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Author Topic: Midlife Crisis  (Read 3912 times)

Dancing Queen

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Midlife Crisis
« on: October 21, 2018, 05:59:18 PM »

OK so I know there's no such thing but...I'm having one! A few months ago my hormones went haywire, all sorts of things happened and my head wasn't in a good place. Eventually got onto HRT which almost immediately calmed me and helped my mood. But I'm still left with the Life Is Too  Short feeling and have made up my mind to chuck in the unrewarding tedious but adequately paid job I have done for the last 20 years in search of something more fulfilling. I've decided there are some crap things in my life I can't change but I do have control over this. Am I nuts? Hormones still driving me to make rash mistakes? Has anyone else felt like this? Friends are generally split between go for it and you're c ommitting financial suicide!
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BlueButterfly

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Re: Midlife Crisis
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2018, 06:13:49 PM »

I'm in the 'go for it' category, if you can do it without it making your life go totally downhill.

Look at it logically, make sure the finances will work out and if so, go for it. Or start making small changes...finding something more fulfilling first...that you can do a couple days a week, see if that's really the way you want to go before jumping head first into it?

I feel it daily. I am past the point of just surviving in life. I want to live...I want to enjoy life and not be stuck living somewhere I hate, just getting by anyways. But have children to still raise and need to get hubby on board since he's the bread-winner at the moment and I can't work right now. I'm ready to make the jump but I have others in my life that need to make it with me. Complicates things a bit. ;)
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NorthArm

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Re: Midlife Crisis
« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2018, 08:20:22 PM »

I totally get how you're feeling.

I'm in the ‘tread carefully' camp.

For example, is it possible to cut your work back to part time to give yourself some more time?

Is it possible for you to get some counselling and work your head out?

I know you say you still have great affection for your partner, but is it possible for you to take a flat for you to retreat to if you need to?

I'm really in the same boat as you - with a partner whom I like, but don't feel I can spend the rest of my life (and going on parents and grand parents, that could be another 45 years!) with...so over the next few months I'm going to have to start making some hard decisions as very few of my needs are being met. His view on life is to sit watching non stop telly / you tube / Facebook, where I want to go out and enjoy life. I've been on my own before, and it was the happiest I've ever been....

Just tread carefully, make sure you're looking after yourself xx
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CLKD

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Re: Midlife Crisis
« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2018, 08:57:58 PM »

I would suggest that you seek advice from a Financial Advisor.  DH worked out what we would need then talked the figures over with an advisor who agreed, he has served us well.  We are now better off than 7 years ago ;-).

Then go for it!  Life's too short to stuff a mushroom  ;)

I have less people in my Life than even 12 month's ago ;-)

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Dancing Queen

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Re: Midlife Crisis
« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2018, 09:49:31 PM »

Thank you everyone, youre all making me feel positive..in a cautious way! I will go for it if I can. The partner thing is a different matter, he is totally dependent on me so basically its all on me! No pressure then..Might give the tatoos a miss though lol 😁
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BlueButterfly

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Re: Midlife Crisis
« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2018, 10:10:52 PM »

Hubby said he'd be totally onboard with me if the kids were grown and not living with us. So I think you are in a good position to go for it if it'll work out!
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AgathaC

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Re: Midlife Crisis
« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2018, 05:24:30 AM »

I've found that when I feel like this, a relatively small change can make a surprisingly big difference.
I've had friends too in similar situations.
Two friends were both unhappy with husbands and jobs and felt that life was too short to compromise.
One made the big change - got rid of husband and got a new job. She's not much happier than before.
The other just said - I'm not cooking any more meals. She went for a walk instead and made the husband cook dinner every night. This “small” change has revolutionised their whole relationship. They laugh, they talk, he's changed, she's fitter. They both love it.
So I'd say try something small but very different and work up to a big change if you need to.
Just a thought and maybe not what you need/want.
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CLKD

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Re: Midlife Crisis
« Reply #7 on: October 22, 2018, 08:06:06 AM »

As a thought: if doing what you want and need at this point in your Life will the decision enable you more so that your partner gains benefit?  Keep telling yourself that this is about 'you'  ;)
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suziq99

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Re: Midlife Crisis
« Reply #8 on: October 22, 2018, 09:37:58 AM »

OH absolutely me to, I feel a real need for change.
I am hoping a massive clearout of all the 'stuff' we've collected over the years & no longer use will help & possibly a dedicated yoga room.
It's either that or run off with the campervan 😂
Sick & tired of nights in front of the telly & twiddling my thumbs while someone 'reads' on his phone.


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Dancing Queen

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Re: Midlife Crisis
« Reply #9 on: October 22, 2018, 09:59:40 AM »

Another Monday sitting in my home office perusing the local jobs online. Clearing out chicken poo in the local chicken factory. Do I fancy that? Notalot!  I do have dancing to look forward to tonight and tomorrow that`s what keeps me going. I teach one night a week but don`t get paid for it. Don`t think it`s going to be my new career though I`m not young or good enough! Back to the chickens then  :D   
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Dancing Queen

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Re: Midlife Crisis
« Reply #10 on: October 22, 2018, 01:19:58 PM »

Hi Sparkle, I already do jive dancing twice a week and help to teach at one of the lessons... yes it really does give me a boost you can`t help but forget your problems when you`re being whirled at high speed round the dance floor! But unfortunately I`m not good enough to carry it over to a new career!  ;)   
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Mushyjam49

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Re: Midlife Crisis
« Reply #11 on: October 22, 2018, 02:35:52 PM »

 :) I am a staunch supporter of bloody go for it!!!!! For me it has never been a mid life crisis - my Husband calls me a job drifter - the bloody cheek. 

I have always taken the view - call it stubborn but the way I see it - we are in work an awful long time.  A lot of people spend their working lives in jobs they have become to hate, they gain no job satisfaction and just go through the motions counting down for their retirement.  No moi here.  I have worked from the age of 11 years old and have done various jobs mainly in the law sector.  Now 49 I think the longest time spent serving for one employer was 10 years!!! I am firmly of the opinion life is short and there are always new challenges and opportunities to be explored!!! I am the eternal optimist in this regard and yes some of those challenges have proven to me that the grass hasn't been greener on the other side.  It's live and learn though I suppose, well that's the mentality I have.   

So yes for me it would be go for it while you can and enjoy the fresh challenge and rewards that this can bring.
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Ladybt28

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Re: Midlife Crisis
« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2018, 04:58:35 PM »

ooh go for it, well as long as you have worked out on a piece of paper it is "do able" and not something that will put you on the road to bankruptcy.  Life is too short.  I'm no having or have not had a mid life crisis. I have found myself in a much darker place which those who really know me just pooh pah as feeling down and that it will pass but unfortunately it isn't.  Its been there for about a year and doesn't show any signs of shifting  I'm 57 and in my meno brain have concluded that my life is now officially over...it's too late to fix anything or start anything new, there is no point. But hey ho I can support others from the sidelines - sort of life by proxy :)  I work for myself and have done for over 25 years so if I had to get a job I reckon I would be pretty much unemployable in the general workplace  :-\ - even with chickens Dancing Queen - they'd take a vote I'd be out in a heartbeat!   You said you were in a "home office" jobhunting??? Do yo work from home in your current position?

See the dancing thing - that's brilliant and an absolutely brilliant way to stay young.  I started dancing when I was 3 right up to 26 4 or 5 times a week.  Then I got married and it was sort of periodically I would go a spurt 6 months at a time.  Then I was in a car accident - that put paid to that! Now although it is 8 years since the accident my body can only manage an evening of boogie ing  :parti: and then 2 days hobbling!  Reading this post I am going to try and be inspired by Jillydoll's "small changes".  I flaming well need to be inspired by something or maybe what I need is a giant kick up the backside, but it's tough when you feel rough with the menopause and cant think straight.  Is this the real me or meno me???? duh!!  Who said you weren't good enough to give paid lessons Dancing Queen? - go girl  Think Danny John Joules on strictly - giving the young uns a run for their money.
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CLKD

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Re: Midlife Crisis
« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2018, 05:01:04 PM »

I want to move  ;D does this count  ???
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Ladybt28

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Re: Midlife Crisis
« Reply #14 on: October 22, 2018, 05:06:31 PM »

Is that out of the chair hun  ;)  ;D  or something more drastic?  Is to the sunshine? ... (I'm obsessed with sunshine)
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