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[BlueButterfly]

I need to rant. 

I'm tired, not fatigued but mentally and emotionally drained!

It's one thing after another. I feel like I get control or at least get over the health anxiety of one problem only to have others creep up.

This past week included a severe muscle spasm/pinched nerve in my back between my shoulder blades that lasted for hours and was seriously some of the worst pain I've felt! The hot shower did very little, the soak in the bath...a little bit more but still just hurt and then I found the knots in the muscle just off to the right of the spine...so tried massaging those. Big mistake! Pain shot around my side and to the front! Just touching those knots repeated the pain for awhile. Sore muscles for days after that. Caused me some crazy anxiety that maybe I had a heart attack and should have gone to emergency but didn't want to do that again. Went to the doctor the next day though and he strongly believes it wasn't a heart attack (I've had so many heart tests and it's very healthy and I really had no symptoms to indicate heart but you know ... anxiety). Still couldn't let go of the idea for a few days but feel okay now.
Still have muscle knots in both shoulders, right more than left, whole back in a weak knot and muscle spasms (not bad, just noticable) in my lower legs. A soak in an Epsom bath helps. I've started taking magnesium again and probably need to increase the dose. Thinking of going to a chiropractor.

I also had pain down there for a week! Just sharp stabs sometimes, mostly just enough to feel it, a few painful ones. That has now passed, of course!!

I can't seem to stop losing weight! I should be okay with this as I'm still not down to the weight I was AFTER I had my youngest (11 years ago!) but I'm getting close. I spent so much time at the higher weight guess I just got used to it. I was always very slender so I WAS the heaviest I'd ever been before all this started. I guess I'm most bothered because I am not in control of the weight loss! (Been told thyroid is fine! Really want to have it checked again. Not sure what it would be though as I have symptoms of both hyper and hypo  ) I shouldn't be but I'm annoyed with none of my clothes fitting anymore. And can't buy new at the time because of costs of all these tests and doctor visits and hubby's new job that pays less.  It's more "stable" so I should be happy. 

My blood sugar seems to be low these days now. I felt like my insides we're shaking this morning and just not great overall. It improved after eating and has gotten better as I've forced myself to almost continually eat all day. Makes my heart feel like it's beating out of my chest....not fast, just hard. I guess faster but in the 60s beats per minute. My heart rate is regularly in the 50s now when relaxing. Blood pressure okay. I think it's low sometimes. I get dizzy when I stand up but not always. It was 105/68 the other night and stood up quickly without any problems. Gosh, if things were only consistent so I could manage it, I think.

I'm sick of anxiety. I'm just so fed up all this even started happening!

I'm cold and hot all day, freezing or red faced and hot.

My nerves feel "over active" right now. I think I'm feeling things stronger than they really are??

I think my body is very sensitive to small change! I can't think of why else every blood test puts me in normal range... not even in the low or high end of normal....but I still have things happening. They are right in the middle!
I feel like whatever is going on, I'm being shot into it from a cannon! I thought it would be a slower transition!

And why can't I eat gluten anymore?!?!  I want a pizza for comfort! Or bread! I went a month without it, couldn't stand it anymore and ate it for the last week....and I really don't think my body liked that. Digestion issues came back but not as bad as before but there.

And muscles....are they gone? Seems like they get weak and just feel burning so quickly doing every day tasks. And dealing with this hair? Forget braiding it or doing much of anything anymore. My shoulders get tired half way through ..so glad it'll be gone soon! Getting it all cut Tuesday...bye bye waist length hair! At least when it falls out now I won't have 2+ foot length (over half a meter) strands of hair everywhere!

I'm so tired of feeling like I'm falling apart!
 
I cry at things I didn't used to. I laughed to tears at my teenage son today. Honestly I enjoyed that but it was so foreign to me. I honestly could deal with the emotions I'm having now as at least rage seems to have passed. I just want to feel like my body is working!

Sorry for the long rant. I'm just feeling so done right now. I hate having no control over this!

GYN on Wednesday! Fingers crossed it goes well. He was my angel 7 years ago! I hope so again!

[Sammas]

Sending hugs! This menopause malarkey is a pain as we feel so up and down for no reason Goid luck with your appt x

[Taz2]

Hugs from me too. I take it you've had your vitamin d level checked? My first symptom of low level was burning pain when trying to dry my hair or hang out the washing plus painful muscles.

I've had the pain between the shoulder blades which was really crippling. It really is just(!) a muscle spasm but can feel much more serious.

Taz x

[Dancinggirl]

Bluebutterfly. I think there are many of us who can relate to how you are feeling. The menopause messes with our heads.
That feeling of being overwhelmed is horrid. I recently hit a wall because during the hot weather I was getting so little sleep. I've had to make some changes to improve things and I'm now starting to get some energy back. I also struggle with me digestion but I've found taking digestive enzymes has helped a lot.
The knots in your back are a real sign of stress and tension and is something you could reduce with some apropriate exercise and maybe a visit to an osteopath. I have degeneration in my lower spine and with my horrid fatigue ( due to lack of sleep) the pain was getting bad, so I took myself off to the osteopath and found an excellent Pilates class that has made a big difference. It's called Somatic Pilates and the teacher specialises in helping people with spinal problems.
I do a lot of walking as well and i do recommend you try to get out for brisk walks and do some Mindful meditation if you can as this would really help.
It is so easy to slip into negative thoughts but with some simple strategies you can learn to tackle them better - it's not easy though.
DG x

[CLKD]

You aren't losing your mind, it's The Change 

As oestrogen levels drop the body may become dry: inside and out; skin, vagina, deep in the ears, nostrils, eyes ...... and muscles may become lax = aches and pains. 

As for feeling like the blood sugar levels are low, maybe try eating every 3 hours 24/7.  National Association for Pre-menstrual Syndrome gave me that advice in the mid 1990s, I would feel ILL 10-14 days B4 each bleed to the point that I was unable to leave the house.  Grazing still suits me.  The idea is to spread your diet across 24 hours even in the night.  I had a puppy at the time and she soon learned that there were biscuits by the bed when she'd been out to wee in the early hours  . 

Some ladies find that keeping a mood/food/symptom diary of use to chart feelings.  Add to that what you eat and drink might help to see what your intake actually is.  I weigh twice a year, I can tell how I am by the belt on my jeans  but I am sure that your Practice Nurse or Pharmacist will check if you are worried.

Browse round.  Make notes ;-)

[BlueButterfly]

Thanks everyone. I am definitely hitting a wall again right now. I'm just getting so burnt out with my body not working like it used to.

Taz2, ya know, come to think of it I haven't had my vitamin D levels checked! Of everything else they've done, that hasn't been one, at least recently. If they did do it, it would have been done months ago...when I was basking in the sun getting my tan! But I don't recall it being done. A couple years ago I did have low Vit D levels so I should probably request that. Gosh, if that was it....they are checking me for every autoimmune issue under the sun right now as nothing is showing up as a problem on the blood tests. Minor indicator of maybe lupus??? but no symptoms so false positive...and a high d dimer test (2 actually). No clots. No explanation for them being raised.
I do hope it was just a muscle spasm. I've never had pain like that but when it started it definitely felt like nerve pain. I was okay until it shot around to the front and was shooting out both sides from the bottom of my breast bone. But the fact that it could be recreated from messing with those muscle knots should be a good indicator to me. And my heart rate only climbed a bit, because I was in pain...had no problems with oxygen and never got hot, dizzy, etc. Just pain!

DancingGirl, Yes it seems stress and tension are my life now! I was talking to my mother the other day about things and she even recalls that as a teen I could not relax...I honestly don't know how to! I'm learning that the hard way now. I have done some meditation and need to get back to doing that. The first time my body because fully relaxed it scared me! My body jumped in response because it was such a foreign feeling. I have to consciously force myself to stay with that feeling. Need to try doing that again...

Birdy, I do have some magnesium, a couple kinds actually, but can't remember what type they are. I have read similar things about magnesium as well, about certain types being easier to absorb. I unfortunately have cheap supermarket brands. I need to go to the health food store and get better quality vitamins. The Espom salt baths have been helpful for the knots. They seem to help them release more than anything else. I'm taking too many a day lately though.
As for HRT, as the moment, no. I stopped everything I was on 3 months ago so I can get tested to see where I am at. I'm only 36. Almost 7 years ago, 29/30, I was put on the contraceptive pill and testosterone cream because I had no test and my ovaries were "shutting down" is what I was told. This worked great for awhile! I lost 20 lbs in a few months and could function again. (I had been like a living lump on the couch since giving birth to my daughter 4-5 years earlier....I could not function...I'd clean the house and was down for 4 days...it was horrible. was told for years it was just depression but I knew it wasn't right). My insurance no longer covered this particular GYN so I had to start shopping around after paying out of pocket a few years. I never liked any of the others. They kept me on the contraceptive pill I was on and were fine giving me the testosterone cream but after being tested not using it for a few months, was told my levels were now fine. So stopped using that can't remember when...but it wasn't regular use for a few years. Fast forward and end of May I start having severe anxiety and panic attacks...frequently. Can't figure out why! Starts on a bleed week, rages worse every 4 weeks after! Something with the bleed week. I don't feel good about staying on the pill anymore. I didn't before this all started. I was thinking my hormones were changing back in march when I went to my last yearly check up. Things were just different and the pill wasn't working like it used to. I also worry like nothing else about blood clot issues. (2 high d dimers and 2 ultrasounds checking for clots and still clear - having blood tested for clotting disorder though as my father had several clots at one time!) So I'd like to do something with less of a risk of clotting. Was thinking the natural route but I don't know either.

CLKD, yes I've sort of been keeping the diary. I struggle to remember most times though.
I will have to work on the grazing...it helped yesterday. Woke up today just nauseous and beat! Feel better after eating...starting to wonder if I'm waking up with low blood sugar levels....I've heard it can happen and it can also be a reason for waking you up early.
I used to have the craziest metabolism as a teen....I ate like you wouldn't believe, especially at the size I was. My mother still talks about how much money she saved on food when I moved out. I'm quite tall....5'10"....weighed a massive (sarcasm) 113lbs (8 stone if google is converting right) when I got married. It was the heaviest I had ever been. I feel like I'm back to that metabolism but not the appetite to support it! I know I'm not but with the way the weight is just dropping it scares me! I know the anxiety is playing a role, the lack of sugar in my diet now and whatever hormone change I had(I could barely manage to lose a couple of pounds after weeks of exercise and eating healthy/less before)! I have thought about hyperthyroid but I don't have symptoms of that except some hair loss and weight loss. I am COLD all the time and have a very slow resting heart rate (54-56) and definitely don't have energy.

I'm just a mess right now. On the plus side, I seemed to have gotten a handle on the tingling tongue issue. Started using some zinc melts. Seems to be about 95% gone now.

Almost wednesday. I'm very happy I finally get to see the doctor that helped me 7 years ago. I hope he can work that miracle again. He's a older man that I hope NEVER retires. He has experience. Last time was amazing, he just told me "Women that have symptoms like you've reported to me have done really well on X so lets give that a try." It was the EASIEST contraceptive transition I have ever made. I had NO side effects and my body just took right to it and drop right into the flow...until a few months ago when it no longer suited me. I just want to be ME again...or close to it. I want to enjoy life, I want to be free of anxiety. I don't want to feel okay but have that thought in my head...it'll be back!

[CLKD]

Thyroid function tests?   GPs aren't keen on doing extra tests if it comes back 'within normal limits'! 

I have safe foods to hand 24/7:  bananas, dried fruits and nuts, porridge  , a good muesli for breakfast .... some people find eggs on toast for breakfast really helpful. 

Being able to relax is a learnt habit.  What was going on in your family surroundings that didn't allow you to let go?  From age 3 I lived in a dysfunctional atmosphere  which caused anxiety.

[BlueButterfly]

I'm honestly not sure. I know I wasn't always thrilled at being home. My mother and I did not get along well during those teenage years. I also have ADD so slowing down is not my strongest ability. There's a lot I've read about how girls dealt with that and how it goes undiagnosed for so long. Essentially we put ourselves into stress mode so we get things done....like when you have a deadline you need to meet....but we give ourselves deadlines all the time to make sure we get things done....so always in a state of stress. That's why women tend to still do well in school with ADD. It explained a lot. So, no, I don't know how to relax.

I believe my mother was going through what I am now. It's hard to say. She had a hysterectomy before 30 but still had ovaries. Having talked to her about things, in the 2nd half of her 30s she started to lose her hair, get depression and mood swings....my mother was young when she had me so at 16 for me...my mother was only 35. It was very volatile between us in those years...and that may be why??
She still has hot flushes now and other things. She doesn't know if/where she is at with the menopause stuff. No insurance, no doctor visits (US).

I really don't have female family members to look to see if/when meno starts. Mother and 2 aunt's had hysterectomy before 30 due to endometriosis. 1 aunt without the problem but she's an anomaly...in 60s now starting meno. No hormonal problems like the  rest. Grandmother hysterectomy early 30s due to same hormonal issues as daughters.

I've dealt with endometriosis and have a 2cm uterine fibroid. I have no desire to have a hysterectomy at this time but the last doctor was being very pushy about it. 

Will push for a full thyroid panel and vit d tests when hormones are checked.

At times it feels like puberty again...not what I need with a daughter going through it as well.

[CLKD]

Many years ago I read that the problem with families is that women will be either having periods or going into menopause  the article was advising the men in the families to duck 

When obsessions take over I don't stop  - I get my teeth in and shake it like a dog with a bone.  I have had to listen when Himself tells me to stop.  I don't realise that I'm headed for another down fall. 

Last year I began to feel really tired: I would do 20 mins. weeding then have to sit, still, for 2 hours  .  My VitD levels were low, capsules from the GP eased symptoms after a blood test.

[Joaniepat]

Many years ago I read that the problem with families is that women will be either having periods or going into menopause  the article was advising the men in the families to duck 

Surely the problem with families is men? 
JP x

[CLKD]

  ......... 

[BlueButterfly]

Agreed!!

Just on the verge of tears right now.....just one of those days where I was trying not to cry over my food. I probably just need to let it out...I think I'm getting close to a period here soon.....hm.....

[BlueButterfly]

Just why?? Why do I let my mind wander? I struggle even letting myself believe that at such a young age I'm dealing with so many hormone problems....so I start to believe the doctors and I MUST have an autoimmune disease or something. But no matter how many times I've gone over the symptoms and KNOW I don't fit...I still go back...so sure it must be Lupus...Or my adrenals failing on me....
yet, it's not.....my blood tests are fine...my symptoms don't all fit...it's been ruled out...but I can't believe it's hormones but I KNOW it's hormones. Ya know what I mean?? I feel 'fine'. I really do...I just don't at the same time. I do feel healthy but there is something there that WILL NOT let me enjoy it!

[Toodle Pips]

Hi Blue butterfly,

I have had pain and knots to the right and left of my spine for months now, and have realised it goes when I don't spend so much time on my I pad.

I also can't eat like I used to. I have spent all this summer with bouts of diarrhoea, which has drained me. I already have iron problems due to heavy periods for years and miscarriages, and the stomach problems have added to my general weakness. I often get dizzy spells or am lightheaded. I still have regular periods, although this one that came today was eight days late. So I am hoping it is the beginning of the end of them for me as they have been the bane of my life for decades.

I am starting to get on top of the stomach issues by watching what I eat. I don't always adhere to this though, like tonight I ate something that sent me running to the loo. So now I am back on the Imodium for a couple of days until I can get it all settled again.

I can't lose weight, so the opposite of you, despite all the running to the loo!

I ache all over, and cry quite a lot too. Although since I started to take Menopace max, I haven't been as bad.

I spend most early mornings in a state of jittery twichiness! But it passes by 8am. I put it down to cortisol levels being higher at those times.

I also wasn't sleeping well until I started to take the Menopace max. But things are much better, and I generally feel a lot calmer than I did earlier in the summer. I just wish my periods would stop so that I could get my iron levels steady.

I often worry that it isn't my hormones and that I have some disease. However, when I do tell myself it is my hormones I tend to feel a lot happier about life.

It's really not fair that we have to go through this garbage is it!

[BlueButterfly]

I'm just still so in awe at how our hormones can have so much control. I don't understand how one week I can be fine and then the next my whole life is different...I'm having panic attacks and anxiety almost constantly (thankfully it isn't as often). Just why does it change so fast? That seems so extreme to me!