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[racjen]

OK, have decided today after long session with psychiatrist yesterday that despite extreme reactions to anti-depressants in the past I'm going to give mirtazapine a go. The psychiatrist felt that my emotional state is a result of a complex mixture of factors - breast cancer and the effects of chemo on the brain, coping with two teenagers with mental health needs as a single parent, lack of family support, precarious financial situation, and then the added blow of sudden menopause when I'm clearly very sensitive to hormonal changes. So far nothing we've tried on the HRT front has really helped - I'm going steadily downhill, with the odd good day thrown in here and there. I've got to the point where I can barely go out on my own, and I've stopped doing all the things I used to enjoy. Life feels utterly pointless.

But I know from experience that those initial two weeks, when they tell you things might get worse, get a hell of a lot worse for me. And  I've never made it past about 5 days so I have no idea if they'll actually work. Feeling scared but also like I have no choice, I simply can't carry on like this, otherwise I might as well put an end to it now. I have a feeling I'm going to need a lot of support over the next few weeks...x

[nightmare]

Hi Racjen,

So sorry to hear you are feeling so low.  You have so very much to deal with, is it any wonder you are considering AD's.  I have been on these since June of last year along with conti patches.  I saw a great improvement in my mood and my sleep but since Christmas my depression has returned and I am now on the maximum dose and nothing is shifting my depression, nothing at all.  In fact I have just spent the last 1 crying to my friend in London.  I am not working, have not worked for 3 years now and I am going a bit crazy.  So probably like you it is a mixture of things.  I am seeing a Consultant in London next Tuesday hoping he will prescribe bio identical hormone treatment, as this is meant to be great for lifting depression.  I will keep you posted.  It is so sad to see so many people suffering on this forum, it really is.

Hope you fee better
x

[racjen]

I've got it today so feeling like I'd be better just getting on with it, the sooner I start the sooner I'll know what my reaction is. My main worry is that if it's really tough my girls will have to cope with it - need to alert some close friends to be emergency contacts just in case. Also my gp is being incredibly supportive and has made me an appointment on Fri just to check up on me. On the other hand, my oldest friend doesn't approve of ADs, can't seem to understand how bloody desperate I feel and is being really cold and distant. I had the same from another friend during the cancer treatment, she cut me off completely when I refused to follow her advice to avoid all conventional treatment, haven't heard from her since. People react so weirdly to illness, you have to learn to not take it personally....

[Jeepers]

Hi racjen

You really find out who your friends are don't you? I'm so sorry to hear you have not had good support from your friends. You can always come here to this site, there will always be someone to talk to.

Sending hugs to you, and nightmare

Jeepers x

[Kathleen]

Hello racjen.

I wanted to send you my best wishes and I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. I know of someone who began taking  Mirtazapine recently and it has helped her tremendously so let's hope it works for you.

 Friends  have their own reasons for responding as they do and it may have very little to do with you.  Fortunately you have a community of women here who can support you without judgment.

Wishing you well and of course keep posting.

K.

[groundhog]

Hi Racjen,
Just wanted to say hello and send a virtual hug.
You described how I feel since my op went wrong and left me with so many problems.  It's very hard to stay positive and I feel quite joyless at times.
I'm on Prozac but not sure if they actually do anything, although when I stop taking them I do feel worse. I am married almost 38 years and that's a strain too but we are working through it.  My daughter is grown up but I have grandchildren now and worry about them.
I really hope the AD works for you and the I ititial two weeks aren't too awful.  Somedays I feel like the black cloud lifts and it does give a different perspective to everything but other days the black cloud swamps me and I feel awful, like what's the point.
Keep posting ok xx

[Gusgus]

Hi Racjen
I felt I would like to reply to your thread.
I am entering my 2nd week of starting mirtazapine.
Two years ago I stopped this drug after being on it for 5 years. I felt I was in a good place after financial difficulties and all the reasons I went on it for in the first place I felt I had dealt with. I had cbt therapy too. But after stopping I realised it had also suppressed the symptoms of the menopause.
So for the past two years of not being on it I have suffered.
No or very little sleep. Anxiety hot flushes. Found it hard to hold down my job, care for my disabled mother, also deal with my mother in law who has advanced Alzheimer's. My  relationship with my husband suffered, my blood pressure rocketed and in desperation I went to see my Gp...he must have thought I was stalking him , I was there so much!
So I am now taking a low dose of mirtazipine and continuous hrt. I have only really suffered nausea . This could be the tail end of a bug I had last week also,  or my body getting used to new drugs. I am on a higher dose for my blood pressure or the new hrt.
I have slept so much better and my anxiety is easing.
I too tried antidepressants and gave up as I couldn't stand the side effects and they made me worse, but can honestly say I never experienced that with this drug.
As for friends and their opinions I remember what my councillor said
“ is it an opinion or is it a fact”
I chose to walk away from a friend , when her opinions got to me and I didn't agree, this time only my husband and me and my Gp know I'm taking it. No one else needs to know. Not even my children.
I got to the point I wanted my life back . I made the decision and it's no one else's business.
Just wanted to say hope this may work for you and each day may get better for you. But I realise all drugs work different on people. I wish you well .

[Tc]

Are you ladies taking it at night?
Well you e made me think racjen. That box of escitalopram which I shoved in the drawer a week ago. Maybe I should take the plunge with you  the first two weeks are the only thing which is stopping me
It's good that it's been acknowledged you've been through a lot and meno on top of that  I  dont know if you remember but I told you I had a very very similar conversation with my psych last week and I said something's gotta give. Dont think hed be too happy that the tablets he prescribed are still  untouched.
I really wish you all the best and hope it proves to be ten times better than this time x

[Gusgus]

Yes I take at night before I get into bed.

[Tc]

I thought so gus. My doc prescribed it at night years ago.
Glad to hear they are helping you gus

[Karen max]

hi Racjan
I really hope mirtazapine helps you as this is horrible what you are suffering
I was given mirtazapine for 18 months am now of mirtz 19 months
If you want to private mail me with any questions about it feel free abd il help you as much as I can

Kaz xx

[Milamam]

Hello Racjen,
After trialling HRT when my perimeno symptoms started, and gave up, I was prescribed mirtazipine this summer. I started on 15mg at night and it trully worked wonders for me. My worst symptoms were insomnia and anxiety, and mirt helped me sleep well and be much more relaxed. I am still on 15mg/night and have no intention to stop for now. I had no side effects whatsoever, so don't worry. Unlike SSRIs, mirt works much faster, so you might not need to wait weeks to see the effect.

I also believe it helps with menopausal symptoms, as I rarely have hot flushes and sweats now.

The downside is that I gained some weight but I keep telling myself this is a minor price to pay for getting me out of a very dark place.

So go for it, I am sure you will feel better immediately.

Big hugs,
Milamam

[walkingthedog]

Hi racjen

I was on mitrazapine a few years ago for about a year

It helped me in that it made me sleep and that in itself was a life saver

I had no start up issues except a rash which went quickly

Good luck
Xx

[Milamam]

Hi Racjen,
Tell us how you are? I have been thinking about you yesterday. I hope you feel better.
Xxx Milamam

[racjen]

Well, this is only day 2. Yesterday I felt pretty tired and drowsy all day, found it difficult to do anything much, but my anxiety was certainly a bit less. Apart from that I just felt a bit numb and emotionless really, but in a way that's a relief in itself. Was hoping it would knock me out completely at night but that hasn't happened so far, still waking multiple times in the night, but at least managing to get  back to sleep. Feeling pretty zombieish this morning - we'll see.