coming, and I am acutely aware of my heart skipping a beat or fluttering which starts the thoughts and feelings of doom and gloom again.
(Believe it or not, even writing about this I can feel the fear rising again!) When I go to bed at night and feel my heart flutter suddenly (or BANG in my chest) I am wide awake again and fearful. I know in all likelihood that there is (probably) nothing seriously wrong with my heart, but my head doesn't always listen to the rational side of me!
I still need the medication a couple of times a day a least just to stop my heart racing and calm myself down. I never knew Anxiety and Panic disorders were part of the Menopause, or that Peri-menopause is peak time for these conditions to start (or get worse) in women (I don't know how true that is, I am just going on the articles I've read) but it is something that seems to have hit me the hardest, I expected Physical Changes, but never the mental ones which I now have most of the time and are impacting my life now.
As I said at the beginning, part of the reason I wrote this is because I NEVER ever thought any of this would happen to me and that the Menopause would be something that I'd just sail through with the help of HRT, and if hot flushes were the worst of it then how bad could it really be? - I know now how wrong I was in my thinking!!
Finding this Forum and searching all my symptoms I have been so relieved!
I am not the only one who has these weird physical ailments, I am not the only one who has laid in bed at night waiting for the next irregular heartbeat! I am not the only one who thinks they are going mad or losing their mind (and their hair!) and I am not alone in finding Anxiety has taken over a large part of their life! And for all that I am eternally grateful! I felt so alone before this and for the most part, suffered in silence.
I hope to look back at this and update how my journey is going, and dare I say it I am looking forward to menopause if only to get some relief from the Peri side of it and finally be able to say things got better then!
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Topic: I just want to share my Peri story - symptoms and Anxiety (advice welcome too) (Read 21304 times)