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[Ju Ju]

Your feelings are in response to your thoughts. Fear of the future? Fear of pain? Fear of dying? It is easier when you have no choice, then you are swept along by events and just have to get through it. Having a choice, particularly as you are feeling relatively ok at the moment, is so difficult. Do you discuss how you feel with your husband? What are his thoughts? Does he come to appointments with you, so he has the full picture and has the opportunity to ask his own questions? I know he can't make the decision for you, but he might be able to allay periphery fears. Ju Ju xx

[Hurdity]

Hi groundhog - I can't really help with your dilemma and decision but just to give you a 

Hurdity xx

[groundhog]

Yes CLKD - emergency surgery is the last thing I need. 
There are 2 surgeons - one bowel and gynae but they sort of agree that I need surgery.  One is Chinese, very straight and to the point.  The other one is rather dishy and really understanding.  My husband does come with me and he is as unsure as I am.  But he is obviously more rational and reassures me about my worst fears.  It would affect him too as it will be a long recovery and goodness know what I will be like post surgery - I could be great as ATM I have a piece of diseased bowel that is ulcerated and horrid which must be dragging me down.  But I could be worse.
Ladies - thank you for allowing me to unload all of this.  I don't think there is an answer as even if one of you lovely ladies had had the same op the outcome could be different.  I am a member of the Ileostomy forum and some people have the rectum removed and are back in work in 6 weeks - some you never hear from again! 
Worrying and overthinking is exhausting isn't it.  Thanks all xxxxx

[CLKD]

So get the wedding over with first - all the excitement will raise your adrenaline which may mean your brain and feelings will be clearer!

[groundhog]

Hello all - just bumping this up as decision has been made.  I went to see the bowel surgeon last week as I feel this dilemma is doing my head in.  I have become depressed and to be honest a horrible moany beast!!  Not always, but at times.  As you all know the situation is I need preventative surgery - I have longstanding chrons in my bottom which is at increased cancer risk plus I have long standing gynae probs which have left lots of scars and question marks as to what is going on inside.  Every test I have results I questions and queries.  I can't seem to live with the thought of doing nothing and hope nothing nasty develops but I am equally terrified of the surgery.  But having spoken to the surgeon last week he feels I need to get this out - he said it may never become a serious problem but if it did,  because of my history,  they may not be able to remove it.

I'm only posting this now as the lovely Ju Ju mentioned it when I was banging on about my flaming table - have to pick kids up so will post more later,  thanks for still listening ladies xxxx

[Ju Ju]

Peace of mind now you have made your decision?. I hope so. I'm sure it is the right thing to do. It's not not knowing which way to go that tears you apart. Love Ju Juxx

[CLKD]

So pleased that your Consultant has suggested what you really knew you ought to do.  If he feels confident and of course, as a non emergency he will have more time to explore, investigate and perform what is required ………… how long do you need to wait for an appt.?  Make a list of queries to take when you go for your pre-op check?  You can also have a chat with the anaesthetist before surgery too - I wrote to the 1 before surgery and she rang me, twice so that we knew what my worries were.

[Limpy]

Hope you feel happier in yourself now the decision has been made.
Also, you will HAVE to take things more easily and not go running around after people.
Best let those affected know, they know who they are..............

[CLKD]

Oh don't let them know too early  or they might try to put doubts in your mind …….. tell them 2 days before …………..

[carrs]

Just been reading this thread and I can see it has been a very difficult time trying to decide, as I think your previous operations were mostly emergency ones. Indecision and rumination is so draining and depressing. You may well recover more quickly this time as you will be more fit for surgery. Best wishes for the next few months.

[Dancinggirl]

Sometimes we just need the medical profession to tell what to do for the best.
Groundhog - I'm pleased you have had help in making your decision and I hope you will now be able to be positive about having the operation and it will give you a new lease on life.   DG xxxxxx

[Limpy]

Oh don't let them know too early  or they might try to put doubts in your mind …….. tell them 2 days before …………..

CLKD suspect you are correct - I hadn't thought of that

Groundhog - Do you want us to come and stick up for you when needed?
Failing that, we can send supportive thoughts if and when needed, just let us know.

[CLKD]

I no longer tell anyone if we have to go to Hospital until absolutely necessary.  I would rather deal with our feelings and can't take on theirs as well ……..  also, what's it to do with anyone else other than OH/GP/Consultant?

[Limpy]

CLKD - Yes, but what if one needs help with pets, house, garden - whatever?

[groundhog]

Thank you all again for your responses.
yes I am ok with the decision but not sure about peace of mind -I'm still worried of course but it's more than that.  I have moments I really believe I will die during surgery.  I know that sounds dramatic but as I have said I have spent the last 20 years having conservative surgery for abdo problems as the consultant didn't want to operate on me 'as my insides are a dangerous mess '.  He frightened me and the fear remains.  So when I am feeling ok and think I'm just going to get this done and get in with my life, I'm fine.  But other times im not.  I don't have a choice though as it has made me quite ill with worry. 
I am trying to be kind to myself and really must lose some weight.  I have told some close family of my decision and I think they are just glad I've decided to have it.  They are all very supportive and assure me they will cope ok.  I've told my mothers social worker I will not be able to go to her house every night to give the sleeping tablet and we need an extra visit from the carers.   I'm trying not too google the operation as there are some major horror stories out there.  So I've got a few months yet before the event and I thank you again for your support xxx