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[Justjules]

Hi ladies, sorry for dramatic title but sitting here in tears...can't take this health anxiety anymore. Am convinced I have pancreatic cancer as I have still got pain in left rib and ache and felt lousy over the weekend too which panicked me further. Husband has gone mad with me this morning as he said I am ruining my life and his and he's right. If it is pancreatic cancer, it's the worst one to have because there's no hope of a cure....I know it's stupid to google but the pain/ache all refers to the pancreas and I am thinking that that bad out of nowhere spasm I got just after tea the other week which triggered this off was maybe pancreatitis or the start of cancer. I am absolutely petrified and just want to run away...that dramatic but how I feel. I want to ring and ask that would something amiss have shown up in my blood test the other week...I daren't google that? Otherwise what could this damn thing be...it is worse if I lay on my left side in bed.  So sorry for the panic but I am in a dark place. Wondering if the bloomin Sertraline has anything to do with it as not felt right since started the things.

[libby1]

I've been theere too. The absolute worst thing you can do is google. Your'e looking for reassurance and only the worst case scenarios are on google, never the normal ones!!

Go and talk to your doctor, it's the best thing you can do. Sending you a 

Libby
x

[coldethyl]

Sorry you are in a bad place JJ. I understand how much of a bully HA is- was talking to my therapist last night about HA and she said that symptom swapping is the bully's best tactic as we get caught up in it again and again. You've experienced something unusual for you ( or probably something you've never noticed when not struggling with HA) and latched onto and off it's gone.
You desperately want reassurance that it isn't pancreatic cancer but google and coming on here can't do that - nothing we can say will make any difference and no one can say categorically that you are fine other than your GP so you have to decide whether to make an appointment and be seen to or suffer all the anxiety that you are currently experiencing. I wouldn't normally advocate a doctor's visit but I think that you need to see one as the Sertraline obviously isn't helping enough.
Thinking of you. X

[countrybumpkin]

I have had severe HA since I was a child and would not wish it on anyone as it ruins lives.  although with age I am alot better I totally understand how you feel.

I was myself in a bit of a tizzy two weeks ago because of pain under my left ribs - I too have pancreatic cancer taking over my mind - guess what it was - muscular because I have a very bad back with degenerated discs and prolapsed discs.  I saw my chiropractor and he worked on my ribs and after 2 sessions the pain under my left rib has gone.  So the logical explanation if its connected to your back problems as mine was.

If you have what you think is a sympathetic Gp to Health anxiety then be honest and tell them what your fear is. I now do this with my GP and he then explains why he thinks I am talking nonsense!  He also at times even when I am not worrying about some fatal disease symptom he will say " I don't think you have got xxx cancer either because xxxx" and I think blimey I hand't thought of that one!

Your husband will be feeling very very useless - mine explained that many years ago and he too would and still will if I get into total meltdown get very angry with me.  He said its the frustration of not being able to help and the totally illogical mindset of someone with HA. We came to agreement that I would talk to him once about my fear and a plan of action but then not keep going on and on about my fear as this is what he could not cope with and I think you will find that you have been going on and on and on at your husband without realising it and he can't reassure you so it comes out in anger.

If you ever want to message me about HA please do as I am lifelong sufferer.x

[CLKD]

I don't know where my pancreas is  …… and who 'says' that it is the worst cancer possible?  I know of worse!

I think your GP should refer you for some talking therapy.  Someone to listen to your thought processes who can suggest how to divert those thought processes to ease the terror.  I remember terror well  ………… but I came through with intermittent therapy over 2/3 years. 

If your husband is angry then he ought to visit the GP and explain how terrified you get and discuss possibilities of therapy!

 

[coldethyl]

Great post Countrybumpkin. My husband also struggles with my health anxiety because he can't help, and because he can't fully understand why anyone normally rational can go so far off the spectrum of reason  when they get a twinge or strange symptom. His attitude is that you deal with things if they happen, and get checked out by doctor if you are concerned. Easy to say and do if you've not got health anxiety but hard when the voice in your head is screaming danger.
You say that you had CBT, JJ- did you cover health anxiety? There's a good book by David Veale on CBT for health anxiety which I've found useful. What is it about your health that matters so much - in my case I feel responsible for everyone and thing so have to be sure I'm ok( I hate uncertainty) -others are frightened of dying and death - you need to unpick what it is that is driven this obsessive worry and then work at telling yourself that it is just a story that your brain is churning out ad infinitum like Groundhog Day. You need to try and ignore it so that you and it get bored with it being there x

[countrybumpkin]

Knowing why you have health anxiety does not always help but it can do if the reason is about control etc. For me it was being exposed to severe illness and death at a very young age and no one explaining anything.  So my brain has a pathway like the pavlov dogs experiment that associates any ill health with death.  My rational brain knows this is wrong but my 5 year old brain doesn't! 
I have had endless therapy over the years from clinical psychology to cbt to hynotherapy and I learnt alot but ultimtely I am told the early experience cannot be removed.  I have found that age and a more fatalistic attitude have helped until I get a new symptom!

[CLKD]

Countrybumpkin - my phobia was started within hours of my being born so like you say, ingrained reactions followed me throughout …….. taking over at times.  I would shake so badly that the whole bed would shake    Logic flies out the window  .

What are the chances of pancreatic cancer ……… my phobia ruled my Life for years 24/7, I didn't worry about other diseases probably 'cos my brain didn't have space ………. so the chance of catching 'something' = illness was a constant 

 

[countrybumpkin]

This is my weeks example   Developed feelings of pressure in my face mainly one side and behind nose and up into forehead with ache in gums and around eyes.  Feels like a cold that won't come out, feel gunk running down back of nose into throat but nothing much down my nose itself. 
Rational mind says its probably some passing virus, as everyone seems to be ill with something, that is causing inflamed sinuses. I today found someone else who had exactly my symptoms over new year for a few weeks, she had to have a week off work.
The HA part of my brain has already diagnosed me with sinus cancer or a brain tumour!! 

[limpy]

I don't know where my pancreas is  …… and who 'says' that it is the worst cancer possible?  I know of worse!

CLKD - As a matter of interest which cancer would be worse than pancreatic cancer?

[CLKD]

Facial cancer  ………. fortunately very rare but messy.

Countrybumpkin - if I get heartburn in the early hours I think 'heart'.  I lay very still and wait ……… I can't even move in order to wake Himself, in case ……

I have allergic rhinitis (note to self, hoover the bedroom ) but the ulcer on the roof of my mouth must be cancer - except it's been there for 3/4 years  and doesn't get any larger.  It's the early hours when I'm worse …...

[SadLynda]

JJ - hoping you are feeling a little better now.  I have been there too, lucky for me the Setraline has helped me no end but maybe not you, some can feel worse on it - as said here sounds like you need a return visit to GP.  For me the AD helped the depression but not so much the anxiety so I have gone up to 100g now, only been a week so not cured by any means but I was singing in the car today and realised its been a long time since I did that.  Maybe you need to try a different AD?

Keep posting though, from personal experience it helps to know you are not alone, this site was a life saver for me.

Sending you hugs and hope you find some help soon

[jedigirl]

Justjules,
I understand you. I am struggling with a pain in my side, been for CA125 test today but can't settle for the what ifs😞
You need to see a GP and state yr worries, if only to be reassured . It will only play on yr mind until you do. Why don't you start a diary, it can be comforting to look back on how aches and pains come and go. I do think many are symptoms of menopause that we never really get to the bottom of. I believe my menopause all began with severe pains in my right ribs. It was so bad I thought I had pneumonia but nothing was found and it cleared weeks later. I now think it was a big drop in my oestrogen levels causing problems as a later x Ray showed undiagnosed cracked rib that had healed. HA is a horrible menopause symptom and you need help in whichever way helps you best xxx

[holidaylover]

JJ, I'm with you all the way with Health Anxiety. It is truly awful and can take over your  life.  No matter how folks try to reassure, I find that once I have one illness fixed in my brain, that's it.  My BIL died from pancreatic cancer in November, and I have to agree with Sparkle, it is a truly horrid disease, and particularly hard to diagnose.  You like me, obviously think of the worst case scenario, and Googling symptoms is such a dangerous thing to do.  The pain you have could be many things, bowel problems, gallstones, etc. (or absolutely nothing) but I would suggest, even if it's just to give you peace of mind, to get a doctors appointment, and tell him your fears.  The worry that makes your tummy flip all the time is horrid and I really hate myself at times for wasting so much of my life on my problems when I should be getting on and enjoying myself.   All the worry and anxiety just brings on so many other horrible symptoms.  Get it checked and have some peace of mind.
PS I am struggling at the minute with horrendous ****ly crawly legs (bloods, MRI all clear), but guess what, I back to thinking they have missed some awful progressive Neuro disease. I'm seeing doc in a couple of weeks to check this AGAIN!  I was given AD's a while back but haven't taken them, but what are the bets the doctor tells me to start them. 
Take care x

[Justjules]

Thanks for all your responses and again, sorry that it is a bit dramatic and may be more appropriate on a different forum but I was desperate. Not had any decent sleep since starting Sertraline either...seems to wake you at same time...around 5:00am and that's it, no more sleep so struggling. Had really rough 4 weeks now trying to accept awful side affects and still see no proper relief and don't want to keep upping dose. Everything is magnified 100% at that time of the morning and by the time I get up, I'm full of anxiety.

Coldethyl, I think my problem is having to be there for everyone else and carry on doing everything....therapist has said this and that no one is nurturing me. My main fear is leaving my youngest son without me as he is the most emotionally vulnerable of my kids, even though he is 28, he is my rock and I am his. 

I have been to a funeral today of all days...my friends elderly father. The vicar said he had had a long life and lived it to the full, and I thought I'm just the opposite and I am so very frustrated as I can't see an end to this awful fear of everything. My CBT was all about HA but I can't rationalise and so it won't work!!! Teresa, I don't know how you got to your stage but I would love to be there.

Thanks again all...I just want to go to bed and pull the covers over my head but then I will probably be awake even earlier.