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[Tc]

I just felt the need to say thank you to all who have replied on here to me since becoming a member a few weeks ago.
I had BSO surgery 12 weeks ago. Uterus intact. And it's fair to say I have struggled.
Looking back over the last few weeks I now realise that looking online for answers I xmcame accross a one word foundation which I now realise made my fragile state of mind 10 times worse. I understand this might not be everyone's experience of that particular site but for me it fed into my fears. My surgery was viewed as castration and that word had never entered my head. It made me feel my surgery was unnecessary which stopped me from progressing as I spent every waking minute in regret. It also fed the feelings my hormonal crash was giving me that my life was over and the future was bleak.
For some of us these procedures are necessary and life saving and being told you have been "butchered" only adds to the misery of hormone storm that is surgical meno.
I believe in freedom of speech but I would just like to say to anyone who has been frightened or depressed by what they have read on that particular site that there are other sites such as this which offer a more balanced view in my opinion and more practical advice and sharing.there are even some positives and ass I move through my journey I am very grateful for that.
We are not all the same. We do not all have the same opinions but we are all women and no surgery can change that.
I am settling down a bit on hrt now and I can feel a little bit of the old me coming back. Hence this post I guess. Sometimes cutting out negativity realy does help especially if you feel vulnerable cos you are more susceptible to latching onto things that are suggested to you and ruminating over perceived mistakes.
To all the lovely ladies on here
And to any new ladies and please try not to let fear take over as I did a few weeks ago i know it's not easy but there is support and don't be afraid to speak up. I've said things on here I've never said to anyone and that is invaluable.

[Kathleen]

Hello Tc.

The information we get on the internet can be life enhancing or very damaging. As you say, when we are feeling vulnerable we are easy pray for any negativity. Thankfully for every site that is damaging there is one like this one that is helpful and supportive.

I used to go on a health site for digestive illnesses and I had to stop using it as so many people were cruel and  nasty. We have to protect ourselves at times.

Take care ladies.

L.

[Sally S]

That's a kind and thoughtful post, TC!  Thank you to you too. Glad you're feeling better and found strategies to get yourself out of the ruminating cycle. X

Kathleen, years ago,  I too, used to visit a site to help if you were feeling anxious over a health issue.  I felt amazingly better when I deleted it! X

[CLKD]

Well done on working out what you require.  Remember too, that in some instances, people 'troll' sites with negativity. Without backing for what they are telling others.  Not everyone is who they seem ;-).

[Dancinggirl]

TC - thank you for a very insightful post.  I am delighted you are feeling better and moving forward in such a positive way.

There are many ladies who come to this forum with little understanding of the menopause and it's, sometimes, devastating impact - nobody prepares are for this and it can be very frightening. What DR Currie has created with this site is something that has helped me enormously and I feel it is a great force for good. This site gives us good, no nonsense, information that helps us fight for what we need and crucially we can share our experiences and support each other through, what is often, a very tough time. DG x

[AgathaC]

I agree, Dancing Girl.
I was not prepared for the perimenopause AT ALL. It has had a very negative effect on most areas of my life and at 46 I'm not the person I was at 42.
Having said all of that, you are right, Tc, about negativity! It's very hard when you are in the grip (for example) of health anxiety not to feel down and negative BUT it does help to get outside and smell the fresh air and take a brisk walk and be thankful that we are here.
I'd like to echo those words of thanks to all the ladies on here who have helped me no end.

[Tc]

The struggle and issues are real. I was not prepared at all for how my mental health would be affected. I have suffered anxiety and depression on and off throughout my life but this was definitely the worst it's ever been. I've had a couple of better days.this week which has given me a bit of hope which I am clinging onto for dear life!!
My wife passed away 3 years ago and for the past year I have been having bereavement counselling. My counsellor has been an absolute godsend during this. I have missed some sessions when I haven't felt able to go out but when I have been I am always glad I did. She said it seems as though I am going through the early stages of grief again but this time I'm grieving a different loss. It kinda makes sense.
Talking therapy works for me. You can say all the stuff that is on a loop in your head and talking seems to lessen the grip that intrusive thoughts  can have.
The hardest part is that when you are very low it's difficult to seek out this kind of help and you feel you don't want to talk to anyone.once I had made that initial move I found it easier each week to open up.

My counsellor told me that you can't go around grief you have to go through it. I guess the same applies to the menopause.!!

[Dancinggirl]

TC - I can totally relate.  I have come close to a total breakdown and still get bad bouts of depression.  I had counselling for a year in my mid 30s, soon after my peri meno started, and found talking therapy with CBT very helpful and this has carried me through since. You are very right - endeavouring to keep the negativity at bay is very important - you are clearly very proactive, so stay strong.

I'm very sorry about your loss - to go through all these horrid meno problems while grieving for your soul mate is particularly tough.

Keep us posted - take care. DG x

[Tc]

DG Thank you so much I hope you are keeping well. My wife was my greatest support and I miss her everyday.
She fought her illness to the very end and I guess in my more calm moments I feel i owe it to her to try to have a happy and fulfilled life. I haven't realy succeeded so far since she passed and haven't always wanted to but today I want to try and that's something.
I agree bout the CBT it has worked for me in the past. I guess having struggled with my mh in the past I have learned to ask for help when I need it but it took a long time  It seems as though for some women the meno is their first experience of anxiety and or depression and they might therefore not be able to seek out professional help indeed they might not know where to start.
For anyone reading this who feels that relates to them I would say gp first and find out what the referral process is in your area (my borough is self referral)but if you realy want to do it take a deep breath and make that first move.
Talking to a stranger can actually be a lot easier than those we love as the fear of upsetting or worrying them is not there.
Take care and thanks again DG especially for the soul mate comment. Lovely thing to say. All the best. TC

[NaturalMystic]

I'm in the process of referring myself for cbt, thanks TC

Stay strong xx

[Tc]

Naturalmystic I hope you find it helpful. You are taking the first steps and I truly found that the hardest part so you can be proud of yourself for that. It is a positive thing to do although it might not seem it at the time.
Take care.