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Author Topic: Newbie saying hello!  (Read 9148 times)

CLKD

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #30 on: December 06, 2018, 05:24:51 PM »

One shouldn't stop medication suddenly particularly when it's helping.  If you won't accept an emergency appt. so that you are in control  :-\ then 19th is what you have been offered, or ring the Surgery to speak with a Nurse Practitioner?  Lack of food will cause your emotions to sway [at least it does mine so that I can't think straight  :'(].  Get some grub into you Girl, I know it is difficult but trust me, the body needs it.  Also, if my mind remembers properly, one can't have pizza without cheese .........  ;) .  If you have children with you, try to act normally because it isn't a good role model to avoid food.  Better to have nowt and tell them you have already eaten.  [long story short].

I remember that feeling of my bottom 'dropping out' and the clots  :'( and the PAIN.   The nausea B4 a bleed.  The tears.  HORMONES  >:(
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Milamam

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #31 on: December 06, 2018, 05:33:47 PM »

Hi, Focus!

Are you anorexic and/or  have you been anorexic before? Little to no food and extreme need to exercise? And starving -   the need to control your body??!?? NO!

Excess bleeding in perimenopause can be controlled by many medical methods  but these do not include  STARVING YOUR BODY SO THAT IT STOPS MENSTRUATING!!! Which is what you imply in your posts. Please, don't starve yourself! There has been good advice provided in the comments to your posts. 


And please, listen to the advice given and seek emergency help!

Milamam
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Focus

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #32 on: December 06, 2018, 05:54:39 PM »

Thank you for your kind and supportive replies. I really appreciate it.

I am just about to head out to work for the evening. Eating disorder in my teens/early-mid 20s yes.

My plan now is to write a letter to my GP before anything else. I don't think she believes that I am going through the perimenopause thing. I will explain that it is what the doctor at the walk in clinic when I was referred said to me.

Then explain my symptoms.

And then talk about the PTSD triggering part and suggest ways of approaching it (by both of us) so that she doesn't inadvertently do something or say something that triggers me.

How does that sound?
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CLKD

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #33 on: December 06, 2018, 06:00:39 PM »

A good start.  I was anorexic from the age of 3 and diagnosed at 5.  Doctor told Mum that I would 'grow out of it'  >:( and until the late 1990s I was still trying to 'grow out of it'.  Medication to stop the nausea caused by not eating 'properly' eased me into a better eating pattern.  DH has been a rock and encouraged me.  I still have safe foods when vulnerable, particularly at this time of year.

Is this GP familiar with your past eating disorder problems?   She is probably unaware of what can trigger any one of us when we want support, advice and a medication that helps.  This is lack of empathy which is common.  A short note - don't ramble  ;).  Keep with the medication until you get to the appt..

There is support out there for mental health but it's hard to access sometimes.  I found the worse I felt the less likely I was to have the energy to get out bed!

Little steps.  I find bananas helpful as they are slow release and I have eaten something  ;).  DH will often say 'well you've eaten A, B, C so don't worry until tomorrow'.  Lunch is my hardest meal to face, I may have said already  :-\

 :hug:  I think that if your hormones are playing up, heading towards menopause, that restrictive eating won't make any difference.  It certainly did with me.  Hormones took over.  Bugga  ::)
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Focus

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #34 on: December 06, 2018, 11:03:17 PM »

Actually, I had a thought...I've just been chatting with my fiancé about it all. He's suggested that the doctor just doesn't have a very good beside manner.

But I was talking about the resistance I was feeling from her, promoted by my overemotional panicky state of being.

So it got me thinking about resistance in life in general. And how a lot of our unhappiness comes from some sort of resistance. And that's because we're expecting something else.

So what if I just gave up the resistance I was feeing to this stuff? Gave up the feeling of being betrayed by my body and the feeling of being angry at myself because of that?

And just let whatever was being in that moment just be? There would be no value judgement on what was going on in my body. It would just be what was going on in my body in that moment. It would be neither positive  nor negative.
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Focus

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #35 on: December 07, 2018, 07:55:53 AM »

So, I've noticed a slight diminishing in the heaviness of my period these last two days (and nights).

I would describe it as just 'heavy' now. There are almost no clots now, and when there are they are really, really small. All in all, it's much more manageable.

Except this morning I have woken uo with the headache from hell. I never, ever get headaches. I've maybe only ever had a couple in my entire life. One was when I was incredibly stressed and was probably a migraine. It's didn't feel like just a headache.

This one is awful, right across the front of my forehead and round as far as the temples on each side. I have a feeling this is hormone related.
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jaypo

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #36 on: December 07, 2018, 09:04:39 AM »

No much wonder you've a headache,you're body sounds exhausted.
Unfortunately as we age our body DOES let us down,I hate the way mine looks now,well I always did if truth be known.
People would always say to me,what a pretty girl you are,never had a problem getting boyfriends etc but I just couldn't see what they saw,always spotted flaws. I still don't leave the house without makeup,it's a nightmare. I was 48 when I met my now husband and would you believe,he is the first man to see me fully naked?even now it's still uncomfortable.
Just recently I've slowly started to accept that it is what it is,there's nothing any of us can do about it,I've stopped working out 5 days a week and torturing my body,I'm not fat & probably never will be,who cares if I've a little pot belly,my husband loves me and I'm sure you're fiancé loves you more than anything in the world.
Don't keep fighting with your body,I'm sure you're a wonderful human being,we all need to try to love who we are,warts and all.
Chin up girl,we're all here for you x
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Focus

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #37 on: December 07, 2018, 10:48:39 AM »

Thank you.

I managed to fall asleep again for a few hours and feel a bit better now, although I've pretty much still got a blinding headache. I actually dreamt about making love with my fiancé : o)

That's been part of everything that's been stressing me out. I really love being able to be so close to him (in every way), and not knowing when I could was making me feel so depressed. We don't live together, he live a two and a half hour drive away so we only see each other at weekends. Our time together is really precious, and we like to fill it with tons of different things we both want to do, and maybe one of us has never tried. Rock climbing anyone? I never, ever imaged I would be doing that. But I loved it and would totally do it again.

Anyway, I found a couple of websites that sold me some Norethisterone, so I bought that. Whatever happens, I'll be able to do my couple of days business events in January and February without having to worry. And we can maybe also plan to go on a mountain hike at some point in the new year.

Even if I end up not having the use them (either because I have no period, or because it's light or very light) I feel much, much calmer knowing I have them there as a safety net. And it's not been dependent on going to see the doctor either and whatever she says.

It's taken me a long time to get to this point in my life, where I really like my life, who I am and what I look like. I was with/marrried to an alcoholic for 18 years. I ended up with such little self esteem I'm unrecognisable now from where I started from (which was jus a handful of years ago). And when I say unrecognisable I mean literally too. I've had to tell people I've known in my past life who I am because they've not recognised me.

If you've know any sort of addict you know that the most important thing in their life is the thing they're addicted to. I was second best to the alcohol.

He had affairs too. I had no idea what was going on. I mean, why would the person that you were married to cheat? You wouldn't cheat on them, so why would you think they might do it to you? Anyway, some of those girls were less than half my age, and one gave him an STI. Then he had what I think was an on/off affair with someone 16 years younger than me, for...maybe 3 years? He left abruptly, had about 2 weeks to himself (I think) and got together with her. 9 months later she was pregnant.

So, back to me : o) You can imagine what that did to my sense of self and safety. But I totally pulled myself up by the bootstraps, dropped everything to do with helping him out (I had been helping him run his phenomenally successful working life because he hated having to do anything practical where he wasn't having a good time), and used that energy for myself.

Most important thing for me was to become financially stable and secure (I had been homeless for a year as a child when I was 10 years old). So after a year of very slowly getting myself back on my feet I decided that my big goal was that I going to pay off my mortgage as soon as I was divorced. I didn't do anything to initiate the divorce, or sort it out. It wasn't what I had wanted and I wasn't going to spend my time and energy cleaning up his mess for him - again. My time and energy was going to be for myself and for me to build my own future with. I worked so hard over the next two years that I was in a position to do so. A week after my divorce papers finally came through (which I believe his mum did all the work sorting out) I walked into the bank to pay off my mortgage.

I had lost so much weight so quickly after he had left through the total trauma of it all (2 stone in 2 months) that I started dressing totally differently. Hello TopShop, ripped jeans and body con dresses!

I also started doing physical things (dance classes, barre, yoga, and eventually running) to try and improve my mental health and make me feel more steady and grounded in myself. It had the unexpected side effect/benefit of helping tone me up as well.

I started going out again, and my best friend insisted I go out on a few dates. That was a laugh! I was shocked at how wrecked and tired a lot of men - most men I met - my own age looked and acted. I knew I wasn't like that. I've always looked really young and youthful - most people thing I'm about 35 when they meet me. It also helps that I'm short, very small (especially now), and very soft spoken. I also work with people that are much younger than me which probably helps.

Anyway, I knew that I didn't belong want to be with anyone (talking about being with a man here) in that 'middle aged and knackered' category. If I was going to be close to anyone, they had to have a vibrant, youthful outlook and be making healthy choices for themselves: moderate alcohol, no smoking, eating well, good boundaries...As I was imaging my ideal partner I threw in a couple of cheeky requests and made myself laugh a bit with it (manly physique, but a cheeky boyish face).

A while after I met my now fiancé, and he is *exactly* who I had wanted to meet. We just hit it off instantly and have been having the most amazing time discovering things and sharing things together. And it's been almost two years now.

So, I'm sure you can understand my frustration at now having this thrown at me, when I'd worked so hard to get to this point in my life, and I didn't even know this sort of thing existed in the world in the first place. In my naivety I though that your periods would just sort of fade away into nothing at some point, and you'd have a few hot flushes, and then you'd be menopausal. I know, laugh at me because I'm totally laughing at myself at this point.

But then, I had no idea how it felt to have been married to an alcoholic and to have been on the receiving end of multiple infidelities until well after my ex husband left and I had a lot of time to think things over and reassess things, and make *my version* of events, that didn't take into account any of his denials, minimising, gas lighting etc.

So, there we have it. I feel very, very tired, like I've been through some sort of battle. But I've been talking about it with my fiancé since things got especially bad mid October, and letting him know everything. I don't think I'd ever had this in life, but we feel like companions and I don't feel scared or ashamed sharing things about myself with him, even things that really make my toes curl.





 
« Last Edit: December 07, 2018, 11:14:04 AM by Focus »
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jaypo

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #38 on: December 07, 2018, 02:00:24 PM »

All I can say Focus is wow, what an amazing woman you are.  You must be so proud of yourself and rightly so after all you've been through.  You'll get through this too, I'm sure of it.

By the way, that's exactly what I thought menopause was, periods stopped, a few flushes and that was it.  How wrong could I be!!!

X
Here here sparkle,it's absolutely horrendous what so many women go through & nobody warns you,it's just BOOM & you're left wondering what the hell is going on here?am I going mad?if only it was a few hot flushes,that I can deal with 🥵
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Focus

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #39 on: December 07, 2018, 02:13:27 PM »

Thank you so much!

Ha...we can laugh at ourselves, for sure.

Clearly, in my super obsessive, need to control it state, I've not been able to let it go yet...

I found out about a sexual health clinic in the city where I live and have made an appointment at the end of January (the first one they had free) to talk about the pill I'm on. The lady I spoke to said they also had a menopause clinic. I couldn't believe how kind and helpful she was. She also said that the nurses would be super empathetic to my situation and take everything into account.

I also told her I would run out of my pill before the end of January and that was stressing me out as well. She said I can go into Boots and get the same prescription as an emergency cover to tide me over. until my appointment.

So we'll see how it all unfolds and how this pill works for me in the meantime. Which is what I wanted all along.

Even just knowing I have options now is making me feel much, much better. I was feeling so cornered and claustrophobic it was totally triggering my flight or flight PTSD thing. And obviously I was fighting like a flipping maniac, like my life depended on it.

My fiancé called as well. They always finish early on a Friday as their job is so physically demanding. He said he could tell straight away I was feeling much better. So we had a laugh on the phone for a bit.

I've been able to have a tin of lentil soup. So I've had two lentil soups to eat in the past two days. The day before that I had a bit of salmon and avocado mashed together. That's been it for the past three days on the food front.

And, such good news...my period is lessening more and more. I know I can go to work this evening and not worry about it. I can just enjoy my work - as I usually do.

If it carries on lessening, I can definitely go back to the gym on Monday and next week. I know I'm probably far too weak to do a run, but I could do a very, very gentle cycle for 15/20 minutes, and maybe some light arm weights. Just be there for a half hour, taking things super slowly.

Which means I will feel more like my old self again. And maybe able to eat a plate of healthy food.

A lot of maybes. A lot of thinking. A lot of over thinking. It's all brought out the very worst aspects of my personality,

« Last Edit: December 07, 2018, 02:16:01 PM by Focus »
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jaypo

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #40 on: December 07, 2018, 02:20:47 PM »

So glad you're feeling a bit better focus.
We women are strong,you'll get there,keep fighting 😊❤️
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CLKD

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #41 on: December 07, 2018, 02:54:45 PM »

4 me it is about being in control and the moment anxiety floors me, I am suicidal.  Which is where my emergency as necessary medication helps.  I know that it works 20-45 mins. and that it helps so I don't have to take any extra. 

I like to know when we are leaving and returning home.  I like to know when food will be on the table  ::).  In the 1990s I was housebound and thought I would never go out and about  :'( but with medication I gradually picked up my Life.  Now I am usually [apart from this time of year], OK about shopping, walking, antique fairs ........ anywhere that I know I can leave if necessary.  So theatre is a no-no.

Your bleeds may well be intermittent: heavy/light: you may miss weeks/months  ::) - mine waxed and waned.  Some times I thought 'this is it' but then it would appear  >:(  ::).  Forewarned is forearmed.

Pain can be eased by appropriate medication as can heavy bleeding. 

Keep posting! 
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crazycatlady

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #42 on: December 09, 2018, 12:41:10 PM »

Actually, I had a thought...I've just been chatting with my fiancé about it all. He's suggested that the doctor just doesn't have a very good beside manner.

But I was talking about the resistance I was feeling from her, promoted by my overemotional panicky state of being.

So it got me thinking about resistance in life in general. And how a lot of our unhappiness comes from some sort of resistance. And that's because we're expecting something else.

So what if I just gave up the resistance I was feeing to this stuff? Gave up the feeling of being betrayed by my body and the feeling of being angry at myself because of that?

And just let whatever was being in that moment just be? There would be no value judgement on what was going on in my body. It would just be what was going on in my body in that moment. It would be neither positive  nor negative.
This sounds like a great plan. It's what "mindfulness" is about. Being in the moment, not fretting about what has or will be. Your fiance sounds wonderful. Great that you are able to talk this through with him.

By the way, I was peri menopausal aged 46-47. I found it very confusing as I had no one to talk to. This forum is wonderful. And so it seems is your fiance. Know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And that you have an appointment coming up. And that you have taken control: you have got medication and made a follow-up appointment, you have discussed it with your fiance and with this forum, and you say that you recognise the need to ensure you're eating well enough to keep up your long-term health - minerals & carbs & protein for good energy levels, strong teeth & bones, liver function etc etc. (As another forum member has proved, there's no guarantee that starvation results in zero bleeding - although I grant you that it *might* - but starvation will have other, unintended aspects of your health - that could have longer term consequences.)

Peri menopause can be awful and each day a trial, but in the grand scheme of your whole life, and your future with your fiance, this difficult period will pass. Ride the wave, and it will pass more easily than if you fight against it. Good luck.
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Focus

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #43 on: December 10, 2018, 12:33:11 PM »

Thank you lovely ladies!

Well, some level of normality has returned, although a slightly altered one at the moment.

The huge stress of it all, compounded by my GP, must have triggered my PTSD. And then also, on top of that, I went back to my ED (that predated by PTSD) as well. Double whammy, if you like. Too much stress, and I started getting ill.

I'm one of those people who are never, ever ill. I've worked so hard on my mental health and my physical health, especially over the past three years since my (alcoholic) now ex husband left. The comment I've had most often over these past three years has been 'you look 20 years younger'.

My fiance's niece and nephew came to stay with me/us for Friday and Saturday. They are the loveliest children ever, so incredibly well behaved, but my goodness, I felt utterly exhausted. I have a temporary contract for some work over December, and it's unbelievably busy and noisy. I knew it would be, I've had the same contract for December for 4 years, and I love it, but I really need the time and space and peace and quiet to myself, to be able to deal with work.

My fiancé was wonderful. I hardly slept Saturday evening (insomnia and illness). I woke up at 1.30am, was awake almost all night, and finally drifted off about 6.00am. I heard one of the kids come through - it must have been shortly after I had drifted off - and whisper my name in my ear to try and get me to wake up. I was too exhausted, I couldn't move, couldn't even open my eyes. Next thing, it was about 3 hours later, and I woke up to find all the doors between my bedroom and the living room closed, and the sound of a Laurel and Hardy film on from the living room and some chatting. He'd made sure they had something to do and made them both breakfast. By the way, children eat so much! I couldn't believe it: first breakfast, second breakfast, pizzas, huge puddings, tons of bread and butter...and they're skinny kids too.

He then took them for a walk for half an hour so I could have a bath in peace and quiet and get ready for work (Friday, Saturday and Sunday are the busiest days for this work I'm doing at the moment).

He is such an amazing man, so incredibly supportive, I could cry with the relief of it all. After 18 years of being with someone who always put himself and his need to consume alcohol first, and then everything else after that (including his wife) I can't believe someone like this man exists. We had the loveliest chat on Saturday night when I got home from work. Just half an hour when we were both in bed. He told me not to worry, and that it was all totally natural. Nothing was putting him off. Even just thinking about it is making me want to cry.

It's been 10 days that I've been taking the Loestrin 20. I'd say I feel 95% better.

I still get some sort of bleeding at night, but nothing much at all really. And no bleeding during the day any more now. I guess this will even itself out as I'm taking the Loestrin for longer, or develop into some sort of pattern somehow. Mood swings much more evened out.

I'm still not sleeping well (insomnia) and waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat. But I can take both those things. I had insomnia for 7 years as part of my PTSD (only ever slept 4 hours a night, and occasionally down to 2 or 3 hours if things were super bad). It's one of the reasons I go to the gym and do loads of exercise, it helps me sleep much, much better. Anyway, nobody ever guessed I was operating on such little sleep for all those years. Actually, thinking about it, my insomnia was probably exacerbated by XH's drinking.

Anyway, Monday is our day off. I've had a lie in and am catching up on admin now.

I feel...I dunno...outraged? that I knew more about the process of growing up and getting my periods than about any of this. I thought that the menopause happened when you were in your late 50s or 60s. Why doesn't anyone tell you any of this? Why don't you learn it at school, when you learn about reproduction? I mean, it happens to all women, which is about half the population. So it's a significant number of people. Yet we don't know about it?

It's probably not good for me to get angry about stuff at the moment. Yet more adrenaline and cortisol. I'm probably still souped up on it all from the last few weeks/months.

Thinking back, I started getting *big* clots maybe early summer, or slightly before. First episode of flooding (supposedly when my period was pretty much totally finished) some time over the summer. Periods were still very, very regular, even though getting heavier. More flooding maybe end October?  Then all hell broke loose from 12 November and every single day has been pretty much a living nightmare since then. So, all in all, it's maybe been going on 6 months at this point? Maybe slightly longer.

I'm tired and bored of thinking about it. I'm exhausted from thinking about it.
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crazycatlady

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Re: Newbie saying hello!
« Reply #44 on: December 10, 2018, 05:04:18 PM »

Great news that you're 95% better than 10 days ago.

It's not just menopause I didn't know about - I was pretty much in the dark about childbirth and baby rearing before they happened, too, even though they are also pretty common life events! At that time, National Childbirth Trust local group and breastfeeding clinic and online forums for parents were fabulous and got me up to speed/gave lots of support when I needed it - but I only found out about things when I was right in the storm of dealing with all the new stuff. Then when I started caring for a relative with cancer, I was clueless all over again - I had never been taught or had any experience in doing that, either, so went looking for information and support and learnt "on the job" best I could.

Tbh I'm not sure that going into much detail in school about any of this stuff would have helped as I'm sure I'd have forgotten about it by the time I needed the information. And treatments and support groups etc change all the time, too. And I suppose we only really sit up and take notice when things affect us personally?  So it's at THAT point we need all the information. Which is why this forum is such a godsend.

I suppose it's a pity that lots of GPs don't quite know how to help when we first approach them. They do have to know something about EVERYTHING under the sun, fair dos - they are "general" not "specialist" practitioners. But it would help if they could signpost us to other GPs or specialist clinics who know more about the menopause if their knowledge isn't as good as it could be.  If they don't automatically do that, then, as someone's already suggested earlier on this thread, you could ask your GP practice to give you an appointment with a GP that DOES know more about menopause than the GP you saw recently? It is what I shall do if I feel I need a new appointment (the symptoms I was struggling with have more or less stopped over the last week, but if they flare up again, this is what I'll do).

Best wishes in continuing your progress. Don't stress about the things you can't change (what school taught you or didn't teach you, or your last experience with your GP). What's past is past. Let it stay there. Focus on what you can do to improve today and map out your next steps in advance (you could plan for more than one scenario, e.g. if your health stays the same until next appointment, or better, or worse), so you can feel prepared & more in control when the scenario happens. For example, if you fear the same GP will not listen next time, you could find out NOW whether there's a more specialist GP at the practice or a specialist clinic in the locality, so if you're not satisfied after your next GP appointment, you will be more in control of the situation, with a plan of action ready to go.
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