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[Jeepers]

Hi,

thanks for your replies, it means a lot to me to be able to talk on here.

I am trying not to panic, but its so hard.  Last week I felt like I was getting my mojo back, I even managed a gently scuba dive.  I now think I was tempting fate, and have been put back in my place.. as if I was bad to think I could be "normal"

I want to have the endoscopy, as the not knowing is the worst thing ever, imagining everything.  At least if it is the worst kind of news, I will know for sure.!

I have my new man (I shouldnt say "my", but I don't know what else to say), around for dinner tonight.  HE has bought me quite a few dinners, and wont let me pay, so I am cooking for him.  I am so tempted to tell him I can't see him anymore... after all , he didn't sign up for what might be in store 

the pain is sharp and  comes and goes, is in the centre of my upper abdomen, although I do get pain under my right ribs at times too.  I just want it to go away, and let me have my life back,

thank you again

Jeepers xxx

[Jeepers]

Hi

Thanks sparkle, the evening went really, really well.  I can safely report that I do NOT have any problems on the Libido dept   

I don't want to tell him, just in case it turns out to be noting, and I have sabotaged things like I always do ..if that makes sense.

I didn't notice any symptoms last night  , and I cooked (and ate) lasagne with garlic bread and salad.  Pudding was strawberries in balsamic vinegar with ice cream, and I even had a a small glass and a half of prosecco!

This morning I have a pain in my right side (and a headache, I am such a lightweight)... its strange how things seem to move around.  So could that possibly be gall bladder sign?  I only had the blood tests I listed earlier, not sure if they are for gall bladder?  If so, do I need a different test other then an endoscopy?

[Snoooze]

Glad to hear your evening went well Jeepers! The closer you two get the more you will start to feel he can be there for you through all your troubles without you deciding for both of you that he would be better off without you. I'm sure he won't feel like that at all.

You have similar digestive problems to what I had a while ago but like you say, you had no symptoms last night. I was like that. Sometimes a type of food I ate gave me problems and other times I could eat it and be fine. Anxiety doesn't help with stomach issues. I have been healthy eating for a few months now and have had none of the digestive issues I used to get. Try not to worry that the endoscopy will show up anything untoward and carry on with enjoying your new romance!

[Jeepers]

Hi snoooze

Thanks for your reply.

I have chatted to new man, and the subject of illness came up. I said "if I got I'll, I would let you go, as that is not what you are signing up for.". He was a bit taken aback and said he wouldn't turn away from me, that's not what caring people do.

I didn't tell him about the ongoing problems though. We went out for a lovely walk yesterday evening and ended up in a pub.  I haven't had much appetite lately and had not had any dinner. Do then I foolishly drank a pint (!) of orange juice.

It hasn't helped and I feel nauseous today, as well as the pains in my stomach!

I'm tempted to go back to the doctor's, as he said I should go straight back if I felt worse.  I don't know, feels like this has been going on forever.

Yesterday morning I had some very strange sharp pains at the top of my hip bone on the right. It only hurt when I stood up after sitting for a while, and by the afternoon it had completely gone.

So many different pains and tenderness... I just want to feel better. 


Jeepers xx

[weathergirl]

Jeepers, I agree with Sparkle in terms of things that need to be evaluated to see what's the source of the trouble - whether gallbladder or acid stomach, etc.   I've had issues off/on for many years and will be seeing a GI doctor next week. I suspect I, too, will have to have an endoscopy and am shaking in my boots.   I am terrified of tests and really avoid them whenever I can.  It just ramps up my anxiety so badly.  I also have horrible health anxiety and being over 50 now realize that I can't just ignore things like maybe I would have in my 20's.  I greatly sympathize with the way our minds go to the 'what if's' as I'm doing it terribly right now.  You are not alone in this at all!!   

Sparkle, I was diagnosed years ago with a hiatal hernia but they tend to be 'sliding' hernias and are not always seen at endoscopy. It was seen many years ago and I was told it was quite large, then another endoscopy about 10 years later it was not evident (must have slid back into place).  But it's definitely a good check to see what's happening.  For gallbladder the first check they would do is an ultrasound as it gives a good visualization of the gallbladder and they can see if you have gallstones or inflammation, etc.  I had several of those and ended up having my gallbladder removed after a HIDA scan (to test the contracting function of the gallbladder) showed mine was functioning very poorly.  I'd had symptoms for almost 10 years off/on).

Many stomach issues are functional and there is no readily apparent cause, though.  Anxiety and nerves can do a number on the GI tract.  I can attest as I'm sure many others here can too!   I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you that all is well and that things check out perfectly for you.  I know it doesn't help the anxiety of the 'why do I feel like this?', but at least you will have peace of mind.  I'm hoping it for both of us. xxxxx

[Snoooze]

Hi Jeepers,
Glad you had a little chat with him and I like what he said. He sounds like a keeper!
I agree with Sparkle, I never touch orange juice, far to acidic. Nowadays all I drink is still water or peppermint tea! I don't touch alcohol or any fizzy drinks.
I have had that pain in my hip. I put it down to another symptom of IBS.
Hopefully you will get some answers soon and can put your mind at rest.

[Jeepers]

Hi All

Thank you so much for your replies, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.  I'm in a dark place right now, I'm just not sure how much longer I can go on.  I'm trying to be strong for my kids, but to be honest, if I could just close my eyes and go to sleep forever, it would be a merciful release from the torment I am putting myself through.  I can't stop crying, I don't know what to do with myself.

Today, I haven't had too much pain, quite mild really.  However, I have had a strange pain in my back, slightly lower than the waistline, and slightly to the left of my spine.  It comes and goes, is quite sharp and is like a sharp pulse for about 30 seconds, then goes away for a while.  I stupidly googled "pain in mid back" and it came back as a red flag for doctors diagnosing cancer, which has spread to the bones.

I haven't heard anything about my endoscope appointment, the waiting and wondering is too much to bear.

I keep getting flashbacks to my Dad dying, and I really don't want t put my kids through that

I'm sorry to be so weak, I just want it all to stop,

Jeepers xxx

PS -- I know it was a terrible idea to drink not just an orange juice, but a pint of it.

[Snoooze]

Aww Jeepers, I know what it's like as a health anxiety sufferer to let your mind run away with you and the terrible googling is a bad idea but I'm guilty of it too. I've been busy lately and I've noticed it really helps to keep busy as the mind is occupied and hasn't time to think of every little pain and twinge.

As for your back. That sounds very muscular to me. I have had similar. I had it in my thigh, that sharp pulse for 30 seconds. It was actually coming from my back during a time when I was spending far too much time just lazing in bed.

Please try not to worry that something major is going on. Relax and try to focus on something else. This too shall pass xx

[Jeepers]

Hi

thank you for replying.

No, I don't think it was an urgent referral.  I should take heart from that, as hopefully that means he isn't suspecting the worst.

I keep busy at work, but after that its really difficult.  I was going to the gym 4 times a week, but I'm too scared to go in case it makes my symptoms worse and sends me into a panic (I d get burning/pain when I exert myself at home, like picking up something heavy).  I need to get back to it, or my body will turn to mush!  Maye not the body pump though  ,  I would have gone for a walk or run, but its lashing down here.  I will start tomorrow.

My back has been a little better today.

I spent some time yesterday looking at stomach cancer stats on the cancer research site.  And for women in my age group there were 121 per 100,000, so that equates to 1 in 826.. which must be quite good odds.

My posture isn't great.  My right shoulder is misaligned from using computer mice for so long.  I am supposed to be going to a chiropractor for that, but haven't organised myself to make the appointment yet.  I really should.

On a better note, I had a health check which is part of my health insurance package.  My bp was 115/80, my cholesterol was 4.97 with a TC/HDL(?) ratio of 2.73, and my blood sugar level was within limits (can't remember the exact figure).  As I have lost a few pounds due to gastric issues, my BMI is now 24.7.  The only negative was my waist size, I need to lose a couple of inches .

Thank you again, I do appreciate it.  Especially  on days where I work from home, and speak to no-one

Jeepers xx

[CLKD]

Maybe STOP looking at google etc.! 

Most of the stuff on there isn't verified.  I haven't followed your story due to Mum's situation making me extremely tired as well as DH being poorly etc., but if you feel as low as 'that' then 'phone your GP or the Samaritans, or check when your local MIND walk-in Centre is open. 

[weathergirl]

Jeepers, I've sent you a message.   

[weathergirl]

Sparkle, I am not afraid of the endoscopy itself, it's the results!  I can take pretty much any type of discomfort or odd test.  I just hate having tests done in the first place and fearing the worst.

Yes, it was interesting that they did not see the hiatal hernal on a subsequent endoscopy but I am told this is not at all uncommon as they are sliding and sometimes are more present than others.  If they were fixed in place that would actually be quite a problem and could become emergent. 

I'm sorry that we are suffering with this kind of thought process.  It really is difficult but I find keeping as busy and occupied as possible (work, exercise, getting outdoors, etc) helps a great deal.
Hugs to all! xxxx

[Conolly]

Hello Jeepers,


Hope you're feeling better today.


I've had exactly the same symptoms a while ago an it turned out to be all from anxiety plus the acid reflux that comes with it. The digestive system is our second and sometimes our first brain due to the amount of neurons that it contains and how it is affected by anxiety, panic and depression amongst other mental issues.


My advice is to distract your mind as much as possible from anxiety by keeping yourself busy (body and mind) to the point of exhaustion, then you have to find ways to get relaxed (mindfulness, cbt, yoga, tai chi, whatever suits you better).


You also have to pay attention to your meals, as I know you're already doing, but it's very important to eat slowly and avoid swallowing air while eating which is very common in anxiety. This trapped wind can result in all sorts of pain that are often confused with gall bladder, pancreas and other digestive issues.


Conolly X

[CLKD]

The gut is the 2nd brain.  It's where my weakness is  .  My gut was always rumbling as a child and I felt constantly sick.  I have found over the years that eating little and often, bland food stuffs, eases symptoms.  If my gut is empty it needs feeding, something to work on, otherwise it grumbles and groans ....... causing wind up and down  . 

Dry biscuits.
Mixed fruits and nuts [dried].
Bananas.
A good breakfast usually muesli.

Some can eat eggs for a quick burst of protein but unless it's in  I am unable to digest eggs.  Also, a little of what I fancy goes a long way!  It was IBS that sent me to the GP - it almost killed me  .  But medication helped a lot.

[Jeepers]

Hi all

Once again, thank you for your replies.

I had a letter for the referral, and I have to ring up next Thursday to arrange the appointment (it seems a strange system, you have to activate your referral, then wait 4 days for consultant to review, then you can make the appointment).  I don't think it can be an urgent referral then.

Been feeling a little better the last couple of days, only very mild sensations.  I think I have bee sort of sabotaging things a little.  Sort of, when I feel better, eating something unwise to "prove" to myself that I am better.  I need to stick to good things (I do mostly anyway) until at least after Endoscopy, to keep things goodish, including my anxiety.  I woke up this morning feeling anxious, and I didn't even know why, just a general feeling.  I have been trying to be calm as much as I can.

Other meno symptoms seem to be creeping back in... had quite a few hot flushes , my hips were aching yesterday...sigh, I had a good spell on those for a while.

I did make myself laugh the other night.  I had bad guts, with lots of wind (sorry tmi), which I was wracking my brains to think why.  Egg on toast for brekkie, porridge with banana and cinnamon for lunch, what could it be???  I completely forgot that I had a mixed bean and vegetable stir fry for dinnner.  Doh!!

CKLD -- sorry to hear your having a tough time with DH & your Mum.  It sounds like you have also had more than your fair share of health problems, and I feel a bit ashamed that I am freaking out so much, when others have been much braver.

New man came over last night, and I plucked up the courage to tell him about the Endoscopy and also about my appointment for the meno clinic next month (this would have been a major thing for me as I live my life under a veil of secrecy at the best of times, but to tell a man with whom I am trying to build a special connection!), and he could not have been more lovely.  He has offered to come with me for the 'scope.  That makes me tear up just typing it.

Also it is very,very comforting to know that others have had the same gastro symptoms.  I promise not to google anymore.  IT does mean however, that I might whinge more on here when i start to feel overwhelmed.  Sorry 'bout that.


hope you are all having a lovely weekend

Jeepers 

XXX