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[Dyan]

Happy belated Birthday CLKD
 

Only just seen this thread

[CLKD]

A whole week ago - I was trying to enjoy my Big Day but in the back of my mind, as always, was C.mas     ...  now that is over, I can actually enjoy feeling 60!

[purplenanny]

make the most of it and enjoy being 60 - it will only happen once! Congratulations CLKD. PN x x

[CLKD]

   PN - did you celebrate?

However: talking with DH a`bout who we had seen, what gifts we had been given whilst on our brisk walk today, it was noticeable that my sister gave me a gift - a small bar of soap  ...... for my 60th Birthday .......... how on Earth can I send a 'thank  you' note for that!!!!  and rather than sending it directly she left it with our Mum ............ so I didn't open ituntil C.mas Eve 

[Ju Ju]

Dear CLKD,

I hope you had a great time. Shame about your sister and I'm sure you feel hurt, but she will be hurting a lot more. She must be in a pretty bad place to behave in such a way. If she was in a good place, she wouldn't dream of behaving badly. Enjoy your 60s. I will be catching up with you in 3 months time. Ju Ju xx   

[purplenanny]

Oh that's awful CLKD! What a heartless deed, shame on her. Move on from it - don't let it bother you (hard I know).
My sister bought me a cake baking tin (rubbery thing) for Christmas and some white dusters!! Now I like cleaning, but please!
No, I didn't celebrate my Birthday, I was in too much pain. I was 58, so will save it until I am 60!!
PN x x

[CLKD]

I don't get on with those rubbery baking tin thingies, they flop around even when the food is cooked!  and what are dusters ? 

My sister pleads poverty.  Money goes through her fingers like water off a duck's back.  She has 2 sons, one is working when he can, the other slumming it in a 'college' somewhere ....... but still has a girlfriend and goes Clubbing ......... I didn't let it bother me when I opened the package but got to thinking during today    ....... so DH and I have decided that I will send a card to my sister and her husband for thier birthdays and a small cheque to my nephews as necessary. 

Like Mum she has narcissistic tendancies ........... so telling her will give me a shrug of the shoulders like: 'so what' ..........

[purplenanny]

Ha ha! I do actually love cleaning (I know - I am mad!!) but am happy to buy my own cleaning materials! I also use to bake for a local market so have all the necessary tins, etc!  Of all the lovely things out there!!

You have made good plans for the future Birthdays.

Having a Birthday at Christmas does cause problems - I really wish I had mine in summer!! PN x x

[CLKD]

OH I tried that too  ………… decided to have my 50th over August Bank Holiday weekend but DH's brother didn't want to come over on 'the busy roads' so DH and I spent it alone; together ………… by that time my Dad was critically ill and his mother couldn't come if his brother didn't bring her 

[honeybun]

It's the thought that counts CLKD 

Do you keep contact with your nephews. I have stopped giving gifts to family members that don't keep in touch even when I try to. If they can't be bothered during the year then why think they would get a gift at Xmas. It makes the whole thing meaningless.

Makes sense to me.


Honeyb
x

[CLKD]

Ah - my reply didn't stick!  It is no longer 'the thought that counts' - my birthday doesn't suddenly appear so thought can go into what to buy me well in advance  .  However ill I have been int he 1990s all my family got appropriate presents and cards, Ishopped a lot via catalogue when housebound.  I never moaned, never made excuses, got on with it. 

My nephews keep in touch via their mother.  I told her several years ago that they are 'big boys now' and should at least be able to send separate gifts/cards directly, I don't think they are even aware what their mother puts their names to  .  At least her younest will reply to texts if I send one.

I am past the age of accepting crap gifts! If she can't put more thought into them then don't bother, but I've written to say we are no longer buying presents.  I won't battle against the narcassism any longer!

[Limpy]

CLKD - Is your sister hard up, perhaps that explains the bar of soap?

[CLKD]

Money has always gone through my sister's fingers like water off a duck's back  …… and Mum usually baled her out and when I did lend her money, it was Mum that paid me back.  So my sister has always 'got away with it' and never bothered to safe money because ………. whereas I love saving towards specifics  I get a sense of achievement.

My sister has pleaded poverty for years.  But her Life-style says otherwise.  I picked up a credit card statement over 20 years ago and the amount owed was HUGE even for those days  ………… so I decided to support her children when possible ………..

However: my birthday doesn't suddenly arrive.  However ill or lacking in money over the years my family have had thought out presents because I buy throughout the year.  So I have a box of 'ready gifts and cards'  …….. the bar of soap was one of 3, one of which was in my Mum's C.mas box ………..

[Hurdity]

Have only just caught up with this and very belated    and  on reaching 60.

Welcome to the club!!!

Not sure about enjoying being 60 - I certainly don't - but have got used to that old sounding number, although I am now determined to do everything I possibly can and have fun over the next 10 years at least while I am still fit (and while my husband still is, as he was 68 on Xmas Eve....)

As for your sister. I agree with honeybun it is the thought that counts - but it sounds like there was a distinct lack of thought on her (your sister's) part in giving a bar of soap, rather than a lack of money spent. No-one expects an expensive gift but I would agree you don't need to spend money to put some thought into a present. In my family we have always encouraged people to make things and make cards which is more important than an expensive thing - so perhaps you are not on warm terms with your sister that she does not put effort into a special family event like yours, and make you a lovely card or a little something. My daughter earns very little but this Christmas, for her brothers made some choccie sweets, and other culinary goodies and tied them up beautifully in a sort-of cellophane hamper.

Not everyone feels the same though so if she has never been like this you can't make her behave as you do ( ie choose gifts thoughtfully however you are feeling) but does it need to be reciprocated? Can you not still give your sister gifts that you would like her to have irrespective of what she does in return? Having said that we do have agreements between me and some of my less immediate family (siblings, mother) about what we will give eg we do the Oxfam thing - or rather choose a charity which we get people to give to, and then just give a small token gift (like soap!! or chocs) to open.

Hurdity x

[Limpy]

I suppose the thing is just because we have blood links doesn't mean we have to like or get on with our relatives.
But it's a shame she couldn't have put a bit more thought into your birthday.

Never mind, plenty of virtual pressies here