Thank you all so much once again for your extremely helpful and supportive posts.
I realise I haven't answered some questions put to me in them, so here goes -
Honor does gymanstics and Stagecoach (3 hours of drama, singing and dance) as well as dance club at school each week. She loves drama and is good at it - she has already passed LAMDA exams in poetry and prose and acting.

Somehow, she can memorise whole plays...but can't remember to brush her teeth.

We have cats,dogs and chickens at home and she loves animals, but can be very persistant with the cats when hyper...She has the scars to prove it!
I have had a friend over today who works as an early years advisor and she suggested a visual timetable as a way of getting Honor to do what she needs to do to get ready for school in the mornings. Also, a starry sky reward chart for every member of the family, in order to lift the mood here - so, a piece of black paper for each of us, to which stars are added for anything positive, eg Honor came in from school smiling, instead of complaining - star! Daddy was patient when we didn't do what he asked first time - star! When we've reached a pre-agreed number of stars in total, we choose a family treat, eg dinner out, trip to the cinema etc. Anyone can add stars for someone else, no stars can be removed.
I am going to contact the new school's SENCO to arrange a meeting, and try to find support groups locally. I've also got some specific parenting books out of the library.
I feel better just by trying to find new coping strategies.