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Menopause Matters magazine ISSUE 64 out now. (Summer issue, June2021)

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Author Topic: The Basis of Anxiety  (Read 12508 times)

GypsyRoseLee

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #45 on: April 11, 2015, 06:54:07 PM »

CLKD re: confused why you're feeling heightened anxiety when hearing about your friend's travel plans and watching 'Escape to the Country'. I bet your anxiety is heightened because you can't but imagine yourself in 'their' shoes e.g. going to a strange/new place and doing strange/new things etc. And when anxiety is simmering in the background, just the thought of being somewhere new and surrounded by unfamiliar things is pretty much guaranteed to bring the anxiety roaring to life.
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Sarai

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #46 on: April 12, 2015, 09:37:30 PM »

I have a long term back ground of anxiety. Started as a kid, scared at night, no parental support. Crying not allowed, ever. Even when I broke my arm. Then as a teenager scared to go to sleep, used to sit up, curtains open looking out at lights on the hill beyond. Lost both grandmas and dad left due to an affair all the year I was 16. Mother couldn't help me, just had to cope herself.
Had PND with DD, yet happy while pregnant. Had PND with DS perfectly content while having difficult pregnancy, no fear at all. morning anxiety kicked in then. Later pregnancy losses, but no crippling anxiety, but great sadness. Then had PND with DD again. Consultant planned to give progestagen injections, but after first one my throat swelled up so that was abandoned. Hence PND kicked in. Cue antidepressants yet again, there I languished happyish for 14 years then I decided to come off them. But after 6 months I would have happily died so I went back on. I've been fine the last 4 years until I had 3 month cancer scare, surgery, then I find an allergic reaction to vitamin D. I know hormones are all over the place, periods all over the place, hot flashes, tingling but worse by far now is crippling anxiety. So much so I'm a shadow of the woman 3 months ago. I'm letting my family down as I am too scared to go abroad. I'm can't imagine not being in my bed right now. I get spooked in my own lounge. I feel like I've been haunted. Impossible to explain to those who have not had it. I hate it so much. I just want me back right now.
« Last Edit: April 12, 2015, 09:40:58 PM by Sarai »
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CLKD

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #47 on: April 13, 2015, 12:00:36 PM »

GRLee - probably right, the moment I read her message about going abroad my anxiety kicked in.

Sorry for your news Sparkle - shock can cause all kinds of internal problems  :(

Sarai - having to cope alone is OK until large problems arise!
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!

GypsyRoseLee

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #48 on: April 13, 2015, 06:25:15 PM »

Hi Sparkle. Money worries are evil aren't they? You assume that you're dealing with it because you're still plodding on, but underneath your sense of well being is being eroded by the day.

We had to suffer a big drop in living standards which was a bitter pill to swallow. Luckily our marriage is strong but it's hard when you have to count and justify every penny spent, especially when you've been used to a few luxuries. But actually I adapted quite well. I think the real damage only started when my husband stopped being Mr Positive and became withdrawn and stressed. He stopped reassuring me that everything would be alright and just kept listing everything that was wrong. He stopped making plans. Stopped being pro active. Not like him at all.

Seeing him so changed and 'reduced' for want of a better term really, really frightened me. I think it was then that my anxiety started and was just exacerbated by my hormones playing silly buggers. I honestly believe that prolonged exposure to extreme stress can change your hormonal make-up. My cousin's eldest child nearly died several times as a baby due to a medical condition. She was under immense stress and worry for 4 years. She then went through the menopause only in her late twenties. I don't think this was coincidence? Obviously she was probably genetically pre-disposed to an early menopause. But at only 28?

With everything that life threw at you (and I am very sorry to hear of your sister, what a horrible shock) it's no wonder that your hormones tipped you over the edge. Does the HRT help you with your anxiety at all?

I know exactly what you mean about feeling you can't cope with anything unexpected anymore. I'm just the same. I only want what is familiar and 'safe'. I feel I have lost most of my verve and am a pale shadow of how I used to be. I still feel flickers of the old me, which is lovely, so I hope that HRT will help me find my way back to that person again.

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honeybun

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #49 on: April 13, 2015, 06:32:18 PM »

Maybe on a little positive note. My mother had a troublesome menopause and was dreadful with what used to be called nerves. There were so many places she would not go and so many things she would not/could not do. Even I remember and I was little as she had started her meno three years after I was born.
In her early 60s she really improved a lot. She took up new hobbies, went dancing, got married again after my dad had died.
I have asked her what happened....she says there was no big turning point but little but little she just improved.

So ladies, there is hope, it will get better.......keep going.....and that includes me.

Oh and for those that don't know....my mother is now nearly 93.....and an old b****r  ;D


Honeybun
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GypsyRoseLee

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #50 on: April 13, 2015, 06:32:31 PM »

Sarai you have my every sympathy. You have really been through the mill. It's clear that your hormones are your own worst enemies.

I totally get how you were frightened to sleep, and used to sit upright watching the lights outside on the hill. When I am 'bad' I get frightened at the thought of sleeping and get a bit obsessed about having lots of lights on. I think it's because I basically feel very scared (for no rational reason) and need to feel there are people around me, and that normal life is going on. Having lots of lights on reassures me. I HATE it getting dark outside. Or going into rooms with no lights on.

I can also feel spooked in my own house. And I hate the thought of not being in my own bed. I just want to feel safe and secure and surround myself with everything that is familiar. Irrational, but there you go.

Have you read Professor John Studd's website? With all your issues of PMS and PND I think you will recognise yourself in several of his case studies. You probably suffer from HORMNAL depression/anxiety which is very different to conventional depression/anxiety.
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GypsyRoseLee

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #51 on: April 13, 2015, 06:39:42 PM »

That's reassuring to read honeybun  :)

Had your Mum suffered with her nerves prior to menopause do you know?

My Mum suffered terribly with her 'nerves' from about 38. Started out of the blue really. She would suddenly panic and have to immediately leave the restaurant/shop etc. And I can vaguely remember her often spending several days in bed for no apparent reason. But then she had a hysterectomy (fibroids) at 43 and was put on HRT. She improved within a month. Was like a different person.

So there IS hope. I love to hear stories of people who have recovered from anxiety/meno issues. I find it very reassuring.
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honeybun

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #52 on: April 13, 2015, 06:49:54 PM »

No, no problems with her nerves at all until meno. She never made the connection until we spoke of it a few years ago. She is very vague now at 92.
My sister who is almost 14 years older than me remembers a very different mother.
She was almost but not quite agoraphobic. My dad did the shopping for her for a good few years.

My dad died when I was 19. Mum was 56 and she kind of fell apart for a while....well quite a long while and I took on the role as the one who cared for her. She then met.....(at the cemetery of all places) a man who became her second husband. He encouraged her out of the house.....and then the confidence came and she was a different person as the anxiety that had dogged her for years just ebbed away.

There really is hope.


Honeybun
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CLKD

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #53 on: April 13, 2015, 08:57:34 PM »

I had such bad nightmares for a while in the 1990s that I was afraid to go to sleep.  I also have evenings when alone when I suddenly find myself dashing around, checking doors/windows are locked and closing curtains …… I've even been known to shove a chair under the door handles  ::) - the feeling is very intense and usually happens when I'm tired. 
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!

babyjane

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #54 on: April 14, 2015, 10:24:34 AM »

I only just found this thread.  thank you for all the posts here.  Once again I can stop thinking that I am unusual or odd, well at least for a little while.
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CLKD

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #55 on: April 14, 2015, 12:18:31 PM »

 ;D  All the World is strange, except you and me: and even you're a little bit  ;)

Anxeity background this morning.  Been shopping.  So no more pressure for the day - hopefully it will ease.
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!

dazned

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #56 on: April 14, 2015, 01:39:09 PM »

CLKD big hugs from  8) Cyprus chin up .
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One day we will look back and laugh !

CLKD

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #57 on: April 14, 2015, 02:02:14 PM »

 :thankyou:  how are you 'over there' - soaking up the sun probably  ;)

Anxiety going …….. as the day goes by.
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!

dazned

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #58 on: April 14, 2015, 02:54:29 PM »

Yes we are! Had a bit of a wobbly day yesterday with bad headaches but good today,think I didn't hydrate properly  :-\
Hope you continue to improve today .
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One day we will look back and laugh !

GypsyRoseLee

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Re: The Basis of Anxiety
« Reply #59 on: April 14, 2015, 05:40:38 PM »

Hi Honeybun. Coincidentally my Mum never connected her sudden attack of 'nerves' with her hormones. And never connected her subsequent hysterectomy + HRT with suddenly feeling much better.

It was only when I started describing my symptoms of anxiety and low mood that she remembered that she had felt exactly the same. Just as suddenly and for no reason, when she was in her early 40s. And then she stared remembering how her Mum had also 'suffered with her nerves' in her mid 40s. My grandma would go for days not really speaking. Agrophobic. Irrational crying. She'd been very outgoing before this.

Funny how there's a genetic link?
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