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[racjen]

Well,I finally had my appointment today - it's only taken a year of battling with GPs to get there, and tehn a journey of 2.5 hours each way as Devon and Cornwall have no NHS provision whatsoever. Had to get a friend to drive me and cope with the anxiety,tears,  panic etc. as I'm in such a bad state now i can barely leave the house.

I saw the consultant, Tim Hillard, and he seemed pretty good - he listened and took me seriously. His suggested plan is that I give up on progesterone altogether, given that that was what seems to have kickstarted my whole anxiety problem and may still be fuelling it. He said not to worry about the womb lining issue for the moment, give it 3 months without progesterone and gradually increase the dose of estrogen and see if I improve. If I do then it's hysterectomy time, if I don't then I'm not sure what else is out there.

So I've come away feeling  like, OK there's a plan in place, which is more than my GP has ever been able to offer, but in the short term I'm still having to deal with relentless and acute morning anxiety and insomnia, which are making me more and more depressed and sometimes suicidal. And mental health services don't want to know. I'm also a bit dubious about the whole testosterone thing as Mr. Hillard seemed very dismissive of it, and yet I know that for some women on here it's made all the difference. Feeling totally knackered....

[NorthArm]

Hi Racjen

I'm so glad he took you seriously xx, are you feeling a little more hopeful?

And I'm glad he's not overly concerned with the prog side of things, how long is it since you've taken any? And which type was it?

Giving you three months without is good, because it means that any prog you still might have floating about will surely be gone by then. How much oestrogen are you on at the moment?

I have everything crossed that you start feeling better soon. Hugs to you xx

[racjen]

Thanks NorthArm, I really have no idea whether to feel hopeful or despairing, as I'm still having to deal with the really extreme symptoms every day, and the idea of months of waiting to see whether this will make any difference is quite hard to bear, especially with Christmas right in the middle of everything - nothing worse than feeling really awful when everyone around you is getting jolly and festive. Suddenly within the last couple of days it seems to be everywhere - I'm dreading it....

Anyway, progesterone - bit complicated that, I had the Mirena put in and taken out again about 7 weeks ago, and had only just done 7 days of Utrogestan a week or so before that. I did intend to leave it until after the appointment to take any more, but I panicked because I had some spotting and thought they'd tell me off at the clinic, so took Utrogestan for 2 days earlier this week, but I guess that won't have made much difference. Before all of that I had been trying to do 10 days a month on Utrogestan 100mg, but usually only made it to 8 days because I just couldn't stand any more. I'm on Evorel 100 patches at the moment, and my estradiol level was 991 pmol a couple of weeks ago, but he's talking about increasing as high as Evorel 200 so we're talking about potentially extremely high levels, but maybe that is what I need. I bloody hope so xxx

[AgathaC]

Hi Racjen - I must have missed this last week. You came to mind just now and I searched you and found this. I'm so pleased you have a plan. How are you feeling one week on?

[racjen]

To be honest, absolutely terrible. Nothing has changed in the sense that I wasn't taking progesterone continuously anyway and had only just got through the last few days of it. So far increased estrogen hasn't done a lot - not really surprised as I'm already on Evorel 100, how high does it need to be for god's sake? I do feel dubious about his lack of interest in testosterone, but since it made me depressed anyway there seems little point arguing about that one.

I feel like everyone is telling me that the problem is all psychological anyway. Today the depression and despair got so bad I went out to buy lots of paracetemol, with the intention of driving to somewhere I wouldn't be found till too late. But panic about leaving my kids set in and I ended up going to the GPs surgery and telling them, and they kept me safe until the worst had passed. But I'm now back at home feeling despairing, waiting endlessly for the psychological therapy they keep saying I'll get, but thinking 'well if it's hormonal that's not going to help anyway'. But maybe it isn't hormonal - maybe the anxiety is entirely based on having had to go through breast cancer treatment alone and suppressing the possibility that it might come back. My ex-husband thinks I have major PTSD and need more EMDR (have already had some via Crisis Team, made no difference whatsoever).  But none of these people seem to know anything about menopausal anxiety, they don't even know it exists. I talked to a nurse at the Breast Care
Unit where I had my check up yesterday, and she looked completely blank when I described it - and this is someone who's dealing with women in sudden menopause due to chemotherapy all the time. What's going on, I don't understand - am I going mad?

[Kathleen]

Hello racjen.

My heart goes out to you! I've felt desperate myself at times so you are not alone.

If only some of the  professionals spent five minutes looking at forums like this one they'd see countless examples of women suffering from menopausal anxiety.

 I'm always amazed at how similar our stories are given that we are all very different people. We encompass a wide range of ages ( some ladies here are twenty years younger than me ) and come from a variety of backgrounds and different  walks of life but we  share one thing in common, the death of our ovaries meaning we all have the same problems!

I wish I could offer practical help racjen but I saw on the news today that some women are receiving a  PTSD diagnoses after experiencing a traumatic time giving birth. Their condition isn't entirely due to hormones but it may be a factor and they are receiving treatment I think.

You are not going mad you are just experiencing a horrible time and we all support and understand you.

Take care and sending hugs.

K.

[CLKD]

Maybe the progesterone is fuelling the anxiety so it needs to leave your system.  Don't 2nd guess why he doesn't want to discuss testosterone.  Go with his suggestions.  Stop putting 'problems' in the way.  The body doesn't get where it is suddenly so it takes a while to level out.

What did your Surgery suggest earlier?

[AgathaC]

Racjen - if you are going mad, then so am I!
Kathleen - you've summed it up perfectly. I can't add anything to your wise words.
We've just got to all get through this, by hook or by crook.

[racjen]

CLKD, part of the problem is that with a chemo or surgical menopause the body DOES get where it is suddenly, and it struggles to cope, so it's not the same process as adjusting to a natural menopause.

If you mean what did my GPs surgery suggest, the answer is bugger all as usual - I'm on the endless waiting list for Community Mental Health Support and I can phone the Crisis Team if i'm desperate. That's it.

[LJB12]

I'm afraid I don't have any specific advice, but I'm a surgical menopause case who has been struggling severely recently so I wanted you to know you are not alone, you are not going mad, this is all very real and to let you know that there are people out there/here who get it.
You will get through this, and it is the most debilitating and horrible thing, but you will get through it xxx