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Author Topic: Adult Children and House Keys.  (Read 18301 times)

catlady

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Adult Children and House Keys.
« on: November 05, 2013, 09:34:23 AM »

Hi Ladies.
I just thought I would ask your opinion on this.... My adult children have both left home but they
have never given me my house keys back!   So they just turn up and walk straight in, I feel I have no privacy.  :-\

I am looking to move hopefully in the not too distance future, I have said I won't be giving either of them a key but my son says he must have one in case of an emergency and needs to get in quickly.
I can see the sense in this but I do like my privacy.  ::)
What is your opinions on this ?   Do your adult children that have left home still have a key to your home ?

Ann x
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honeybun

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Re: Adult Children and House Keys.
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2013, 09:49:29 AM »

My eldest,although now living back at home, lived away for a year or so. He had a key. I did not find it a problem at all. It's still his home too. I also had a key to his flat.
I also have always had a key to my mum's house now necessary because she is 91.
I think your children should have a key for emergencies but you could come to an arrangement that they should knock before they come in.
We are all different, but I can't imagine the day that I would have to answer the door to one of my children. I don't even knock at my sister's door, I just breeze in shouting .....It's meeeee, she does the same at my house.

They may find it hurtful that you don't want them to have a key but I am sure you can work something out that suits all.


Honeyb
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CLKD

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Re: Adult Children and House Keys.
« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2013, 10:02:22 AM »

I have a key to my Mum's house but have to ring first! Even if she is likely to be out and about when we arrive, she would be boiling mad if we let ourselves in without 'permission'.   It is HER home.  We are guests.  We have moved out therefore she will have made her own life.  Privacy is very important to me so we never have had people walking in and out ..........
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littleminnie

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Re: Adult Children and House Keys.
« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2013, 10:39:34 AM »

My eldest doesn't only turn up, he raids the cupboards too.
I don't mind really.
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Scampi

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Re: Adult Children and House Keys.
« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2013, 10:41:17 AM »

I have a key for my Mum's (need one - she's housebound).  I knock when I arrive, but I just walk in once I've knocked.  Hubby knocks and walks in at his mum's (I knock and wait for her to open the door).  Our daughter still lives at home, so it's not an issue, but once she does move out I would expect her to knock, then come in.  Our next-door neighbour's children used to knock and walk in - it was far easier than answering the door to the three of them coming and going all the time (our daughter did the same at their house too - basically, between the 2 houses we had 4 children - a casual observer would have struggled to work out which actually belonged where, even early in the morning when they were all in their pjs!!).

Whilst I agree that your children need a key for your house in case of emergenies, they should not be just walking in if you don't want them to.  Sit them down and explain that, as welcome as they are in your home, it is YOUR home and you expect them to treat it as such - and wait to be invited in.
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CLKD

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Re: Adult Children and House Keys.
« Reply #5 on: November 05, 2013, 12:26:52 PM »

Interesting topic.  We would never have turned up un-announced and we have been together before mobile phones.  When there was an emergency at my parents' house whilst they were away in 1972, we got on with clearing up and they got the news on their return home  ::)

Also ask how they would feel if someone walked into their property un-invited.  When we were first married it was annoying to get out of bed to find out who had walked in  ;) so within a short time we began locking doors and have done so since. 
« Last Edit: November 05, 2013, 02:11:50 PM by CLKD »
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Joyce

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Re: Adult Children and House Keys.
« Reply #6 on: November 05, 2013, 12:36:59 PM »

I so love it when son &  his GF pop by unannounced!  Daughter doesn't have key as she lives too far away now. But if she was nearer she'd get a key. I'd never dream of taking key off son, it's still where he was brought up. I do lock my door during the day though, as don't want just anyone popping in.
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Ju Ju

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Re: Adult Children and House Keys.
« Reply #7 on: November 05, 2013, 02:00:45 PM »

My daughter has a door key. I have never thought about it before, perhaps because there has never been a problem. She has always been considerate. Perhaps putting in some ground rules, but first tell them how much you love them and how much you love seeing them. Ask them to at least knock or ring before they come over. I have keys to my parent's house, but only keep them for emergencies. Failing that tell your children your children you have taken to walking around naked and wouldn't want to embarrass them!!

                                                                                    :bounci:
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honeybun

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Re: Adult Children and House Keys.
« Reply #8 on: November 05, 2013, 03:08:32 PM »

I seem to feel differently about it. I don't want my kids to think they have to ring or knock. I just want them to walk in whether I am here or not. Beginning to wonder if I am strange  ;D
Well nothing new there then.

We are a very close little family though.


Honeyb
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Greyhoundgal

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Re: Adult Children and House Keys.
« Reply #9 on: November 05, 2013, 03:37:32 PM »

My son still has his old house key - he hardly ever turns up unannounced though.  It's useful if he gets to ours and we're out with the dogs or something, at least he can let himself in (and raid the larder ;)).
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Pennyfarthing

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Re: Adult Children and House Keys.
« Reply #10 on: November 05, 2013, 04:02:16 PM »

My adult son still has a housekey and I never thought to ask for it back.  He lives about 4 hrs drive away and when he arrives for a weekend doesn't get here until very late.  He just lets himself in.  Likewise he's kind enough to come and house/dog sit when we go on hol so he needs his key then.
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Milliemoo7

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Re: Adult Children and House Keys.
« Reply #11 on: November 05, 2013, 04:31:21 PM »

My children have keys and let themselves in but I always know when they are visiting. I wouldnt be happy if they turned up suddenly and I didnt know.  It would scare me half to death if somebody just appeared in the house  ;D, not to mention the embarrassment factor if one were engaged in romantic entanglement with the OH at the time  :o ;)
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Hurdity

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Re: Adult Children and House Keys.
« Reply #12 on: November 05, 2013, 04:40:47 PM »

I have no idea whether any of my children still have keys or not! In fact we have lost the odd key to one door (old fashioned turn-key lock). However they all live away and we are rural - (well one is at university so hasn't really left, and the next one up has only just moved out after finishing university), so I would always know if they were coming - well at least approximately. If the ones closest by ( about 60 miles away) turned up unannounced they would just walk in and I would be surprised if they didn't. However they are all still quite young - 20 - 28 and we wouldn't be likely to be up to anything anyway especially in the day. Living in the village our neighbours just walk in and shout hallo as we do to them so if we definitely wanted privacy in the day (as cubagirl) we would lock the door. This has never happened though - maybe because we have  not yet reclaimed the house as our own. Half their clobber is still here though as they can't afford anywhere sizeable anough to take all their possessions!

Hurdity x
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Taz2

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Re: Adult Children and House Keys.
« Reply #13 on: November 05, 2013, 05:49:03 PM »

Mine definitely still have door keys and I would hate to think that they didn't! If they are in the neighbourhood and I'm out I like the thought that they can just call in and mooch around for a while but I always ask them to leave a note to say they've been so that I know I haven't had a hungry burglar. They call in when I'm there too just as they did when it was their home. I had a key to my mum and dad's house even though by the time they died I had not lived there for 30 years. To me it was always my home.

If they walked in at a "wrong" moment then that's their fault for not ringing the bell. Mind you I have keys to their house too and I do knock and wait but, then again, their house has never been my home.

Taz x
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catlady

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Re: Adult Children and House Keys.
« Reply #14 on: November 05, 2013, 06:23:33 PM »

When I left home I had to give my house key back,  but the back door was always open during the day
so I just used to walk in,  but my mum always knew when I was coming beforehand.

Iv'e always told my son & daughter that the door is always open if they ever need to come back
but now they both have homes of their own I feel this is MY home again.
I always ring to let them know if I want to visit, then I have to knock and wait to be let in. ::)

My two just turn up out of the blue,  daughter lives 10 mins away and son 30 mins away though
he works funny hours so I never know when his days off are or when he is likely to call.  It does make me feel on edge if I want a shower later in the day as someone could get a shock if I was to walk about with no clothes on.  ;D

Thanks for the replies girls.   :)
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