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Author Topic: Not feeling it.  (Read 1327 times)

Focus

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Not feeling it.
« on: February 21, 2020, 06:44:10 PM »

I'm feeling low, awkward and very antisocial at the moment.

This weekend I have to find a way of pulling myself out of it for a major work event.

I have no idea how I'm going to do this. I've spent a big part of the afternoon asleep. I just don't want to deal with people at the moment.

I had some work stuff to do today at the event, and I ended up feeling so low, I almost came home in tears.

I was trying my best to be social and chatty, and one guy I know very, very little asked if I was going to an event that one of my pals is hosting next Friday. This is the pal who suggested that i stop finding out out perimenopause, and that 'some women breeze through the menopause.' it's also the pal who said to me 'you'll have been married twice and I won't even have been married once' when I told her my partner has proposed (those were her first words to me after I told her). I've not spoken much to her the past year since all of this.

So this afternoon I told the guy I wasn't sure if I was going, and that I was an introvert so I keep myself to myself a lot of the time. And he replied with 'Just unpopular then?''.

I know it's his style to be a bit cutting. But I couldn't bring myself to speak to anyone else after that, and my mood (which was already low) just went into freefall.

I came home and fell asleep for a couple of hours. And now I need to get up and do stuff. But I just don't feel like I have the energy or the enthusiasm.

And I should go out for a run, but I just feel so low.
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Kathleen

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Re: Not feeling it.
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2020, 06:56:04 PM »

Hello Focus.

I'm so sorry that you are feeling low. The people you mention certainly aren't helping either!

When we are vulnerable we need people to be caring and sympathetic and even supposedly jokey comments can hurt us.

The ladies on this forum will know exactly how you feel and I'm sure they'll be along with words of comfort. I realise that you don't have the energy for a run but would a brisk walk or any other type of exercise be possible as this may raise your mood a little.

I'm sorry that I can't be of practical help but you are not alone in feeling as you do.

Wishing you well and sending hugs.

K.
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Focus

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Re: Not feeling it.
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2020, 07:11:03 PM »

Thank you.

I feel so pathetic. I mean, there's nothing physically stopping me, I don't have a concrete block weighing me down. But it feels like I have. And even the tiniest thing feels like the most overwhelming effort at the moment.
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Sickntired

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Re: Not feeling it.
« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2020, 11:48:40 PM »

The 2 comments from acquaintances are in no way whatsoever helpful.  You dont need it when feeling UGH!  I feel apathetic today and my annoying sister in law posts that hrt was a lifesaver for her, which is a trigger word that makes me visualise punching people in the face!   Along with "menopause is so empowering"...  oh, shut up!  On the bad days youll feel like it will never end , but , it will because youll have oh so crappy overwhelmimg days and tolerable ones.   And youll get to a point of thinking right i cant change but i can adapt.  Accept you feel low,  strategise,   imagine if you were going to do what you have to , but with the flu.   Youd plod through, cut yourself slack,   do the required minimum and ignore idiots plus self preserve, ie , disappear to your home or room, with a hot water bottle,  a small but satisfying amount of chocolate (too much adds to the crappiness by feeling guilty) , maybe a favourite book or a girly movie (whatever your chill out with comfort stuff is,  me its an 80s brat pack, total escapism from life right now)  If possible admit to someone trustworthy and supportive at work that youre struggling,  believe menopause is a recognised problem in uk workplaces for support  etc.  Halving a worry is a start.   Obviously youve sought medical help?  If not, why not?   And every person here knows every bit youre going through. 
Tonight i was so apathetic i came home from work , had toast and handed my husband leftover pizza.   I used to cook every night but tonight is 2 nights in a month...  im on the progesterone 15 days , so this is the slide to  a period where i get 3 days of extreme tiredness, and often deep depression.    Ive had hrt changed 3 times in a month thanks to lack of availability but the one im on now as it happens has taken the edge off the depression,  esp anger,  so its a start.  Other things will straighten out .  Its no easy path for many but theres always room for improvement.....  i wish you the best because that depth of despair you described is somewhere i know well.
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Sickntired

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Re: Not feeling it.
« Reply #4 on: February 21, 2020, 11:55:32 PM »

I would ad  dont give up running no matter how little you do.  Get rid of any obsession with times and distance just train yourself to get trainers on and out the door.   I  run despite the initial apathy and tiredness , its a superficial demon.  Once youve done a couple of miles youll be into it because adrenalin and bloodflow will be hitting your brain and other things. .  I run, its my saviour,  even though maybe i do less, ie i find it harder to run at night but more energy before work.   Its helped me through anxiety rocketing,  rages,  and deep downers.  Any excersize whatsover.
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squeaker99

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Re: Not feeling it.
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2020, 10:53:31 AM »

Do you know what focus, from an outsiders perspective it seems pretty clear what drives those comments from those people at work. The first is basically jealous and probably unhappy and insecure about the face she has never been married. The second guy is scared whitless that he is unpopular and no one likes him so he pushes that though on to you.

I quite working for a big company 14 years ago and still remember with dread those forced social functions with people you don't really like. All the things I should have said but didn't.

You just look forward to the next 24 hours and write a list of maybe three things that make you happy - have a bath, make flapjack, watch a sitcom - even if you just do one of then. Looking back to idiots with their own problems never does any good.
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KaraShannon

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Re: Not feeling it.
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2020, 10:32:39 PM »

Do you know what focus, from an outsiders perspective it seems pretty clear what drives those comments from those people at work. The first is basically jealous and probably unhappy and insecure about the face she has never been married. The second guy is scared whitless that he is unpopular and no one likes him so he pushes that though on to you.

I agree with this Focus, that guy was 'projecting' onto you.  He asked if you were going probably because he was wondering who was going to be there if he went.  He might also think if he stays home then he's the unpopular one, because he's got rigid beliefs about stuff.  It's of course not true.

And as for your friend.  I can so relate.  If only people realised some of the stuff they say, I have a 'friend' like this.  A couple actually.
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Focus

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Re: Not feeling it.
« Reply #7 on: February 23, 2020, 07:16:13 AM »

Ladies, thank you! You have absolutely hit the nail on the head with your answers.

I've never really felt at ease with this guy (I've actually worked with him a couple of times). I find there's always a huge layer of defensiveness round him, and it comes through in his work. So I find his work lacking in connection, stilted and artificial.

And guess what? I've never told him (or anyone else), but I don'l like his work because of that. It's maybe excellent work technically (I don't work in his specific area), but it doesn't feel good.

And the funny things is, I absolutely don't work that way. I work by putting people at their ease and making them feel that they can connect to something in themselves (and connect to the others if it's a team). So if they way to try something new and different, they feel safe to do so. Because also they're trying something that is coming from inside them.

That's where the exciting work is, when you're pushing against something in yourself. And you can see that and feel that in the work, there's tension there and it makes it exciting. But you absolutely have to want to do that, and you need to have the right environment to do that, and be surrounded by the right kind of people.

Unfortunately there's not any chance of me retiring as I work for myself.
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