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[Tinkerbell]

Think we have been invited to four weddings in the last seven years and they all asked for money although it was pointed out they were happy to receive a gift if you preferred to do that, seems to be the norm these days.
I was married in the eighties as were many friends, cousins and everybody had a present list certainly can't remember any money requests.
I think if I remarried need to divorce first  I would suggest money for a charity if people felt the need to give anything.

[Snoooze]

When I got married, we had lived together a long time and had everything we needed. It was a very small wedding of around 50 guests but we just stated that we did not want any money/gifts, just their 'presence'. We still got given money in the cards and a few gave us actual gifts for which we were grateful. I don't agree with actually asking for money. They should say like we did that they don't want anything and then they will probably get money anyway like we did but it's the asking that I find rude.

I went to a wedding of someone I work with but I heard through the grapevine that she wasn't happy with some of the amounts other work colleagues gave her as she mentioned how much it was per head and how much it cost her to have them at the wedding! I did seem to have given more than my other colleagues and I do take into account that they are paying per head and then extra on the night do but I certainly didn't give as much as she probably had expected. Also, she had spent a fortune on the wedding which I don't agree with either plus I agree about how ridiculous these hen/stag do's are that take place over a week abroad. I know of one groom who booked a week abroad and it turned out when all the guys who were going had paid the stated amount it actually covered a free place for the groom!

Like when my husband was a best man..they all went to get kitted out in the hire suits that they had to pay for but there was a big sign in the shop saying 'hire 5 suits, groom get his for free'!

[Pennyfarthing]

We got married in 1977. Hired a wedding dress. Small church wedding with no bridesmaids. “Do” afterwards in a village hall with all the buffet style food done by my cousin who was a chef. No honeymoon just back to our rented cottage.

Sounds very basic but all my friends weddings were similar.  That was the way things were done then.

[CLKD]

Yep PF.  Mine was done for £300.00 all in  ........ we used family cars and bought ribbons.  Dresses were made from material.  Flowers bought locally.  Hotel was hired, per head.  Had to be out by 4.00 as the room was needed that evening.  Saved any hangers on  .   [1975]

Money is OK.  I would send a card and cash in a separate envelope if I thought that people were going to be picky at the amount  .  Then they wouldn't know who had given it.

[Annika]

Pennyfarthing sounds a lot like ours back in 1977..small church after Sunday mass we snuck in with a few family members. Had our do at our home with my mother in law (great cook) doing the dinner and there was plenty. I have been to weddings and come away hungry so we made sure everyone had more than enough. Last month we celebrated 41 years and can honestly say its been a happy one..truly we have been blessed.  I think I would stay home if I got one of those wedding invites asking for this and that and a three ring circus to boot but thats just me 

[CLKD]

   I would want to see the extension - not that I'm nosey [much]

[littleminnie]

Maybe you could go to the extension for your holidays. 

[Tiddles]

My twopennies worth - I think I prefer a request for money over a John Lewis gift list.  At least with money you can just give £20 if that's all you could afford at the time (I would do this and not feel pressurised into giving what I couldn't afford and if they bitched about me it would say more about them than it would about me ...) whereas with the John Lewis list the stuff on there often costs hundreds and it's embarrassing ...

Most expensive wedding I've ever been to couldn't have seen much change from £45K and that was over 10 years ago.  Horse drawn carriages, free champagne from start to finish, fantastic venue, Chelsea Flower show quality flower arrangement so massive you couldn't see round them to talk to the people opposite at the table, professional video and photographs of everyone and every tiny detail all day and evening etc etc etc followed by a honeymoon in some private beachside lodge in a carribean location.  The marriage lasted 2 months - I kid you not. The bride's dad who paid for it all must have been suicidal.

Best wedding I've ever been to (apart from my own!) - village hall, morris dancers, fish and chips followed by trifle, flowers from the garden in jam jars on the tables, a home made cake, a wonderful happy day and the couple are still together and happy :-)

[Joaniepat]

I could be wrong, but I have a theory that the more the wedding costs, the shorter the marriage will be. The only people who benefit from these expensive bashes are the businesses which supply them (florists, caterers, clothing suppliers etc, etc). Great for business, but........ 
JP x

[Annika]

That's a good theory Joanie you are probably right 

[Daisydot]

Yes I agree there JP.x

[Pennyfarthing]

My twopennies worth - I think I prefer a request for money over a John Lewis gift list.  At least with money you can just give £20 if that's all you could afford at the time (I would do this and not feel pressurised into giving what I couldn't afford and if they bitched about me it would say more about them than it would about me ...) whereas with the John Lewis list the stuff on there often costs hundreds and it's embarrassing ...

Most expensive wedding I've ever been to couldn't have seen much change from £45K and that was over 10 years ago.  Horse drawn carriages, free champagne from start to finish, fantastic venue, Chelsea Flower show quality flower arrangement so massive you couldn't see round them to talk to the people opposite at the table, professional video and photographs of everyone and every tiny detail all day and evening etc etc etc followed by a honeymoon in some private beachside lodge in a carribean location.  The marriage lasted 2 months - I kid you not. The bride's dad who paid for it all must have been suicidal.

Best wedding I've ever been to (apart from my own!) - village hall, morris dancers, fish and chips followed by trifle, flowers from the garden in jam jars on the tables, a home made cake, a wonderful happy day and the couple are still together and happy :-)

My friends niece is an only child and had a massive wedding, hen do and exotic honeymoon.  The parents stumped up for the whole lot and also gave them a house which they had previously rented out.  That marriage lasted a month!  Apparently they had been together for several years and just before the wedding the bride met someone else but darent tell her parents.  The wedding therefore went ahead but the parents were furious at all the money they had wasted and they wouldnt speak to her for about a year.  Things are a bit better now and they have more or less accepted her new man but theres a lot of legal wrangling still going on about the house because the jilted husband is refusing to move out.

[CLKD]

Good for him PF ;-)

I agree with the theory too.  We had been together 4 five years B4 I knew that he intended to marry me  .  We then got on with it ........ Job Done!

Even if we had such monies these days I can see other things more important to us that spending it on a wedding ........... I still go with the buy a brick/pane of glass idea