Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: bramble on October 14, 2010, 10:26:09 AM
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You have to continue the story using just three words.
Long long ago
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there was a
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David Cameron said - oops, not really what you meant!
when i was..
Eddie. x
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" a lovely lady"
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a make-up specialist
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i loved to
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discuss new ways
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about how to
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give the impression
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I was younger
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then one day
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went to plastic-surgeon
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who was gorgeous ::)
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and who claimed
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that he could
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change my life...
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if I only
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considered marrying him
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Says that to every woman [sorry that's 5 ::) ]
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But first of all
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I need wooing .......
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With a big
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:meltdown: :vibe: [and] music
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But before that
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I needa shower.
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And then we
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could maybe just
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If your lucky
(we are taking this along the sex route ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D )
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and you're willing
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and i'm able
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Go for a .................
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walk along the
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long, winding road
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and maybe could
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buy some chips.
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and mushy peas
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and then we
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could go back
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and undress slowly
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because we're old
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and rub some..................
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coconut oil onto
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the squeaky door
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so that we
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sleep really sound
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;D
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after we had
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Um, Hot chocolate
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we used the oil (sorry - 4!)
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in a lamp
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so that we
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could see ourselves
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in the shadows ;)
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not too bright
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as we enter
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the 4-poster bed .......
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but then he ....
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changed his mind
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and said you...
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forgot the viagra
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but what's this
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surely it's not
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my long lost
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socks, under the
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bra you're wearing
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Now I know
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your little secret
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and it all
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looked so innocent
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I cant believe
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this has happened
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I thought that
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you were acting
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in a strange
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but interesting way
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No problem there
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because I discovered
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some useful gadgets
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which could help
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bake a cake.
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Also were useful
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for storing eggs
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fried, sunny-side up
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But, then I
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a strange thing
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appeared, it was
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wrapped in silk
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a beautiful pearl
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earring with a
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bottle of champagne :drunk:
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with one glass ........ ???
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and a straw
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It had to
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be the best
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unexpected surprise ever
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especially seeing that
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he was skint
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and i am
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very rich and
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recently widowed, but
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looking for something..
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to cure sweats ( ;D )
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so maybe a
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[a] champagne plunge pool
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or a long
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icy cold shower
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with warm towel
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and a huge
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cream cake, with
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chocolate and strawberries
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followed by a
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massage with a
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lovely, lovely, lovely
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Hunk of muscular ::)
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organ-ically grown coconut
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:rofl:
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;)
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hairy, round coconuts....
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preferably not old
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..withered and grey...
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about the size
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of 2 peaches
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from a tin
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left behind by
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the last tenant
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who fled the
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country to avoid
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eating the peaches
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as they made
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up a small
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model aeroplane that
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was supposed to
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remove those peaches ???
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and replace them
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with unshelled conkers
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ovenbaked till hard
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on a string
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aim and hope
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this rain stops
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or else the
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sun comes out
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from behind the
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old oak tree
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in front of
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the haunted house
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where someone still
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mows the lawn
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semi naked with
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with white socks
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and a smile
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from ear to
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ear, and then
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the heavens opened
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and we just
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fell about laughing
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about our soggy
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sandwiches, he said
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it's gone floppy
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from lack of
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sunlight, Viagra and
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a good tumble
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in the sack
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of Ayrshire potatoes
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covered with thick
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brown mud and
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high heeled boots
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with scuffed toes
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caused by rubbing
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against the ground
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whilst helping him
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hide from hubby
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who was inside
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having a pint
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or two with
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his large dog
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who snarled ferociously
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when he saw
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my gorgeous plastic-surgeon
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that's cheating, be patient ;)
stripping down to
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well, I never
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his stripy boxers
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were wrapped round
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the stunning chandelier
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in entrance hall
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exposing his plastic
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surgeons fabulous physique
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to the Mayor
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who was dancing
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on the roof
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with a Fiddler
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who was only
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a little bit
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over the limit
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dressed in a
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tutu that had
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been washed specially
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in luminous dye
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to compliment his
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frilly shirt and
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spandex jeans and
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Gold medallion chain.
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Fresh snow means
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children playing out
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and building snowmen
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and throwing snowballs
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wearing thick, warm
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hats and coats
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and jazzy wellies
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with flowers on
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or wellipets ::) but
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is that Rupert - lurking ???
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Who? The bear?
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he looks so
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soft and fluffy
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with his tartan
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kilt ;) and oh
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what's underneath it?
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why it's Willy (in the Rupert stories there's a mouse called Willy.. so I'm not being rude - honest ;D)
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he's hiding from
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Bill Badger who
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has chased him
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Badgers like mice
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so Tiger Lily
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picked him up
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and kissed his...
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little pink nose
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making Willy blush
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because he secretly
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thought he was
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madly in love
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with the gorgeous
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Tiger, but she
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Was in love
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with the handsome
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that protected the
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big Welsh castle
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where only the
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hardiest could survive
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on bread and
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without watching rugby
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or the footie
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with no women
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doing the chores
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you should see
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the state of
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bathroom and kitchen
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it would make
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Larky's cleaner smile
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because he?/she only
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cleans clean houses
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with wet wipes
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dressed as a
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Chippendale wearing bowtie
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and a thong
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and polishes his
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organ - again, but
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he doesn't notice
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he's being watched
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by Larky's cctv
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positioned on lamppost
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;D ;D ;D
and recorded for
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her jollies and
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the amusement of
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the not so
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prudish family members
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watching redtube secretly
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Then there came
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the biggest surprise
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you can imagine
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His pvc apron
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was covered in
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warm chocolate sauce
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which dripped onto
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his hairy toes
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making them look
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as if they
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were a bear's
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he hates chocolate
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must be mad :P
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but loves chorizo
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with golden syrup
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sounds strange but
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he gets cravings !
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menopausal you see
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Its his hormones ;D :-\
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or lack of
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which causes him
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to experience shrinking
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in the parts
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so much that
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he can't seem
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to find anything
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"revenge" yelled Suzi
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now you know
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where to find
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The hunny monster
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under the bed
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high on steroids
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and hiding from
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the coconut oil
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to smoother onto
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the marzipan monster
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who was bad
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tempered about his
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Mum's Christmas cake
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what in October ? !
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baking it early
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sprouts boiling too
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but not together
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why not ?..lovely !
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setting my mousetrap
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with salami pieces
Honest cheese never worked ;D
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they've expensive tastes
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nah, chip butty
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with tomato ketchup
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later he's tired
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and dreams of ?
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a nice cool
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glass of chardonnay
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with pickled onions
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and cheese sticks
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and pickled eggs
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he awoke to
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find that it
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made him sick
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to think that
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all this gas
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came from him
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But, hang on
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could it be
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used to power
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his hairdryer or
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his spaceship to
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Mars, where men
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really come from !
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unlike us ladies,
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who float gently
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down from Venus
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seductive and sexily
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carefully holding their
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wotnots and their
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wooden rolling pins
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which they used
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for making gingerbread-men
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and apple pie
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such exquisite cuisine
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to tantalise with
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raspberry flavoured condoms
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and spray cream
OOOoops sorry - lowering the tone !
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which they applied
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for at the
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local Post Office
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First Class Post
( ;D)
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but when the
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application proved difficult
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they abandoned it
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leaving it in
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the posties big
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hat. Then he
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surprised us all
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by dropping it
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in the ocean
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it bobbed around
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like a Mersey
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In New Brighton
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then washed up
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across the sea
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where it lay
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like a jellyfish
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moist and flaccid
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white and floppy
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just waiting for
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me to sting
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left to dry
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the posties bag
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was very full
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and very heavy
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which surprised me
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as it's tiny
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but had expanded
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into the biggest
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shiniest and purple
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handbag you have
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ever kept your
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falsies in, also
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your spare knickers
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and a rabbit
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with floppy ears ;D
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no good for
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when you find
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you've lost your
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new mobile phone
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down the bog
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ha ha ha!
fishing it out
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needs a flexible
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man with hook
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and a big
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strong, rigid tool
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which was very
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difficult to manoeuvre
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round the U-bend
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:clapping: :clapping: :clapping:
So he tried
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but the hook
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got stuck on
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way down the
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road to pub
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and back again.......
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feeling very happy
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hic hic hic,
but got lost
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and so tired
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that he dropped
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down a hole
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in the tree
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which was next
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to the bush
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by the shed
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full of chucks
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and some strange
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looking guy who
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was carrying an
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envelope full of
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used £5.00 notes
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Ooohh, an opportunity
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to get a
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new toy! :vibe:
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So he travelled
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to his local
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Ann Summers shop
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where he bought
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a new toy :vibe: tee hee
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to use with
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a good friend :o ;D
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who was waiting
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In the car
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at the airport
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for the package
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until the police
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exposed the contents
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soggy but still
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clearly visible to
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those interested in
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very pretty packaging
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and darling ribbons
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all hanging down
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but dead batteries
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obviously not duracell
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how very disappointing
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shops shut Sundays
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Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
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Thursdays child is..
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full of woe?
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Far to Go !
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yes, that's right
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Loves its MUM
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so visits her
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in the north
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or southwest depending
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on the weather
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because the sun
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forgets to shine
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and its cold
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which is just
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an absolute nuisance
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when it's rainy
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without any protection
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Buy and Umbrella
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move somewhere warmer
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preferably the Caribbean
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oh just imagine
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lovely warm sunshine
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warm golden sand
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huge mosquito bite's
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itchy ****ly heat
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ice cold lemonade
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loads of flushes
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a royal flush?
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or maybe a
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Very Funny Fanny
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( ;D ;D ;D Suzy!)
Hot sweaty nights
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under palm trees
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cool breezes blowing
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huge waves crashing
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washing the bag
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someone must have
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dropped by accident
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in a huge
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hole by the
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Earth's crust and
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hard black sand
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and a lovely
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Handsome Hunky chap
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in a loincloth
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who was bonkers
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enjoyed Pina Colada's
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and salted peanuts
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whilst entertaining friends
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with tales of
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doom and gloom
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remembering his last
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long lost love
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the most beautiful
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of creatures but
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not very clever
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and no teeth
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a dicky ticker
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but the best
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still to come
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if you like
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breathless and gummy
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bears, sticky and
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liable to get
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Something not wanted
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nicely wrapped though
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in pretty paper
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which he tore
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with a passion
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only to find....
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another paper layer
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pass the parcel !
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And the prize
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was a big
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bar of chocolate
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melted by handling
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too much and
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squashed by different
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touchy feely people
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who can't be
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to careful with
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soft sqaushy things
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feminine squashy things
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which need careful
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handling or they
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slither all over
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then head south ;D ;D ;D
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and look like
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they have been
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skinned and plucked
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like a chicken
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on the barbie
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very well seasoned
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and tasting of
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marmite, (http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/disgust/t9409.gif) (http://yoursmiles.org/t-disgust.php?page=) (http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/disgust/t9409.gif) (http://yoursmiles.org/t-disgust.php?page=)
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with cheesy topping
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Sounds quite nice
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Would like one
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but I might
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decorate the carpet
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with lots of
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marmite, or tapioca
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and strawberry jam
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with fresh cream
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But what if
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to be filmstars
-
in Harry Potter
-
too late because
-
its all finished
-
However, next day
-
we went over
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to Hollywood for...
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a session with
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a drama queen
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with genuine needs
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and loads of
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pink fluffy kittens...
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ooh err missus
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We drank Champagne
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and ate pie
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till they were
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all completely full
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of the most
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then they decided...
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to go home
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but the flight
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had to divert
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By the lakes
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staying in a
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5 star hotel
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with infinity pool
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and pool bar
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staffed by sexy
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handsome Italian waiters
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wearing only a
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smile and a
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very small white
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bow which covered
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his large muscular
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thigh, and then
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to their horror
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the bow fell
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which caused quite
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a terrible disappointment
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if only they
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had Viagra when
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trying to get
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a woman to
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cover their embarrasment
-
but suddenly the
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woman needed to
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cool herself down
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by taking all
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her designer clothes
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to the dustbin
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and replacing them
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with exotic flowers
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and hummimg birds
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and then there
-
came an artist
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with impeccable standards
-
but was rather
-
handy with his
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brushes & paints
-
so he put
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some special paint
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over those areas
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which are unreachable
-
and look like
-
piles and piles
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of dirty washing
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smelling most unpleasant
-
because of the
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big sweaty bottom
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made sweatier by
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lack of cotton
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underwear, and tight
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leather jeans causing
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chafing around the
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hairy private bits
-
the only thing
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for it was
-
too late for
-
any kind of
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feminine intervention or
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lubricating those parts
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he shaved them
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to make it
-
eyecatching and artistic
-
license it was
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ever so sore
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on the eyes
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made them water
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so he dabbed
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with lots of
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gin and tonic
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shaken not stirred
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and vowed never
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Have sex again
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until next time
-
As men DO
-
They do? :o
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Oh yes constantly
-
in the greenhouse
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and the garage
-
even in the
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dusty garden shed (!)
-
with the spiders :o
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watching and thinking
-
what the heck!?
-
is going on
-
However, soon afterwards
-
all became clear
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as mud, then
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like a lightbulb
-
it went pop!
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making a very
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earth shattering noise
-
sending him into
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a momentary panic...
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"i love her"
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he cried out
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but then he
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looked shocked and
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realised that he
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wasn't gay afterall
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so why had
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always fancied blokes?
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mighty confusing when
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milk bottles are
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on the doorstep
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for normal retrieval
-
but long life
-
cause so many
-
spills and splashes
-
over some embarrassing
-
little places and
-
can't be removed
-
ACCIDENT AND EMERGENCY
-
yum male nurses..
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not all gay
-
but very arty
-
and drama queens
-
sensitive to any
-
criticism of their
-
bedside manner but
-
eager to please
-
they would always
-
give you a
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sponge bath or
-
a long cool
-
glass of water
-
with a dash
-
of hibiscrub and
-
a slice of
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rubber glove with
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a bed pan
-
which had lots
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maltesers and smarties
-
stuck in it
-
one wonders how
-
they got there
-
but it's best
-
not to imagine
-
as it could
-
lead to all
-
kinds of complications
-
such as the
-
matter of who
-
to invite to
-
the Christmas party
-
and what to
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to wear if
-
anything! Oh alright
-
if I must
-
but only if
-
you do too
-
lets dress-up as
-
Father Christmas!! and
-
an Elf too
-
Don't forget Rudolph
-
and his sleigh
-
will land on
-
the roof and
-
frighten the kids :D
-
drunk as skunks
-
from sherry and
-
brandy butter, and
-
boozy mince pies (yum, yum)
-
who should be...
-
sober, then they
-
headed off to
-
a shopping centre
-
where they bought
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chocolate and cake
-
and pigged out
-
and were sick
-
as the proverbial
-
parrot, and then
-
had some more
-
with dire consequences
-
for a passerby
-
wearing nothing but
-
thong, which was
-
quite a shock
-
fluffy and pink
-
with purple sequins
-
and police uniform...
-
with a truncheon
-
He arrested them
-
as he blushed
-
with acute embarassment
-
and tried to
-
find his handcuffs
-
Whats happening here
-
he asked, sweating
-
as he saw
-
his own reflection
-
which was not
-
a pretty sight
-
it would frighten
-
even the beast
-
within the strongest
-
cast iron constitution
-
and even the
-
little green men...
-
who jumped out
-
from their spaceship
-
and landed heavily
-
in thick snow
-
were amazed to
-
find strange white
-
little fluffy things :bounci:
-
thrown at them
-
which were the
-
little baby lambs...
-
that Mary left
-
after she had
-
wild rampant sex
-
with a stranger
-
not taking precautions!
-
This led to
-
the single mother !
-
"wear something on it........
-
at all times
-
otherwise it causes
-
a nasty rash
-
on your bum...
-
which is very
-
embarrassing when you
-
have only just
-
got new man
-
Living next door
-
and you want....
-
to show him
-
your valuable ass-ets
-
because you want
-
to really like
-
wearing sparkly thong
-
but it cuts
-
like a razor :o
-
which is blunt :o
-
causing more chafing
-
to the parts
-
that other thongs
-
just cant reach
-
except, of course
-
the ones with
-
bells and bows
-
and fairy lights :D
-
glittery ad sparkling
-
but a bit
-
gaudy and really
-
difficult to get
-
at in a
-
cold, snowy, blizzard
-
or in sun
-
with frozen fingers :o
-
and frozen buttocks
-
not to mention
-
frost and fog
-
around the south
-
nether regions, but ;)
-
snow to follow
-
very soon after
-
the big flakes
-
came tumbling down
-
whirling about with
-
milk and sugar
-
and chocolate drops
-
and yummy cherries
-
making a lovely
-
big mix of
-
Chocolate Cherry McFlurry
-
to eat while
-
undoing the laces
-
of your skates
-
. Meanwhile back at
-
the ranch,I
-
unpeeled a rather
-
smelly old sock
-
from behind the
-
school bike shed!
-
only to find
-
my school teacher
-
with a rather
-
naughty dinner lady ;D
-
holding a spatula
-
dripping with ............ chocolate
-
and spreading it
-
all over the
-
leather where the
-
Shoes meet toes
-
ready for tickling...
-
and for sucking.....
-
but what is
-
that over there?
-
Could it be
-
Superman, or maybe
-
it's Denise Welch ;D
-
and Carol McGiffin
-
Dancing on Ice ;D
-
With Robbie Williams
-
and the massively
-
sexy Rufus Sewell :P
-
who just happened
-
to be free........
-
from all infection
:o
-
Dettol kills 99.9%
-
but not Rufus !
-
he's very resistant
-
to all sorts
-
Liquorice all sorts
-
especially the round
-
so saves them
-
till the last
-
I love liquorice
-
full of goodness
-
keeps you regular
-
said Dr Spock
-
of the starship ;D ;D
-
And Dr Mackoy
-
who beamed down
-
wearing spandex shorts
-
eeeeeeek said the
-
menopausal sweaty lady
-
"What's that enormous
-
alien doing here?
-
Why it might
-
be ETS's mum :'( ;D
-
oops messed that up should be
E.T's mum !!!!!
-
Goodness! She looks
-
totally stressed out
-
gained weight too
-
maybe even menopausal
-
phone home ET
-
there is news
-
"your sisters pregnant"
-
could be twins
-
who's the Daddy?
-
It's the doctor
-
what? Dr Spock
-
No! Dr Chivago
-
playing his balalika
-
surrounded by lots
-
and lots of
-
of Cossack dancers
-
who looked like
-
they needed refreshments
-
moscow mules anyone?
-
or Russian dolls
-
One, Two, Three
-
four, five once
-
.... upon a time
-
in a faraway
-
place of beauty
-
were meno ladies
-
fanned their flushes (phew!)
-
in sparkling seas
-
which flushed their
-
nether regions with
-
lots of bubbles
-
cockles & mussels
-
alive alive oh....
-
Suddenly they heard......
-
a fog horn
-
or was it ?
-
their nether regions?
-
bellowing very loudly
-
after eating lots
-
of curried beans
-
:whist: :whist: :whist:
phew, needed that
-
suddenly along came
-
a humongous spider
-
wearing pink shoes
-
and a tutu
-
waving a surprisingly
-
large green sausage
-
and a fryingpan
I cheated ;D
-
shouting out loud
-
Help me to...
-
keep myself cool
-
i've been overheating
-
and over eating!
-
pancakes, puddings, pies
-
honestly no lies
-
well, maybe some
-
special diet moussaka
(The more you eat, the thinner you get! Honest! ;D ;D ;D )
-
plus workout at
-
a steamy gym
-
with a delightful
-
foreign instructor from
-
a place called
-
the Outer Hebrides
-
and some swimming
-
under a waterfall
-
with surprisingly friendly
-
big tanned natives
-
with huge.......muscles..
-
and very trim
-
tenticles hanging down
-
;D ;D ;D
between their long
-
tanned and muscular
-
legs.There was
-
nothing they could
-
but stare at
-
such a wonderous
-
and unsettling sight
-
big brown eyes
-
as big as
-
the widest ocean
-
and so deep
(I wonder what this would read like if it was all printed out, would it be possible ?)
-
taking 127 hours
-
with Dido singing..... la la la
-
and Jamie cooking....
-
naked, like Gino ;D
-
that was funny
-
I thought so
-
all those socks
-
now on Ebay
-
and worth every
-
penny even with
-
holes in them
-
which were caused
-
by too much
-
sausage and meatballs
-
with Italian seasoning
-
and hot, spicy
-
Gino, Gino, GINO !!!
-
Phew, hot flush
Meggie, you were the 1000th poster on this! :o
-
and hot pants!
-
meet me today
-
down by the
-
By the sea
-
where the band
-
The Lighthouse Family
-
play sweet nothings
-
in our ears
-
the waves gently
-
lapped on the
-
smooth golden sands
-
which crept into
-
private little coves
Eddie - thanks for letting me know I was the 1000th poster .... and on it goes
-
until sunrise when
-
a thunderous purple
-
rampant rabbit appeared
-
from a black
-
eyed pea washed
-
down with tropical
-
ripe mango juice
-
not for me
-
so bring me
-
sex on the
-
beach with some
-
crispy pork scratchings
-
wedged tightly between
-
two buttocks belonging
-
Jean-Cristoph Novelli :P
-
plus a good
-
bottle of plonk
-
and a good
-
Aphro-disi-ac .................OK i Cheated ;D
-
plus lotions, potions
-
to ease the motions ;)
-
brought about by
-
to much curry
-
like this duo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6AGWcXnkrA
-
to much carrying
-
a sack of
-
yummy chocolate biscuits
-
and cream cakes
-
with long drink
-
and long straw
-
hats which covered
-
enough to tantalise
-
the five passing
-
tourists from over
-
the Welsh mountains
-
of Snowdonia and
-
complete with sheep .....
-
came to see
-
the warmly dripping
-
yummy chocolate fountain
-
the Red Dragon
-
and white rabbit
-
from the valleys
-
sang 'cum-rhonda'
-
and much more
-
including the wonderful
-
do your balls ........
-
hang low Sir?
-
Do they swing....
-
to and fro..
-
and Land Of
-
hope and glory
-
mother of the
-
bride, smile please!
-
its Candid Camera !.......................I'm showing my age now ::)
-
YOUR ON TV
-
GOK thinks you
-
have major problems
-
two massive ones
-
and should look
-
to plasic surgery
-
oops "plastic"!
-
to make them
-
pert and pretty
-
little pixie ears
-
came out of
-
a woolly hat
-
like spaniels ears
-
with cherries on!
-
housework not done
-
but cake eaten
-
with hot chocolate
-
and pink marshmallows
-
foamy white mustache
-
licked off face
-
all over beard !!!!
-
Have to clean
-
my smutty brain ;D
-
of all this
-
is so much
-
more fun to
-
do than clean
-
the upstairs loo
-
of splattered poo!
-
sorry have ibs! ;D ;D ;D
-
and two Snowdrops
-
in a vase
-
No, wild ones
-
so very fragile
-
blowing in wind
-
the answer is
-
please don't step
-
on my lovely
-
newly emerged flowers
-
need a sign
-
to put up
-
PLEASE
STAY
OFF
-
MY
LOVELY
BLOOMERS
-
baked in tins
-
and covered with
-
seeds or oatmeal
-
and dripping syrup
-
warm and wet
-
hot sweat again :)
-
in the shower
-
she surprised a
-
plumber with a
-
big rubber plunger !!!
-
rippling muscles and
-
one big tattoo
-
on his cheek
-
gently cupped by
-
warm loving hands
-
with bitten nails
-
but no one
-
seems to care
-
except us ladies
-
here today, right
-
most definitely needed
-
a jolly good
-
long drink of
-
something cool and
-
fruity with a
-
hint of pleasure
-
and a flake!
-
and raspberry sauce
-
some chocolate sprinkles
-
and a sparkler
-
Happy Birthday Holly
-
Many Happy Returns
-
more Gino nude ;)
-
with chocolate fountain
-
and Gino nude
-
covered in chocolate
-
and a bit of
-
marshmallow on top
-
cute little smile
-
pert little bum ::)
-
smooth tanned skin
-
and abs like
-
firm muscular buttocks
-
coated with coconoil
-
ready for it
-
cold champagne and
-
the Lurve album
-
a few nibbles
-
some low light
-
with scented candles
-
chocolate dipped strawberries
-
and love dust
(or something like that on gmtv)
-
then suddenly Gino........
-
turned on the
-
soft, mood-enhancing music
-
causing a ginormous
:o ;D ;)
-
rise in the
-
overall temperature of
-
menopausal ladies, who....
-
really fancy a
-
dance in the
-
dark by candlelight
-
with a sexy
-
little black number
-
no strings though !!
-
Dont fall down..
-
too much champagne ;)
-
who was he
-
going home with?
-
A beautiful mature
-
menopausal lady who
-
knew how to
-
take an opportunity
-
to get down
-
and boogie like
-
all those teenagers
-
we once were ;D ;D
-
and still are!
-
apart from the
-
lack of stamina ;D
-
the grey hairs
-
and saggy bits
-
and blobby bits
-
but still gorgeous!
-
And definately slightly
-
round the bend!
-
and enjoying life
-
to the full
-
of cream cakes
-
and red wine
-
and nibbles of
-
nuts, whole hazlenuts
-
covered with chocolate
-
eaten very slowly
-
otherwise the nuts
-
stand for election
-
usually get in
-
all sorts of
-
knots & fankles
-
just like twister
-
rough & tumble
-
and getting filthy
-
rolling in mud
-
just like kids
-
up to mischief
-
then run away
-
late back home
-
now you're grounded
-
until you can
-
do own washing
-
by hand. Then
-
wring out well
-
before hanging out
-
smell the Lenor
-
Summer Meadow variety (or similar)
-
do the ironing
-
do mines too ;D ;D
-
have a nap
-
watch some telly
-
have some nibbles
-
have a sleep
-
bit of breaky
-
Coffee, porridge, hrt :)
-
Tea, toast and Lurpak.
I take my hrt at bedtime.
-
shower, dress, stress?
-
off to docs
-
Hope alls ok :)
cm xx
-
clean bird cage
-
feed garden birds
-
look for crocus's
-
hang out washing
-
stand on crocus's
-
do some weeding
-
then the ironing!
-
Time for a
-
a bit of
-
hows your father ;D
-
and your mother
-
would she approve?
-
Im sure that
-
she would jump
-
up and down
-
given the chance
-
then swap places ;D ;D
-
stroking smoothly muscled
-
well toned flesh
-
of our dog.
-
Shiny wet nose
-
Glossy black coat
-
long furry undercoat
-
rubbing his tummy
-
on your pillows
-
time to rise
-
the price of
-
my weekly shopping
-
caviar and champagne
-
Marks and Spencer!
-
only the best
-
value for money
-
pound for pound
-
eat your way
-
through all the
-
chocolates in tin
-
then the biscuits
-
all the sweeties
-
then the crisps
-
with some dips
-
then feel sick
-
but hold until
-
the film ends
-
off to bed
-
bucket at side
-
just in case
-
toss and turn
-
belch and pump
-
yawn and stretch
-
roll over and
-
start a new
-
packet of biscuits
-
kept secretly hidden
-
underneath the bed
-
beside toy box
-
and a fluffy
-
pink feather duster
-
firmly stuck to
-
the bottom of
-
the old broomstick
-
and witches hat
-
flying past window...
-
cackling with mischief
-
stroking her familiar
-
jet black pussy
-
come my pretty
-
naughty Eddie.... :o ;)
-
minds think alike........... anifanny ;)
-
time for tea
-
:oops: ;) :rofl:
-
said Andy Pandy
-
staring at Looby-loo's
-
jugs and treats
-
LOADS OE SWEETS
-
Watch with Mother
-
rainbow, hectors house
-
Bill and Ben
-
whose pots were
-
very bright and
-
with little weed
-
quivering with anticipation
:o
-
and Looby Loo
-
on a Saturday
-
with a feverish
-
desire for Ted
-
what? Father Ted
-
Mrs Browns Boys
-
Bex, sorry, but I don't understand so can't continue the story...
-
Sorry, Nillers, Mrs Brown's Boys is another example of an Irish sitcom which is currently showing on BBC. Cubagirl last posted - "what - Father Ted" - which is a well known classic Irish sitcom in the uk.
Please do carry on the story Nillers.
-
who were so
-
sexy and tactile
-
hunky and nubile
-
HOT and sweaty
-
so slippery that
-
they slid away
-
down the slope
-
into a large
-
septic tank overspill
-
Eeeeeuw! "Gotcha!" chortled...
-
SMELLY YUK EWWWW
-
Luckily there was...
-
a plunger handy
-
and a bottle
-
DONT DRINK IT ;D
-
but Alice did
-
and everything became
-
blacker and blacker
-
until Alice couldnt...
-
see where her
-
little white rabbit
-
was bobbing about
-
until it jumped
-
through the mirror
-
into her lap
-
twitched his wiskers
-
batteries were flat
-
from too much
-
porky pies! Why?
-
greedy little rabbit
-
must get some
-
andrews liver salts
-
all that fizzing
-
popping and gurgling
-
a gigantic burp
-
on the horizon
-
a fox spied
-
a tasty meal
-
yum yum he
-
cunningly thought, hmmmm
-
what shall I
-
do with all
-
those rusty batteries
-
I know, I'll
-
stick them in
-
the recycling bin
-
which is situated
-
outside the PUB
-
Unfortunately, the temptation
-
was too great
-
she had to
-
have a pint
-
and a nip
-
then another pint
-
And another one
-
then a wee ;D
-
Started singing loudly
-
Little ole wine
-
Danced on table
-
removed some clothing :o
-
To much cheering ;D
-
and waving of ...
-
something very grubby
-
Telephoned her husband :-\
-
he came and
-
had some beers
-
threw a dart
-
fell over and
-
ended up in
-
a grubby old
-
pile of manure
-
smiling to himself
-
and smelling foul
-
still looking good
-
WELL I DONT
-
want to know
-
a big secret
-
well I saw
-
her next door
-
just an hour
-
before the incident
-
totally starkers and
-
waving a flag
-
showing off all
-
Her large assets
-
top to bottom
-
smothered with very
-
Expensive firming cream
-
blowing kisses to
-
All and sundry
-
with not a...
-
care at all
-
Mother-in-law saw her
-
pursed her lips
-
Said "I knew
-
one day i'd
-
be proved right
-
you shameless hussy
-
tut tut tut
-
one day you'll
-
dance with joy
-
my son, when
-
the divorce is
-
signed and sealed
-
delivered I'm yours ;D
-
In the meantime
-
the gorgeous young
-
rock star next
-
door to the
-
TO ME YUM
-
tuned his instrument
-
to it's maximum
-
volume and began
-
a rock ballad
-
oh how I
-
remember the time
-
when we danced
-
under the stars
-
and kissed tenderly
-
crooned rock guy
-
Audience went wild
-
girls threw knickers (!)
-
Mums threw bras (!!)
-
then they threw
-
up their alcohol
-
and forgot everything
-
lost all their
-
inhibitions and danced
-
a highland jig
-
stripped bare naked
-
Vicar turned up
-
with his tart
-
dressed as a
-
naughty little schoolgirl
-
lets party until
-
communion tomorrow morning
-
and then we'll
-
get a bus
-
and head for
-
The cock inn
-
THE COCK MISSED
-
by a mile
-
the farmer said
-
my tractor will
-
be the same
-
as last time
-
when it was
-
impounded by police
-
for having no
-
reason being parked
-
on top of
-
my councillor's car
-
which was in
-
a big hole
-
Caused by snow
-
and deep potholes
-
He'd no money
-
so decided to
-
go to bed
-
with a wellknown
-
society girl from
-
the west end
-
Jellied eels stall
-
excuse me while
-
I regain my sanity
-
what is that? ;D
-
she said as
-
she peered closely
-
at the large
-
slippery pink thing
-
dangling between his
-
left & right leg
-
"It's an enlarged..
-
gland and causes
-
all sorts of
-
hilarious reactions to
-
stimulation and then
-
suddenly it happened
-
all went dark
-
she saw stars
-
Sun and Moon
-
and cried out
-
Goodness Gracious Me
-
something's wrong here
-
I can't get
-
no satisfaction from
-
anything any more
-
every little thing
-
seems bigger when
-
blown out of
-
proportion, just like
-
men when they
-
get "man " flu
-
which happens frequently
-
They suffer more
-
than we do
-
or do they?
-
They're certainly needy
-
irritating, not like
-
us stoic superwomen
-
who always manage
-
to do better
-
with our illnesses
-
we can multitask
-
Housework and forums
-
real-life and virtual
-
anything you throw
-
at us but.........
-
I would rather
-
take a nap
-
or curl up
-
on a hammock
-
beside the sea
-
on the med
-
drinking champagne with
-
Richard Gere.
-
He'll have to
-
accept me for
-
who I used
-
whenever I wanted
-
girlie nights out
-
which was quite
-
naughty in parts
-
but very nice ;)
-
The mornings after
-
i always vow
-
to never again
-
dress like that
-
unless of course
-
the nun's outfit
-
bless me father ;D
-
not going there!
-
over the rainbow
-
why can't I
-
stop these sweats
-
Because you are
-
trying too hard
-
to become a
-
perfect wife,mother
-
daughter, sister, aunt
-
cousin, friend and colleague
-
You need to
-
open a bottle
-
polish a glass
-
and chill out
-
listen to Adele
-
singing away beautifully
-
She tried but
-
the phone rang
-
leave a message
-
after the tone...
-
and we will
-
not get back ;D
-
and never ever
-
buy double glazing
-
under any circumstance
-
She shouted back
-
should have gone
-
to spec savers!
-
but went instead
-
round the bend
-
at great speed
-
and fell into
-
the road works
-
which were only
-
relining sewer pipes!
-
an awful stench
-
smelt by rescuers
-
wives when washing
-
their dirty clothes
-
In the heat
-
of the day
-
they called 999
-
and asked for
-
the fire brigade
-
new year calendar
-
which had pictures
-
of several hoses
-
and fire engines
-
standing to attention
-
outside the local
-
branch of Tescos
-
shaking a tin
-
displaying the logo
-
Every little helps
-
;D ;D ;D
-
and could even
-
save the world!
-
and outer space
-
and the universe
-
could save me ;D
-
from these flushes!
-
and the hoovering!
-
I Love hoovering
-
please do mine? ;)
-
Done mine already
-
well now could
-
we get back
-
to the subject
-
of the universe
-
and all that
-
makes the world
-
go round but
-
sometimes too fast
-
like the waltzer
-
or really slowly
-
so that time
-
almost stands still
-
and peaceful until
-
the next door
-
neighbours dogs start
-
howling the moon
-
and chasing the
-
the hedgehogs that
-
curl and roll
-
across the garden
-
down by the
-
sea with rippling
-
cockles and muscles
-
alive, alive oh (sorry, had to be done!)
-
until Rick Stein
-
opened a restaurant
-
and cooked fish
-
in a steaming
-
hot frying pan
-
with bubbling butter
-
together with a
-
hefty price and
-
tea and sympathy
-
giving hope to
-
the milk man
-
and the postie
-
beware the dog
-
a sign says
-
on the gate
-
of a large
-
and very grand
-
Italian Papal Palace ;D ;D
-
near the centre
-
of grand Venice
-
in a gondola
-
going in July!
-
counting the days
-
and the nights
-
until I go
-
where sun shines
-
in a far
-
flung place over
-
the pond in
-
exciting, new place
-
with virgin space http://www.virgingalactic.com/ ;D ;D
-
hope its allowed :D
-
might not be
-
so what, if
-
you could afford
-
a diamond ring
-
and bunches of roses
-
a castle in spain...
-
a beautiful gown
-
a yacht with
-
billowing white sails
-
and gorgeous crew
-
Hugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew
-
Cuthbert, Dibble & Grubb...
-
on their way
-
from Camberwick Green
-
to visit their
-
Favourite aunty Jean
-
she lived in
-
a beuatiful villa
-
down by the
-
seaside. Where the
-
waves lapped over
-
the bronze bodies
-
of the celebrity
-
basketball team from
-
never never land
-
where Peter Pan
-
and Tinkerbell live
-
and all the
-
lost boys find
-
a way to
-
have a party
-
with Captain Hook
-
and the pirates
-
drinking rum and
-
singing sea shanties
-
selling sea shells !
-
on the seashore
-
alive alive oh
-
until Rick Stein (are we in the loop again ? ;D see back)
-
gutted & filleted
-
Haddock and Cod
-
(you going to love this) ;D ;D
a substantial cod-piece :o
-
;D ;D ;D
salt and vinegar
-
I meant this http://www.users.qwest.net/~rappleyard/codpiece/definition/index.html sorry :P
-
flavours and makes
-
of potato crisps
-
and stuffed olives
-
with stuffed vine-leaves
-
bowl of houmus
-
bottle of plonk
-
Some crusty bread
-
the bliss of
-
being able to
-
have good conversation
-
about the meaning
-
of the word
-
anyone out there?
-
Yep, we're here ;)
-
I'm here too
-
where are you ?
-
somewhere on planet
-
Venus looking for
-
little green men
-
who were playing
-
Michael Jackson's Moonwalk (think that's corect)
-
again and again
-
which was really
-
so annoyingly good
-
that we all
-
had to applaud
-
for another encore !!
-
out of this world
-
came angelic beings :ange:
-
those meno ladies!
-
flushing and sweating
-
friskis & svetis (Swedish aerobics meaning frisky & sweaty)
-
moving to Abba
-
the dancing queen
-
we all wish
-
for another time
-
when we were
-
young and beautiful ::)
-
and fancy free
-
drinks and nibbles
-
didn't make us fat
-
not like now
-
times change, but
-
life goes on
-
just as well
-
with positive thoughts
-
and good friends
-
home and away
-
with skype installed (not that I've got it but thinking of it forgive me)
-
keep in touch (I have & it's brill)
-
either on line (I daren't, it would never be turned off)
-
or by text
-
those three words
-
I love you
-
Ah thanks Margarett ;D ;D ;D
-
;D ;D ;D
-
Three laughing faces
-
two double chins ;)
-
where's the third
-
it's right here
-
Sshhh it's hidden
-
by my big
-
muffin top and
-
giant bazookas, but
-
a supportive bra ;)
-
as modelled by
-
the potter who
-
was only after
-
a potters wheel
-
a cold beer,
-
a bag of chips,
-
and a cuddle ;)
-
but instead he
-
decided to go
-
and look in
-
the artist's cottage
-
where he discovered
-
a very thin
-
good- looking woman
-
With big feet
-
and hairy toes
-
who laughed when
-
showed her his
-
stick of rhubarb
-
which was red
-
long and straight
-
Stood to attention
-
dipped in sugar
-
ready for dunking
-
down the hatch
-
hold your nose
-
because it smells
-
but tastes good
-
and somewhat, chewy
-
just like bubblegum
-
strawberry or raspberry?
-
much prefer strawberry
-
dipped in chocolate
-
naughty but nice
-
then spread over
-
a great big
-
crispy white meringue
-
which was deliciously
-
chewy and flavoured
-
with brandy and
-
thick, whipped, cream
-
which slowly melted
-
:o :o ::)
-
as the cat
-
as the cat
-
licked a paw
-
out on the
-
the deck of
-
the cat-a-moran anchored
-
off the bay
-
Warm blue ocean
-
with teams of
-
dolphins leaping by
-
Whistling happily in
-
azure coloured waters
-
in their own
-
world, but then
-
in the distance
-
they could see
-
came the sharks
-
carrying with them
-
lots of little
-
in their large
-
fierce looking jaws
-
[little what?]
and clean teeth :o
-
suddenly, the little
-
fishes swam and ........ [thinks Frankie Howard here ::) ]
-
found a new
-
home under the
-
big piece of
-
rock, jutting out
-
[swam and they swam right over the Dam .......... ::) ]
on which sat
-
a beautiful mermaid
-
brushing her scales
-
with a very
-
pretty sea sponge
-
soaked in Bardedas
-
making foam puddles
-
all around her
-
the air sparkled
-
something wonderful was
-
about to happen
-
a gorgous man
-
appeared, eating noodles
-
and sluuurping loudly
-
Errrr said the
-
beautiful mystical creature
-
Thats so gross
-
but somewhat erotic!
-
So shall we
-
have a nibble?
-
on some pot-noodles ;D
-
pour boiling water
-
over the top
-
notice the swelling
-
and say wow!
-
that looks so...
-
unhealthy and greasy
-
full of yuk
-
Smells like muck
-
Tastes llike poop
-
No goodness whatsoever!
-
I am stuck :-\
-
in the mud
-
without a towel
-
Got no food
-
But suddenly noticed...
-
a large hairy
-
creature with a
-
piece of salad
-
a wet lettuce?
-
and long cucumber .........
-
coming out with
-
very big grin
-
which quickly disappeared
-
when she saw
-
a bigger cucumber
-
in cling film
-
in a large
-
shopping bag with
-
a nice pear
-
and a lettuce
-
Perhaps the lettuce
-
with a slug
-
of red wine :rofl:
-
Cheese and biscuits
-
a pickled gerkin?
-
that's a slug ? :o
-
with gange green (bet thats not spelled right)
-
:rofl: @ Cubagirl!
spots and pimples
-
Oh Eddie!!!! ;D ;D ;D
which covered our
-
knees and tighs [sp]
-
Heads & shoulders :whist:
-
Knees and Toes :parti:
-
Eyes and ears
-
mouth and nose
-
Hips and Bum ::)
-
and even tums
-
wobble like jelly
-
that's my belly
-
dancing all alone ::)
-
or with buddies :boobs:
-
doing the :cancan:
-
old hoki koki
-
left leg in
-
left leg out
-
shake it about
-
booty & boobs ;D ;D ;D
-
Knock yerself out :o
-
very possible now :boobs: :boobs: :stretcher: ;D ;D
jenny
-
It's a knockout!
-
the winner takes
-
the full monty
-
meat'n 2 veg
-
cake for afters
-
with jam and cream ......... :-*
-
lots of calories ::)
-
But who cares?
-
Well, i do
-
Causes lots of
-
bulges and bumps
-
dieting is necessary
-
Only as last. ;)
-
resort - no fun
-
Time to PARTY!!!!
-
hands over glass :drunk:
-
what's your poison?
-
red wine please!
-
Whisky neat - hic
-
a white wine
-
cool Frascati with
-
several good friends
-
in our pyjams
-
I prefere dressed
-
to the nines?
-
but no shoes
-
and no knickers
-
far too cold
-
how about a
-
Hot toddy and
-
a bacon sandwich ;D
-
smothered in lots
-
HP brown sauce
-
and cuppa tea
-
followed by some
-
pancakes and syrup
-
oh yes please :-*
-
are they ready?
-
hands over plate .........
-
all for me
-
except last one
-
like last rolo
-
must be love
-
love, love, it ........
-
the last rollo ?????
-
all gone now...
-
far far away
-
over the hill
-
my old man
-
's a dustman
The Advert ran "Do you love him enough to give him your last Rollo? " ;)
-
a dustmans hat
-
cor blimey trousers
-
a council flat
-
mind the tiger
-
under the bed
-
chewing my slippers
-
its so wrong
-
even when wrong
-
might still work
-
or laze in bed ;)
-
having a cuddle
-
is so nice
-
warm peaceful comforting
-
nice and soft
-
cosy and sleepy
-
not for me
-
definately not me
-
or for me
-
maybe for them...
-
let them decide
-
Where to go
-
and take their
-
picnic with them
-
things to eat (we're back on that subject again ;D)
-
;D every single time
jam and bread
-
and scrumy drinks
-
at the riverside
-
then it rained
-
but we stayed
-
under the blanket
-
and held on
-
for dear life
-
until it leaked
-
trudged home wet >:(
-
in our wellies
-
sounds like Glastonbury
-
in the mud
-
with our backpacks
-
and purple flares
-
with big floppy
-
hats with some
-
orange feathers on
-
to keep our
-
noses very dry
-
and cider to
-
enjoy later on (and cider to ....)
-
why not now ?
-
I drank it
-
with some pickles
-
and lovely cheese (OMG its food again)
-
then we walked
-
to the woods
-
watching the bodgers
-
and guess what
-
it started raining!
-
So we rang
-
a very nice
-
man we know
-
and he said
-
why dont you
-
come with me
-
and we'll find
-
a motor home
-
then you can
-
go whenever, wherever
-
the problem is
-
hole in wellies
-
but he had
-
two plastic bags! (to put in the wellies)
-
and much more
-
he had umbrellas!
-
with large balloons
-
when they burst
-
it frightened the
-
sheep around him
-
who started to
-
follow each other
-
across to the
-
other side - following
-
all the rams... ;)
-
with cute lambs
-
4 weeks old
-
so am told
-
was happily playing
-
in the meadow
-
in came a fox
-
looking so sly
-
licking his lips
-
but wanted more
-
egg and chips
-
with tomato ketchup
-
thick buttered toast
-
lots of slices
-
and milky coffee
-
be really nice
-
to each other
-
all the time
-
in the world
-
and you'll find
-
a handsome hunk
-
with plenty of
-
sun tan lotion
-
to rub in
-
all those places
-
that make you
-
shiver and shake ;D
-
be careful though
-
or it might
-
be licked off
-
by my friend
-
who always goes
-
for hunky men
-
yuk yuk yuk >:(
-
But there again
-
she also likes
-
well done steak
-
What a funny
-
kind of day
-
who knows where
-
it will end
-
but we can
-
live in hope
-
the sun shines
-
if lucky tomorrow
-
we can dream
-
When sun shined
-
all day long
-
and we all
-
lay down beside
-
ice cold drinks
-
and cola floats ::)
-
with a rather
-
pretty coloured straw
-
and an umbrella
-
used lots lately
-
mud mud mud [waves to Larky]
-
cold and sticky
-
but good for
-
making plants grow
-
and filling up
-
short length wellingtons
-
with lots of
-
Nutrients and other
-
tasty tit bits
-
Also in there
-
are three frogs :o
-
who decided to
-
start a family
-
OOoohhh Laaa Laaa
Meggie
-
language of love
-
of course its
-
up to you
-
not everyone is
-
in the know
-
about all this
-
bubbles and fizz
-
chocolates and flowers
-
Sugar and hayfever
-
flowers and crops
-
grown in greenhouse
-
hot and humid
-
long summer days
-
yes, years ago
-
today is hot++
-
thunder for later
-
naked in rain (bliss)
-
need an umbrella
-
not yet necessary
-
cheap in Primark!
-
do the job
-
as well as
-
saving the pennies
-
for rainy days
-
or sunny ones
-
whichever you prefer
-
it only matters
-
if you dont
-
look closely at
-
how they make
-
fresh fruit salad
-
Melon and grapes
-
starters and puds
-
The main course
-
we will enjoy
-
A very healthy
-
swim and gym
-
to get slim
-
and fit into
-
a fabulous bikini
-
with very small
-
polka dot pants
-
red and white
-
sparkly little sandals
-
small straw handbag
-
looking so glam
-
suntan need now
-
in faraway land
-
with rum punches
-
beside cool pool
-
enjoying your day
-
reading chick novel
-
on new kindle
-
or Sony Ereader
-
old style book :)
-
using sunglasses from
-
my long lost
-
mis-spent youth
-
it was fun
-
while it lasted
-
can come again...
-
no energy left
-
want it back
-
25 years ago
-
in my dreams
-
i then realise
-
that I'd lost
-
my reading glasses
-
meno brain strikes ;D
-
here come flushes
-
loo blocked again ;D
-
:D :D :D
-
need a plumber
-
how to find ( one)
-
with great difficulty
-
but keep trying
-
and keep flushing
-
till it unblocks
-
But it isn't
-
going to happen
-
if you keep
-
trying too hard
-
;D [@ melis]
Take some laxatives
-
Must buy Andrex
-
soft and quilted
-
nice and soft
-
rather have puppy
-
they so cute
-
i like kittens
-
little fluffy ones
-
tiny white faces
-
purring to you
-
I want one
-
talked into it ::)
-
OH says no
-
use womanly wiles
-
it wont work
-
always strings attached
-
Go get one !
-
still prefer puppy!!
-
walking and pooing ::)
-
bosies ( cuddles) and kisses
-
roses and chocolates
-
wine and music
-
pitter patter ;)
-
of tiny feet
-
Knitting needles going
-
click, click, click
-
t.v. changing programmes ::)
-
until you find
-
more reality shows
-
so switch off
-
done
-
and do something else instead
Sorry more than 3 words, but was that not a TV programme?
-
Play this game
-
it takes away
-
the feelings of
-
worry and lonliness
-
and makes you think
-
your brain works
-
when it wants ::)
-
its a bit
-
mixed up and
-
sometimes due to
-
horrible meno brain :-\
-
I could do with
-
a lovely helper
-
who would like to
-
wait on me
-
hand and foot
-
night and day
-
oh the bliss
-
no more ironing
-
time for us
-
to pamper ourselves
-
and feel fabulous
-
for a change
-
and do something
-
really selfish for
-
a change, instead
-
it's groundhog day
-
oh yeah I see, how about
[really selfish for]
we are always
-
trying to please
-
sometimes too much
-
we please ourselves
-
what we do
-
we're worth it
-
so treat yourself
-
and feeled pleased
-
a me day
-
Then tomorrow you
-
go back to
-
the rat race
-
working, housework, sleeping
-
but we do
-
need to sleep
-
whenever we can
-
7 hours last night
-
you lucky thing
-
still tired though
-
not for long
-
new patch tonight
-
never used one
-
am willing to
-
now you can!
-
have sweet dreams
-
dream every night
-
and trust friends ;)
-
can be brave ::)
-
when we have
-
learn who's who
-
to show them
-
what we are
-
fabulous nice ladies :D
-
who know more (than GPs)
-
and stick together
-
look after us
-
when we're down
-
we get better
-
love this forum
-
lots do too
-
laughs here too
-
and honest replys
-
from lovely ladies
-
Lots of opinions
-
and the best
-
advice given free
-
Because sometimes we
-
need some support
-
a good fitting
-
frilly lace bra
-
with matching knicks
-
not too tight
-
not a thong ::)
-
like cheese wire :'(
-
very uncomfortable to
-
sit down in
-
big pants best ::)
-
dont peg out (on washing line) ;)
-
fold them first
(to look smaller) ;)
-
(or put them in the dryer and buy thongs to peg out to impress the neighbours ;)
this way the
-
imagination can run
-
And your neighbours
-
spoil the fun
-
They don't care
-
if you feel
-
Like getting a
-
delivery of very
-
expensive new underwear
-
covering all the
-
Cellulite and fat?
-
because it holds
-
a lot more
-
of me in ::)
-
only i know
-
whats in there
-
its staying in
-
So that's good
-
past bikini age
-
swimsuit and sarong
-
insect and suncream
-
mozzies and bites
-
in the sunshine
-
Under the parasol
-
and keeping cool
-
in my bikini ;)
-
Glad you're here :)
-
its so odd
-
weather in our
-
part of world
-
wish we could
-
enjoy the day
-
without the menopause!
-
In our dreams...... ;)
-
why cant men
-
feel it once
-
its not fair >:(
-
nothing ever is
-
but thats life....
-
we can be
-
up and down
-
now and again
-
then calm times
-
forever and ever
-
we can wish
-
for better times
-
winning Euro Millions (tonight, biggest ever jackpot)
-
it would help
-
give up work
-
oh the bliss
-
buy new car
-
move far away
-
to somewhere sunny
-
house on beach ....(sigh)
-
or the woods
-
could be gloomy
-
too many bugs
-
nice and peaceful
-
except for mossys
-
campfire and marshmellows
-
and hot chocolate
-
A good book
-
Mary Higgins Clarke
-
and warm socks
-
pack a brolly
-
rain or shine
-
good for both
-
heart and soul
-
smell of wet grass
-
refreshing and nice
-
pure spring water
-
vodka and lime
-
with crushed ice
-
and a slice
-
of fresh pineapple
-
in pinacolada 8)
-
cocktails
-
are the best
-
cure for your
-
bumps and lumps
-
the soft bits
-
go even softer
-
we can hope
-
that one day
-
they get firmer
-
if they dont
-
we will have
-
to try something
-
requiring effort and
-
willpower and lots
-
of excercise or
-
Estrace or Vagifem ;)
-
not for all
-
but for some
-
its the answer
-
to our prayers
-
maybe some day
-
menopause will be over
-
and life can
-
be a doddle
-
for us all
-
till the end
-
long way off ::)
-
in the future
-
I am going
-
to give me
-
a book on rats ;D
-
i think not ::)
-
you could learn
-
dont want to
-
book on plants?
-
boring, how about
-
a new car
-
a softop Mini 8)
-
or a sportscar
-
we could drive
-
all the way
-
there and back
-
to who knows
-
where we went
-
we wont tell
-
unless you ask
-
still won't tell
-
you are stubbon ;D
-
so OH says
-
lets buy a
-
round of drinks
(cheers) :D
-
are you paying?
-
not just now ;D
-
Have to save
-
or win lottery 8)
-
in our dreams
-
one day we
-
might be richer
-
Than we are
-
do hope so
-
we can try
-
dont give up!
-
or you will
-
no we wont
-
miss the jackpot
-
then I'd cry
-
till next week
-
when I'll win
-
all over again ;D
-
then I woke up
-
good to dream :D
-
dream every night
-
if no sweats ::)
-
what are they ;)
-
dont count chickens
-
no I shouldn't
-
only if you
-
know for sure
-
that it is
-
gone for good
-
and will never
-
ever, ever return
-
can you relax
-
oh the bliss :o
-
nice long sleeps
-
but no snoring ;D
-
rather snore than sweat ;)
-
relaxing sleep.. bliss
-
9 hours zzzzzzz
-
but hubby kept
-
leaping in the
-
warm swimming pool
-
making gurggling sounds
-
It was so
-
loud and annoying
-
a man thing
-
he wont be
-
happy when we
-
Get charged for
-
disturbing the neighbours ;D
-
especially John because
-
he loves to
-
cause trouble and
-
rings everyone else
-
then they all
-
join in the
-
Fun and games....
-
arguments and tears
-
making ups fun
-
Sometimes though it
-
goes too far :'(
-
and we all
-
end up getting
-
hot and bothered ;D
-
for a change
-
I like to
-
try a small
-
clove of garlic
-
added to my
-
bananas and cream
-
:sick02: need a bucket ;D
-
Ive got one
-
please pass it
-
do it now
-
I needed that
-
clean my bucket
-
say please first ;D ;D
-
if you dont
-
all clean now
-
about time too!
-
I was cooking ;)
-
I don't cook ;)
-
try ( to ) avoid cooking
-
for a rest
-
OH does cooking
-
which mine could ::)
-
microwave meal anyone? ;D ;D ;D
-
nah rather have
-
a nice big
-
succulent and jucy
-
piece of pork
-
with crispy crackling :P
-
and roast potatoes
-
then a walk
-
to the park
-
to feed ducks
-
and watch swans
-
avoiding the poo :o
-
and the mud
-
Splish splash splosh
-
needed the wellies
-
to walk through
-
the big puddles
-
left by the
-
the river overflowing
-
with goodness and
-
large fresh trout
-
beautifully steamed in
-
lemon and butter
-
served with lots (we always manage to get round to food)
-
of fresh garden peas [uncooked from my garden :-* ]
-
Im full now
-
what no pudding? ;D
-
maybe some profiteroles?
-
oh yes please! ::)
-
You'll get fat
-
fat but happy ::)
-
:whist: :na: .... very
-
clothes don't fit
-
muffin top hanging
-
have to buy
-
some new stretchy
-
clothes that will
-
look really sexy
think Lycra, think Tour de France :-*
-
on hunky men
-
or stick insects ;D
-
7 insects here [really, for School ::) ]
-
great big spiders
-
which I caught
-
and put them
-
into a field
-
In the field
-
stood a huge
-
bull, waiting for
-
me to run
-
which I did
-
far, far, away
-
but then he
-
came for a scratch
-
up against my
-
very very large
-
backside which is
-
now very sore
-
will have to
-
go to the
-
chemist for a
-
repeat perscription of
-
cream for bottoms
-
which size madam?
-
very small please ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
that'll be right!!
-
are you sure ?
-
maybe a medium ;)
-
are you sure?
-
yes im sure
-
anything else madam?
-
What's on offer?
-
How about our
-
Fantastic special offer
-
lotions & potions
-
ok, yes please (I'll put them on at the gym ;)
-
don't you dare! ;D ;D ;D
-
any deoderant required?
-
two cans please
-
of your best
-
could I also
-
before you close
-
have 2 boxes
-
of tena pads ;D ;D ;D
-
;D (how did you know I use them)
just in case
-
of giggling accidents! ;D ;D ;D
-
Giggling when menopausal?
-
Laughter best medicine
-
good for you
-
tena pads free [to good home: still] ;)
-
dont need them..(yet)
-
but I might
-
when I go
-
over the hill :o
-
and down to
-
the babbling burn
-
have a paddle
-
And wash my
-
dirty muddy knees
-
with pears soap
-
then smooth on
-
luxurious body lotion
-
cool body lotion
-
in full view
-
of the neighbours :P
-
Oh my goodness :o
-
they wont mind
-
so long as
-
you let them
-
use some lotion
-
That will help
-
stop the nosiness
-
draw the blinds
-
get some privacy
-
So you can
-
do some exercises
-
on the wii-fit
-
or go running
-
down the lanes
-
faster and faster
-
and before you
-
fall down hard
-
and break your
-
never catch them
-
but we try
-
to get there
-
if we fail
-
we try again
-
we are persistent
-
and will not
-
eat more cake
-
well maybe not
-
much more cake
-
especially those cream
-
ones with lashings
-
of strawberry jam
-
cornish cream tea
(yumm)
-
Very full now
-
need to sleep
-
or have more
-
exercise to get
-
my thighs and
-
trim and smooth
-
in my dreams :D
-
there is hope
-
that fairly soon
-
things will improve
-
sure they will
-
if they dont
-
just try harder
-
lets continue then
-
We'll have to
-
go straight outside
-
and put the
-
music on low
-
light the candles
-
relax there with
-
the chilled wine
-
(OOOh yes please minnie)
In a large
-
round chilled glass
-
a bowl of
-
crisps and peanuts
-
what time shall
-
we meet then
-
at 6 by
-
the large tree
-
anyone else coming
-
only if they
-
bring along a
-
their own wine
-
we could share :)
-
red or white?
-
medium, dry, rose?
-
we're not fussy
-
as long as
-
it is alcoholic ;D
-
beer is good....
-
like that too (especially boddingtons)
-
I'll bring the
-
credit card so
-
we can choose
-
what else we
-
could bring to
-
our exclusive party
-
on a beach
-
in the evening
-
watch the sunset
-
have a paddle
-
warm fluffy towels
-
held by hunky men
-
[oh Yes Please ]
with very warm
-
hands that will
-
ease my aches
-
if we're lucky
-
our patches will
-
make us more
-
relaxed and cool?
(dont use em)
-
thats the theory
-
will there be
-
a day when
-
we could think
-
clearly once again
-
that day will
-
surely come soon
-
I would pay
-
for us all
-
to feel wonderful
-
no ahces or
sorry aches
-
memory lapses and
-
panic or anxiety
-
tiredness and fatigue
-
Itching and scratching
-
leaving red marks
-
My large jar
-
of pink cream
-
is nearly empty
-
must go buy
-
another one soon
-
but untill then....
-
I will use
-
dettol and water
-
i find this
-
is a cheaper
-
effective treatment and
-
it smells lovely
-
when used on
-
the downstairs loo
-
and kitchen floor
-
and it kills
-
germs and bacteria
-
that gather on
-
all the surfaces
-
and in the
-
heat of the
-
moment i often
-
get all muddled
-
and put things
-
in the dishwasher
-
instead of fridge ;D ;D ;D
-
I'm so dozy
-
need to sleep
-
can't because if
-
I do I
-
will miss my
-
Favourite tv programme
-
and cuppa of tea
-
with choccy biscuit
-
after the snack
-
I have got
-
Pay some bills
-
And bens coming
-
round to fix
-
My plumbing upstairs
-
I'm having trouble
-
with my taps
-
they keep dripping
-
I wonder if
-
new washers would
-
Stop my dropping
-
dropping or dripping?
-
Oops! Dripping. ;D
-
;D
If it doesn't
-
Then maybe Ben
-
could help me
-
With my crossword
-
because I'm stuck
-
On three across
-
lost my dictionary
-
In the bedroom
-
I'll have to
-
buy another dictionary
-
don't have enough
-
for the bus
-
nevermind the walk
-
broke lazy and
-
Fed up with
-
Never getting anywhere
-
until I found
-
someone to help
-
Me with my
-
small problem I
-
really didn't think
-
far enough ahead
-
need a diary
-
To keep track
-
of whats happening
-
In my fridge
-
there could be
-
Something nasty in
-
the cheese drawer
-
Blue and furry
-
it's been there
-
For 6 months
-
Im very ashamed
-
I'd better not
-
let anyone see :-\
-
What would they
-
think of me
-
When I explain
-
it was because
-
Of the change
-
so thats ok
-
If take some
-
anti silly tablets
-
Then I wont
-
do it again
-
Not today anyway
-
I'm going to
-
Start on making
-
a big list
-
So I dont
-
make any mistakes
-
except that one
-
Tomorrow I will
-
Go and buy
-
bubble bath and books
-
And some chocolate
-
milk shake and
-
Some plain crisps
-
watch the crumbs ;)
-
In the bed
-
itchy scratchy sheets
-
Won't sleep tonight
-
NintendoDS then ..........
-
6 episodes doctors
-
aaahhh with sound down?
-
No bedroom tv
-
blanket on the sofa?
-
Buy an iPod?
-
I have one
-
iPod touch?
Using mine now to post
-
No iPad.
Using it now
-
Son has iPad
Do you play games on it?
-
Nearly every day
-
Plants v zombies?
-
Addicted to solitaire
-
Love Apple products
-
Pie or crumble :lol:
-
;D. I like both
-
So do i
-
Love blackcurrent pie
-
Takes me back
-
To the days
-
When my grandmother
-
And my mother
-
Made this for
-
my sister and
-
we always had
-
a great time
-
doing all sorts
-
fun and games
-
they were good
-
the old days
-
if only we
-
could meet again :(
-
maybe one day
-
why not phone
-
And see if (headache gone now Littleminnie)
-
someone is there
-
To talk to
-
you for some
-
perhaps if not
(glad to hear it Dyan)
-
Then see if
-
anyone else is
-
free for drink
-
And a nice
-
chat, about this
-
Change of life >:(
-
it will pass ;)
-
yes but when?
-
Who knows when
-
but it will
-
when we're old?
-
we are not
-
ever too old!
-
one we will
-
survive
two,we
-
take HRT
three
-
Oestrogen rules OK!
-
but if it
-
doesnt help you
-
start drinking gin
-
and ice cold
-
slices of lemon
-
straight from the
-
big american fridge
-
in the corner
-
of the kitchen
-
and take time
-
to make a
-
fool of yourself
-
and why not
-
treat yourself to
-
a long soak
-
with lots of
-
perfumed bubbles and
-
a small glass
-
of bubbly champagne ;D
-
you will then
-
be all ready
-
to tackle the
-
phonecalls that keep
-
driving you insane
-
All day long
-
"hello" "yes this"
-
is being recorded
-
for training purposes
-
I'm sorry I
-
dont want that
-
half price offer
-
or double glazing
-
nor loft insulation
-
only I've no
-
loft or windows
-
Or even a
-
healthy bank account
-
But what i
-
do have is
-
A small caravan
-
On the coast( hi Littleminnie ur ok?)
-
Just near a. (yes, you?)
-
Hot dog stall ( yes great thanks)
-
Where everyday I
-
Go and get
-
drunk as a
-
Skunk in a
-
pub with a
-
Somebody with money
-
Who will buy
-
me all my
-
Scampish fries and
-
pints of beer
-
and whisky chasers
-
And also a
-
bag of nuts
-
Just the one
-
a big one
-
to help me
-
make it through
-
the night without
-
listening to a
-
bedfellow snoring loudly
-
In my right
-
hand drawer there
-
was some earplugs
-
but the've vanished
-
a magic trick
-
not any help!
-
Need to try
-
to ignore snoring
-
it's not easy
-
separate rooms perhaps?
-
no spare room
-
so we'll just
-
Use cotton wool
-
sleep different times
-
Devise a plan
-
divide and conquer
-
Stand and deliver
-
money or your
-
Have no money :'(. (I'm trying to do this on my IPod as OH has nabbed the laptop)
-
life will do
[ have the same problem mine nicks the laptop as soon as he comes home from work]
-
what it wants
-
When it wants
-
how it wants
-
Why it wants
-
but for now
-
I'll just take
-
a few sips
-
Of my lovely
-
favorite milky coffee
-
a frothy cuppachino
-
with a nice
-
sprinkling of chocolate
-
and then I
-
will have a
-
few moments of
-
peace and quiet
-
chillax before the
-
football season starts
-
so soon? how
-
did that happen
-
not sure but
-
On the ball
-
should not return !
-
its man thing
-
they're welcome to it ;D
-
rather go shopping
-
anything but football
-
they like it :o
-
yes too much ;D
-
we have better
-
things to do
-
cant think of
-
anything at the
-
moment ...but garden
-
needs some attention
-
so do i ::)
-
but who from?
-
How about a
-
hunky fireman who
-
knows how to
-
get your fire
-
nice and bright ;)
-
a good poke
-
about with a
-
cast iron handled
-
very large poker
-
which he uses
-
with such skill
-
and brilliant accuracy
-
it sends me
-
into a frenzy
-
I can't control
-
my weak bladder
-
or my dodgy
-
hip so I
-
need to take
-
a pee quickly
-
or use Tena's ;)
-
don't have time
-
or any money
-
oh my this
-
is very difficult
-
For me to
-
try and hold
-
the large amount
-
On to my
-
very very small
-
Chest of drawers
-
I need help
-
To move it
-
because it's full
-
of my pants ;)
-
I must sort
-
Out the big
-
pairs and invest
-
In a few
Hi Littleminnie!
-
size 8 pairs! Hiya
-
which will never
-
be any good
-
because I'm a size 6 lol
-
curvy real woman
-
in my dreams
-
I'm size 8
-
But I'll have
-
another lovely pudding
-
then regret it
-
Tomorrows another day
-
can have more
-
Double chocolate gateau
-
rather have strawberry
-
I'm a chocoholic
-
strawberry for me
-
Chocoholics support me!!!
-
part of five
-
Bars of chocolate (sorry) :-\
-
of daily intake (health ladies)!!!! ::)
-
Fruit and vegetables :ange:
Is that better stumpy?
-
five a day
-
good for health
-
Keeps you young :o
-
like beauty sleep
-
Anti wrinkle creams :-\
-
and a good
-
Pair of genes
-
these will help
-
keep your tummy
-
flat as a
-
Sheet of paper
-
just like mine ;)
-
Goes when i
-
eat sunday lunch
-
fish and chips
-
and ice cream
-
With chocolate sauce
-
and wafer biscuits
-
all dripping down
-
my new top
-
messy little tyke ;)
-
That's what you
-
get when you
-
Don't wear a
-
a large bib
-
Like Little Minnie ;D
-
have you just
-
Had your tea
-
yes, I have
-
curry and rice later
-
Pizza and salad
-
Cheese omelette & salad
-
making me hungry
-
trifle for after
-
hundreds and thousands
-
fell all over
-
The dream topping
-
with chocolate sauce
-
devils food cake :o
-
full of fat
-
but so fine
-
And really tasty
-
willpower is needed
-
when trying to
-
diet and exercise
-
nothing too strenuous ;)
-
just a gentle
-
stroll to the
-
ice cream van
-
And cake shop
-
or salad bar
-
Being good Mel!
-
Wish I could... ;D
-
Eat whatever i
-
just love food
-
So do i
-
diets are tough
-
Makes you want
-
to eat more......
-
Of the bad
-
naughty but nice
-
treats that make
-
you feel good
-
But it doesn't
-
When you've eaten
-
far too many
-
packets of crips
-
(I meant crisps)
-
and strawberry tart
-
With lashings of
-
thick gooey cream :o
-
thick double cream
-
Sprinkled with chocolate
-
hundreds and thousands
-
With a flake
-
I like flakes
-
they are divine
-
All chocolate is
-
nice but I
-
like them all ::)
-
So do I :D
-
milk chocolate is
-
Is the best
-
with nuts in
-
galaxy whole nut?
-
damn it yes!!! (delish) :P
-
Also galaxy caramel mmmmmmmmm!!!!!
-
dark chocolate is
-
want one now!!! :'(
-
A whole bar?
-
yes yes yes (persuading OH to go to the shop)!! ;D
-
Chocolate Rules OK!
-
i like all
-
kinds of sweet
-
Skittles are yummy
-
jelly babies too
-
savoury ...cheese sticks
-
at a party
-
with a buffet
-
good old disco ::)
-
To jig to
-
a few glasses
-
booze and off
-
we go on
-
A pub crawl
-
around the town
-
Then a takeaway
-
Chinese or Indian?
-
I'd prefer chinese
-
fish and chips
-
Me too please
-
Not a good
-
way to diet....
-
need less calories
-
chicken with salad?
-
go for burger!!!
-
McDonalds cheese burger
-
oh yes please
-
had one yesterday
-
want one now
-
it's too early
-
i know but
-
do they deliver
-
to desperate woman
-
cheeseburger, chips, coke (if you're ordering)
-
am begging hubby
-
beg for me
-
on drive home
-
avoiding the riots
-
i think so
-
Terrible isn't it?
-
no respect for
-
me or you
-
football called off
-
overtime for police
-
good luck Bobbies
-
hope it stops
-
get water cannons
-
they worked before
-
and big boot ???
-
need the army
-
to take control
-
Of the ruffians( and thats putting it very politely)
-
living off us
-
with total disregard
-
for peoples property
-
or local business
-
just so sad
-
broom squad has arrived
-
wonderful riot Wombles
-
good for them
-
more good people
-
are needed to
-
show the world
-
That we care
-
about our country
-
And not let
-
the youths ruin
-
it for everyone
-
get clint eastwood... ;D
-
Nah too old ::)
-
Bruce willis ? (my oh looks like him so Im told)
-
Like Bruce Willis (can I come for tea Mel ;D)
-
His all mine (haha) ;D
-
would rather have
-
Arnie the terminator
-
don't like him
-
( nor do I. Just thought he could terminate the lot of em!)
Cop from docters
-
don't know him
-
Favourite Dustin Hoffman
-
like George Clooney
-
Not for me
-
also Gary Lineker (don't laugh)
-
;D ;D ;D sorry!
This will make you laugh.
Ken Barlow- Corrie( sometime ago though) :-\
-
Ken Barlow ;D (I don't feel so bad about Gary Lineker now)
David Beckham?
-
Nar!
I use to like Teddy Sherringham when he played.
I like football
-
Ayrton Senna :-*
-
I like vettel
-
Antonio Banderas? (yes I like him too) What football team do you support Dyan?
-
Norwich City yeah!
-
who? lol MUFC ;D
-
My sons 1st team is Norwich
But he's also an mu fan
Yellow and red
-
thats ok then ;D
-
If you like
-
you can watch
-
Norwich on sky ;D
-
that is tempting
-
Or even mu
-
its on Sunday (if they don't cancel because of the riots)
-
Son will watch
-
OH will be glued (to the sofa)
-
Come on reds
-
OH is excited
-
Half time beer?
-
yes, to celebrate
-
Another win for
-
the best team
-
In the premier
-
ship and captain
-
Ryan Giggs(is he still captain?) will
-
not be playing (no, it's usually Vidic now)
-
neither will my
-
other favourite player
-
wots his name
-
you mean Rooney?
-
Got no idea
-
me neither, can
-
not be bothered
-
have too many
-
other things to
-
try and remember
-
without slipping up ( see what I mean, ricky?)
-
fudging my words (yep yep yep)
-
and dropping things
-
all over the
-
kitchen floor and
-
having to mop
-
Up spilt tea
-
but my mop
-
Is broken so
-
using an old
-
Pair of my
-
husbands boxer shorts
-
With beano characters
-
the trouble is
-
They don't absorb
-
the dirty water
-
So I have
-
borrowed a pair
-
Of my dads
-
that should do (are you watching The Killing tonight Dyan?)
-
Because they're thicker
( The killing? Is that a new thing Littleminnie?)
-
and very large (no its been on for weeks, 7/13 tonight) it's brilliant. I started a thread about it)
-
much more absorbent
-
Which will do
-
nothing for passion
-
however hard you
-
Push the buttons
(liked the original "The Killing" with subtitles)
-
it wont work
-
must try harder
(seen that a lot at school)!!
-
because, if not
-
It will still
-
a big problem
-
And then everything
(hi Littleminnie ur ok?)
-
will fall apart (yes, you?)
-
And drop off
(yes thanks)
(haven't been watching the killing,by the way)
-
then we are Torchwood?
-
In a muddle
( No,but it does look good on trailers)
-
that needs action (do you watch TV? Lol)
-
Taken to put
( ;D yes I do. Corrie,eastenders,doctors,
a good old drama series,obviously not killing or
T wood lol, I'm into antique programs too and I like
films)
-
steps in place
-
feet in motion
-
on the move
-
lets sit down
-
have a rest
-
it is FRIDAY!!!!!!!
-
supermarket shop tomorrow :-\
-
housework to do
-
but we will
-
watch the football
-
Cum on Norwich
-
after the game
-
time for tea ::)
-
fish and chips?
-
sausage and fritata
-
d'e ja' vu
-
Before
-
we know it..
-
We will all
-
be very fat
-
be all cuddly
-
but will need
-
the toilet soon
-
And lots more
-
fresh fruit salad
-
topped with a
-
Chocolate milk flake
-
and strawberry topping
-
raspberry is nicer
-
Fudge for me
-
going on diet....(tomorrow)
-
Again to see
-
if I can
-
Cut down on
( hi ya Littleminnie)
-
my sugar intake (hiya)
-
Less chocolate >:( and
-
no more burgers
-
With fried onions
-
no more crisps :(
-
i had chocolate ::)
-
This morning for
( oh dear stump!)
-
my breakfast ::)
-
Now it's time
-
to be strict
-
And start doing
-
low fat meals
-
in my dreams ;D
-
got to be
-
Careful that i
-
don't eat toomuch
Can I get away with that for 3?? ;D ;D
-
Fresh cream cake
Well let you off Blue.Just this once ;D
-
still talking food
-
got raised cholesterol
-
Easy on saturates
-
no snacks between ...(meals) ;D
-
I need willpower
-
you can do
-
it if you
-
try very hard
-
going to start
-
tomorrow, or maybe
-
after my holiday ( I'll need to by then)
-
because by then
-
will be seriously
-
need to start
-
will keep trying
-
to lose a
-
few more pounds
-
I mean stones
-
Are really heavy
-
Will shift them (soon)
-
to look amazing
-
I can't wait
-
to see you
-
in your trunks
-
get the camera
-
so I can
-
take some pictures
-
to keep as
-
before and after ;D
-
I'll stick them
-
on the fridge
-
that will stop
-
me fridge picking
-
or maybe I
-
should just stop
-
stuffing my face ;D
-
and eat slowly :D
-
And savour the
-
delicate salad flavours... :o
-
Salad is the
-
Sort of food
( hi LM how's you?)
-
that doesn't fill (Hi, Dyan not seen you on here for a while, catching up on your TV programmes? Lol)
-
need bread and puds ;D
-
not going to
-
Eat too much
( hubby's been ill LM to and froing to hospital
and doctors. Suspected gall badder problem.
Awaiting blood test results)
-
then I won't (sorry to hear that Dyan, hope he's ok)
-
Then I should
(Thanks LM.He was in a lot of pain but dr gave him STRONG painkillers
and they have taken away the pain so he's feeling better in that way
but still very tired as ha wasn't able to sleep)
-
start my exercises (co-codamol?)
-
For 30 minutes
( No, something beginning with H)
-
(I was going to say, hubby was prescribed co-codamol once, he didn't go to the toilet for 5 days. He wasn't happy.)
every single day
-
And hopefully this
(oh dear! :()
-
will make me
-
Lose more weight
-
then, new clothes
-
And a holiday
-
on a small
-
Island off the
-
coast of Greece
-
I am taking
-
swimsuit and sarong
-
a good book
-
my suntan lotion
-
My HRT tabs (LOL)
-
and good looking
-
neighbour of mine ::)
-
and a fan.
-
Im having cocktails
-
no pims please
-
Just a nice
-
banana milk shake
-
Chocolate for me
-
Vanilla for me
-
With a flake
( hi LM)
-
And strawberry syrup. Hiya, how's OH?
-
Chocolate for me ;D
( he had pain again this morning but went after taking painkiller.
Thanks for asking)
-
You like chocolate?
-
Why'd you ask? ;D
-
don't like milkshake
-
Nice cocktail then?
-
Now you're talking!
-
Sense Little Minnie ;D
-
Mojito for me
-
oh ok Malibu.... ;D
-
nice white wine
-
rather have tea (and biccy)
-
that is elevenses
-
eveningses here though ;D
-
and at eleven?
-
nice cuppa coffee
-
milky cinnamon coffee
-
A frothy cappucino
-
sprinkled with 'chocolate'?
-
Of course LM ;D
-
are you addicted?
-
No,just love
-
lots of chocolate
-
but will cutback.....
-
Because I'm eating
-
packets of crisps
-
Cakes and biscuits
( Hi LM. How's U?)
( had to take OH to Drs again this morning. :(
He's pretty bad still although I think he's hiding some of it.
Drs keeping an eye over w'end but any worse then he has to go to
hospital)
-
sweets and chocolate (I mentioned the C word before you!) What does the doctor think it is?
-
Are really nice
(they don't really know.Gallstones,urine infection,liver infection
were all mentioned.More antibiotics and pills for gallstones.
I won't hesitate to get him to hospital if things don't improve within 24 hrs
as dr said.)
-
but sooooooo bad
OH had a urine infection a few weeks ago. They can test that in the surgery. He had pain, hot & cold, headache, no appetite. Got antibiotics, he started to improve after 2 days.
-
I'm not bad ;)
-
nor am I
-
Hubby wishes differently :o
-
ooo err Mrs!
-
What's going on?
-
not too sure
-
:poke2: it's a secret ;)
-
don't tell anyone!
-
not even me ???
-
different feelings today :o
-
better than yesterday
-
not as tired
-
as was before
-
been on vitamins
-
running all around
-
ended up with
-
a very sore
-
big left toe :P
-
perhaps its gout :o
-
too much port :D
-
and lemon with
-
A twist of
-
Lime and a
-
bar of chocolate?
-
;D well why not
-
May as well
-
Enjoy myself while
-
young enough to
-
do the things
-
I dreamt of
-
In my youth
-
which was long
-
long time ago
-
according to my
-
very dear Husband
-
whom I love
-
with all my
-
heart and soul
-
except when he
-
p**ses me off
-
By leaving the
-
back door open
-
because a stray
-
piglet ran indoors :o {this happened to Mum and I one Sunday morning many years ago: she was cooking bacon and eggs at the time ;D}
-
looking for breakfast ;D
-
but instead he
-
encountered something which
-
made him run...
-
at top speed
-
to his sty
-
under the straw :o
-
and peeps out
-
snorting very gently
-
just in case
-
the butcher finds him
-
sausages for tea (ooops dinner these days)
-
with beans and
-
chips with lots
-
of tomato sauce
-
and a coke
-
Followed by a
-
gooey chocolate pudding (we're obsessed with food ;D )
-
baileys coffee cream
-
feeling sick now :sick02:
-
Need mint tea
-
or a dose
-
Of indigestion remedy
-
which I keep
-
In my handbag
-
with my money
-
and credit cards
-
ready to spend
-
on anything I
-
have left over
-
from my budget
-
which is endless
-
because i save
-
for special items
-
and sometimes I
-
treat my husband :-*
-
to things he
-
likes, such as
-
a new shirt
-
with his favourite
-
football team on
-
I might even
-
treat myself to
-
Some new shoes
-
Jimmy choos or
-
a Radley Bag
-
or maybe some
-
posh beauty products
-
Molton Brown or
-
maybe I'll try
-
something completely different
-
and go mad
-
with happy delight
-
new horse rug
Sorry its coming to that time again :) :)
-
a lovely relaxing
-
weekend in hotel ::)
-
with a spa
-
fish feet treatment
-
and a manicure
-
then relax in
-
a nice warm
Hi LM!
Just got back from hospital,having a lovely cuppa and a chill out
-
bar, with a Hi Dyan, how is he?
-
Bar? Lol did u mean bath? Lol!
Packet of crisps
Getting there thanks but it's going to be a slow recovery.
-
No I meant bar, the ending would have been a nice cocktail lol
Salt & Vinegar
-
O sorry LM! Lol
Cheese & onion
-
don't like those
-
cheap packets of
-
crisps are horrible
-
walkers are best
-
like the lives (not as greasy)
-
I also love
-
large salted peanuts
-
Very moorish those
-
Dryroasted for me ;D
-
nice with wine
-
or freshly squeezed
-
orange, with gin ;D
-
Don't like gin.
-
how about vodka
-
don't like vodka.
-
with ice and mint
-
prefer red wine
-
To white wine
-
( I ) like cider shandy
-
I like bitter
-
Lemon and lime
-
without any alcohol? ;D
-
Mmm.
mojito was nice LM ;)
-
black tea [2] sugars
-
white for me
-
Crusty roll and
-
daughters homemade jam
-
my mouth's watering...
-
passes over "Kleenex"
-
To wipe my
-
Very very dirty
-
And sticky little
-
Finger that I
-
Put in the
-
Pot of jam
-
And lemon curd (Mmmmmmmmm!)
-
on Aberdeen Butterie
-
On Aberdeen what?
-
What's Aberdeen Butterie?
-
very very tasty ;)
-
quite fancy some :P
[even though I've never heard of it ::)]
-
So do I (what is it ::) )
-
Is it cake? :cupcake:
-
Is it bread?
-
is it a bird?
-
Is it a plane?
-
is it superjam? :D
-
will you buy
-
it from a
-
A bakers or
-
a candlestick makers
-
Blue tell us!
-
Tell us please!
-
If you dont
-
We will have
-
to take measures
-
to extract information
-
we have ways
-
and the means
-
of making you
-
Tell us all
-
look into my
-
eyes and watch
-
them cross like
-
a pendulem in
-
very slow motion
-
Then you will
-
Have to say
-
What it is
-
we need (to) know
-
as we are nosey
-
and can find
-
ways and means
-
of discovering the
-
The truth about
Hi LM.OH came home yesterday from hospital and is now
waiting to go in for gallbladder op.
-
things we need (is he feeling okay now?)
-
To know about
(he's feeling weak and tired and has a dull ache under his rib.
Hopefully things shouldn't take too long because he is going to use his
works private health insurance.)
-
because knowledge is so are you on nursing duty?
-
king and we
-
can do a
-
lot of damage
-
if things don't
(yes I'm being nursemaid LM)
-
go our way
-
Then we'll have
-
remedy the situation
-
Now it's finished
-
so lets talk
-
about bubble bath
-
ok, we will
-
Chill out in
(from nursemaid LM ;D)
-
the lovely smelling
-
Fragrance of ( chocolate ;D) lavender
-
The problem is
-
I don't have
-
a back scrubber
-
So I'll ask
-
The chemist if
-
he'll come do (it)
;D ;D ;D
-
or maybe I'll
-
ring up Jose
-
OOOH yes please [do you have his number LM?]
-
I might have ....
-
Pleeeaase can I... [have it]
-
it will cost
-
I'll pay anything
-
I have limits ;D
-
the limit is?
-
her limit or his?
-
her limit
-
has been reached
-
And she cant
-
think clearly or
-
Make any decisions
-
must be having
-
Mid life crisis
-
who us? or
-
the other women
-
maybe all of
-
us girls together
-
having one big
-
hot sweaty meltdown
-
I think we
-
should have ( a) holiday
-
where shall we
-
rest our heads
-
on Jose' pillow? ;D
-
;D ......... not no never
-
whose pillow then?
-
georgeous george clooney 8)
-
will he manage (all of us) :o
-
get bigger pillows
-
NOT George Clooney >:(
-
who then ckld? (you are so fussy ;D)
-
Have chocolate instead? ;)
-
Hmm yes please!
-
and me too!
-
chocolate AND Jose
-
Chocolate, Jose, George
-
Yeah a threesome :-*
-
Ok, why not ;)
-
Have to myself
-
Sir Jimmy Tarbuck?
-
No Little Minnie
Hiya how's you?
-
Sir Bruce Forsyth? Hiya Nurse Dyan, how is he?
-
Tom Conti tonight
-
Dustin Hoffman fan
Not too bad Littleminnie. Can't do much still quite weak.
Still waiting for appointment for op.
-
I also like
-
Kevin whately LM?
OH has heard from hospital.Appointment on 21st sept.
-
yes like him
-
back to game
-
right this moment
-
Why don't we
-
start again then
Last April I
-
fooled the family
-
by pretending to
-
have 3 legs
-
but it didn't
-
work because no-one
-
believed me, so
-
I kicked hard
-
and that did
-
the trick because
-
now I know
-
'they' weren't listening >:(
-
are "they" ever?
-
Not very often
-
too busy with
Morning LM
-
other matters involving
-
Tinkering with their
-
tools and their
-
Other bits and
-
bobs. Then they
-
just do something
-
to wind you
-
up like walking
-
Round and round
-
shouting at Sky ;D
-
and the referee
-
who knows nothing
-
about the game
-
of foot ball >:(
-
They should not
-
forget our views
-
On this game
-
because women know Hiya Dyan
-
Just as much
Hiya LM
-
if not more (my OH would laugh if he saw this)
-
About the off
So would my son LM
-
side rule
-
and free kicks
-
I might start
-
training for Norwich ;D
-
good idea, you I could watch you on the tv
-
;D
Could play centre
-
soft centre maybe ???
-
Caramel for me
-
Strawberry creams please
-
Coffee creams too
-
Don't like those
-
Chocolates with liquer
-
Don't like those
-
1lb box strawberry (creams)
-
yes, if you
-
really want to
-
Treat me wirh
-
kid gloves though
-
Instead of doing
-
the really hard
-
work of getting
-
me to move
-
my stuff out
-
of the big
-
room into the
-
cupboard in the
-
Corridor of the
-
old part of
-
the office block
-
I will hire
-
Paul Lambert to
-
get the players (just had to google him)
-
;D
To make sure
-
they keep up
-
with the girls
-
who buy shoes
-
and jewellery and
-
make up galore
-
In lots of
-
different colours, even
-
Several of each
-
perfume in bottles
-
Would look nice
-
on dressing tables
-
and window ledges
-
on bathroom shelf
-
I can keep
-
the best ones
-
for my daughter
-
then she won't
-
Keep using mine
-
;D
no-one to share [with]
-
you can keep
-
the ones i
-
don't really like
-
the smell of
-
and use them
-
down the loo
-
as air freshener
-
in the wheelie-bin
-
there lived a
-
Family of mice
-
Who rummaged around
-
At night when
-
the rubbish was
-
Nice and fresh
-
to find some
Off to bed now LM.goodnight.
-
Something for tea
-
to feed their
-
Little ones so
-
they dont cry
-
Out and wake
-
the house up
-
Then they will
-
fall asleep and
-
dream of cheese
-
and some breadcrumbs
-
Then when we
-
wake in the
-
Early hours we'll
-
hear them getting
-
excited and then
-
off they will
-
go squeaking and
-
running to start
-
lots of racket
-
upsetting the neighbours
-
causing a problem
-
for the cat
-
will get excited
-
When more rubbish
-
mean fun things
-
to munch on
-
soon though they
-
will leave and
-
go to sleep
-
in another bin
-
and the earplugs
-
can come out
-
and be washed
-
and stored away
-
ready for the
-
next time we
-
hear nightly noises :o
-
Scritches and scratches
-
howls and screeches
-
wind and rain
-
farting and snoring ;D
-
under the covers
-
somethings going on :o
-
Im going to
-
have to investigate
-
I'll start with
-
a long stick
-
and some string
-
I'll make a
-
Fishing rod to
-
tickle the ???
-
Hopefully that will
-
do the trick
-
If not i'll
-
have to think
-
Of something more
-
than the :whip:
-
I know, maybe
-
a little drink
-
would help to
-
Get things moving
-
are we constipated ???
-
Yes, that's why
-
my face looks
-
like it needs
-
to cool down
-
could do with
-
an ice pack
-
or ice pick
-
to help cool
-
down his big
-
throbbing lump on
-
his unmentionable swollen
-
ooo cant say ::)
-
if I did [say]
-
I would upset
-
my other half
-
go on whisper
-
he won't hear
-
don't SHOUT or ........
-
he'll hear you
-
he won't because
-
he's deaf as
-
a post, especially
-
when I ask
-
him to do
-
simple task requiring
-
him to think
-
about how to
-
worm his way
-
into my affections
-
and my bed :o
-
But I'm going
-
let him anyway
-
he's all warm
-
And the heating
-
is broken so
-
I need something
-
warm my cockles
-
Because they get
-
cold and numb
-
then they tend
-
to shrivel up
-
that is why
-
I keep mine
-
near the fire
-
along side my
-
special cleaning cloth
-
you clean what ?
-
my black poker
-
has gone now
-
but I will
-
get another one
-
and put it
-
somewhere very handy
-
So I can
-
use it when
-
I get the
-
urge to have
-
a good old
-
fashioned you know
-
poke ;D around?
-
;D
and maybe even
-
as an ornament?
-
Ornaments need dusting
-
Ok utensil then
-
to use for
-
cleaning out my
-
small silver teapot
-
Up the spout
-
with a toothbrush
-
and a small
-
cotton bud that
-
had already been
-
Used to clean
-
out my ears
-
and my hubby's
-
belly button fluff ;D
-
Maybe I should
-
be more hygienic
-
feel ill now ::) ;D
-
Take the medicine
-
Then all will
-
well, ready for
-
A nice meal
-
made by my
-
hubby and son
-
cheese on toast!
-
don't think they
-
will know where
-
to look for
-
All the ingredients
-
So I'll have
-
a jam butty
-
with peanut butter (yummmmmm!)
-
and some pickles
-
in some lovely
-
Very light vinegar
-
Then I'll have
-
very bad indigestion >:(
-
take some rennies
-
Banana marmite sarni (hmmm)
-
anything to ease
-
that horrible feeling
-
its very painful :(
-
suck a mint
-
it might soothe
-
and release the
-
trapped in wind
-
if it doesn't
-
I'll have to
-
jump up and
-
down and force
-
the wind out
Hi LM!
-
then all will
Hi Dyan, you Ok?
-
Be fine until
Yes thnx LM you?
-
It happens again
Ok thanks
-
I hope next
-
time though to
-
avoid anything that
-
makes any acid
-
erupt in my
-
very small stomach
-
I'll eat five
-
bananas to help
-
With my potassium
Apparently they are full of this
-
that should work
I try to eat one a day.
-
real ginger beer?
-
does that work?
-
be fun trying
-
especially with brandy ;)
-
oh not brandy :o
-
good for indigestion
-
georges marvelous medicine ?
-
what is: brandy?
-
i've no idea
-
have to google
-
oh it says
-
stick to mints
-
ok we will ;D
-
but if the
-
ginger-beer is warmed
-
and added to
-
[a] tall glass with
-
the crushed mints
-
a sprig of
-
yet more mint
-
we'll be overloaded
-
not with wind ;D
-
;D too much mint
-
maybe corriander could
-
Solve the problem
-
not corriander :sick02:
-
Parsley perhaps?
(Same here CLKD cant stand Corriander has a funny twang)
-
or a twist
-
of lovely lemon
-
drizzled with sugar
-
some nibbles too
-
what about some
-
Lovely potato chips
-
with some fish?
-
and mushy peas
-
salt and vinegar
-
old news-paper
-
Takes me back
-
to the days
-
When I was
-
very young and
-
it didnt matter
-
what I ate
-
i looked fabulous :(
-
if only I
-
I could still
-
be the same
-
Size I was
-
way back when
-
I was size
-
to fit anywhere ::)
-
and not feel
-
so body conscious
-
but never mind
-
still love me
-
live for the day
-
its all good
-
food and drink
-
for a party
-
dips and cupcakes
-
:cake: :drunk: :cupcake:
-
chocolate and wine
-
quiche and crisps
-
variety of sandwiches
-
Egg and ham
Norwich >:( LM
-
mayo and pickles
Oh dear
-
crusty bread and
-
Lots of butter :D
-
now, disco time
-
Abba's Dancing queen
-
:veil: :cheer: lycra
-
Platform shoes and
-
dancing around handbag
-
bright coloured laces
-
Then jive to
-
Johnny Kidd and
-
the bee gees
-
I thought Johnny Kidd was The Pirates ::)
Lulu
-
You've lost me CLDK :-\
Staying alive BG's
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_izvAbhExY
Now all dance 8)
-
to the music
-
[Johnny Kidd and the Pirates was obviuosly before your time ;-) ]
:ola: :parti: :cheer:
-
prefer Johnny Depp :-*
-
me too yum!
-
such a hunk
-
he's very strange
-
very very nice ::)
-
strange but nice ;D
-
lots of make-up
-
to hide the
-
blemishes we get
-
due to the
-
Life we have
-
been really enjoying
-
watching all the
-
Lovely dramas on
-
the TV, but
-
will have to
-
tackle the ironing
-
because its all
-
begining to look
-
like a laundry
-
or a chinese
-
takeaway with all
-
the dirty socks
-
But I'm on holiday!
-
That's no excuse
-
to let all
-
that ironing pile
-
iron when needed
It just gets creased in the wardrobe anyway!!
-
iron when bothered ;D
-
iron free clothes?
-
Where, where, where :D
-
in the shops
-
need cotton --flushes :cuss:
-
take a naked shower
-
or even Magicool
-
all these ideas
-
are making me
-
feel very cold
-
buy bed socks
-
or thermal underwear
-
I always wear
-
fur lined knickers
-
they tickle though ;)
-
in the wrong
Hiya LM
-
places for me
-
so I wont
-
always wear them
-
only when it Hiya Dyan
-
feels really draughty
-
and cant cuddle
-
OH because he
-
is watching football
-
so need the
-
referee to come
-
and stop the
-
the game so
-
I can put
-
what I like on
-
hopefully this will
-
warm me up
-
then OH will
-
make me a
-
a warm drink
-
and bring me
-
a newspaper to
-
read while I'm
-
munching on a
-
:o
rather large, but
-
delicious chocolate flavoured
-
chicken leg with
-
stuffing and cranberry
-
and all trimmings
-
washed down by
-
long cool drink
-
full up now
-
maybe some later
-
after my tea
-
pineapple cheese cake ?
-
just the cheese (thanks) ;D
-
cottage or cheddar?
-
rather have cheddar
-
I like mature
-
men or cheese?
-
;D quite fancy both
-
;D how old though?
-
has to be
-
;D how old though?
cheese or men?
-
not too mature (for either) ::)
-
men, about 60? (the exception being Duncan Bannatyne)
-
55 for men.....
[not too sure about cheese]
-
unless they're rich? ;)
-
Gerard Butler is
-
yes preferably millionaires.. ;)
-
Gerard Butler is ::)
-
he'll do then
-
who's Gerard Butler?
-
not sure, lol (but he's rich)
-
google him ladies (divine)
-
;D ;D yeah - who cares
-
If we win the Euromillions though we won't need him!
Anyway, back to the game
Very rich men
-
Jose = rich, sexy
-
Yes, like him. (even if he was poor)
-
but not a yaught [sp] !
-
Still wouldn't mind [Jose :-* ]
-
neither would I
-
say no to
-
being sea sick
-
or a cruise
-
round the world
-
in rough seas
-
and stormy weather.
Hi LM
-
done that once
Hi Dyan, are you better now?
-
me too, sick!!
-
Never again will
Yes thanks LM.Took a few days though to
get out of my system.
-
I wash my
-
underwear in public
-
I will only
-
do it if
-
a nice young
-
man comes round
-
to help me
-
...off with my
-
black silk ones
-
that get stuck
-
round the bottom
-
of my large
-
spin dryer that
-
is very annoying
-
and shreds my
-
See through negligee
-
and sheer crutchless
-
knickers, that I
-
wear when OH
-
is at work
-
I hide them
-
up the drain-pipe
-
he never looks
-
up there so
-
don't have to clean
-
my pipes out
-
too often anyway
-
only after I
-
flush too much ;D
-
which always happens
-
when oh goes
-
goes away on
-
A golfing trip
-
not for me
-
watch old movies
-
and new ones
-
Prefer old ones [movies - that is] ;)
-
like a change ;D
-
good as a rest
-
Too many cooks
-
spoil the broth
-
help nice though
-
even if it's
-
Just for 5
-
minutes or so
-
more like seconds
-
But never mind
-
going to hire
-
A bouncy castle
-
for Jose and
-
George to get
-
jumping fit - so..
-
They can keep
-
us happy while
-
I do housework
-
And looking out
-
over my beautiful
-
reflection in mirror
-
nope that's me
( sorry Coffeemate, couldn't resist;D ;D ;D ;D ;D)
-
mirror needs cleaning :)
-
do it yourself
-
need to use
-
no problem Blue...I don't mind a bit of competition ;)
need to use - more elbow greese
-
The problem is
-
I've run out
-
Need to borrow
-
my dads brylcream
Hi LM NCFC :) yaaayyy!
Man U :) half time
-
If he hasnt 3-1 now
-
got any I'll
Cum on you reds!
-
Have to go
-
And ask my
-
Next door neighbour
-
for some lard
-
Because he buys
-
loads for lubricating
-
his old bicycle
thought I'd better up the tone a bit ;D
Cheers LM your'e right only a wonky mirror would make me beautiful!! I can hope tho
-
chain that keeps
-
going very dry
-
and keeps squeaking
Morning LM.Good score for Man U. :)
-
Its time to
Morning Dyan, yes great score!
-
buy another so
-
he doesn't have
-
to buy lard
-
that will save
-
him lots of
-
time and money
-
and messy hands
-
Now he can
-
cycle carefully along
-
the road to
-
his local pub
-
for orange juice ;D
-
with a chaser
-
and pork scratchings
-
with cheese and pickles
-
and to play
-
darts or dominoes?
-
snooker or billards
-
choice is yours
-
quietly in the corner
-
next to the
-
lamp by the
-
1960s Juke-box
-
listening to ( Roy) Orbison
-
Happily singing along
-
to "Pretty Woman" :D
Hi LM how's you?
-
Until the door
Ok, how are you?
-
Bell rings and...
-
guess who appeared
-
Jose of course :D
-
the address is?
-
No way LM :-X [I'm not falling for it]
-
sharing is good
-
secrets are exciting
-
can we share?
-
only if you..
-
pay up front?
-
no secrets here >:(
-
you must tell
-
me all the
-
meaty juicy gossip ;D
-
about the way
Morning LM
-
you know who
-
is hiding from Morning Dyan
-
the neighbour who
-
knows it all ;)
-
because she spies
-
on all the
-
neighbours behind curtains
-
and writes down
-
all that she
-
sees during the
-
day and night
-
what a diary
-
she's been doing
-
it must be
-
a good read
-
maybe she will
-
write a book ::)
-
and call it
-
In my street
-
maybe a film
-
scare the neighbours ;D
-
they might move
-
away to a
-
an isolated cottage
-
where they can
-
party all night
-
without being watched
-
They can let
-
their hair down
-
and give it
-
lots of welly!
-
useful in the mud
-
mud face pack?
-
girls night in :)
-
:bbq: :cupcake: :party09:
-
pyjama party, when?
-
Friday OH away ;D
-
can I come
-
of course, will
-
get the Aga
-
going, and we
-
can cook up
-
something hot and
-
tasty and yummy
-
for our tummy ;D
-
not hungry now ;)
-
I'm always hungry :'( :'( :'(
-
so am I
-
always eating chocolate
-
covered with cream
-
bit sickly, that
-
sorbet is nice
-
it refreshes the
-
parts that other
-
foods do not
-
and then Coffee?
-
or a liquer :-*
-
chocolate mints included?
-
not for me :sick02:
-
cheese and buscuits?
-
A small brandy?
-
only a small ?
-
For medicinal purposes
-
why of course.
-
Now let's all
-
Start getting ready
-
glam and glitter
Hi LM
-
frocks and heels
-
all looking fabulous
-
ready to boogy
-
:ola: :whist: :cheer:
-
on down to
-
the light fantastic ::)
-
then home to
-
my bed with
-
big soft pj's
-
and a cosy
-
fluffy dressing gown
-
snuggle up with
-
a hot chocolate
-
topped with marshmallows
-
a good book
-
glass of port
-
and something to
-
keep me awake ::)
-
but not noisy ::)
-
not too stimulating
-
why not? ;D
just to relax
-
And watch some
-
old movie on
-
My new tv
-
that I won
-
in a raffle
-
at the bingo
-
I went there
-
to try and
-
forget about my
-
aches and pains >:(
-
guess who was
-
sitting on bus
-
William and Kate
-
no way, really
-
Yes, both were
-
sitting reading a
-
Mills and Boon
-
and the Beano
-
laughing at minnie
-
and Denis [the] Menance
-
eating a banana
-
Dipped in chocolate
-
William dribbled on
-
Kates knee and
-
Kate looked at
-
him and cried
-
out Oooo! William ::)
-
He just laughed
-
and said "darling..
-
"Shall I lick?"
-
it all off
-
Not in Public!
-
let's go in
-
the wc and
-
wash our secret
-
so the press
-
don't find our
-
bags from Primark
-
containing all our
-
sexy underwear that
-
cost us 50p
-
With the rest
-
of the bedding
-
and the bargain
-
vase we bought
-
for MiL and
-
Prince Charles, I
-
bought a lovely
-
new top for
-
him to wear
-
its bright yellow
-
to match his
-
socks and undrepants
-
it'll look nice
-
at NCFC when
-
he goes to
-
the match Monday
:)LM
-
the problem is
-
no red carpet
( only yellow ;D)
-
;D
he won't mind
-
if he sits
-
next to the
-
sub he might
-
get a game
-
after half time
-
but until then
-
he keeps scratching
-
behind his ear
-
perhaps he has
-
fleas, that he
-
Picked up from
-
camilla when he
-
Put his head
-
in her wardrobe
-
only to find
-
all her copies
-
of Ann Summers
-
stacked from top
-
in date order
-
and colour co-ordinated
-
in her drawers
-
no secrets then ::) ???
-
he also found
-
warm bed socks
-
a fleecy nighty
-
with buttons up
-
from hem to neck
-
at least Charles
-
Henry, George or Steve
-
can undo them
-
To get to
-
the sun-tan ;)
-
which was fading
-
top-up required ?
-
maybe sun bed
-
much too dangerous >:(
\\ should I begin a new continued thread// ?
-
your losing me? ???
how about fake?
-
on what CLDK?
Jordan Katy Price
-
We have lots of pages on this, maybe it's OK to have a running topic?
Jordan = F1 racing
-
Vettel to win?
-
Almost certain too >:( 8)
-
bit boring really
-
follow my leader ?
-
Touring cars best
-
for the speeds
-
and the drivers 8)
Some anyway
-
if only they
-
would come to
-
our local park
-
so we could
-
have a go
-
With the drivers ::)
-
that would depend
-
on whether they
-
brought their safety
-
equipment or not
-
because we'll need
-
to be protectef
-
from all sorts
-
of strange people
-
That might be
-
trying to harm
-
us meno ladies ;D
-
would they bother
-
because they know
-
saying 'no' is
-
easy for us
-
sleep more important
-
In the morning
-
yawning, stretching, coffee
-
I was thinking of something else once I had my sleep :P ;D
Tea, toast, ( more) tea
-
Then it's elevenses
-
:P should have been ::) - sorry!
Coffee and cake
-
Salad for lunch
-
afternoon tea of
-
Scone with jam
-
and clotted cream
-
then a nap
-
having sweet dreams
-
about that man
-
in the moon
-
who came too ::)
-
Didn't like him
-
because he wasnt
-
What I expected
-
I like men
-
That are really
-
sincere and have
-
Lots of money ;)
-
to treat me
-
to a nice
-
New wardrobe so
-
I can donate
-
My fur coat
-
to a cold
-
homeless person who
-
Lives by the
-
the banks of
-
the river thames
-
Near the bridge
-
of Maddison county ( good film)
-
with Clint Eastwood ;D
-
and meryl Streep ::)
-
real fur is popular
-
with teddy bears
-
Let's have a
-
picnic in the woods
-
with our new
-
set of teddies
-
We bought from
-
a little old
-
Second hand shop
-
yellow, pink, purple
-
are unusual colours
-
But they match
-
my new sofa
-
is it comfy?
-
only when I
-
remove the teddies.
-
have a picnic
-
in the sunshine
-
in the woods?
-
watch out for
-
the three bears
-
don't forget Goldilocks
-
who likes porridge
-
in a large bowl
-
with lots of
-
honey and sugar
-
and the company
-
of a chippendale
-
:o bronzed, tall and
-
Full of energy ;)
-
Vitallity and vigour
-
no not I ::)
-
for i i
-
You
-
Oops too short
You and I
-
will go to
-
an antique shop
-
car boot sale
-
on sunday morning
-
browse around and
-
grab a bargain
-
take it home
-
and cherish it
-
place it on
-
the mantel piece
-
next to the
-
antique clock that
-
no longer chimes
-
or tick-tocks
-
but looks nice
-
It won't be
-
any use though
-
so I'll store
-
it under the
-
bed then when
-
People come round
-
I'll bring it out (oops, that's 4)
-
Let you off ;D
and pretend that
-
And polish it (don't do 4 again, lol)
-
so I can
-
show it off
-
to my posh
-
friends who love
-
antiques and collectables
-
they will be
-
impressed with my
-
house now because
-
it has so
-
many expensive things
-
I'll have to
-
get some insurance
-
incase a robber
-
breaks in to
-
steal my ornaments
-
and jewellery pieces
-
and stops to
-
make a cup
-
of mint tea
-
and some toast
-
loads of butter
-
Smidge of jam
-
not food again ::)
-
;D just had dinner
-
so have we 8)
-
Gone off topic ;D ;D ;D
When that's finished ...
-
I'll see if
-
there's any pudding (oops food again!)
-
In the fridge
-
Which has not
-
been nibbled by
-
three 'hungry' dogs ;D
-
if it has
-
they get left-overs :scottie:
-
It saves buying
-
lots of cans
-
(or) bags of crunch
-
biscuits and bones
-
It saves money
-
so I can
-
Spend it on
-
some nice perfume
-
As a treat
-
for being good ;)
-
Sometimes I find
-
that I buy
-
cheap perfume that
-
smells like old
-
and sweaty socks
-
under the bed
-
because thats where
-
my oh puts
-
Them all, it
-
makes the carpet
-
curl up like
-
my toes when
-
the floor's cold
-
and think about
-
a nice hot
-
bubble bath with
-
Jose or George?
-
Neither,but if I had to pick one it would be
Jose
( manU 1-0 up LM )
-
Jose of course
-
What a surprise
-
for Man united
-
why what happened?
-
if Norwich get
-
a goal, but 1-0 Dyan to MU
-
Yes I know LM.
I put a message on other page for you
I think they'll
-
score 6 in
-
their dreams, but
-
none in reality ;D
-
Wes Hoolahan :o will
-
not score today
-
Grant Holt will
-
no he won't its all over
-
didn't even cry :-\
-
couldn't be bothered :)
-
don't like football.
-
how about athletics
-
nope - moto GP
-
Cars
-
British Touring Best
-
Ever been to
-
yep, BTC in Northants 8)
-
Hubby,son been
-
daughter driven Silverstone
-
around the bend
-
up the wall
-
round the corner
-
where I hide
-
From lecy salesmen
-
they never see
-
Me under the
-
branches of the
-
kitchen table, holding
-
;D oops
-
newspaper over my ;D I just thought you had a very unique kitchen table
-
Holding what CM? ::)
Head so he
-
won't see my
-
wig falling off
-
and think its
-
someone who is
-
drunk and disorderly
-
I dont want
-
men in white
-
coats driving me
-
away because I
-
can be normal .... :D
-
even though menopausal
-
Sometimes I wish
-
I was 19 (again)
-
Hot-pants and
-
red platform shoes
-
that I couldn't
-
run far in... ;D
-
cos I fell
-
and cut my
-
knees which stung
-
and went sceptic
-
then needed to
-
take anti biotics :'(
-
which i got
-
from the clinic :o
-
the one next
-
to massage parlour
-
it's red light
-
is an indication
-
for my partner
-
that I'm in
-
work mode :o and
-
can't be disturbed
-
He doesn't take
-
all that long
-
to make a cuppa
-
(lol CLKD) the problem is
-
it's cold outside
-
I shiver and
-
jump up and
-
quietly say this
-
maybe tomorrow ok?
-
he's not happy
-
because the way
-
he sees it
-
nothing is happening
-
fast enough for.....
-
him, so maybe
-
we need to
-
give him a
-
bit of encouragement
-
what I suggest
-
a deep bath
-
followed by a
-
deep skin massage
-
with lovely smelling
-
washing up liquid ;D
-
i'ts a cheaper ;D ;D
-
version, he won't
-
know the difference ;D
-
if he does (mine OH wouldn't know the difference ::))
-
more housekeeping needed
-
Tesco's value bubbles
-
or even ASDA's
-
should do trick
-
if it doesn't
-
ask the neighbours
-
if they could
-
spare some nice
-
smelling doggy shampoo
-
if they won't
-
help, you can
-
blank the neighbours
-
next time they
-
say good morning
-
Morning LM ;)
and ask you
-
for a favour
-
try to help
-
course I will
-
we all will
-
because we're nice
-
Merry meno ladies :)
Hi ya LM
-
we are merry? Hiya Dyan
-
Happy meno didn't sound right so I put merry.
Does sound like we've all been on the wine ;D
Kind and thoughtful
-
caring and generous
-
we support those
-
who are helpful
-
towards us and
-
do not judge
-
people who are
-
unhappy or sad <waves to Dyan>
-
Lonely and in ( waves back to you CLDK )
-
a sad state
-
we should all
-
buy flowers, chocolates
-
when we can
-
to show how
-
we appreciate the
-
help and support
-
that we get
-
on here when
-
the meno symptoms
-
really kick in
-
all for one
-
and one for
-
all, team meno
-
Go Girls Go ;) :cheer:
-
:ola:
:bouncing:
:clapping:
what colour strip
-
Purple and green?
-
could be seen
-
to be just
-
perfect, we could
-
even have pink
-
eyelashes so we
-
can flutter them
-
at the ref
-
so we get
-
our own way
-
with penalties and
-
the odd foul
-
language and tantrums
-
It upsets the
-
other team but
-
We don't care
-
our team wins
-
despite the aches
-
we are HOT ;D
-
and smokin!!
-
shower time now
-
walk the dog
-
make the beds
-
do the shopping
-
clean the bathroom
-
lie on sofa ::)
-
and watch TV
-
big fluffy slippers
-
hot chocolate and
-
my favourite book
-
a warm bed
-
and Jose Mourinho ;D
-
and Jose Mourinho ;D
It's my turn
-
to cuddle up
-
and watch a
-
football match, with
-
hat, gloves, scarves
-
beer and pies
-
whistles and rattles
-
shakes and rolls
-
In the casino
-
playing for pennies
-
to put towards
-
more new shoes ;D
-
Clothes and jewellery
Hiya CLDK! :)
-
<waves to Dyan>
warm winter nighties
-
fluffy dressing gown
-
lemon wooly socks
-
Nice cozy blanket
-
tuck me in
-
have a cuddle
-
then sweet dreams
-
hot chocolate first
-
then its zzzzzzz
-
under warm blankets
-
alarm goes off >:(
-
press snooze button
-
then I hear
-
other half snoring
-
So I wake
-
and poke him ;)
-
He brings tea
-
or brings coffee
-
And a rose
-
Oh I wish ;D
-
Me too!
He'd put more
-
sugar in though
-
with a long spoon
-
I stir it
-
then dunk in
-
A Ginger biscuit
-
because I have
-
4 packets, because
-
They're on offer
-
Love a bargain
-
especially when its
-
Something I like
-
Cheese & biscuits ... ;)
-
Cheese is fatty. (love it though)
-
but good for
-
Protecting the bones
-
to keep them
Just been out to walk the dog
-
healthy, so we
-
can skip, run, jump :gym: :ola: :banana:
-
;D then, we wake up
-
for a cuppa
-
and a smoke
-
then that list!
-
of daily chores
-
that is never-ending
-
always something to
-
Scrub or polish
-
maybe we should
-
forget it all
-
for today and
-
start over again
-
when we feel
-
more like our
-
young energetic selves ;D ;D
-
On a Monday?
-
no not Monday ;)
-
Don't like Mondays
-
I hate Mondays
-
FRIDAYS are better
-
Friday and Payday
-
like wine and
-
lots more wine ;)
-
HIC HIC HIC
-
tired, then sleep
-
until woken by
-
the b***** milkman
-
With his bottles
-
Of milk and
-
creaking milk float
-
yoghurt, cheese, cream [food again ::) ]
-
but not today ;D
-
fridge is full
-
and the diet
-
Must begin again !
-
maybe next week ;D
-
I will feel
-
in the mood ...(for dieting) ;D
-
I will be
-
totally focused
-
Buy one pair .. ;D
-
Of 8's jeans
-
or maybe some
-
some slinky lingerie
-
to wear when
-
the mood comes
-
sometime next year ;D
-
just be ready....................
-
and get prepared
-
check the chandelier .... ;D
-
and the ceiling
-
close the door
-
clean the mirrors ;)
-
with spit and
-
sit on the wardrobe
-
ready to pounce
-
when he arrives
-
with beautifully cuioffed ( I did use my spellchecker ;D)
-
hair with extensions
-
two feet long
-
so he can
-
tie them to
-
the four poster
-
and not fall
-
off the bed
-
when he is
-
doing what he
-
likes best, admiring
-
my very attractive
-
wolf whistle and
-
my new carpet
-
six inch pile?
-
no, twisted shag ;D
-
comb or vaccum ;D
-
neither, I prefer
-
to ignore the
-
dust and dirt
-
crumbs and hairs
-
when it gets
-
too bad I
-
buy another carpet
-
or sweep it
-
on the landing
-
and store it
-
for the birds
-
who perch themselves
-
on the windowsill
-
Outside my bedroom
-
whistling sweetly and
-
Tapping their beaks
-
for those crumbs
-
that OH dropped
-
rushing for bus
-
to get to
-
the meno clinic
-
He loves going
-
for a hot chocolate
-
Meanwhile I like
-
glass of white wine
-
Long soak in bath
-
candles and bubbles
-
Relaxing music playing
-
in the background
-
prefer scented shower
-
while my butler ;D (i wish)
-
rubs my back
-
with aromatic oils
Hi LM.
-
and a scourer Hiya Dyan
-
to exfoliate the
-
skin and remove
-
the rough bits
-
he's very gentle
-
and his touch
-
makes me want
-
to fall asleep
-
in his arms.
-
I can't though
-
because I will
-
probably drool over
-
his new trousers
-
which he bought
-
in M&S today
-
In the sale
-
£2, a bargain
-
Must go and
-
Buy some for
-
my son who
-
Likes new thing
-
because he's always
Off to bed now LM
Night,night!
-
wearing them out
-
on the knees
-
i can't repair
-
need some lubrication
-
for my joints
-
then I wont
-
bend and flex
-
when doing my
-
pile of ironing
-
which seems to
-
lurk in the
-
bottom of the
-
washing basket with
-
my sleeping dog :o
-
dogs basket now ;D
-
will have to
-
get another one
-
or use the
-
dogs bed instead
-
might be whiffy :-\
-
not if you
-
whip out the
-
blanket and wash
-
it three times
-
dog wakes up
-
then add some
-
of my very
-
special dog chews
-
and strong smelling
-
cheap perfume it
-
makes an impression
-
on the milkman
-
who comes round
-
early every morning
-
with my favourite
-
food, which is
-
strawberries and cream
-
and stays for
-
a light breakfast
-
with cup of
-
Mint tea, he
-
Loves my way
-
of buttering toast
-
with lemon curd
-
If I can
-
open the jar
-
of pickled eggs
-
without spilling vinegar
-
all over my
-
my new fluffy
-
Pink and white
-
bedroom shag pile
-
which I rake ;D
-
every morning, before
-
having any breakfast
-
because if I
-
lose the cat
-
I will be
-
in big trouble
-
with the neighbours
-
because I borrowed
-
It from them
-
long time ago
-
and I forgot
-
who, when, why
-
how, which, where
-
need new memory ::)
-
slots in memorycard ;D
-
Could we upgrade
-
to one which
-
Holds more information
-
on the menopause :-\
Hi LM.
-
Because if we
-
are kept updated
-
we feel better
-
and so do
-
others around us
-
especially our hubbys
-
Then they can
-
and then find
-
we are more
-
aware of whats
-
happening around us
-
Than they know
-
We're sound minded ;D
-
Well, maybe sometimes
-
we have a
-
little emotional wobble
-
now and again
-
I may explode
-
have a cool shower
-
then everything will
-
soon feel better
-
and we'll continue
-
to redecorate the
-
bedroom and bathroom
OH has promised faithfully before Xmas. But he didn't say which one ;D ;D ;D
-
;D Yeah know what you mean.
are looking quite
-
tatty now, so
-
have chose black
-
silver and purple
-
with pink carpet
-
gaudy I know
-
but with green
-
it should go
-
very well together
-
because bright colours
-
match my pink
-
basque which I
-
wear at weekends
-
when the kids
-
go to their
-
friends for a
-
sleepover. Hubby and
-
I wave them
-
off, then run
-
to the shed
-
and get out
-
my secret rubber
-
duck, then we
-
blow up the
-
small inflatable dingy
-
and play pirates
-
with Johnny Depp... ::)
-
oh how we
-
have fun sometimes
-
we certainly would.. :P
-
if Mr Depp
-
could find the
-
time to come
-
around here sometime ::)
-
Anxiety would disappear
-
I'd be stunned :-*
-
but very grateful
-
for his presence
-
what a man :o
-
He could bring
-
A box of
-
Southern Fried Chicken
-
to eat after...
-
We watched Strictly.
-
and before we
-
take our medication
-
that makes us
-
feel on top
-
form, with lots
-
of energy to
-
tackle whatever, whoever
-
whenever we want
-
so there, my
-
OH said that
-
I never should
-
on empty tummy
-
so, maybe dessert?
-
sitcky toffee with
-
a toffee sauce
-
lashings of cream
-
hands over plate
-
cant eat anymore
-
give me yours
-
would love to
-
but you ate it!
-
You'll be sick!
-
we are greedy
-
no I'm not :P
-
Well we are
-
'we' being whom
-
Husband & I ;D
-
Especially as we
-
often like to
-
play with food ::)
-
Pasta is good
-
because it fills
-
in the cracks
-
made by the
-
builder who knocked
-
Out chunks of
-
plaster from my
-
Brand new wall
-
now all my
Hi ya LM.How's U?
-
Carpet is full. I'm okay Dyan, are you ok?
-
of brick dust
I'm fine LM.Nch did well on sat. :)
-
Will need to. They did.
-
get a specialist
-
But I havent
-
the money to
-
Pay, so I
-
will bake cake :D
-
Battenberg like Mary's
Sorry was watching Marry Berry's masterclass on Great British Bakeoff ;D ;D
-
love the squares
-
and the marzipan
-
what about cream :P
-
and some marshmallows
-
with hot chocolate
-
Oh yes please :P
-
How many spoonfuls?
-
No sugar, thanks
-
mug or cup?
-
got tobe mug ;D
-
the one with
-
that face on
-
got tobe mug ;D
for tea or coffee?
-
such a big
-
handle, I can
-
hardly hold it!
-
drink all coffee
-
none left now
-
just made another!
-
need a wee
-
No toilet paper
-
the phone's ringing ...
-
clench and run
-
Tripped over the
-
dog, he was
-
Lying behind the
-
cat and I
-
Missed him, then
-
the phone stopped
-
Ringing. I was
-
wetting myself by
-
The time I
-
got to the
-
Commode. Anyway at
-
present I have
-
no problems arising
-
from my plan
-
to surprise my
-
family with the
-
outrageously expensive new
-
Tattoo on my
-
newly uplifted boobs
-
Unfortunately the tatooist
-
slipped and pierced
-
My double chin
-
so now I
-
look very strange
-
with three rings
-
hanging from my
-
shirt collar and
-
a diamond stud
-
on the tip
-
of my nose
-
I can smell
-
the family arriving
-
clothes smell of
-
stale cabbage and
-
flowery fabric softener
-
in the bathroom
-
I have put
-
soft towels and flannels
-
I really hope
-
the family go soon
-
I will then
-
open the wine
-
and chillax,curled
-
up on sofa
-
with good book!
-
a chocolate bar
-
And the remote
-
Spooks ,Downton Abbey!
-
Heaven in one ;)
-
then off to
-
have a long
-
brisk walk with
-
my Dog who
-
did a poo
-
with a loud :o
-
trump :o that made
-
[oh you call them that too - thought it was a family 'name' :-[ ]
the owner jump
-
yeah always have in this family ;D
and slide in
-
the wet mud
-
which went all
-
Over the new
-
thigh high boots
-
in pink plastic
-
customised with a
-
large purple bow
-
that was borrowed
-
from a lovely
-
transvestite who lives
-
In a tepee :o
-
on the beach
-
under the pier
-
at Brighton,where
-
ice cream is
-
in many flavours
-
and is very
-
creamy and morish
-
but is naughty
-
and we dont
-
think we can
-
have chips too
-
ooo sounds lovely ::)
-
Yeah! love chips!
-
am hungry now :-\
-
please help yourself
-
to the salad?
-
chips, bread, wine
-
so* the diet
-
failed again, I
-
must try harder
-
tell myself to
-
eat more fruit
-
vegetables, and drink
-
plenty of water :'(
-
(boring hell)
excersice is needed
-
to keep it
-
helathy and trim
(scoffing the buscuits as I type ;D)
-
don't like exercise (Im eating a packet of crisps lol)
-
Ricky! :-\ LM! :-\
where's the chocolate ;D
-
in the cupboard (I bought a pack of caramac yesterday, not had one of those for years)
-
That takes me back LM.Love that.
hidden away from
-
OH and son
-
chocolate addict daughter
-
cupboard is locked
-
and the key
-
in my knickers
(mmmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn caramac give us a bit) ;D oh and don't forget Dyan
-
so it's safe (no ricky, you have just had biscuits, don't be greedy)
-
unitl I go
(meany :( go on share)
-
to the loo
( what about me though LM? Ricky said!
-
plop, whoops the
-
key has disappeared (its only a small bar ladies!)
-
down into the
( a lick then :P)
-
bottom where I
me too :P
-
can see it
;D ;D ;D
-
I'll have to
-
get my marigolds
-
on and rummage
-
in the blue
-
murky depths of
-
My U bend
-
Never been there
-
what a surprise
-
found another patch :)
-
and a piece
-
of apple pie
-
wondered where it
-
had got to
-
when suddenly my
-
lavatory gurgled loudly
-
erupted like a
-
Volcanic burst of
-
molten lava and
-
mushy peas with
-
meat n 2 veg
-
and exploded in
-
my face, what
-
a horrible taste
-
do we do :o
-
the stomping and
-
grab the plunger
-
or the safer
-
option and get
-
the hell out
-
of here and
-
get a takeaway
-
Chinese for me
-
I'll have Italian :-*
-
mine's a pizza
-
I fancy curry
-
Pizza for me
-
washed down with
-
a glass of red
-
Wine and a
-
bottle of bubbly
-
pop the cork
-
but watch your
-
aim...your eyes
-
may get bruising
-
may be worth
-
wearing goggles to
-
fight them off
-
Don't want to
-
get anything stuck
-
because I'll have
-
to go to
-
the hospital and
-
lie down for
-
them to take
-
the test and
-
pass or fail
-
the breatheliser and
-
if I fail
-
don't give a dam
-
but I won't
-
not enough puff
I was breathalised on a visit to a police station with the SWRI, I really didn't have enough puff its really difficult. A friend was in a car crash and they breathalised her as she was going into the ambulance with possible back injury. I know they have to but ...
-
so maybe they
-
will take a
-
a running jump
-
off a high
-
diving board into
-
cool blue water
-
beside golden sands
-
In the water
-
swimming with fish
-
were some very
-
freaky looking crabs
-
they had big
-
hairy fat appendages
-
It's a wonder
-
they can float
-
plenty of meat
-
on their bones
-
They will make
-
A lovely meal
-
for my friends
-
We like to
-
have a chat
-
and swim together
-
in our armbands
-
wearing our cossies
-
and ear plugs
-
with swimming caps ( remember the old days)
-
what a sight ;D
-
for sore eyes
-
OPtrex eye drops
-
Will stop the
-
itching and stinging
-
remember don't rub
-
or you'll cry
-
me a river
-
Don't have tissues
-
off to shops
-
dont be long
-
Because we have
-
to visit old
-
Mother Hubbard who
-
was about to
-
eat ice cream
-
but cupboard's bare
-
So she's hungry
-
and very sad
-
but not defeated
-
She will summon
-
her personal genie
-
who was squeezed
-
Into the lamp
-
by the nasty
-
smelly swamp monster
-
who loves to
-
torment us with
-
His water pistols :-*
-
but we'll get
-
our own back
-
by filling up
-
the pistols with
-
batter mixture, mixed
-
caterpillar custard and
-
the sludge from
-
The local river
-
which might have
-
Fish guts too
-
and dead eels
-
They will stop
-
them coming further
-
Towards my house
-
I can now
-
get on with
-
gutting the eels
-
a tricky messy
-
job that I
-
just love doing
-
I savour the
-
Moment when I
-
feel the goo
-
eels aren't gooey ............ but they do wriggle when put into the pan ;-)
"feel the goo" ........... blood and guts
-
Then I feel
-
in the mood
-
Doing something crazy
-
like eating eels
-
with pickled cabbage
-
when suddenly a
-
gust of wind
-
knocked my off-balance
-
I fell on
-
the fishing nets
-
the fishermen were
-
laughing that much
-
I had no
-
help at all
-
they just stood
-
there, I was
-
red with rage
-
they didn't care
-
so, I planned
-
my revenge, I'm
-
going to show
-
them what happens
-
I've got my
-
supply of tricks
-
left over from
-
halloween, there are
-
funny teeth, masks
-
lots of lollies
-
and fake blood
-
and eel guts
-
tonights the night
-
revenge is sweet
-
so is honey
-
But tastes disgusting
-
not honey doesn't!
-
Don't like it
-
neither do I
-
like jam though
-
on soft bread
-
from the bakers
-
it smells divine
-
oh Bisto ;)
-
with roast beef
-
and Yorkshire pudds
-
and lots of
-
roast potatoes with
-
garlic and rosemary
-
cooked in goose
-
fat, they will
-
taste fantastic, I
-
may eat 12
-
and lie down
-
For an hour
-
just to refresh
-
So that tonight
-
I can get
-
a lovely dinner
-
out, at my
-
local posh restaurant
-
It's very expensive
-
so I won't
-
have a starter
-
just a main
-
no dessert either
-
chocolate gateaux in
-
no dessert Dyan
-
in my dreams ;D
-
no wine either
-
boring evening but
-
better than nothing
-
I could always
-
not bother going
-
out and indulge
-
on a sandwich
-
toasted as well? [Himself and I ate a sandwich lunch one day last week then went to the local Pub for one of their wonderful puds.!] :-*
-
served with salad
-
followed by cheesecake
-
not for me
-
Don't like Cheesecake
-
apple crumble and
-
cream, icecream, custard
-
I suddenly burped
-
sorry, excuse me
-
everyone is looking
-
I smile and
-
scrape my bowl
-
with my tongue
-
and get custard
-
in my eye
-
The man at
-
the cake shop
-
stares at my
-
eye and thinks
-
hundreds and thousands
-
would look good
-
on top of
-
my eye lid
-
I could ice
-
my face and
-
put a cherry
-
on my nose
-
and pretend I
-
am a belgian
-
bun, do you
-
think someone will
-
take a photograph
-
for a new
-
home baking magazine
-
for us meno
-
ladies to peruse
-
when we get
-
a relaxing moment
-
to clear our
-
brains and feelings
-
and find food
-
That makes us
-
all very happy
-
till later when
-
the hot flushes
-
and bloating started
-
serves us right
-
for stuffing our
-
faces, we should
-
doze this afternoon
-
then make whoopee
-
before tea, because
-
too tired after
-
and too full
-
better walk dogs
-
clears the head
-
gets happy hormones (for a change :'( :'( :'()
-
makes me feel
-
less stressed and
-
don't like dogs
-
because they make
-
the kitchen floor
-
all hairy and
-
dump big poos
-
that smell horrible
-
and stain the
-
new tiles that
-
OH put down
-
only last week
-
He'll be furious
-
must get mopping
-
so he doesnt
-
from peeling onions
-
start to cry :'(
-
but then, laughs
-
like a hyena
-
in spite of
-
blowing my nose
-
on his shirt
-
of many colours
-
Handmade and bought
-
At Covent Garden
-
when we went
-
for a stroll
-
to talk about
-
our financial budget
-
but instead we
-
found ourselves shopping
-
sod the budget
-
life's for living
-
so let us
-
enjoy the moment
-
spend!! spend !! spend !!
-
Money all spent
-
Now I am
-
broke but have
-
few pennies left
-
to buy a
-
new handbag for
-
a very special
-
occasion, like a
-
girls night out
-
red, black or
-
white, or maybe
-
purple and red
-
so many choices
-
can't decide because
-
all things considered
-
I feel hungry
-
maybe some chocolate?
-
yes please! and
-
melted with strawberries
-
meringue and cream :P
-
sprinkled with flaked
-
dairy milk chocolate
-
afterwards I'll see
-
if I'm sick. :(
-
reach for bucket
-
eaten too much
-
must stop doing that
-
because I'll put
-
the weight back
-
on that i
-
lost last week
-
and wil have
-
to be strong
-
willed and start
-
watching the things
-
I put into
-
my small mouth ::)
-
take little nibbles ;D
-
or just a
-
big mouthful so
-
I can't talk ::)
-
My OH will
-
be delighted, he
-
never has the
-
guts to eat
-
snails or caviare ;D
-
just sticks to
-
sausage and mash
-
whatever that is
-
yummy comfort food :P
-
warm and soothing :-*
-
good British fodder ;D
-
lifts your mood
-
With onion gravy ;)
-
proper pork sausages
-
cheesy mash potato
-
toad in hole
-
Room for dessert?
-
no, full up
-
will have one
-
in a minute ;D
-
need to burp ::)
-
and pass wind
-
oh sorry pardon
-
now, where were
-
stuffing ourselves silly!
-
ah yes, pass
-
me the stodge
-
and the beers
-
lets get started
-
munch munch slurp
-
1000 calories used
-
so soon? I've
-
only just started
-
my fridge is
-
still rammed with
-
packets and cans
-
nevermind I'll persevere
-
until I'ts empty
-
wont take long
-
I have friends
-
who'll help me
-
they just arrive
-
in time, I
-
do so enjoy
-
drinking with friends
-
seeing who can
-
stay awake, I
-
usually am the
-
first to fall
-
lightweight thats me
-
overweight, that's me !
-
bag of nuts?
-
coal or slag
-
light my fire
-
to make the
-
room feel cosy
-
phew i'ts getting
-
a bit warm
-
move me I'm
-
sweating buckets and
-
throwing off clothes
-
The man next
-
to me fainted
-
at the sight
-
of my divine ::)
-
bootylicious voluptuous form
-
they cant get
-
enough of my
-
cheese and crackers
-
grapes on the side
-
with a glass
-
of fine wine
-
and his touch
-
caught my breath
-
then I choked
-
on a piece
-
of mature Cheddar
-
he ran off :o
-
to get help
-
came back with
-
a policeman who
-
grabbed me by
-
my left elbow
-
and cuffed me
-
round the head
-
the shock sent
-
my false teeth
-
flying through the
-
air. They landed
-
in a pool
-
That was deep
-
cold and wet
-
Luckily a diver
-
came swimming by (:D Where is this going???:D)
-
retrieved my teeth,
-
he rescued me
-
mouth to mouth
-
A crab walked
-
Over my head
-
and pinched my
-
nose tip ... Ouch >:(
(this story is developing like someone taking
hallucinating drugs ;D)
-
I could feel
-
myself drifting off
-
then suddenly i
-
felt myself falling
-
from high cliff
-
I woke to
-
the sound of
-
The Last Post
-
dropping on the
-
shed roof, so
-
I ate moss
-
and was promptly
-
having hallucinations, I
-
thought I saw
-
a giant slug
-
make me happy
-
then I puked
-
all over his
-
brand new jeans
-
that really fit
-
in the right
-
Places. Cost £90
-
Expensive but worth
-
the pain and
-
Scrimping I had
-
tickled his toes
-
made him giggle
-
And then he
-
yelled like Tarzan
-
& called "JANE"
-
this role play
-
makes me hungry
-
for a nice
-
Piece of cake
-
washed down with
-
half a pint
-
of water,sorry :-\
-
to detox my
-
sluggish system which
-
needs a prod
-
now and again
-
Drinking a glass
-
of prune juice
-
will moved it
-
rush to loo
-
because it's fast
-
no toilet paper!
-
Top gear magazine!
morning LM u ok?
-
its this weeks? Fine, how are you?
-
dare I use
will PM u LM
-
son will be annoyed
-
so will OH >:(
-
I'll use newspaper
-
to light the
-
candle in there
-
because their igloo
-
has no windows
-
and no toilet ;D
-
which is a problem
-
when runnies strike
-
change the subject?
-
toilet humour stinks? ;D Sorry Trey ok change of subject...
time for tea
-
Would you like
-
two minutes silence
-
to contemplate those
-
lest we forget
-
those lost souls
-
who fought for
-
Us during conflicts
-
between countries that
(did u get your ironing done LM?)
-
were fighting for
-
servicemen and women
-
always remember them.
-
Poppy fields blow
-
with magnificent beauty
-
and very colourful
-
their seeds spread
-
and lie dormant
-
only to reappear
-
when least expected
-
colouring our world
-
raising our spirits
-
making us remember
-
our garden's overgrown
-
with flowering honeysuckle
-
with beautiful aroma
-
honey bees humming
-
Sweet peas and
-
allergies and sniffling
-
pass the hankies
-
film was sad
-
I cried buckets
-
of wet salty
-
tears that ran
-
all over his
-
beautiful silk tie
-
the end onto
-
Cat wasn't pleased
-
it hissed and
Hi LM
-
scratched my arm
-
Ouch, that hurt
-
need some antiseptic
-
a soothing salve
-
To reduce swelling
-
because if my
-
Arm swells up
-
I won't be
-
Able to fly
-
my remote control
-
Then I'm snookered
-
so I'll watch
-
I'm a celebrity ;D
-
till the time
-
comes for me
-
to sleep well
-
and wake refreshed (in my dreams)
-
because 8 hours
-
tossing and turning
-
makes me hungry
-
and very tired
-
So I doze
-
then eat a
-
Some mushrooms because
-
MASSIVE chocolate muffin
-
I ate yesterday
Hi LM
-
and again today
-
So, feel fat
-
for a while
-
Maybe until tomorrow
-
and fabulous again
-
will have cheeseburger ;D
-
but no relish
-
not for me :sick02:
-
I prefer a
-
toasted cheese sandwich
-
With onion sometimes
-
Could cause wind ;)
-
not good if
-
out in public
-
oh the shame
-
especially when really
-
burpy as well
-
So I'll suck
-
a strong mint
(Hi LM)
-
That will work. Hiya Stumpy
-
and then I
-
spat it out
-
and ran to
-
the wine cellar
-
filled my glass
-
and got sloshed
-
Absolutely loved it
-
and wobbled home
-
Singing nursery rhymes
-
while skipping along
-
like a fool
-
Singing out loud
-
the Hallelujah Chorus
-
"Hallelujah,hallelujah,hallelujah!
-
deep deep breaths
-
in..... and out........
-
shake it about
-
shake that booty
-
twist & shout
-
boogy on down
-
collapse with exhaustion
-
in a heap
-
On the floor
-
while doing sit-ups!
-
oh what joy
-
feel the burn!
-
no pain no gain
-
need a paracetamol
-
to ease my
-
creaks and cracks
-
it always helps
-
a stiff drink
-
or chocolate bar
-
oh yes chocolate
-
white for a change
-
followed by a
-
nice little nap
-
someone say CHOCOLATE??
-
Break a Piece
-
i don't share
-
all for me
-
don't be greedy ;D
-
you'll be sick
-
followed by cramps
-
then,oh dear!
-
but so enjoyable
-
that I might
-
have another nibble
-
or another chunk
-
of yummy chocolate
-
No, maybe not
-
I've no willpower
-
fight the urge
-
I need help ::)
-
On my way
-
to the nearest
-
indulgent sweetie shop
-
resistance is futile
-
I need sugar
-
chocolate biscuits and
-
a cafe mocha
-
sprinkled with more
-
Flakes of chocolate
-
I'm choc full
-
Work it off
-
maybe sleep first
-
and dream of
-
a golden beach
-
With palm trees
-
a gentle breeze
-
blowing across my
-
tanned flat stomach ::) ;D
-
that doing situps
-
had given me
-
worth the pain
-
really worked hard
-
and sweating now ;D
-
Need to shower
-
with my new
-
lotions & potions
-
smelling absolutely gorgeous
-
for my OH
-
when bedtime comes
-
then we'll have
-
A night of
-
tossing & turning
-
sweating & burning
-
caused by all
-
this lack of
-
Estrogen, that we
-
ran out of
-
really sucks sometimes
-
But never mind
-
tommorrow is another
-
that we can
-
hopefully cope with
-
everything that comes
-
the mood swings
-
hot flushes and
-
waking before 6am >:(
-
tousled and disheveled
-
heart pounding fast
-
head spinning and
-
Knickers in a twist :o
-
I need to
-
hoover, dust,mop
-
then feet up
-
cuppa and cake
-
then start again
-
Ironing needs doing
-
stuff the ironing!
-
Bex! You like creases? Lol
Watch the tv
-
put feet up
Littleminnie ~ Most of my clothes are iron proof. Only ironing I do is OH's work shirts and even then one at a time when needed.
-
Have a snooze
I'm obviously buying the wrong clothes then cos all mine seem to need ironing.
-
then a stretch
-
and cook dinner
-
whoops read that as 'OH's work skirts' note to self: must clean glasses!
then fill dish-washer
-
Add the powder
-
press start button
;D @ work skirts
-
then start vacummning >:(
-
and start singing
-
the lyrics of
-
Bill and Ben
-
the Flowerpot men
(anyone remember a band called that sang Let's go to San Francisco)
-
Flower Pot Men?
-
Lunch time programme
-
watch with mother
-
Andy Pandy too!
-
Loved Andy Pandy
-
what about Bagpuss
-
and The Woodentops!
-
children tv - great!
-
time for Smarties
-
We'll be hyper
-
rushing about doing
-
cartwheels and somersaults
-
just like my
-
old school friends
-
from memory lane
-
But now we're
-
just think back
-
I played marbles
-
in the drains
-
where I cleaned
-
my brushes that
Hi CM how r u?
-
painted sand pictures
-
on my patio
-
I've put some - OK thanks Dyan - you?
-
deck chairs so we
will send u PM CM
-
can sit in the rain
OK Dyan.
-
in our raincoats
-
and sun glasses
-
sipping cocktails and
-
eating ice cream
-
With a chocolate flake
-
and whipped cream
-
I hope that
-
I can fit
-
Into my new
-
dress for the
-
Christmas 'do' because
-
It will be
-
A posh affair
-
with lots of
-
Men wearing dickie
-
Now ties and
-
not much else ;D
-
'bow'? now?
oh I wish :o
-
they would jiggle
-
and wiggle and
-
do the can-can
-
but would they
-
shake those booty's?
-
dance with me
-
let yourself go
-
up and away
-
Disco lights flashing
-
handbags on floor
-
sweaty hot breathless
-
doing the twist
-
then the shake
-
of the booty
-
then fall over ;D
-
because my stillettos
-
slipped on the
-
dropped cucumber slice
-
It ruined my
-
false eye lashes
-
that were hanging
-
by my knees
-
Because the dog
-
tried to eat
-
My new hat
-
and boot socks
-
down Fido! down!
-
It was useless
-
he was determined
-
to have his
-
way but i
-
had a bone
-
which I found
-
behind the freezer
-
I tossed it
-
across the garden
-
under the bushes
-
and went indoors
-
5 minutes later
-
for some chocolate :o
-
didn't have any!! :'(
-
:'( so my craving
-
never went away Hiya Dyan, how r u?
-
until I had
-
some hot chocolate
-
so comforting and
Not too bad LM thanks.
Things are picking up again. :)
How u?
-
warming, especially when Im ok thanks
-
I'm cold( which isn't very often ;D) and
-
shivering. I need
-
a wrap around
-
to keep my
-
hot water bottle
-
close by me
-
and my "onesie" ;D
-
warm and comfy
-
jumping into bed
-
under electric blanket
-
I snuggle down
-
now the dog..
-
has taken over
-
Down Fido! Down! ;D
-
He will ruin
-
my new duvet
-
That I bought
-
from John Lewis
-
And cost me
-
£50 because its
-
so temptingly chewable
-
To the dog
-
and the cat
-
But I prefer
-
to ignore all
-
the warnings and
-
stay calm and
(hi minnie you ok?)
-
read my book fine Ricky, you?
-
until my eyelids
FFFFFFFFFFFFfantastic thanks
-
start drooping then have you been drinking lol
-
I turn out
Only the one pint ;D
-
my bedside lamp pint of ..... vodka?
-
and drift into (LOL larger ;D)
-
a dreamy sleep
-
I wake sweating
-
fan goes on
-
and blows all
-
My rose petals (OH scatters them on the bed every night)
-
;D very romantic LM
in my pot
-
It's so annoying
-
petals get everywhere
-
some end up
-
Down the toilet
-
blocking U bend
-
Dyno rod man
-
tripped over cistern
-
a translation please
-
a translation please
Dyno rod man = special plumber deals with blocked pipes
Cistern = toilet thing that holds water for flushing
;)
-
fell on floor (thanks, we call it roto-rooter man)
-
plunger in hand
-
I offered help
-
but he refused
-
limping he left
-
such a wimp
-
but suddenly along
-
came the most
-
nice looking paramedic
-
with a six-pack
-
and lovely eyes
Hi LM
-
She was beautiful ;D Hi Dyan, Utd play tonight
-
long blonde hair
Oh yes LM.Carling cup?
-
obviously dyed though ;) Yes
-
because she's worth ...
-
around um,er.....
-
lots of dosh
(Sorry, I was thinking "because she's worth it" but it's more than 3 words)
-
which she worked
-
to her advantage
-
By showing her
-
red shiny boots
-
And green tights
-
and slim legs
-
Hi! I'm Barbie! ;D
-
I'm meeting Ken
-
He's got a van
-
to pick me
-
up and drive
-
weally fast up
-
quiet country roads
-
with his hand
-
on his gear ::)
-
occasionally my thigh
-
would brush against
-
the leather gearstick
-
causing some friction
-
and funny feelings
-
in region of
-
The Outer Hebrides
-
Which I like
-
when the sun shines
-
three words CLKD ;)
-
Warms my neck
-
like woolly scarf
-
or hot flush
-
but keep losing
-
my thoughts, now
-
it's so cold
-
I don't mind
-
so long as
-
i can remember
-
to get dressed
-
crab and lobster
-
salad and crisps
-
Lovely at breakfast
-
with orange juice
-
bits or smooth ???
-
got to be
-
a yummy smoothie
-
not for me
-
bits and chilled [not bits *are* chilled ;D ]
-
Afterwards I usually
-
Have some toast
-
with organic honey
-
and filter coffee ;)
-
with extra caffeine
-
on the loo ::)
-
why on the loo :-\
-
too much caffeine?!?!
-
have de-caff then!
-
needed a kick!
-
to get going
-
then can't stop ;D
-
block the toilet
-
Get the plunger
-
please release me
-
I have to
-
Go to work
-
on an egg
-
and a carpet
-
that needs hoovering
-
not today though
-
tree decorating time!
-
tangled the lights >:(
-
got the scissors
-
should I cut?
-
yep snip away
-
through the wire :o
-
Need new lights
-
wait for the sales
-
Need them now
-
winking or static?
-
white or coloured?
-
static and white
-
don't like flashing ::)
Hi LM
-
my tree's black Hi Dyan
-
skull head decorations? ;D
-
lots of tinsel
-
mine's not up
-
Neither is mine. (too early yet)
-
don't like tinsel
-
bits fall out
-
Very 1990's. Lol
-
Can you remember ...........
-
Glass balls and
-
Walt Disney lights?
-
angel in dress
-
big coloured bulbs
-
some sparkly tinsel
-
and chocolate baubles
-
eat some as
-
put them on
-
and you will
-
gain several pounds ;D
-
Before Xmas day
-
time for feasting
-
dozing and reading
-
Indulging and Dancing
-
tripping and skipping :o
-
through the crowds
-
to the Sales
-
elbow in ribs >:(
-
GET SOME BARGAINS!! ;D
-
Like a bargain
-
or some bartering
-
not in M&S
-
;D worth a try ;)
-
sales are ON! :o
-
all the time
-
money for nothing
-
same old tat
-
so much rubbish
-
like buying different
-
bits and bobs
-
this and that
-
Not much money
-
watch the pennies
-
Might treat myself
-
to some new
-
underwear I like
-
nothing with lace
-
it's too scratchy
-
really, really uncomfortable
-
tassles and feathers
-
chickens and eggs
-
Fish and chips
-
beans on toast
-
windy times ahead ;)
-
check the weather
-
might have snow!
-
fetch the shovel
-
and the thermals
-
out of the
-
strong came forth (remember the golden treacle tin)
silverlady x
-
a vision, it
-
it made me
-
tremble with excitement
-
because only yesterday
-
I saw a
-
vision of loveliness
-
Santa: clad in
-
thick red clothes
-
black leather boots
-
fluffy white hair
-
That's very unusual. Lol
-
Oh No It Isn't ;)
-
Oh yes it is!!
-
Going to panto
-
Cinderella and Buttons
-
Peter Pan flies
-
In his helicopter
-
but needs fuel
-
can't pay though
-
;D aint got a shower
-
or debit card
-
What to do?
-
Maybe he will
-
ask tinkerbell to
-
sprinkle fairy dust
-
to make a
-
safe flying harness [thinks Russell Grant here ::) ]
-
hold his weight?
-
He's 14 stone
-
after big diet
-
He was 18
-
Don't feed Santa
-
too many cookies
-
or he will
-
need bigger belt
-
to hold his
-
trousers in place
-
And a corset
-
just in case ;D ;D ;D
-
i lose it ::)
-
which I could
-
do quite easily
-
I feel hot
-
strip off cardi
-
I,M TO HOT
-
need a fan
-
and a cold
-
ice bath with
-
glass of champagne
-
very good book,
-
a funny one
-
lots of laughs
-
nice fluffy towel
-
Some expensive moisturiser
-
rubbed in by
-
someone verrrrrrrrrrrry sexy ;)
-
Mmm, like who?
-
I'm not fussy ;D
-
but he has
-
to be available
-
every single day
-
to attend to
-
my numerous needs
-
keep me smiling ;)
-
and to help
-
alleviate any sadness
-
that may occure
-
gotta keep smiling :)
-
Which I will
-
and be .........happy ;)
-
no point in
-
wasting the moment ;)
-
simple needs are ....
-
Easily dealt with
-
He may like
-
easy relaxed ways
-
and a gentle
-
push in the
-
Direction of the
-
spa and sauna
-
where I will
-
wallow in luxury
-
While he fixes
-
fresh orange juice
-
for someone else
-
and for me :-*
-
a nice glass
-
of dry white
-
milk for me
-
milk? at Christmas?
-
before drinking alcohol
-
Lining the stomach
-
is best,so
-
Mine's a pint
-
and a double
-
decker bus will
-
Take me home
-
to my bed
-
Crisp fresh sheets
-
cuddle with hubby
-
bliss,bliss,bliss :)
-
Feel better now
-
that's ok then
-
Later we will
-
enjoy us time
-
and pillow fight
-
feathers going everywhere ;D
-
flop on the
-
Bed and laugh
-
till we cry
-
please pass tissues
-
let's go and
-
have a drink
-
At the pub
-
But it's snowing
-
need our wellies
-
gloves, hats, scarves
-
Pub's next door!
-
Snow's very deep
-
Need the waders
-
and snow shovels ;)
-
Let's not go
-
carol singing tonight
-
Let's party instead
-
vino, food & company ;D
-
Love getting together
-
Let's play games
-
Naughty or good :o
-
Naughty of course
-
so much fun
-
feel quite light
-
Let's go fly
-
over the rooftops
-
on our broomsticks
-
prefer a sleigh ;D
-
With some Reindeer
-
pulled by Rudolf
-
Big red nose ;)
-
presents piled high
-
for all the
-
girls and boys
-
Don't forget the........
-
naughty ones will
-
Not get anything
-
the children will
-
get no sleep
-
Listening out for
-
Santa and co
-
Ho! Ho! Ho! ::)
-
Fi Fie Fooo
-
on we go
-
Where to next?
-
Lets go shopping
-
and buy some
-
goodies to have
-
A midnight snack ;D
-
blow the diet!
-
Diet in NewYear
-
Just drink beer!
-
and some bubbly
-
from the bottle
-
or a glass
-
with a cherry
-
On the top
-
Of the tree
-
next to the fairy
-
that keeps looking
-
at the toy soldier
-
At chocolate coins
-
feeling very hungry
-
chocolate liquer anyone?
-
just chocolate please
-
pass the baileys ;)
-
around the table
-
pull a cracker
-
read a rhyme
-
And laugh alot.
-
It helps with
-
all our worries
-
for a while
-
Then next year
-
we hope things
-
will improve for
-
all of us
-
and we will
-
a much more
-
enjoyable year with
-
as little or
Hi LM.All ready for Xmas?
-
no problems, then Hi Dyan, yes, are you?
-
all will be well ( sorry, that's 4)
-
health & happiness
-
To all at
-
this time of
-
year which I
-
love so much ;D ;D
-
Cupboards full of
-
food and drink
-
wrapping paper, cards
-
and unopened presents
-
dear me why :o
-
Because I forgot
-
Blame the menopause ;) :madeyes:
-
age related then?
-
;) Strange woman again
-
in my house!
-
To get rid
-
of this maddness
-
take a holiday
-
in the sun
-
Warm and bright
-
not too hot ::) ::)
-
cooling sea breeze ;)
-
A nice cocktail
-
watching the sunset
-
On a cruise.........(I wish)
-
On the QE2
-
docked in Dubai ???
-
Let's go shopping
-
What to buy?
-
So much money
-
Where shall I
-
find a unique
-
Plot of land
-
Build a hideaway
-
facing the sea
-
Beautiful view of
-
wonderful sites and
-
Deserted golden sands
-
Let's go swimming
-
in the sea
-
far too cold :o
-
No it's warm (http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/heat/t108008.gif) (http://yoursmiles.org/t-heat.php)
-
Let's go then
-
Passport, case and ...
-
sun tan lotion
-
Fake tan too :sunny:
-
Orange leg look ::)
-
not so good
-
with hairy arms
-
or legs so
-
Give it too
-
a passing stranger
-
Who will make
-
me a cuppas
-
of earl grey
-
with milk or
-
with lemon perhaps
-
Even whiskey too :rofl:
-
mmmn ok then
-
No sugar thanks
-
sweet enough then ;) ???
-
Very much so
-
that's what I'm
-
Aiming to be
-
in 2012, so
-
A little will-power
-
to be like
-
A new woman
-
changes need to
-
take place gradually
-
I will start
-
New years day
-
with something simple
-
long lay in
-
Then nice cuppa
-
a jacuzzi bath
-
lots of bubbles
-
Candle light and
-
champagne and chocolates
-
Afterwards I will
-
break more resolutions >:(
-
why bother anyway?
-
because it gives
-
everyone a laugh
-
which is good
-
for your wrinkles
-
and stomach muscles
-
but not for
-
very long because
-
I wet myself
-
and it runs
-
down my legs
-
fake tan runs
-
when it rains
-
and the sun
-
Makes it worse
-
it looks like
-
Smeared orange peel
-
Wipes remove it
-
back to pale
-
Need a colour
-
I will get
-
10 denier tights
-
in American Tan
-
Seam up back :D
-
six inch heels
-
with sparkly stilettos
-
Practice walking in
-
the house then
-
I'll try them
-
When I'm out
-
on the town
-
can't walk on
-
The cobbles though
-
Will trip up
-
into the arms
-
of a nice
-
looking man who
-
has twinkling eyes
-
a lovely smile
-
a sexy kiss!
-
Phew! more please.
-
escorts me home
-
I ask him
-
In for coffee
-
he declines but
-
we arrange to
-
Meet again soon
-
he might ring
-
and suggest a
-
Day out in
-
his private jet
-
I will accept
-
because at last
-
I have found
-
A man that's
-
kind, gentle and
-
shows me respect
-
Treats me like
-
a lady when
-
I go out
-
HE LOVES ME
-
I know that
-
Because he bought
-
me furry slippers
-
Toasty warm feet :)
-
nice and cosy
-
ready for a
-
day on sofa
-
watching a good
-
action packed film
-
munching on the
-
mixed bag of nuts
-
and chocolate raisins
-
all very healthy
-
because I'm trying
-
a new diet
-
to shift these
-
lumps and bumps
-
so I can
-
wear my new
-
pencil skirt and
-
very skimpy top
-
in another life :)
-
but for now
-
I'll be happy
-
just to be
-
a stone lighter
-
This takes willpower
-
I have plenty
-
I don't,but
-
And looking like
-
a bag of
-
Potatoes tied in
-
the middle with
-
a wide piece
-
Of pink wool ::)
-
left over from
-
knitting a little
-
Blanket for my
-
new pet tortoise
-
His name is
-
Cecil, he has
-
A hard shell
-
with his name
-
Painted on his
-
girlfriend is callled
-
Marg
-
and she has
-
A pink bow
-
to encourage cecil
-
To give her :oops: :wub:
-
lots and lots
-
Of tortoise kisses
-
followed by a
-
Very cold shower :lol:
-
quick Cecil run :D
-
or you'll catch
-
a chill and
-
Need a vet
-
Or a hypnotist
-
Soft silky voice
-
Nice warm hands
-
wide, dreamy eyes...
-
hello Mr rabbit
-
"Wots up Doc?"
-
run rabbit run
-
Down the borrow
-
Where your safe
-
have to go
-
To hide from
-
the big bad
-
bank manager that
-
refused to loan
-
Money for a
-
fast red car
-
Del Boy car
-
Only need £1000
-
together with some
-
Stocks and shares
-
then I can
-
travel the world
-
Fly first class
-
and enjoy myself
-
I could take
-
my little dog
-
and my cat
-
in a private
-
Jet owned by ;
-
Mrs Jonny Depp
-
who is my
-
Niece once removed
-
by marriage or
-
something or other
-
So let's go
-
see South Africa
-
Up Table mountain
-
need Rescue Remedy
-
here have some
-
thankyou so much
-
your very welcome
-
do you have
-
any of those
-
small bottles of
-
booze from hotel
-
In my suitcase ;)
-
wrapped carefully in
-
My clean knickers ;D
-
I take spare
-
Just in case
-
i find a
-
quiet empty beach
-
There I can
-
Sunbathe behind the
-
large rocks; naked
-
without a care
-
until I spot
-
a native boy
-
So I quickly
-
dive under water
-
not realising that
-
I have forgotten
-
my cartier watch
-
which Santa brought
-
How am I ?
-
going to tell
-
santa about it
-
I'll write a
-
little note to
-
Ask if I
-
could possibly please
-
have another one
-
fingers crossed he
-
has one spare
-
and can deliver
-
early tomorrow morning
-
if not I
-
will have to
-
email the richest
-
Person I know
-
I'll join in
-
to see if
-
Will let me
-
get a new
-
Pair of shoes
-
Jimmy Choos or
-
anything else expensive
-
that I fancy
-
::) a pamper session
-
and some new
-
Pink and sexy ;) :love:
-
and expensive underwear
-
To woo my
-
long distance lover
-
who should arrive
-
any time now
-
bringing with him
-
flowers, wine, nibbles
-
Expensive perfume too
-
diamonds and pearls
-
its wishful thinking
-
I can dream
-
Maybe he will
-
ask me to
-
have dinner and
-
cook me a
-
Meal fit for
-
William & Kate
-
and something hot
Hi LM How r u?
-
With pudding too
-
For the Inlaws. I'm ok Dyan. Not seen u on here for ages
-
This spells trouble
-
I will have
-
search for recipes
-
Prawn cocktail starter
-
followed by a
-
steak and chips
-
and for dessert?
-
chocolate or strawberry
-
Then after dinner ::) ;)
-
we could have
-
fun in the
-
hot tub in
-
Under the stars
-
With nice wine
-
we'll get tipsy
-
And have fun
-
bubbles reaching parts
-
not usually bubbly ;D
-
Cor that tickles ;D
-
But very nice
-
too cold here
-
lets go indoors
-
large warm bathtowels
-
And put some
-
music on too
-
Sit round fire
-
Toast pink Marshmallows
-
dipped in chocolate
-
Logs on fire
-
Time for bed
-
Put fire out
-
up we go
-
Can't sleep though
-
down we go
-
Make a cuppa
-
turn on tv
Hi LM
-
feet up, when
-
I hear a
-
strange noise coming
-
From the garden
-
It's the postman
-
with large parcel
-
just for me
-
unwrapped it quickly
-
Oh my gosh!!
-
It's a kitten
-
Calling her Minnie
-
Love that name ;D
-
Let's give her
-
Some kitten milk
-
And a playmate
-
A little mouse
-
to chase around
-
In my new
-
conservatory with nice
-
leather sofas and
Hi LM ,Nch did well today.
-
Strung twinkly lights
-
With views of
-
My landscaped garden
-
With swimming pool
-
and warm sunshine
-
Let's get in
-
The water and
-
Play water polo
-
Throw the ball
-
hold the towel
-
Because I'm naked
-
Someone is watching >:D
-
I'll shock them!
-
after my exercise
-
I'll put my
-
New bikini on
-
Black & white
-
And very tiny
-
I bought it
-
from a carboot
-
Sale last week
-
for a pound
Hi LM
-
Love a bargain
-
Especially when its
-
Just for me :D
-
I also bought
-
A hearing aid
-
and reading glasses
-
So I can
-
Read and hear
-
music to relax
-
I'm singing along
-
to the tune
-
'Feeling hot hot hot '
-
Dancing wildly now :cancan:
-
Need a drink
-
but not with
-
any ice because
-
I'm very sensitive
-
To the cold
-
so I'll have
-
Some hot chocolate
-
and a biscuit
-
not fattening today
-
Might regret tomorrow
-
I'll drink water
-
need some substinance
-
a cheese toastie?
-
I'll get the
-
bus back home
-
Here comes two :o
-
at once, typical
-
both drive past
-
I'll have to get
-
my bike out
-
when the weather
-
improves. I will
-
I must do
-
because I ate
-
all the christmas
-
Perhaps I'll run....... (if only)
-
I need trainers
-
So off to
-
A sports shop
-
with my friend
-
who needs some
-
A surf board
-
Wet suit and
-
some swimming goggles
-
a large towel
-
and a big
-
Pink shower cap
-
Matches my flipflops
-
Pair of goggles
-
Matching snorkel
-
I look good
-
Where's that man :cheer:
-
Done a runner
-
wearing nothing but......
-
a big smile ;D
-
and a bow-tie
-
must find him
-
He's got a
-
present for me
-
wonder what it
-
might be: talcom ?
-
would prefer perfume
-
gentle sprayed over ......
-
all the parts
-
which are soft
-
and not too
-
hairy or public ;) <wave>
-
but will depend
-
How much he
-
spends initially on
-
my new ring ;D ;D ;D
-
I'm hoping for
-
big fat diamond
-
in platinum setting
-
Matching eternity ring
-
with some emeralds
-
he's rich enough ;)
-
He made his
-
fortune by selling
-
Antiques and paintings
-
books and collections
-
of stamps and
-
Drilling for oil
-
Wow he's rich :D
-
Owns an island 8)
-
in the sun
-
Let's all go 8)
-
flights are booked
-
Suitcases are packed
-
Flight details needed
-
Flying from Manchester
-
in private jet
-
Off to Barbados ;) :sunny:
-
for two glorious
-
years, by which
-
Time I will
-
be over my
-
meno because they
-
use magic potions
-
in warm seas
-
that take away
-
aches and pains <wave Dyan>
-
flushes and sweats
I'm waving
-
heaven for me
-
only if they
-
Let me have
-
some more chocolate
-
No more left
-
so, bring on
-
The marble cake
-
Big slice please
-
<hands over plate>
-
:sick02:eaten too much ; :sick02:
-
Need Alka Seltzer
-
and a bucket
-
Serves me right
-
Never going to
-
keep my date
-
I will ring
-
and make excuse
-
I'll tell him
-
I couldn't find
-
My denture plate :o
-
No, best not
-
Eat any peanuts
-
Have an allergy
-
I will itch
-
And look freaky
-
Need some calamine
-
And cotton wool
-
so I won't
-
touch another one
-
Of my ulcers
-
except with soothing
-
cool gum gel
-
Open up wide
-
Icecream might help
-
Especially chocolate flavour (back to food again) ;) :cupcake:
-
a small tub
-
of Booja Booja
-
a fan wafer
-
some chocolate sprinkles
-
disaster, sprinkles tub
-
lid fell off
-
the dogs licking
-
it all up :(
-
What else can
-
Go wrong next :lol:
-
If only I
-
could make my
-
lids fit tightly
-
need ones from
-
more upmarket place
-
plastic with good
-
strong lock clips
-
know the place
-
drive or bus?
-
Drive it's quicker
-
unless there's roadworks
-
we wont go.
-
Coast road is
-
Closed , it's foggy
-
need to find
-
A helicopter with
-
good looking pilot
-
who flies me
-
safely and carefully
-
with a moments
-
pause for reassurance
-
Seat belts fastened
-
Sick bag ready :)
-
;D wet wipes .........
-
Up we go
-
over the hills
-
Help! The engine
-
is spluttering now
-
Captain assures us
-
We glide down
-
Landing in Paris :cancan:
-
pilot asks me
-
To go dancing
-
at Moulin Rouge :veil: :veil:
-
Ohhh La La :madeyes: :wub:
-
forgotten my shoes
-
Dance bare foot
-
Toenails need painting
-
choose a colour
-
Must be red :bounce:
-
hot sweats starting ::)
-
Where's my fan :hotflash:
-
Someones stolen it!
-
Call the police
-
I'm dialling now
-
Police don't care
-
Buy one where
-
The fan shop
-
When's it open
-
But it's Sunday
-
Opens at eleven
-
What type shall
-
I buy, because
-
I am very
-
Short of money
-
Small but pretty
-
Maybe in pink
-
Purple is nice :)
-
Won't match my
-
Shoes and coat
-
undies are lilac
-
hair is purple
-
Mustache is coral ;D
-
dyed or eu-naturalle
-
Dyed by Vidal :na:
-
he's very good
-
Nice warm hands ;D
-
and very attentive
-
He always asks :love:
-
for my number ;)
-
hair-colour number or ............
-
mobile phone number ;) ;D
-
;D don't know mine ::)
-
haven't got one ;D
-
mine is lost
-
can you remember?
-
not the number ::)
-
are you kidding ::)
-
I know mine
-
Someone call me
-
tonight at 7
-
to tell me
-
I had won
-
A trolley dash
-
around £1 shop
-
wonder what to
-
do with purchases
-
I might give
-
ebay a go
-
make some money
-
I did today :o
-
They sell everything
-
we tried but
-
Waste of time
-
so what now
-
Car boot sale ?
-
Yes good idea
-
I'll go tomorrow
-
hope its sunny
-
We can hope
-
to find a
Hi Lm
-
suitcase, so we Hiya Dyan
-
pack for our
-
holiday to
-
The island of
-
St Lucia
-
maybe the Bahamas ;D
-
5 Star Hotel
-
On the beach
-
I see Dolphins
-
No, it's a lilo
-
No!! its not
-
It's an alien!
-
From another island
-
Where's the camera
-
Round your neck :)
-
Doh, silly me
-
Quick take picture
-
Camera won't work
-
Paint a picture
-
got no paint
-
Swim to the
-
New art shop
-
Ok got paint
-
get the pinney!
-
Right, I'm ready
-
Paint the background
-
pale blue then
-
Now the mountains
-
Noooo it's raining
-
Quick let's go
-
For a coffee
-
With a cake
-
& scones with
-
Some strawberry jam
-
Dark handsome man
-
Playing his bongo ;D
-
;D will continue painting
-
Spilt paint on ! ;)
-
his trousers and
-
off they came ::)
-
and into the wash
-
But they shrank
-
will now fit
-
An action man
-
we're going shopping
-
to buy more
-
vitamin tablets, because
-
I need boosting
-
Because, next month
-
it's our HOLIDAY :-*
-
off to spend
-
money at the beach
-
its golden sands
-
warm to toes
-
The sea's warm
-
Beautiful tropical fish
-
Need some goggles
-
long flippers too
-
here we go
-
Ohhh it's bliss ;) ;) ;) :sunny:
-
watch that ......... :o
-
Shark it looks
-
Hungry like Jaws :-\
-
its seen me!
-
Quick swim fast :'(
-
tide against me
-
Poke his eyes
-
He's gone now
-
That was close :o
-
think I'll go
-
To the bar
-
need a brandy
-
Make it double!!
-
feel better now
-
apart from cold ;D
-
another brandy then?
-
Could get drunk :drunk:
-
way too early! ;D
-
We're in St Lucia ;)
-
that explains it ;D
-
Horse riding then ?
-
along the beach
-
Then the woods
-
back to hotel
-
For a shower
-
and a quickie ;D
-
Cubagirl! at this hour! Lol
then a nap
-
in cosy bed
I wish LM! ;D
-
Nope, can't sleep
-
got cold feet
-
hands over bed-socks
-
oooh they are
-
Smelly, need washing
-
please forgive me
-
I'll wash them
-
by hand, in
-
bidet, need powder
-
use fairy instead
-
keeps hand soft
-
I wear gloves
-
while washing up
-
in hot water
-
but never when
-
the dish-washer's empty
-
Dishwasher is broken
-
call the engineer!!
-
In the meantime
-
Have a cuppa
-
and a biscuit
-
Then time to
-
do some gardening
-
weeding, digging, planning
-
Bought some new
-
flowery wellington boots
-
So now i
-
can jump into
-
A mucky puddle
-
and splash, splash
-
no wet feet
-
Feet are cold
-
hate those wellies
-
Need thick socks
-
Should knit some :)
-
need some needles
-
and mohair wool
-
Can't knit though
-
will take lessons
-
at night school
-
but no time
-
because I go
-
Learning pole dancing
-
so I can
-
get myself fit
-
for my holidays
-
must wear bikini ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
I just knitted
-
A G String :rofl:
-
need some vaseline ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
Can't think why ?? :na:
-
;D ;D
Don't want chaffing
-
Won't talc do?
-
need to buy
-
one piece swimsuit
-
Noooo, a bikini
-
a teeny weeny
-
One, with fur
-
around the edges
Hi LM u ok?
-
Looks really nice. Ok Dyan, you?
-
I'll also wear
I'm fine thnx LM.
-
A very small
-
chain around my
-
slender tanned ankle
-
with toe ring
-
All wishful thinking ;D
-
nice to dream :)
-
So off we
-
go on a
-
Trip to the
-
Best place in
-
The country it's
-
A little town
-
With a market
-
And a large
-
department store that
-
Sells the only
-
non bouncing bra
-
Very expensive though
-
but who's counting
-
I've saved up
-
so i deserve
-
A lovely new
-
Blue booby bra
-
Want some 'lift'
-
Need knickers too
-
red with lace
-
ribbons and bows
-
they only have
-
Long-johns in wyncette :o
-
Won't bother then
-
Rather wear none
-
Might get chilly
-
without warm wyncette
-
long-johns are sexy ;D
-
Lol, says who?
-
My fantasy man ::)
-
in my dreams
-
so very vivid
-
he's right here
-
And about to :madeyes:
-
start the decorating
-
about time too
-
omg Ricky I was just typing the same ;D
First job is
-
lift the lid
-
with a screwdriver
(great minds san)
-
Stir the paint
-
slosh it on
-
mind the carpet >:(
-
Getting new carpet
-
claiming on isurance
-
A striped carpet?
-
he's ruined it
-
Well don't worry
-
it could be
-
covered in curry
-
Carpet cleaned and
-
air smells fresh
-
back to work ::)
-
Boss seems angry ?
-
what could have
-
his mistress said ?
-
over the photocopier
-
late at night
-
after everyone else
-
had gone home
-
she confided in
-
Me last week
-
a secret, it's
-
A bit delicate
-
if I tell
-
You must promise
-
on your honour
-
What honours that? Lol
Not to tell
-
another living soul
-
Ok. I promise
-
he's really a
-
Special Secret Agent
-
not another one ::)
-
Yes, from Russia!!!!!!
-
Speaks 7 languages
-
Good at everything ;) :bed:
-
Drinks vodka martini
-
Through a straw
-
He's very versitile
-
he can even
-
Put his leg
-
Round his neck
-
He's going blue !!!!!
-
Quick! Help him.
-
Kiss of life ?
-
no way Jo`se ......
-
no way Jo`se ......
;D
Give him vodka
-
He's out cold
-
in the snow
-
Get a doctor
-
or a nurse
-
wrap a blanket
-
no blanket, tinfoil?
-
Great idea perfect
-
he looks like
-
A basted Turkey ;D
-
MI5 have just
-
Notified the RSPCA
-
the vans arrived
-
to take me
-
for a sauna
-
a unisex one
-
I enjoyed it!
-
Off out to
-
roll in the snow ;D
-
With the dog
-
he eats it
-
No yellow snow ;) :lol:
-
children are throwing
-
pancakes at snowmen :o
-
what a waste
-
here comes constable
-
Pickle with his
-
bright red face
-
and drip on nose :D
-
need some tissues
-
oops! Too late!
-
an icicle formed!
-
ping! it's broken
-
Into his tea
-
tip it away
-
oh my stomach :o
-
Need a paramedic
-
ambiance man looks
-
A bit strange
-
He's gone green :sick02:
-
Pass the bucket
-
Oh too late
-
Yuck yuck yuck :-\
-
All down his
-
lovely new pair
-
Of Y fronts
-
Calvin Kleins too
-
like David Beckham ;D
-
Yes. Like him
-
What's that big
-
Box, behind the
-
ironing board which
-
Is wrapped in
-
brown paper and
-
Has a big
-
Bow on it
-
I wonder what
-
It's got inside ??
-
Shall we look?
-
you open it ???
-
But why me?
-
I'm afraid to :-\
-
It might be
-
A family of
-
cops and robbers
-
Open the lid
-
or take the money ;)
-
It's Paul Daniels !!!!!!
-
And Debbie McKee
-
:o such fun
-
20 years ago
-
He magicked her
-
from some rabbits
-
How many rabbits?
-
there were 5
-
Rather have rabbits ;D
-
Magic wand time :bunny:
-
wave it around (http://images.zaazu.com/img/magic-wizard-sorcerer-magician-smiley-emoticon-000223-medium.gif) (http://"http://zaazu.com")
-
Let's hope that
-
it's a nice
-
happy menopausal woman ;D
-
hooray she's here
-
Hot :hotflash: but ready
-
Says she's tired
-
give her chocolate ;)
-
Ok, she's ready
-
but not willing
-
What now then?
-
she won't go
-
Push her out
-
she started crying :-\
-
Pass the tissues
-
blow your nose :hug:
-
No more sniffing!
-
Just give in
-
lie back and
-
She fallen asleep
-
Wake her up!
-
she's moody now >:(
-
give her chocolate ?
-
she told me
-
she would like
-
to go home
-
before she went
-
mad with everyone >:(
-
let her go
-
for goodness sake
-
can't be doing
-
the tango now
-
I'm too tired.....
-
even for a
-
very short dance
-
maybe one step
-
No, going home
-
have visitors coming
-
must clean up :(
-
House is a mess
-
Wash the floors
-
vac and dust
-
shake the mats
-
clean the toilet
-
get hoover out
-
bake a cake
-
mmmm.... nice smell!
-
it's by Dior
-
just a dab
-
Behind my knees
-
a rash appears :-\
-
Pass the calomine
-
Ooo the itch :o
-
tap don't scratch
-
big red blotches
-
I look lovely ;D
-
Could be chickenpox :sick02:
-
think it's hives
-
Maybe an allergy
-
now its everywhere
-
anti-histamine then?
-
Find them please
-
back of cupboard
-
Typical, blisterpacks empty >:(
-
call in George ;) ?
-
clooney or Clark?
-
nephew of Rosemary
-
is she menopausal ?
-
she won't tell
-
a soul about
-
Her age, I
-
guess she must
Hi LM
-
Like her secrets. Hi Dyan
-
George is here :D
-
Where's he been
-
all my life
-
in the cupboard
Honeyb
x
-
under the stairs
-
with incy spider :-\
-
But he's claustrophobic
-
why not ( in ) bedroom?
George I mean not the spider :o ;D ;D
-
OH's in bedroom
-
Screaming like a
-
Parrot who has
-
a small vocabulary
-
It's so off-putting
-
I can't concentrate
-
if only he'd
-
Stop wearing those
-
huge glasses,he
-
Can't really see
-
anything at all
-
looking for his
-
Teeth, they've gone.
-
to the auction
-
made a fortune
-
Lots of gold
-
I love gold
-
with many diamonds
-
Ten thousand pounds
-
to buy me
-
Some Botox injections
-
not for me
-
worried I'll puff
-
the candles out
-
I did, yesterday!
-
belated birthday greetings
-
I forgot because
-
it's been hectic
-
with me having
-
a new job ;D
Glad you enjoyed it Dyan
-
Also, my memory
-
I *had* a memory ???
-
But it's gone
-
down the drain
-
Along with my
-
gold wedding ring
-
It was loose
-
my fingers shrunk
-
due to dieting
-
I'm half the
-
size I was
-
big bones make
-
a nice stew
-
cooked for hours
-
I added stout
-
gives it clout
-
tastes wonderful too!
-
I want more
-
there's plenty for
-
all to share
-
and some left
-
For the dog
-
He's got hiccups
-
I'll cure it
-
how will you?
-
a drop of
-
gripe water should
-
help to make
-
the annoying sound
-
go away but
-
he's farting now
-
It smells of
-
Very bad eggs
-
must buy airwick!
-
perfume will do
-
only have expensive
-
Perfume, never mind
-
Perfumed farts are
-
better than eggs
-
as long as
-
they are private ;D
-
It will save
-
me some cash
-
on scented candles
-
My favourite fragrance
-
has all gone
-
Who used it >:(
-
My teenager who
-
is a thief
-
how dare she
-
after we talked
-
She promised me
-
a new one
-
would soon appear
-
if she did
-
what I advised
-
large bottle please
-
better be quick
-
Before her money
-
is spent on
-
drink and drugs
-
£100 a week
-
spent on daily headmassage
-
It's too much
-
not for me
-
You are rich?
-
in my dreams ;D
-
And in mine
-
Euromillions - nice thought
-
give up work
-
treat my family
-
Buy a island
-
kidnap handsome stranger
-
The ransome will
-
Go to charity
-
or maybe not
-
perhaps half then?
-
keep it all
-
Yes all mine
-
Can I have
-
A piece of
-
chocolate cake please
-
really big slice
-
not food again ;D <hands over plate and napkin > ;)
-
I'm hungry because
-
I love food ;)
-
Especially fattening foods ;D
-
I like curries
-
hubby hates them
-
do you too?
-
I like Italian
-
so do I
-
Vincent Simone then ;D
-
don't know him!
-
Strictly Come Dancing :-*
-
starts in September
-
new professionals or ......
-
old time amateurs
-
slow, slow, quick
-
heel toe lead :)
-
I can't dance
-
take your partners
-
To the cinema
-
choose a film
-
you'll both enjoy
-
get some popcorn
-
70's disco song :parti:
-
do the bump
-
shimmy & shake :veil: (I belly dance and have been wanting to use this icon)
-
Phew! Tired now
-
feet up: cuppa
-
relax,chill..........awwwwwwww!
-
ding dong, someones
-
at the door!
-
Its the neighbours :'(
-
Quick, hide under
-
the table, because Hiya Dyan
-
they'll want to
Hiya LM
-
come in again
-
and show me
-
their cruise photos
-
which I've seen
-
ten times already
-
they'll never know
-
the hot weather
-
disagrees with me
(http://images.zaazu.com/img/summer-animated-animation-weather-smiley-emoticon-000399-medium.gif) (http://"http://zaazu.com")
-
when I'm having
-
a quiet rest
-
doing what I
Hi CLKD
-
<wave Dyan >
enjoy: reading the
-
latest gossip on
-
the local thugs
-
who get up
-
at dawn, ready
-
to start doing
Hi LM
-
Some illegal trading
-
in slippers and
-
Ten a Lady products ::)
-
a surprising lucrative
-
black market product
-
Makes me money
-
how much money?
-
2K a week
-
share: or not .......
-
Ok. Half each?
-
cut me in ;)
-
Split three ways?
-
spent it already
-
a new handbag .....
-
to keep my
-
Pearl hand pistol
-
safe from those
-
people who always
-
want to steal
-
a quick kiss
-
while their wives
-
are not looking :-*
-
at the stripper
-
I usually don't
-
because I only
-
watch the waiters
-
bottoms as they
-
Pass our table
-
I rate them
-
One to ten
-
allowed to pinch ?
-
the nicest ones?
-
No you cant
-
look and drool
-
use your napkin
-
wipe your mouth
-
Re-apply the lippy
-
give a big smile
-
lettuce on teeth :o
-
Napkin tucked in ::)
-
to my vest
-
did he see ???
-
past all that
-
and notice my
-
Brand new teeth
-
and glass eye
-
hook
-
hook em in ;D
-
whoops - read the thread wrong ::) ....... thought I was in Peter Pan ???
glass eye = long lashes with
-
smudge free mascara
-
dark violet colour
-
no, black for me
-
No, dark brown
-
let's go red
-
Yes. It's Halloween
-
Don't like spooky :(
-
witches and goblins
-
Black,black,black!
-
I want my baby back .......... ??? whoops wandering again ::)
black, black, black ............ pudding, eggs, bacon
-
Full English, please.
-
All that fat?
-
on my hips
-
hoola hoop twirling
-
Help, I'm dizzy
-
and feeling offbalance
-
Ooops, I'm down!
-
call the firemen
-
lifts me up
-
Then asks me
-
are you menopausal
-
drops me again
-
Hurt my bum
-
mine give bounce ;D
-
You'll bruise tomorrow
-
i have padding ;D
-
;D but soon it
-
GOES WITH DIET
-
starting next week
-
will be good
-
will it really ???
-
course it will
-
to feel better
-
light and nimble
-
i want cake :-\
-
No cake, sorry
-
chocolate then,maybe?
-
make chocolate cake ;)
-
ooo! yes please!
-
cakes in oven :D
-
<hands over plate>
-
big/small slice?
-
a generous portion
-
small piece please
-
a little treat
-
To ourselves because
-
it is Monday
-
Love Monday's because
-
I get paid
-
on Tuesday usually
-
I spend it :)
-
Quite quickly on
-
New jigsaw puzzles
-
Size 1000 pieces
-
keep losing pieces
-
mostly the sky ::)
-
Crawl around looking
-
under the furniture
-
yuk dust and
-
A few coins
-
off to shops
-
for Twix bars
-
and some bleach
-
not together surely :o
-
Don't be silly
-
I'll eat the
-
Twix, then clean
-
my disgusting oven
-
then i might
-
wear my halo
-
It's too small
-
next size up
-
is just perfect ;)
-
Ok we're ready
-
to be angels
-
just for today
-
It's well paid
-
in kind deeds
-
rather have money
-
can't have everything
-
you wish for
-
puff :hotflash:
genies here
-
let's start with
-
All feeling 21
-
oooo party time :party:
-
Get the cider
-
Apple or peach
-
Neither. Something strong!
-
Cheers .. happy birthday
-
Not birthday, anniversary
-
I'll bring records ;D
-
The vinyl kind?
-
Might have some 78's somewhere ::)
-
78-left school ;D
-
Long time ago
-
78's as in vinyls ::)
-
Yes we know
-
gave mine away
-
What a pity
-
Are they antiques?
-
worth hundreds of
-
Thousands of pounds
-
With that money
-
I will buy
-
a swimming pool
-
and hot tub :)
-
Need a bikini
-
Might go naked
-
Dont do that
-
skin needs ironing ;D
-
don't ask Bette [who doesn't own an iron ;) ]
-
a trouser press?
-
all in one :o
-
No, a bikini
-
like short bottoms
-
S*d the cellulite
-
everyone has it
-
I can't see mine ;)
-
rear view mirror? ;D
-
neck too stiff ::)
-
neck too stiff ::)
:rofl:
-
will ask Himself ......... ???
-
if he can
-
check my behind
-
Let us know ;D
-
He's gone out ::)
-
when he's home
-
I will ask ;)
-
'would you like' ..
-
To look at
-
my rear end ::)
-
if not, I'll
-
show you my...
-
Secret that I
-
have hidden in
-
my bottom drawer (and the answer is, apparently 'no' to the cellulite :-*)
-
(you haven't got any or he doesn't want to look?)
Want to see?
-
:rofl:
under my socks
-
There it is
-
What a surprise :o
-
A secret letter
-
From an admirer
-
27 years ago
-
when I was
-
Demonstrating outside Parliament
-
holding a banner
-
about Greenham Common
-
Good looking man
-
waved at me
-
Then I tripped
-
at his feet
-
looked up and
-
He kissed me
-
I enjoyed it ;)
-
so much I
-
felt hot and
-
a little dizzy
-
Need a pill
-
perhaps too late ;)
-
Will lie down
-
for a while
-
did swooning work ?
-
Not really no
-
shall I try
-
Go on then
-
here I go
-
up and down
-
in and out
-
around and around
-
whoops very dizzy ???
-
just fell down
-
did it hurt
-
Yes! bruised bum.
-
massage required then
-
with baby oil?
-
<wave>
Johnsons very soft
-
or baby butter
-
soft and gentle
-
Just like my
-
freshly washed hair
-
smells of strawberries
-
And sir cream
-
mushed together with
-
LM what or who is "sir cream"? [sounds rather rude] Lol
Mushy pease and
-
Ah, sir should have been sour lol
But what are pease?
-
Lol. Touché meant "peas".
-
I know. lol. Back to the game
Drop of vinegar
-
Like cider vinegar?
-
not a lot!
-
Makes me wee
-
never tried it [sounds disgusting]
-
prefer real cider ;)
-
Quite like Woodpecker. :P
-
I like Strongbow
-
Robin Hood and
-
his merry men
-
on the cider ?
-
Yes, they're drunk
-
singing like donkeys
-
swinging through trees
-
Oops, oh dear
-
in Major Oak
-
hiding there again :o
-
Wearing their tights :o
-
over their heads :o
-
Papr bag would
-
be good for
-
a brilliant disguise
-
Brown Primark bag?
-
ideal,I think
-
to cover up
-
All the blemishes
-
and the wrinkles
-
That suddenly came
-
when I first
-
Drank some milkshake
-
behind the bikeshed
-
Hiding from my
-
very jealous Sister
-
Who gets upset
-
if she misses
-
Her daily dose
-
of Senokot tablets
-
I hide them
-
in the pot
-
;D Senokot = pot :rofl:
pot = bulbs
-
;D ;D
Once she's out
-
in the garden
-
We'll be fine
-
can't smell her
-
perfum from here
-
She always uses
-
horse manure and
-
It smells dusgusting
-
,attracts the flies
-
They keep landing
-
buzzing, peeing and
-
being a nuisance
-
Fly swat then ?
-
Yes, electric one
-
make squashedfly biscuits
-
Garibaldi then: tasty
-
dipped in tea
-
Bit fell off :-\
-
soggy and ruined?
-
can't drink it now
-
tip it on the roses .........
-
make another cuppa
-
black 2 sugars
-
get more biscuits
-
ginger nuts please
-
to dunk in
-
My afternoon cuppa
-
which I need
-
to cool down
-
or warm up
-
If I feel
-
frazzled at the
-
thought of my
-
hectic day tomorrow
-
alarm set for
-
six o' clock
-
so I can
-
go on holiday
-
to a place
-
only I know
-
that I can
-
be at peace
-
sitting by the
-
pool and admiring
-
the golden tans
-
Of the waiters
-
wearing very little ;)
-
and a smile
-
to melt my
-
Meno temper feeling >:(
-
into oblivion, where
-
I can let
-
my hair down
-
and swim gently
-
up and down
-
In the sea
-
Bobbing along as
-
warm as toast
-
Until I see
-
a man waving
-
It looks like
-
He is drowning
-
I swim over
-
but he's fine
-
as he has
-
A rubber ring
-
around his :o
-
Very large waist
-
We swim back
-
and share towels
-
To get dry
-
and warm then
-
Fun time begins
-
Tiddlywinks to start ;D
-
on my knees :o
-
Looking for a
-
button off my
-
pyjama jacket: coloured
-
purple and white
-
Jacket is Gucci
-
my favourite one
-
soft, fleecy and
-
Very very expensive
-
I'm saving up
-
for matching slippers
-
Harrods have them
-
with fluff on?
-
posh fur trim ;D
-
a little bow
-
it's pure silk
-
with polka dots
-
and matching bag
-
To keep your
-
gold key to
-
the diamond Safe
-
Are there guards ?
-
Yes of course
-
armed and uniformed
-
:-* maroon and gold
-
They're very fit ::)
-
big strong shoulders ;)
-
deep, golden tans......
-
standing erect by
-
their snarling dogs
-
and slobbering on
-
the highly polished
-
boots and making
-
terrible smells by
-
the entrance to
-
the underground vault
-
where the most
-
valuable chocolate bar
-
is kept under
-
cold conditions so
-
it doesn't lose
-
that alluring smell :-* {waves to Dyan }
-
that gets our
( waves back CLDK )
-
emotions gently soothed
-
and taste buds
-
gently soothed and
-
now we feel ( gently soothed? ) ;D
-
Like a drink
-
made from the
-
freshly picked lemons
-
and nectar to
-
flavour a glass [you still here Dyan or are you like me, back? ]
-
of soothing( sorry :-* ;D ) liquid
-
;D ........
relaxing on a patio
-
with the sun ( I'm back )
-
setting: beautiful colours
-
that make me
-
feel soothed inside
-
I breathe in
-
and out again
-
cough,cough,splutter
-
I'm ready now
-
ready,willing, waiting
-
bring it on....
-
warm blankets and
-
lots of cuddles
-
cosy, dozy and
-
relaxed.Now i
-
need a wee ::)
-
oh, that's typical
-
Maybe I can
-
hold it in
-
no: bathroom visit
-
The toilet's blocked
-
:o what with?
-
Not sure, maybe
-
my OH put
-
His dirty boxers
-
on the seat
-
Then accidentally knocked
-
the cat jumped
-
errr! forget that one ;D
the cat ,who
-
is now stuck
-
with head through
-
the u bend
-
purring gently and
-
licking the moist
-
bubbles from his
-
paw.I hope
-
he will dry
-
them before he
-
jumps onto duvet
-
that's been freshly
-
ironed, starched, shaken
-
until all the
-
creases are tidied
-
and smooth so
-
the bed's comfy
-
The problem is
-
when I turn
-
Over the duvet
-
I was shocked
-
Because I saw
-
his friend sleeping :o
-
with a small
Morning CLKD
-
<waves Dyan>
cat nip mouse
-
under his nose
-
will he notice ?
-
if I take
-
the duvet away
-
and cover him
-
with soft chocolate
[off to do chores ::) ]
-
and whipped cream
-
which he enjoys
-
especially cadburys,which
-
melts, runs and
<wave> nowt on TV then ;)
-
makes a mess
-
But soooooo nice
-
to lick it.... :P
-
my chin's sticky
-
get a flannel
-
Haven't got one
-
large bath towel?
-
White hand towel
-
grubby by now ::)
-
will have to
-
go out shopping
-
to buy chocolate
-
spread and champagne
-
All over again
-
over the towels?
-
Over the worktop
-
on best plates
-
cups and saucers
-
time for tea?
-
Put kettle on!
-
boiling right now!
-
Got any biscuits?
-
plain or chocolate?
-
Ooooo, chocolate please!
-
thought you would ;D <wave>
-
think of that
-
plus Summer plans
-
buy a umbrella ;D
-
one to hand
-
hats and gloves
It is soo cold here today. Snow forecast!!
-
thick socks knitted
-
nice warm toes
-
nails need cutting
-
bend over carefully :o
-
this won't hurt (!)
-
much: did it?
-
It was fine
-
to move that
-
back over there
-
I need help
-
will be over
-
get kettle on
-
black 2 sugars
-
love a chat
-
so do I
-
Stay or go ?
-
out in rain :-\
-
and the wind
-
it's so dark
-
chilly, wild and
-
young at heart
-
Might go shopping
-
buy a bag
-
to fill with
-
anti meno aids :diablo:
-
then maybe i'll
-
Buy a fan
-
to keep cool
-
On sunny days. (if we ever have any) hi Dyan
-
;D It's sunny today
Hi Lm
-
For a change
-
but I'll take
-
My raincoat because
-
I get hot
-
around the collar
-
Then I start
-
puffing and cursing
-
Not a pretty site
-
sitting in my
-
dressing gown & slippers (http://www.susan-boyle.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Susan-Boyle-happy-in-dressing-gown-150x150.jpg)
-
;D impersonating Susan Boyle
-
will you sing?
-
maybe I will ::)
-
get on the
-
piano and sing
-
my version of
-
over the rainbow
-
then remake the
-
bed, plump up
-
pillows and cushions
-
for when my
-
muscle rippling man
-
comes to give
-
the piano a tuning
-
he's tone deaf
-
so I'll help
-
doh ray fah ......
-
:rofl: ear muffs needed
-
out of tune ;D
-
what moi? >:(
-
can't hear you ;D
-
Singing LOUDER: yes? [off for my bath now ;) ]
-
karaoke needed then?
-
I will survive :whist:
-
that's very good
-
Encore please again :D
-
once I was....
-
a little white bull
-
little white bull
-
;D .... I have the tune going round my head now but can't remember the next verse ???
White Park cattle
-
horns
-
toss
-
CLKD http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFhqLCLTQ-w ;)
salad
-
3 words ladies
-
Confused.com ::)
toss the salad
-
Open the wine
-
invite some friends
-
come on in
-
kettle is on [thanks for the Link took me back some years ;D ]
-
nice cuppa tea
-
with a bun
-
the belgian kind
-
With white icing
-
cherry on top
-
yum yum yum
-
(I'm told use to request it ... I was 3 ;) )
Need a doze
-
tummy is full
-
snooze time then?
-
snuggle on down
-
under warm blanket
-
sleep for hours (I wish!)
-
snoring gently but
-
all snuggled up
-
makes me lazy ;D
-
love being lazy ;)
-
because [of] dull weather
-
snuggle up (on) sofa
-
watching fav programme
-
dropping to sleep
-
eyes feel heavy
-
drifting to sleep
-
Blast!!! phones ringing
-
ppi claim again :steamed:
-
:cuss: better now?
-
all calm inside
-
nice bubble bath
-
Is it Radox
-
yes ... which one?
-
The purple one
-
that's my favourite
-
glass of wine?
-
Yes please, white
-
going down well
-
Let's have another
-
nice social evening :)
-
With nice snacks
-
and some music
-
and great company :)
-
Lovely party! More? :)
-
hot water please
-
for my tea
-
mad hatter tea?
-
everyone move round
-
play musical chairs ;)
-
pass the parcel
-
not so quick
-
Let me win
-
oooo :o music stopped
-
Quick rip it
-
it's a lollipop!
-
and a forfeit [sp] :o
-
sing a song :-\
-
Have a dance :veil:
-
musical chairs next
-
60s/70s music
-
there's non better
-
than a good
-
homemade dinner of
-
fried egg sandwich
-
Not very healthy
-
it's Sunday treat
-
That's ok then
-
of course it is
-
brown sauce or ketchup
-
tomato is best
-
white pepper too
-
I prefer black
-
large tea please
-
with two sugars
-
nightcap anyone: sherry ???
-
thank you yes ;)
-
Need to sleep
-
I couldn't >:(
-
had 7 hours!
-
Had 8 hours!
-
Lucky you: I
-
need a BIG
-
cuddly dressing gown 8)
-
To hide my
-
tired body in
-
After my shower
-
Then I'm going
-
to start a
-
massive pampering session
-
Face mask of
-
cucumber and lime
-
Aromatherapy candle burning
-
Soft, gentle music
-
while being massaged
-
on tropical beach
-
With palm trees. Ok, you persuaded me, I'm just off to pack. :)
-
the ocean waves
-
pulling the sand
-
over my toes
-
HELP! I'm drowning
-
My rescuer is
-
wearing a wetsuit
-
and large smile
-
twinkly eyes - phwoar
-
tall, lithe and
-
It's David Walliams!
-
That chap off
-
I'm a lady :)
-
Could have fooled
-
me with that
-
one,I thought
-
DW's very tall :o
-
with a small
-
very shy smile
-
and little friend
-
who is bald
-
with chubby face
-
and humerous attitude
-
shares a joke
-
with the World
-
spinning around the ..
-
kitchen,holding a
-
Microphone and singing. Hi Dyan
-
suddenly there's a .
Hi LM
-
Power cut and
-
there's total darkness.
-
where's the torch :o
-
thought you had it?
-
Ahh, found it
-
shine it on
-
the kitchen floor
-
there's a coin
-
It fell from
-
kids' toys then ???
-
barbie & ken ;)
-
that dates you ;)
-
washing my hair
-
doing my nails
-
picking my teeth :o
-
Shaving my legs
-
do mine next ???
<nothing better to do then? >
-
Cuppa and biscuit (time) :D
-
in favourite mug
-
black, two sugars
-
best china set
-
pretty blue/white
-
pattern around rim
-
milk jug matches? <wave>
-
an expensive set? <waves back> :)
-
only the best
-
hope I don't
-
break the one
-
when washing up
-
In my marigolds
-
with fluffy cuffs
-
I look good :o
-
Oh, so good!
-
what's washing up ? ::)
-
ask my son ::)
-
use a machine
-
:vibe: that's a meander ::)
-
my mind boggles ;D
-
steady on now ::)
-
far too late ;D
-
far too late = washing up done?
-
<equals mind gone> ;)
feet up time
-
bath for me <waves goodnight>
-
With the radox?
-
god hes glum
-
Needs a disraction
-
george clooney?
-
or Hugh Jackman :-*
-
neither for me ::)
-
thank you, I'll
-
try something else
-
black T, 2 sugars
-
black forest gateau
-
with thick cream
-
l love cake
-
l love salad
-
good for diet
-
love cake more :)
-
eating cures wrinkles
-
no more expensive
-
creams and potions
-
spread all over
-
by handsome massagist
-
big,soft hands ::)
-
firm but kind ;)
-
that's me exactly ;D <evening San >
-
turn over for <hiya CLKD>
-
BBC Radio 2
-
Radio 2 zzzzzzz
-
depends what time ;)
-
Need something modern
-
far too noisy ;D
-
Ear plugs in
-
Eye mask on
-
cucumber sliced and
-
cold tea bags <waves>
-
placed gently over <wave back > [must be that time of night again ;D ]
-
my puffy eyes [yep ;) ]
-
from my allergy
-
sneezing and wheezing
-
using boxes of tissues
-
I'm going to
-
Buy myself a
-
a magnum ice-cream
-
using lots of tissues ;D
-
it might drip
-
So, who cares
-
never loose ice-cream :o
-
Maybe a bib?
-
Serviette Me Dear ;D
-
A posh man
-
added a Flake :-*
-
sprinkled on top
-
he asked me
-
to save the cone
-
comes in handy
-
for more ice-cream
-
I like recycling ;D
-
saving the planet
-
So the future
-
for our grandchildren
-
is orange and
[trying to remember the slogan here ::)] the future's bright the future's orange ???
-
you've been Tango ... ed ;D
-
round the ballroom
-
rise and fall
-
Mostly fall though
-
two left feet
-
and woollen mittens!
-
what about the
-
Lessons we had
-
in disco dancing
-
We were good
-
like John Travolta
-
25. Now though
-
No, let's see
-
Maybe johnny depp?
-
definitly johnny depp
-
Would rather have
-
Justin bieber maybe
-
robert downey jnr
-
who's Justin Bieber ???
-
Don't thing much
-
About his singing
-
Or him really
-
Andrea Bocelli (http://images.zaazu.com/img/Love-Love-valentine-heart-smiley-emoticon-001190-medium.gif) (http://"http://zaazu.com")
-
time to say....
-
Goodnight, because I'm
-
off to dream
-
in my lovely
-
clean fresh bedding :D
-
with windows open
-
I can hear <wave>
-
The milk man
-
clinking his bottles
-
On purpose, he
-
new milk float
-
He's called Ernie ;D
-
here come gone
-
Don't like him
-
The milkman, he
-
nerves, always whistling
-
, clanking milk bottles
-
early in morning
-
when I'm asleep...
-
wake up grumpy
-
then I shower
-
him with verbal >:(
-
Abuse because he
-
can't get his.....
-
:o :o :o
-
tops on straight
-
They are wonky
-
one leg shorter
-
than the other
-
and his bottle tops ;D
-
gold and silver
-
bronze, well done!
-
Thankyou very much
-
that's OK: :congrats:
-
Feel so proud
-
to be able
-
to say that
-
I'm now free
-
From the restraints
-
of paper knickers
-
after spray tan
-
relax in the sun
-
Or the cloud
-
in the sky
-
With the birds
-
feeding young ones
-
biscuits and worms :o
-
taking dust baths
-
fly away birdies
-
come back Peter.....
-
Paul went too
-
so did I
-
was it good?
-
The earth moved
-
That's great news
-
because its been
Hi LM hows u?
-
Quite a while. ;D. Ok, Dyan. You?
-
Must be because
Fine thnx LM
-
Hubby's been away
-
and I used
-
a toy instead ;)
-
to satisfy my ::)
-
my craving I
-
ate ice-cream :o
-
with a flake
-
in the bath
-
With a candle
-
and soft music
-
lots of bubbles
-
love it deep
-
warm: soft towels
-
Pure white ones
-
get grubby quick
-
got a washer
-
boiling: extra rinse ...........
-
Then peg out
-
not today rainey
-
tumble dry then :-\
-
Tumble dryer kaput
-
What now then?
-
line in garage 8)
-
on the radiators
-
Haven't got any
-
clean white knickers :-\
-
wear coloureds then
-
softcotton
-
of to M & S
-
To replenish stocks
-
stop for coffee
-
egyptian cotten asda
-
slaps bottom hard :o
-
that really hurt :-\
-
never felt a thing ;D [Asda = smacked bottom ..... :-X ]
-
wearing a padded
-
pair of trousers
-
just as well!
-
Doesn't sting today
-
soothing cream worked :)
-
feels much better
-
Think I will
-
go out dancing
-
With my toyboy
-
posh new shoes
-
Comfortable ones please
-
don't want blisters
-
using heel plasters ::)
-
better safe than....
-
Sorry. Anyway, lets
-
Go off clubbing ;D
-
too late: sleeping ::)
-
sign of age ;D
-
when you need
-
12 hours snoozing
-
on the sofa
-
under warm blanket
-
And wearing bedsocks
-
covered in cats :o
-
hair and fluff
-
purrs, padding and
-
cleaning of paws
-
waving of tail
-
miaowing really loud (have a siamese)
-
needs let out
-
now back in ::)
-
to wind itself
-
Around my ankles
-
:o I had to go back and read what might be 'around my ankles' ;D
trying not to trip
-
Oops, I'm down
-
handsome bloke required 8)
-
to help me
-
pour cream onto
-
my tapioca pudding
-
then smear it ;)
-
with strawberry jam
-
eat it quickly
-
Got indigestion now
-
rennies any one?
-
three needed here ::)
-
Only got 2
-
better than none
-
Feel better now. :)
-
<burp> .. pardon me ;D
-
gripe water worked (mmm love the taste!)
-
addicted to it :o
-
wean myself off
-
little and often <wave Bluebell ;) ] I used to rub it onto my swollen Wisdom teeth and really got to like the taste :o :o
-
does you good (wave back CLKD) Sneaky swigs from the bottle when I was little..Mind you I used to have the odd Goodboy choc too. ha ha!
-
Boneos for me ;D
does you good - in small doses
-
and dream about...
-
The 2 pigs
-
:-\ I'm lost now .........
-
Pinky & Perky
-
A nice couple. :)
-
of cheeky chaps
-
Male and female.
-
so they will
-
get on well ;)
-
with the neighbours
-
and at weekends
-
have a party :drunk:
-
With lots of
-
gaymers pear cider(other brands available!!)
-
and nibbles too ::)
-
cheese & pineapple :D
-
Doritos dipped in
-
to the bottom
-
of the spicy
-
chilli con carne
-
Then for dessert
-
something chocolateley please
-
oozing with lots
-
Chocolate cream sauce
-
and choccy buttons
-
mouth is watering
-
can't wait to
-
dive right in
-
to bubble bath
-
And play with
-
my rubber duck ;D
-
His name is
-
Rubber Ducky and
-
Donald the Great
-
yellow plastic toy
-
love my duck :love:
-
Like to stroke ::)
-
the downy feathers
-
in my quilt
-
with its colorful
-
Flowers on the
-
crisp. cotton cover
-
which I made
-
Yesterday morning, before
-
the sun rose
-
It's too big :'(
-
for my bed :-\
-
even with the
-
End folded over
-
A day-throw then
-
Off to look
-
In the sale
-
So much choice
-
How about grey?
-
with a slight
-
tinge of pink
-
has a soft
-
sunset look: dreamy
-
Need new carpet
-
and the curtains
-
must complement and
-
Maybe new furniture
-
In the sale
-
Need lots of
-
Very contemporary pieces
-
too much dusting ::)
-
makes me sneeze
-
hands over Kleenex ;D
-
mansize I hope
-
Of course they
-
are really handy
-
For mopping up
-
that dripping water
-
from the back
-
Of the washer
-
oh not again ! ::)
-
Call the plumber
-
Do It Yourself ;)
-
found the instructions
-
In several languages ;D
-
all double dutch
-
non comprehendi then ???
-
Need a translater
-
French or Spanish?
-
English would do :)
-
he's quite dishy ::)
-
without my specs ;)
-
Where are they?
-
At Specsavers, waiting!
-
for a tiny screw
-
to hold the
-
whole lot together
-
to stop them
-
falling apart again ::)
-
I can see :)
-
clearly now the
-
Rain has gone
-
(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTkwOAOzQCm8Um9IWmuwCZLo-eAsgexKBtn9OUNm-IitLxDwcAQ)
starts to dance :jiggy:
-
Rock and roll
-
all shook up
-
The King - Elvis
-
His black hair
-
Blue suede shoes
-
curled up lip
-
boring <yawn> [well done Little Minnie my mind went that way too ] ....... stretch
-
spice it up ;)
-
chilly powder, pepper .........
-
spray and hot
-
burnt my tongue
-
Nice iced drink
-
to cool down
Hi LM
-
Take a shower
-
Can't, don't have
-
Bath time then?
-
Can't because the
-
oh do tell ;D
-
sworn to secrecy ;)
-
Want a clue?
-
go on then
-
Well, the man
-
is soaking: still :o
-
fixing the leak :)
-
and potato pie ;D
-
Very good cook
-
the naked chef
-
Except for the
-
stuffed marrow yesterday
-
enjoyed by all
-
I hated it
-
enjoyed by some ;)
-
It tasted 'off'
-
I felt :sick02:
-
oh dear sorry
-
Perhaps cookery lessons?
-
or maybe just
-
chip shop now
-
not now: Wednesday ::)
-
Now beans on toast ?
-
with home-grown egg
-
sizzle in pan
-
Splashed new jumper
-
Forgot my apron ::)
-
You're so silly. ;D
-
why don't we
-
<wave Dyan> clean the kitchen
-
<wave CLKD>
it needs a
-
Spring clean and
-
my oven also
-
needs grit blasting
-
my cake exploded
-
whoops! ;D : messy
-
stuff stuck on
-
sides; roof; door :o
-
can't open it
-
Okay, ditch it
-
buy new one
-
but what kind ???
-
to much choice :-\
-
how about a aga
-
could be expensive
-
lovely look though
-
must be self-cleaning
-
A silver one
-
Shine it up
-
Matches the kitchen
-
will you use it?
-
Nah, have takeaways. ;D
-
fish and chips or.... :-\
-
pizza with chutney
-
pepperoni & Branston?
-
Like them all
-
with garlic bread
-
oh yes please :-*
-
Full up now
-
Sofa and TV
-
My favourite programme is
-
Panarama & Question Time ::)
-
Escape [to] the Country
-
Come Dine with (me)
-
Dinner on table
-
roast beef, Yorkshire pudding and ???
-
crispy roast potatoes
-
And cauliflower cheese
-
family, sunday lunch :)
-
Glass of wine?
-
Lager for me
-
half or pint?
-
pint and half :D
-
Cold lager shandy :D
-
Mmm. Love shandy
-
Lovely in the summer!!
-
in pub garden
-
or back garden
-
Doritos and dip
-
Let's have a barbecue
-
Drumsticks and burgers
-
Grilled hallumi cheese
-
Who is cooking?
-
Well, not me
-
Men of course
-
Fine by me
-
Mine can't cook
-
Come to ours then
-
Will Jose come?
-
oh happy day :banana: ;D
-
Why you happy
-
had a shandy :drunk:
-
:rofl: :bbq: :drunklaf:
-
A cheap date. ::)
-
Cheaper me: water
-
Don't like champagne ?
-
Gives me indigestion
-
Mines a lemonade
-
Lemonade! It's a party
-
I'm the driver :D
-
Limousine, of course ::)
-
With a bar?
-
any other kind?
-
Not really no
-
Big pink one ;)
-
With hunky driver?
-
Oh yes please!!!
-
coming right up ;)
-
All dressed up?
-
Fur coat and
-
not much else :-[
-
no knickers? Maybe
-
You should put
-
Your grandma's Bloomers
-
On to hide
-
all that stubble
-
down the legs :o
-
and round the
-
ankles: shave them?
-
Can't do that
-
causes bleeding cuts
-
Don't like blood
-
makes a mess ::)
-
On my white
-
Bath mats and
-
His n her gowns
-
is sticky, runny
-
Honey for my
-
breakfast toast with .....
-
Some chocolate spread
-
spilt down my
-
Very expensive top
-
with diamond encrusted
-
Lapels, looks lovely
-
Needs dry cleaned :(
-
damn the expense
-
I'm shopping at
-
York City Centre
-
I prefer Brighton
-
along the Lanes 8)
-
carefree and happy :)
-
looking, deciding, buying;
-
Spending lots money
-
Gucci, Next, Primark :-\
-
nead a loan :)
-
Ok. How much?
-
I couldn't, really
-
Course you can
-
thanks very much
-
your to kind :)
-
Always have been
-
a little shy
-
but very helpful
-
around the house
-
making the tea
-
I prefer coffee
-
with a nice
-
slice of cake
-
ooo yes please!
-
lemon drizzle ok?
-
Lemon- lovely! then
-
maybe a jog
-
Hmmm -knees ache
-
A walk then?
-
topless swimming perhaps
-
In this weather!
-
:sunny: : blustery here
-
seas rough too
-
pool for me then
-
sunlounger for me 8)
-
Fancy a cocktail?
-
with Tom Cruise ;D
-
nah to short
-
in the arm
-
need someone with
-
Much longer arms
-
who can shake
-
The dog when
-
it's wet through [having fallen in the pool ;) ]
-
and spin dry :scottie:
-
the matted fur
-
Needs a brush
-
and a shampoo
-
and a manicure
-
then a facial
-
nice and relaxing
-
might nod off
-
I'm feeling tired
-
Have a snooze
-
Might do later!
-
sleep tonight ok?
-
Yes after nightcap
-
what's your tipple?
-
brandy or port
-
port with lemon
-
brandy and babycham
-
Jack Daniels & Coke
-
Rum and Black
-
cheers everyone <clink> :drunk:
-
:drunklaf: my head :o
-
drink some water (http://www.koolbadges.co.uk/images/thumbnails/yellowdrunkface-150x150.jpg)
-
drink some water - mixed with: vodka
-
ice and lemon
-
refreshing and cool
-
Maybe a paracetamol
-
i'm ok now
-
Behave next time
-
Behave .. What's that ;D
-
;D. Stick to the
-
rules of gravity
-
mind the apple
-
Newton's Law then ???
-
that clever man
-
but he couldn't
-
make a cake
-
Because he never
-
watched Hairy Bikers
-
they take the
-
high road and
-
tour around to
-
All the pubs
-
sampling local food
-
sipping local ales
-
pub log fire
-
Nah, it's summer!
-
not with this drizzle >:(
-
Quite warm though
-
not like July :o
-
Good for hay fever
-
not for mine
-
Take a tablet
-
using nasal spray ::) [but not often enough :D ]
-
Close the windows
-
haven't opened them :P
-
Stop the dusting
-
what is dusting ;D
-
Just done mine
-
Life is too short :D
-
have fun instead
-
I do try ;D
-
to make the
-
garden look pretty
-
silverbells & cockle shells
-
all in a row
-
sale starts soon
-
Sale of what?
-
bric-a-brac
-
antique jewellry and
-
Decorations for Christmas
-
:o : in the Sales?
-
noooooooooo not yet >:(
-
you cannot be
-
serious, that's in >:(
-
6 months time
-
Winter drawers on ::)
-
It's never been away
-
from my draw
-
full of knickers
-
thick, fleecy and
-
comfortable to wear
-
warm, snuggly and
-
makes me hot
-
use my fan
-
when I flamenco
-
With the man
-
From next door
-
I start to
-
tap my toes ;D
-
wiggle my hips
-
shake my :o
-
to the rhythm
-
of the beat
-
on the beach
-
I hula hula :veil:
-
phew too hot
-
time for a
-
change of tempo
-
cold, icy drink
-
hits the spot
-
feeling refreshed now
-
more dancing then
-
nope .. going swimming
-
The pools cold
-
massage instead then?
-
Ok. Manicure next?
-
and pedicure please
-
holds out feet
-
and holds nose ::)
-
my feet are clean :-X
-
glad to here it :)
-
the socks however ;D
-
whiff a bit :D
-
washed now: fresh
-
blowing on the line
-
next to bloomers
-
neighbours watching them :o
-
blowing in the
-
wind and dancing
-
in the drizzle >:(
-
bring washing in :-\
-
so fed up
-
with using the
-
Expensive tumble dryer
-
Off out to
-
shop some more :)
-
Starting at Lakeland
-
you bought what there?
-
two plastic tubs
-
with clear lids?
-
and clip locks
-
Also a mop
-
bright yellow bucket
-
Their newest model
-
The delux range
-
with automatic mop :D
-
demonstration please: tomorrow
-
join the queue ;D
-
shake that mop!
-
bit tired now :-X
-
Have a rest
-
before another go
-
floor is clean :o
-
Well done you :congrats:
-
Windows are next
-
but it's raining!
-
Stop making excuses
-
never clean windows :-X
-
can't see anything
-
very foggy here
-
shadows and outlines
-
Of scary things
-
slugs, snails and
-
puppy dog's tails
-
that's what little
-
boys play with
-
:o : as well as
-
Cars and footballs
-
Formula(1) and Premier(league)
-
MotoGP, golf and
-
rugby, cricket too
-
all that kit
-
washing never ends
-
not ironing that!
-
the maid can ;D
-
make the bed
-
ooo yes please
-
Rum and coke?
-
nice dry white
-
wine no ice
-
chocolate milk shake ???
-
with a straw?
-
you know me well ;D
-
because we hangout [here]
-
And because you
-
tickle my fancy
-
:o: with a feather
-
found when I
-
Slept in the
-
garden shed because
-
It was cooler
-
so no sweats
-
I had company
-
someone I dreamt
-
I'd never see. Hi Dyan
-
and now its
-
All very exciting
-
because I found
-
a new book ;)
-
and it's very...
-
racy & rude :)
-
Just like me :)
-
i wish i
-
had the nerve
-
to speak up
-
and sing out....
-
But I cant
-
get all upset
-
Need the tissues
-
lots of them
-
None left now
-
Lullaby then: :whist:
-
feeling sleepy-wakeup!!! :o
-
can't - nodding off
-
Strong coffee then?
-
will be buzzing
-
like the bees :o
-
in the nest
-
In the loft
-
full of junk (well mine is ::))
-
Mines very organised ::)
-
neatly stacked boxes
-
Yes, all labelled
-
his, hers, mine
-
all where I
-
can find stuff
-
Holiday suitcase there?
-
I think its
-
In the garage
-
Behind the bikes
-
I must go
-
and get more
-
bags of macaroni
-
covered in sauce
-
Because its cheap
-
nutrition for energy
-
I'll store it
-
around my middle ::)
-
I wear a
-
corset made of
-
Plaster of Paris
-
restricts my movement :hapij:
-
And my eating
-
is getting worse
-
Eating too much
-
Chocolate, cakes and..
-
Drinking latte coffees
-
with a little
-
biscuit to munch
-
crumbs gone everywhere
-
On new carpet!
-
, down my top :o
-
itch like mad
-
Need a shower
-
have (a) sneaky scratch ;D
-
ooh! that's better!
-
than a poke
-
At the fire
-
because the embers
-
Are slowing getting
-
going down,so
-
Need more coal
-
but the bunker
-
Is waterlogged because
-
(It) won't stop raining >:(
-
So what now?
-
hole 19 then ;)
-
glass of ??
-
nice cold beer
-
I'll join you :D
-
coming right up :)
-
washing the glasses
-
Need a dishwasher
-
for extra sparkle
-
just use Fairy
-
nice soft hands
-
that do dishes
-
With lots of
-
elbow grease and
-
Bubbles ... Love bubbles :D
-
mmmm mint aero :D
-
Fed to me
-
By somebody who
-
is really true ;)
-
And doesn't lie
-
or pretend to
-
be a superman
-
Now let's look
-
for his pants
-
In the washer
-
hang them up
-
on the dryer
-
flapping in wind
-
Oops, blown away
-
over the fence
-
What now then
-
on next door's privey ;D
-
there's a bag ???
-
can you reach?
-
get the steps
-
I'll hold them! :o
-
Don't like heights
-
got it . look :o
-
Can't get back
-
need the fireman :D
-
pants on fire
-
uses cold hose :o
-
Sit in the
-
tin bath shivering
-
Drying off now
-
warm towel and
-
hot chocolate drink
-
Ache all over
-
perhaps a massage
Hi LM
-
warm massage required
great minds think alike ;D
with gentle oils
-
;D to soothe my
Hi CLKD
-
<wave> Dyan
feet and toes
-
Then a pedicure. Hi Dyan
-
oh yes please
-
then a manicure
-
no thanks: emery-boards :beaurk:
-
teeth go furry
-
goose bumps coming
-
A facial then
-
cucumber on eyes
-
wrinkle vanishing cream ;D ( dream on )
-
You have wrinkles? Lol
-
;D forehead number 11
-
Need good make-up
-
off to boots
-
Got gift vouchers
-
for my birthday :cake:
-
which is when?
-
not till next
-
oh do tell ???
-
ok it's soon
-
invitations out yet?
-
private invite only
-
I haven't a dress anyway ;)
-
trousers will do :)
-
only trousers? chilly
-
fluffy jumper too
-
And nice jewellery
-
lots of that
-
casual or formal?
-
casual
-
I have lots
-
do you really :D
-
yes it's true :D
-
Is it Primarks?
-
yes it is
-
don't like Primark
-
good for undies
-
and bought shoes
-
one colour or ........
-
Several different types
-
flats, tie ups or
-
Only wear flats ::)
-
I fall off slippers ::)
-
I wear flip-flops
-
fluffy bunny slippers
-
make feet smelly
-
mine aren't smelly :-X
-
just like roses
-
of course: sweet ;D
-
Smelling of what?
-
Sweet pea fragrance
-
in the garden
-
having a ciggie
-
Behind the shed
-
where I meet
-
a large hedgehog
-
Mrs Tiggy Winkle
-
Full of fleas
-
jumping, hopping, biting ;D
-
Need some spray
-
on tan because
-
it keeps raining ::)
-
on my head
-
wheres my umberella
-
let it rain
-
During the night
-
I hear a
-
Little bell, I
-
sit up and
-
See an elf
-
Is it Christmas?
-
Arrgghhh!!!! hope not
-
miles to early
-
For balls,tinsel
-
And mince pies
-
Santa is sleeping ;)
-
what a relief!
-
plenty of time
-
to do the
-
Summer jobs that
-
sit and wait
-
For good weather
-
we should be
-
Having barbecues and
-
sitting out at night
-
enjoying the summer
-
calm, balmy evenings
-
But instead we
-
hope for change
-
to warmer weather
-
during winter probably :(
-
My summer clothes
-
are folded away ::)
-
i forget what
-
mixture of clothes
-
I already have
-
Next year I'm
-
running the marathon
-
26 long miles
-
so need to
-
Buy some trainers
-
That are comfortable
-
like my slippers
-
blue and white
-
To match my
-
Favourite old jumper
-
padded elbows then?
-
For bike riding
-
Bike riding now? Thought you were running the marathon San?
In the Olympics
-
Tour de France ?
-
Noooooo The Olympics
-
too late for this year
-
what about next?
-
No Olympics next year
-
another for years
-
too much effort ::)
-
No, let's start
-
count me out
-
How about something
-
slow and gentle
-
full body massage
-
go on then ::) <triathlon LM ;)>
-
That sounds good.
-
Kings of Leon
-
Prefer some classics
-
books or music?
-
why not both?
-
lyrics and tunes
-
Movies and cars
-
racing and lycra
-
chafing and aching
-
aching and pain :(
-
rub (in) tiger balm
-
love the smell :D
-
so do I :)
-
clears the head
-
from foggy brain
-
Let's go for
-
a massage with
-
handsome young chap ;D
-
who delivers my
-
daily pint of
-
Yoghurt and milk
-
He will use
-
fresh thick cream
-
on my strawberries
-
which he washed
-
down with cider
-
the scrumpy kind :drunk:
-
and then we
-
dance all night :cancan:
-
in the moonlight
-
and the stars
-
shine so bright
-
on glistening bodies
-
bronzed and oiled
-
like the chippendales
-
oh: remember them :-*
-
I certainly do ;)
-
like tarzen men ;)
-
muscles and dance routines :D
-
twiddling & twirling ::)
-
shaseys (sp) and dips
-
heel toe leads
-
stripping the willow
-
off the trees
-
to build a
-
shelter: cool, damp
-
To shelter from
-
this horrible rain ???
-
rain: what's that ;)
-
Great scottish weather!!!!!
-
snow, wind and fog
-
soft gentle mist <wave San>
-
<wave> sweeps over me
-
makes hair softer
-
But it sometimes
-
makes hair curl :o
-
I like curls
-
but not frizz >:(
-
requires gentle brushing
-
Buy some GHD's ?
-
<morning San - been here all night then? >
What's GHDs ..........
-
<short sleep but too hot> expensive straighteners for hair
-
There're good though
-
new gold ones
-
To match my
-
gold trinket box
-
he gave me
-
for my birthday
-
I was 21 ::)
-
A long time ago ::)
-
the fairy godmother ;D
-
Granted a wish
-
I asked for
-
A very large
-
one for my
-
new puppy to
-
curl up in
-
with a nice
-
new collar and
-
a bow tie
-
In bright yellow
-
Bradley Wiggins Colour ;D
-
Bright and cheerful
-
with pink spots!!
-
To match my
-
King of the Mountains Shirt [red spots on white ;) ]
-
and frilly knickers(!)
-
I look cool ::)
-
and very trendy
-
People are staring!
-
don't care, won't care
-
give a royal wave :D
-
from the balcony
-
Feel like royalty
-
got a tiara
-
bright and shiney
-
Cost a fortune
-
I'm worth it ;D
-
Of course you are ;D
-
Now I need
-
a good hair-do
-
cut and coloured
-
A different way
-
Maybe a perm
-
80's revival party?
-
Ok, no perm
-
a midi then?
-
Nah, how about
-
A modern cut
-
And some highlights?
-
Yes :D what colour?
-
Got dark hair, so?
-
I like purple
-
so do I
-
off to buy
-
thick fluffy towels
-
to absorb the
-
water on my
-
bathroom floor, walls
-
from overflowing bath
-
call the plumber :o
-
Sunday triple rate >:(
-
fix it myself
-
Where's my tools
-
you go girl ;) :D :D
-
Did DIY course
-
better than OH :)
-
No. sadly not
-
improving every day ;)
-
No not really Lol
-
You gave it a try :D
-
did another course :D
-
Costing a fortune
-
hiring someone else
-
Want hall doing
-
are there stairs?
-
apples and pears
-
my favourite fruits
-
raspberries are mine
-
Melon and grapes
-
fruit salad anyone ?
-
And ice cream?
-
Homemade ice cream :D
-
You make it
-
No,Carte Dor
-
Are you buying?
-
:welcomemm: Kitty Kat ;)
or is it ......... in the freezer?
-
yes,chocolate flavour
-
with chocolate sauce
-
dripping down my
-
<wave Dyan - here as well ;D >
dripping down my - freshly shaven legs
-
my toes. I
-
need a willing
-
Person to help
-
how much I
-
Need to spend
-
each week on
-
Beauty products to
-
improve the deep
Hi LM
-
lines and crevices
-
in my heels :o
-
I find that
-
walking bare foot
-
Makes them worse
-
They always feel
-
Like they need
-
a lovely massage
Morning LM
-
Aromatherapy always helps
-
As well as
-
A gentle rub
-
I'm here too ;D
with hands that
-
Are usually doing
-
the dishes with
-
Yellow marrygold gloves
-
to keep my
-
£10,000 ring dry
-
Probably an admirer ;)
-
with millions to
-
Spend on me :D
-
because I'm the
-
original Shirley Bassey ;D
-
Whose voice is
-
On the decline
-
I prefer Rumer
Morning LM
-
Don't know him/her/them?
-
Her.Beautiful voice
-
Sings like an
-
clone of the
-
Female Cliff Richard?
-
no the singer
-
I mean is. (I'm lost now, it doesn't take much).
-
:-\ what's going on :-\
Let's start again. ;D
Don't know what to put now ;D
wipe the slate
-
clean and start
-
a fresh with
-
a new subject
-
How about housework?
-
not this week!
-
next week then?
-
after the Olympics ;)
-
then we'll celebrate
-
by cleaning floors ?
-
Nah! chocolate cake!
-
Chocolate again Dyan?
-
cravings all week
-
Ok. Dark chocolate?
-
massive cream scone
-
loads of jam
-
Pot of tea
-
feeling very thirsty
-
too many peanuts
-
(you still here ;D )
were they salted?
-
no, dry roasted
-
with glass of lager
-
from the fridge
-
Might have another
-
Then that's it
-
lets have crisps
-
no. not tonight
-
pleeeeeese say yes
-
Oh OK then!
-
:banana: :clapping: ta
-
Salt and vinegar
-
goes with (a) lager
-
Then a nap
-
wake up and
-
Cook for OH
-
because he cant
-
work the controls
-
what's an oven?
-
;D microwave meal then?
<wave> CLKD
-
<wave Dyan> - catching my breath between the road time cycling event 8)
microwave needs cleaning :o
-
Fish and chips
-
salt and vinegar
-
in the paper
-
we won gold!
-
2 :ola: :congrats:
-
We need more
-
gold, silver, bronze
-
and another silver!!!!
-
For the fireplace
-
no cleaning that
-
watching more olympics
-
on my widescreen
-
boxing on but
-
I need sleep
-
eyes shut tight
-
dreaming of someone
-
to put with
-
the pretty ribbons
-
tied round my
-
left upper thigh
-
the colours match
-
my bobble hat
-
and woolly scarf
-
I knitted when
-
I was pregnant
-
set of twins
-
first set :o
-
and the quads
-
no wonder my
-
Prolapse is bad ::)
-
I cannot jump
Hi LM
-
Hi Dyan
Over the bed
-
when OH is
-
Chasing the cat
-
who has his
-
Paw stuck in
-
Through his collar
Morning LM
-
He's going mad. Morning Dyan, sorry you are not too good. X
-
just knocked my
Thanks LM.
Will pm u
-
Cup of tea
-
all over the
-
my brand new
-
pair of slippers
-
soft and cuddly
-
Bought from Harrods
-
far too pricey :o
-
M&S for me!
-
Local shoe shop!
-
Is closing down
-
due to joseph
-
Marrying Mary when
-
the son of
-
the butcher went
-
decided he didnt
-
Like meat, and
-
to save the
-
Time spent cooking
-
hot professional kitchen
-
with Delia Smith
-
very violent storm
-
tossing and turning
-
Might nap tomorrow
-
but now i'm
-
Just watching the
-
cat sleeping on it ???
-
Needs washing again
-
all those hairs ::)
-
wax next week
-
never, never, never
-
Oh go on
-
No thank you ..
-
I will pay
-
then it wont
-
no no no
-
not doing it!!!!
<wave> CLKD
-
nowt on TV again then Dyan ;D
never never never
-
No secret dealers,Dickinsons ,flog it ;D
will I ever
-
Do you mean that those programmes are on - or not ???
will I ever - leave the hairs :o
-
Not!
on my chin
-
those I pluck ;)
-
with my gold
-
narrow tweezers which
-
grip the hair
-
pulling gently: POP :o
-
oops! out comes
-
Where's the antiseptic
-
under the sink
-
Behind the bleach
-
and the polish
-
Noooo it's empty
-
spilt the lot :-\
-
over my best
-
cream hand towels
-
They're brand new
-
cost a packet
-
I'll buy more
-
with the money
-
I got when
-
the cheque clears
-
From my win
-
One thousand pounds!
-
no publicity though
-
Don't want mither
-
Mither =? ???
Quiet person me ::)
-
Mither = fuss
I'm very noisy
-
the OH says
-
I'm listening to
-
The football and
-
My team's winning
-
For a change
-
As a rest
-
quick lay down
-
Then some housework
-
of black T
-
And a biscuit
-
Do you dunk?
-
I do occasionally ::)
-
chocolate digestive biscuits
-
Maybe 2 or ...
-
Sometimes it's 4
-
I am naughty ::)
-
But, don't care
-
I'm worth it :D
-
Tomorrow I'll diet
-
tomorrow never comes ;)
-
it's here it's today ;D
-
Shall I go
-
Diary so I
-
Appointment with the
-
the best massage
-
worth every penny
-
little black book?
-
No that's for
-
flowers in my garden
-
Yellows, whites and
-
only in summer
-
Because in the
-
winter I usually
-
hibernate with the
-
duvet and the
-
Wine, chocolates and
-
switch on telly
-
Emerge in April
-
When the daffodils
-
Are just emerging
-
from the ground
-
when suddenly the
-
Doorbell rang (dingdong)
-
Smiling softly. His
-
Milk money please
-
;D
for 12 weeks
-
I said,"hmmm"
-
I'm flat broke
-
Do a carboot?
-
Not enough stuff
-
Oh no! might
-
Rob a bank
-
turnout my pockets
-
to see if
-
A miracle happens
-
hmm lottery ticket ::)
-
Won a tenner!
-
Buy some more!
-
life is good
-
Ive won again!
-
how much - lots?
-
anything would be<wave>CLKD
-
;D - try next week
-
to get the
-
peace and quiet
-
English language. Let's
-
repeat after me
-
Get an allowance
-
for dark chocolate
-
And bottles of
-
sweet bubble bath
-
bubbly, sparkling champagne
-
and dark chocolate
-
Noooo, the calories ......
-
okay then, massages
-
by the man
-
from 50 shades
-
don't know him
-
Christain Grey.......Mmmmmm
-
He's very ........ Different
-
No not really ::)
-
But he's rich
-
But money mostly :)
-
But money can't
-
Buy you love!
-
security and trust
-
then they must
-
Find that elsewhere ;)
-
behind the sofa
-
He hides there?
-
under the cushion
-
like a mushroom
-
It's Tom Thumb!
-
with a cigar
-
blowing smoke rings
-
from his nose
-
flicking ash all
-
over the house
-
send him outside :o
-
House stinks now
-
open those windows
-
It's getting windy
-
too many beans(!)
-
:clapping:
long walk required
-
All alone now :-\
-
until along comes
-
Incy wincy spider :o
-
Bold as Brass
-
Hilary Devey Autobiography
( sorry, should this be in the book thread) ;D
-
from Dragon's Den
-
breathing out fire
-
all over poor
-
Mr Duncan Bannatyne. (he's not poor though) :)
-
" I'm out" says
-
The Scottish man
-
The big yin
-
Billy is going
-
To succeed himself
-
too big headed
-
about all the
-
to walk through
-
the pearly gates
-
So he waited
-
for the bus
-
which takes him
-
to the boozer
-
he downs a
-
Gin and Tonic (wish it was me) ;)
-
then asks for
-
Another with a
-
Packet of Marmite Twiglets
-
not scampi fries?
-
nope, give me
-
Twigllts and a
-
glass of cider
-
Gin & Cider?
-
might be nice
-
No, it's disgusting
-
Like pork scratchings?
-
cheese and jam :barf:
-
not my favourite
-
Try Chocolate and
-
strawberries with a
-
Slice of cheddar
-
served by my
-
Favourite dessert chef
-
Who won a
-
gold medal for
-
Tai Kwan do (not sure if that's spelt right!)
-
and also for
-
the biggest ever
-
hop, skip, jump
-
to the loo
-
Before each match!
-
then some more
-
crunchy nut cornflakes
-
And sour milk
-
Yuk, yuk, yuk!
-
That's a yoghurt
-
Muller crunch corner
-
With chocolate balls
-
And calories galore
-
Low fat ones
-
Don't taste nice
-
So don't bother
-
buy luxury,and
-
savour every mouthful
-
now and again
-
it is good
-
Sometimes though I
-
Count the calories
-
And get depressed
-
but chocolate helps
-
me to forget
-
The diet and
-
all of that
-
My favourite food
-
has to be
-
roast beef, Yorkshire
puds and gravey
2 x 3 ;)
-
Especially on Sundays!
-
or any day
-
When I'm out
-
Perhaps at M&S
-
Yes, good idea
-
The meal deal
-
Yes, love that
-
some new knickers?
-
Always buying knickers ::)
-
Not to eat!
-
Edible underwear ... kinky ;D
-
And chocolate spread
-
Or Philadelphia cheese (Mmmmm!!!!)
hi LM
-
chocolate fudge cake
-
lashings of cream
-
warmed through first
-
Will exercise tomorrow
-
maybe a little
-
Towards the fridge!
-
Don't open the door :o
-
Because it's empty
-
Wot! No munchies?
-
No just salad!
-
And some cheese
-
a few grapes
-
fed to me
-
one by one
-
not George Clooney ;D
-
Yes, he'll do.
-
maybe two feeders 8) ::)
-
One either side?
-
Ok, George and
-
Christian grey, wearing
-
Nothing but a
-
a smile and
-
A gold thong
-
then his hips
-
tanned, toned and
-
looking nice actually :D
-
Smiled a smile
-
Then I fainted
-
felt his lips
-
Like Mick Jagger
-
Oh dear, no! :o (http://:o)
-
felt like rubber
-
Was very disappointed
-
I woke up..
-
and lying beside
-
Me was a
-
letter marked 'private'
-
S.W.A.L.K was on
-
bright red envelope
-
not enough stamps :o
-
had to pay!
-
attention to the
-
postman's high-vis jacket
-
Because it said
-
Strip a gram
-
off it came
-
I ran away ...
-
could not watch ::) (http://::))
-
but wanted to
-
Hid behind the curtains
-
Left a gap ;)
-
took a peak
-
What a sight
-
for sore eyes
-
oh do tell ;D
-
well I saw ..
-
the cat asleep
-
on top of
-
the ironing pile
-
And a man
-
stroking and caressing ::)
-
my gold fish
-
swims in circles
-
To get away!
-
from glass bowl?
-
on top of
-
My fridge is
-
A secret camera
-
to watch them
-
fridge pickers pinching
-
My chocolate stash!
-
Not having that!
-
I'm climbing in
-
to cool fridge
-
And catch them
-
Nicking my chocolate
-
makes me mad >:(
-
Which isn't good
-
for anyone concerned
-
Because I shall
-
throw a wobbly >:(
-
too hot for that!
-
unless wobbly jelly! ;D
-
with vanilla icecream!
-
or a dash
-
Of single cream!
-
(spot on TT :D)
which I love
-
as much as
-
evaporated milk,which
-
my mum gave
-
me with peaches
-
Sliced and served
-
in favourite bowl
-
made of glass
-
with a 'leg'
-
And angel delight
-
What's your flavour ?
-
Quite like butterscotch
-
Or raspberry or
-
strawberry but most
-
of all,chocolate
-
yum, yum, yum
-
want more please
-
With a flake
-
or chocolate sprinkles
-
food again ;D
-
and then some
-
much needed sleep?
-
nice cool room
-
With comfy bed
-
and my favourite
-
book to read
-
Soon tired eyes
-
lids begin to close...
-
then jolt awake!
-
Where was I?!
-
on page ten
-
or was it 12?
-
can't remember,so
-
I'll start again
-
with some chocolate
-
To help me
-
feel more perky
-
Reading 50 shades
-
is my way
-
To get myself
-
In M&S to
-
Buy a treat
-
For the bedroom!
-
fluffy lamp shades
-
black satin sheets,
-
Pink baby doll!!!!!....
-
High necked nightdress
-
Wolly bed socks
-
Nice hot chocolate
-
with fresh cream
-
Mayba marshmallows too
-
and a dash
-
Chocolate dusting powder
-
With a flake
-
I feel full
-
But want some
-
Toast & marmite
-
With a large
-
mug of tea
-
and then a
-
Relaxing neck massage
-
and a facial
-
Oh, what bliss....
-
pedicure for me :-*
-
nice looking tootsies
-
trimmed clean nails
-
with polish applied
-
bright mauve with sparkles
-
except liitle one
-
because it has
-
A diamond instead!
-
which was present
-
at birth,so
-
rare and special
-
Worth a fortune
-
the porn man
-
do you mean pawn ;D
the pawn man = beg, borrow, steal :o
-
Was my dad :rofl:
-
:o :o :o oops
He had a
-
Large diamond stash
-
in the wine cellar
-
and when mum..
-
counted them all
-
She chose one
-
most precious one
-
She had it
-
on her finger
-
It was heavy
-
And very shiny
-
" for my firstborn!"
-
Have 7 children
-
Have a kit kat ;)
-
Need a Gin
-
After having septuplets
-
need some peace!
-
from the wailing
-
and the feeding
-
boobs are shrinking :(
-
All the washing!
-
is making me
-
feel washed out
-
Need a tonic
-
In the gin
-
Oh mother's ruin! :o
-
things when they
-
drink too much
-
Must stay sober
-
Caring for seven
-
pieces of cake
-
And seven babies!
-
born in the
-
middle of night
-
without any drugs
-
high on adrenaline
-
must keep going
-
Because tomorrow I
-
go back too
-
Work at the
-
Massage salon and!
-
I've broken my
-
Resolve to give
-
Bogof on treatments
-
but i will
-
so very busy
-
catching up with
-
i really will
-
wonder: continuity Girls ;)
-
Why I'm there
-
and not gardening
-
because outside theres
-
lots to do
-
in the sunshine :-*
-
Eating ice cream
-
and strawberries with
-
pink / white meringues
-
and extra cream
-
kitchen roll: please :o
-
I'm a messy
-
Eater, need bibs
-
and face cloth!
-
finger bowl please
-
with warm towel
-
less sticky now
-
for sewing on
-
My new badge
-
that says I'm
-
Good in bed :)
-
especially when I'm
-
High on chocolate
-
covered raisins,then
-
I'm ready for
-
A bit of :-*
-
slap and tickle
-
:sigh:Got a headache
-
Not another one!
-
Hormones I expect.
-
Pass the paracetamol
-
cooling damp cloth
-
Blackout curtain so
-
He won't see ;)
-
my huge knickers
-
with any luck
-
but head sore
-
Tablets not worked?
-
Whats up doc?
-
Not a lot ;D
-
Next one please :)
-
computer says no!
-
Am I bovvered?! ;D
-
;D don't think so
-
maybe its catching
-
you keep it
-
to yourself or
-
I will tell
-
the Whole World :o
-
and his dog
-
went to mow
-
Her lady garden
-
which looked like
-
an overgrown conifer
-
chop it down
-
before it falls
-
On my extension
-
Do it yourself :)
-
tend own garden ;D
-
what great fun :D
-
we will have
-
when we go
-
To the fair
-
Eating the candyfloss
-
and toffee apples
-
And the milkshake
-
then roller coaster
-
Sick bag please :sick02:
-
then start again?
-
never, never, never :o
-
its all over
-
grown up now
-
And very sensible
-
most days I
-
dress myself correctly!
-
in a uniform
-
nurses - for OH?
-
Makes him all....... :-*
-
happy and smiley
-
gets him in
-
A good mood
-
for putting up
-
Stairs our new
-
four poster bed
-
That I bought
-
To spice up ;)
-
our love life
-
The problem though
-
Instructions are missing
-
so we'll have
-
watch a dvd
-
Naughty or not?
-
Naughty,but nice. ;)
-
Nooooo, fell asleep
-
Hubby is cross :cuss:
-
i told him
-
Tomorrow's the day
-
for brisk walking
-
taking the air
-
and getting appetite
-
Then he can ::)
-
do the business
-
turning compost then ???
-
If he's good
-
stay in bed! ;D
-
Lights off because
-
the bulbs blown
-
have to go
-
to Stresscos >:( to
-
replace my old
-
plug in device
-
That helps my
-
getting me to
-
Curl my hair Hi Dyan
-
for a special
Hi LM
-
girly night out
-
but i wont
-
wear red lipstick
-
especially as it
-
will stain his
-
Best white shirt
-
oh not again
-
Where's the stain remover?
-
"Lipstick on his collar...."
-
Not red lipstick?
-
whose is it?
-
it must be
-
That woman from
-
the corner shop
-
She's always chatting
-
to him and
-
Offering him something
-
Very cheap! I
-
On the game
-
but cant do
-
Much about it
-
Set a trap
-
And a camera
-
i saw them
-
Three blind mice
-
In the kitchen
-
behind the door
-
They're hiding from
-
The fat cats
-
From next door
-
Tom and Jerry :)
-
They are huge!
-
and keep growing
-
up so tall
-
one day they'll
-
Be like tigers
-
Orange and stripey? ;D
-
with big fangs
-
I'm scared now
-
don't have nightmares!
-
what me never! ;D
-
sweet dreams are
-
My nightly ritual
-
mine - a bubble bath
-
Read a book
-
cup of tea
-
nice soothing music
-
Glass of wine
-
washed up yet?
-
Dried up now :-\
-
stacked away: then
-
everything tidy now
-
husband helped out
-
Now he wants!
-
to watch tv
-
so what's new?
-
Well, he normally
-
Hogs the remote :ftp://
-
he's in heaven ;D
-
watching the footie
-
not in this house :o
-
In this house
-
all is quiet :-*
-
He fell asleep zzzzz
-
tiptoes around him
-
Whispers in ear
-
"cat's been sick"
-
all over carpet
-
what a mess
-
Pass the dettol
-
and a cloth
-
send cat outside
-
Noooo, it's raining
-
Its stopped now
-
so I can
-
go and buy
-
A new carpet
-
changed my mind
-
A new sofa?
-
I need one
-
I'd like one
-
so would I
-
Let's get both !
-
Carpet and sofa?
-
Far too expensive! ;D
-
Futon then? colour ..........
-
How about grey?
-
50 shades of? ;)
-
Perhaps better too
-
Go for yellow
-
nice and bright!
-
Sun is out :)
-
Some new curtains?
-
blinds for shade?
-
in sunny weather
-
its raining again
-
Keep curtains closed >:(
-
Turn heating up
-
dressing gown and
-
Socks need replacing
-
a visit to
-
M&S is required
-
need spending money
-
I've got money
-
Let's go then
-
new slippers peeerrrrlleeess (can't find any other than Granny types anywhere ::) )
-
Tried 'Next' CLKD?
-
Not yet : slippers?
-
Yes, look online
-
Let's get shopping
-
Ok. What first
-
Look for holidays :)
-
How about Italy?
-
Venice? Very romantic.
-
I could take
-
a gondola trip
-
just one cornetto
-
No, want two
-
or maybe three :D
-
Nooooo, that's greedy :)
-
Ok, just one ;D
-
Chocolate or strawberry?
-
mmmmm, decisions, decisions
xx
-
Chocolate for me
-
Flake in it?
-
Yes sprinkles too!
-
cherry on top
-
A wafer biscuit?
-
Why not, and.......
-
A fizzy drink
-
don't like fizzy
-
have starbucks instead?
-
with a muffin
-
no, carrot cake.
-
And a latte
-
caffine gives me
-
A headache and
-
too many jitters
-
Well tea then?
-
And sticky bun
-
caffieine in tea?
-
De caff then?
-
You're a fussy lot ;D
-
yes we are! ;D
-
good isn't it? :)
-
a lady's prerogative
-
Is to change
-
So let's start
-
What's first then?
-
Write a story.......
Once upon a
-
nice young man ::)
-
He looks like
-
an advert for..
-
levi jeans man
-
His cheeks are!
-
Pert and round!!! ;D
-
His eyes are ::)
-
Very deep blue
-
His lips are
-
Mmmmmn, just right
-
his hands are...
-
A bit rough >:(
-
a bit grimy :o
-
Where's he been >:(
-
Fixing the car
-
oil, grease and
-
yesterday's chip paper..
-
:-\ Run a bath
-
Bath needs cleaning
-
Toilet is vile
-
use bleach and
-
plenty elbow grease
-
spray the air-freshener
-
Open the window
-
light a candle
-
and wish for
-
A toy boy ;D
-
a stressless day
-
no such thing
-
perhaps on holiday?
-
In the sun
-
wearing speedos and
-
A nice smile ;D
-
that sends a
-
tingle down there :D
-
where? down there?
-
a little mouse.....
-
under the chair
-
with clogs on
-
going clip clipperty
-
clop on the..
-
Stairs in the
-
big stately home..
-
Where I work.
-
as a maid
-
Monday's and Tuesdays.
-
on wednesday i
-
Do bar work
-
Dressed to kill
-
thigh high leather
-
White fluffy tail
-
with pom poms
-
Very high heels
-
Boobs like mountains ;D
-
round pert bottom
-
Looked a mess ;D
-
Needs a makeover
-
nothing will help
-
Old and wrinkly
-
Perhaps not all.......
-
of us, though
-
I'm very smooth
-
in that area
-
Must be the......
-
Cream I use
-
Or perhaps the
-
Vitamins I take
-
or cellulite scrub?
-
helps my patch
-
to stay where
-
it should be
-
and not in
-
bed stuck too
-
My big fat ::)
-
cuddly panda,that
-
Sleeps next to
-
I cuddle up to
-
my husband's bum ;)
-
or his tum ;D
-
I'm not fussy :)
-
should I be?
-
perhaps I should
-
be more specific
-
I want a
-
good night's sleep
-
with happy dreams
-
and no sweats
-
Then waking up
-
nice and refreshed
-
would be nice
-
For a change
-
I hear snoring :cuss:
-
It's the dog!
-
So he says
-
But I know
-
That it isn't ;D
-
as in my ear
-
I have a
-
digital hearing aid :whist:
-
That never lies
-
I can hear
-
Some footsteps downstairs
-
It's my 'friend' !! ;) :-*
-
hes here for
-
A shower, so
-
Must get towels
-
and shower gel
-
shower for two?
-
let me think?
-
Could get messy :o
-
Well who cares
-
certainly not me!
-
Right! Need a
-
Rubber duck and
-
A clean facecloth
-
some smelly candles
-
nice hot water
-
Glass of bubbly
-
bunch of grapes
-
some romantic music
-
Ready now for
-
A bit of ;)
-
:wub: can't say
-
that's between us :love:
-
We won't tell ;)
-
Do you promise?
-
I promise to .......
-
have lots of
-
Fun because we
-
are alone together
-
Somone is peeking :-\
-
oh not again
-
must be Tom
-
From next door
-
Toms a cat :cat48:
-
I feed him
-
comes back for more
-
ignores his owners
-
who have tried
-
To tempt him
-
With various titbits
-
He's very fussy :(
-
Likes chicken though
-
chases for hours
-
And catches a
-
Bluebottle which he
-
traps with paw
-
It's still buzzing :-\
-
he's eaten it :o
-
all - left nothing
-
licked his chops
-
Goes outside and
-
finds a tree
-
Stuck up tree!!
-
Get the ladders
-
And a fireman :-*
-
Might be firelady
-
They do exist
-
Cat won't care
-
You might though :o
-
fireman shows me
-
His great big
-
Belt, that he
-
keeps his chopper
-
at the ready
-
Ohhh! said the........
-
damsel in distress
-
"save me" from
-
All this heat
-
put out my fire! ;)
-
Oops, no water
-
use an extinguisher
-
Fires out now :hotflash:
-
grabs thick cardy
-
now I'm cold!
-
Get a blanket
-
Cuddle up with......
-
A hot toddy
-
a good book
-
And some music
-
Rihanna or Chopin?
-
Name that tune :whist:
-
Umbrella, ella, ella
-
Fitzgerald or someone
-
Wet,wet, wet
-
sleet, ice, snow :o
-
Gloves, hat, scarf
-
Thermal knickers and
-
hot water bottle
-
Snuggle close to
-
The two dogs
-
by the fire
-
Bottle of wine
-
And some nibbles
-
crackers and cheese
-
Pickled onion crisps
-
oh no thanks!
-
Plain then and.......
-
A few chocolates
-
Milk tray man?
-
prefer just chocolate
-
Dairymilk or Galaxy
-
Oh Galaxy please
-
Why not both?
-
or turkish delight
-
Eaten too much :sick02:
-
Feel better now
-
Need a holiday
-
but first i
-
Must sort out
-
My knicker draw ;D
-
And buy more.
-
thick and fleecy?
-
No, small & sexy
-
cold and itchy
-
no,silky and
-
made with lace
-
And very expensive
-
better off than
-
them next door,
-
they have got
-
old grey bloomers ;D
-
With holes in
-
What's the problem?
-
Lack of money :(
-
Need a job?
-
better washing powder
-
Need a job? Better washing powder. CLKD. Lol
-
Oh must keep up ;D
Need a job
No thank you ......
-
Just part time?
-
hoovering, ironing, sheets
-
all at once?
-
Where's limpy gone? ???
-
I noticed that?
-
Deleted her account?
-
Not if she's shown as a guest? On holiday perhaps?
Right: where were we?
deleted her account - come back soon
-
deleted, wonder why?
-
Once upon a time
-
A family went
-
on holiday to
-
the Isle of Skye
who was 'limpy' before she left? and if you continue reading let us know : why are you posting as a Guest?
-
on the ferry
-
feeling very sick :sick02:
-
getting off soon
-
wonderful scenery: aaaahhhh <hands over bucket> ;)
-
Feel better now
-
Let's go shopping
-
Any shop in particular?
-
A cake shop :cupcake:
-
The Silver Shop (on the Island - was an old school)
-
I've spent loads
-
but got something
-
With a cherry
-
on the top
-
:cupcake: like this?
-
love cherry bakewells
-
oh me too :-*
-
Like ginger cake
-
fresh cream eclairs :D
-
Forget the diet!
-
Don't do dieting
-
healthy eating sometimes?
-
An occasional salad :)
-
with balsamic vinegar :-*
-
With a helping.......
-
chips and steak
-
mushy peas and
-
Cup of tea :)
-
with 2 sugers
-
mug or cup?
-
Now let's party :party:
-
who to invite?
-
me, them, us
-
We could dance :cancan:
-
and sing karaoke
-
Play some games
-
Spin the bottle
-
Blind Man's Buff
-
And Simon says
-
Tail on the donkey
-
Follow the leader
-
who is the leader :o (not George again ::) )
-
Pass the parcel
-
kiss chase with
-
Cops and Robbers
-
( I have just read this thread from the beginning in 2010, it's hilarious, well worth the read if you need a good laugh ;D )
-
snakes and ladders
-
How about ludo
-
tiddlywinks for me
-
Rock Paper Scissors
-
Bored of games now
-
have vodka instead
-
then get out
-
Side and start
-
making sand castles
-
Can't, no spade
-
With our hands
-
No bucket either
-
oh so messy
-
But good fun :)
-
in the sun
-
Don't forget sun cream
-
Don't have any
-
Sit in shade
-
Under a tree?
-
sniffing a flower :tulips2:
-
Can't, get hayfever
-
Oops it's raining >:(
-
Quick let's run
-
To a cave
-
like famous five?
-
On Treasure island
-
This is exciting
-
i like adventures
-
Lets get going :)
-
Got your backpack?
-
Yes let's go
-
Mines very heavy
-
All that food!
-
Maps and torch!
-
Wine and glasses
-
Tent for two ;)
-
Blanket on ground
-
Stars are out
-
Light the fire
-
have sausage sizzle?
-
What's that noise ? :bounci:
-
:o :o ;D
-
A wild animal?
-
No: it's Gary Barlow :-*
-
;D ;D ;D CLKD........Back to the plot
It's a BEAR,!!
-
Get the rifle
-
where is it?
-
Behind the tree
-
Quick run he's......
-
Distracted by the
-
Smell of a......
-
Dead body that
-
is totally nude
-
but has a
-
Flower in his ;)
-
hairy right nostril
-
He sneezed then
-
but he's dead?
-
He was kidding
-
He's running away
-
Good now we
-
Can continue our
-
Adventure to the
-
sweaty Australian jungle!
-
will take (a) while :o
-
Shall we cruise?
-
Very good idea!
-
Need smart clothes
-
Will Primark do ?
-
No, not really
-
Buy on cruiseship?
-
Ok but expensive :yes:
-
TK Max then?
-
Yes, that's ok
-
Right, bought tiara
-
Need some heels
-
For captains table?
-
Exactly. Also need
-
An evening dress
-
floaty, long and
-
A wrap for
-
up on deck
-
The bands playing :whist:
-
ready to tango?
-
with the captain? ;)
-
He's very handsome :-*
-
They always are!
-
He's not married.
-
but I am
-
He won't care :-X
-
my husband will
-
We reached Bardados :sunny:
-
Get the suncream
-
Ride the Banana _Boat ? :o
-
We'll get wet
-
sun dries us
-
On the nudist......
-
Beach I saw
-
the woman from
-
Next door, she.........
-
was wearing the
-
Tea Cosy and.....
-
nothing else apart.......
-
From a bandage
-
' Help ' she shouted :o
-
Did anyone hear?
-
No, everyone's drunk
-
Except the lifeguard! :-*
-
but hes wearing
-
his wife's undies
-
He looks odd
-
But feels sexy
-
off his head
-
Been drinking the........
-
them cocktails called
-
Sex on the beach!
-
That explains why.......
-
Now you know
-
He goes swimming
-
Every morning before
-
he starts work
-
He works at
-
The bowling alley
-
polishing the balls
-
A lady arrives ;)
-
Whom he recognises
-
Please help me :-*
-
My car is
-
So small that........
-
I can't fit
-
My bikini in ;)
-
Need a 4x4
-
or camper van? ;D
-
With double bed :bed:
-
so we can
-
Rent it out
-
To George Cloony :-*
-
with room service? ;)
-
Won't need it ;)
-
Because George brings.......
-
A picnic basket
-
with champagne + strawberries?
-
And chocolate sauce ::)
-
He paints it........
-
All over my
-
Face and then
-
licks it off
-
He's being naughty ;)
-
but nice ;)
-
PLEASE stop George :spin:
-
it tickles ;D
-
Need a shower
-
cool me down
-
george has a
-
Mole on his :o
-
bum :o
-
Have you been peeking?
-
Ohhh!!! It's BIG
-
You shouldnt look!
-
Who wouldn't look ? ;D
-
blushing now :-[
-
to my roots :-[ :-[
-
back home :)
-
tucked up tight
-
nighty night
-
Burglar Alarms going off
-
no-one takes notice
-
Call the police
-
the police have
-
no time
-
But come anyway
-
they take out
-
3 bin bags
-
full of rubbish
-
They'll sift through
-
for left overs ::)
-
bubble and squeak
-
hands over plate
-
to share around
-
with HP Sauce?
-
Yes and tomato
-
washed down with
-
A glass of
-
ice cold milk
-
with a straw
-
And a paper umbrella
-
and for afters.....
-
A game of ?
-
Spin the bottle?
-
must be drunk
-
room is spinning ::)
-
Need a coffee
-
And a lie.......
-
down to recover
-
just been sick :sick02:
-
Fetch the doctor ;)
-
Doctor's not well
-
He's drunk too ;D
-
What now then?
-
fetch the nurse
-
She's busy with ;)
-
new babies: and
-
anyway, she's useless
-
Once she stuck :steamed:
-
a plaster on
-
on an eyeball
-
that really hurt
-
Screamed out loud :'(
-
Everyone said 'shhhh'
-
couldnt stop laughing
-
Got disapproving looks
-
Carried on anyway ;D
-
Anyway, I must
-
Stuff the Turkey
-
Because at Christmas
-
everything gets stuffed ;D
-
Santa is busy :)
-
soon be here
-
6 more sleeps
-
Lots of shopping :)
-
and wrapping to do :o
-
Reindeer are pregnant
-
naughty boy rudolph
-
his nose glowed
-
as did his .....
-
Wallet because Santa
-
took it away
-
Now he cant
-
Buy any sherry
-
Or mince pies
-
Fish and chips ??
-
Had that yesterday
-
santa would like
-
lots of snow
-
Deep and crisp..........
-
and even brightly ........
-
shone the stars
-
that night, Though
-
the frost was ..
-
cruel when a
-
When a poor
-
man came in
-
And said 'help!'. (bored of the carol, lol)
-
stuck in snow ...
-
any room at inn?
-
only the stable
-
not that again
-
same every year
-
It was snowing ⛄
-
Door was frozen
-
So stay tonight
-
keep you warm
-
With hot water bottles
-
And a Onesie ;D
-
And then tomorrow
-
and fluffy slippers
-
those animal hats ::)
-
big chunky scarves
-
Hand knitted mittens ;D
-
cosy ear muffs
-
big thick socks
-
fluffy warm muffs
-
a furry huff
-
The adventure begins !
-
Off we went
-
into the unknown
-
We see a ?
-
Bus full of
-
naked skinny men
-
:o they'll freeze up
-
what a shame :)
-
They need a
-
Good meal and
-
Rub down with
-
lovely hot oils
-
Are you offering?
-
go on then
-
Where to begin ;) ?
-
Ermm, not sure
-
tell me where ?
-
Let's ask him
-
Ask a MAN!!!! :o :-X ;)
-
Mmmmn, maybe not
-
he might say
-
Up a bit !
-
to the right!
-
That's the spot :spin:
-
Feel much better
-
thanks for that
-
do it again
-
your taking advantage
-
Right, I'm off
-
enough is enough
-
Let's go to
-
The supermarket and
-
and buy some
-
Bleach, ready for
-
the norovirus threat
-
Then home to
-
do some scrubbing
-
Then tomorrow I'm
-
treating myself to
-
A sauna with :whist:
-
My new neighbour ::)
-
It's the Vicar ! :madeyes:
-
Ooeerr, I say
-
And he's married!
-
For FOURTH time !!!!!
-
Are you sure?
-
well not really
-
Got 9 children!
-
with 1 women
-
They're all girls!
-
awww no boys
-
No. All girls
-
thats a shame
-
All those hormones
-
what a waste
-
9 stroppy teenagers
-
god help him
-
to cope with
-
All that washing
-
of tiny thongs
-
And fancy bra's. Hi Dyan
-
The washing machine
Hi LM
-
might give up
-
Need a man :yes:
-
Don't we all? ;D
-
None are available
-
not here anyway
-
Maybe try the Internet
-
Lets ask Google !!
-
Google's not working
-
internet down again
-
Fab when working
-
lost without it
-
need an asprin
-
Not another headache
-
Lie back and :whist: :oops:!!!
-
Are you asleep?
-
Can't you tell?
-
You're not snoring
-
That means nothing (trust me)
-
Just dreaming of........
-
Mowing the lawn
-
dream or nightmare!
-
Definitely a dream
-
Alarm goes off !
-
The Burgler alarm
-
I can hear :bounci:
-
Noises downstairs, help!
-
It's the postman !
-
In the house?
-
Got a key :yes: :love:
-
Does anyone know?
-
His name because
-
he's an imposter
-
hes called Pat
-
and has cat
-
That's having kittens
-
ah little pussys
-
fluffy and sweet
-
Sweet as sugar
-
sugar is poison
-
Nice in chocolate
-
sweet hot chocolate
-
with pink marshmallows
-
Goes on hips ::)
-
moment on lips
-
lick taste enjoy
-
Diet starts tomorrow :)
-
Grapefruit for breakfast
-
aww too sour
-
Good for you
-
So is chocolate 🍩
-
only in moderation.....
-
Shall we diet?
-
I've got to :(
-
Start tomorrow then?
-
That sounds good! ;)
-
Will look good too
-
Then buy clothes
-
without stress shopping
-
catalogues for us?
-
Nooooo, like shopping
-
Hate trying on.
-
tiny changing room
-
Don't try on.
-
buy elasticated waistbands
-
for my boobs? ;D
-
If you like :)
-
can't stop laughing ;D ;D
-
Need Tena Lady??? 😆
-
wee wee wee
-
all (the) way home
-
This little Piggy 🐖
-
went to Marks
-
To buy plants
-
A beautiful Orchid
-
And a large
-
pair of knickers
-
With big pockets ;D
-
For what then?
-
A tissue and ?
-
lipstick - never know....
-
best be prepared
-
For the unexpected.
-
deserted on island
-
With just a
-
packet of those
-
Coloured flavoured things :na:
-
that cause hyperactivity
-
in small children
-
just small children?
-
no, probably everyone!
:bounce:
-
We'll be hyper?
-
yes if we
hi LM
-
Eat them all. Hi Dyan
-
Eat them :o ........ ???
-
Talking about Smarties
-
PHEW! wondered .......... :-X
-
blue ones worst
-
'Theres a pink one ' 🎵
-
Don't ignore orange
-
Full of E no's
-
bad for you
-
but so nice
-
also midget gems
or sports mixtures
-
and dolly mixture
-
flying saucers with serbert
-
and jelly babies
-
flavoursome jelly bellies
-
Sherbet dips and.......
-
big gob stoppers
-
For our trip
-
so we dont
-
get car sick
-
because we suck
-
barley sugar sweets
<waves Dyan>
-
I find they
-
Give me wind :-[
-
whew - you're smelly ;D
-
blame the dog ;D
-
just not me
-
Was cabbage soup :beaurk:
-
purple sprouting brocollii?
-
too much cauliflower!
waves CLKD!
-
Something for wind ! 😷💊💊
-
brisk beach walk ;D
-
The tides in ;D
-
Lets go paddling ;)
-
and collect shells
-
Just stood on >:(
-
A used condom :)
-
:worm: quick get out >:(
-
Before the wearer
-
wants it back?
-
Pass the bucket :sick02:
-
I feel sick
-
Feel sick again?
-
Drink hot water
-
Will whiskey do?
-
Yes, or Brandy?
-
Hic!! :na: happy now
-
snaps with cream
-
ginger helps nausea
-
Whiskey and ginger then
-
So shall we??
-
Get drunk then?
-
(whisky and ginger) ..
when watching rugby (ginger grouse)
Fx
-
nope to both! >:(
-
Ice skating then?
-
or snowball fight
-
Or bungee jumping
-
Don't think so
-
how about skiing?
-
we got snow ;D
-
Down the mountain ;) :crutch:
-
Towards the pub
-
no its closed >:(
-
kettle's on here ;)
-
Hot toddy then 🍷
-
toddy recipe please
-
brandy + brandy honey :)
-
any whisky there?
-
Glayva Lemonade Honey
-
So what's next ????
-
A 5k run?
-
What's the prize?
-
wait and see
-
Its really big
-
Is it edible ?
-
A new car!
-
oh how wonderful!
-
A Dinky car ;)
-
IN original box?
-
worth a lot?
-
Yes mega money. :)
-
never as much (as we woud like to think ) ;)
-
Who needs money
-
Me Me Me
-
To do what?
-
Anything I like ;D
-
For example?
-
Travel the world 8)
-
Buy heating oil
-
retire from work
-
OH YES PLEASE!
-
With big pension
-
to spend on?
-
A toy boy :love:
-
Not enough energy ;D
-
Him or you?
-
Him of course. :)
-
He needs vitamins 💊💊💊💊
-
The health shop
-
Do they sell ;) :safe:
-
energy pills too ?
-
Yes, to give
-
Him a big ;D
-
smile and hug ;D
-
Then maybe he
-
would like a
-
Intimate candlelit dinner
-
Wouldn't we all?
-
No chance here! ;D
-
We can hope ;D
-
Pigs can fly
Fx
-
oh not pigs too!
-
Lets give him..........
-
A shopping list
-
A wonky trolley ???
-
A long queue
-
Are there others?
-
A grumpy assistant :sigh:
-
not a jobsworth?
-
he's really unhappy
-
give him Kleenex ::)
-
wipe his tears
-
tickle his ribs
-
with a feather
-
Might be allergic
-
suggest an alternative?
-
Alternative to a feather?
-
bathing in Guiness?
-
A bit expensive
-
and rather murky
-
wouldn't smell nice :barf:
-
never ever does
-
makes bath brown
-
So, what now?
-
wait and see
-
He was married >:( :kick:
-
Not another one.
-
string him up
-
kinky games: :o
-
Lets all play ;D
-
later, Girls, later .......
-
Is it Christian Grey?
-
No he's busy :-* :-X
-
Oh. Is he rich?
-
won the lottery
-
rich sugar daddy
-
I like him
-
I know him ;)
-
Still like him?
-
when he's asleep
-
Which isn't often
-
Oh: why not ........ :whist:
-
Borrow his credit card
-
Lets buy a ;)
-
bright red car
-
a soft top
-
A new one?
-
Vintage Maserati ......... chauffeur?
-
Carry On chauffeur :-)
-
A naughty chauffeur :wub: :love: :hapij:
-
who drives me
-
To the shops
-
and waits expectantly
-
For a tip
-
then takes me.....
-
To the cemetery
-
lay some flowers
-
For his hamster
-
Who died because?
-
Choked on a carrot
-
Sad, isn't it?
-
Bought another one :)
-
So all's well :)
-
Shall we go
-
Get a replacement
-
And have 2?
-
they might breed
-
Hamsters fight: injuries?
-
Vicious things hamsters
-
Need two cages
-
Call handsome vet ;)
-
flirt a little?
-
Vet's too busy
-
Spending their money
-
buying cream cakes ;D
-
Before they diet
-
A midnight feast ??
-
Yes! Good idea
-
<hands over plate> ('cos I'm unlikely to be awake at mid-night ;D )
-
love chocolate eclairs
-
don't we all
-
Had one yesterday
-
special treat then?
-
'Yes' forget the ?
-
Diet, I'm starving
-
Fish and chips :)
-
not tonight: full-up ::)
-
So shall we.........
-
have another one?
-
Shhh! don't tell
-
Look who's listening :o!!!
-
I'm now listening ........... ???
-
Everyone gather round :hug:
-
I have news
-
It's about Barbara
-
Windsor's young husband
-
young hot guy?
-
That's the one
-
Well he's a .......
-
Twin, so he's
-
Going to have :hapij: :peace: :whist:
-
A double party
-
not for me >:(
-
You're no twin
-
She's an imposter?
-
acting a part
-
wig and all :o
-
false lashes and
-
Dressed like a
-
Pantomime cow: front end
-
who's in the
-
local community play
-
which needs someone
-
With no inhibitions :hapij:
-
caution to (the) wind
-
Wouldn't care who.......
-
saw their knickers
-
Or indeed their
-
Belly button stud ;D
-
or tattoo on
-
Their large bottom
-
that says,"does
Hi LM
-
He also has ?
-
Lots of piercings
-
oh not piercings >:(
-
Where are they?
-
keeps them secret
-
In a discreet....
-
but tasteful place
-
No such place ;D
-
Such a pessimist. :)
-
We can dream..... ;D
-
You dream on :P
-
I dreamt that ......
-
my dentist gave
-
me a horrid
-
**** in my :o
-
left lower gum >:(
-
which is really
-
making me want
-
To throw up.
-
all over him
-
must try to
-
walk briskly away
-
Because the police........
-
Are walking nearby
-
STOP! They shout :-\
-
It wasn't me
-
They don't believe me
-
But why not?
-
Got a record
-
Out come handcuffs :'(
-
Need a lawyer
-
The very best
-
Who's going to pay ? >:(
-
Rob a bank?
-
Sell our bodies? :veil:
-
Dream on you
-
Well what then?
-
Whatever it takes
-
Lets all busk !
-
Yes! Need a
-
mouth organ to
-
Play a tune :whist:
-
Need a box
-
To collect money?
-
or stand on?
-
To collect money
-
in a hat
-
Then save it
-
Under the bed ;)
-
Then we can
-
Buy a greenhouse
-
We can grow.....
-
Plants from seed
-
Grapes for wine
-
Start a business
-
Dragons Den perhaps?
-
Yes, get funding
-
The minimum is.....
-
Two bags of.....
-
Money, each containing
-
Fake money and.......
-
The counterfeiting machine
-
or Alan Sugar?
-
'Your Fired ' he........
-
Says Yet again...........
-
To my son
-
Because he was......
-
Oversleeping every day
-
he needs a
-
Loud alarm clock
-
Or a big........
-
kick up the?
-
Wherever it's needed
-
to help others
-
The story begins.....
-
When yesterday, a
-
Gypsy knocked at......
-
my front door
-
You'll never guess
-
told my fortune
-
She said I'm
-
going to buy lace
-
For sexy knickers :o
-
To entice the milkman
-
to give me
-
His Gold Top ;D
-
;D to make my
-
Party dress outfit
-
for special occasion
-
It's a wedding
-
To be held
-
In a rush?
-
rush skirt? chilly ;D
-
The only type ;D
-
above or below-knee?
-
to the floor
-
Picking up dust
-
rush brush skirt ;D
-
make sweeping easy
-
Chim-chiminey chim-chiminey chim-chim-cherie
-
:( covered in soot grrrrrrrrr :'(
-
Run a bath
-
Lots of bubbles
-
Perhaps a candle
-
Very Good Book
-
might go soggy?
-
Knowing my luck
-
No hot water
-
Cold shower then ? ::)
-
Noooo. Baby wipes
-
Swimming pool showers?
-
Might be dirty
-
clean with bleach
-
And scrubbing brush
-
Need some marigolds
-
or winter pansies
-
To brighten the
-
Day, because its........
-
Anniversary of my
-
lawn mower breaking down
-
My trusted friend
-
Tried to repair it
-
did he succeed?
-
he mowed over
-
Next doors tortoise
-
And his foot !
-
serve him right
-
I've never liked him
-
Because he tried
-
On my clothes
-
They didn't fit
-
because he's 6'7"
-
in his heels
-
He likes frilly.....
-
Boxers as well
-
red with lace
-
He's very shy ::)
-
Never been kissed
-
Perhaps he'd like......
-
to practice with..
-
Blow up dolly? :o
-
Got one spare? :)
-
Yes called Lola
-
lola the showgirl?
-
She's wearing feathers
-
He likes blondes
-
with BIG ......... eyes.
-
And magic hands ......
-
that wander to
Hi LM
-
His credit card
-
when he gets
Hi Ellie
-
The urge to
-
rob a bank
-
He's not well
-
He's gone green :beaurk:
-
Got food poisoning
-
from eating at
-
The local pub
-
He didn't wash......
-
The salad properly
-
He's in hospital
-
attatched to a
-
Nurse and shes
-
holding on to
-
whatever she can
-
to steady her
-
Worried he might!!!
-
stop before she
-
Goes for lunch
-
They all stop
-
At twelve thirty
-
time for lunch
Fx
-
But who's paying ?
-
It's all free!
-
They stuff themselves :oops:
-
All the time!
-
Then they waddle
-
back to the
-
Ward and jump........
-
on the beds
-
Here comes Matron !! ::)
-
She looks livid
-
She always does
-
She gets her?
-
Wages every Thursday
-
So she's drunk :pills: :rant: :party:
-
It's quite embarrassing
-
When she takes.......
-
Such a long
-
Time to recover
-
From all the
-
Bottles of vodka
-
That somehow just
-
Slipped down her
-
Throat. But now,
-
She is tee-total
-
Only drinks lucosade
-
So much energy! ::)
-
That's why she
-
cant sit still
-
she dashes around
-
Between two houses
-
Her lover in one!! :-*
-
Dusting the other
-
For her husband
-
He's a sailor!
-
Very well paid
-
so I believe
-
has a girl
-
In every port
-
I like port
-
in my bath
-
With or for?
-
with lemon and
-
A cream cake 🍰
-
Not very healthy :(
-
It's fat free ;)
-
Have two then?
-
One is enough
-
You're a spoilsport. >:(
-
Three please, and.........
-
A very large
-
Vodka and coke
-
With some nice
-
nibbles that i
-
Eat in moderation ::)
-
Perhaps a few
-
Ok. How many?
-
Three packets please
-
Nooooooooooo. 3 packets?
-
Three at least
-
it is triplets
-
Yes!
-
A boy and girl ? ;D
-
No, silly Ellie. :)
-
Ok three girls :cancan:
-
3 teenage girls?
-
Yes hormones raging!! :argue:
-
Maybe not. Boys?
-
all young men
-
like young men ;D
-
and their ego
-
(they) make me laugh
-
when they look
-
In the mirror
-
Whenever they pass
-
Worse than girls
-
And SOOOO untidy :(
-
in their rooms
-
Saves buying carpet
-
which has smelly
-
Anyway, shall we
-
Talk about weddings
-
Oh yes please
-
Three little words
-
Mean so much
-
when you feel
-
a bit low
-
cheers you up
-
have some :tulips2:
-
Let's make plans
-
picnic in the snow
-
I'll bring wine ;)
-
dogs welcome to
-
so put some
-
warmth into toes (by laying on them) ;)
-
Light the fire
-
and snuggle up
-
nice and cosy
-
Open wine & crisps
-
Open fire perhaps?
-
Out of logs. >:(
-
Get the axe
-
How about coal
-
No coal either
-
now we'll have
-
A hot toddy
-
all warm inside
-
Feeling sleepy now
-
I may nap
-
then wake for
Hi LM
-
eyes are heavy
-
need more sleep
-
in comfy bed
-
warm and cosy
-
make me dream
-
About football managers
-
never, never, never ;D
-
They're very rich?
-
rich and womanizers
-
It's a nightmare ! :-[
-
looking after my
-
Transvestite husband because......
-
his heel broke :o
-
Need a cobbler
-
was it the red shoes ?
-
No, yellow ones
-
with sparkles, fur
-
And polka dots
-
sequins, glitter and
-
9" stiletto heels
-
and a sexy
-
glittery above-knee garter
-
Now he's ready
-
with fishnet stockings
-
With a ladder
-
there's another type?
-
of sports car
-
Soft top roof
-
hair blowing in (the) wind
-
Gone greasy now :(
-
Where's the shampoo ;D
-
now shower together?
-
Far too shy :oops: :oops: :neutral:
-
keep cossies on ?
-
won't get clean
-
miss those bits!
-
it won't harm ;D
-
for one day ;)
-
it's happened before 8)
-
years gone by
-
It got messy :drunk:
-
towels blowing outdoors :)
-
hard when dry
-
Pop in dryer?
-
come out fluffy
-
ready to use
-
For another day
-
The day begins........
-
with a stretch
-
and a yawn
-
Touch the toes :hapij:
-
blow your nose
-
<wave> Dyan
blow your nose - wriggly your ears ;D
-
Wash your hands :-\
-
Then go jogging :bunny:
-
In this weather?
-
Yes, in Barbadas :sunny: :sunny: :sunny:
-
Shall I pack?
-
Yes, take plenty?
-
sunscreen and pants
-
books, radio and
-
don't forget the
-
Travel sickness pills
-
help me cope
-
menopause symptoms back :(
-
oh, not again
-
So what now?
-
sun lotion all over
-
Factor 8 ok?
-
Absolutely: who will apply it
-
The lifeguard will :madeyes: :clapping: :wub:
-
Has he offered?
-
Ready and willing.........cor :-*
-
they always are ;D
-
in the beginning 8)
-
Until they see?
-
My spare tyre
-
OH!!! He shouts :rant:
-
Exercise is needed.
-
far too lazy
-
to hula hoop
-
Need tummy tuck :-\
-
Not enough time :o
-
A corset then?
-
won't be able
-
to breathe then
-
A gastric band?
-
Yes ,so lets
-
Eat lots and...
-
Cut down tomorrow
-
feast and famine
-
Jeans are tight :'( :rant:
-
Shrunk in wash?
-
So that's it.....
-
I must accept........
-
That I need
-
A new body ;D
-
Yes! Where from? ???
-
Made in China?
-
Ok, that will do
-
8 arms please!
-
8 arms so????
-
why 8 arms?
-
another meander?
8 arms so that I can pluck the hairs from my chin, upper lip and eyebrows at the same time as holding the tweezers and mirror ....... drinking a cuppa and eating a bun ........
why 8 arms = to assist grooming
-
Lets get plucking.....
I was very careful how I wrote that :rofl:
-
;D
ouch; ouch; ouch
-
Looking good now :)
-
Silky & smooth
-
Some online shopping?
-
Credit card time :cheer:
-
blow the budget
-
Are we bothered? ::)
-
Not at all. ;D
-
Bought a dog ! :scottie:
-
really? what breed?
-
Errm, not sure
-
It's a mixture :o
-
Heinz 57 variety
-
Won't stop barking :(
-
Take him back?
-
And buy what ??
-
Two little kittens.
-
transform me into
-
a serene balanced
-
non meno girl
-
That would be nice. ;D
-
It's possible, surely? ::)
-
if I can
-
Well, I'll try
-
First thing tomorrow
-
Let's not rush
-
take your time
-
so many maltesers ;D
-
Got toothache now :'(
-
Where's that bongela
-
got'a visit dentist
-
ouch, ouch, ouch
-
Open wide please!!
-
Ow that hurts
-
The dentists handsome ;)
-
very good with
his hands and
-
Nice bedside manner ;)
-
tell me more
-
Listen very closely ;) :madeyes: :yes:
-
He is dozing ::)
-
and making a
-
Very peculiar noise ???
-
He's holding his :o
-
?*?*? Ellie, really. :lol:
-
Drill for filling
Littleminnie whatever did you think I meant......tut tut :ange:
-
In the gaps
-
between the teeth
-
All done now. :)
-
I am shocked...... ;)
-
mouth is numb
-
nothing to eat
-
for an hour
-
Dribbling down chin :-[
-
Need a bib
-
like my grandson
-
Might buy one
-
Trip to Poundland
-
How much is this? ;D
-
Could be £1 ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
;D
exactly one pound
-
That's really smart
-
Who'd have thought?
-
thinking hurts my brain ;D
-
Shall we haggle?
-
don't like to
-
But I do
-
would 50p suit?
-
75p suits me
-
75p! No, £2.
-
NO WAY!! Less
-
They're £10 new!
-
Are they silk ? :o
-
No - white cotton ;D
-
But they'll crease
-
Use an iron!
-
what's an iron ;D
-
Who will see?
-
My thoughts exactly ;D
-
Mine stay hidden............. ;D
(Honest)
-
Even in hot weather
-
Yes - especially then ;)
-
Dont wear any...
-
But it's windy ! :gym:
-
Oh, the draft (draught ? )
-
Saves on washing
-
but not modesty ;D
-
Can't have everything :)
-
..But the Freedom!!..... ;D ;)
-
But what if ???? :o
-
I lose control ;D
-
You'll be fine
-
It's happened before.......
-
That's 2 years ago
-
Speak for yourself ;D
-
Blame the dog ;D
-
That always helps
-
help is welcome
-
Maltesers always help ;)
-
and a small wine
-
Lets go shopping
-
Ooo yes,let's
-
Any particular shops?
-
A sweet shop :-*
-
But I'm dieting
-
Not on Sundays ;)
-
Outside Coffee sunshine.....ahhhh. :D :)
-
birds singing outside aaahh
-
too cold here :'( :'(
-
I'm feeling warmer.....(flush?) ::)
-
Need a fan :hotflash:
-
I've got 3
-
Is that all ;D
-
:) 3 electric ones
-
still talking fans?
-
Yes, of course
-
Phew: I thought :o
-
You thought what?
-
Don't be coy :o
-
Please tell us
-
Share your story
-
Takes too long ;D
-
We don't mind ;) ;)
-
Once upon a time
-
In the forest !
-
Behind the cabin
-
we ate a picnic ........
-
Got food poisoning
-
not us: healthy
-
Nearby their lived
-
A family of
-
Dartmoor ponies: five
-
Searching for apples...
-
But they hear!!!!
-
the round-up riders
-
' Neighhhhhhhh ' they shout ;D
-
;D
checking ponies before
-
they run away (again)
-
Away from... Tescos! ;D
-
poor little things :'( :'(
-
But wait.......there's.
-
lady with money
-
..... carrots, blankets and
-
Lovely fresh hay....
Wanted to put 'Muffin the Mule'.....anyone remember him?
-
lots of cuddles
I remember Muffin,
I've always wanted to ride a mule ;D ;D
One day.......
-
Offering forever homes...
-
Muffin, muffin the Mule ;D ::)
homes ........ with large paddocks
-
Their jockey is.......
-
kind and gentle
-
hacking out in (the sunshine)
-
No jumping fences :) :) :)
-
back country lanes
-
no cars'n lorries
-
now onto the beach
-
Grab the suncream
-
And a deckchair
-
Also, Choc Ices
-
It's sooo hot!
-
horses swimming now
-
Not good news
-
horses love swimming !
-
In same pool?
-
in the sea
-
Whilst I sunbathe
-
With a cocktail.... ;)
-
Like....pina colada
-
Then we hear!!!!
-
A loud scream
-
It's a Mermaid :yes:
-
swimming with horses.... :o
-
Horses start panicking
-
not for long
-
And then they
-
Gallop towards home...
-
hoping that they
-
Are in time......
-
For The Derby
-
warm mash, hay
-
and to bed.
-
A cockrel crows...
-
What's new today
-
Nooooo, just remembered
-
Out of chocolate... :o :o
-
to the shop?
-
Can't get there
-
Must try harder
-
Can't try harder
-
Get it delivered!!.... ;D
-
I have some ........
-
Post it to me?
-
Postman delivered it.........(wearing his shorts) ;D ;)
-
Ohhhhhhhhhh I say!
-
Spring has sprung :o
-
Very nice legs ::)
-
And tight buttocks! :P
-
And he's 36 ::)
-
Age, IQ or ?
-
Oooh er Missus!!... ;D
-
Wait a minute
-
The doorbell rings........
-
His wife's here :o
-
Jeez, quick run!!!
-
out the back
-
She looks angry :steamed:
-
Don't panic, I'll
-
hide in here
-
inside the wardrobe
-
It's stuffed with money :o
-
And lots of.......................
-
D.I.Y Tools n Leather.... :o :o
-
No No No
-
Help I can't
-
Fit into anything? :o
-
Especially the leather.......?.. :o
-
oh no secrets ;D
-
What's she doing?.. :o
-
Putting on Spanx ;D
-
:o what a struggle :rofl:
-
Phew! They're on
-
Ready for anything!... ;)
-
I forgot to ::) ::) :o
-
Have a wee
-
Happens every time
-
dash to loo
-
Need help because......
-
Spanxs are stuck
-
Call emergency services ...... :'(
-
Ambulance or Fire Brigade?
-
Fireman with his......
-
Rather large cutters
-
better also call
-
Dyno rod blockage specialists?... ;D
-
Can't do that
-
No Mobile signal!
-
Smoke signals then
-
or pigeon post?
-
Maybe the landline.
-
Phone a friend?.... ::)
-
Haven't got one :'(
-
You've got us :-\
-
Where are you? :P
-
Broomsticks at 10 o'clock.... ;D
-
Mwah ha ha cackle ;D
-
DIVE , DIVE , DIVE !!... ;D ;)
-
Here come reinforcements!!... ;D
-
The Chippendales :-*
-
Who forgot their.....
-
sun tan lotion
-
Not having mine.
-
They'll burn their :-X
-
Don't care because
-
Its a secret
-
Not for long :) ;)
-
Don't tell please! :-*
-
Yes going to
-
Tell everybody. Really
-
I am, because
-
Chippendales are ....... retired :o
-
Clapped out . Tired.... :o
-
I saw Chippendales (eeuch!)
-
tables, chairs, wooden ???
-
stiff asa stump !
-
;D
dead as a doornail
-
Knock on wood! ::)
-
Stitch in time
-
should save nine :)
-
Nine lucky lives... ;)
-
cats have nine?
-
The cat said...... :cat88:
-
Got any tuna?
-
Needs to too
-
Settle for salmon??... ::)
-
Yes that's fine.
-
Nice new potatoes
-
with fresh mint
-
And salted butter
-
Sorry no salt.... :-X
-
yummy: next - peas?
-
Baby carrots too?
-
holds out plate ;)
-
I want asparagus
-
Want bigger plate!... ;D
-
Only got saucers
-
Good portion control :-)
-
Can have seconds :)
-
Sorry, no seconds
-
Why ever not?
-
Got to share
-
Because I said! ;) ;D
-
Sorry, I forgot
-
to catch the
-
fresh wild salmon
-
lost my rod
-
In the river
-
OK, Ordered takeaway...... ;D
-
And a bottle
-
Of perfume because
-
Fishing is whiffy.. ::)
-
'Wow' said the.....
-
chip man - big
-
Piece of cod
-
steamed or fried?
-
Fried is better!
-
Hand-cut chips..... ;)
-
in the paper
-
Salt and vinegar???
-
oh yes please
-
hands over plate
-
Why thankyou muchly :)
-
Very full now :-X
-
No mushy peas?..... :o
-
No they're horrid :P
-
No more food :beaurk:
-
I feel ill :(
-
Have a sleep?
-
Got any gaviscon?
-
Cat ate it!!! >:(
-
Eight lives left!! ::)
-
It cured his
-
indigestion and hairballs.... ;D
-
Now he's constipated >:(
-
A laxative then?
-
ooooooops watch out!!!!! :o
-
Got any nappies?
-
Oooh! furry skid marks...yueech... :-\
-
;D ........ litter box pongs :o
-
bin liner please
-
All clean now
-
Till next time...............
-
Oh never again
-
I'm going to
-
consult my optician
-
Because his friend
-
couldn't see me ;D
-
make a spectacle!!!!... ;D
-
Of yourself now!
-
oh how embarrasing
-
hides behind tree!!!
-
no leaves yet ;D
-
because its winter
-
It's almost Summer!
-
We see you!!... ::)
-
Boo! skip away .....
-
...climbs the tree.... ;)
-
Any leaves yet?
-
Lots of buds... :-\
-
ready to bloom
-
burst of colour
-
Make a Nest... ::)
-
lay an egg!!! ;D
-
pipping: then hatch :o
-
"Feed Feed me!!" ::)
-
hold your horses :)
-
don't have horses ???
-
You need some
-
Big "Heavy Horses"?...... 8)
-
pulling milk cart
-
big hairy hoofs
-
Friendly nodding heads... :)
-
On parcel shelf
-
oats, bran and sacks
-
Of £50 notes :o
-
oh yes please ;D
-
That would buy
-
a Porta-potty
-
and luxury tissue
-
not pink though :o
-
White or green
-
green for camping
-
It's camouflaged then
-
The toilet paper?
-
hopefully: only the paper
-
Can't see you?.. :o
-
I'm not there. :-\
-
Where is you??... ???
-
I've gone home
-
To see if
-
my new boiler
-
has stopped sulking.....
-
Yes it has!
-
Nice hot water :)
-
Might have a bath
-
Soothing soapy soak.... 8)
-
Glass of cava
-
Bar of galaxy
-
And a quick
-
Orgasm with fruit???... :o
-
Don't like fruit ::)
-
Shall we go?
-
Yes. Where to?
-
How about Paris ?
-
Been there. Lisbon?
-
Not for me
-
How about camping ☔
-
Don't fancy that
-
Dyan you choose :-\
-
;D can't decide today :-\
(Meno brain out of it) >:(
-
How about Miami?
-
That sounds nice
Hi LM
-
Lets get packing
-
How many bikini's? Hi Dyan
-
nope: means flying :-X
-
We can sail?
-
YES a cruise :) :)
-
nope: can't swim :D
-
Nor can i
-
We'll be cruising. (not swimming)
-
You can float... ::)
-
We set sail.........
-
off into a sunset.
-
Feeling romantic .....but >:(
-
left cossie behind ::)
-
let's bare all ;)
-
Are you sure?
-
A midnight dip?
-
Might be cold
-
run: jump: in (the nuddy :o )
-
OOPS frozen assets.... ;D
-
The Captains seen :o
-
Is he blushing
-
No!!!! Joining in ;D ;D ;D
-
Caution to the winds... :clapping: :bounce:
-
There's something in
-
The captains pocket >:(
-
It's my purse!
-
A magic purse.. ;D
-
He's a thief!
-
Walk the plank >:( :(
-
But he's driving :-\
-
I'll drive, I'll ..........
-
Get there before
<wave> CLKD
-
The pirates board
-
And steal our
-
money and virtue
:ange: :love:
-
Our virtue, again?
-
But too late
-
<wave Dyan>
but too late - the tide turned ;D
-
So we're now
-
Stuck on reef >:(
-
Need a lifeboat
-
Look! Amazing fish..🐠🐟🐡
-
Grab the camera
-
tummy in, smile ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
Can't do both!
-
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
big smile then
-
:o what a sight ;D :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
-
Shall I diet?
-
or have surgery?
-
DIET,!!!? On a cruise 8) :o ;D
-
yes seefood diet ;D
-
;D
Look,see,eat
-
Sit, back, relax...
-
And enjoy the
-
all inclusive service...
-
folded linen napkins
-
With a red
-
wine glass mat
-
It looks ..tacky
-
Take it back
-
We see land :hapij:
-
Where are we?
-
Looks like Ireland :-\
-
North or South?
-
South for me
-
Maybe a guinness?
-
Guinness , gammon, colcannon...
-
Then some dancing
-
Forget my shoes :o
-
I've got spares
-
Dance in barefeet..
-
What! My feet
-
hate bare feet :(
-
How about socks?
-
Clog dancing anyone??
-
Yes then later.....
-
A cheeky sauna
-
With no clothes?!!!!!
-
Maybe a towel. Hi Dyan
-
:o a mixed sauna ::) :oops:
-
Nooooooo. Well, maybe. ::)
-
If he's there
Hi LM
-
I might ask
-
come to sauna
with me ;) ;)
-
And his wife?
-
Menage a Trois?.... :o
-
Oh no, because
-
we're not french ;D
-
We wouldn't understand
-
language of love ;)
-
one is enough ;D
-
Queue here please...
-
For an experience ::)
-
Of a lifetime!
-
Hold on tight :parti:
-
To the person
-
To your left...
-
to your right
-
Wave to crowds!
-
Royal wave or?
-
just a salute
-
Wave a flag
-
not knickers then :o
-
Sing a song..
-
Kiss your neighbour
-
Oh,it's him!
-
OH! do tell ;D
-
Tall, dark ,handsome?
-
No small and......
-
fat with yellow
-
Feathers sticking from......
-
his long tail ;D
-
Where's he gone?...
-
Round there somewhere
-
Don't like him.
-
Shush: he's sleeping
-
Quickly everyone escape!!...
-
PHEW - gone now ;)
-
Door bell rings 🔔
-
My parcel: at last!
-
In brown paper ;) :)
-
What is it?
-
live meal worms ;D (sorry but that was my last parcel - for the birds ;) )
-
To bake in
-
A pie for......
-
blackbird, robin and sparrows
-
24 of each
-
..more parcels coming!
-
Lots of lovely
-
fluffy pink slippers
-
+black forest gateau!.. :-[ (I want cake!)
-
And thorntons chocolates
-
Right now lets........
-
Share everything properly.... ???
-
And eat slowly
-
To savour what
-
Is in the
-
Black Magic box :P
-
chocolate covered mealyworms????
-
Noooo, just chocolate
-
With creamy filling
-
Hate cream fillings :D
-
Love strawberry creams
-
Coffee creams please
-
Don't like those
-
They make me
-
Very very flatulent!!... :o
-
So I bin them
-
Dropped on floor !!!! :(
-
Knock at the door...?
-
It's her again >:(
-
Mother in law...... >:(
-
I wish she
-
Go travelling..alot.
-
Australia may be? ;D
-
Yes, that'll do ;D
-
Lovely woman, Bon Voyage!!....
-
Right, what's next?
-
Lets go shopping
-
Ok. Clothes shopping?
-
Ooooh! Shoes, Shoes!! .... ;D
-
Need some jeans
-
And sexy undies ::)
-
Oh I say... ;D :o
-
Said Dot Cotton
-
A good corset ::)
-
Would help to
-
Not that old!
-
For things that
-
Pull me in
-
Make me shapely..
-
Already shapely ::)
-
Stops bits wobbling ... ::)
-
rather be comfy
-
A couch potato
-
That likes to
-
wield the remote
-
Oooh the Power!! :o
-
DH is sulking >:(
-
Again. Well maybe
-
I can watch
-
what i like :)
-
Makes a change ;D
-
Now, TV Guide
-
nothing ever on ..
-
Watch a DVD??
-
Turn off and :-*
-
Look for that
-
List of jobs
-
gotta be done ..
-
Gutter needs repairing
-
Chimney needs repointing
-
need the ladders
-
Where are they?
-
you had them
-
On the roof >:( :o
-
Need more ladders
-
off to shops
-
purse in hand
-
spend more money ..
-
Forget the ladder ;) ;D
-
New clothes then?
-
Yeah! and lots
-
and new shoes :D
-
Lingerie perhaps for
-
Next Saturday night
-
Guess who's coming ? :o
-
do tell us ??
-
Well!!!! He's got........ ;)
-
a big suitcase
-
Suitcase? ::) please tell
-
Listen very closely :yes: ::)
-
He's very famous
-
and good looking
-
Pots of money
-
But a secret :( :(
-
a secret what ??
-
Hideaway home that
-
Is full of :o
-
lovely expensive chocoates
-
an endless supply of..
-
make you sick
-
He also has........
-
A locked room ....
-
whats he hiding
-
diamonds: please, please .....
-
Yes but will.......
-
he share with us
-
Well, that depends
-
if we're good
-
Well I am! :o
-
Platinum rings please
-
with diamonds in
-
nice presentation box
-
With matching earrings?
-
maybe a bracelet
-
Surely not handcuffs :rofl:
-
pink fluffy ones :o
-
Oooh I say ...
-
Go for it!
-
Shall I? Ok
-
Well done,now
-
Let's spend his
-
Money on lots
Hi LM
-
Of new clothes. Hi Dyan
-
Very expensive ones?
-
Obviously, he's loaded
-
Filthy rich yes? :o
-
money, money, yachts?
-
holidays in sun :)
-
24hr Room Service????
-
A butler with......
-
A small notebook
-
take my orders :D
-
' Run my bath'.........
-
put clothes ready
-
Chauffeur me to
-
The airport because. Hi Dyan
-
fancy a change
-
I'm going sightseeing
-
open topped carriage?
-
No, a limo
-
A pink one
-
With champagne :)
-
Flowers and chocs ...
-
Music.........but what??
-
Rods (Stewart) new album?
-
Micheal Buble..or bubbly?
-
Hmmm, I'm thinking ;D
-
oooh rod yea
-
Noooo, too old
-
ok who then
-
We talking music?
-
What/whoever you fancy
-
Night out with?
-
Well, I like
-
that guy from
-
Britian's got talent ;)
-
Simon Cowell?
-
Yes,because he........
-
Is not what
-
You think, he's
-
A secret agent :o
-
spying on us ????
-
Yes for MI5. (shhh)
-
he'll tell all
-
Next week when
-
he gets here
-
Till then ...what??
-
we hide everything
-
What even our!!! ::)
-
Laptop and camera?
-
yes absolutely everything
-
Just in case.....
-
you never know
-
If the neighbours
-
Are spy's too >:(
-
I think they are
-
They're always whispering :(
-
KGB you think
-
i think so
-
They look normal
-
to fool us
-
Have to be careful
-
eyes wide open
-
Mouth shut tight
-
can hardly breath
-
Through your nose ...
-
all blocked up
-
Full of cold
-
Hankies?..for a good blow.
-
Man size tissues
-
Aaaaa tisssssss oooooooo ;D
-
ahh bless you
-
I've been slimed!! :o
-
green and sticky
-
:beaurk: I feel sick
-
At the sight
-
my fat legs
-
Covered in cellulite
-
my big bum
-
Wobbly bits around
-
Beautiful Ladies..Rubenesque!! 8)
-
big and bold :)
-
So shall we .....
-
find the sun :)
-
flights all booked
-
Forgot to pack
-
hurry up then
-
Buy essentials there.... 8)
-
cheaper over there
-
Delayed at airport :(
-
Hail storms and
-
Thunder & lightning
-
We'll be sleeping
-
In a tent.....
-
Need rubber mats :o
-
For night sweats
-
blankets freezing cold
-
A camp fire?
-
a sing song
-
Bangers and mash?
-
and baked beans
-
Windy night ahead ;D :D ;D
-
let it out ;D
-
Down wind please ... :sick02:
-
Get out everybody!!!
-
going to explode
-
Help is coming :valkyrie: :clapping:
-
The fire brigade?
-
Sex on legs ::)
-
Are you staring? :o
-
Me? Yes but
-
at the sky
-
Where I see
-
sun, fluffy clouds
-
And a UFO. ???
-
ET phone home
-
The craft landed :o
-
whos on it
-
It's Simon Cowel ; ;
-
with an alien ?
-
Yes! Louis Walsh
-
oh god no
-
Yes, and Sinetta ;D
-
just wearing leaves ;D
-
Wind getting up ;D ;D ;D
-
get her clothes ;D
-
Where are her??
-
louie wearing them ;D
-
Get a towel
-
Hide her big ?
-
bazzukas and bum :lol:
-
Get 2 towels
-
She's singing now :-* 👎
-
That's because she
-
is meeting Bobbles
-
And he has
-
lots and lots ...
-
Of money......so
-
can treat her...
-
To a boob job?
-
or bum lift ;D
-
New wardrobe and
-
Sex change, because
-
sick of meno ;D
-
The night sweats :hotflash: >:(
-
Aches & pains :crutch: >:(
-
total brain fog
-
Hair getting thinner >:(
-
boobs going south ;D ;D
-
Need a crane?
-
A plastic surgeon :o
-
way to expensive :(
-
Borrow the money?
-
yea why not ;D ;D ;D
-
5k be enough?
-
10 be better :)
-
is that enough ;D ;D
-
Yeah, that's plenty
-
Now she needs.......
-
An injection because
-
Everything's gone wrong
-
skin so bad :(
-
It's covered in
-
Very strange scary
-
Large blue spots :-\
-
It's due to
-
Eating blueberries and
-
Just not enough
-
makeup to cover
-
the big mark
-
It upsets her :'( :'(
-
What now then?
-
bag over head ;D
-
A Harrods bag?
-
Yes she's posh :)
-
Better than Aldi ;D
-
She's shouting.....' HELP'!
-
What's wrong now? :(
-
Could be anything...........
-
Knickers fell down :hapij: :oops: :oops:
-
Oh - not again... :vibe:
-
She's so Embarrising. :(
-
Happens every time
-
Especially when she
-
trips over her slippers
-
coffee went everywhere
-
Even the iPad :'(
-
quick dry it
-
Too late, it broken. :'(
-
need a new one
-
Need some money
-
from where though :-\
-
How about doing
-
A sponsored run?
-
Can't run though
-
Sell your body?
-
On the streets?
-
No - too cold
-
In the cinema?
-
at my age ;D ;D
-
Go in disguise
-
The back row ;D
-
Wouldn't be cold ;)
-
with hot flushes ;D ;D ;D
-
No jacket required
-
Ladies: now, now ;D
-
dont be naughty ;)
-
You're such spoilsports >:(
-
ok carry on ::)
-
with washing, ironing ..........
-
All exciting stuff!
-
isnt life exciting ;)
-
Yes we've won .........
-
a long holiday :)
-
First stop Japan !
-
then New Zealand :-*
-
What about jet lag ???
-
Depends on direction
-
direction of what ?
-
One Direction? :)
-
towards the sun ;D
-
East or west
-
Matters with jetlag
-
sleep in sun
-
We have arrived :sunny:✈
-
oooo its lovely
-
Where are we?
-
i dont know :-\
-
Wow! There's a..........
-
nudist couple there ... :-[
-
Waving a flag 🇬🇧
-
waving to us :-\
-
what with exactly?
-
A yellow flag ;D (not Brighton Beach by chance?)
-
red flag danger ???
-
Sharks could bite?
-
clothes, quick then ;D ;D
-
thick warm towel
-
cover bits up :D
-
cover bits up = my hairy legs ;D
-
get the razor ;D ;D
-
no time; busy ::)
-
socks on then ?
-
yep: thick, warm ......
-
will hide everything ;D ;D
-
that's the Plan ;D
-
Well that'll work...............
-
quietly, keep to myself
-
not a word :-X
-
The police arrive :-\
-
I called them
-
called them what ?
-
the boys in blue?
-
Rang them, because
-
They'll bring handcuffs ;D :whist: :veil:
-
I'm embarrassed now.
-
Oh, surely not?
-
just a little :-[
-
handcuffs: oh joy ;D
-
Not me......cor ! :hapij: :clapping:
-
cor - that's a real ol' Naarfolk expression ;D
to hang feeders on ::)
-
like cor blimey ;D
-
good isn't it...
-
i just love it ..
-
just beyond words
-
hush then; hush
-
gotta tell everyone ..
-
that'll spoil it
-
all ears: tell ?
-
can't it's too....
-
personal: supper time?
-
That's it exactly
-
well not quite ...
-
Oh Good Grief! :o
-
now what then
-
Have a picnic?
-
Can't, got hayfever
-
Indoor one then?
Hi LM
-
yes its raining :(
-
Cats and dogs
-
Crufts and Olympia
-
Pedigree or mutts
-
doesnt really matter
-
Don't like any ;D
-
aww love dogs :)
-
small fluffy one's
-
big dozy ones :)
-
Dog warden approaching :'(
-
Noooo, distract him
-
' WARDEN help me'..........
-
'Ive been mugged'
-
He's taken my .... :hotflash:
-
my best umbrella ....
-
Paid £50 from
-
Oxfam charity shop
-
Oxfam? Gold then ..........
-
No, it's designer
-
with corks on?
-
like an aussie hat ;D ;D
-
Yes be useful.............
-
stop the flies ;D
-
And keep the
-
midges away: butterflies?
-
No,like them
-
butterfly house: humid :steamed:
-
hot hot hot ...
-
iced lolly required :-*
-
Fancy a magnum?
-
Ohh yes please!
-
White or dark?
-
white one please :)
-
Dark one please
-
dark please: tissue :o
-
To wipe my
-
chocolate covered chin ;D
-
and my hands
-
New day begins :sunny: :sunny: :sunny:
-
Feeling yuk though
-
lovely and sunny
-
suncream smells great
-
ice cream lovely
-
Got a tan!
-
looking soo good 8)
-
What now then?
-
Night out with
-
A famous celebrity. Hi Dyan
-
Ooh yes! Who?
Hi LM
-
Erm, don't know
-
Someone who is
-
funny and kind
-
Considerate and warm
-
Nope, can't think. ;D
-
Lets just imagine
-
Gosh!! He's tall :-*
-
How old is he?
-
He looks about
-
30, but he's
-
50.He must
Nothing on the box tonight LM
OH watching Bond movie- boring!
-
Have Botox and
-
Wears a wig
-
I wish he
-
Would get a.......
-
New wardrobe though
-
To look like
-
Somebody smart like
-
Russell Watson or
-
An airline pilot :-*
-
A rich airline pilot?
-
That likes to :o
-
Spend his money!
-
all on me ;D
-
soft pink slippers
-
fluffy bath robe
-
A water bed :o :-* ;)
-
Bottle of champers
-
Dim the lights :bed:
-
i am shy :-[
-
No you're not!
-
really i am
-
Lights off then :madeyes:
-
You're very eager
-
To get started
-
That's because I........
-
need to sleep
-
Because tomorrow I'm
-
Entering a convent ::)
-
;D. Been there before
-
Must mind my
-
Manners because I
-
Am feeling windy ::) :o
-
Oh not again.
-
hold your nose ;D ;D
-
single room required ;D
-
with drinks fridge ;D
-
deep long bath
-
No, no time
-
plenty of time ;)
-
need to relax
-
Because tomorrow I......
-
i'm going crazy ;D ;D
-
to much sunshine
-
or maybe its
-
The curse of.......
-
the damn meno ...
-
Making me want
-
To be naughty :na: :wub: :oops:
-
or have tantrum
-
Kicking and screaming?
-
on the floor ..
-
The floor's dirty
-
I now have
-
clean it up
-
Where's the butler ?
-
He's on strike
-
Get the dishy
-
Gardener to help
-
Bill or Ben ?? ;D
-
the flowerpot men ;D (memories)
-
Are teasing weeeeeeed!!! ;D
-
Weeeeeeed is upset :'(
-
don't be cruel ..
-
Give her a
-
a big cuddle
-
And a biscuit
-
A custard cream?
-
No, a cookie.
-
a jammy dodger ;D
-
and a chocolate
-
ice-cream: messy
<wave Dyan>
-
with nuts on ..
-
And toffee sauce
-
Spilt it all :'(
-
On my expensive
-
brand new top >:(
-
Cost me £200
-
ruined it now ..
-
Matched my trousers :'(
-
Lets move on :)
-
no good crying
-
Over spilt milk :cat48:
-
Need a project
-
keep me occupied ...
-
Keep out of trouble ::)
-
Any ideas then?
-
learn to fly...
-
Maybe, how much?
-
Arm and leg ? ;D
-
too much then :(
-
So now what?
-
keep feet on the ground ;D
-
Play hop scotch? ( memories )
-
let's do it ..
-
First we need.........
-
Some energy :-\
-
Where do we......
-
go now then :-\
-
Somewhere cool because......
-
I'm absolutely sweltering
-
Need a fan???
-
Not powerful enough :'(
-
A skinny dip ? ;)
-
Now you're talking ;D
-
Quick before the.........
-
the police come :o
-
They won't because
-
they doing it ;D ;D
-
I've just seen :rofl: :bouncing: :wub:
-
Three naked bodies ::)
-
male or female ?
-
Male. They are
-
all dangly bits ;D ;D
-
Cover them up 8) 8) ::)
-
yes please do
-
Making me feel :madeyes: :sick02:
-
swinging all around ;D ;D
-
Making me dizzy
-
sit down quick
-
Glass of water
-
cool wet sponge
-
And a brandy :)
-
a little ice :-\
-
And some peanuts
-
a few crisps :-\
-
And a Partridge...... :whist: :whist:🎶🎶
-
in a pear ...
-
tree.On the.........
-
26th July my.........
-
baby is due
-
Was it planned? ;D ;D
-
oh dear no :o
-
You should have :safe:
-
heat of moment :'(
-
Already have 6
-
What's one more :)
-
Youngest is 19!
-
How will I
-
feed them all
-
with love and
-
Heinz baked beans ;D
-
and buttered toast
-
muffins with butter
-
Bread and Pullett
-
Family Hold Back ;D
-
steady on there ( what is pullett )
-
No money left. (no idea what pullet is)
-
what now then :-\
-
A bank loan?
-
can we repay :-\
-
Have to sell.........
-
My new car :'(
-
NOT the convertable? !!!!! :'( :'( 8)
-
Yes, the Porsche. :'(
-
can't bear it :'(
-
I won it
-
At the fair
-
on the dartboard
-
It's worth £80,000
-
Now worth £500 :o
-
Noooo. Why?
-
You dented it :( :-X :diablo:
-
when you drove
-
On the roof :(
-
Mind that Fiddler ;)
:-\ ???
-
So now what :-\ :-\
-
Get it repaired?
-
Find nice mechanic :madeyes: :gym: :love:
-
who comes cheap
-
cheap as chips :)
-
Found one. He
-
Asked me if ????
-
I'd like to
-
buy a camper ;D
-
Anyone got one :rofl: :hapij: :lol: ?
-
I have: Hyundai ;)
-
Can we borrow
-
For our holiday? ;)
-
Going to Italy
-
Ok, who's driving?
-
Shall we share it?
-
Me first please?
-
Ok. How far is it?
-
3 days to Milan ;)
-
Who's coming along?
-
Well that depends
-
if there's room
-
Because we need.....
-
lots of stuff
-
Mmmm, hunky Italians ;)
-
2 berth only ;D
-
Nooooo, trade it in ;D
-
Can't do that :'(
-
won't do that >:(
-
Attach an awning?
-
a massive one
-
With bedroom extensions
-
All aboard then :cancan: :clapping: :sunny: :sunny: :sunny:
-
plenty of food
-
Shop at Duty Free?
-
Yes we need......
-
good exchange rate
-
Got a credit card?
-
cash; to haggle with ;)
-
Take both then?
-
spend the lot
-
not at once :o (we'll need to eat ;) )
-
We'll budget daily
-
We need petrol.....
-
Already filled up.
-
Wait until it's cooler
-
Noooo, got air-con
-
arrived in Milan ;D
-
Milan = shopping!
-
I need a leather...........
-
2" wide belt
-
And 3 handbags
-
matching handbags and .....
-
beautiful leather shoes
-
flats not heels ;D
-
Because we are......
-
Tall enough already
-
Shall we explore?
-
Yes, let's go
-
Fancy a pizza 🍕?
-
Yes! And a Peroni?
-
Breakfast: ice cream?
-
Pasta for lunch
-
Sleep all afternoon
-
party at night
-
Remember our HRT ;D :cancan: :hapij: :banana: :hotflash:
-
rhymes with partee (hee hee!)
-
;D : a good laugh
-
does us good ;D ;D
-
Keep legs crossed :oops: :oops:
-
no clean pants ;D ;D
-
Oops ! Too late.... :'(
-
go without now ;D
-
Wash in the stream
-
Ohh feels chilly :madeyes: :madeyes:
-
freshen you up ;)
-
Pass the soap
-
i dropped it
-
Oh Kerrieann where?
-
can't find it :o
-
rinse, shake, dry
-
Not washed yet!
-
got no soap
-
Someone is peeping >:( >:(
-
Who is it?
-
gotta mask on :o
-
The Lone Ranger :-* ;D
-
Tonto's with him.....
-
Invite them in?
-
Silver and ........ (can't remember the name of Tonto's horse: anyone? )
-
Silver trotted in.....🐴
-
With a limp
-
Need a Boy Scout ;D (not an Indian Scout ;-)
-
or Girl Guide.....
-
Badges to be earned
-
Not very exciting :(
-
what's not exciting?
-
watching paint dry ;D ;D
-
Silvers done a....... :o ::)
-
Runner, never mind
-
go catch him
-
fetch him back
-
Can't, he's gone.
-
get another one
-
Where from? Tesco?
-
they sell everything ;D ;D
-
Buy one get........
-
A free bike.
-
an exercise bike
-
To get us
-
all fit again..
-
:rofl: You are funny!
-
was only joking :rofl:
-
So was I. :rofl:
-
you gotta laugh ;D
-
Or we'd cry
-
Blame the change :hotflash:
-
causes so much
-
pain and distress
-
Back to camper van......
-
Italian Lakes then :-*
-
' just one Cornetto' :whist: :whist:
-
How about Venice
-
;D : 3 coins in the fountain - whoops wrong part of Italy :-X
;D : lovely scenery
-
Venice - bit stinky!
-
Only in July/August
-
it's august now
-
soon be C.mas :o
-
no, no, noooo
-
Been to Venice
-
Just one Cornetto .....
-
only the one :'(
-
Yes, we're economising
-
we have to ?
-
Yes, because we
-
are skint again ..
-
It's your fault
-
no one's fault (this is cyber space ;) )
-
Yes it is
-
oh no it isn't (whoops, that's C.mas ;) )
-
He's behind you !!!
-
Who? Me? No!!!
-
No not you ..
-
oh no: them :o
-
Who always look
-
see who's there
-
It's a strippergram :o :o :jiggy: :parti:
-
Where's the oil :o
-
in chip pan ;D
-
He's all slippery :rofl: :rofl: :madeyes:
-
like an eel
-
slip and slide
-
Wriggling around,when
-
The phone rings
-
It's him again!
-
Rings every hour
-
All he says
Hi LM
-
drip, drip, drip
-
are you ready.......
-
Don't know him
-
I thinks he's
-
The brother of Hi Dyan
-
duke of cambridge
-
So it's Harry?
-
Yes, but shhhh
-
don't tell anyone :o
-
please: no secrets :-\
-
can't tell everyone ::)
-
Not even me?
-
your ok yes
-
But nobody else
-
no just us
-
We're good girls ;)
-
So what's next?
-
Lets take photos
-
Plenty of them
-
keep our memories
-
we mustn't forget
-
The night we :-* :oops: :yes:
-
All got drunk
-
It happened then !!!
-
You were so drunk
-
can't remember anything :o
-
Although hang on
-
never been drunk
-
On a wednesday
-
how about Saturday :-\
-
not going to ........ >:(
-
Well we are
-
So there,then
-
You'll be sorry
-
no hangover then :)
-
No,because i
-
don't over indulge
-
So now lets.......
-
make a fryup
-
not in the camper :o
-
on a bbq :-\
-
keeps the smell out !
-
Hot dog please :)
-
onions and ketchup ?
-
Need some mustard.
-
what about frys
-
As well. But,
-
they are fattening :(
-
Having Salad then?
-
lettuce, tomatoes, peppers
-
peppers ? me ? indigestion :(
-
Rennies: burp: pardon
-
I can feel
-
A headache coming
-
Not tonight then ::)
-
better tomorrow: swimming?
-
No,can't swim :-\
-
could you learn :-\
-
The lifeguards sexy :-*
-
I can learn :)
-
were's my bikini ;D
-
and water wings
-
WOWEEE it's cold.. :'(
-
lifeguard does massage ;D
-
Does he charge?
-
He pays you ;D ;D ;D
-
Really? How much?
-
oil and warm hands
-
:hotflash: :madeyes: ohhhh it's heaven
-
warm, lazy, enjoyable
-
All excited now.
-
Because tomorrow I'm
-
Entering Miss World :-*
-
Oh not again.
-
Must buy a
-
New bikini because
-
My boobs have :boobs:
-
firmed up: colour?
-
Yellow poker dot? ;)
-
Clashes with my hair
-
use a dye?
-
dye it pink
-
with purple streaks
-
I like purple
<wave> CLKD
-
Hairs fallen out :'( :'( :'(
-
Buy a wig....
-
Where from though?
-
a wig shop
-
Never seen one :-\
-
<wave Dyan>
(there is plenty of choice for those who have had chemotherapy ;) )
wig: long or short?
-
Short I think
-
spiky pixie cut
-
Or 1970s midi?
-
or an afro
-
Afro comb then ( remember them? Do they still make them?)
-
tangle teezer (still got afro comb, waist length hair which tangles)
-
;D
prefer spikey: colour?
-
Which ever is
-
The cheapest because........
-
I'm skint again :(
-
You've spent the £5000?
-
on spikey: purple :o
-
better look good ::)
-
oh: it does ;)
-
thats ok then :)
-
matches my bath-robe ;D
-
purple soft fluffy ?
-
I look stunning ::)
-
good for you ;)
-
Enter beauty contest?
-
win some cash
-
For my implants?
-
you need them ?
-
Mine are done!
-
Oh, facelift then?
-
No: dental implants ;D
-
a new back :-\
-
A new knee
-
1 new foot ;D
-
;D a new brain :-\
-
Here comes Matron........
-
oh no run ;D
-
:scottie: where to?
-
not the sluice :o
-
Under the bed!
-
is it dusty
-
No but there's ........
-
a big puddle
-
:sick02: : oh, it's
-
The dogs wee
-
That dirty dog >:( :scottie:
-
When I find
-
a mop I'll ..
-
Swipe it over
-
The dogs head.
-
Ooooohhh LM - hi ya!
I hope he
-
can run fast ;D
-
No, broken leg
-
who did that
-
My neighbour who
-
Ran him over
-
Call the vet :crutch:
-
oh aren't we a miserable lot :(
it's not broken ;)
-
Just a sprain? :)
-
gentle massage required 8)
-
lots of cuddles :)
-
And tasty treats
-
soon be better
-
Good, so now.......
-
We need to
-
Explore the world.........
-
Let's get a ferry
-
Isle of Wight?
-
I thought Holland? Hiya Dyan
-
Not been there
Hi LM
-
Got the Euro's?
-
OH has some
-
Steal them. Right,
-
Fly, sail or row??
-
Ferry,we thought
-
Got the Quells?
-
' We are Sailing' 'We are Sailing'........ :whist: :whist: :whist:
-
i feel sick :sick02:
-
Eat an apple.....
-
I've had 3
-
Quells or apples?
-
Go in the Chunnel ;)
-
Is it dark? :bounci: :bounci:
-
No, it's got lights
-
Shall we sing??
-
"We're all going...................
-
on a summer ....
-
" no more working...............
-
for a week ..
-
Or two.........Now....
-
Lets have a
-
oh forget the word >:( - the line of dancers going round a room oh
conga: ready, steady
-
Can't, got headache
-
Neck massage then?
-
Are you offering?
-
hands too cold
-
warm them up :)
-
by rubbing on
-
The waiters head ;D
-
He has a
-
candle on a tray
-
Why's that then?
-
got no electric :(
-
We'll feel our
-
way round here
-
there and everywhere ::)
-
The waiter screamed :cuss: :oops: :cuss:
-
so very rude
-
I jumped and
-
hit him on ...
-
The part that
-
he wont forget
-
Especially when he
-
goes to sit ..
-
' I need ice' .......he cried :'( :'( :'(
-
in my whiskey
-
hands over glass
-
There's a fly
-
shush: everyone will want one ;D
-
It's a secret
-
yum: yum .......... :-\
-
Hmm...tastes like....
< wave> here as well ;D
-
;D I see you ........ 8)
nothing at all :o
-
I would prefer
-
vanilla ice cream
-
With toffee sauce
-
With a flake.... :)
-
in a dish
-
Got a spoon?
-
only a knife
-
One slice or
-
two or three
-
full up now ::)
-
sleep it off
-
Where's the bed :o
-
in the cupboard
-
The airing cupboard?
-
under the stairs
-
Too many spiders
-
Making me itch!!
-
need some piriton
-
better now: relaxing
-
Relaxing? No time
-
loads to see
-
people to meet:
-
places to go
-
Where we going?
-
To a concert
-
under cover or:
-
Just as us?
-
You and I
-
Are going to
-
Lets all go !
-
Heaven and back........
-
To see if
-
the magic carpet .......
-
has room for......
-
A little one :)
-
I'm only little!
-
All go together!
-
The queues long !!!! :-\
-
Lets play I-spy
-
with my little ......
-
Eye,somthing beginning........
-
Don't like I-spy.
-
Neither do I ::)
-
Charades then?.......No?
-
Once upon a time........
-
it was a dark and stormy night and the Skipper said to his Mate
"Tell us a story"
"It was a dark and stormy night and the Mate said to the Skipper ........ tell us a story ....... " ::)
it was quiet .......
-
Until a large
-
Whale bumped into......
-
Our rowing boat :-\
-
Turned it over ? :o
-
And ate it ;D
-
So we swam
-
.. right over the dam
-
And ended up
-
(with) 3 little fishes
-
And some chips :)
-
salt, vinegar, paper ...
-
and a can
-
of Tizer: fizzy :o
-
rather Irn Bru
-
it that still made?
-
Oh no!!!! There's...........
-
that woman again >:(
-
Gone now: running ;D
-
She has stolen............
-
My phone and
-
my flip flops
-
So now what?
-
feet are cold
-
Let's go shoplifting
-
>:( :diablo: police are watching 📷👀
-
shan't ! honest; me ;)
-
Going in disguise
-
Wig blew off :rofl: :rofl:
-
Quick! Catch it.
-
gone off the Pier :o
-
Seagull caught it ;D
-
He's dropped it
-
On the Lighthouse.......
-
Keeper's new hat
-
:cuss: he shouted
-
as he ran
-
For the bus
-
And slid in
-
The compacted snow
-
Landed on bum
-
He ripped his.....
-
jeans, so now
-
We can see.......
-
the big scar
-
right on his
-
upper thigh: ouch!
-
Maybe he needs
-
To watch where.......
-
He puts his
-
Ballet shoes, because........
-
Girlfriend might see
-
Too late!! She.........
-
had her binoculars
-
Out and focused
-
On the one
-
With the spots.........
-
Get the cream
-
Help!!! Who will? :-[ :oops: :oops: :neutral:
-
Not me,you?
-
No, I can't
-
Because I have
-
very cold hands :o
-
They'll make him
-
Worse than ever.
-
Warmed on chestnuts
-
That we'll eat
-
on nippy mornings
-
<wave>
As we huddle
-
Under the duvet :bed:
-
What about crumbs? (in the bed)
-
dog will 'hoover' ;D ;D
<wave>
-
Dogs got fleas :'(
-
Get the zapper :o
-
Washing the bedding
-
dog clean now ;D
-
Now,let's do
-
the Hoovering: Monday ;)
-
Bored now, shopping?
-
new winter clothes?
-
Sexy thermal undies :oops: :banana:
-
You wear undies?
-
Only undies: unless
-
It's too hot !
-
not hot here ::)
-
Breezy though,so
-
leg warmers on ::)
-
It's only September
-
Chilly at night ;)
-
Have a cuddle :bed:
-
No because he
-
has cold feet :o
-
And puts them !!! ::)
-
On my back
-
all night long >:( ;D
-
So I'm buying
-
Some barbed wire ;D
-
And some plasters. :)
-
Plaster of Paris?
-
Plaster of Boots ;D
-
Pantomime time: Puss?
-
Puss in boots
-
Dick Whittington: booooo
-
No it's not!
-
Oh Yes: it ...........
-
Is and guess?.........
-
Who's behind the
-
Mask. Oh no,
-
It's her from
-
The chip shop
-
smelling of vinegar :o
-
And greasy hair
-
And a big
-
bowl of mushy peas
-
Anyway, forget her
-
And imagine you're
-
Going on holiday
-
case packed: camper-van ;)
-
Music blaring out
-
Wine is chilling
-
Off we go
Hi LM
-
Where's the satnav?
-
Tom! Tom! Where?
-
A mystery tour!
-
Need my passport
-
No! Isle of Skye :-*
-
Oh not again.
-
Why not? :-\
-
Go every year
-
You know the roads? ;D
-
Want a change
-
Brighton: antiques, sand ........
-
And trendy bars
-
relaxation, gentle waves .....
-
What about nightlife?
-
NOT for me >:(
-
Game of Bingo?
-
;D no thanks: walking?
-
with a dog
-
And other half
-
along the Prom. 8)
-
Candy floss anyone?? :)
-
Yes! White please
-
Sticky: tissue please ;D
-
Fish and chips???
-
After Candy Floss :sick02:
-
and a toffee-apple?
-
Got indigestion now
-
Get the rennies
-
That's better.......now?
-
Maybe a film?
-
Romance or thriller?
-
Romance: Love Story :'(
-
Get the tissues ::)
-
Better now: walk?
-
In the forest.....
-
To the cabin
-
Roaring log fire
-
Collect some wood
-
warms hands and toes
-
There's a knock !!! :bounci: :o
-
There's nobody there ???
-
Could it be ? :o
-
That escaped convict
-
Yes!! Wearing a ?..........
-
Wormwood Scrubs overall
-
Quick lets hide :o
-
It's Santa Claus .........
-
On the radio
-
No! Terry Wogan.. :)
-
Is he back?
-
Every Sunday morning :-*
-
But it's Wednesday :o
-
Women's hour then?
-
Is it boring?
-
Oh no !!! Listen :whist: :whist: :whist:
-
It's a trap!
-
So we will
-
Get our bikes.........
-
repaired, painted and
-
Ready for our
-
Trip to France
-
Sun, wine, scenery
-
Snails, garlic, Eifel tower..
-
:rofl:
Louvre, brisk walk, bed
-
Disneyland Paris tomorrow.
-
Eurostar or Channel
-
Erm, you choose
-
Eurostar first class :)
-
Let's do it!
-
Tickets booked! Comfy?
-
Glass of Champagne?
-
'HIC' :party: :na: :rofl: more wine !!!
-
Need a coffee?
-
No, more wine :drunklaf: :cancan: :spin:
-
You'll be sick
-
Not in cyberland ;)
-
You'll drink too?
-
Nope: tiramasu girl me
-
We're going winetasting
-
Better sober up......HIC :party: :oops:
-
I wouldn't bother
-
Can't stand up :drunklaf:
-
Booked a taxi >:(
-
To the beach! :-*
-
The lifeguards fit :wub: :oops: :love:
-
Very fit; tall?
-
Got 8 kids ::)
-
Eight different mothers!!! :o
-
He gets around
-
He's been to??
-
too - handy with his :o
-
Affections? Never mind,
-
He's lost his........
-
Front door key
-
Leave him stranded ;)
-
Don't you like him?
-
Prefer my DH ;)
-
He's very rich :clapping:
-
Is he really?
-
Yes he owns!
-
10 racehorses and
-
a large motorhome
-
Which we take
-
When go to
-
Italian Rivera: :sunny:
-
He owns property.....
-
In Las Vegas
-
Too far! Italy .........
-
He said what!!
-
Too far! Italy .......... He said what!! ???
Warm sunshine in Milan
-
And designer labels!
-
Beautiful Cathedral: Last Supper ;) ( which I saw when I was 18 :-* )
-
Pasta dinners with
-
A glass of
-
Cranberry juice for
-
My recurring problem ::)
-
(which is)
eating too quickly >:(
-
My new plan
-
Is to find
-
A new house
-
with large garden
-
For the goats
-
mohair: knitting anyone?
-
Crocheting a blanket
-
For the baby
-
Who will be
-
Induced next week.
-
boy or girl?
-
Girl I think
-
No it's triplets :)
-
One of each?
-
Yes, doctor fainted .....
-
When I trumped :-*
-
So so embarrassed
-
The sprouts I
Hi LM
-
Ate earlier ::). Hi Dyan
-
Blew a hole :hotflash: :rofl:
-
the canvas tent ;D
-
Getting wet now
-
Where's the brolly?
-
Let's go out
-
wellies on: brolley?
-
To the bingo
-
Need to win
-
Large teddy, sweeties ......
-
For my husband
-
silly 'lion' slippers?
-
Nice BIG jackpot :)
-
Want one number!!
-
So do I :o!!!
-
66! I've won
-
Cosy in bed!! ::)
-
66 I've won! = a pot noodle
cosy in bed = new electric blanket
take your pick :-\
-
Yes I'm confused too CLKD ;D
Beef and tomato. (the pot noodle)
-
Lets spend winnings :)
-
Ok. Get dressed
-
Can't find wig >:( :'(
-
headscarf then: silk?
-
Wear you beanie hat
-
No hat, too warm
-
Lets all wear!!!!
-
Our pink tutu's
-
pale pink; crimson ......
-
Knickers and ballet
-
Shoes,then lets........
-
Do swan lake
-
Are you sure?
-
Maybe not,so
Hi LM
-
Go to the cinema? Morning Dyan
-
A Hallowean party :bat: :bat: :bounci: >:D
-
Not in a tutu ;D
-
And werewolf mask
-
And Doc Martins
-
fashionable look? not ;D
-
Enough to scare?............
-
My horrible neighbours
-
Their so loud :valkyrie: :clapping: :argue:
-
And the language
-
It makes you
-
Want to be :sick02:
-
Shall we move?
-
Dances gently away ;)
-
To Hawian music :whist:
-
time for Christmas
-
not yet Suzi :o
-
Fireworks next,then
-
The NY trip
-
To buy clothes
-
For presents and
-
Don't forget the.....
-
The stick of
-
light foundation cream
-
For my spots
-
And the tweezers
-
for your moustache!
-
it can tickle
-
When you put......
-
Your hands on
-
the back of (Hi LM)
-
the guinea pig
-
That doesn't want
-
a raw apple
-
or her HRT
-
response is denied
-
bloody stupid doctor!
-
Talks in code. Hi Christine
-
Bletchley Park Cypher
-
Lost the plot !!! :-\ :-\ :o
-
( so did the Germans once UK cracked the code - at Bletchley Park ;) )
lost the plot = nearly every day ;D
-
I do something
-
to jog memory
-
And remember that
-
sleep heals; if only ::)
-
We can wake
-
Up in time
-
Doctors? Oh my!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:(
-
they are useless!
-
In my experience
-
:sunny: brightens mood :-*
-
So lets sing......
-
Round the campfire
-
Bring some fireworks :bbq:
-
and some marshmallows
-
To dip in
-
The chocolate sauce......yum :)
-
Sound sleep, please :ange:
-
Noooooo, all nighter
-
eyes wide open
-
After that coffee
-
with cream, marshmallows :-*
-
( back to marshmallows ;D)
and a flake
-
Very full now
-
but will eat more!
-
Jacket potatoes anyone ?
-
And some cheese?
-
lots of black pepper
-
And creamy butter
-
All those calories. :-\
-
Not counting, delicious! :cupcake:
-
Brisk walking today
-
To burn off
-
extra energy: then <wave Dyan>
-
To replace the
<wave CLKD>
-
cobwebs: no housework!
-
A HUGE Spider !!! :o :'(
-
sat right down
-
On my cake!
-
8 sticky feet
-
To the gym! :hapij:
-
Really, must we?
-
Not today: gardening?
-
Pots are done
-
leaves collected up?
-
Washed the gnomes ;D
-
Nope,where's the
-
bleach & scrubber?
-
under the sink
-
There's a leak >:(
-
Call the plumber
-
Can't because he
-
has a menopausal wife!! (prostrate on the floor having a wobbler!)
-
She's very demanding
-
Wants his plunger
-
;D
wants his plunger - DIY then?
-
Yes,because she
-
Suffers from bad........
-
pipes & drains
-
Yes.....there blocked :rant: :bang: :cuss:
-
with Autumn leaves
-
Dead grass and
-
snails, worms and
-
A dead rat
-
What a mess
-
cleared up now!
-
That was quick
-
brush and shovel ;)
-
A treat next
-
A new coat?
-
With furry collar
-
Need boots too
-
Ugg or wellies ? ;D
-
Neither :). Something smart
-
Flats or heels?
-
Flats: walking boots ;)
-
Need to be posh
-
To match my....
-
Very modern house
-
minimalist then? no
-
Yes! That's it.
-
It makes dusting
-
Easy for my......
-
Sexy male housekeeper
-
He's only 29 ::)
-
He's got a.......
-
Degree in flower-arranging
-
Loves his Roses ;) :love: :-*🌹🌹💗
-
All those thorns
-
Mind they dont
-
get in your slippers
-
Got any plasters?
-
And put them
-
In my handbag
-
It's soooo BIG......
-
And very heavy
-
What's in there?????? ??? ???
-
The kitchen sink?
-
No, but I
-
like to put
-
My rubber duck 🐥
-
In the bag
-
Nicely tucked in :yes:
-
Under a blanket
-
He keeps quacking ;D 🐔
-
Quack, quack, quack!!!
-
He needs food
-
Poor little duck!
-
He's lonely........so ;) :wub: :love:
-
Find a partner?
-
Yes,a mate
-
Try online dating?
-
Sign him up
-
Could be expensive
-
A cheap date
-
Soon he's asking >:( >:(
-
To move in.
-
Oh he is
-
With his Mother :-\
-
and his chicks....
-
All of them?
-
Shhhh he says.... :P
-
The tax man
-
Is sat listening
-
He will know
-
About our funds
-
Who told him ;) :cuss: :beat:
-
We have a mole
-
In a hole
-
Get him out.
-
He's frozen solid !!
-
The fire brigade?
-
Oooo yes please ::)
-
Will you behave!
-
We can dream
-
I dreamt he....... :-* :-* :o
-
was in uniform
-
But then I
-
woke up with
-
A thumping headache
-
brisk walk then?
-
In this weather!
-
Fine, cloudy, dull ......
-
So I'll stay
-
At home and
-
Bake Mince pies 🎄🎅
-
Because, last year
-
because last year - Santa ate them
-
He's very fat
-
But doesn't care ;D🎅🎅🎅🎄
-
Ho! Ho! Ho!
-
Christmas is coming!
-
<wave> Dyan
geese are getting fat
-
Cards are written.
-
Presents are wrapped.
-
Time for party ?? :party:
-
Need an outfit
-
and some shoes.....
-
long white gloves
-
String of pearls
-
Glen Miller's Band
-
A glass of.......
-
:-\ ........... Malt Whisky neat
-
The expensive stuff
-
little and often ;)
-
Large and often. :)
-
HIC!! Pass the......
-
ice-bucket, glass ........
-
Is broken now
-
My OH will
-
buy new flutes
-
Pan Pipe flutes ?? :whist:
-
No, for our
-
champagne : cheese straws
-
For the birds
-
fresh water and grain
-
No fresh water. ???
-
Use bottled then......
-
bird baths filled
-
For the robins
-
starlings, wren, blackbird :-*
-
Next doos cat :cat88:
-
Likes them all :)
-
spits out feathers ;D
-
On the bed ;D
-
messes the covers :o
-
That are new!
-
shake them quickly!
-
Too late. Paw-prints :(
-
into the wash!
-
Washing machine broken. :(
-
To the launderette?
-
It's closed down. :(
-
Round to neighbours
-
Don't like them. Hi Dyan
-
:rofl:
pass the sheets here ::)
-
I'll do 'em...
-
on the line ......
-
Oh it's raining
-
Ironed; on the bed clean ;D
-
What now then ?
-
shut bedroom door (so cat doesn't get in again ;D )
-
a nice cuppa :)
-
A sing song ?
-
Let's sing carols!
-
"Oh come all................
-
covers ears up :D
-
'Whats that noise'......
-
OMG, it's happened
-
It's a UFO .......
-
go to bed
-
Couldn't sleep because.....
-
of cold feet
-
put socks on?
-
knitted; home made ;)
-
Can't knit,crochet
-
But can't make
-
Fingerless gloves and
-
thick woollen stockings
-
Buy them then.
-
Lost my purse :'(
-
not again ::)
-
Cap in hand
-
warmer on your head ;D
-
;D
Warmer on your head=to keep brains
-
to keep brains = supple, alert, keen ;D
-
For plenty of
-
Rumpy pumpy time :bed:
-
Sorry, no time
-
Doesn't take long >:( :oops: : :neutral:
-
Well okay then.
-
The bell rings
-
Postman or Santa :D
-
Postman. A parcel
-
Wrapped in brown paper
-
Tied with string
<wave CLKD- how are you today?>
-
It smells strange :(
-
Smells of lemons
-
Lemon meringue pie
-
What about the........
-
Egg allergy though. ???
-
Pass it to me :-* (I LOVE lemons)
<wave> Dyan ........ struggling :-\
-
:bighug: CLKD
No,me first
-
You going to fight?
-
Ding,round one :lol:
Hi LM
-
Plate empty now ;D
-
Want a coffee?
-
Prefer black T ;)
-
Haven't got tea
-
Bring my own
-
Rum punch anyone :party: :na: :madeyes:
-
;D far too early :drunk:
-
It's almost 6!
-
So lets party :)
-
<yawn> too tired
-
Well I'm going
-
got the hat!
-
Got any money?
-
No,purse empty :o
-
Hot chocolate at home ???
-
Marshmallows and cream
-
long handled spoon
-
And a flake
-
warm bath ;), bubbles
-
That tickle my
-
:o ;D
elbows: warm towel
-
Then put on
-
claret coloured pyjams
-
Had them years.
-
Must buy another
-
flannel, soap, bubbles
-
To take on
-
The exotic holiday
-
To Sussex beaches
-
Where the sea
-
splashes gently, sparkling
-
'' Look'' a Mermaid.......
-
Can't see her
-
Oh yes you can ;D
-
She's behind you ;D
-
Oh no she's not ;D
-
Yes she is ;D
-
:clapping:
on her bum :o
-
Is a tattoo
-
That man's name
-
an X across it :o
-
They got divorced
-
why? do tell ;)
-
Listen carefully,then
-
He wore her...... :o
-
Brand new coat
-
Fur coat and...... ;D
-
He ripped it!
-
thread a needle?
-
Rip's too big
-
Darning required then?
-
Buying another one
-
same colour or .....
-
No, I fancy
-
Indigo blue and
-
White fur hood. (what we buying again? Lol)
-
(I don't know, remind me ;D )
and red wellies
-
What a picture.
-
Get the camera
-
Snap, bang, wallop :o
-
Camera, not sledgehammer ;)
-
"what a picture, what a photograph" - was a song in the 1960s ;)
can't lift sledgehammer :o
-
Broken my finger
-
splint it up?
-
You do it?
-
Lolly sticks and tape ;)
-
We need a ....... ;)
-
bag of peas
-
For the bruises
-
Someone strong to......
-
Gather the logs
-
He's very fit..... :o
-
Who is it?
-
It's the postman...
-
Ellie! The postman?
-
Yes, nice legs! ( wears shorts in Winter cor! ). I look forward to post each day ;D
-
How old then?
-
40 and FIT :o
-
Bit young though. :o
-
Lovely toy boy
-
Tanned, shorts, surf-board?
-
Lovely eyes and :o
-
<wave Dyan>
bright blue slippers
-
and a Turkey Crown!
-
He feels bloated :'(
-
go jogging gently
-
Slipped on ice
-
Broke his toe :'(
-
Rest for him
-
In a hotel..
-
5 star hotel?
-
Yes, he needs........
-
A maid to
-
Apply his dressings
-
And some TLC
-
Not TCP then?
-
He needs......love 👄💓 :-*
-
And lots of.........
-
<wave Dyan>
lots of …….. warm, fluffy towels
-
When he's better .....
-
We can do
-
A little shoplifting
-
In Agent Provocateur
-
The place where
-
The expensive coat
-
Hangs just inside
-
the locked safe
-
Need the key
< wave CLKD>
-
lost in floods :o
<wave>
-
Will need to
-
get a canoe
-
And paddle to
-
Torquay and Painton
-
Love it there
-
walking along the Prom
-
Bag of chips
-
And an ice-cream
-
With a flake
-
Feel full now
-
watch the tide
-
Got a boat
-
Feeling sea sick ::)
-
Not set off yet. :o
-
A dodgy curry :-X
-
no such thing ;D
-
It came from
-
My dear sister
-
She puts loads
Hi LM
-
Of make-up on. Hi Dyan
-
and hair spray
-
It's so stiff :o
-
She looks like !!!
-
a punk rocker
-
you remember them?
-
I wasn't one ;D
-
nor was I ::)
-
A teeny bopper
-
hot-pants suit :o
-
In red leather
-
Donny denim hat
-
What a picture! Hi Dyan, you ok?
-
It's up on
Hi LM
Having a bad day today will PM you.
-
My bedroom wall
-
Collecting dust and.......
-
Is going mouldy
-
Passes the duster ;D
<wave> Dyan
-
And the spray
-
It smells of
<wave CLKD>
-
fresh lemons, hmmmmm
-
Making me sneeze
-
hands over Kleenex
-
Mansize because my
-
Nose is big
-
man-size are thicker
-
To absorb more
-
spilt cups of tea :o
-
On the table
-
on the cat :o
-
Furs all matted
-
Needs a bath
-
A Turkish bath :)
-
Turkish Van Cat
-
What a delight
-
;D
can't eat a whole one
-
Well, we'll help. :)
-
;D
opens the box
-
Looks inside.......AND!!! :o
-
They've all gone!!
-
Box into recycling
-
Off to the shops
-
Did you buy?
-
Any toilet roll?
-
and Kitchen roll
-
For the boxes
-
What boxes ?
-
Box of chocolates
-
All with soft
-
Strawberry centres, also
-
wrapped in foil
-
Cadbury cream eggs
-
not already ;D
-
Saw them advertised
-
On the TV
-
a pot plant
-
Is looking rather
-
Droopy! Reminds me.........
-
Of my boobs. ;D
-
Mmmm heading South??? ;D
-
Swallows head South ;)
-
Don't blame them
-
It's lack of
-
sunshine, blue skies
-
The smell of
-
Roast beef and ?
-
Yorkshire pud and
-
peas with mint :-*
-
Now for dessert
-
What do you fancy?
-
I read that as 'who' do you fancy ;D
creme brûlée please
-
And a coffee ☕
-
coffee milk shake
-
:sick02: No thanks
-
;D ……… profiteroles then?
-
Yes, like those :)
-
with extra cream?
-
Nooooo, dieting now
-
Sea food diet? ;D
-
and eat it ;)
-
Cutting down diet :)
-
little and often
-
A little bit...............
-
of what you ……..
-
Fancy does you
-
Good, so now.......
-
:clapping:
ice cream sundae
-
It's too cold.
-
Cold enough to ?
-
go back to bed
-
And dream of........
-
Winning the lottery
-
Then I'd buy
-
A new house
-
With a double
Hi LM
-
Bed because we
-
Need to spread
-
Out now because
-
Of night sweats
-
And the snoring
-
The new lodger..........
-
Walks about naked ::)
-
do you watch?
-
I might do ;)
-
If he has
-
Remembered his promise
-
About the blindfold ;D
-
That's has tiny
-
Sequins all over.
-
over the sequins …… ???
-
I don't know ???
-
I'm not worrying
-
Good,now lets
-
make a cuppa
-
or some champagne?
-
hate champagne: bubbles :o
-
Bubble and squeak
-
fried to a crisp!
-
I like crisps :)
-
salt and vinegar ?
-
Sour cream & chive
-
with cheese, biscuits
-
Grapes for our
-
pudding: white, sweetest
-
And juiciest,now
-
<hands over tissues > ;D
<wave>
-
Still hungry though :(
-
banana split now?
-
Fancy some chocolate
-
I've got some
-
chocolate eclairs and
-
Vanilla slices,so
<wave>
-
pass a plate ;)
-
a big one ;D
-
will you share?
-
Enough for three? ;)
-
Probably: bigger plate ;D
-
One of each
-
with double cream?
-
Oooo yes please ;)
-
serviettes, large spoon
-
pelican bib to ;D
-
;D …… like the kids have?
pelican bib too …….. oh no: messy :-X
-
don't spill then.....
-
On the sofa
-
under a blanket
-
Yes like the kids have ;D
There is something
-
small, furry, purring
-
With a pink
<wave>
-
button nose: paws
<wave>
-
and little whiskers
-
3 little kittens
-
One called Felix :cat88:
-
;D
2 years old
-
Another called Tammy
-
who purrs incessantly,
-
kneading paws gently
-
then gently bites...
-
feed them now?
-
I wonder if??
-
I should get
-
full cream milk
-
For the kittens?
-
or my cereal
-
Buy a cow?
-
all that poo :o
-
For veg patch
-
a whole new
-
Organic diet that
-
keeps us lively
-
and looking younger
<wave>
-
Feeling better already :banana: :hapij: :cheer:
-
oh do sit down ;D
-
You're making me
-
Feel very dizzy
-
head between knees :o
-
Can't bend down
-
Knicker elastic snapped :'(
-
;D that last comment reminds me :-\
slip them off
-
Buy some more
-
Bought a thong :o
-
Oh dear. Why?
-
To impress the ;)
-
Man next door?
-
and did it ;D (impress)
-
Huh? Did what?
-
Yes he said.........
-
That my bum
-
Your pinching......get..
-
A bit nearer
-
Need to whisper :-*
-
whisper what: do tell ;D
-
You know her
-
black fluffy slippers
<wave>
-
She stole them
-
no: she won them
-
On the bingo?
-
in a bran tub ;D
-
At the fair
-
in bright sunshine
-
Policeman saw her :o
-
He got out
-
His truncheon and...
-
Threatened her because
-
She called him
-
A cheating b......
-
He is horrified :cuss: :beat:
-
To find himself
-
Sent to Covertry
-
He's very upset
-
he'll get over it
-
He's broken hearted 💔
-
not for long
-
Because next week ....
-
he gets new slippers
-
And a pipe
-
He's very excited ;D
-
About his retirement
-
Lots to do 8)
-
People to see
<wave>
-
<wave>
places to go
-
Disneyland is first
-
Dumbo ride and
-
Then he will
-
have a bath
-
He has fleas
-
elephants get lice
-
He's a man :o
-
Men scratch their ;)
-
Dumbo : an elephant :-\
-
I'm completely lost ::) The man was at Disney on the Dumbo ride ::)
-
use your compass
-
Found him.......but.....
-
He's frozen solid
-
Must have been
-
In the freezer
-
There's icicles hanging
-
from ear lobes
-
Quick call the......
-
Inuit - axe required
-
be careful you
-
speak Escimo or
-
They might chop!
-
wood and not
-
Your fingers off
-
very messy, painful :o
-
Get the vanish
-
No wait........because.....
-
I'm moving soon
-
To Africa and......
-
I won't need
-
To take my
-
Vit D capsules
-
So instead I'll
-
Take my bike :)
-
and sun hat
-
What about the
-
Factor 25 lotion?
-
For those bits
-
That may burn ::)
-
And go crispy
-
No medical insurance
-
buy some then
-
Where from though?
-
The pet shop :)
-
Has parrots that
-
pine for the fjords ;)
-
which are glorious
-
Let's go there
-
Is it cold?
-
Yes wear thermals
-
layers: bright pink
-
I need sunshine :(
-
Ffjords *are* sunny
-
We all ready ???
-
Yes I'm packed
-
onto the cruise-ship
-
Let's unpack now
-
lots of storage
-
For our BIG!
-
straw hats, brollies …..
-
You mean sunbrollies?
-
yep: lilac lace
-
With tassels hanging
-
Slightly blowing: shading
-
Got a suntan
-
cool drink required?
-
What's on offer?
-
Depends who's asking ;)
-
The Captains asking
-
It's a YES !
-
freshly squeezed: with
-
Some expensive champagne
-
a parasol: straw …...
-
Gaze into his
-
Wallet and ask........
-
For some money
-
suntan lotion required
-
Not a diamond?
-
that's next: then?
-
Slip into something......
-
Comfortable for him
-
onesie in pink
-
Very very sexy. ;D
-
And difficult to
-
ignore: easy to
-
Wash, 30 degrees
-
drips dry quickly
-
In the meantime...............
-
He's gone missing >:(
-
with my onesie ;D
-
The little thief.
-
There he goes :o
-
A flash of
-
Bare flesh, because ;)
-
He lost his
-
Underpants and his
-
thick, warm socks …..
-
Off to M & S
-
<wave Dyan>
not S&M :-X
-
For new supplies
-
<wave CLKD>
and some extra
-
Towels for my
-
new bathroom that
Hi LM
-
is almost finished
-
Call the plumber
-
OH! a leak
-
It's flooding my
-
Brand new bedroom
-
Get a mop!
-
Shops are shut
-
cleaned up now
-
Used my big........
-
Knickers because the
-
Elastic broke and
-
They fell down
-
to the floor
-
Quick, someone's coming... ::)
-
Pass that towel
-
Only got flannel :oops: :neutral:
-
That will do
-
to cover the
-
remaining puddle and
-
cover my modesty
-
fully dressed now
-
In a shell-suit ::)
-
and white trainers
-
I feel goooooood.
-
Raring to go :boobs: :jiggy: :spin:
-
Will you drive?
-
in the camper
-
Fancy a limo ::)
-
Bright pink with …..
-
Satellite TV and
-
Champagne and chocolates
-
slippers and robe
-
a cuddly teddy
-
To give to
-
me, me, me ;D
-
No,me please!
-
Lets have a........
-
vanilla chic-ice
-
That sounds kinky :)
-
chocolaté choc-ice ………….
spell check changed it ::)
-
Mmm very satisfying
-
and yummy too
-
sorry: messy, sticky ;D
-
get the tissues
-
wet flannel please
-
and warm towel
-
clean now: cocoa?
-
With a biccie
-
and marsh-mallow?
-
No marshmallows. Banana?
-
mashed with cream
-
With toffee sauce
-
messy again: flannel ;D
-
Get in bath ;D
-
lots of bubbles ;D
-
Bath is leaking
-
plumber here: mended
-
Now,let's go
-
let's go ………. and wash our
-
<wave>
Undies and hang
-
Them next to
-
lavender bushes and
-
my neighbours window
-
to enjoy the
-
My thong flapping
-
:o - lace and silk ?
-
Absolutely! Cost me
-
a flipping fortune
-
My monthly salary!
-
Black and red
-
Phew! Dry now
-
So what now?
-
Get them on..........
-
We're off out.
-
To paint the
Hi LM
-
New shed pink. Hi Dyan. Ok?
-
with black handles
-
It looks good.
-
Enter for competition?
-
Won 1st Prize :bounce:
https://www.decorate your shed
-
What've we won?
-
New curtains and
-
A new house!
-
with double bath
-
And 8 bedrooms
-
all en-suite
-
Lets invite the.......
-
husband, spaniel and
-
Mother in law >:D
-
She's gone now
-
Just as well......
-
No clean bedding.
-
On the line
-
Facing my neighbours
-
are they friendly?
-
Yes very,but
<wave>
-
<wave>
but …….. they keep emus
-
And they poke
-
My little cat
-
Where he doesnt
-
like! so he
-
Snarls & scratches
-
Hisses and spits
-
Makes them bleed
-
emus peck back
-
get a muzzle
-
From a petshop?
-
Let's try tiffanys!!!!
-
catch emus first ;D
-
With a lasso(spelling) :-\
-
got them: kicking
-
and screaming,so
-
Sat on them ;D
-
They run fast :D
-
Can't catch them
-
Need a net
-
Laid an egg
-
On our sofa
-
Keep it warm 🐣
-
Need a blanket
-
I'll crochet one
-
Hurry up because
-
it's hatching out :o
-
It's a cuckoo ;D
-
What now then :-\
-
Lets name him!
-
It's a he?
-
William Tell: Swiss
-
for Billy Liar
-
Swiss = clock ;D
for Billy Liar ? lost now :P
-
In the fog
-
With no lights
-
Only some matches
-
Too windy to
-
Do anything except
-
Fly the Kite ...
-
On the beach
-
Too many stones
-
At Carrow Road?
-
They did well!
-
So let's celebrate
-
Throw a party?
-
Not today: busy
-
Party! Yes let's.....
-
How many guests?
-
count is 94
-
Are we catering?
-
Gordon Ramseys coming :-X :o
-
Must get ready
-
I have new
Hi LM
-
Clothes and a. Hi Dyan
-
New lipstick that
-
glows in the dark
-
When I'm walking
-
in the Dales
-
Like a beacon?
-
To be seen ….
-
By the postman
-
in his shorts
-
He has sexy
-
multi-coloured laces
-
He bought them
-
In Charity shop
-
In the village
-
where the witch
-
Stirs her cauldron....
-
On a Tuesday.
-
She puts in
-
An appearance at
-
The Pound Shop
-
Draws the crowds
-
With her frilly
-
Trimmed bloomers and....
-
... Red walking boots.
-
She's being followed :o
-
By MI5 because
-
because ( they ) love frillynickers
-
;D
hand crocheted lace?
-
<wave>
Yes,here goes
-
She up dancing
-
On the pole ::)
-
Phew! cuppa time
<wave>
-
Just as well...
-
Firemen need (the)pole.....
-
to dance around
-
While waiting for
-
Their handbag order...
-
fish and chips
What's a handbag order?
-
With salt & vinegar
(Handbags to dance around ) ;D
-
:rofl:
newspaper and kitchen-roll
-
To mop up
-
Their little accident
-
Their so embarrassed :-[ :sigh: :oops:
-
Mopped up now ;)
-
Phew! What's that...
-
noise coming from
-
And awful smell :-\
-
Need air freshener
-
Windows open: fresher
-
Oh NO!! Smog :(
-
sun's through now
-
Sun cream on
-
slapped all over :D
-
Caution! Slippery surfaces...
-
hold on tight ::) ::)
-
We are off.......
-
whoops: over again ;D
-
Oh no ! Again......
-
JCB Crane required ;D
-
Down here: floundering ;D
-
mind the fisher-men ;) (flounder = fish)
-
Netted a whopper.....
-
Fish and chips??
-
And a beer?
-
lager: brisk walk?
-
Then nice dessert
-
creme brûlée with
<wave>
-
<wave>
Don't like that
-
too rich; jelly?
-
And ice cream ?
-
And a flake :)
-
stuffed full now
-
birthday cake anyone? :cake:
-
:hbday:
Don't mind if ...
-
I do.....so.. :)
-
<hands over plate>
-
Loving the icing
-
Very very full
-
Always room for...
-
A lemon slice
-
or a brownie....
-
no too sickly :D
-
Madeira cake anyone?
-
with a cuppa?
-
Yes,and some
<wave>
-
kitchen roll: sticky
-
Look at the sofa!!
-
whoops: sorry, I'll
<wave>
-
Get out my
-
Henry: done now
-
Left a stain >:(
-
Covered with throw :)
-
He won't notice
-
there is no stain !
-
It's small but.......
-
can't see it :(
-
No worries then ::)
-
Phew: thanks. Cuppa?
-
Yep,and cake?
-
Shall we try.........
-
piece of melon
-
For a change
-
take seeds out
-
Get under teeth ;D
-
;D
take those out :o
-
Gummy gummy gumdrops :D
-
old fashioned sweeties?
-
Extra large gobstoppers.... ;D
-
Flying Saucers anyone?
-
nothing with nuts
-
sherbet lemons - yum :)
-
Black-jacks, fruit-salads and
-
Cherry lips :D
-
Sherbert dips, liquorice
-
Spangles and sherbet-dips
-
Ice breaker chocolate
-
what was that?
-
Milk chocolate with crunchy pieces of mint inside..........delish!!!
Used to buy this when I'd earned enough pocket money cleaning the shoes,sweeping the floor,etc,etc....................
More expensive than the usual retro sweets.Up there with the:
Milk Tray bar
-
Don't like mint!
-
All because the lady loves......
(Sorry forgot how to count to 3)
-
Milk Tray and
-
Hmmm black magic....
-
LOVE Black Magic ;)
-
Where's the Witch 😉
-
Having a nap.
-
Ready for tonight 👻
-
what's on tonight?
-
Cauldron cookery show
-
Frogs legs with!!🐸
-
Powdered bat spleen
-
Always very popular
-
Especially put on...........
-
Some water biscuits
-
Biscuits only please
-
So custard creams?
-
And chocolate digestives
-
to dunk: messy ;D
-
Bits fell off :o
-
Well how about ......
-
a bib: cleaner?
-
Much better - thanks
-
vanilla ice cream?
-
At 8 o'clock?
-
Better than breakfast
-
Now elevenses,coffee
-
And a teacake?
-
Hot cross bun?
-
You want both?
-
It is easter!!!!!!!
-
Yes, but both?
-
Rather have chocolate
-
Ok no teacake ;D
-
Hot cross buns?
-
Toasted with butter....
-
Then, going shopping!!!
-
for more butter
-
:(. Got butter
-
All we need ...
-
... is love: and
-
A bit of
-
Affection with unlimited.....
-
Access to money :)
-
to spend on
-
Summer shoes and
<wave Dyan>
-
A spray tan :sunny:
-
does it smear?
-
Not at all
-
looks OK from here ;)
-
Let's go travelling
-
Where to first ?
-
Stick a pin ........
-
in a map
-
It's South America
-
Gently does it
-
Long way though.
-
Duty free shopping!!!
-
Ok. Let's go.
-
Wait a minute...
-
There's a problem :-\
-
forgot my passport ::)
-
Borrow own from ::)
-
It's run out!!
-
Quick order one ....
-
Need a photo
-
Do a selfie?
-
Shaky hands,so
-
Blurs the wrinkles
-
No wrinkles here ;D
-
You little fibber :)
-
Botox on board ;D
-
Not for me :-*
-
Because I hate
-
Being jabbed and
-
Poked about and
-
No money anyway :'(
-
Grow old gracefully
-
Am trying hard
-
Better still disgracefully ?????? ;D
-
and wear purple!
-
I do: daily ;D
-
Purple hats rock :D
-
It covers my
-
Big bald patch :'(
-
of hydrangea bush ;)
-
my lilac is: purple ;D
-
My favourite colour
-
goes with anything
<wave Dyan>
-
Especially red hair
< wave CLKD>
-
is that dyed?
-
Can't you tell?
-
Nope: bottle or?
-
Henna powder perhaps ?
-
It's a wig!
-
I want one ;D
-
only one: several ………..
-
Long, short and..
-
brightly coloured: fits!
-
Next doors statue :)
-
Of a naked
-
sprite: in bronze
-
By a pond
-
Frightening the fish ::)
-
and the heron ;D
-
That's a flamingo !!!! ;D
-
Need new specs :o
-
You have money?
-
Not any more ;D
-
Where's it gone?
-
To retail therapy ???
-
Cosmetic surgery for........
-
My right knee
-
Pink plaster then!
-
With smiley face ;D
-
May I sign?
-
Your life away..... ;)
-
Dream, dream, dream
-
The Everly Brothers?
-
Yep: nice lookers
-
The three degrees
-
Oh that dates us ;D
-
Yes it does !!!!!
-
Young at heart
-
When I play
-
Hop skip (and) jump
-
Outside my house
-
Somone is watching!!
-
with a bouquet :o
-
It's the Mayor :)
-
with his Wife
-
holding the baby
-
crying: hungry perhaps?
-
' Who's the Father ' ?.... >:(.........
-
the man with
-
the Mayor's wife ;)
-
It's their gardener !! ::)
-
Nope: the Mayor :D
-
Oh I say !!!! ;D
-
Said Dot Cotton
-
To the Policeman......
-
on the motor-cycle
-
'' Where's my Nick ? ''
-
in the drawer ? oh Nick not knickers ;)
-
Hiding from Dot
-
''Ma'' he shouts......
-
In need some
-
Above should read
I need some :-\ ::)
-
;D
new reading glasses ?
-
Should I go
-
To SpecSavers?
-
Make an appointment
-
at the Spa
-
With that man ;)
-
Who delivered my
-
Pizza last night.
-
I complained because.........
-
He dropped it
-
face down, dusty ::)
-
Had no tea. :'(
-
While watching eurovision :-\
-
that's over now ;D
-
Phew,let's party!
-
Because its over ;D
-
Need an outfit
-
Not leather because........
-
It irritates my
-
Skin and itches ;)
-
So maybe silk?
-
Red silk knickers :cancan:
-
Can't bear the feel of silk
-
So no knickers...... ;D
-
Might be draughty ;D ::)
-
Long skirt only?
-
There's a draught :-*
-
The doors open :)
-
Because of smells
-
Who's cooking kippers ?
-
or sardines: yuk
-
Get the airfreshner
-
Need a mask
-
Borrow one from.....
-
B and Q
-
All sold ! Help !
-
Can you sew?
-
what's a needle?
-
Cleopatra had one ???
-
It was cursed :o ::)
-
By an old
-
Menopausal woman who.......
-
Had some issues
-
And hot flushes.....
-
But she always
-
Made lovely undies
Hi LM
-
& gave them away....
-
To people who
-
had heavy periods
(off to start a thread if I can remember)
-
3 inches thick :-\
-
white, baggy, nuisance
-
Makes you bandy ;D
-
Rhymes with.... :o
... shandy ;)
-
Comes in handy ;D
-
... when you're feeling
-
Dandy, so let's
-
Book a holiday
-
Great, let's go....
-
Need a suitcase
-
need a passport
-
Suntan lotion: where to?
-
Mexico,lets go......
-
big spiders there :-\
-
Oh. Barbados then?
-
Yes ,we've arrived.....
-
Beach towels out
-
It very hot.
-
Ice lolly then?
-
Orange Zoom please
-
Raspberry mivi please
-
Tissue please, quick ;D
-
What? Dribbling again.... ;D
-
Down my chin ;D
-
Wet wipes then :)
-
Non scented though
-
sensitive skin and
-
lots of talc
-
Lets go snorkelling :great: ⛵
-
Ok, good idea
-
'Look ' a Turtle.......
-
flapping along happily
-
The seas warm :sunny: :sunny: :clapping:
-
the sand is hot
-
Sunbathe now then?
-
The nudist beach?
-
No pick-pockets there :D
-
;D … :lol: :clapping:
-
Got sand everywhere :sigh: :oops: ;)
-
A shower then?
-
And a cocktail ?
-
In the cubicle ???
-
But not alone ;) :-*
-
Who with Ellie? :o
-
The lifeguard, he's.........
-
The man from
-
Uncle: brawn, tanned ….
-
But completely broke
-
>:(. That's no good :-\
-
What now then :-\
-
His Mum's here ;D
-
With the Vicar !!!! ???
-
They're a couple?
-
They have money
-
I like them :)
-
Ice cream everyone :clapping:
-
Oh yes please :-*
-
With a flake
-
Yum, now what........👍
-
Fancy the cinema?
-
Pick n mix?
-
Yes of course
-
Not popcorn: noisy ;D
-
What's the film?
-
Pollyanna - so glad …..
-
Because I'll nap
-
Don't dare snore >:( >:(
-
Because it will
-
Really annoy me.
-
Shhhh it's started :-X
-
Don't like it.
-
Why ever not ? :-\
-
Think it's boring.
-
You're right, it's........
-
Great for insomnia
-
;D Right what next.......
-
How about supper?
-
Fish and chips?
-
With mushy peas?
-
Don't like them :sick02:
-
How about pizza?
-
Banana and tuna pizza?
-
Having cravings wombat? ::)
-
Miss that one out! ;D
-
BBQ lunch time :)
-
Let's go walking....
(Get rid of the calories after lunch.....Dyan, no cravings -phew!)
-
To the shops?
-
Down the Pier.....
-
We could fish?
-
What you caught?
-
An old shoe >:(
-
Not with a lady in it?
-
So MANY chrildren !!! :'(
-
All that ironing ;D
-
All that cooking ! ;D
-
Washing up: paper plates …..
-
Disposable cutlery too.....
-
Sorted then: bedding?
-
Sleep standing up :o
-
Head to toe :D
-
Make me look.......
-
…… at what exactly?
-
10 years younger!
-
was a TV programme
-
Liked Goks best
-
LOVE Gok Wan :-*
-
Met him once
-
We're you naked?
-
;D Err no LM. :o
A book signing
-
Pen ran out.
-
:clapping:
used HB pencil
-
Hope it doesnt
-
make a tattoo :o
<wave Dyan>
-
Because I'm allergic
-
to dark ink
-
It makes me
<wave CLKD>
-
Wet my pants :'( :-\
-
Granny pants required?
-
Big enough so
<wave CLKD>
-
they hold up!
-
Don't want the
-
Neighbours seeing my
-
bright bare bottom :o
-
With a mole
-
In the garden
-
sunbathing naked: warm :-*
-
Not today,cloudy
-
In the summerhouse?
-
Don't have one :(
Hi LM
-
Buy one then? Hi Dyan
-
Have no money :(
-
Borrow ours: Pimms?
-
Plenty of ice.
-
Long glass: salt …..
-
And vinegar crisps
-
Ready salted please
-
No blue bag?
-
still available then?
-
I don't know? (wave)
-
I'll look in
<wave>
-
That little shop
-
in the village
-
The problem is
-
door is shut
-
Because the owner
-
is watching footie ;D
-
And his wife
-
is knitting socks
-
Ready for their
-
Winter ski shop
-
in the Alps
-
The problem is
-
there is no snow :o
-
So what now?
-
sunbath: alpine flowers :-*
-
to give to
-
The Ski instructor :)
-
To thank him
-
for last night ::) :o
-
He was gentle........ ;)
-
With me because
-
I fell often
-
And hurt my
-
left knee and thigh
-
I have a
-
Big bandage on :crutch: :crutch:
-
So I walk
-
or hobble, along
-
stop for ice-cream?
-
No, not today.
-
Shop shut because......
-
They have cockroaches.
-
the size of
-
dinner plates: :o
-
Need a hobby
-
outside or indoors?
-
Outside because I.......
-
Can't stand seeing
-
the ironing pile ;D
-
;D. Iron is broken
-
Hip hip hooray!
-
The messy look! ;D
-
A new trend
-
Need loom bands
-
Made some yesterday :)
-
Black and white?
-
All the colours........🌈
-
Make me some?
-
Done, so now.......
-
Car boot sale?
-
Clear the loft
-
And the garage
-
I've found a......!
-
Big hairy spider
-
Ring 999 quick
-
It's in my..... :cuss: :oops:
-
ironing basket! :o
(what are loom bands :-\ )
-
Eating my smalls.
Loom Bands are the latest craze CLKD.
-
Yes but what are they?
no ironing then ;D
-
BIG hairy spiders :o :o
-
With knobbly knees
(Tiny coloured elastic bands that you do some sort of finger knitting with to weave them together - highly addictive ;))
-
Spiders are white!
Loom bands - you can also buy a small loom (only cheap) to make more complicated bands. ::)
-
With purple spots
-
large or small
(yep, know what the looms are now ::) )
-
Large and poisonous.
-
Taken to the Zoo ;)
-
Whilst I was there
-
I bought two.....
-
Baby elephants to
-
Keep in my
-
Conservatory, .......guess what ? ::) :cuss:
-
What? What happened?
-
They trumpeted and...... >:(
-
OH: the mess :o
-
Fetch a shovel...
-
A large one :beaurk: :-\
-
It smells disgusting
-
Chuck it over
-
Next doors hedge
-
NO! on my roses ;D
-
Elephants ate the roses ::)
-
:o ………. thorny problem
-
****ly poo then ;D
-
;D ………… :clapping:
no Andrex then
-
Used yesterdays Sun ( newspaper )
-
Got piles now ;D ;D ;D
-
Piles of dung ?
-
NO ! Piles in :-X :'(
-
My rear end
-
looks big in ……….
-
The round mirror :o
-
covers mirror: better?
-
Yes.....most embarrassing :-[ :oops:
-
Wear a kaftan
-
Bright pink with
-
Black accessories and
-
A feather boa :veil:
-
Fluffy with bells
-
You'll look .... Erm. Different
-
That's good! ;D
-
Unique and trendy
-
Sexy and .........waiting ;)
-
For you know :-\
-
The time when
-
The lights dim ;)
-
and he puts ::)
-
the footie on ……….
-
And gets a beer
-
A power cut!!!! :)
-
Find the candles
-
Flowers and Champagne
<wave Dyan>
-
Champagne and beer?
-
Beer and Pimms?
-
Ok. Why not.
-
What's the occasion?
-
It's the engagement
-
between cyclists and fans (Tour de France)
-
Big day,when?
< wave CLKD>
-
Saterday ....need hat 🌺🌺
-
...and Sunday. Avoiding York!!
-
all week party
-
wish I were there
-
To eat all
-
The Yorkshire puddings !
-
...and ogle cyclists ;)
-
Cyclists, lycra, Mmmmmm
-
Yorkshire pud, gravy: YUM
-
followed by apple......
-
crumble: cream and
-
Coffee and mints
-
Eaten enough now
-
rest: lounge: doze …...
-
Anything on TV?
-
Football, or football? ;D
-
Nowt at all >:(
-
Try a DVD
-
On yer bike ;D
-
all in yellow ;D (I'm wearing my King of the Mountains hat this morning ;-) )
-
To attract bees
-
don't tell Honeybun ;)
-
I'm going to.
-
Can I come?
-
of course: cycling?
-
Haven't got one
-
hoola hoop then?
-
Takes me back
-
not too far .......
-
Just last week.
-
What happened then?
-
We played Jacks..........
-
Did I win?
-
No I did :na:
-
You always cheat >:(
-
no cheating here ;)
-
are you sure? ;D
-
Yep: skipping now
-
To keep fit?
-
yep: need exercise!
-
To tone my
-
flat bottom muscles ;D
-
Hide the TV?
-
NOPE! important event!
-
What about exercising?
-
Remind me: why ;D
-
Do I need
-
To pole dance !!
-
Well that depends
-
on who with ;D (DC springs to mind :o )
-
That teacher from
-
Strictly Come Dancing?
-
SEVEN!!!! That's him :)
-
and he's just
-
light on his feet
-
Wearing ballet shoes
-
with long ribbons
-
He's fallen over ;D
-
massage required? oils?
-
Don't think I
-
have warm hands
-
So I won't
-
Put them on........
-
his firm thighs
-
Not until later ;D ;D :-* ::)
-
After my dinner
-
done it! gently ;)
-
He's fallen asleep >:(
-
my soothing hands :-X
-
Poke him then!! >:( :'(
-
Let sleeping dogs ………. ;)
-
But he's snoring :( :o
-
Roll him over
-
Wide awake now :banana: :worm:!!!!
-
Let's try some...
-
Of this :bed: and
-
Dyan!! He's 93
-
Err! Maybe not :-*
-
Ambulance on standby ? : ;)
-
93: he's able ;D
-
He's a billionaire ::)
-
Changed my mind ;D
-
:). There's a queue
-
;D : nope: gardening ……..
-
He can buy
-
Some Viagra because........ ;)
-
Next Tuesday he
-
marries his lost-love
-
She wants babies!
-
He's got 12!
-
Wants Bakers Dozen!! ::)
-
In cream cakes
-
home made cakes?
-
They're the best
-
in a tin
-
Quality street tin
-
with large ribbon
-
Purple and green
-
Tied very tightly ;)
-
Tin won't open >:( >:(
-
That's the point (of the ribbon ;) ) ;D
-
So you cant
-
Looking for scissors ;D
-
Don't have any >:(
-
Stays un-opened then ;)
-
Lets raffle it !
-
£1 a strip?
-
Bit expensive that
-
It's a HUGE tin ;D
-
I'll buy 3 strips
-
OK: you've won :congrats:
-
That's not fair :diablo: :cuss:
-
I'll share then.
-
Purple ones please
-
OK I was going to give the Very Big Laugh and add
no fights girls
but the thread got longer and longer and - so:
with shiny paper
-
Strawberry creams are mine
-
:( I've found a........ :-\
-
;D …….. mustn't be rude …..
I've found a ……… bird's feather stuck :o
-
(Why not) ? ;).........
In a caramel !
-
Free tin now
-
store old buttons ?
-
Noooo, hide money
-
My money is: :o
-
Hidden in knickers :whist: :yes:
-
How did you guess ;D
-
Your smiling face ;D ;D ;D
-
:rofl:
in the mirror
-
Staring back at
-
those chin hairs ;D
-
Wow so long!! :rofl:
-
Need hedge trimmers?
-
Yes.....heavy domestic ;D ;D
-
OUCH! gone now
-
Found another on
-
<hands over tweezers>
-
Can't get it
-
Wait until morning ;)
-
It will grow
<wave>
-
about 1cm: then
<wave>
-
Start to curl !
-
;D
upwards or down?
-
Downwards to cover
-
The HUGE pimple !! :-[ :oops:
-
on the end
-
Of your nose ;D
-
is a fly :o
-
It's layed eggs!
-
Yes........Goose eggs ;) ;) :madeyes:
-
They need incubating.
-
In your bra :o
-
Warm and toasty (I had a kitten down there for a few days …….. many++ years ago. It didn't survive :'(, was very messy too :o )
-
They've hatched, noooo
-
Ah how sweet :-*
or - watch those claws
or - oh the mess
-
NO! Their snakes :cuss:
-
:o Cool, wriggling and …...
-
They are poisonous!
-
I've been bitten :'(
-
Call a Vet. :D
-
And an ambulance
-
better now: omlettes ;D
-
Cheese or mushroom?
-
cheese: with salad
<wave>
-
same here please
<wave>
-
Are they free?
-
from calories: no
-
Who's counting calories?
-
never: enjoy :cupcake:
-
Free, no cost?
-
10p each: iced?
-
:-\ iced omelettes
-
No,cakes, silly ;) ;D
-
I like cake :)
-
not today …….. savoury
-
Make your mind up :-\
-
You're confusing me :-\
-
;D
pizza with extra
-
Chocolate pudding and
-
Glass of wine
-
no wine thanks
-
I'll have yours
-
At this time of day ;D
-
It's lunch time!
-
Gone: cuppa anyone ;D
-
Yes please and.......
-
A ginger biscuit.
-
Full, bloated, bath ...
-
Bed,book and
-
8 hours sleep.
-
almost: lunch now
-
Lets go camping.......
-
Ok. Where to?
-
Holme Moss, Yorkshire ;)
-
Yes we can........
-
Any shops there?
-
Only a pub :(........ ;)
-
men in Lycra ;)
-
On the campsite?
-
drinking mead; singing
-
"Don't stop me....................
-
……. now: because I'm ……….
<wave> Dyan
-
<wave> CLKD
.......having good time" :)
-
Bouncing a ball
-
With both hands ::) (http://::))
-
And skipping too :o
-
too hot to skip ;D
-
Nude skipping contest :o
-
On my way ;D
-
You'll have to
-
Take your clothes
-
in a bag
-
Because the Police......
-
Regularly patrol and
-
Carry binoculars to
-
Look for regulars. Hi Dyan, you ok?
-
The ones who
Hi LM not too bad thnx
-
Keep pulling their?..........
-
Nose hair out :o
-
During the night.
-
Yuk and ouch! :o
-
Oh dear,now
-
I can hear.......
-
the bells ringing
-
for me and
-
I'm getting married!!!
-
Shot gun wedding? :-X
-
I'm afraid so.
-
How far gone? :-[ :-[
-
Knitting needles noisy ;D
-
Almost 6 months!
-
Knitting: 4 6 months ;D
-
Who's the Daddy :o :-*
-
Leonardo De Caprio
-
But don't tell.
-
Why? Is he :parti: :madeyes:
-
secretly wearing tights
-
Thought so !! Because........
-
Of varicose veins.
-
Knitting stockings then :P
-
arranging some flowers
-
Flowers....who for?
-
Mother in law
-
The one with.......
-
16 grandchildren
-
and a cat
-
With 6 kittens
-
Who wants one?
-
No thanks: responsibility :'(
-
But they're cute.
-
All babies are :'(
-
When they're asleep ;D ( love 'em really)
-
<wave Dyan>
messy when awake
-
just like men ::)
-
leaving their dirty
-
tools: muddy and
-
Scratching the floor
-
instead of in the shed !
-
Need new flooring
-
tiles or lino ?
-
Flotex is best
-
patterned or plain?
-
Well that depends
-
on the neighbours
-
Because they're paying.
-
Plain it will
-
Be because of
-
Their meanness and.....
-
Lack of taste
-
But it's free
-
For menopausal women
-
Who need the
-
Make me new
-
With no creases ;)
-
Lumps & bumps
-
Are firmly hidden
-
Big granny pants
-
In burnt orange
-
With purple spots
-
Pink lace?
-
With frilly bowd
-
A peeping Tom......... >:( >:(
-
Gone now: running ……………. (the Peeping Tom not me ;-) )
-
to the sales
<wave>
-
To buy a........
-
New winter coat
-
<wave back>
in fuchsia pink
-
<wave>
with a purple
-
collar and cuffs
-
& matching gloves?
-
Silk ones because.....
-
I hate silk :-X
-
Makes me sneeze
-
and brings me
-
Out in spots
-
Don't squeeze because....... :(
-
they get sore
-
Then I develop
-
lots of itchiness
-
<wave> I'm back!
with red blobs
-
Look a mess.
-
Get a cloth?
<wave Dyan>
-
A baby wipe
-
soft and gentle
-
On the bumps
-
scratches, bruises and
-
chaffing.Thats better........
-
<wave>
no itching or soreness
-
<wave>
Smooth and soft
-
warm and cosy
-
In my onesi
-
Bit hot now.
-
Open the window
-
Can't, it's stuck.
-
Call a glazier (remnants of Flanders and Swann ;D )
-
No one available
-
to massage my
-
Very big ego.
-
:-\ ……… quiet really
-
That's because of
-
nights pulling in
-
Close the curtains ;)
-
Crumpets on the fire :-*
-
Burnt my sleeve
-
How: skin OK?
-
A big blister
-
Need some plasters
-
a herbal salve
-
To protect it
-
Because tomorrow I'm
-
posing: life-style class
-
Then it's Harrods
-
for high tea
-
Then some shopping.
-
for new clothes ;D
-
And make up.
-
bubble bath and
-
Some expensive swimwear
-
new razor then ::)
-
I'm all set.
-
Wait! I forgot
-
To order taxi
-
>:( What now?
-
Book a limo
-
Stretch, of course :)
-
Are you paying?
-
Sugar daddy will
-
He's still around?
-
A different one
-
in a kilt?
-
It'll be windy :o
-
<wave>
the secret will be out ;)
-
He won't be happy.
-
that we know
-
Because last time
-
It was cold ;)
-
Made him ill
-
lifting his kilt
-
Needs some antiseptic
-
For his chapped
-
<wave> how was it?
:o : hairy knees ;D
-
<wave> great :thankyou:
That's better,now
-
It's time to
-
get into trews
-
Oh, they've gone
-
Where :-\? Which way? :-\
-
Down: showing his …..
-
enlarged :o big toe
<wave>
-
;D <wave>
swollen; bruised; painful
-
Throbbing and red
-
sounds like gout
-
That sounds bad
-
Call the vet!
-
Oh he's handsome
-
And very well off
-
He can afford
-
a gentle massage
<wave>
-
<wave>
With soothing oil
-
sleepy now: <yawn>
-
Lavender then? ;D
-
cut plants back
-
So they dont
-
get woody: scented?
-
Garden's a mess.
-
autumnal leaves everywhere ::)
-
Bulbs need planting
-
For next spring
-
............. lots of colour
-
Red,orange,pink
-
To match my
-
Table & chairs
-
That have woodworm. Hi Dyan
-
Hi LM
Now let's go
-
And replace them
-
At the auction
-
David is there
-
bright yellow trousers ;D
-
With tea stains
-
NOPE! neat and tidy (I've seen him at Peterborough)
-
That's ok then
-
bright jeans ironed!
-
Need a top
-
checked with sleeves ;D
-
And a gillet
-
looks neat; fur?
-
Yes,faux fur
-
Not smelly when wet then
<wave - how's your day been? >
-
;D
Busy- work today.
-
busy = exceptionally!
-
Tired now,so
-
It's time to
-
eat ice cream
-
With chocolate sprinkles
-
Anyone :-\
-
<wave> been out for the day ;)
whoops: melted; messy ;D
-
<wave>
Need a bib? ;D
-
flannel: towelling : water
-
Oh no, the
-
water is cold >:(
-
Boiler is broken
-
(how did you know :D ....... ours keeps putting the trip up >:()
chilly bathroom towels
-
Call the plumber
-
He's on holiday 😢
-
Pop round neighbours
Hi LM
-
Hi Dyan.
For a bath?
-
And sneaky look
-
At the new
-
shower unit with
-
Room from two :)
-
And heated cubicle
-
to dry towels
-
Going out now
-
anywhere nice: posh?
-
That new restaurant
-
Michelin 3 stars
-
That famous chef
-
Off the TV
-
You know, thingy
-
Jean Cristophe Novelli ;)
-
Tall, dark, handsome?
-
He sounds nice 💕
-
He is,but
-
There's a problem
-
Il est francais
-
Need a translator
-
He speaks English ;)
-
Oh that's good ;D
-
His brother though,
-
Speaks 10 languages
-
And a millionaire
-
with one leg
-
And a small
-
Mole on his
-
Thumb due to
-
Too much sucking
-
now it's swollen ::)
-
Girls, girls, girls ;D
-
Can't take them anywhere :)
-
blushing to my roots ;D
-
They're always the same
-
They are quiet ;D
-
I'm listening though
-
I hear you
-
Because of my
-
New hearing aid
-
Cost a fortune
-
NHS are free!
-
Not in UK
-
Yes they are! one goes along to the GP who will refer to an audiologist at the ENT Clinic! I was an ENT Secretary.
Oh yes they are (whoops, too early for the Panto season :D )
Hallowen =
-
Where's my broomstick!
-
in the corner
-
Next to the
-
hard hat and
-
the black cat
-
That is stuffed
-
Sits looking out
-
Watching the ducks
-
skidding on ice
-
<wave>
Wearing bobble hats
-
<wave>
and woolly slippers
-
warmer now: cosy
-
Let's order some .....
-
knitting wool, needles …..
-
Make a jumper?
-
Aran: with bobbles
-
<wave> I'm here too!
Tassels and a
-
<wave>
long, cosy, sleeves
-
With mittens too?
-
in contrasting colour?
-
What about booties
-
oh yes please
-
Not for you 😊
-
:-\ OUCH :'(
[not playing anymore ]
-
For the baby
-
due at Christmas
-
Boy or girl
-
one of each
-
They already have
-
2 sets of
-
Quads, all boys
-
John,Paul,Ringo,George
-
Now there's ten.
-
20 pairs of
Hi LM
-
Socks a day
-
fingers, 20 pairs of toes ;)
socks a day = all that darning :o
-
<wave> ;)
Ouch! ****ed my
-
<wave>
left thumb: sore
-
and throbbing,so
-
vodka and ice
-
And a paracetamol.
-
you'll get high :o
-
Let's hope so ::)
-
did you sleep?
-
Like a log😴
-
A chocolate log? ;D
-
melting: blames hot flushes ;D
-
Oh dear,now
-
a chocolate puddle <sigh>
-
Get the mop
-
puppy chasing mop ;D
-
Better than loo roll ;D
-
;D
loo roll shredded ;D
<wave>
-
Need the toilet ???
-
Too much curry?
-
And liquorice allsorts :)
-
;D
neither works for me ::)
-
How about fruit?
-
Nope: onions however >:(
-
Make me cry
-
mascara runs - messy ;D
-
;D panda eyes now >:(
-
Got any wipes?
-
<hands 2 over>
-
They're Andrex ones
-
soft and gentle
-
I like them.
-
My puppy too
-
chews: wags tail
-
And steals my
-
new sheepskin slippers :o
-
To cuddle up
-
in his basket ;D
-
What's that noise?
-
<wave>
gentle snoring, farting :o
-
< wave>
listen!it's coming..........
-
a little woof …….
-
Not OH then ;D
-
:D …….
nope, it's the pup
-
He's stuck in
-
his basket, snoring
-
Due to the
-
The tinsel stuck
-
in his collar
<wave Dyan>
-
< wave CLKD>
and up his :o
-
nostril: causing sneezes ………...
-
Need the tissues
-
Man-sized: better?
-
Yes, thankyou, but .........
-
mascara is running
-
panda eyes now !
-
tissues again: better?
-
No, not really !
-
Warm flannel; soft-towel ;)
-
And some chocolate?
-
Don't like chocolate
-
Packet of crisps?
-
Cheese and onion
-
on buttered roll
-
and HP sauce
-
Are you pregnant? ::)
-
by divine intervention !! ;)
-
It's that time of year :lol:
We 3 Kings ……….
-
of orient are...............
-
Ordering a takeaway
-
:rofl:
pizza, real cheese
-
3 slices please
-
on paper plates
-
no washing up
-
you lazy thing
-
better things to do
-
Going to fairs
-
buying dust collectors ;D
-
For Christmas presents 🎅🎅🎅
-
not as presents ;)
-
What for then?
-
Valentines' surprises: wrapped
-
In red tissue
-
You're very organised
-
Wish I was
-
You could be
-
with a calendar
-
Don't steal one ;D
-
I usually do.
-
January sales shopping
-
And buy everything
-
for all year
-
Then I dont
-
need to worry
-
For 11 months
-
giraffe gestation length?
-
Erm, not sure
-
Longer for elephants
-
;D [oh the mind boggles] …….
longer for elephants - trunk calls today?
-
telling us about
-
Easter eggs - yummy
-
<wave>
Santa comes first ;)
-
Then the Sales
-
<wave>
everything half price
-
Thomson Holiday advert !!
-
Somewhere warm and calm?
-
Oh yes definitely
-
sandy, quiet, UK?
-
Devon,Cornwall or
-
I thought Barbados
-
can't fly, won't ………..
-
Go business class
-
Is it smoother?
-
<wave Dyan>
still can't, won't
-
Not smoother just better
-
can't, won't, :sick02:
-
< wave> CLKD
Is sailing better?
-
;D :-X
Is sailing better?
Use The Channel Tunnel
-
Let's do that
-
Switzerland: Alps, Snow
-
I'll start packing
-
leg warmers in?
-
Yes, and the
-
ice-skate blades
-
couldn't do that
-
you could try
-
Fell over once :o
-
did it hurt
-
I saw stars ::)
-
Anybody we know?
-
:rofl:
Craig and Bruno :-*
-
They were going
-
tap dancing with
-
Judi & Julie
-
in pink tights
-
And a tutu
-
:lol:
.. tutu - with lace and frills!
-
A pretty hairband
-
with ostrich feather
-
Going to sneeze
-
grab the Kleenex
<wave Dyan>
-
<wave CLKD>
Super soft ones
-
Bless you! better?
-
Absolutely fine now.
-
Reading, writing, crosswords?
-
No, eating chocolates :)
-
That's early LM :o
-
Always start early ;)
-
never too early
-
chocolate for breakfast ;D
-
New Years resolution ;)
-
breakfast - 9.45 a.m. ;)
-
Followed by Elevenses...
-
And chocolate digestives
-
Chocolate hob nob
-
Going off chocolate.
-
Eaten too many?
-
tasted good though
-
Three boxes left!
-
They will keep!
[I have a HUGE box to tackle through the Spring - will leave opening it until we are gardening proper, then we can have 1 with our morning coffee, 1 for 'pudding', another mid-afternoon ;)]
-
eat them now :)
-
Shall we help?
-
No, all mine ;D
-
:'( just one then
-
Please, just one
-
<wave>
box still closed ;)
-
You'll get fat
-
nope: lid closed ;D
-
<wave> CLKD & LM
Open it again!
-
not open yet
[once it is, we will pick and pick and :P ]
-
Off to the shops
-
for something healthy
-
So I can
-
eat 5 a day
-
5 Blueberry muffins ;D
-
:rofl:
with fresh creme
-
And grated chocolate
<wave>
-
>wave<
and grated chocolate = melted gently with
-
A splash of Baileys
-
Oh yummy, sticky ;D
-
What now then?
-
warm soapy water ;D
-
No hot water :(
-
boil the kettle ::)
-
Need a bath
-
yellow rubber duck
-
Has gone missing
-
Absent without leave
-
found him: hiding ;D
-
From the cat
-
Who thinks it's......
-
lunch with feathers
<wave>
-
<wave>
and a squeak ;D
-
no that's a mouse ;D
-
Er,oh yeah ;D
-
;D
We agree then?
-
Yes we do ;D
-
That's great news!
-
Pleased about that :)
-
Did you sleep?
-
Not a wink
-
nor a snore ?
-
Nope, a dream.......
-
busy, muddled, interesting? >wave<
-
<wave>
Exactly like that
-
do you remember?
-
don't want to
-
get up early ;D
-
;D cuppa first though ;D
-
and a biscuit
-
washing up done
-
Windows are next
-
cleaning windows *this* early :D
-
Inside not out :)
-
upstairs and down?
-
Oh yes definitely
-
but it's Sunday
-
and its cold ;D
-
The heating is on
-
is it snowing?
-
not yet, phew!
-
Bought a shovel
-
a folding type?
-
and some salt?
-
for my boiled egg
-
And bread soldiers
-
With marmite on.
-
that sounds good
-
washing up done!
-
Might go out
-
brisk walk where?
-
To the pub!
-
roaring fire, marshmallows
-
Hot toddys anyone?
-
yes please: ohhhhh :-*
-
just taken my
-
gloves and hat off
-
<wave>
Hot flush brewing :hotflash:
-
>hi there!<
strip off everything?
-
Ahh, that's better!
-
waves fan, cooling
-
long cold drink
-
with straw: aaahhh
-
On a beach
-
In the Caribbean
-
White sandy beaches [did anyone watch buying a house in Cuba during the week?]
-
Enjoying a cocktail (didn't see it)
-
with straw, umbrella, ice?
-
From handsome waiter ;)
-
wearing shorts and?
-
Some trendy flip-flops
-
sand between toes
-
I hate that >:(
-
Happy-hour starts soon
-
Early for a Sunday ;D
-
Never too early !
-
We're on holiday
-
enjoying all inclusive
-
Lots of 🍷&🍰
-
I second that ;D
Hi LM
-
brisk walk required ;)
-
Will be soon
<wave>
-
going where exactly?
-
Out and about
-
wrap up warm!
-
It's 78 degrees ☀️
-
Not here it ain't ;D
-
We're in the Caribbean
-
[really?]
watching the sunshine
-
Sink slowly down
-
soft darkness; peace
-
Can't sleep: frogs 🐸
-
;D
croacking; hopping; purring
-
Jumping on top
-
of each other
>wave<
-
<wave>
Making a mess
-
with spawn and weed
-
Now they're inside
-
keeping warm and
-
watching wildlife programme
<wave>
-
>wave back <
David Attenborough, Simon King?
-
The Frog Prince
-
;D
kiss, kiss, :o
-
Spell is broken.
-
good or bad
Hiya!
-
Hi ya!
Good of course ;)
-
The question was ;D
-
I'm lost now ;D
-
;D
I've been lost for years
-
Need a map
-
and a compass?
-
walking boots on!
-
Got the sandwiches?
-
and the flask
-
Full of gin
-
;D
a mug each
-
crystal glasses please
-
Only got plastic
-
saves washing up
-
early 2-morrow?
-
Not too early ::)
-
Meet you on Mam Tor 8)
-
Is it far?
-
Where are you ;D [Derbyshire, good views across Hope Valley, gentle strolls]
-
I'm in Iceland
-
Good sunsets? cold?
-
Will you see.......?
-
We've seen everything
-
home now then ?
-
Yes for now
-
washing to do?
-
No, all done 😃
-
Where to next?
-
New York I think
-
them, perhaps Australia
-
for spelling lessons!!
-
;D. Blame predictive text
-
never my fingers ;D
-
Your toes then? ;D
<wave>
-
>hello!<
very hairy though :P
-
I'm blaming hormones !
-
Mine are genetic ;D
-
Pluck or wax? :o
-
Leave well alone ;)
-
Otherwise it will
-
Hurt; be sore :(
-
then start itching
-
No more cream
-
on hairy toes ;D
-
makes it grow ;D
-
black, long, hairy :o
-
full body wax ?
-
OUCH: no thanks ;D
-
Use OH razor?
-
;D
I wouldn't dare ;)
>wave<
-
would he notice?
-
nah, he's male.
-
Doesn't notice when.........
-
I buy clothes
-
oh: mine does ::)
-
I buy loads ;)
-
And tell him
-
to buy new
-
Underpants because his.....
-
are grey, holey!
-
Socks are too
-
start knitting then ;D
-
Can't knit,crochet
-
can't do either ::) [nor do I want to ! ]
-
But I can..........
-
sing and dance :D
-
while spinning plates
-
and drinking wine
-
makes me sleep
-
For 12 hours
-
Wakes slowly, stretching
-
like a cat
-
On hot bricks
-
instead of a hot water bottle ;)
-
Now for some
-
brisk moonlight walking
-
Star gazing and.........
-
dreaming, is enchanting
-
shooting stars: :o
-
<Morning>
Make a wish
-
<yep - arrived again in a dull haze>
only 1 wish?
-
Make it 3 (each)
You're not feeling so good today?
-
Allergic rhinitis symptoms - itchy, itchy, itchy ……. even though DH has given our bedroom a Very Thorough Hoovering and we have non-allergic pillows and protectors ……. whoops wrong thread [It's that Old Woman again ;D]
quiet, secret, wishes ;)
-
:hug:
Don't tell anyone
-
until they come true :bounce:
-
tell the world :D
-
whistles, bells, bunting :cancan:
-
let's all celebrate ;D
-
not outdoors: raining ::)
-
a desert island... :)
-
warm sunshine then
-
waves, gently lapping
-
seagulls gently pooping :o
-
and eating chips
-
what the seagulls eating chips ;D
and eating chips - in newspaper: vinegar?
-
And curry sauce
-
where's the Rennies?
-
Under the bed
-
with the fluff
-
Hoover is broken
-
brush and dustpan ;D
-
Look out for.....
-
very large spiders ;) [DH let one go from a duster yesterday and it ran under his foot, as he put the foot down :o]
-
Ooops :o
with hairy legs ;D
-
….. and large bootees
-
Ouch! That hurt! :o
-
Cuticura ointment: applied ;)
-
That's better now
-
PHEW! ;) cuppa?
-
And choccie biccie
-
No biscuits. Weight watchers?
-
Hi LM
Count the points
-
Hi Dyan
Had 40 today
-
Too many then?
-
Is that biscuits :o ;D
-
;D it could be
-
>wave<
it could be - covered in cream :P
-
<wave>
Sprinkled with chocolate
-
You are obsessed. :)
-
both of us ;)
-
Let's have fruit
-
sweet, sitcky, mangoes :-*
-
Melon and grapes
-
pass a flannel ;D
-
all clean now
-
What now then?
-
Let's open a
-
big bar chocolate
-
with soft centre
-
With strawberry filling?
-
nice coffee cream
-
Will you share?
-
Don't be silly ::)
-
i need it
-
No you don't. :)
-
i want it :-\
-
remember, it's fattening
-
too much is ;)
-
Best not having any.
-
Lid tight shut?
-
a tiny square ?
-
No: pretty patio ;)
-
with potted flowers :)
-
lavender; rosemary; hellebores
-
lovely smelling lavender
-
lemons for gin ;)
-
gin and tonic :-\
-
drinking one now :drunk:
-
YUK: not gin :D
-
just like perfume :sick02:
-
;D …….. fresh air then!
-
cures all ills
-
brisk walks tomorrow
-
warm, sunny tomorrow
-
shall we meet ;D
-
and walk together ;D
-
watching the lambs
-
bouncing round daffodils
-
Are poisonous to cats
-
Didn't know that
-
And to humans.
-
never tasted one
-
wouldnt want to
-
chocolate Roses instead
-
All on diets >:(
-
i am not ;D
-
not chocolate again ;D
-
lets talk cheese
-
Stilton whey beer?
-
Like plain cheese
-
what's plain cheese …….. :-\
-
Cheshire, cheddar, Edam
-
pickled onion cheese
-
can't eat onions
-
cheddar with apricots :-\
-
no thanks: Brie?
-
dont mind that
-
Glass of wine?
-
a nice Shiraz
-
gives me headache :(
-
What about Champagne?
-
only like spumante
-
Gin & Tonic?
-
brandy and babycham
-
Ohh. Ok then.
-
ready for another :-\
-
prefer grapes neat ;)
-
with some cheese
-
oh, a picnic :ola:
-
woods or sea :-\
-
by the sea [well wrapped up ;D ]
-
smell sea salt
-
brisk beach walk
-
blow away cobwebs
-
cure the hangover
-
Then cream tea
-
Then the shops?
-
what to buy ?
-
Some summer clothes
-
shorts and t shirts
-
For my holidays
-
cycling across Suffolk ?
-
sounds hard work
-
2 miles per day?
-
thats ok then
-
stops 4 ice-cream ;)
-
and cool drinks
-
Need a tan
-
from a bottle ?
-
Maybe, want sun
-
go to spain :-\
-
Going to Portugal
-
oooh how soon
-
Not booked yet
-
neither have we
-
cycled very far ;D
-
to many stops
-
bath time now!
-
for aching legs enjoy
-
[oh I will]
lots of bubbles
-
like in aero
-
;D
now I'm hungry ::)
-
aero in bath ;D ;D
-
that's not what DH calls the bubbles ;D
chocolate flake: remember [advert]
-
crumbliest, flakiest chocolate (you in bath ? )
-
[oh you do remember the advert ;D they were good they were - not yet! watching Boy George ]
covered in cream
-
what boy george ;D
-
:rofl: - not yet but it probably won't be long before someone throws a hissy fit ::)
right, off for my bath - night night
-
;D night
-
Good morning all! :)
-
morning to you
-
Today I'm going
-
to garden; lots!
-
Got sore knees
-
jeans knees muddied
-
they will wash ;)
-
You do them?
-
course i will
-
<hands over jeans> ;)
-
want them ironed ?
-
thanks: dried yet?
-
nearly not quite
-
by the morning?
-
they will be
-
ready to wear
-
oh yes perfect
-
with pretty jacket
-
and a scarf
-
And my heels
-
hurt my back
-
flats: slippers even? ;)
-
Might be raining :-\
-
comfy trainers then
-
with pink laces?
-
pink liquorice laces ?
-
liquorice is black
-
red liquorice laces
-
laces - all knotted :o
-
oh no how ?
-
fingers and thumbs!
-
all mixed up
-
in slippers now ;D
-
me in crocs
-
In what colour
-
they are purple
-
Match your carpet?
-
no dark grey
-
50 shades of ?
-
grey and black
-
not bruising; how?
[are crocs any good]
-
no bruising no
(of all the expensive shoes i have bought for the sake of my back, i find crocs the best for easing the pain in my hips, i know they are not pretty, but when you put them on it feels like walking on air, makes you bounce )
-
no bruising no = no massage required?
[may treat myself to some bright pink crocs for the Summer ;) ]
-
soak in bath
(if you can try crocs do, everyone i give mine too to try, are amazed they are like marshmallows under feet very bright colours)
-
:thankyou:
soak in bath - with bubbles and magazine?
-
warm salt water ;D
-
warm bath towel
-
soft and fluffy
-
But with holes
-
oh no holes
-
nor in mine
-
white and bright
-
White Rabbit's ears
-
alice in wonderland
-
did you read it?
-
many years ago
-
many years ago - there was an ogre ::)
-
a scary one
-
who ate bananas ……..
-
in banoffee pie
-
ooooohhhh - sadly the Restraurant where this 'pie' was designed has closed down, family retired
with tasty crust
-
make your own ?
-
Yes I have
-
It was disgusting
-
Far too sweet.
-
Feel sick now
-
better? any left?
-
Don't be greedy.
-
;D
I like the pie!
-
(that's four!!)
Who ate them?
-
:-X ……… not telling
-
(that's only two)
You keep secrets.
-
no: secrets destroy ……
[where's the 4 and 2 from :-\ ]
-
My NYears resolution. She is talking about how many words you used
-
:thankyou: it's an 'ish' 2/3/4 ;)
No Resolutions: busy
-
You are a rebel :valkyrie:
(ok, so that's four)
-
Who me? No....
-
Yes because yesterday
-
you said so
-
much about Spring
-
daffs and tulips
-
bees, frogs, butterflies
-
hyacinths smell nice
-
;D - not in this house, we have 2 plants and the perfume is over-whelming ::) ………
but very strongly!
-
too strong then
-
very: plus narcissi ::)
-
carnations ok then
-
lovely colours too!
-
yellow white pink
-
Look! A rainbow!
-
make a wish
-
star light, star bright
-
Won't you make.........
-
Something for tea
-
DH did that :-*
-
your very lucky :)
-
Yes I am
-
in different ways
-
which shows hs
-
Fondness for the
-
all things lovely
-
Like me ::)
-
and lots of
-
fish, chips, peas :D
-
bread and butter
-
And some ketchup
-
Followed by a
-
4 mile run
-
:rofl: :lol: :whist:
too cold for shorts
-
run a bath
-
with bubbles and
-
Some nice candles
-
warm, soft, towels
-
cool fresh bed
-
Watching a film
-
and dozing off
-
still snoring gently
-
Be so lucky !
-
to win Lottery
-
And buy some
-
sunshine holiday breaks
-
Italian Lakes beckons ;)
-
Just one cornetto
-
oh yes please
-
It's too cold
-
bowl of soup
-
And a cornetto?
-
no Cornetto - thanks
-
I'll have it
-
You're very welcome ;D
-
Now for some
-
chocolate chip toppings
>wave Dyan<
-
<wave CLKD>
Mixed with a
-
light whipped cream
-
Strawberries and sugar
-
Wimbledon - already :o
-
No tickets 2015 :-\
-
Go where then?
-
Maybe UK GP
-
Cars or motorbikes ;) [Rossi or ….. ]
-
Mercedes Lewis Hamilton
-
Go Lewis Go !
-
Prefer touring cars
-
prefer touring caravan
-
Fun in sun 8)
-
Been nice today
-
Cleaned the windows
-
Lots of gardening
-
Aching this morning ;D
-
Need a massage ::) :o
-
Booked next Friday ;)
-
Then after I'm
-
having a facial
-
and a pedicure
-
Pink toe nails?
-
sun tanned feet
-
Because of the
-
lovely sunny weather
-
Next week I'm
-
start spring clean
-
of the garden shed
-
move the rubbish
-
release the spiders
-
It needs painting
-
get brush out
-
yard broom or paint brush?
-
both of them
-
ambidextrous then?
-
not really no ;D
-
Can you paint?
-
pictures or walls ?
-
Walls and woodwork
-
years ago yes
-
Not now, because
-
it is so boring >yawn<
-
And I've money
-
To hire a
-
really good decorator
-
Really good doctor ;D
-
cant find one :-\
-
Use sugar soap ?
-
clkd ?? :-\
-
DIY decorating ::) - washing down walls with sugar soap
-
;D with you now
sugar soap wouldnt taste nice
-
You tasted it? ::)
-
never: only chocolate
-
Also like crisps
-
cheese and onion
-
Cheese and chive
-
salt and vinegar
-
Like low fat
-
not so greasy
-
Only 85 calories
-
2 packs then ;D
-
;D. Oh, ok then
-
just this once ;)
-
And some wine
-
and maybe cheese :-\
-
Low fat cheese?
-
is it rubbery ?
-
It might be
-
strong cheddar then
-
And some crackers?
-
and some pickle
-
Kitchen roll anyone ;D
-
are we messy :-\
-
sticky, grubby: bath-time !
-
lovely relaxing bath :)
-
And more wine
-
iam tired now
-
Power nap then
-
too late now :(
-
early night then?
-
good idea that
-
we have sunshine
-
i am froze :(
-
More layers then?
-
maybe hot bath :-\
-
lots of bubbles ;)
-
just done that :)
-
warm towel: dried?
-
Fake tan applied
-
even all over ;D
-
Yes, looks good
-
always goes patchy >:(
-
Mine never does
-
which 1 is that :-\
-
It's a Loreal one
-
spray or lotion
-
It's a lotion
-
exfoliate first then :-\
-
Life's too short ;D
-
for many things ;)
-
Let's go abroad
-
oh yes please :)
-
Any ideas where
-
somewhere hot sunny
-
How about Miami
-
its a long way :-\
-
Go first class?
-
would love to ;D
-
Scotland for me :)
-
We want sunshine
-
warm sea, sand
-
Isle of Skye?
-
is it hot :-\
-
in fine weather ;)
(we were there 9 years ago and had 4 fabUlous days …….. the next week the main road was washed away ::)
-
a nice beach :-\
-
wild, quiet, beautiful
-
you or beach ;D
-
:rofl: :lol: :whist:
beach: shall we?
-
yes and swim
-
bright blue cossie
-
flowery swimming cap ;D
-
;D my Mum had one it was great ::)
clear plastic glasses (oh we know how to live :D )
-
rubber sand shoes :-\
-
stops crabs nibbling toes ;)
-
nibble crab sandwhich
-
Nope: that's husband's choice ;)
-
whats your sandwich :-\
-
smashed egg on brown
-
mmm any mayo
-
Tuna and sweet corn
-
chicken sweetcorn mayo
-
Bacon lettuce and tomato
-
bacon mushroom ketchup
-
On a sandwich?
-
Bit messy though
-
yes but tasty
-
HP on toast?
-
never tried it :-\
-
I love it
-
must try it
-
Going out tonight?
-
Italian at home :-\
-
Let's go to Italy
-
I fancy Positano
-
Ok, let's go
-
Wait a minute!
-
Why? What's wrong?
-
she not packed ;D
-
Turn back time
-
ok to when
-
An hour ago
-
thats not long
-
enough for us
-
to do what
-
Pack the suitcases
-
dont forget anything
-
Got a list
-
usually loose lists ;D
-
I'm very organised ::)
-
used to be :-\
-
You can again!
-
Don't forget the
-
Dollars, because we're
-
off to America :-\
-
Universal studios and
-
All that shopping!
-
loads of dollars
-
On new clothes
-
shoes and bags
-
And nice underwear
-
what about pefume
-
Got no room
-
oh why not
-
Full of bargains
-
To bring home
-
for our friends
-
Buy another suitcase?
-
too much weight
-
Just described me ! ;D
-
and me too ;D
-
Count me in ;D
-
We're all overweight?
-
A few pounds
Hi LM
-
not just me ;D
-
No more chocolate. :'(
-
cheese crisps bread :-\
-
Oh god no. :)
-
just salad then :(
-
Followed by a
-
Fresh fruit salad.
-
a bit of cream ;D
-
No cream allowed
-
oooh what then
-
ten chocolate donuts
-
thats more like it :cupcake:
-
Ok let's eat
-
What you having?
-
Bowl honeynut cornflakes !
-
just 'juicing' today
-
A cheese sandwich
-
cottage pie veg
-
Had a dessert?
-
no not dessert :(
-
Thats not cricket ! ;D
-
your so right ;D
-
Not wrong then?
-
iam never wrong ;D ;D
-
Nor me either :rofl:
-
good aint it ;D
-
Hubby's never wrong ::)
-
; Arn't all men ( mine included)
-
think they are ;D
-
Not in their head :)
-
Where then, in
-
:-\
-
confused ;D
-
Aren't we all
-
all the time
-
Especially on Mondays
-
in the mornings
-
Fine by Tuesday
-
fine and sunny
-
There's a breeze
-
it's warm today
>wave Dyan<
-
it keeps raining >:(
-
seasonal weather then ;D
-
April showers today
-
bit late: it's May ;)
-
Pole dancing then ::)
-
;D : with ribbons
-
and bells on
< wave>
-
>wave<
Morris men available?
-
for today only
-
in the sale
-
ribbons, bells, hats
-
all half price
-
oh the noise ;D
-
Buy ear muffs ;D
-
red fluffy ones ;D
>wave<
-
Matching gloves too?
-
is it that cold?
-
yes no sun :(
-
dark now: chilly!
-
warmer next week :)
-
Warm out today
-
makes a lovely change!
>Dyan<
-
Hot and sticky ;D
-
mustard glazed sausages
-
On a roll
-
brown or white?
-
Oh white. Ketchup?
-
Nope. SO sticky ;D
-
< wave> CLKD
baby wipe please
-
>Dyan<
hands 2 over ;)
-
Thanks very much :)
-
clean again now?
-
What's next then
-
bath, cuppa, bed
-
no supper then :-\
-
Not tonight because
-
you not hungry
-
After that Lunch!
-
Double pudding too
-
bet your full :)
-
Don't feel well
-
need a bowl?
-
to soak feet ?
-
And then moisturise
-
clip your nails
-
Next, nail polish
-
Plain or french ?
-
pretty pink
-
With my suntan
-
will look lovely
-
I know ::)
-
good for you :)
-
Hair colour next
-
Purple I think
-
with green streaks?
-
No, just purple
-
orange coloured jacket?
-
Yes, in leather
-
with black trim?
-
Indeed, from Selfridges
-
biker style maybe
-
with matching trousers?
-
a bit sweaty
-
denim jeans then?
-
yea faded, bleached
-
(do you remember running into the sea or laying in a bath to shrink them?)
smart: with boots?
-
(lying in the bath with levis till my legs went blue ;D)
worn with sandals
-
( ;D I wasn't allowed jeans :-\ )
painted toe nails?
-
colour to match
-
(so we have purple hair and an orange leather biker jacket)
crimson: with glitter?
-
sounds good CLKD ;D
-
takes ages to dry :D
-
Put fan on
-
that's better: pretty 8)
-
a bit christmas
-
You can't mention C********
-
oops silly me ;D
-
far too early ;D
-
you are right ::)
-
Summer sunshine first
-
i do hope so
-
T-shirts, shorts, sandals?
-
and sun glasses
-
sun tan lotion
-
A few cocktails?
-
Non alcoholic ones
-
Alcoholic for me ::)
-
what's the point :-\
-
they taste nice :-\
-
so does milk-shake
-
But no alcohol ;)
-
I don't drink ;)
-
You could try ;D
-
oh no I won't (oh yes you will ;D - whoops 7 months too early :D )
-
i wont either :)
-
not today: tomorrow?
-
not at all :sick02:
-
nor bungee jump :o
-
few years ago ;D
-
Cuppa tea better ;)
-
cant beat cuppa :)
-
you jumped :o why?
-
no, would have
-
not for me!
-
to anxious now :(
-
jogging then; lycra?
-
:o tummy too wobbly
-
;D
burka: all covered ;)
-
sounds good yes ;D
-
But the suntan?
-
aww, no suntan :'(
-
too chilly today >:(
-
very cool wind :(
-
frost tonight? Brrrr
-
hope not here
-
hope not here!
(too many tender plants in the garden ::) )
-
yep tomato plants :(
-
pelagoniums, fuchsias - tender
-
no frost then
-
none: bright sunshine
-
Raining here. Cold
-
Hot and sunny 8)
-
warm and sultry
-
warm but windy
-
Show offs >:(
-
didnt mean to
-
Sure about that? ;D
-
but of course ;)
-
Ok, what now?
-
we behave now ;D
-
Don't want to ;D
-
Well you must.
-
Someone coming round?
-
oh hope not
-
Yes, the neighbours
-
no not tonight
-
locked the door ;D
-
They have keys
-
Not to our house ;)
-
no nor ours ;D
-
they have gone now
-
sigh of relief :)
-
running round naked
-
Noooo, they're back
-
Curtains closed then :D
-
they're a pain >:(
-
what, the curtains?
-
no the neighbours ;D
-
:D : move house?
-
Have no money
-
virtual move: no spend ;D
-
a nice idea ;D
-
with swimming pool
-
yes please heavenly :)
-
Want a balcony
-
ooh that too
-
with wine: strawberries
-
cream and chocolate
-
full up now!
-
over done it :-\
-
go to bed ?
-
yes think so :)
-
Sun is shining
-
very windy though
-
very black clouds :(
-
its gonna rain :(
-
clouds went over :bounce:
-
not this way :)
-
Need to iron
-
is it necessary :-\
-
No it's not!
-
leave it then
-
Hiya!
Watch movie instead
-
thats good idea
-
>wave<
with wine and nibbles?
-
More wine! Go on then :)
-
gives me headache :(
-
Thought of sex !
:rofl:
-
thought of that too ;D
-
what's sex again :-\
-
some happy memories ;)
-
yep: more later ;)
-
in your dreams :-\
-
hopefully not: bath-time
-
relax and doze
-
how did you guess ;D
-
Ah, not telling ;D
-
Nor will I
>wave Dyan<
-
<wave CLKD>
Our secret then ;)
-
don't tell: busy?
-
busy doing what
-
working the whole day through :whist:
sorry, got an ear worm now ;D
-
For little pay
-
and no thanks >:(
-
need to be valued!
-
we all do
-
I totally agree
-
everyone of us
-
I can sing
-
tone deaf me ;D
-
you can listen ;D
-
i like that :)
-
Shall I sing ?
-
please which song ?
-
Kumba Ya ? ready?
-
oh happy memories :)
-
round camp fires?
-
yes girl guides
-
I was too naughty :-X
-
so was i ;D (sea scouts in next camp ) :rofl:
-
:rofl:
no camping tonight!
-
not tonight no ;)
-
end of June (for us)
-
couple of months(maybe ) ;D
-
till it gets warmer ::)
-
no too warm :hotflash:
-
gentle; soothing breeze
-
with warm sun
-
dabble toes in stream
-
While eating iceceream
-
With raspberry sauce
-
And a flake
-
and a wafer
-
Wafer thin mint
-
dark chocolate one :-\
-
only after eight ;D
-
thats my favorite
-
can eat loads
-
a whole box ;D
-
<wave>
You won't share?
-
you gotta hurry ;D
-
I nibble them
-
i just cant :o
-
You could try
-
cant help myself
-
Discipline my girl :)
-
sounds like dad ;D
-
For me, mother >:(
-
the question is? :D
-
What's for tea.
-
see other thread ;D
-
allsorts of threads
-
what's cooking tonight?
-
5 course meal
-
you'll be full :)
-
Might be :sick02:
-
you feel ill :-\
-
:) not yet
-
nicely full then
-
feet up; chilling
-
Want chocolate now
-
box or bar
-
Fancy some maltesers
-
lots of them :)
-
A small box :)
-
are you sharing :-\
-
nope: chocolate fingers
-
And the maltesers?
-
oh yes please
-
sticky; messy; goooey :D
-
:) sounds great
-
lick your fingers :)
-
Can't. Been gardening
-
not wet there?
-
Yes very wet
-
gardening: in the greenhouse?
-
No. Use waterproofs
-
Bright yellow PVC?
-
:). You been spying?
-
No: I have experience ;D (but was still in my slippers ::) )
-
Hate the rain :(
-
wet and miserable :(
-
Want the sun :(
-
maybe some tomorrow :-\
-
chillier but dry
-
Don't like rain
-
our frogs do
-
jumping in puddles
-
In their wellies
-
avoiding the cat
-
And her kittens
-
bowls of milk
-
Splashing all over.........
-
wet patio now!
-
will soon dry
-
in this :sunny:
>wave Kerrieann>
-
yea sunshine lovely
<wave clkd :)>
-
Got a tan?
-
not much, you ?
-
Nearly all over ! 8)
-
what :o in uk
-
Abroad in april ;)
-
Yorkshire next week !
-
Will be lovely
-
hot sunny dry
-
are U sure?
-
hopeful for you ;)
-
:thankyou: - hopefully warm!
-
warm and dry
-
Dull and wet 😔
-
warmer; lazy day
-
nice relaxed day
-
feet up: Ascot
-
same, river cottage
<wave clkd>
-
>wave<
last Ascot race
-
did you enjoy
-
yep: Frankie won :-*
-
well done frankie
-
did his winning Jump :o
-
he's fit then
-
and rich: Italian :-*
-
like the food
-
And the country
-
sun, scenery, lakes
-
Venice is amazing.
-
lots of canals
-
gondoliers and gondolas ;)
-
ice cream yummy
-
with chocolate flake
-
and chocolate sauce
-
dirty dish and spoon :o
-
Also had pizza 🍕
-
and garlic bread
-
smelly breath now?
-
must clean teeth :o
-
with a lump of coal?
-
or some soot ;D
-
black teeth now?
-
oh yes very :o
-
Good for acting!
-
yep old woman :(
-
less make-up required ;D
-
the real me :o
-
don't look in the mirror ;D ( I do but don't actually see who is staring back ::) )
-
its not me ;D
-
it's my Mother :o
-
its my grandmother :o
-
who was lovely
-
Me again then
:rofl:
-
;D
If you like
-
or maybe not :-\
-
Make a decision :)
-
I'm out of bed :D
-
and in shower :-\
-
dried: powdered: clean
-
Ready to go!
-
Far too hot :o
-
Take a fan
-
Chinese paper: pretty
-
Chinese lanterns pretty
-
Whoops: paper split!
-
oh no tape :-\
-
mended now: wafting
-
Need a fan
-
an electric one
-
Any will do
-
pretty bamboo one
-
With oriental picture
-
an oriental lady
-
Is at the door
-
playing a violin
-
She wants money
-
have to hide
-
She's gone now
-
To the back door
-
Nope: no sign!
-
She's behind the bush
-
why she hiding :-\
-
To catch us out
-
i'll hide again ;D
-
;D under the bed?
-
she's not *there* ::)
-
there she is
-
I see her
-
What's she doing?
-
picking her nose ;D
-
the dirty cat
-
Give it a..........
-
a good slap
-
It's upset now
-
oh so sorry :(
-
not to worry
-
Fast asleep now
-
Alarm's going off
-
Oooh, hunky fireman ;)
-
Where's my lipstick
-
and my camisole?
-
In the wash :(
-
Does anybody know the difference please between utrogestan and cyclogest are they the same ???
-
Whoops - can't help with HRT ………. you could ask in a separate thread so that your query doesn't get missed ;)
-
In the wash........
With red socks ::) :o
-
;D
everything pink now?
-
very bright pink :o
-
it will fade
-
like all memories
-
not all: dreams?
-
I'm a dreamer
-
for Lottery win ;)
-
oh if only
-
have spent it ;)
-
what gone already :o
-
Yep: camper van ;D
-
well worth it :)
-
so far: touring
-
travel
-
in the sunshine :)
-
and the rain :-\
-
With the brolly
-
and the wellies
-
Pub lunch then?
-
would love to
-
Starter, main & wine?
-
And afternoon snooze
-
in the sun
-
Factor 20 needed
-
to stop burning
-
Got strap marks :-\
-
stop worrying: drink! :drunklaf:
-
lots of water
-
lemon and ice?
-
cool and refreshing
-
feet up, chatting
-
relaxed and happy
-
dozing; snoring; nudge !
-
you dribbling too ;D
-
Need a walk
-
steady or power
-
steady: yep, I dribble ;D
-
a steady stroll
(me too embarrassing if in public ;D)
-
Around the park
-
swings and slides
-
sand pit, lollies
-
Feeding the ducks
-
those carefree days
-
Where've they gone?
-
they're lost forever :'(
-
Oh. Now what?
-
Make a wish
-
upon a star
-
for warm sunshine
-
and no rain
-
Because my new
-
Bikini has a.......
-
very thin strap
-
It keeps snapping ::)
-
boot laces then?
-
Yes. Got any?
-
Black or tan?
-
Oh definitely black
-
laces long enough?
-
I'm only small
-
Tie them twice?
-
< wave CLKD>
with double knot
-
:-\ helloooooooooo
-
My feet hurt
-
Hi LM
Too much shopping? ;D
-
antiques: bought lots (see other thread)
-
Spent tons of money
-
I want to!
-
Why not then?
-
shops are shut ;D
-
Shopping online then?
-
With a cuppa
-
nearly lunch time :o
-
Tummy is rumbling
<wave CLKD>
-
>not much to do Dyan ;D <
Salad and ham?
-
Been shopping first thing so taking a break now.Gardening this afternoon.
with bread roll
-
butter on the roll?
(what did you buy?)
-
Nice and thick
Took something back and exchanged for a nice top.
Jeans for DD, coffee & scones in M&S.
-
OOOH sounds a great morning had!
that's me on a good day ;D
-
Good day today?
-
So far :thankyou:
-
so good,hey! ;D
-
>wave<
hay - for horses :D
-
<wave>
Not that hay ;D
-
Hey! You OK?
-
absolutely fine: you?
-
Will be.....when.....
-
This weeks over
-
You'll never guess!!!!! :o
-
parcel arrived safely?
-
No, I think............
-
toenails painted purple :D
-
yes,lovely idea ;)
-
with sparkles: pretty
-
Finger nails next
-
A sexy red?
-
dry yet? pretty?
-
Night out then?
-
what time: 10.30?
-
Hope that's am......
-
:rofl:
could be: cafe?
-
Coffee and cake ;)
-
black T 2 sugars
-
Onward and upwards
-
To our goal
-
I'm here! you?
-
Over the Rainbow 🌈
-
;D
with the Munchins?
-
And the fairies
-
bottom of the garden?
-
Under the toadstool 👀
-
singing and humming
-
Sheltering from rain :(
-
not cold though
-
Still wearing my
-
pink nail varnish
-
Since last year
-
not chipped yet?
-
No it's marvellous
-
Cost a fortune !!
-
It matches the
-
New bathroom suite
-
installed this week
-
Oh! It's leaking
-
Into the hall
-
Need a plumber
-
quick. My new
-
Knickers are getting.......
-
Wet. They cost ......
-
A weeks wages :o
-
£450. A pair
-
of Chippendale chairs
-
Are also ruined
-
wood burner then?
-
Oh yes definitely
-
marshmallows later: warmed?
-
Crumpets with butter ?
-
much better idea ;)
-
there's nothing nicer
-
Mmmm milk chocolate !!
-
over chocolate cake
-
Aren't you dieting. Hi Dyan
-
Starts next Monday ;)
-
Hi LM
I'm going on
-
A holiday because.....
-
the :sunny: is warm
-
The sea is blue
'Song'
-
And I'm pale
-
remember sun screen
-
Don't have any
-
Sit in shade?
-
Want a tan
-
Spray tan alright?
-
Is it free?
-
Now that depends ;)
-
Ok. On what?
-
It's gone streaky >:(
-
Zebra crossing stripes
-
Boo :o anyone there?
-
Made me jump :rant: :na:
-
Hi there ellie ;D
-
Hi Dyan, let's .......
-
go out for......
-
A country walk 🍀🌷🌾🌲
-
with the dog
-
" Look a rabbit "🐰
-
;D
white scut; running
-
There's a fox!!!!
-
running away: fast
-
Because he's seen............
-
a black cloud
-
He's frightened because..
-
he'll get wet
-
thunder scares him
-
big lightening strikes !
-
Such a wimp >:(
-
survival tactics! dusk
-
Under cover now
-
shaking with fear
-
Need a drink
-
a cuppa tea :)
-
With 2 sugars
-
And a biscuit
-
Garibaldi? dunked? messy ;D
-
It's sunk now ....
-
Quick,get a
-
Spoon and try.......
-
Nooo, too late
-
Let's raid the.........
-
pantry for borbons ;)
-
You mean biscuits?
-
Or bonbon sweets?
-
Or bourbon whisky?
-
whisky will do ;)
-
Double or single ?
-
Cream & strawberries
-
Sprinkled with chocolate
-
Right. What next?
-
Nothing, I'm full
-
Let's go to.....
-
the picture and
-
snooze through the film?
-
£14 entrance fee!!
-
We'll sneak in ::)
-
Ok. In disguise?
-
Via the fire door?
-
and watch 'Casablanca'
-
Again because we......
-
... can't remember it
-
;D. Then we go
-
To get chips
-
for the casino
-
Fancy a gamble
-
only if *I* win
-
Feeling lucky tonight
-
... best underwear on ;)
-
Or off! Oopssss 😳
-
nah, off's better ;D
-
But I'm 'wobbly' ... :boobs:
-
with dark chocolate
-
wobble is good ;D
-
Even jelly belly? ;D
-
even more so!
-
Lights on or.....
-
..off, lets celebrate! :bouncing:
-
It's baby time !!!
-
No, not again
-
said the whale (and if anybody gets what I am referring to then :clapping: )
-
of a time
-
;D and nope, let me in on the secret ;-)
of a time - lots of fun
-
... at the fair
-
yellow candy floss?
-
I like pink
-
>wave Dyan<
messy, sticky, grubby ;D
-
describes the petunias (and there is the second reference)
-
Haven't got those
-
Douglas Adams did
-
42; Ford, Bebblebock?
-
I'm completely lost
-
Need a Sat Nav?
Can we stick to simple game?
-
Very useful gadget
-
knife: not for peas
-
Fork is better
-
easier to use [morning Unhinged]
-
than a shovel
(Morning CLKD! :) )
-
Shovel = digging potatoes
-
to make chips (yum)
-
Morning all!
Salt & vinegar
-
Cheese and onion
-
BarBQ Sauce: salted
-
peanuts and raisins( not salted) ;D
-
Chocolates raisins please
-
... stop, am dieting!
-
so am I
-
full up now
-
Need some gaviscon ;D
-
😀 you got any?
-
Milk of Magnesia?
-
Never tried that
-
quite gritty: works!
-
gaviscon is helping
-
that's so good!
-
Now we can.......
-
Enjoy our evening
-
relaxing: TV on
-
waiting for Eastenders ;D
-
:rofl:
waiting for bath-time
-
Lots of bubbles?
-
and chocolate milk-shake
-
Another day dawns
-
Lovely and sunny. (I'm lying)
-
Sunny in Scarborough (not lying)
-
beside the sea
-
Donkeys on beach .....
-
sand in grub
-
Sand in mouth
-
spit it out
-
not very Ladylike ;D
-
In a tissue ::)
-
Too late I've.........
-
Done it :-\
-
Need clean knickers? ☺️
-
Wearing pull ups
-
Incontinence pants LM? ;D
-
:rofl:
I need some ;D
-
so do i ;D
-
Lend you some
-
bright lemon colour?
-
Who'll see them? ;D
-
anyone who looks
-
when skirt blows ;D
-
on the washing line ;)
-
not wearing it? ::)
-
hanging upside down :o
-
With no knickers? !!!!!!! 🙊😱😜
-
in the sunshine
-
You'll catch a chill!
-
People will see
-
don't care: it's dark ;D
-
Don't be naughty!!!🙀
-
It's fun: :na:
-
Naughty but nice?
-
So are cream cakes
-
;D
and Bakewell tart
-
What!!! Food again?
-
:-X yep ;D
-
Fish and chips :)
-
salt and vinegar
-
crisps
-
Oops ::) this is the 3 word game ;D
And chocolate :-\
-
;D Dyan
Christmas tree decorations
-
Not yet please..... :hotflash:
-
(agree)
it's too early
-
to talk about
-
moving in together
-
Not seen me :-\ ;D
-
Mother in Law...... :cuss: :diablo:
-
She's very scary
-
Mine never was ;)
-
Oooo mine is :-\
-
Didn't like mine
-
BIG hairy nose. :rant:
-
And she never
-
Wore clean undies :o
-
Very rich though
-
She's really lovely ;)
-
Don't see mine
-
Mine is dead :-\
-
So let's forget......
-
their annoyances and …...
-
Move on. Today,
-
was chilly with sunshine
-
But, I still
-
Wore my new
-
Very expensive coat
-
and wholly hat
-
Because yesterday I......
-
Was very cold
-
I called the..
-
Police because the
-
man next door
-
blocked my chimney
-
with grass cuttings
-
The police arrived.....
-
In fancy dress
-
A wedding dress ? :o :veil:
-
Yes, 4 brides
-
Marrying four brothers? ;)
-
deep snow: baby :o
-
Boy or girl
-
it was a girl
[7 brides for 7 brothers ;-) ]
-
Her name is....
-
Hannah I think
-
Hannah Louise May
-
She's very shy :oops:
-
coy; pink; crying :o
-
Smelling salts needed!
-
Hot sweet tea
-
feet up: resting
-
Needs Prince Charming :-*
-
Adam Ant: singer?
-
Stand and Deliver.....🎵🎵🎵
-
"Your money or.......... :whist:
-
Your new caravan!! :-\
-
;D
my camper is 'used' ;-)
-
It's got a......
-
Porta-potty: comfy
-
But it leaks
-
On the carpet >:(
-
What a mess >:(
-
Clean it up
-
Why should I? ;D
-
Mine doesn't leak
-
Mines outside and :madeyes:
-
It's very cold
-
Neighbours can see...... >:(
-
But, don't care
-
About the noise :whist: :oops:
-
they think it's....
-
A storm brewing :rofl:
-
:lol:
-
Got a stitch
-
In my thumb....
-
Can't clean now
-
feet up: wine?
-
Bit early? But ok. :)
-
tried walking yet :D ???
-
Yes but fell.....
-
onto the settee :D
-
Disturbing the cat!
-
Had a nap
-
with the cat?
-
Yes, 2 hours
-
What next then?
-
Facial, manicure then shopping?
-
Don't forget waxing :sigh: :rant:
-
Did that yesterday
-
Top and bottom ;D
-
Nappies, talc, cream
-
smelling all babyish :)
-
Clean as a......
-
whistle. Now let's.....
-
have a cuppa
-
<wave> CLKD
and a cake :cupcake:
-
<hands over plate>
-
:cake: small portion or.....
-
icing only please
-
A BIG fly..... >:(
-
swot it hard?
-
Knocked Grandmas vase :cuss: :hotflash:
-
It'll mend: glue?
-
Too many pieces
-
buy another one
-
Victorian and Priceless! :hotflash:
-
Did similar once :-\
-
Was it valuable?
-
£4000 I think
-
Not now …….. jigsaw?
-
Try super glue :)
-
Binned it now.
-
Did it rattle?
-
It's a Snake >:(
-
In the bin?
-
curled up sleeping ;D
-
On the doorstep
-
use a broom!
-
No, snake charmer
-
With his flute?
-
And new shoes
-
The snake escapes >:( :cuss:
-
In the bedroom
-
slid away now
-
To the loft
-
[see wild birds etc. thread ;) ]
in the C.mas decorations ;D
-
With the squirrel
-
eating the wires?
-
What's that noise?
-
cold water-tank filling ;D
-
OH has flushed
-
Bet he's relieved ;D :rofl:
-
:lol:
not to miss :o
-
The late train
-
into the countryside
-
Staying in a
-
Tent, because he......
-
Hadn't booked hotel ;D
-
We have a camper
-
But no bathroom
-
Have to cross the field ::)
-
Full of Bulls :scottie:
-
;D
no problem: cows ;)
-
We have milk :party:
-
don't like milk
-
There's always one ! :rant:🍼🍼
-
Cow producing milkshake
-
;D
chocolate flavour please
-
Strawberry or Banana? ;D🍓🍓🍌🍌
-
;D clever clogs
chocolate: with cream
-
Ok chocolate then 🍫🍫🍫👍🏼
-
Oh very clever ;D
that was tasty ;-)
-
Some more please
-
>hands over glass>
-
Sprinkles on top?
<wave>
-
chocolate ones: please
-
A walk now?
-
No,a night........
-
At the bingo ;D
-
I've won a toy
-
Is it stuffed ? :na:
-
Chicken or turkey?
-
Pheasant, peas, roasties
-
Veg,yorkie,gravy
-
Yorkie: fried or boiled :D
I LOVE Yorkshire pudding :-*
veg., yorkie., gravy = more washing up
-
So do I.
Could just eat that on its own with lashings of gravy.
Got a dishwasher
-
Change the subject :beaurk:
-
Not like yorkie?
-
Deep-fried Mars bar?
-
Fetch a bucket :barf:
-
;D
I was listening to a lady who runs a chippy + deep fried Mars bars who in 12 years, had only ever eaten one :D - not that good then :-\!
bucket full of frogs
-
From the pond
-
croaking gently; garlic?
-
No, thinking more ......
-
On lily pad
-
(There's a) Little Brown Frog ……….
-
Little white bull :-X
-
Hmmm what's next?
-
Long long ago ............
-
In faraway
-
countries with beaches
-
There lived a.......
-
Hermit who never
-
Had a wash..
-
Because his body
-
swam daily: clean
-
not a problem
-
Because his beard....
-
Was like daggers
-
The Sharks knew......
-
Because on Facebook ........,
-
;D
sharks can't read
-
Course they can
-
Oh no they can't [sorry, 3 months too early ;D]
read bedside stories
-
Sharks have gone.......
-
To warmer waters
-
to eat :o
-
Their supper, then
-
Along came a..........
-
surf boarder: yummy ;D
-
;D wearing arm bands
-
extra roughage: burp
-
Along came a......
-
Farmer with his
-
Prize Bull! OH........... :o
-
Look out Girls ;D
-
The bull's collapsed!
-
A handsome vet..........
-
aren't they all ::)
-
Expensive! £120 for
-
A night out !!! ;)
-
Plus the drinks
-
Bull better now?
-
No he died :'(
-
that's a shame
-
roasted with chips?
-
Broken a tooth >:(
-
Glue it back
-
Glued fingers together :'( :'(
-
webbed fingers now ;D
-
Syndactoly : genetic in Africa
-
Can swim faster
-
warm water only!
-
boiler on the blink :-\
-
call the plumber!
-
at those prices? :o
-
He's cheap because......
-
He's no good
-
Mended now: warmer
-
nice and toasty
-
curtains closed: cosy
-
Dim the lights :-* ;)
-
Box of chocolates
-
Stubbed my toe >:( (dimmed the lights too much)
-
;D
bowl of cold water!
-
Knock at door!!!!
-
Oh no,it's...........
-
Mother in law >:(
-
;D
with warm towel
-
She looks angry!!
-
steam coming from
-
the warm towel
-
'Listen' she says.... >:(
-
use warm towel
-
'Why should I '?......she says
-
She's gone now ;)
-
she'll be back
-
oh no she won't ;D [sorry 2 months early]
-
Yes she will ( sorry couldn't resist)
-
Sadly she died........ ;)
-
That was sudden :o
-
Let's move on ...........
-
cycling in cold wind :o
-
Off to market......
-
mind those eggs :o
-
Oopps dropped them
-
Scrambled egg time!!! ;D
-
Cats rushed in :cat48:
-
Caught a mouse 🐭🐀
-
by the tail
-
Swinging it round :o
-
Hitting the Postman........
-
He's out cold
-
scared of mice?
-
Yes he's terrified
-
no broken parcels :o
-
Swallowed it whole :o
-
Big burb then ;D
-
All over the......
-
neighbour's pavement: yuk
-
Get the disinfectant
-
cleaned up now
-
Left a stain
-
rain washes it away
-
And there stands........a
-
smiling Mummy face
-
I scared because.....
-
Mummy usually hugs
-
But this one :'(
-
Couldn't be bothered
-
Because years ago.....
-
When she mopped
-
The Mayors office ::)
-
oh : where's this going ;D
she slipped hard
-
Broke her ankle
-
bright pink plaster?
-
The Mayor sent.....
-
flowers, chocolates, bubble bath
-
He felt guilty ! :o
-
'cos she can't bath (pink plaster, remember ;-) )
-
Or even shower
-
She doesn't care ???
-
of baby talc
-
It covers the
-
Wiff of garlic >:(
-
and toothpaste breath
-
What's that noise?
-
It's a baby
-
She's got wind :'(
-
Gripe water required?
-
Who's baby is ....it?
-
Definitely not mine
-
no babies here ;D
-
It's very cute
-
so are puppies
-
(Yes but we've found a baby, stick to the script ;D)
Lots of hair
-
:rofl: ………
pretty little nails
-
Girl or boy?
-
The babies name.........
-
Is Matilda because.........
-
she tells lies
-
The naughty girl!!
-
And refuses milk.
-
The Great Grandmother.........
-
Gives her watered
-
down white wine
-
And a tot........
-
of Wincanis with ice
-
Babies drunk now.......hick!
-
sleeping soundly: shush
-
She dreaming of........
-
sunshine, fresh air and
-
A clean bottom
-
Johnsons baby powder
-
Had sold out
-
zinc ointment then
-
Ready for anything
-
what do U suggest?
-
Let's party girls! ;D
-
I'm on Belvoir
-
I've got nuts ;D
-
whole hazel ones?
-
Yes and crisps
-
with blue salt?
-
I'll make sandwiches
-
Cut crusts off ;)
-
Feed the birds (with the crusts)
-
Quick before the.......
-
Neighbours come and.........
-
Make b&b pudding
-
;D
yuk: don't like
-
Puddings because of ........
-
Mother in law.....
-
She always says
-
'All that sugar'..... >:(
-
Tastes too sweet
-
every morning: despite
-
To a bit.......
-
Of ground coffee
-
In my favourite
-
comfy arm chair
-
That I stole
-
From a skip
-
It's brand new!
-
combined harvester ;D
-
In the world
-
Said the farmer!
-
To his wife
-
not to his cows?
-
No, sheep farmer
-
;D - how sweet
-
As sweet as......
-
Hot chocolate & marshmallows
-
Toasted on the.....
-
open coal fire
-
Chest nuts roasting
-
on no they aren't :P
-
Who's hidden them ?
-
Squirrel stole them
-
oh no he didn't :-\ :P
-
I saw him
-
[you're supposed to say 'oh yes he did ;D - apparently ::) ]
Shoo away the squirrel :(
-
Good idea, then
-
The disaster happened .........
-
oh do tell?
-
Well, last week
-
holding my breath :o
-
feel faint now
-
Smelling salts required?
-
prefer bubble bath
-
Use fairy liquid
-
causes a rash :o
-
I use sudacrem
-
soothing; cooling; messy
-
But, very cheap
-
which works well
-
But who will.......? ;)
-
only with warm hands ;D
-
Be very gentle :)
-
With my small
-
Wallet,........it's empty :'(
-
Spent it all :'(
-
Going busking now 🎶🎶
-
with my bassoon :clapping:
-
and piano accordion
-
And Grandad's hat
-
it's full now
-
so empty it
-
In my pocket
-
Of my jeans
-
How much collected?
-
not enough yet
-
Carol singing then?
-
Sing up loud
-
Tap on doors?
-
Yes let's go
-
All wrapped up ?
-
Nah, it's mild
-
No hot toddy?
-
Oh ok then
-
STOP! Shouted the.......
-
policeman chasing a ..........
-
Old lady who ....
-
was getting away ......
-
And her knickers........ :o
-
were falling down
-
A bit embarrassing
-
Because they were..........
-
Full of holes
-
showing her bottom
-
Didn't look good
-
Seen better days ;D
-
haven't we all
-
Never mind because..........
-
Christmas was coming
-
It's not now?
-
Lol. Been cancelled?
-
only two weeks
-
Let's organise a party
-
Secret Santa too?
-
sounds like fun
-
A week tomorrow?
-
Count me in
-
What to wear ::) ?
-
A new dress?
-
And newcshoes
-
Bring a friend ?
-
Male or female?
-
does it matter ;)
-
Yes, because the
-
toilet is blocked
-
It's full off
-
Glitter from the.......
-
Boots we bought
-
From the market
-
They cost £3
-
that's a bargain
-
Two left feet :rofl:
-
:) still cheap though
-
walking slightly odd!
-
Nobody will notice
-
Because they will.......
-
Be too merry
-
Alcohol is free
-
And that means :drunklaf: :cancan: :party:
-
A messy night ::) ::)
-
Hangover cures available
-
From the pharmacy
-
On offer, 50p
-
I'll take two
-
Just in case
-
Might be best
-
A handsome man....... :-*
-
like my husband....
-
Wears orange socks
-
And little else :party: :madeyes:
-
what a surprise
-
Especially when he
-
wears flip-flops
-
when it's snowing
-
He's rather odd
-
aren't all men ???? ;)
-
He sleep walks :stupid:
-
and watches cartoons
-
And eats sweets
-
in the bath
-
Shops at Lush
-
And has a..........
-
Father Christmas suit
-
He's kinky then ;)
-
Definitely, also has
-
An invitation for.......
-
Ann summers party!!! :-X
-
Ann summers party!!! :-X
Ah, sweet memories ! ;)
-
All too much!! :o
-
But he's going :banana: :veil:
-
All dressed up!! ;D
-
As a fireman
-
nice long hose.... ;)
-
For the fires ???
-
And the fireworks!! :P
-
Sounds very exciting
-
One upon a time.....
-
In an isolated
-
Village far away......
-
lived a beautiful
-
Little girl who
-
Longed for a....
-
fairy princess dress
-
Money was short :-\
-
her fairy godmother...
-
Had ran off
-
With Prince Charming :-\
-
And his money
-
now they are........
-
On a cruise
-
around the world
-
Back in 6 months
-
Meanwhile ,guess what..... :hug:
-
I've won a
-
traditional country cottage
-
real log fire
-
:-\ there's a problem
-
'STOP' shouted Santa..... :(
-
My reindeers ill
-
Has the scoots!
-
Got any nappies
-
Just then......Rudolph.....
-
Loudly passed wind
-
'Was those sprouts' said Ruldolph :rofl: ;)
-
:) better now though
-
Santa was resting....
-
too many mince pies
-
Tomorrow he would...............
-
Take his vitamins
-
Eat some salad
-
have a walk
-
along the river
-
maybe a swim
-
in the river !
-
in this country ! :rofl:
-
In a wetsuit?
-
ahh much better
-
But, because of
-
The duck family !
-
must be quackers !
-
Daddy duck said.........
-
not another christmas..!
-
with 'fowl' weather
-
It's no yolk....... :rofl: 🐓
'Said the duck '
-
For the turkey
-
was well cooked
-
Guests were drunk! :party: :rofl: :cheer:
-
Nearly New Year
-
The trouble begins
-
...now be positive. :)
-
That's difficult because......
-
Of the money
-
Which was spent ::)
-
On the gift
-
of a holiday
-
To the Caribbean
-
So now he
-
packs his suitcase
-
Books his tickets
-
off he goes
-
Where's his passport :angryfire:
-
Dog ate it
-
Call the vet :scottie:
-
Vets on holiday :bang:
-
In the Caribbean :o
-
Passport office then?
-
Fast as possible
-
Don't stop running
-
Closing very soon
-
Just made it :clapping:
-
Grab the passport
-
taxi to airport
-
flying off to ....
-
Sun sand sea
-
And a small
-
romantic vintage castle
-
Quiet and secluded ;) :love:
-
With my hubby
-
M M members can.........
-
Borrow it though?
-
Yes.......everyone ready ? :hapij: ☀️☀️🌞
-
Need to shop
-
Till we drop
-
Credit card ready?
-
no credit card
-
we can imagine...
-
we have all...
-
won the lottery ;D
-
World cruise then ? :clapping:
-
Then new house
-
Off we sail......
-
Across the Atlantic
-
to Disney World
-
nah, New Zealand
-
Then Disney World?
-
The captain announced....
-
That the staff
-
are swimming naked
-
Went to look
-
were they blue ;D
-
They invited the........
-
Captain in but
-
he's on the Bridge
-
With the dancers :cancan: :cancan: :cancan:
-
;D ……. how many?
-
The Tiller girls :rofl:
-
:lol: 6 I think
-
Doing the cha cha
-
oh very clever :medal: :cupcake:
in short skirts?
-
Captain was blushing.........because
-
he was embarrassed
-
They forgot to....
-
Wear any underwear
-
Gale force nine.........approached ;D
-
Baton down the
-
:cupcake:, :bunis: , meringues
-
:rofl: rough night ahead
-
antacids required? hicc
-
The ships doctor.........said
-
"Burp! Pardon me"
-
I ate some.....
-
Lemons because the
-
Nurse told me....
-
It helps with
-
sore throats: honey?
-
She also said........
-
rest; feet up; :cupcake:
-
And no swimming
-
in the nude
-
'Land ahoy' shouted.....
-
Steward, we're here
-
The natives look :valkyrie: :angryfire:
-
hairy all over :o
-
Where are we?
-
Western Super Mare?
-
:rofl: :rofl: it was foggy
-
fog horn sounding
-
reinvent me in
-
The morning because
-
a good breakfast
-
Is very expensive
-
Especially if the.....
-
eggs are quails
-
Only vegan available
-
:-\ ….. vegan quails?
-
No, vegan food
-
Help! No meat?
-
Fish on Fridays?
-
No fish, sorry.
-
Veg veg veg :'(
-
The ships doctor..........
-
is carving bread
-
For the seagulls......
-
…… mind their beaks :o
-
They'll be fine
-
Land ahoy .......its......
-
Western Super Mare
-
No! Not again?
-
:'(. Been before
-
Mistake.........its Barbadas :spin: :sunny: ☀️☀️
-
🌞⛵️⚓️🏖🏝 that's more like it!!!
-
Look there's Cliff..........Richard🎤🎸🎸 :clapping:
-
He's invited us
-
To his villa 👍🏼
-
oh great, 'Congratulations'
-
We'll play tennis
-
Then maybe swim
-
Forgotton the luggage.....'Traveling Light ' ;D 🎼🎼
-
:rofl:
-
Hit the shops
-
Flash the plastic
-
Spend spend spend!
-
Hey big spender!
-
In broke now
-
luggage is SO heavy ;D
-
What did you buy?
-
bubble bath, talc
-
Was it expensive?
-
Half price offer!
-
what a bargain
-
smells loverley; soothing
-
Right shall we ...........
-
warm the bath towel?
-
In the dryer
-
into the bubbles
-
With rubber duck
-
:na: Window cleaner watcher :-\
-
;D he won't see a better body all year ;D
whoops that's more than 3 :D
-
Oops, he's fallen
-
Into the pond ;D
-
[my dog did that many years ago as did various cats in the area ;D]
lots of frogs
-
And a Prince
-
Looking for me!
-
Ohhhh he says :madeyes:🐸
-
what a pair ;)
-
of fancy taps
-
On that washbasin
-
gold plug and chain
-
But it leaks
-
Call the plumber
-
<wave< Dyan
sorted now: bubbles ;)
-
baked beans again? ;D
-
nope, brussel sprouts
-
:rofl: didn't see that coming
antacids required now?
-
Too late ...I.... :whist: :-[
-
Oh dear. Mop?
-
sloppy, soaked, mop
-
hire a cleaner
-
still soggy? messy?
-
It's fine now
-
Dry? Warm? Comfortable?
-
Dozing now zzzzzzz
-
Feet up. Warm?
-
Knock at door.......
-
too late for Santa?
-
It's the police
-
Someone's in trouble
-
I wonder who?
-
It's not me
-
We've been burgled :cuss:
-
W... t.. f... !
-
tidied up now?
-
Yes, cuppa now
<wave> CLKD
-
<wave Dyan<
feet up: comfy?
-
Cushion behind back
-
Relaxed: sleepy? Warm enough?
-
Mustn't nod off
-
will drop cuppa :o
-
On the new
-
fluffy, purple slippers :o
-
Bought from Harrods
-
In January sales ;D
-
Will they wash?
-
No. Cost £90
-
were half price
-
but very tight
-
Sell them then?
-
How much for?
-
Not sure £30?
-
is that each?
-
The pair, plus
-
a free gift :)
-
Love anything free
-
Yes but the
-
toast is burnt
-
>:(. No more bread
-
Have cereal then!
-
Don't want cereal
-
how about fruit?
-
Got any melon?
-
water or honeydew?
-
I'll have both
-
Then some toast
-
with peanut butter
-
And a brandy
-
Snap with cream
-
And cherry on top
-
Shall we go
-
for a run?
-
feeling too lazy
-
Might just walk
-
It's raining now
-
Get a taxi?
-
Can't afford it
-
Need a job
-
what you fancy?
-
Not sure, but
-
I'm good at
-
doing absolutely nothing
-
:) but no wages
-
Money,money,money!
-
Can I borrow
-
Some Monopoly money?
-
Want real money :(
-
no credit card
-
Cash is king
-
Jonny or Pat?
-
Whose the richest
-
poor Johnny's dead
-
Not him then
-
Anyone for tennis?
-
Watching or playing?
-
Watching with mother 😜
-
The wooden tops?
-
No, Pogles' Wood
-
Andy pandy there?
-
And Loopy Lou 😀
-
What about those.........
-
Little creatures that
-
Get in places
-
they really shouldn't
-
Clangers or fleas ;D
-
Fleas that jump
-
itch and scratch
-
til skin bleeds
-
Then it stops
-
and I get
-
lots of sleep
-
When I awaken
-
In my bed
-
I have lost .....
-
all my teeth
-
In the dishwasher
-
What a twit
-
Twit twit twoo
-
;D
too early for owls
-
Get up and....
-
listen quietly? raining :-\
-
I'm getting wet
-
Hands warm towel
-
Puts on mac
-
Feet are wet
-
Stop peeing then :rofl:
-
need Tena Pads ?
-
Double them up
-
;D
big thick knickers
-
I look lovely :)
-
Bright yellow, frills?
-
Everywhere I look
-
There is pink
-
Wobbly plastic things!!!!!!!
-
stuck on boobs? ;D
-
Overactive imagination maybe?
-
Makes life fun ;D
-
Life too short
Hi Mandz
-
To restrict your
-
Hey dyan :foryou:
Inner potential so....
-
Let's go travelling
-
camper van packed
-
Going somewhere nice ?
-
nope: raining now :D
-
I'm still going
-
wellies and raincoat?
-
Off we go....
-
Snorkel and flippers
-
;D
warm towel and gown
-
We've arrived at.....
-
The ferry terminal
-
forgot my passport ! :(
-
Will just sneak... ;)
-
Past the security
-
No-one will notice
-
And we ,re off
-
The sun awaits
-
Large pretty brolly?
-
And a fan
-
Towel on the loungers
-
Cocktail in hand 🍸🍾
-
Eyeing the pool
-
Whips off bikini.....
-
Leaps on lifeguard ;D
-
He passes out!!!
-
Call an ambulance
-
Wait! He's recovered!
-
Nooooooo, now he's
-
having a seizure
-
Need a paramedic
-
Nine nine nine
-
They won't come
-
He was joking
-
Don't like him
-
Get someone else
-
I'm on my way
>save Dyan< whoops that should have read wave :-\
-
With the tools
-
Hammer, nails and
-
OUCH! that hurt :o
-
Finger throbbing now
-
Large bag of peas?
-
Birds eye ? Asda?
-
Straight from the pods ;D
-
Fresh ones then
-
pop goes the pod
-
Reminds me of the old Birds eye AD " When the pod goes pop" :whist:
Out they roll
-
Off the table
-
under my feet :o (That advert was on TV 24 hours ago with Anita Dobson)
-
mushy peas now
-
Throw them away
-
on my plate!
-
Mushy peas = wind :(
-
Caution to the wind
-
Where's the sign? :-\
-
It blew away ;D ;D
-
:rofl: ………… can't follow that ::)
along the beach
-
Passed a jellyfish
-
swimming or beached?
-
Beached I'm afraid
-
ugly critters, dead :D
-
As a doornail
-
Let's look for
-
Something to eat
-
Sweet or savoury?
-
Either will do
-
Salted caramel muffin ( had one this after........deeeelish!) ;D
-
Sweet and savoury 😀
-
a perfect combination
-
Fish and chips
-
Salt & vinegar
-
full up now ;D
-
Time to nap
-
feet up? comfy ?
-
In a hammock
-
Won't you fall out ;D
-
On my head 😳
-
You'll be fine
-
hold on tight
-
Its getting windy
-
Too many beans
-
:rofl:
with tomato sauce?
-
Yes of course 😀
-
Sausages n chips?
-
Too full thanks!
-
Maybe tomorrow because
-
Monday's diet day !
-
Only eat carrots
-
You'll turn orange :o
-
glow in the dark ;D
-
Lots of benefits :)
-
On travels again
-
Where to now?
-
Where,d you fancy?
-
Durham City: shopping
-
Get the bags
-
Mine are full ;D
-
get some more
-
get a Taxi!
-
you paying then? ;D
-
>wave Dyan<
to the Hotel?
-
>wave CLKD<
Why? Who's there? ;)
-
Himself: bubbles, cuppa
-
Then early night ;)
-
Up early today :o
-
So I'm exhausted 😉
-
Have a doze?
-
The beds collapsed.
-
Cuppa hot chocolate?
-
cream and marshmallows
-
tot of rum?
-
Flake to stir
-
Snow flake or Cadbury ? (both would melt ;D )
-
Flake, it melts
-
Adds to indulgence ;)
-
Galaxy ripple please
-
Scoffed it down :P👍🍦
-
Straight to hips 😩
-
Nice and curvy ;)
-
Very well padded😁
-
that's my bottom ;D
-
Too much information! 😳
-
Guess what I'm
-
standing on a
-
Jetty, waiting for
-
red sails in the sunset?
-
No, my new
-
dress made of
-
Pink rose petals
-
covered in lace
-
hoping it won't
-
Tear on the
-
Ghost train ride
-
Look out, it's...
-
Given me diarrhoea!😳
-
Don't feel well!!
-
Call Doc Martin
-
He's at sea
-
Pass the Imodium
-
Better now? Cycling?
-
I fell off!!
-
May I giggle ?
-
If you must!!
-
Were you hurt?
-
dunted my derriere :o
-
Beg your pardon? ;D
-
fell on her bum :o
-
;D big bruise then
-
gentle massage required?
-
Not from me ;D
-
Hands too cold?
-
But warm heart
-
Beating softly; kind
-
Hope it's not farts???? :rofl:
-
What's that smell?
-
hard boiled eggs
-
For our picnic
-
Sun is shining 🌞☀️
-
Breeze is warm
-
Skinny dip time 😜
-
Warm towels waiting
-
wrapped up warm
-
That was refreshing x
-
Shivering now: cuppa?
-
From a flask
-
Tea or coffee?
-
milk and sugar?
-
black tea: 2
-
white tea none
-
White tea one
-
with :cupcake: : please
-
And me please
-
rich tea biscuit
-
Are you dieting?
-
gonna start tomorrow
-
start it today
-
Can't,just eaten.........
-
See food: eat it :D
-
Got too stop!!
-
At once! now! ;D
-
Don't want too!!
-
Carry on: photos?
-
NO, not when
-
I'm fast asleep
-
having a nightmare
-
hot, sweaty, menopausal?
-
Yes,that's right
-
It never ends!!!!!
-
Better days ahead
-
A fresh start
-
Grow old disgracefully
-
and enjoy life!
-
Sounds too good!!
-
Let's be optimistic
-
Let's be Daredevil's!!!!
-
Go for it x
-
It's party time!
-
:party09: :cupcake: :cancan:
-
With 80s music
-
Pet Shop Boys
-
Stand and deliver ;D
-
Lots of cakes
-
:cake: + :cupcake: + :beaurk:
-
Meringues and eclairs
-
hands over plate
-
Don't be greedy!
-
Share them out
-
Shan't! all mine :D
-
You must share
-
Or get fat
-
Problems with teeth!
-
take them out
-
Work those gums
-
Could be filthy!!! :diablo: >:D >:D >:D
:rofl:
-
Get some detergent
-
scrub them clean
-
with a scourer
-
you'll scratch it
-
Is it itchy?
-
Yes,but don't........
-
Tell my husband
-
Where I am
-
In bed with
-
laptop and leccy-blanket ;D
-
And the cat
-
and the dog
-
Purring gently: cleaning :catscratch:
-
A furry hoover
-
does it work ;D
-
Not very well...
-
give up then?
-
Think I might
-
Go shopping later
-
garden centre: butchers?
-
Halfords, for a
-
Spanner
-
For the car
-
flat tyre then?
-
Yep all 4
-
nails on road
-
Out of control !!!!!!
-
No money now
-
Nothing new there
-
Food bank then?
-
For my tea
-
steak, green veg.
-
Big fat chips
-
Salt and vinegar
-
Ketchup as well
-
What a meal!!!
-
Room for pudding?
-
No, too full
-
No more space
-
attic is full :o
-
Raise the roof ;D
-
Did that once
(nowt to do again ;D ? )
-
Maybe move house?
-
leave it behind?
-
Move to countryside
-
I'm there already ;D
-
Move to city?.
-
Have 2 houses
-
Doing okay then?
-
so far today
-
That is good!!!
-
better than expected
-
Making me chuckle!!!
-
who moi? :P
-
Yes moi!! Thanks
-
Can't follow that...
-
don't even try ;D
-
Mustn't give up!
-
Nor will I !!!
-
Are you sure?
-
giggling again: you?
-
What's the joke? :-\ ;D
-
Im giggling again!!
-
Giggling at her?
-
She's a tonic ;D
-
Apparently Moi Dyan ;D
>wave<
-
Keeps us happy
-
Chilled and postive
-
Ready for another
>wave CLKD<
-
Performance at the
-
Apollo Theatre London
-
Top of the bill?
-
Well known celebrity
-
Our lovely brucie
-
with the gorgeous
-
Cast of wicked
-
Only me there
-
And the queen
-
She's sitting with
-
a bag of crisps
-
And a butler
-
in the buff !
-
his manhood covered
-
with the Union Flag
-
Have a peek ::) :o
-
Oh not me!!!
-
I'll look lol xx
-
Did U C?
-
Saw too much!
-
Oh do tell ;D
-
Very big...
-
Surprise!!!
-
He is pregnant!
-
He's a she
-
Expecting triplets apparently
-
It's a miracle!
-
contractions have started
-
litter of kittens
-
They are cute!
-
I want one
-
girl or boy?
-
A little girl
-
tortoiseshell then: pretty :-*
-
mine is vicious
-
like the post-box cat?
-
Don't want that >:(
-
Nice and sweet
-
plump and fluffy
-
:catscratch: + :cat88: + :cat48:
-
Claws and teeth!
-
Fur and purrs
-
Tails and whiskers
-
Fleas and ticks
-
Itch and scratch
-
pass the antihistimine
-
She's pregnant now!
-
not again: Vets!
-
A false alarm
-
Phew: Vets then!
-
For my checkup
-
Better than doctor?
-
Looked after better!!
-
That's good,now
-
Let's go and
-
Find a man
-
To mend the
-
the garden fence
-
painted in mauve?
-
If you like
-
matt or gloss?
-
Gloss is good
-
Looks lovely. Thanks!
-
lets plant some
-
cowslips, lupins, foxgloves
-
Beetroot, broadbeans, broccoli
-
keep frost free!
-
David or Inspector?
-
Oh jack frost
-
;D
expected at dawn :o
-
The dawn chorus
-
noisy but nice ;D
-
Loud and cheery
-
Too too cold
-
:sunny: + :sweatdrop: + :)
-
Happy then CLKD :)
-
Got a suntan?
-
Any white bits?
-
kept covered up!
-
Because of the rash
-
caused by heat
-
Sweat and itch
-
Camomile lotion then
-
Followed by piriton
-
So sleepy now
-
Fast asleep now
-
At what time? :o ;D
-
I don't no!!
-
Warm. Tired. Blankets.
-
A nice nap
-
With sweet dreams
-
about that actor
-
Colin Firth again?
>wave Dyan>
-
Yes,all wet :o ;D
>wave CLKD<
-
;D
chilly, blue, cold
-
Eyes like sapphires
-
Turns me on :o
-
Down Girl, Down ;D
-
Blood pressure alert
-
;D
get the [BP] machine?
-
Great! It's fine!
-
Phew! better now?
-
Back to business
-
cutting toe nails!
-
Shaving the legs...
-
colouring my hair
-
Any particular one?
-
;D
[the hair on the front of my head ]
nope, all over
-
That's a relief
-
looks lovely now ;D
-
No more grey 😀
-
Pink; purple; gold ::)
-
One cool lady
-
no hot sweats ::)
-
Cool calm collected
-
until panic sets in :'(
-
But you're strong😀
-
:thankyou: + emergency pill ;-)
-
Good to have
-
for when necessary
[off 4 my bath now ;-) ]
-
Stay afloat please 😉
-
arm bands on
-
Must be inflated
-
Lifeguard on duty?
-
Big and brawny
-
And lovely smile
-
Toothpaste Grin, Tanned
-
With 6 pack :o
-
Carlsberg, Tennants or Smiths :-X
-
Diet coca cola
-
with ice and mint
-
No ice, lemon
-
long, tall glass (I really am going ;D )
-
You are ;D
Leo sayer song
-
You remember him :D
-
Saw him once
-
Went next door
-
Plonked the piano?
-
Made a din
-
Rang the police
-
But they said.......
-
We don't care
-
we like him
-
singing, playing, yodelling
-
sounds awful, but
-
is quite foot-tapping!
-
70's good music
-
Can't remember: meno-brain ;D
-
;D blame the hormones >:(
-
Or the man
-
who loves me :-*
-
Oh you wouldn't?
-
sorry, lost me :D
-
Blame the hormones,or the man,who loves me.Oh you wouldn't?
Keep on track ;D ;)
-
are, blame the man who loves me ……….. :-\
F1 or MotoGP?
-
Neither,touring cars.
-
Switzerland; Italy; Scotland?
-
In Monte Carlo.
-
Round the track
-
Fast. Noisy. Dangerous!
-
Yes, but fun 😉
-
Hair flying free
-
Need my ghds
-
They've been stolen
-
What a disaster!!!
-
Never mind, now
-
All is well
-
Let's move on
-
roller skates this morning?
-
Err,no, feet ;D
-
those slippers again?
-
Thigh high boots
-
You are brave
-
won't do up!
-
Whoops! Broke the heel
-
Lop sided walk...
-
But who cares
-
bare feet now
-
I feel liberated
-
Burned your bra?
-
No not yet
-
No droop then...
-
Not too bad
-
Under the circumstances
-
I'm on hrt
-
Best thing invented😀👍👍👍
-
Not for some
-
Not for all
-
Didn't help me
-
Sorry to hear
-
The body adapts!!!!
-
Couldn't wait though
-
have to sometimes
-
good things come
-
Around the corner
-
But sometimes slowly
-
Like a snail
-
Or a tortoise
-
With a shell
-
Suit on, purple.
-
When I am old ;D
-
I will wear........
>wave CLKD<
-
>wave Dyan <
thick mauve knickers ;D
-
and pink hair
-
And yellow cardi
-
Green tights?
-
Racy black lace!
-
Far too itchy ;D
-
Black silk then?
-
Bit tacky. Red? :)
-
with black bows?
-
If you want.
-
You might get
-
a thick cape
-
To keep warm
-
From chilly nights
-
and gnat bites
-
On your legs
-
with knobbly knees
-
Like two jellies
-
with whipped cream
-
And chocolate sprinkles
-
a flake too
-
crumbly milk chocolate
-
On the floor
-
don't waste any
-
sweep it up
-
Keep for later 😜
-
When we go
-
to the pictures
-
Going to see
-
The one that
-
Didn't get away
-
still there then?
-
I'm afraid so!
-
I'll hide under
-
The food table
-
And eat crumbs
-
because I'm starving
-
Like a wolf
-
And very thirsty
-
have some water
-
No drink there
-
There's a well
-
Is there where?
-
bottom of garden
-
Plastic cups too
-
bucket and a rope?
-
Yep, heave ho ;D
>wave CLKD<
-
Don't fall in :o
>wave Dyan <
-
I can't swim :-\
-
It's that Life-guard again ;D
-
will need him ::)
-
to dig sand
-
With a spade
-
And make a
-
Pigs ear of
-
digging a hole
-
Now spade broken!!
-
Just bought it!
-
take it back!
-
Got the receipt?
-
I don't know
-
Need my glasses
-
on your head ;D
-
I'm going mad
-
It's the menopause!
-
Who needs it >:(
-
I certainly don't
-
It's a nightmare!
-
On elm street
-
and this street ;D
-
Has some houses
-
That are empty
-
Been made into
-
Homes for animals
-
who are abanded :'(
-
And need loved
-
40 cats and
-
364 little kittens
-
I'd like one
-
A ginger one?
-
Let me think
-
Have you decided?
-
Black and white?
-
Call him Felix
-
Felix for a Queen :o
-
Lost :-\. What queen
-
Freddie Mercurys band?
-
Tom cats, Queens ::)
so 1 wouldn't call a she-cat 'felix' ::) - do keep up ;D, I'm the 1 with the cold ;)
OK - back to topic
Felix = food
-
Meat
> wave CLKD<
-
> wave Dyan <
meat - two veg.
-
I didn't realise it was the 3 word game ;D
Two veg- gravy Yorkshire pud
-
Himself made pancakes and turned the batter into Yorkshires the next day - all that I fancied really :-\
Pudding, custard, jam
-
All that sugar
-
yum; Condense milk?
-
Call the dentist!!
-
went last week ;D
-
teeth all ok ;)
-
Apart from one
-
Which ones that?
-
the one he pulled ?
-
Out by mistake
-
Big gap now?
-
In the front!!
-
Get a toffee?
-
Stick it in?
-
Is it sugary?
-
Sugar free toffee 😀
-
Oh YUK! ;D
-
I'm afraid so
-
can't eat many :o
-
Maybe just one?
-
one won't hurt
-
Ok, I'm convinced.
-
Jelly Babies anyone?
-
What colours best?
-
The green ones
-
Black and red.
-
Tongue goes black
-
If you eat
-
Hundreds at once
-
You will disappear :-\ :-\ :-\
-
Disappear? Where to?
-
Under the bed
-
If you fit...
-
gap too narrow :-\
-
For my bum😂
-
Lower the floorboards ::)
-
Can't do that
-
A Beatles song ! ;)
-
Hard days night
-
She loves you
-
And your husband
-
I hope not
-
To gain weight
-
After those cakes
-
Which I scoffed
-
I ate 6!
-
You didn't share :(
-
I was hungry :(
-
Feel sick now
-
get a bucket
-
Build a sandcastle
-
On the beach
-
Sand gets everywhere!
-
In my camera
-
Up my nose
-
In my sandwich
-
Cheese and pickle
-
Sounds so tempting
-
But no, cucumber.
-
gives me wind!
-
In the willows
-
at toad hall
-
With friend Ratty
-
By the river
-
Enjoying the sunshine
-
Licking my icecream
-
Chocolate covered cone
-
Chocolate covered anything !
-
;D
feet, knees, fingers?
-
Elbows arms neck
-
Bit messy so
-
Into the shower
-
Warm towel ready
>wave Dyan<
-
Would be nice
-
to have warm feet :-\
-
And clean toes
-
fluffy purple slippers
-
to match purple
-
Streaks in hair
-
which needs trimming
-
fringe too long
-
covers my glasses ::)
-
Know the feeling ;D
-
pudding bowl cut :D
-
;D brother had one
-
Long blonde curls
-
tied with ribbon
-
Milk Tray box?
-
The lady loves
-
a bubble bath ;D
> wave dazned <
-
Wave@CLKD
hot and steamy ;)
-
very large loofah
-
:rofl:
Large sponge finger
-
covered in syrup?
-
Raspberry jelly trifle
-
in sundae dishes?
-
but it's Friday!
-
Crikey you're sharp ;D
weekend: plans anyone?
-
Two lie ins💤
-
Cutting the hedge
-
Mowing the lawn
-
In the garden
-
Having a snooze
-
oh it's raining >:(
-
Get the brolly
-
And the wellingtons
-
thick, warm, socks
-
Cup of horlicks
-
Oh YUK! milk-shake?
-
prefer a cocktail
-
Me too. Mojito?
-
Mint and lime
-
Plenty of ice
-
To go skating
-
On Rockefeller Plaza
-
With a friend
-
Then Fifth Ave?
-
For a browse
-
in book shops
-
And some expensive
-
coffe and cake
-
Little walnut whip.....
See chocolate......again I think that I'm addicted
-
;D
with very large walnut?
-
Bit mine off. Yuk yuk !
-
Don't like walnuts ::) [you did mean the walnut :-\ ]
-
Walnuts are horrible :(
-
unless grown in England ;)
-
Strawberries and cream
-
tiny cucumber sandwhiches
-
crusts removed? tasty
-
Far too dainty :na:
-
I prefer big
-
Bigger the better
-
are we talking food ;)
-
;D
It depends on
-
What is available
-
:rofl: : what exactly?
-
Big fat cheque? ::)
-
That sounds great ;D
-
;D
We can go
-
in the charabanc
-
On an adventure
-
to the coast
-
For a swim
-
I'll hold the towel
-
Not diving in?
-
Nope: tastes awful :o
-
Hold your nose
-
Don't want to
-
I can't swim!
-
I'll learn you ;)
-
Ok, when? Where?
-
When it's warmer ;D
-
It's warmer now!
-
Let's go to
-
Italian Lakes: scenery
-
And water's warmer ;)
-
Mountains are taller ;)
-
Wine is cheap
-
Don't drink wine!
-
I'll have yours :)
-
Not my bath-towel
-
Got my own
-
And me too
-
Pale cream with tassels
-
Mines boring blue!!
-
Mines shocking pink
-
Matching bathing hats?
-
No that's white
-
With flowers on top?
-
Nice looking daisies
-
Along the banks
-
Of the canal
-
Which has barges
-
Might buy one
-
there not cheap
-
£45,000 plus: cosy?
-
Want a luxury one
-
With central heating?
-
And air con
-
Wood burning stove?
-
And sky TV?
-
Nice warm hotel?
-
with en-suite ;D
-
And waited on!
-
massage: foot rub?
-
Outdoor hot tub
-
Glass of bubbly
-
no thanks: cuppa!
-
Kettle is dead.
-
Boil a saucepan
-
Good idea! Thanks.
-
Your welcome clkd !!!
-
Biccies with it?
-
Yes please chocy!!
-
Yum me too ;)
-
>hands over plate<
-
Carrot sticks then
-
celery with cream cheese
(remember doing that as well as hedgehogs with pineapple and cheese sticks)
-
Sausage roll & pickle
-
Napkin required: messy ;D
-
Not wearing clothes ::)
-
Baby wipes then ;D
-
Crumbs in crevices😧
-
Itchy: talc please
-
Makes me sneeze😷
-
>hands over tissues<
-
Thank you much
-
better now: <sneezes>
-
Oh yes great😻
-
time for bed?
-
Already in it 😴
-
Warm and cosy?
-
Apart from feet😦
-
Get thick socks?
-
Just put on😀
-
I am naked :D
-
good for you ;)
-
chilly this morning :D
-
Best get dressed
-
I did: slippers ;D
-
Warmed up then?]
-
Cosy: neat: tidy
-
For the day!
-
Then tomorrow I'm
-
Not wearing slippers
-
nor any knickers ;)
-
On my head
-
As I look
-
silly with out
-
Something covering my
-
knees and ankles
-
What's next then
-
Kafhtan: beach : milk-shake
-
What's that then?
-
An expensive holiday ;)
-
You enjoy it ;)
-
It was different :-\
-
Full of :sunny: ;D
-
What a surprise ;D
-
Warm; welcome; enjoyed!
-
Back to rain ;D
-
Thunder, lightning, wellies
-
Lovely British weather!
-
Hibernate? Dance naked ……….
-
In the cold
-
No, not me
-
I'm dressed now
-
Ready for off
-
Been: back home
-
Slippers back on
-
Comfy pink ones
-
Feet up now!
-
Watching the football
-
:o this early? :-\
-
Especially for you?
-
Used the 'off' button
-
Maybe tomorrow night?
-
Oh yes definitely
-
Out with friends
-
You'll miss it!
-
What a shame
-
Watched something else ;D
-
It's like Marmite
-
Which I love
-
Nicely thick yummy!!!
-
Spread on hot toast?
-
prefer peanut butter
-
Oh: >passes plate<
-
Only Marmite pls
-
I like both
-
:o : not together?
-
Not for me
-
A change of scenery?
-
Let's start again?
-
Early bath. Pyjams?
-
Definitely and chocolate!
-
with melted marshmallows
-
Good sweet dish!
-
Sponge and custard
-
Nicely low fat :(
-
Fat free yoghurt 😀
-
Better for waistline
-
sponge with treacle?
-
Yummy but fattening
-
Not in cyber-land ;)
-
What about trifle?
-
Ooo yes please :)
-
Oh Yuk! Nope!
-
Apple crumble then
-
Please: with custard
>wave Dyan<
-
> wave CLKD<
Same here then
-
Licked dish clean
-
enjoyed that then!!
-
full up now ::)
-
a happy bunny
-
on our carrots :o
-
He's escaped from
-
his comfy hutch
-
Had en-suite
-
cleaned daily: fresh!
-
Not for long
-
Very smelly now
-
Have a shower
-
No not again?
-
Got a water meter
-
So have I
-
Saves you money?
-
Have no idea
-
Could you check ;D
-
Can't be bothered :-\
-
not too worry
-
I'll steal some
-
a good idea
-
take time to work
-
I agree tricky
-
like my cooking ;D
-
Very much so!!! ;D
-
Steamed rolly-poly?
-
No thank you.
-
Nor me either
-
Grilled chicken, new spuds?
-
Are you cooking it?
-
If so, yes
-
I don't cook ;D [ever]
-
No recipes then?
-
Shall we Google
-
my recipe book pls
-
Something nice there?
-
Steak with kidney >wave Dyan<
-
Don't like Kidney
-
Steak with Yorkshires?
-
Don't like Yorkshire's
-
How about chips
-
Gone off chips :D
-
I have them
-
covered in gravy?
-
Curry sauce pls
-
May I join in?
-
Don't mind sharing
-
>hands over plate <
-
take mine away !
-
No sharing then?
-
Glass of wine?
-
Don't drink alcohol!
-
Maybe juice then?
-
Just plain water( I know.......boring) ;D
-
Tap or bottled? (Better for you even thou boring I know)
-
Fizzy bottled: straight
-
Sorry no fizz
-
No, me neither
-
From the tap
-
On this occasion
-
Because it's free
-
I like FREE :)
Morning LM
-
We all do ::)
-
washing, hoovering, cleaning ?
-
Nooooooo because I'm
-
sitting in the :sunny:
-
Enjoying it too ::)
-
Warm, calm, restful
-
Has summer started?
-
Shush! Hope so ;)
-
Fingers crossed then ;)
-
Blow away clouds?
-
No dark clouds here ;D
-
Fluffy white ones.
-
For a change
-
of socks: slippers?
-
Noooooo, wearing flip-flops
-
Not between toes :o
-
Yes of course
-
Not very comfortable
-
Only cost 99p
-
with ice cream ?
-
and a flake ;)
-
in a bath ?
-
Bubbles for clkd 😜
-
Ooh champagne bubbles
-
:thankyou:
pink champagne? chilly ;D
-
Just for you!!
-
clean, warmed, towels?
-
Towels in wash ;D
-
Nude sunbathing then ;D
-
I'm afraid so ;D
-
Nobody is watching
-
What about sunscreen?
-
Himself with cover me
-
Nicely protected then
-
Warm and cosy ;D
-
In the shade ;D
-
Dusk approaches: chilly
-
Towels washed,&dryed
-
Far too late :D
-
Towels for later
-
mid-day tomorrow?
-
Fresh and soft
-
In the sunshine
-
No used dryer
-
Just bought it
-
Nice soft towels
-
For me: dried?
[haven't you anything to do either ;D ]
-
Yep for you!
(Been busy so relaxing in garden! ;D)
-
Brightly coloured towels?
[been shopping - now on here, feet up ::) ]
-
I mixed colours ;)
(Resting before starting again! Round 2 then)😃
-
Love bright colours
-
All in a towel
-
Kittens? Chicks? Ducklings?
-
I'm not that creative!
-
Meant wrapped up ;) [as in cuddled in a towel to carry around]
-
Oh!! Very sweet!
-
Like good ice-cream
-
Yummy chocolate ice-cream
(Chocolate again I'm afraid!!!)
-
;D doesn't take long does it
chocolate milk-shake
-
Not with chocolate I'm afraid :D
With fresh cream
-
Strawberries; Pimms; Wimbledon :)
-
Scones and cream
-
Yes please: tomorrow?
-
Need a towel?
-
More like a bib ;D
-
To keep you clean!!
-
Fat chance: messy ;D [as Himself will testify :-X ]
-
Including baby wipes ;D
-
Tidy now: cuppa?
-
Good! Green tea?
-
Black: 2 sugars
-
No it's green!
-
::) - no milk?
-
Definitely no milk
-
Cow on strike?
-
:rofl:
not in herbal tea!
-
mint; camomile; lavender?
-
Wot about peppermint
-
that's indigestion tablet flavours
-
Yep! and tea
-
What now then.
-
Once upon a time...
-
That thread is here [somewhere]
-
Like a needle...
-
that means tapestry?
-
In a haystack
( I meant looking for that particular thread I'm lazy)
-
Ahhh - obviously I'm not awake yet ::)
straw is ****ly [I know because :-X ]
-
Please do say? ;D
-
bath-water stings :o
-
What about the straw?
-
Makes skin tender
-
and very sensitive
-
Needs moisture cream
-
Hydromol is Good ;D
-
Once a day?
-
More than that
-
like chocolate then ?
-
Chocolate alot better! ;D
-
better weather here
-
Muggy weather coming!!!
-
No sleep then
-
No change there
-
Rain: sporting weekend >:(
-
Not happy bunny then?
-
OK: settee comfy ;-)
-
Nicely relaxed then?
-
No, because I'm
-
enjoying my fuschia?
-
Nice pretty colours?
-
"Red & yellow &..............." :whist:
-
Beautiful purple colours
-
"pink and green …… " ;) >wave Dyan<
with white edging
-
Array of colours
-
colours? :D
in bright :sunny:
-
Coming alive again
-
Because tomorrow, work
-
early start then?
-
Not for me!!
-
That's not fair :(
-
Life isn't fair!!!
-
Swings, roundabouts, gold-fish
-
Swimming around free
-
in our pond
-
All different types?
-
Orf; koi; tench
-
to name a few !!
( you know your fishes clkd I don't have a clue) :-\
-
;D
25 years old
-
What all of them?
-
The orf is 27 [some are younger if the older ones don't eat them ::)]
-
That is old :)
-
In human years
-
Big fish now
-
New pond then?
-
Too much digging ;D
>wave Dyan>
-
>wave< CLKD.
Far too deep.
-
Puff me out!!!
-
>wave Janice<
feet up: cuppa?
-
Sounds a good idea!!
> wave clkd<
-
One of my Best
-
Absolutely the best!!!!
-
The perfect one ::)
-
Of the day!
-
Warm evening now
-
With no rain!
-
Soft sun-set
-
Cool gentle breeze............
-
through misty sunshine
-
Cool glass of.....
>wave CLKD<
-
>wave Dyan< - where is everyone else ::)
iced lemon pop
-
Dunno :-\
I like lemon :)
-
mousse; cheesecake; meringue
-
Anything ;)
Lemon curd too
-
Oh Grandma made lovely lemon curd from scratch
With good pastry
-
Weight watchers please?
-
Skipping rope: share?
-
Good to share...
-
a bowl of soup
-
Bread roll too?
-
A spoon each?
-
We better had
-
…….. washing up done
-
And put away
-
Breakfast time: cuppa?
-
Midday cuppa better!!
-
nearly tea time!
-
Not cooking tonight!!!
-
Meal eaten: stuffed
-
Like a turkey
-
Waddling around then?
-
Like a duck
-
;D
paddling in water
-
With a quack quack!!
-
>wave Janice<
feathers for pillows
-
Makes me sneeze
-
Bless you then!
>Wave Clkd<
-
Thanks very much
-
Your very welcome!!
-
Horrible hay fever >:(
-
You poor thing!!
-
Be over soon
-
On my way
-
To the airport
-
Motorway very busy
-
Missed the plane
-
By a minute
-
But I'm glad
-
Happy in fact
-
Fear of flying
-
Lost my money
-
On a horse
-
Fell at fence
-
Is he okay?
-
Yes. I'm not :(
-
Early night required!
-
No, going out
-
For a run
-
Just doing 10k
-
Then will collapse
-
On the water bed
-
Which is leaking
-
How's the ceiling ;D
-
Ceiling has collapsed
-
Call the builder?
-
He is here
-
make him a cuppa ;D
-
Done that, but
-
binned water bed
-
Bought a futon
-
Not comfy though
-
another water bed then??
-
Yes maybe, although
-
I can't swim ;D
-
You can learn?
-
I'll teach U!
-
Right from wrong
-
Probably drown then!!
-
Of course not! [don't be so negative ::) ]
-
Paddling pool then? ;D
-
Not enough water
-
Can soak feet
-
But my neighbour
-
Called the fire brigade
-
Because she saw
-
Puffs of smoke
-
and totam pole
-
And she panicked
-
calmer now: resting
-
In a teepee
-
Pipe of Peace
-
Lots more smoke
-
Everyone relaxed: chilled
-
Can hear snoring
-
It's the dog
-
He's a boxer
-
And he has
-
a long tail
-
Which is wagging
-
And banging against
-
>wave Dyan<
the fridge door
-
Which is white
-
- covered in magnets ;D
-
Bought on holiday
-
Last year when
-
we visited Iceland
-
By the way ....
-
I've won a
-
Years supply of........
-
Of ice cubes ;D
-
;D. 5 bags a month
-
for G&T?
-
Amongst other things ::)
-
But especially for .....
-
sore, tired feet?
-
a fevered brow
-
not a full bath?
-
And only Lukewarm
-
Tank drained cold?
-
Stoke the fire
> wave CLKD<
-
Warming up now
-
>wave Dyan, wave Janice<
far too hot
-
To Boiling point
>Wave Clkd<
-
Windows open: breeze!
-
Watch out for wasps!! ( I hate them)
-
Give them jam [open a jar outside the house and they don't come inside! same with ants]
-
That's interesting info!!!
-
Mine of information
-
I do try ;D
-
What wld we do....
-
when it rains
-
Heatwave first then...
-
electric blanket required
-
More like a brolly!!
-
What: indoors. Why :D
-
No thinking of after heatwave rain hence brolly!!
Bad luck indoors!!
-
AAAHhh ………
as are birds!
-
What about under...
-
a sun shade?
-
No droppings then!!
-
shaded: cooling: restful
-
Listening to the
-
frogs: croaking: loudly
-
And my noisy boiler ( new one put in last week its blinkin roaring!)
-
That cost mega €
-
It's only money
-
True. Got plenty
-
of roses in flower
-
With lovely scent
>wave CLKD<
-
>Hi Dyan<
and pretty colours
-
Just for you!!
-
Thank you: perfume?
-
Beckhams sweet perfume?
-
Perfume made from sweets?
-
Nope! Sweet smelling perfume
(Apparently by the Beckhams)
-
;D
I could say 'who are the Beckhams?' but I won't ……. :whist:
lavender 4 me
-
( I won't!! everybody knows them)
In a diffuser!!
-
Keeps mozzies away
-
With vapours circulating!!
-
Calming us down
-
<wave Dyan>
rest and relax
-
Mind at peace
-
Slept all day
-
I'm awake now!
-
Let's play chess
-
Can't remember how :-\ ::)
-
Nor me either :-\
-
How about hopscotch
-
>hands over chalk<
-
No hopping then?
-
it's dark here ;D
-
May I giggle then?
-
yep - no accidents!
-
All ends well!!!
-
Too wet to play!
-
Buy some wellies
-
Bright pink ones
-
With purple flowers
-
>wave Dyan<
won't they melt ?
-
>wave CLKD<
Flowers or wellies? :-\
-
Purple flowers? runny …….. ::)
-
It must be the heat. You've lost me now :-\
-
I hope you don't mind girls I had a giggle there!!! ;D
-
'with purple flowers' ;D
flowers wither in the heat ???
I was lost in the Bank yesterday, Himself stood by me to tell me what was required in the various accounts and it slipped straight through my brain, fortunately the Teller knows us well ……. I muttered that I was due back in the care home by 4.30 ::)
-
Don't mind at all Jan68.
We've got to have a giggle while we go through this journey ;D
-
journey
-
Gotta CLKD.
Don't know about flowers, I'm withering in the heat ;D
-
I mean gotcha ;D
-
journey
-
I don't no what to write now!!! I've lost the plot now you two!!!
:drunklaf:
-
Perhaps that's not the right word.its not a very nice one.
-
We're totally off topic ;D
Let's start again
-
Hot and sweaty?
-
I thought we were in the 1-word thread :o
OK - nope: cool; fresh
-
So did I earlier clkd i got confused again!!!
In the shade
-
quietly dozing, snoozing
-
Door bell rings
-
Oh NO it's.........
-
Santa Claus and
-
He's lost his......
-
Elves, Sleigh and cocoa
>wave Ellie<
-
And his calender?
-
And his memory!!!
-
'It's so hot'......
-
But don't care
-
bath time now
-
With rubber duck
-
:rofl:
how did you guess
-
I have three...
-
yellow, brown, white?
-
Yellow of course
-
large, small, medium?
-
Another day begins.......
-
Gosh, you're late
-
' Said the doctor'........
-
tapping my reflexes
-
' OUCH that hurts' !
-
rub it gently?
-
'Man up' he said
-
So I gave him a :kick:
-
Don't do that!!!
-
Far too late ;D
-
He's sulking now
-
Aren't men funny ;D
-
They try to be ::)
-
;D
They never grow up!!! ::)
-
They need guidance
-
By a woman!!
-
with firm voice
-
To the door
-
Of the bathroom
-
with warm towel
-
His told her.............
-
:-\ you've lost me
-
Of course not
-
I wonder sometimes
-
Who I am
-
Going to help
-
make some supper
-
For the cat
-
Who is pregnant
-
Who is due......
-
kittens born: 4
-
Need good homes :-*
-
I will give.....
-
a large donation
-
Of my blood
-
into a tube
-
donate to a good cause
-
Give some aid
-
To the little
-
[three -ish ;D ]
local play school
-
Who need help
-
with hop-scotch
-
;D oh do they?
-
teachers need teaching
-
Need plenty then!!
-
Chalk; paint; guidance?
-
And patience galore
-
did they learn?
-
Some of them
-
Bored? The rest?
-
Too busy chattering
-
;D
about anything in particular?
-
Suddenly there was........
-
a loud bang
-
kids dropping books?
-
'Shhhhh 'said the.....
-
Cross old librarian
-
and no chattering
-
lets sing loudly
-
There's always one!!
-
It's usually me ;D
-
The librarian fainted!
-
Smashed her glasses
-
More expense! Oh!
-
Back to Specsavers!
-
Tortoishell frames: smart
-
Plus free sunglasses
-
Ready for holidays ☀️
-
Going to Barbados :)
-
Now I've got an ear worm ;D
-
Plane landed saftly ( worm as well)
-
Warm: humid: air-con?
-
Very beautiful beach
-
Palm trees: surf
-
Midnight beach party 🌛🌛🌴🌴🍷🍸
-
Getting ready now
-
Oh nooooo I've....
-
Got sand in.......😳
-
All the orifices...
-
Stand. Shake. Wriggle!
-
Wobble wobble wobble ;D
-
Midnight skinny dip 🌜🌜🌜
-
Bed now s'pose
-
Mosquitos bit my 😳😳😳
-
B**bs! Need cream
-
Because we are........
-
Itching like mad
-
Soothing cream applied
-
Right, what's next
-
Enough now going.....
-
To dream about....
-
Becoming a model!! ;D
-
Because my neighbour
-
Would be jealous
-
Of my Very High Heels
-
And long legs
-
I am stunning ::)
-
Entering miss world 👙👑
-
Yep,cant wait
-
For a bus
-
traveling in style ;D
-
Cushion on seat
-
Pure luxury bliss
-
Deep tissue massage
-
By a dashing....
-
Hyper-active physio terrorist... :spin: :spin:
-
Who has a ......
-
Terrifying secret weapon
-
A bath bomb 😄
-
With lavender scent :sick02:
-
That makes you....
-
sneeze, cough, splutter
-
And far to strong!!
-
Keeps mozzies away
-
Waiter likes it 👍🏼👄👄
-
I like him ....
-
His French accent ........
-
And good looks
-
Make me want.....💋👄💍😍👍🏼
-
To get married
-
There's a problem.....
-
He's already married?
-
the dirty rat!!
-
step away girl
-
Ok. There's always
-
His brother who.......
-
Is younger and
-
Like Colin Firth
-
'Darling' he says 👀👀
-
Here's my creditcard
-
So she buys........
-
Clothes and a
-
Set of underwear
-
Knock at door !!!
-
It's Santa Claus :o
-
'Your too early'........
-
;D you fell for it
you're too early - it's not snowing
-
Go away......said
-
The mans wife
-
He's nothing but......... >:(
-
A typical man
-
All talk and.........
-
no trousers! chilly ;D
-
'But he's loaded'....... :'(
-
why the tears?
-
He's spent it ::)
-
All on me ;D
-
Will you share?
-
catch me first ;D
-
Ok I will 🚴♀️🚴♀️🚴♀️
-
:rofl:
Is that Mark Cavendish ……. [cycles]
-
Noooooo it's female. (This is him 🚴🏻)
-
;D
Lizzie Armistead: fast!
-
I am faster ::)
-
Bums on fire :na:
-
;D
get some ice-cubes ?
-
From the freezer
-
That's in the
-
Mother in laws kitchen........
-
She's not in
-
On her broomstick 😜
-
And coming to you!!!
-
:rofl:
whizzed right by :D
-
And fell into......
-
our fish ponds
-
Algae on head
>wave CLKD<
-
>hi! Dyan<
messy; green; smelly
-
Kermit the frog 🐸
-
:lol:
men in a balcony
-
Eh?
-
I'm confused :-\
-
the 2 in the balcony …… Jim Henson "muppets"/Kermit, Miss Piggy ::)
it will pass
-
Said the doctor ;D
-
Didn't suggest when?
-
Take a laxative
-
And sit near.......
-
To the loo
-
Expect a big. :hotflash:
-
Very messy indeed!!
-
Call a plumber ;D
-
Need a mop
-
I feel sick :sick02:
-
Passes bowl over
-
Someone's watching because.......
-
my neighbours r nosey!!
-
Curtain twitchers then
-
They work for........
-
The national trust
-
In a castle
-
with knights as
-
Chamber maids, because........
-
They are rich
-
And like to.......
-
Count their money
-
Suddenly there's a.......
-
Scream from the
-
Tower.....they see...
-
their steeds escaping :o (Knights, Chargers)
-
But they don't
-
catch them quickly
-
So now they......
-
Have to walk
-
With their shoes
-
That are threadbare :-\
-
Can't afford more
-
Tanners will make more
-
At what cost :-\
-
Two and six
-
Ok. Anyway I'm
-
Tired now, because.....
-
I didn't sleep
-
Because too many....
-
Drinks last night
-
HIC! Pardon me :madeyes: :barf:
-
Guy Martin's attempt ……..
-
Hip Hip Hurray
-
And Andy Murray
-
Ohhhh, nice kilt! :banana:
-
From charity shop
-
On high street
-
Only cost £3
-
Got moth holes......
-
For fresh air ;D
-
Clears the head
-
Itching all over
-
Got a rash
-
All over my....
-
toes; itchy nuisance
-
Got athletes foot?
-
Nope. Insect bites >:( ::)
-
Nasty little beasts
-
With our sensitive...
-
tender skin; Calomine?
-
Arrr that's better :)
-
Stopped itching: slippers?
-
In this heat ::)
-
My feet are cold :D
-
Need hot waterbottle
-
will you fill it?
-
Yes of course
-
Gin or whiskey?
-
Bad for liver😬
-
Don't care: whisky! (now)
-
One double , cheers! 🍷
-
Hic! too peaty :-\
-
Red wine better :D
-
Can't drink wine ::)
-
Because it is .....
-
Not in fridge
-
Anything else though :)
-
Bag of popcorn?
-
Rather have crisps
-
Cheese and onion
-
Any will do
-
Not fussy then?
-
Only sometimes if.....
-
I am annoyed
-
Then I always
-
Crave some chocolate
-
It fills the....
-
Time whilst I'm
-
Doing my nails 💅🏻
-
Which colour today?
-
Red , because today......
-
I had time
-
My red frilly...... :madeyes:
-
Skirt matches perfectly
-
My lipstick too :-*
-
Black hat: feathers?
-
Off we go.........
-
On my bicycle
-
Helmet: knee and elbow pads?
-
Off I go...........
-
Brakes don't work
-
'Mind the BEND' :cuss: :madeyes: :madeyes:
-
Over the handlebars 🚴🏻
-
Need an ambulance :rant:
-
Ooh handsome paramedics
-
Better now: tandem?
-
Might be better
-
If they stay
-
in a straight line!
-
That's difficult because........
-
I'm feeling disoriented
-
Due to the
-
Wobberly white lines :o
-
Too much alcohol
-
;D
can't see straight
-
Should have gone .............👓
-
For a check-up
-
On my brain
-
The problem is
-
It's shrunk so :stupid:
-
No memory bank
-
What's the question???
-
:lol:
was there one?
-
Where am I :bounci: :parti: ???
-
In the sunshine?
-
By the pool
-
getting a tan
-
But, the pool
-
Looks very inviting
-
It's gone green ;)
-
No swimming then
-
The lifeguard said............
-
Someone was peeing
-
wearing budgie smugglers
-
Should be banned !!!!!!!!!
-
Poor wee budgies...
-
He's lost them :oops:
-
;D
lost the budgies or ?
-
They went down.......
-
The pool filter
-
Now he's naked😂
-
Not pretty sight ;D
-
Pass a towel
-
Small will do ;D ::)
-
;D
oh give him 2!
-
His Mother arrives.......
-
She is disgusted
-
About the mess
-
'Wait till I'..........she says
-
Tidy this up
-
Into a bag
-
Otherwise I will
-
Loose my temper :cuss: :hotflash:
-
And regret it
-
Count to ten
-
Before chastising son
-
for being naughty
-
Here comes Dad :-\
-
Why's he crying?
-
someone pinched his
-
New iPhone and
-
He's been fired
-
Out of cannon
-
Broke his teeth ....... :o :'(
-
Face a mess
-
Could be worse
-
Could be raining
-
Now it is >:(
-
Need a holiday
-
Fancy somewhere hot
-
But a problem.......
-
Lost my passport
-
Butlins or Pontins ? :(
-
Nope! Camper van
-
Off to Blackpool? :cancan:
-
Kiss me quick
-
We just met !! :o :rofl:
-
Love at first...
-
Sight? No because
-
He bit me!
-
Then he said..........
-
I love you
-
He's very odd
-
Not my type
-
Very very odd!!
-
Two left feet !!!
-
Awkward when dancing
-
Don't dance, because
-
Haven't got rhythm
-
Got blues though :'(
-
Think it's menapause :)
-
Oh poor thing!!
-
Feeling very hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
A hose down?
-
Call the fire brigade ? :) ;)
-
Oh yes please!! ;D
-
Where's my 💄
-
Just in case 💋💋💘
-
The firemen are 💪🏻
-
in uniform ;D
-
And very busy
-
Greasing their pole ;D
-
Sliding everywhere ;D
-
Fun to watch
-
He's coming over! :oops: :wub:
-
Ok, breathe in
-
Oh gosh he's...
-
Not wearing his....... :rofl:
-
Fireman boots ;D
-
But does have
-
His socks on ::)
-
Shame about the.......... :o
-
Pink dotty socks
-
And the smell
-
He stood in :meauh:
-
Something very unpleasant
-
Which was green
-
Jelly and Ice-cream?
-
Not even close
-
Got any wipes?
-
Hose him down ;D
-
With nice smellys
-
Some Jo Malone?
-
Deep bubbles? Please ;D
-
Scented candles too?
-
Mind the wax
-
Put it on ....
-
The floor because
-
He needs glasses......
-
For reading and...........
-
Shoes for dancing
-
At the wedding
-
In the forest
-
Let's get merry?
-
Ooooh what with?
-
The secret supply .....shhhhhhh :na: :yes:
-
Of expensive champagne?
-
With plenty of fizz
-
Oh! Too fizzy :sick02: :drunklaf:
-
I've no sympathy ;D
-
How very cruel :cuss: :-[
-
No not really
-
Serves me right ? :'(
-
Self inflicted? Shame
-
You never learn
-
That's because I............
-
Keep making mistakes
-
Over and over
-
Round and round
-
Now I've fallen :rofl:
-
and landed on
-
A Pot of gold! :hapij: :hapij: :clapping:
-
Just your luck
-
Are you sharing?
-
Your good fortune
-
You have to be....... ;)
-
Nice to me
-
We always are
-
Except the time >:( :poke2:
-
You stole my
-
Chocolate bar and
-
Shall I forgive??? :neutral:
-
Good god no!
-
You ate it
-
And didn't care
-
If I starved
-
I'd blame you
-
Because you have
-
Lots of money
-
Under the bed!
-
And the wardrobe
-
A lion, a witch and …...
-
The snow queen
>wave CLKD<
-
Who always goes
-
Shopping at stresso's ;D
-
No? Not stresscos? :-\ :-\ :-\ :-\ :-\
-
Don't like Stressc
-
Nor do i >:(
-
Do like Painsburys
-
Yes, me too
-
Is anybody there? ;D
-
Yes I'm here
-
Well hello LM!
-
Hello!! How's things?
-
Not too bad
-
Ready for Christmas
-
Deck the Halls.....
-
Buy the supplies
-
Heavy show forecast!
-
make hair appointment
-
Having a perm
-
Buy a hat ;D
-
Can't. No money
-
Get a job
-
Can't find one
-
Oh dear,no
-
Turkey at Christmas
-
open the Baileys..
-
Champagne all gone?
-
yes...hic...burp
-
Sleep it off
-
In the park
-
next to the
-
Small duck pond
-
Where I often
-
Eat my lunch
-
Cheese and pickle
-
On a hedgehog
-
who doesn't mind
-
Because he's got
-
tin foil pants
-
He buys them
-
From better ware 😂
-
:). His neighbour likes
-
Leather trousers and
-
Stinky Afghan coat
-
He's only young
-
He won't remember
-
Anything about the.........
>wave CLKD<
-
>lovely to see you Dyan<
Afghans being fashionable
-
Because of the
-
history: 1960s : hippies ;D
-
;D and mini skirts :o
> :thankyou: CLKD<
-
with Pop socks?
-
Or stripey tights/leg warmers
-
Coloured platform shoes
-
pair of stilts
-
don't like heights :D
-
Balance very wobbly
-
did you fall :o
-
Yes, in hospital
-
sending you :foryou:
-
Get well soon
-
>wave< Lanzalover
-
<wave back> CLKD
-
Whisky should help :D
-
Tried that but
-
you got hiccups ???
-
For 2 days!
-
Milk of Magnesia?
-
Makes me :sick02:
-
;D
hands over bucket [like I would NOT]
-
Feel better now
-
part from cold feet
-
Hot waterbottle required
-
Bottle has hole
-
Off to Chemist?
-
No its closed
-
Heat large rocks?
-
No, ordered online
-
with fluffy cover ?
-
Yes. It cost
-
£2.10/6
-
I also spent
-
6d on socks
-
Are you regressing ;D
-
more each day ;D
-
All the time 🤔
-
feeling anxious: but
-
It's because of
-
too much to do
-
It'll get done
-
in small steps
-
Unless I suddenly
-
do some gardening?
-
I have 2 acres
-
with Shetland ponies
-
But no mower
-
Buy a goat?
-
Just the one?
-
4 or 5?
-
How much though?
-
£200 per Nanny
-
Cheaper to buy mower ;D
-
;D [that was a guess but having looked on a farming for sale site :o]
can't milk a mower :D
-
True but if
-
they get out :o [goats and ferrets are great escape artists ;D ]
-
They will spoil
-
the Spring flowers
-
But never mind
-
goats like hay
-
So do I
-
Weetabix is better!
-
;D. Have you tried hay? ;D
-
;D not recently - tuff on the teeeefff
-
dental appointment done
-
Was it expensive
-
not at all
-
Did you cry
-
Not this time :medal:
-
I was brave
-
For a change
-
of scenery: Fens?
-
Or Lake district
-
Ambleside: Keswick: Helvellyn?
-
Rather fancy Barbados
-
Means flying: nope
-
I'll go littleminnie ☀️
-
Count me in ☀️☀️☀️
-
Can I come ?
-
Barbados or the Lakes ;D
-
Barbados for me
-
Cossie packed then?
-
Sunshine and cocktails 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻
-
Crystal clear water
-
A beautiful beach
-
Thin, white sand
-
Listening to waves
-
On the shore
-
Under a trolley?
-
Or even a brolly ;D
-
;D
with a lolly
-
White Magnum please
-
Like all lollies
-
[love the 'March' logo littleM!]
I'm dribbling again ::)
-
Where's your bib? :)
-
In the wash
-
clean and dried
-
Ready for more
-
ice lollies and
-
Lots of lovely....
-
Champagne with raspberries
-
Covered in white
-
Bits of tissue
-
;D ........ they will pick off!
-
Got any sellotape?
-
Thin or wide?
-
Wider the better
-
Stickier: job done!
-
Excellent. But I've
-
dropped the roll ::)
-
Down the toilet
-
Flushed away: gone :o
-
Got a blockage :o
-
Use a laxative?
-
Had those. Nothing🚽
-
works! Better today ;)
-
Because I've got
-
an exercise regime
-
That starts tomorrow
-
dressage; show jumping?
-
Was thinking croquet
-
with flamingos? pink?
-
Match my outfit
-
Did U win?
-
Yep. Stomped home.
-
to a hot shower?
-
I prefer cold
-
:o : warm towel?
-
Fluffy dressing gown?
-
Pale cream coloured :)
-
With cosy hoodie
-
And big pockets
-
For my choccy
-
coloured bed socks
-
Don't wear socks
-
Because of the
-
fluff between toes
-
Need cleaning then?
-
with wire brush?
-
No, feather duster
-
And maids outfit !
-
Oh! get you ;D
-
Are you jealous ?
-
Not a bit ;D
-
You obviously looked 🙂
-
I saw her
-
planting shrubs and flowers
-
In the rain
-
Wearing only a
-
huge Mexican sombrero
-
The neighbours watching
-
Liking the attention
-
She is getting
-
Up early tomorrow
-
You or the neighbours ???
-
The neighbours, because
-
It's find "EasterEgg"!!!!
-
With very special
-
Easter egg hunt
-
Because hidden inside
-
is a moth
-
The size of
-
Cadburys Cream Egg
-
In foil: flapping?
-
It's been sedated.
-
Let it go?
-
Sorry. Squash it.
-
Moth police will
-
be very cross
-
And handcuff you
-
Will give you
-
a good spanking
-
if you're lucky..
-
Looking forward to
-
Anybody out there?
-
Yep ;D
looking forwards to - cutting some roses
-
Love pink roses
-
in a tall vase
-
On my table
-
By the window
Lanzalover x
-
Next to the
-
delicate glass vase
-
My grandmother loved
-
But we hate
-
in case it breaks
-
It's not insured!
-
Can't afford insurance
-
an antique though
-
Worth a lot
-
Might sell it
-
Lots of cash
-
To spend on ......
-
Maybe a handbag
-
Yes! And a
-
New wig because
-
Haircut went wrong
-
Shave for Charity?
-
Made a fortune
-
Invest wisely for
-
That rainy day
-
to spend on?
-
A magic carpet
-
To float away
-
into a bubble bath
-
With champagne cocktails
-
And yummy nibbles
-
and gorgeous desserts
-
Messy: pulls plug :D
-
Music now stopped!
-
75rpm: loud, noisy
-
My old neighbour 😡
-
all night long ::)
-
New born baby
-
Never stops crying
-
Tiny tears doll
-
Does she wee ?
-
Only on potty
-
She's very bright
-
A shining star
-
A bright moon
-
over a lake
-
Cosy little cabin
-
Log fire burning
-
Watching a film
-
naked and warm
-
:o
What's that noise?
-
;D me snoring :-X
-
Pillow over head
-
It's a bear!
-
Really! What now?
-
Run faster quick
-
What about my
-
Wig it might.....
-
slip off: :o
-
swallow a turkey
-
with or without feathers?
-
with plus giblets
-
Feel sick now :sick02:
-
that will pass
-
pass wind
-
What's that smell
-
Scent of flowers
-
freshly cut sweet-peas
-
Lovely bright colours
-
Purple; magenta; cream
-
It's very bright
-
to the West
-
Sun has set
-
Moon is out
-
And sparkling stars.
-
Grab a blanket
-
........ shake it out
-
Spiders run off
-
Into hidey holes
-
in the skirting
-
Under the duvet :bed:
-
shake the duvet?
-
Call the husband
-
husband ran away ;D
-
he's a wuss
-
except when cooking
-
My favourite food
-
Which is goulash
-
Lovely Hungarian dish
-
With bottle red
-
bubble bath, fizzy
-
Sherbet, saucer, liquorice
-
;D that's taken me back :)
old fashioned sweets
-
modern day prices
-
sticky paper wrappings
-
Lots of sugar
-
Rot your teeth
-
Very sticky fingers
-
The Rolling stones !
-
;D
Henge
-
Heavy building work
-
Hot sweaty workers
-
The Three Musketeers
-
All for one
-
One for all
-
The Three Musketeers
-
Three blind mice
-
Then ran down
-
The cat pounced
-
He's very slow
-
Here comes the........
-
rain. Brollies up?
>wave ellie<
-
Lost the brolly
-
So dripping wet
-
hot shower required
-
Boiler is kaput
-
Boil the kettle
-
The babies due 👶🏻
-
1 or twins?
-
WOW it's triplets! 👶🏻👶🏻👶🏻
-
3 little girls
-
all those nappies :o
-
No sleep now
-
Feeding: every 3 hours
-
Lambing seasons hard
-
But so enjoyable
-
Especially when the.......
-
Neighbours next door
-
Warm them in the Aga
-
The baby lambs?
-
Yep. Saves lives ;)
-
Mother in law did that
-
was she a Nurse?
-
No, travel agent
-
Flying 1st Class?
-
A farmer CLKD
-
Wellies, socks, buckets?
-
All very muddy
-
Get the hose?
-
The fireman said.......
-
But, the problem
-
Is no water
-
So they went
-
Down to the
-
Reservoir, but because
-
water was low
-
They came back
-
Then tried again
-
Success they cried!
-
Then cried again
-
Took them coffee
-
And munchies too
-
They ate until.........
-
They fell asleep
-
They got burgled
-
Everything got taken
-
No insurance either
-
Didn't matter because.......
-
They scooped lottery
-
And replaced everything
-
And booked a.........
-
Week in lanzarote
-
In a Villa
-
By the sea
-
The day arrived 👙🕶
-
Time to go
-
The captain said......... 👩✈️
-
Open the champagne
-
Bumpy ride ahead!!
-
Seat belts on
-
We soon arrived 🌞🌞
-
To our destination
-
Sun, sea, scenery
-
Sand, Sangria 🍷 and?
-
Beach barbecue fun
-
Very tired now
-
Forty winks time
-
Beach party tonight
-
Skinny dipping at mid-night?
-
A peeping tom :madeyes:
-
With his binoculars
-
Call the police !
-
And Nick him
-
But, it's their
-
Photographer being naught
-
Ignore him and......
-
Skinny dip too
-
The waters lovely
-
Come on in
-
Where's my armbands
-
And my flippers
-
Sharks got them :cuss:
-
"Give them back!" :D
-
They ate them
-
New day dawns...... :sunny:
-
And guess what
-
it's really quiet
-
Perhaps it's because
-
the snow is thick
-
It's never snowed..........
-
As much since
-
The curse of......... :bounci: :madeyes: 🧙♂️
-
The Flying Snowman?
-
And the snowdog
-
;D
who loves the snow
-
Let's build a ☃️☃️☃️☃️
-
Get thick gloves?
-
And a carrot
-
A hat too
-
Lost the hat
-
Found another so......
-
We're okay, but
-
We have company!!!
-
Ooooooh. Somebody famous?
-
Yes he's got.........
-
A bodyguard, it's
-
THE.....Donald Trump! :welcomemm: :rofl:
-
We'll be on Twitter!!
-
Ignore fake news
-
Only deal in facts
-
The holiday ends :'(
-
Let's book another!
-
On a cruise? 🛳
-
An expensive one
-
Round the world?
-
See new countries
-
Need lots of spends
-
We could sell............
-
The Lamborghini because
-
The neighbours are.....l.l
-
Jealous of it
-
Because their car.........
-
has no wheels
-
The cruise begins......☀️🛳
-
in Southampton tomorrow?
-
Yep. 8am start.
-
The bands playing 🎼🎼🎼🎺🎺
-
Welcoming us aboard
-
Champagne is flowing
-
Bye bye Southampton
-
Seas getting rough :sick02:
-
We'll be fine
-
The Captains called.........?
-
Nico, he's from
-
Glasgow: has a parrot
-
In his cabin
-
Peices of eight
-
That's his name?
-
No it's Polly ;)
-
He's a twin
-
Dinner is served......
-
Ooooh what've got?
-
Turkey and tinsel
-
On Captains table
-
The Captain announces...............
-
A free bar!
-
of chocolate Flake
-
Top of cornet
-
Cornet? that's a trumpet :-\
-
ice cream cornet
-
There's land ahoy!!!
-
Let's go ashore
-
Look it's Barbados
-
Sun, sand, rum
-
The suns HOT :sunny:
-
Love the sun
-
Feel so happy
-
It's our honeymoon :love: :bed:
-
You've had 3!
-
Fourth time lucky ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
Try the casino
-
Ooo high stakes
-
Only got 2K
-
Stick on black
-
What's that noise ? 🎅🎅
-
The captains drunk
-
Too much rum
-
Xmas eve party :party: :party09: :-[
-
Join the fun
-
I've brought trifle :)
-
Where's the sherry
-
In the trifle ;D
-
And my tummy
-
Feeling very merry ( hick) :cancan: :party09:
-
Let's go swimming
-
No.....'All aboard "
-
Where we going?
-
The BIG APPLE ;D
-
5th Avenue shopping!! :spin:
-
Sales are on ;)
-
Been saving up
-
Going to Macy's
-
Look for bargains
-
People are fighting!! :'(
-
Over enormous television
-
I bought it!
-
It's been recalled :D
-
Really? Why's that
-
Only speaks Chinese!
-
I could learn :o
-
Shop manager says........
-
We're going down
-
Start the sales
-
But don't sell......
-
Chocolate covered ants
-
They're very scarce
-
Worth a fortune :o
-
Nice and crispy
-
SHHHHH!! Said the...........
-
Yoga teacher, we're
-
Hanging upside down!
-
Another 10 minutes
-
Then they're off
-
To the mountain
-
In the alps
-
The wood cabin
-
Where Heidi lived
-
With her grandad
-
It was scary :-\
-
Full of spiders
-
The size of.........
-
A dinner plate
-
But never mind
-
Spiders taste good
-
If deep fried
-
They're zero calories
-
And I'm hungry
-
Piece of toast?
-
Yes, and jam
-
Dont forget cream
-
Borsch
-
....sour cream ;D
-
Vanilla ice cream
-
Very full now
-
Stuffed to bursting
-
Wish I hadn't
-
Wish I could ;D
-
Start the diet :-\
-
Oh must I :-X
-
I'm afraid so
-
Cabbage soup diet?
-
No will power ;D
-
And parpy pants
-
Happens a lot ;D
-
At this age
-
Bridget Jones knickers
-
Holds all in
-
And up hopefully
-
Quite a feat
-
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
But needs must!
-
Talking of needs :D
-
I need a.......
-
New man because
-
I'm worth it
-
Rather have cat ;D
-
;D
-
Never talks back ;D
-
But they're messy :sigh:
-
Yes theyre men ;D
-
One man said!
-
But never mind
-
Let's move on......
-
Because my wife......
-
Needs a change
-
She's fed up
-
Wants a holiday ;D
-
On her own >:(
-
Hi Dyan,
Just wanted to let you know that I have sent you a PM, hope you get it!
Love Magsxxx
-
Definitely no kids
-
Somewhere very warm
-
Oh yes please
-
In the sauna ;)
-
Working up sweat ;D
-
Lose this tummy
-
Lift this bum
-
Trim those thighs
-
I'm going Zumba
-
A letter arrives >:(
-
It's bad news
-
They've cancelled Zumba ;D
-
Because last night
-
We had hangovers
-
:rofl:
oh no we didn't
-
Only had 4
-
Too much coffee
-
Everyone was hyper :spin: :hapij:
-
Time for bed 😴
-
What's happening today
-
Not a lot ;D
-
The postman brings......
-
My lottery cheque
-
That's 4 now
-
Swimming pool built :)
-
Life guard employed ::)
-
Cinema room next
-
Popcorn and coke
-
The phone rang!
-
Don't answer it ;D
-
It's the neighbours
-
Hide behind sofa😂
-
They'll see you
-
Wearing my husbands.......
-
Post mans uniform
-
He's even got :o
-
A fireman's helmet ;D ;D
-
Sorry but I'm giggling my head off here, filthy mind ;D
-
Just in case ;).
Been giggling too!
-
Because sometimes we
-
Like to pretend :vibe:
-
And dress up
-
Only on Saturdays
-
On Sunday we.......
-
iron it; ready
-
For some action ::)
-
But, I'm going
-
To church first......
-
Confess my sins ???
-
I have lots
-
of warm socks
-
And big knickers :-*
-
Don't wear them
-
on your head
-
again, because you'll
-
Die with smell ;D
-
Smell the flowers :foryou:
-
So much nicer ;D
-
And more attractive
-
But the hayfever >:(
-
Need a pill
-
Because I think.......
-
it's still snowing
-
Stopped now raining
-
Shall we play......
-
Not more uniforms ;D ;D
-
Naked then? Chilly
-
As nature intended ;D
-
as the day we were born ;D
-
Today I'm going
-
On a diet
-
Because soon I'm
-
Wearing my bikini 8)
-
And fur coat......
-
But no knickers :-\
-
You'll catch piles!
-
Already got those
-
....... piles of diamonds
-
Extremely rich so.........
-
Sapphire and Emeralds
-
Added to pile
-
Wood pile burning
-
In log cabin
-
With furry rug
-
Netflix and wine
-
Late night tonight ::) ;D
-
Watching the stars
-
Under the brolly
-
Hate the rain
-
Leaves pretty dew-drops ;)
-
I've wet my!
-
OH! do tell ;D
-
What's your secret ;D
-
Wearing my Grandmas....... ;)
-
Starched, white, pantaloons
-
:rofl: They shafe but :'(
-
Have pulling power 🤪
-
Especially when you..... :-*
-
Give the wink 😉
-
With a nod :yes:
-
But no success :-\
-
I'm a failure :-\
-
Or am I ?
-
That's the question
-
Pantaloons in white?
-
Get them off ;D
-
the line, it's raining
-
Oh not again!
-
The neighbours watching!!!
-
I don't care!
-
Catch an eyeful ;D
-
You are naughty!
-
You are awful 😂
-
...I like you
-
I like sausages
-
With my chips
-
And brown sauce
-
And sometimes ketchup
-
Ive spilt some :'(
-
Beans on mines
-
Over my cream
-
Puff with custard
-
Never mind because......
-
There's pudding coming
-
with runny custard?
-
And strawberry jelly
-
and ice cream
-
Where's the rennies
-
Got sore tum ;D
-
:rofl:
have a massage?
-
He's too tired ;D
-
Wake him up!!! :veil: :bed:
-
Rather watch Corrie 😂
-
:clapping:
not Wildlife programmes? [or is that the same :-X]
-
bag of crisps?
-
Maybe. What flavour?
-
Don't say sausage😂😂
-
Remember nik -naks?
-
Nope: do tell?
-
spicy saucy crisps!
-
Burn your lips👀🤪
-
On hot toddy
-
Send for doctor 💉
-
Pref menopause one ;D
-
Doctor is ill
-
Send Dr Foster?
-
Busy elsewhere ::)
-
She always was
-
Paracetamol it is
-
Stronger than that
-
Have another toddie 🍹 ;D
-
>hands over glass<
-
Lips over glass ;D
-
sip it down
-
Peuk it up 🤮
-
Let's have another
-
Can see double :o :o
-
Want a double? ;D
-
Yeos whyy note :D :clapping: :spin: :banana:
-
Had a few?🤫😂
-
gusts of wind
-
It's the sprouts
-
Shout “wind ahoy†;D
-
:lol:
Hoist the sails!
-
Shiver me timbers
-
Pieces of eight
-
Monkey; Parrot; crutches
-
Vet school maybe😂
-
Mind: they BITE ;D
-
Watch out Crocodiles!!
-
Crocodile Rock Yay!
-
And Crocodile Shoes!
-
Crocodile World: I kid you not ;) [near Brize Norton]
-
Not going there!!
-
I'll go. Tomorrow?
-
If it's sunny?
[we found Crocodile World really interesting ;-) ]
-
Make it snappy😂😂
-
:lol:
elastic pants broke :o
-
Can't go then?
-
Get a nappy pin?
-
set security off!
-
Noise warning alarms?
-
I'm not staying!
-
May I join u?
-
get new elastic
-
Before they drop ;D
-
On the floor
-
What an embarassment!
-
Guess who's peeping ;D
-
Noooo, the gardeners
-
That postman again 😂
-
shout the dog!!
-
Chase him off
-
It's too late
-
Bit his bum
-
Gone to hospital
-
For some stitches
-
in his britches
-
Nurses in stitches!
-
Carry on Matron!
-
Up the kyber
-
with sid james!
-
That Dates You ;D
-
Loved his laugh
-
It was fun
-
We need that
-
Bless this House
-
St Bernard Dog?
-
The Winters Brothers (mike & Bernie?)
-
Snorble was it?
-
Yep. That's him .........
-
Wasnt it Schnorbitz?
-
Spit the dog :scottie:
-
& Bob Carolgees
-
‘Tiswas Saturday morning ;D
-
No Swap Shop
-
Far Too Early ::)
-
Having lie in
-
Because last night
-
Had visitors here
-
So did we :o
-
After they left
-
We found a........
-
flea :o squashed it ;D
-
Nice and flat
-
Next to cockroach!!!🕷
-
Also have mice
-
three: blind: white?
-
Ran up clock
-
clock struck one
-
The cat appeared!!!
-
And she's pregnant!
-
Who's the Daddy??
-
:cat48: It ain't me >:(
-
False alarm!wind.
-
with snow and sleet
-
Must be oop North
-
Headed Down South ;D
-
Mind the gap!
-
In your teeth
-
Get some floss
-
From the fairground
-
Waltzers spin us!
-
:sick02: + :beaurk: + spinning
-
Spinning wheel wool
-
Baa Baa Black...
-
The little lambs
-
Are getting cold
-
Knit them jumpers?
-
Let's do it
-
find some needles
-
What colour wool?
-
Would you like?
-
Pink and blue
-
One of each
-
There's a problem.....
-
Wools run out😂
-
Let's go shopping
-
Get your purse ;D
-
And your spare!
-
Tyre in tow
-
Call a taxi
-
To wool shop
-
,it's market day
-
It's too busy
-
Handsome farmers everywhere!
-
Have they sheep?
-
Forget the sheep
-
They've got villas
-
Need a holiday
-
Lot's of sun :sunny:
-
Oh yes please
-
Forget the diet !
-
For this week
-
Loads of pasta
-
Glasses of wine
-
Down the pub
-
Down the hatch
-
Midnight feast tonight
-
Doritos for me
-
Chilli Heat wave
-
Hot spicy food
-
Need a Doctor :hotflash: :barf:
-
Quick quick quick!
-
Air rescue needed :madeyes: 🚁
-
Let's not panic
-
Keep calm and
-
Take the pills
-
WOW the pills.......... :o
-
Magic bean pills
-
Cures all ills :pills:
-
Give me loads ;D
-
jack and beanstalk
-
Jack and Jill
-
Jack an ory!! (sorry)
-
::)😂
-
Let's keep focused ???
-
Tell a story
-
True or fairy?
-
Oh fairy please
-
other brands are available ;D
-
Oh like what? ;)
-
Once upon a time........
-
only once: :o
-
Twice upon a time.......
-
Dr Who episode
-
With “the masterâ€
-
We will exterminate
-
The mice because.....
-
They are scary
-
scuttling, scratching, scrabbling :o
-
Whilst I'm trying
-
Shave my whiskers! ::)
-
On my toes
-
No socks then?
-
Not on Saturdays :)
-
Fluffy slippers then?
-
Keep feet toastie
-
no chilblains or corns
-
Corn on cob
-
Jolly Green Giant
-
Jack the beanstalk
-
He's behind you!
-
It's a ghost :bounci:
-
Casper friendly ghost
-
Randall & Hopkirk(deceased)
-
Private detective ghosts(loved them)
-
The sixth sense
-
Brill but scary ;D
-
Watched it twice
-
To get it
-
Ask for more
-
Like Oliver Twist?
-
Read the book
-
Write a story........Let's begin.
-
Written much yet?
-
just the title. ::)
-
Every journey begins .........
-
Suitcases all packed....☀️☀️🌎
-
Where we going?
-
To find sun
-
Okay I'll pack
-
I've packed already
-
For my maps
-
Always getting lost
-
Use your maps! 😂
-
Can't get signal ;D
-
A mystery tour ?
-
With the Beatles
-
Singing...Yellow Submarine 🎼🎼
-
We all live
-
Near the sea
-
Row Row row.......
-
Get ashore quickly🐬
-
The Sharks hunting!
-
Oh not again
-
left cossie behind :o
-
The lifeboats arrived!!! 😔⛴⚓️
-
Love men in Uniform ;D
-
Especially if they.....
-
Are under 40 :o
-
Not inches long 😂😂
-
pounds, shillings and pence?
-
Cheap at price
-
The next day.......
-
we went shopping
-
For baby clothes
-
in pale lemon?
-
And baby pink
-
Because it's twins! 🥂🍼👼🏻👼🏻
-
3 sets now
-
of new crockery
-
For the buffet
-
On Saturday, but
-
The marquee isn't........
-
Big enough: hotel?
-
Five Star ***** because......
-
I'm worth it ;D
-
:clapping:
despite the expense
-
Hang the money
-
Champagne all round
-
Make mines double
-
chip chocolate ice-cream
-
Run out. Mint?
-
With a flake
-
Salted caramel too
-
sounds tempting until ???
-
I realise that
-
My big fat..........
-
fingers: dropped the cone :-\
-
🙄🤭oops buy another
-
No more money
-
for ice-cream: chips?
-
Cyprus chips please
-
Served with sunshine?
-
Big dollop ketchup 🤫
-
Oh: so messy :D [what's Cyprus chips anyway :-\ ]
-
Got wet wipes. Made from Cyprus potatoes I assume
-
::)correct.cant beat them for home made chips only place I can get them now is on the fruit market.xx
-
Need for chins
-
Chins? How many?
-
Two double chins....
-
And the rest 😂
-
Only have one ::)
-
One is enough
-
Surgeon to fix......
-
my messy chin
-
Jimll fix it 😂
-
with a paper bag ;D
-
Over his head
-
Guess what happened ! :o
-
I sneezed - twice :D
-
And dropped my
-
Frilly pink knickers :oops:
-
Very very embarrassing
-
Could be worse
-
I could have......
-
Big boxer shorts
-
That belonged to?
-
A famous boxer
-
Sold those - ebay
-
To a sailor
-
And his mate
-
To make sails
-
For next journey
-
Across to Ireland
-
Using the ferry
-
I made 3k
-
On the lottery
-
Then spent it :'(
-
Really! On what?
-
Fluffy slippers, lemon
-
And a Villa!
-
With heated pool
-
In darkest Africa
-
In the jungle
-
What about bugs?
-
Fly swatter to hand :D
-
For roaming hands?
-
Bring them on 😂
-
Keep them busy
-
Chopping the wood
-
Nice log fire :-*
-
Pink marshmallows? Toasted.
-
Until his wife......... :angryfire:
-
Got very drunk
-
And fell in!
-
Covered in marshmallows ;D
-
They even got....... ::) ::)
-
In secret spaces
-
Between her toes😂
-
up her nose
-
Lord snootys wife
-
Spends a lot
-
On her hair
-
She like to......
-
Colour it green
-
Get the ketchup!!!
-
For the burgers.......
-
and the chips.......
-
No salad then?
-
Rabbit ate it ;D
-
;D that's unfortunate
-
Fox got rabbit
-
Farmer shot fox
-
Wife shot farmer
-
Never liked him!!!?
-
Wanted his dosh
-
Very rich now
-
Spend spend spend
-
Remember Viv Nicholson?
-
Now she broke ::)
-
Very silly billy
-
We're more sensible :o
-
We hide it ;D
-
Under the mattress?
-
In shop tills 😂😂
-
;D. Let's shop more
-
In New York ?
-
In Beverley Hills?
-
I'm coming too
-
Get packing then
-
Waiting at airport!
-
Plane iced up :o
-
Back to bar :o :clapping:
-
;D
hot chocolate, cream, marshmallows?
>wave Ellie<
-
WAIT!.......an announcement :'(
> wave CKLD<
-
Olympic stars coming home!
-
Partying on plane
-
Plane gets diverted >:(
-
To Manchester: snow?
-
Diverted to Glasgow
-
Shopping tomorrow? Shoes?
-
Snow boots brrrrrrrrr
-
Fur lined knickers🌬
-
Long or short?
-
Bridget Jones style!
-
Warm and cosy: lavender?
-
Sitting by fire
-
With rum punch
-
In biggish bowl😂
-
Feeling sleepy now
-
Get jammies on
-
those fluffy slippers?
-
Dog ate those
-
All of them ;D :worm: :sick02:
-
With his biscuits
-
Looking round for more?
-
What more slippers??
-
No only biscuits
-
Gary baldy biscuits
-
Can we dunk?
-
Not Rich Tea!
-
Nice and soggy
-
Fallen into cup :(
-
Suck it up ;D
-
Let's have wine
-
No more dunking 😂
-
Get a spoon? ;D
-
Hobnobs & Wine?
-
Too early? Later?
-
No, gin later ::)
-
Long glass? Ice?
-
Ice comes next
-
After the snow!
-
Build a snowman ☃️
-
Seen any snowladies??
-
Not yet: Dogs?
-
That will do
-
no muddy paws
-
Just mopped! So
-
tiles clean, shiny
-
Like my dentures 😂
-
In a pot?
-
Well a jam jar
-
Mind the wasps!
-
Sting like hell
-
Wasps need vinegar ;) [bees need bicarb]
-
Yes drowned init 😂
-
Fish and chip smell?
-
Oh yes please
-
In newspaper? Lunch?
-
Double portion please ;D
-
With serviette! Messy ;D
-
Real chin dripper 😂
-
New top ruined :'( :'(
-
Buy a new one!
-
M & S?
-
Can't get: snow!
-
New ski suit
-
Cost a fortune
-
Buy a onesie 😂
-
with wellies? Trendy?
-
You can't wee ::)
-
Cross your legs😂
-
Ooops! shower required :D
-
Empty the wellies 😂
-
;D. makes snow yellow
-
Like slush puppies 😂
-
Wet, muddy paws :scottie:
-
Where's the mop
-
In the bucket?
-
Hole in bucket
-
Dear Liza dear........
-
Jimll fix it
-
With a ........ Dear Liza, dear Liza with a .......
OK - what was the question ;D
with chewing gum [chewy chewy chewy cheeeewy ]
-
But, tomorrow I'm
-
Buying new bucket
-
With handle and spout?
-
Also a gnome
-
By the pond?
-
With the fish
-
Bird poop on head :D
-
The dirty little......... :-X
-
Rats ate fish
-
Need a plan
-
Lets call the.......
-
Cinema and see
-
What's on tonight
-
We allowed popcorn?
-
Eat it quietly
-
No throwing it
-
And no snogging!
-
Definately no slobbering
-
>:( spoilsports
-
on the back row
-
Ona Saturday night 😁
-
Slipped on stairs
-
No dancing tonight
-
Flat on back
-
Surrounded by doctors 💉
-
They are cute ???
-
But Very stern!!
-
With jaggy needles
-
"Help'' cried the.......
-
Porter as he
-
Skidded down hall
-
Broken his foot
-
The Matron appeared :cuss: :angryfire:
-
Waving a bed-pan
-
Then she slipped
-
WHOOPS! so messy ;D
-
Wee is everywhere
-
Get the mop
-
Need some disinfectant
-
Sack the matron
-
And the porter
-
All cleaned up!
-
Let's get on
-
with beans on toast
-
and very smelly!
-
Hold my nose
-
with a peg
-
Alarms going off
-
Get the police
-
It's a burglar ! >:(
-
But very friendly
-
needs clean socks
-
Go to harrods
-
Closed on Tuesdays
-
Poundshop it is.
-
Pairs in 3s?
-
He wants yellow
-
Tour de France then [I have some, never worn ;D]
-
He's too old
-
For what exactly ?
-
To go racing
-
Is that all🤫
-
:rofl:
no mountain biking then
-
No, he just
-
Gets leg over :rofl:
-
:lol: Oh! you R naughty [reminds me of a cricket commentary years ago ::) ]
-
but i like ya
-
Dick Emery remember?😁
-
Yes & Frankie Howard!
-
Up Pompeii misses :rofl:
-
Whoa Whoa & twice Whoa
-
:rofl:
-
You having a laugh
-
(Yes lol the memories flood back )
Game fora laugh
-
The generation game
-
Turn on tv
-
Find the snacks
-
and a rug
-
Pigging on sofa
-
Feet up, fire lit 8)
-
Cats all snoring
-
Turn up TV?
-
I need to
-
move the cats?
-
Would not dare 🙀
-
leave them there
-
Get the children
-
To be quiet ::)
-
Impossible that one ;D
-
Send them outdoors :D
-
To build a.....
-
....... an igloo? Quickly!
-
And a snowman☃️
-
Carrrot for nose?
-
Or something else 😂
-
OOOH You are Awful!!!
-
Coal for eyes 😂
-
Help! Shouts the........
-
Fireman in uniform 😂
-
My heart flutters
-
Get very excited
-
He's got a......
-
very very large....
-
Wart on nose
-
Like that nanny!
-
What nanny McPhee?
-
He's her father ;D ;D
-
Also gotta big
-
Wallet, he's rich
-
What's his name?
-
You gonna google
-
Nothing to lose...
-
Big daddy fatbucks :rofl:
-
Like winning lottery!
-
You be careful
-
I did before :banana: :
-
Is he married
-
Just my luck!
-
He didn't care
-
Time to go
-
What a shame
-
Come again tomorrow?
-
Tomorrow is another day!
-
James Bond films
-
Sean Connery
-
Shaken not stirred
-
Martini Cinzano Bianco
-
Big glass plonk
-
On sunny terrace
-
Facing the sea 🏝⛱
-
Sun beating down
-
Let's go now!
-
And paddle, because......
-
Toes all sandy
-
Olivia Newton John
-
Lots of money
-
In my pocket
-
There's a hole
-
In my bucket
-
Dear Daisy dear Daisy
-
Well fix it.......
-
With a plug
-
Fuse has blown
-
Get a spark
-
He's got flu
-
Man flu probably
-
Get the medics
-
He needs help
-
Got sore head
-
Too much beer :drunk:
-
Nice glass rose^
-
Will help with
-
Those dratted blues
-
From the menopause?
-
But of course :rofl:
-
The doorbell rings...
-
Not another uniform
-
No, Environmental Health
-
Looking for mice
-
But they're hiding
-
and eating cheese
-
In the bathroom
-
now getting weighed
-
Put 2lb on!
-
but worth it
-
Give them crackers
-
You're very generous
-
To a fault ;D
-
;D. What now then?
-
Onwards and upwards 😂
-
walking, climbing, fresh-air
-
Need some shoes
-
and thick socks
-
But I'm penniless
-
Charity shop choices?
-
Pound shop bargains
-
R £1 Shop closed :o [it really really did!]
-
Might sell my
-
summer shoes for wellies
-
Have a paddle
-
In a canoe?
-
Up the river
-
There's a hippo !!
-
He's got company
-
What big teeth they have :o
-
It's a croc🐊
-
Never Smile at a Crocodile [I'll have an ear worm now]
-
Need croc shoes
-
Nice and comfy
-
But very ugly :rofl:
-
Need pretty sandals
-
How about flipflops?
-
Can't use driving
-
Drive in heels
-
Dancing shoes today
-
More likely wellies
-
Summer next week
-
So I hear
-
Bring me sunshine
-
In your smile
-
:)
-
Make me happy
-
Bring me love :foryou:
-
For a while :jiggy:
-
Bring me laughter ;D
-
Change that record :rofl:
-
Name that tune :cancan:
-
Animal, vegetable, or mineral? [now that really dates me ;D]
-
Rock, paper, scissors
-
Gimme a clue
-
Who are you. ;D
-
Do I have to say ;D
-
Decision is yours :o
-
Maybe I'm Spartacus
-
Are you Spartacus?
-
Not that I know :P
-
I know nothing ::)
-
Do you want to?
-
Knowledge is power?
-
Use it wisely ........
-
Impetuous or wise
-
Who me? Impetuous :D
-
Live, love, laughter :clapping:
-
Make me giggle?
-
Make me smile :)
-
Tickle me fancy
-
Fancy a tickle
-
Are you offering :rofl:
-
You are awful :bighug:
-
I like you :bighug:
-
Thanks for that
-
And you too
-
as well as?
-
Can be expected
-
Under the circumstances
-
Very suspicious circumstances
-
Said the Officer
-
Scratching his head
-
Under his helmet ;)
-
With his truncheon
-
Ready to use
-
Two feet long :rofl:
-
Nice and strong ;D
-
Singing a song
-
The laughing policeman
-
All night long
-
In his thong. :banana: :banana:
-
Allo, allo, allo :parti:
-
What's your name
-
Come here often? ;)
-
Letsbe aving you
-
Let's go then
-
You've been nicked
-
Where,s me handcuffs
-
Round my ankles
-
That were swollen
-
From the handcuffs?... :rofl:
-
They're too tight
-
Ouch it hurts
-
That'll be atrophy :rofl:
-
Steady on Madam ;D
-
I'm so sorry
-
Feeling your pain :lol:
-
Can't feel a thing
-
No sense no feeling ;D
(Nothing personal CKLD :) )
-
It's gone numb
-
Warm it up?
-
By the fire?
-
Listening to music
-
Good old rub
-
With, without, oil
-
virgin olive oil
-
Oops too late
-
Try again later
-
Dinner time now
-
What's for dinner
-
Caviar and custard
-
Cake and mustard :o
-
You have mines ;D
-
Save you seconds :)
-
No thank you 😘
-
Maybe next time ;)
-
Never say never ;D
-
Will try again
-
Please don't bother ;D
-
Am so devastated
-
I could cry
-
Like a river
-
Without a paddle
-
Or a canoe
-
With a hole
-
In my bucket
-
Dear Liza, dear Liza ;D
-
There is
-
Liza or Lisa
-
Who cares.
Lol
It's one of em.lol
-
Liza a hole!
Lol
-
Oh matron!
-
You's are awful
-
So,s my English ;D
-
But we like you ;D
-
So much so
-
We told you
-
Ha ha ha
-
Laugh a minute
-
Nighty night all :bighug:
-
Goodnight too
:bed:
-
Soon be dawn
-
And tomorrow I'm
-
Going my holidays
-
Oh how nice
-
In my dreams ;D
-
Mine were awful :'(
-
Dreamt that I
-
Got all naked
-
Were you cold?
-
I was freezing
-
Furry handcuffs help
-
Not a lot?
-
More than most
-
MY pink handcuffs??? ;D
-
Any 'photos please :lol:
-
All say cheese
-
Big cheesy grin 😁
-
Show your teeth
-
Their in steradant 🤭
-
In a glass?
-
No a tub
-
With a lid?
-
Stops cats licking
-
:lol:
-
Big knashers too??? ;D
-
Matching big knickers 😂😂
-
Been there before :worm: !!
-
I wear jeans ;-)
-
What...no pants???
-
Always pants: old ones ;D
-
Grandmas best bloomers :)
-
Blowing on the line
-
Gone with the wind
-
Where's the rennies 🤭
-
:rofl:
did they work?
-
In my belly
-
is a button
-
Round or square
-
Do I care :)
-
Push the button ;D
-
Let me know
-
Don't you start ;D
-
Till Ive pressed
-
All my ironing.
Lol
-
About time too ;D
-
You cheeky monkey >:(
-
Sitting in tree
-
Having a banana :parti:
-
While shaving legs
-
Yuk hairy banana
-
Lovely try it
-
No ta muchly ;D
-
Sticks in teeth ;D
-
You said you'res false!!! ;D
-
Easier to clean :rofl:
-
In a tub?
-
Rub rub rub ;D
-
Magic genie lamp
-
Ali ba ba
-
Where's the genie
-
Gone to pub
-
A swift half
-
Bag of crisps
-
Slap up meal
-
Slack old genie ;D
-
Needs that rubdub 😂
-
With rubbing oil
-
Castor oil plant
-
Palm oil please
-
Posh bird eh :rofl:
-
Swedish man please
-
Any particular age?
-
Why Swedish man
-
Ahh bigger meatballs ??
-
Love those tomatoes
::)
-
Tasty Italian ones😀
-
Or Spanish ones
-
On the vine
-
Gimme the grapes
-
Liquid or fruit ;D
-
I'm not fussy ;D
-
I like both
-
Great taste Jd
-
Thanx for that
-
You're most welcomex
-
Come back again
-
Be back dreckly ;D
-
She says staggering ;D
-
Been on booze.?
-
No: high heels ;D
-
Where's the scaffolding ;D
-
since i felt normal!!
-
What is normal. :-\
-
Don't ask me 🤪
-
Who can ask.? ;D
-
Ask no questions🤫
-
Tell no lies
-
Cant keep secrets
-
There's no surprise !!! ;D
(Have great holibobs Daisydotx)
-
See what happens
-
when we chat
-
And have lunch
-
Only having salad
-
What no cake ;D
-
Cheese and biscuits
-
Gin n tonic
-
Wash and Go
-
Where you going ;D
-
;D. bath and bed 8)
-
Because very soon
-
Dawn will break
-
And we're going
-
To the palace
-
Baby born yesterday ;D
-
Knitted some outfits
-
Cosy knitted onesie?
-
And cute hat
-
Ohh very warm
-
Done in pink ::)
-
Why no blue
-
Navy or sky
-
Navy for me
-
I'll have sky
-
Azure for me
-
Only have pink
-
That will do
-
Baby won't care
-
What they wear
-
Keep them warm
-
Stop them cying
-
Is that possible ::)
-
Anything is possible
-
That be magic
-
Like a miracle
-
In a flash
-
Jumping jack flash
-
Gas,gas,gas :parti:
-
The Rolling Stones
-
Good old mick
-
Moves like jagger 😁
-
Maroon 5
-
Great rock groups
-
Rocking at festivals
-
Umbrellas at Festivals ;D
-
Looks at festivals :-[
-
????
lots this Summer
-
Take my wellies
-
Mudfest in tents
-
Rocking in tents 😂🤫
-
Shee-wee required ;D. [been there, done that :o]
-
Or a bottle
-
With a lid?
-
Or a spout
-
Like a teapot
-
More coffee pot!
-
Short and stout 😂
-
Tall and thin
-
Toto Wolfe, Mercedes
-
Lovely fit man
-
Is he free ;D
-
Sadly, not: busy ::)
-
Who IS he? ;D
-
The invisible man ;D
-
Who said that ;D
-
Dunno can't see
-
See no evil
-
Jeckle and Hyde
-
Good or bad
-
I don't care ;D
-
I love it! :parti:
-
I need it :rofl:
-
I devoured it
-
That sounds good
-
What's that sound :beat:
-
Sounds like hammering
-
Police on way
-
Not uniforms again :D
-
Stockpiling the handcuffs 😂
-
Who called them?
-
Some strange lady ;D
-
:) not her again
-
Time she retired ;D
-
She's following me!
-
She works for
-
The secret police
-
She's investigating the
-
Missing handcuffs case
-
Very hush hush
-
Who said that
-
Didn't hear anything
-
You gone deaf
-
Doctors dont syringe (anymore!!!)
-
A mere irrigation ;D
-
Clean your luggs
-
Got a plunger
-
Where's this going ;D
-
;D Down the toilet
-
Flush it down ;D
-
To the sewer
-
With the rats
-
Where's the cat? :catscratch:
-
Sleeping in sun
-
Watch out cat :scottie:
-
I'm not scared 🙀
-
Just as well :bounci:
-
Now that's spooky ;D
-
Look behind youoooooooo ;D
-
Can't bums huge ;D
-
Not that Kardashian's :whist:
-
That's a shelf!!! ;D
-
With a potplant
-
What a sight
-
To be seen
-
It needs watering
-
It's wilting there
-
It's wilting everywhere :jiggy:
-
Need some fertiliser
-
Smells of poop
-
Might cure droop
-
:rofl:
Order me loads
-
Need perking up ;D
-
No I'm happy😘
-
Fine and dandy
-
Ready for action ;D
-
It's long overdue ;D
-
Who told you
-
Heard on grapevine ::)
-
They also said
-
It's very hot
-
Down under today 😂
-
Night time there
-
Where's the sun
-
In the East
-
The Far East .?
-
Probably. Monsoon there?
-
Need my brolly
-
Singing in ☔️
-
With happy refrain
-
Tra la la ;)
-
You been drinking?
-
Prosecco still chilling ;D
-
Get it open!
-
Count me in 🍹
-
You're very welcome
-
Make minesa half ;D
-
Mild and bitter? 🍺
-
Game of dominoes ;D
-
How about cards
-
I like darts
-
Useless at darts ;D
-
How bout pool
-
So much worse :o
-
We could boogie?
-
Now you're talking ;)
-
No I'm jiving 😆
-
Strictly Ballroom please
-
With swishy dress
-
Gimme a ten ;D
-
I'll give 100
-
Getting tired now
-
Time to snooze
-
Rise and shine
-
That was quick
-
Same old story 😂
-
Write your own?
-
Maybe one day
-
I'll fly away
-
now I have an ear worm ;D
take your camel to bed?
-
I see oasis
-
Your hallucinating wumin 😂😂
-
Too much sun
-
Give me more ;D
-
Brandy because I'm
-
Gagging for some
-
And some more
-
Soon be drunk
-
Staggering back home
-
Oops fallen over
-
Too many maybe 🤫
-
Woke the neighbours
-
Oh they're cross :rant:
-
There only jealous
-
Invite them in
-
Give them gin >:(
-
Don't waste gin :o
-
I dont like
-
alcohol. Cuppa please
-
With no sugar 😂
-
Only have decaf
-
Or redbush tea
-
Helps me sleep
-
You need help?
-
We all do
-
We sure do
-
It's a given x
-
Oh thank you
-
You're very welcome :-*
-
To come in
-
Because we're preparing
-
Black T: 2 sugars ;D
-
Coffee 2 saccharine
-
Being naughty again
-
Outside or indoors?
-
You can choose ;D
-
Outside: with blanket
-
Hide and seek?
-
I see you
-
It's too dark
-
Got my binoculars
-
Got night vision
-
I'm an owl
-
Fancy dress outfit
-
No natural look 😂😂
-
:) you could shave?
-
Not hairy,eyes😂🦉
-
Can swivel head
-
You've seen me ;D
-
Not you again! ;D
-
Yes me again
-
And mini me
-
The three minis?
-
The three amigos ;D
-
A good film
-
With Mexican bandits
-
And burning bush
-
Who you mean? ;D
-
The three amigos
-
Very special friends :)
-
Now two amigos
-
The Spanish lady ;D
-
The senora amigo
-
Sunbathing in Benidorm
-
In a hat (we think she's left m&m)
-
Ole! And Castenets
-
Flamenco
-
Daisy dot dancer
-
Like tiny dancer
-
She is petite ;D
-
Like very small
-
A mere dot
-
Join the dots
-
It's a Bull (Spanish)
-
You all drunk?
-
Brahms and Liszt ;D
-
May be pissed ;D
-
Not again today?
-
Who said that :o
-
The invisible man
-
Sick of him
-
Don't like him
-
Send him packing
-
Right, he's gone
-
Oh no he hasn't ;D - behind you: invisible .........
Oh do behalve :D ::)
No he hasn't
-
Yes he has. Lol
-
Not again! What ?
-
Behind you, there
-
Ladies, defend yourselves!
-
Got my shield
-
Man be gone >:(
-
He smells of
-
Brut after shave ;D
-
Smells so good
-
Anyway, let's go
-
Where we going
-
On a boat
-
On a boat?
-
Far, far away
-
That sounds lovely
-
Three in a boat? :cancan:
-
Or two now. Lol
-
Me and you ;D
-
Find another one?
-
It's a cruiseliner
-
Real luxury travel
-
Posh suitcases? Expensive?
-
Very very expensive
-
Cost a fortune
-
Plus clothes; shoes?
-
That's a given
-
New cupboard required?
-
Walk I closet ;D
-
You very rich?
-
Dripping in bling 😂
-
Gold or silver
-
and platinum too
-
Blue John bottles
-
No only diamonds
-
Wrapped in platinum
-
In the Vault?
-
That's a secret
-
Go on tell
-
Lips are sealed
-
Sealed with kiss
-
Bright red lipstick :D
-
With no teeth 😂🤭
-
No Hampstead Heath
-
True bow bells ;D
-
Buttons and bows
-
Nice pretty dresses
-
Light shoes with bows
-
Designer meno babe ;D
-
Cost a bit
-
She's very flush ;D
-
took early retirement! :)
-
Got bagsa money ;D
-
Stored in house
-
In her safe
-
With the jewels
-
And all gems
-
Like forum ladies
-
Who are queens
-
of the menopause
-
The female curse
-
That was periods!
-
Every bloody month!
-
Hated them! Messy
-
With lots pain
-
Loved my hysterectomy
-
All gone away
-
somewhere warm: holiday?
-
Fun in sun
-
On the beach
-
Remember the lotion ;D
-
Pretty sun-shade
-
Sexy two piece
-
Got the figure
(not me!)
-
To die for
-
It's well dead ;D
-
Buried. Deep. Quiet.
-
Out of sight
-
Phew! gone now
-
But not forgotten
-
What's next girls
-
My new watch
-
Wrist or fob?
-
Always on wrist
-
Left or right?
-
Always on right
(Only because it covers a tattoo, which I'm not keen on.lol)
-
Watches don't work [too much static apparently ::) ]
-
Need new batteries
-
My watches wind up ::)
-
Mechanical the best
-
That'll B cars then?
-
Big shining cars
-
Waxed and polished
-
Serviced and full
-
Fuel so expensive
-
Who worries these days!
-
I always worry :o
-
Me too mate ::)
-
Worry worts together ;)
-
Love my car
-
Washed and polished?
-
White as snow
-
hope no rain
-
Plants need watering
-
Hose to hand?
-
Ill have fireman
-
You little minx
-
I'm on fire ;D
-
Hot hot hot
-
Get cold shower!
-
Please don't slip
-
Call the ambulance
-
On its way
-
Round the bend
-
You know me (then)
-
Ohh yes lady ;D
-
Where's your chums
-
I'm here >wave<
-
Your always here :rofl:
-
Once seen never .........
-
To be forgotten x
-
Unless dementia sets in
-
Um, forgotten what?
-
What's your question?
-
Who Am I ............. <goes away whistling>
-
Follow the signs
-
Who Am I - Les Mis ::)
follow the signs - yellow brick road?
-
Lost for words
-
Buy a Dictionary?
-
Cant I'm skint :-\
-
Lend you £10
-
Are you rich
-
Only on payday
-
Keep in bank
-
for rainy day
-
Not tomorrow please
-
Too hot tomorrow
-
Well thank you :veil:
-
You are welcome xx
-
Get the Dictionary!
-
Don't need it
-
So went shopping
-
for crossword books?
-
For more suitcases ;D
-
what goes in them?
-
Keep all my
-
Tenners in them ;D
-
Can't fold those?
-
Can't spend either ;D
-
I can help!
-
Let's go shopping
-
Can I come
-
More the merrier ;D
-
Where we going
-
Big shopping centre
-
Need lots money
-
and credit cards
-
Big shopping bags
-
M&S? Sales?
-
Was heaving today
-
Wait until the Sales?
-
Need retail therapy
-
Need another holiday ;D
-
Off travelling again
-
Nope. Watching TV
-
Very very sooon
-
We're travelling firstclass
-
How very posh
-
We have standards ::)
-
normally very low ;D
-
Your in trouble ::) ;D
-
:). Upping our game
-
Can we play
-
everyone is welcome
-
Membership fee though ::)
-
Free to fans ;D ;D
-
with mates rates
-
Cash in hand
-
Black market money
-
A dodgey one
-
An Afur Daley ;D
-
A cheeky chappie
-
A wide boy
-
Some Del Boy
-
You plonka 😂
-
Where's grandad gone
-
The thing is.....
-
I've just remembered
-
I can't forget
-
that wonderful day
-
when I slept in the sun
-
And got fried
-
Lovely tan though
-
Brown and glowing
-
In the oven
-
Cake; scones; croissant
-
Gagging for some
-
jam; bread; wine
-
Then was sick
-
You party pooper ;D
-
Go home! Rest!
-
and start again
-
Let's go clubland
-
dance till dawn
-
Boogie on dancefloor
-
Round our handbags
-
White pointy stilettos 👠
-
bunions on toes
-
Very skint heels
-
Hobbling on home
-
Got any plasters
-
Or bowl water
-
For the dog
-
No me feet. Lol
-
Maybe “licky†plasters ;D🐶
-
Eww that's nice
-
Naughty but nice ;D
-
Like naughty children
-
Lock em up
-
Throw away key
-
Don't be cruel
-
To be kind
-
Buy a poppy
-
Put in buttonhole
-
Go to wedding
-
Have a dance
-
Oh not again ;D
-
We like dancing
-
We like money
-
More the merrier
-
Rattle those cans
-
Blimey got loads
-
of painful corns :-\
-
Better get pumice
-
Need a pedicure
-
And decent shoes
-
I'm skint again
-
Need to borrow
-
No just take ;D
-
and return please.
-
If I must :-\
-
Don't do it
-
I won't participate
-
in smoking or drinking
-
You'll stay skint ;D
-
Forever. Then you'll
-
Be so sorry
-
I'll buy books ;)
-
I'll read them ::)
-
Then store them
-
Then sell them ;)
-
Get more money
-
Buy more sandals ;D
-
Need bigger wardrobe
-
Need bigger house ;D
-
Need more money
-
Sell the books?
-
Who'll buy them
-
Can't still skint ;D
-
Pay day soon
-
Not any more
-
You are retired?
-
Yes no pension
-
That's why skint
-
Go busking then?
-
Spot on honey ;D
-
Or pole dancing ;D
-
Fifty a dance
-
Fifty quid deal!
-
Get the sickbag ;D ;D
-
Got bad stomach
-
Glass of brandy?
-
Got hot toddy
-
Don't like whiskey
-
Milk of Magnesia?
-
Tastes like chalk
-
Add some gin
-
Then add tonic
-
Hold my nose
-
Very happy now
-
Drunk as skunk ;D
-
But who cares :)
-
the hungry cats!
-
They will remember
-
Elephants never forget 🐘
-
Ok no drinking :(
-
I never drink
-
Not even water
-
Are you dead?
-
Dead Asa dodo ;D
-
You're a ghost?
-
Ooh how spooky 🙀👻
-
Love spooky things
-
Hate the dark
-
Put lights on
-
Hurts my eyes ;D
-
keep them closed
-
Get my shades 8)
-
Use for driving
-
My new motorbike
-
Shiny and red
-
Cost a fortune
-
get lottery ticket
-
I will buy if I win ........... :-\
-
Could be you
-
Could be me ;D
-
It's my turn
-
Turn around brighteyes
-
Burning like fire
-
Get the drops
-
is that chocolate drops?
-
Or pear drops
-
Acetone: dope: yuk :D
-
Love any boilings
-
Even boiled socks
-
Good for sucking ;D
-
Might burn tongue. ;D
-
Gin will help
-
Mothers ruin eh?
-
Not tongues again 👅 (oww)
-
French kissing then. :-*
-
in the USA!
-
Born in the
-
Wild and free
-
Can't catch me
-
The candy man
-
has no teeth!
-
Too many sweets
-
But no more
-
Please just one
-
Give me chocolate
-
Chocolate raisins again ;D
-
More more more ;D ;D
-
Too much sugar
-
makes you fat
-
But absolutely yummy
-
like liver and bacon
-
Pie and chips
-
Bangers and mash
-
Crikey I'm full
-
No pudding then
-
Oh go on
-
Apple and blackberry crumble?
-
with custard please!
-
Proper Birds Eye!
-
Fish fingers maybe ;D
-
In a sandwich
-
With ketchup? Tomatoe?
-
Just black pepper
-
Makes me sneeze
-
Hold your nose
-
You've dropped one 🤔😂
-
Oh excuse me.
-
No more please😤
-
Got indigestion now
-
Where's the Rennie's?
-
All gone now
-
Going out now
-
Where you going
-
To the cinema
-
Kissing in dark
-
Back row stuff ;D
-
Missed the film
-
Wonder why? Tell?
-
You been naughty :-*
-
All details please ;D
-
No not telling. ;D
-
Probably x rated ;D
-
Film I mean ;D
-
No, fell asleep ;D
-
Who's a fibber ;D
-
Nose got bigger
-
Too many stories ;D
-
Oldens are best
-
I'm not old >:(
-
Oh yes you are ....... whoops, sorry, wrong season ;)
That women in the shop window is - whoops that's 6 words, off to bed now :whist:
-
I'm going shopping
-
Can I come
-
Bring your purse ;D
-
And shopping bags?
-
Break for ice-cream?
-
With a flake
-
If you're good
-
I'm always good. ::)
-
You can also
-
Have strawberry sauce
-
You're spoiling me ;D
-
Your worth it
-
All those calories ;D
-
Settling around middle :(
-
Lettuce it is
-
Buy a rabbit
-
With big feet....lol
-
Rabbits die if given lettuce :'( and big feet are common - my buck weighed 15 and a half pounds in his Prime, his back feet measured 3" long ::)
with big feet - large socks required?
-
Never knew that
-
too much water in lettuce, bloats the bunnies which kills them :'(
didn't now that: you do now ;)
-
My next door neighbors rabbits died of fly strike.?
He was really cut up about it.....
He didn't know what the hell to tell his kids...
Wonder how that went.........
-
Large socks required
Large shoes too......
-
My big boy had fly strike, OK one minute, full of maggots the next ...... the flies lay under the tail where it's damp :'(. Tell them the truth, a bunny has to be handled daily. There are sprays but not many buns will tolerate an aerosol around their bottoms! It ain't called 'strike' for nowt :'(
sparkly laces tied?
-
Untied fell over...(.lol)
-
Pick yourself up
-
Dust Yourself Down :whist:
-
And move on
-
Because we're booking
-
Our next panto
-
With afternoon tea
-
And bottle bubbly
-
Feeling drowsy now
-
That'll be bubbly ;D
-
After 5 glasses?
-
And the rest ;D
-
panto? Christmas fun! ;D
-
He's behind you. :D
-
Oh no he isn't ........... :-X
with scented roses
-
No more panto
-
We've been banned
-
Too much bubbly
-
Spills over the glasses
-
Like a waterfall
-
Making a mess
-
Get a cloth?
-
Need a sponge
-
And a bucket
-
Refilled with bubbly :rofl:
-
Im so drunk
-
Drunk with lurvve :lol:
-
Tell me more
-
Can't too juicy
-
Won't tell anyone
-
Can't too shy
-
Making me blush 🤭
-
She says as,
-
She dances around
-
the handbags on
-
stilettos! Bright green :o
-
And sparkly too
-
Matching nail polish?
-
No that's yellow
-
Like a daffodil
-
The Welsh Emblem
-
Don't forget leeks
-
In your stew
-
No in soup
-
Enjoy while hot
-
Could rain tomorrow
-
And thunder, lightning
-
spoils the dance
-
but helps the
-
roses, peas, beans
-
To help them
-
On their way
-
hired a car
-
A red Lamborghini
-
swopped for a
-
Three wheeled van
-
Cheaper on Insurance?
-
Pocketed the profit
-
For a holiday
-
Following le Tour 8)
-
On our bikes
-
with bright helmets
-
:crutch:
And knee pads.
-
Plasters required: incase!
-
Because last year
-
I scrapped a knee
-
Slipped on a
-
wet dish cloth
-
Ruined my shoes
-
And my tights
-
Bought new ones
-
They were expensive
-
So was my cycle :o
-
Get back on
-
And don't waste
-
Any more time
-
Because we're late
-
Our trains due
-
To take us
-
To the football
-
its coming home ;D
-
are you sure ?
-
I hope so
-
Really hope so
-
Course it is. ;D
-
Not long to go!
-
wear something lucky
-
Four leaf clover
-
On your lapel?
-
Or in knickers. ;D
-
You devil you
-
Nor in Russia :-\
-
Only me then
-
eating breakfast: where?
-
Muesli with milk :D
-
Hills are alive
-
In my pants 😆
-
You wear pants!? ;D
-
lacy black ones
-
On special occasions
-
When dressed up
-
Not very often. :sigh:
-
Think of england. ;)
-
Shut your eyes ;)
-
Hope it quick. :rofl:
-
Hope it works :rofl:
-
Was that it? :-\
:rofl:
-
Three minute wonder :rofl:
-
looking at clock?!!!!!! ;D
-
Counting cracks in the ceiling ::)
-
Need some filler
-
A bucket load? :rofl:
-
Oh no......only joking babe...I was talking bout myself...lol. :'(
I'm so sorry :bighug:
-
*that's* not a bucket :o
-
It's close.....it'll do....lol
Mrs hukett.
-
Mrs Buouquet do you mean ;D
Flowers in a vase
-
Mrs Bouquet probably
-
Lol lol lol
My mom used to say, get the bucket, mrs Huckett. Lol
When she was gardening and needed the bucket...I'm killing myself laffing.
-
With what though?
-
Now your talking
-
whisper: I'm tired!
-
Need to sleep
-
Lay out flat?
-
On the bed
-
But, outside there's
-
lots of celebration
-
You'll never guess
-
Who's turned up
-
I'm very starstruck
-
Steal a kiss🤭
-
Oh I couldn't
-
I'm definately game ;D
-
It's: Oh can't tell ;D
-
Grab the camera
-
Take a selfie
-
No film! OH!
-
Use your phone
-
Oh. He's gone
-
Oh I'm gutted
-
He'll “BE BACK†😂
-
With his guitar
-
And the band
-
Singing loudly, cheering 8)
-
Everyone's dancing laughing
-
Hop: Skipping: Jumping?
-
Are they drunk
-
Course they are
-
All falling over
-
Very happy though
-
Till next morning ;D
-
That Sun is BRIGHT ;D
-
Need sun glasses
-
Hide MY wrinkles ;D
-
And my face :-\
-
Need a coffee
-
Feet up: resting?
-
(I bet you have a beautiful face Jd)
By the pool
-
Pass the suncream
-
and the magazine
-
One with pictures
-
And lots stories..(like hunchback, Jeanie) lol
-
Fairy tales please
-
Which one best
-
Once upon a Time
-
many years ago
-
Land far away
-
Green ogre: castles ?
-
but lovely gardens ;D
-
Full of oranges
-
And apple trees
-
Mangoes, peaches, figs
-
I'm stuffed now ;D
-
Juice running down chin ;D
-
Make that chins ;D
-
All with dimples
-
Like babies bottoms
-
Kirk Douglas style ;D
-
Make-up required?
-
He's over 100!
-
Still requires make-up
-
Looking all beautiful
-
Still got it
-
Always had it. (Even with cabbage up ya nose) ;D ;D ;D
-
:rofl: :rofl:
Kids are horrible!
-
I definately was 😉
-
We all were
-
Morning Jpx
Ready for beach
-
To build castles
-
Until the tide .....
-
Goes right out
-
And it's muddy
-
watch the jellyfish
-
with a fish :o [photo on the net yesterday]
-
In it's mouth
-
Both look surprised :o
-
They've been caught :madeyes:
-
Treated gently: stingers?
-
Portuguese man o'war
-
Stay well clear!
-
Clear for them
-
back into the sea
-
No more swimming
-
Unless skinny dippin
-
warm towel awaits
-
Lying on beach
-
With Gerard Butler 🤪
-
Will you share?
-
I never share [who is Gerard Butler? :-\ ]
-
Are you kidding!!!
-
Cute Scottish actor
-
And all mines ;D
-
Never heard of him
-
Know his face
-
Love his bum😉
-
Pert; tanned; squeezable
-
Google him CLKD
-
Focussed on 'G' ;)
-
I certainly would :safe:😉
-
Pierce Brosnan please
-
No too old :rofl:
-
Does that matter?
-
Yes no stamina 😂
-
Depends who with. :boobs:
-
I'm to hot
-
I'm too sore ;D
-
I'm too tired
-
How about tomorrow
-
Tomorrow never comes :(
-
It will soon
-
In the morning
-
It's here now
-
It never happened ;D
-
Well that's annoying
-
There's always breakfast ;D
-
Bacon and eggs
-
On Sunday morning
-
Time for church
-
Not today: Tomorrow ;D
-
Mines is everyday
-
Today's the day
-
To do gardening
-
Must wear sunhat 👒
-
Keep wasps away ;D
-
And the flies
-
Bees collecting pollen
-
Butterflies sunning themselves
-
Insects humming. Buzzing.
-
Annoying wasps everywhere
-
Yeah and mozzies.
-
Stings, bites, ouch!
-
No more gardening ;D
-
Sitting in the shade 8)
-
Nice cool lunch?
-
Glass of wine
-
Watching pool man ( I wish ) :rofl:
-
He's very nice ;)
-
And very obliging :rofl:
-
Introduce me then. :o
-
Wait your turn ;D
-
for ice-cream?
-
and strawberry syrup
(on ice cream or pool man, whatever floats your boat ;D)
-
;D
at this time of night :D
-
Joaniepat im shocked 😂)
Anytime anyplace anywhere :rofl:
-
Privately: mixed party?
-
Don't really mind
-
On My Way :party09:
-
I don't share :rofl:
-
Me me me. ;D
-
How about us?
-
We want some
-
fresh. rain. now .
-
We missed it :(
-
6 spots only :o
-
We had lots
-
We need lots ;D
-
of ice cream?
-
99 with flake
-
Messy! Bowl? Spoon?
-
Pass the wipes
-
Large bath towel?
-
And the gin
-
No thanks. Yuk
-
Don't like that
-
Love chocolate milk
-
That's double yuk ::) ;D
-
:sick02: chocolate milk
Gin is healthier ;D
-
I don't drink :'(
-
Don't be sad
-
I'm fed up
-
Have a carrot
-
See in the dark?
-
What's up doc? 🐛🐞🐇
-
:rofl:
Im stir crazy 🤪
-
Some online shopping?
-
Find a bargain
-
If you can
-
I usually do
-
Everywhere I go
-
I see things
-
and buy them
-
Wardrobes are full
-
Need a clearout
-
Give to homeless?
-
Or charity shop
-
I love them
-
What the wardrobes? ;D ;D
-
Narnia's in there. ;D
-
Tell usa story ;D
-
Are you sitting comfortably?
-
Well my piles :-\
-
Get a cushion?
-
A rubber ring 😂
-
Want the cream?
-
Slap it everywhere ;D
-
Does it help?
-
Does it sting....lol
-
Was for scones 😂
-
:rofl:
Don't want any :beaurk:
-
For strawberries then? 😂
-
Any particular place?? :rofl:
-
Goodness daren't imagine
;D
-
With some yoghurt?
-
Oh yes please
-
You greedy guts ;D
-
I never share
-
Even if rotten?? ;D
-
You have it 😂
-
Put in bin. ;)
-
Wow it stinks
-
Flies will come
-
Get the hoover ;D
-
Mines broken now
-
Have mine please ;D
-
Can I borrow?
-
You can keep
-
any flies: squashed!
-
Garibaldi biscuit anyone?
-
Thanx......
Loads of them
-
:rofl:
they are soft :-\
-
Apart from flies (crunch) :sick02:
-
Hard as rock
-
You lucky girl :rofl:
-
Blondes have fun.... :parti:
-
Dye your hair
-
Wish I could
-
Got no money?
-
I've got loads. ;D
-
Of bubble bath
-
😳oooh my vaginal atrophy 🙀
-
;D :-X
Doesn't affect mine
-
You lucky duck
-
Like acid bath :-\
-
Only dare shower
-
Cubicle for two? ;D
-
No soap allowed!
-
Soap Ona Rope ;D
-
How's yours hanging :rofl:
-
To the left :rofl:
-
So he says ;D
-
Haven't got one. :vibe:
-
Great looking wand :rofl:
-
;D
stop waving it!
-
Wave over here :rofl:
-
Might buy one
-
Don't forget batteries!
-
That's rather large 😳 ;D
-
Who says so ???
-
And very scary ;D
-
Crossed my legs ;D
-
It's behind you :rofl:
-
Baton down hatches :worm:
-
Pull up drawbridge ;D ;D
-
Find big knickers :rofl:
-
Why: are you dusting ???
-
No. Keeping safe :safe:
-
Gimme that hat ;D
-
You can have
-
Gagging for it ;D
-
Oh, it's split.
-
Here come babyeeeee ;D
-
Ohhh the pain. :cuss:
-
Cramp in feet
-
I have that >:(
-
So go barefoot 👣
-
And no hat ;D
-
Feet need socks!
-
To keep warm
-
Keeps smell in ;D
-
Oh that smell :sick02:
-
Like burnt cabbage :rofl:😘
-
Smells house out :neutral:
-
So do kippers
-
I love kippers
-
Don't do fish
-
Gives you brains??
-
More than one?
-
Two, three, four?
-
Stuff it down
-
Got indigestion now
-
Need some antacid
-
Where's the Rennies :)
-
Make you burp :pills:
-
Feel better now
-
Nicely relaxed, warm
-
Sun on face
-
arms and legs
-
Front and back
-
Pass the aftersun
-
And my sunglasses
-
Got great tan
-
You look great
-
Shall we party?
-
Oh, yes please
-
Get ready then
-
:jiggy: :cancan: singing
-
Love your karaoke
-
Still in tune?
-
No not me
-
But very enjoyable
-
Thanks very much
-
Maybe X Factor?
-
Far too nervous ;D
-
We'll support you
-
Oh thank you :-*
-
Your very welcome
-
If you win
-
We will dance :cancan:
-
In our tutu's
-
Covered with sequins
-
all hand sewn
-
The problem is
-
My tutus tight😂
-
Need bigger size
-
Sew in a 'piece'
-
No sewing kit
-
Can't thread a needle
-
Can't see hole
-
Blind as bat.... ;D ;D
-
Put specs on
-
Can't find them
-
On your head !! :rofl:
-
Under your hat
-
Take it off
-
Can you see?
-
No not really
-
Find a torch?
-
Where is it?
-
In the car ;D
-
Got any candles
-
No matches handy ::)
-
Not needed because
-
They're battery operated..
-
Costs a fortune
-
Throw away then ???
-
Take for recycling
-
Don't have car
-
Borrow my cycle?
-
On your bike ;D
-
Find a job
-
;D
Far too wet :o
-
Need a brolly
-
Buy a hat ;D
-
Wanna get ahead? ;D
-
Let's do it
-
Not now: busy ::)
-
Maybe later then
-
When it's warmer?
-
I'll be waiting
-
You ready yet?
-
Ready willing & able
-
You saucey thing. ;D ;D ;D
-
Are we going ? :hapij:
-
Yeah, let's go
-
I can't wait
-
Grab your suitcase
-
One on wheels?
-
Easier to manage
-
It'll be full
-
Because I'm going
-
Far, far away
-
On 3 planes
-
On 3 planes?
-
First class though
-
Cos I'm loaded
-
Will you share?
-
With my friends
-
I'm feeling generous
-
That's very kind
-
Champagne for flight
-
With chocolate strawberry's
-
A good film
-
Don't forget passports!
-
And your HRT!
-
It's already packed
-
And the camera
-
Got everything then?
-
Yes. Taxi booked
-
Hang on, forgot...?
-
You've forgotten nothing!
-
Are you sure?
-
Yeah, let's go!
-
The Taxi's late
-
Oh no it isn't ;D
-
Ran out petrol >:(
-
You're supposed to say 'oh yes it is ' .......... 3 months to
Christmas
On no you didn't
-
Don't mention Xmas...plz.......not yet... :-\
Oh yes I didn't... ;D ;D
No, taxi's waiting.....
-
Let's get in
-
Yeah, we're off.
-
To the airport
-
It's very busy
-
Where's the loo?
-
You've just been
-
Very weak bladder ;D
-
Get big knickers ;)
-
limited hand luggage
-
Wear 7 pairs?
-
Keep legs crossed
-
;D
For how long?
-
All the way ;D
-
:rofl:
'till we arrive
-
Get a bucket :-X
-
Oh, your drenched
-
Oops! I sneezed :-\
-
Got clean knickers?
-
In my handbag
-
Along with kitchen sink ( oops that's 4)
-
You've got everything...
-
It's all essential (hubby begs to differ) ;D
-
For the flight
-
To sunny shores
-
And sandy beaches
-
It's boarding time
-
I'm so excited
-
Fasten seat belts
-
Here we go
-
Having an aperitif?
-
R we there yet :-\
-
No! Not yet....lol
Yes, with nuts
-
Cashews and almonds
-
Meal's here now
-
Good I'm starving
-
Oh it's pasta
-
Send it back.
-
They've nothing else
-
Go somewhere else ;D
-
Where you fancy
-
We are on a plane, please keep up. Lol
Cup a soup?
-
I'll eat pasta
-
(I know, but just went with it, I was going to say that...... ;D. :lol:)
And me too
-
Cheese on top?
-
Haven't got any
-
Not healthy anyway
-
Now landed: chips?
-
Where are we?
-
Croatia I think
-
Warm. Beautiful buildings.
-
And very cheap
-
Is that good ? :-\
-
Meals are cheap
-
Messy, tasty, filling
-
Rum is cheap
-
Don't drink alcohol
-
Let's go sightseeing
-
Ok. Where to
-
Walls of Dubrovnik
-
It's very hot
-
Got my hat
-
Take some water
-
Lots of 'photos
-
And your lippy.
-
Don't forget suncream
-
Lashings of hrt
-
Feet up. Cuppa!
-
Well deserved rest
-
Do not disturb
-
For an hour
-
Out tonight? Catwalk?
-
On the razzel
-
Oh not again ::)
-
Yeah baby gooo..........lol
-
Feel very ill 🍷
-
Stay in bed
-
Sleep it off
-
Cuppa to hand!
-
No. Get up..
-
Okay I'm up
-
Yeahhh, I'm glad
-
You look better
-
Let's go sightseeing.
-
Got the map?
-
Good walking shoes?
-
And bottle water
-
Find a loo ???
-
Go in bush? :o
-
Got my shewee
-
;D
WHOOPS ! Missed. Wet
-
Get the wipes
-
Dry again now
-
Look at that!
-
Whoops. Missed it ! ;D
-
Shame, go back.
-
Too dark now ::)
-
Get the torch
-
Batteries run out
-
Oh. What now?
-
Sitting in the :sunny:
-
Okay. Factor 30?
-
Who'll spread it ;)
-
Well, next door
-
All the neighbours
-
Are over 90
-
Except for one. :-*
-
100 maybe? Moi?
-
100 is still over 90 ::)
They're all asleep
-
Let's go out.. (hehehe)
-
Ooooh where to?
-
On an adventure
-
On the razzle
-
Drinks on me
-
Really, that's nice
-
Your very welcome
-
to pack my case
-
Because I can't
-
Decide how many socks
-
Or clean knickers
-
All packed now :D
-
Taking too much ::)
-
Ready let's go.
-
Airport is busy
-
Food first then?
-
Cuppa: bun: cream
-
Thinking more like
-
strawberries, Prosecco, cream?
-
Pie and mash?
I'm more a pie n mash kinda gal.... ;D ;D
-
With brown sauce
-
Now your talking.
-
Hot toast: brown sauce on top
-
Ready to go?
-
Fasten your belts
-
Yeah, we're off
-
9 hour flight
-
Not with you :'(
-
Your case is onboard
-
Nowt that I need :-\
-
You'll be fine
-
Have a singalong
-
On a plane? (We'll get arrested lol)
-
A quiet singalong. ;D
-
Just us two? Lol
-
Yeah, why not. :clapping:
-
People are moving
-
Should we stop? :-\
-
Whistling quietly: grinning
-
Laughing at us
-
They're all jealous
-
Because we're happy
-
Happy as Larry. ( who ever he is) lol
-
[Larry was a lamb ........ ]
Larry, son George
-
Used to live
-
on a cycle route
-
But no more
-
Why, what happened?
-
Had to move
-
Because of traffic
-
Noise. Fumes. Pot-holes!
-
Now live in
-
An Igloo. Cold :o
-
With some seals
-
For company. But,
-
Has no wifi
-
How's he manage?
-
Using my 4G
-
That's very kind
-
I'm charging him ;D
-
:rofl:
Does he mind?
-
It's too cold ;D
-
For my shorts
-
And little vest
-
Buy thermals to wear?
-
Like long johns?
-
Grandad wore them
-
So my dad. ;D
-
Flapped on the line ;D
-
He'd get embarrassed
-
Not a bit!
-
Mom did though. >:D
-
Shall we go
-
Yes, let's go.....
-
need those thermals
-
Better keep warm
-
Ready for the
-
Adventure that's waiting
-
In the Alps
-
At my place ;)
-
Just been refurbished
-
Should be nice
-
Very very expensive
-
FabULUS views! Bliss
-
There's one snag
-
There's only one
-
It's a biggie :o
-
Can we share?
-
If you want
-
What's the problem?
-
It won't fit
-
It's too big
-
Can you sew?
-
Cut end off
-
Let's buy new
-
Slippers. Socks. Mittens.
-
Are you cold?
-
Warm as toast
-
Heating is on
-
Just turned up
-
on your doorstep :o ???
-
Without any warning
-
With a takeaway
-
Shame to waste it
-
Tuck in then
-
Ooh, my favourite!
-
It's really hot
-
ate it all
-
Saved me some?
-
Yes, kept it warm
-
I'm hungry now
-
You've just eaten
-
A bowl of pasta
-
And a pizza
-
Are you pregnant?
-
No. Just greedy.... ;D
-
;D. Need to diet
-
Yes, a bit.... :'(
-
Start diet tomorrow?
-
After some cake... ;D
-
With hot chocolate
-
With whipped cream
-
Err, feel sick. :barf:
-
It will pass :-X
-
Pass the bucket.....
-
Only got sieve
-
Carrots won't sieve. ;D :barf:
-
We could try
-
To push them
-
Into the ground
-
It isn't working
-
What does work
-
Get the expert.
-
Are they qualified?
-
Odd job man
-
He's very handy ;)
-
And very cheap :o
-
Even brings lunch.....
-
And a flask
-
What's in it ?
-
Never you mind!
-
Oh but I do 8)
-
It's a secret
-
Oh no it isn't
-
He's fell over.... :o
-
Because he's drunk
-
He's had vodka. ::)
-
Can't be trusted
-
With a chocolate fire guard ;D
-
Make him coffee
-
Now he's hyper ;D
-
Needs more food
-
Only got sprouts
-
Give him handful
-
Raw or cooked?
-
Oh cooked! Yummy [I loves 'em ]
-
Wind ahoy oops😶
-
He's got indigestion
-
Got any gaviscon?
-
Just dropped bottle
-
Scoop some up
-
With clean hands 🤷🏻♀️
-
Or you might
-
Give him germs
-
Oh he's gone
-
Back home to
-
His 6 dogs
-
Who are desperate
-
For a walk
-
And a wee
-
plate of Chum
-
And a marrowbone.... :)
-
So they could
-
Be happy again
-
Wagging tails: yapping
-
Never stops barking
-
the neighbours complain
-
Everyday they throw
-
A large ball
-
At the window
-
Oh it's cracked
-
Got any tape?
-
New ball ?
-
I'll get one
-
Bright. Sparkly. Bouncy.
-
Any colour preference?
-
I'd prefer orange
-
Fluorescent. Bright. Dazzling.
-
I've got one! :clapping:
-
Lets play! Catch?
-
Caught it..ouch. 🤾🏼♀️
-
Get the ice!
-
And the wine
-
Dutch physio please 🧔 😛
-
Sorry he's busy
-
But I need
-
Some help so
-
Get on with
-
Finding an expert
-
Or I will
-
Have to go
-
At some other
-
Company that has
-
Slippers. Fur-lined.
-
Slippers. Fur-lined.
😂🤣 with a lovely
-
warm feeling. Cosy
-
I might even
-
Buy matching gown
-
You're splashing out
-
Who said that?
-
We did: Posh frocks
-
And designer handbag
-
And jimmy choo's
-
And louboutin's please. 👠
-
Need lotsa cash
-
Raid the piggy 🐷
-
2k in piggy
-
That'll do me 😁
-
I'm off to
-
buy some slippers
-
buy some slippers
🤣😂
Much comfier than
-
My thigh boots
-
Which are cold
-
On my tootsies
-
And make me
-
Shiver. Thick socks?
-
And furry slippers
-
Shall we go
-
To the Spa?
-
And get a
-
Takeaway and wine
-
I ‘d also like
-
A deep massage
-
With a nice
-
Warm oil. Soothing.
-
Right, what's next?
-
I suggest we
-
Go for a brisk walk!
-
to clear the
-
Fuzzy brain and
-
other meno symptoms
-
It hasn't worked :)
-
I still feel
-
A bit iffy
-
wrap up warm!
-
And take the
-
hot chololate with extras
-
Like, marshmallows, and
-
And maybe a
-
few chocolate sprinkles
-
Shall we exercise
-
If we must :D
-
But I'd rather
-
Have a nap
-
Under a blanket
-
by the fire
-
With my nice
-
slippers. Warm. Cosy.
-
Ok. I'm awake. 👀
-
Now it's bedtime 💤
-
Dreaming. Sweating. Awake :o
-
Cup of Horlicks?
-
Coffee please strong. ☕️
-
Add Tia Maria ?
-
Just a biscuit. 🍪
-
Dunked? Soggy? Eaten?
-
Oh no,it
-
Tea and now
-
Dribbling. Messy. Yuk ;D
-
Duvet cover will
-
need to wash
-
And put clean
-
Nightdress on,what
-
About the bed
-
Sheets and pillowcases
-
Washer is broken
-
The tip tomorrow
-
Won't be having
-
Any tea tonight
-
My tummy,it's
-
and stilton quiche
-
I feel quite
-
Think I'd better
-
find a bucket
-
Hide my hair
-
Have a shower
-
That's better,I'm
-
all clean now
-
Time to go
-
Nice and thick
-
With some blueberries
-
a little sugar ?
-
Sounds yummy. Seconds?
-
No, very full
-
Need to watch
-
Dishwasher on? Whirring?
-
Making strange noises
-
Probably just wind 💨
-
But it could
-
Need to phone
-
Because he's a
-
will know how
-
How to stop
-
(Sorry)the water coming
-
from the shower
-
All over the
-
carpet. Soggy. Damp.
-
At short notice
-
All dry now
-
Going to the
-
Wine,gin,lager
-
You'll get drunk!
-
I've got hollow
-
Legs,so i'll
-
Be fine, plus
-
No work tomorrow
-
In that case
-
To the jacuzzi?
-
No, water's cold
-
Like the bubbles
-
Going anywhere near
-
It makes me
-
Have flashbacks about
-
When i fell
-
Head first into
-
Lake Como, i
-
floated: enjoying the scenery [that's my final bucket list place ;-)]
-
the hotel room
-
With a flake
-
;D
in a bath ?
-
With a glass
-
of cold milk
-
And a straw
-
Then someone knocked
-
Who is it?
-
Not me? Valet?
-
No it's housekeeping
-
with fresh towels
-
I've won a holiday 8)
-
And a lot
-
of sun lotion
-
Which will come
-
in handy for
-
The Caribbean cruise
-
Can I come? 🏖 🚢
-
As long as
-
You don't get
-
It will be
-
Messy ;D. Packed yet?
-
Better take a
-
Paper bag with
-
do-nuts; sugar; tissues ...
-
Just in case
-
you'll be fine!
-
My dog because
-
he loves beaches
-
And getting wet
-
But then he
-
Be brushed throughly
-
Get knots out
-
Light shampoo? Dryer?
-
Will wrap tinsel
-
Around his tail
-
And a couple
-
of mince pies
-
In his bowl
-
Some turkey,hope
-
He likes it
-
Oh he will
-
Oh no he won't
-
You'd be surprised
-
What that dog
-
Can put away
-
Loves his food
-
Yesterday morning he
-
Wolfed down a
-
whole beef joint :o
-
That was for
-
My family's dinner
-
with sprouts and peas
-
Mashed potatoes and
-
swede with gravy
-
Then after he
-
licked the custard
-
Now what am
-
I going to
-
Do about meals
-
Anyone for a
-
pancake with lemon?
-
Yes please, two
-
With sugar? Brown?
-
Yes please,also
-
A glass of
-
strong red wine
-
with cinnamon stick?
-
No, it will
-
ruin the flavour
-
If I have
-
I would want
-
Like a nice
-
ginger beer (burp!)
-
Pardon me for
-
being so rude,
-
That's ok, we
-
All need to
-
Once in a
-
Don't really like
-
More than 8
-
biscuits at once
-
a bowl of flakes
-
With sugar and
-
Although the seeds
-
go straight through
-
Only eat 2
-
With a pestle?
-
Anyway, it's time
-
Prefer boiled egg
-
With toy soldiers
-
Nutcracker Suite
-
Sugar plum Fairy
-
en pointe. Ouch!
-
Oh I've hurt,
-
my wretched bunions
-
Call the doctor
-
No one in
-
Gone away because
-
He got a
-
Menopause training course ;D
-
Let's sign up
-
I already did. 😉
-
See you there
-
I'm the one
-
With green hair
-
And red lipstick
-
I'll be singing
-
In the rain
-
With an umbrella ☔️
-
It's bright yellow
-
Bring me sunshine
-
It's coming soon
-
I'll be ready
-
On my sunbeddy
-
In my deckchair
-
Got the suncream
-
Yes, and the
-
sun-shades: dozing
-
Tan's coming along
-
Lots of lotion
-
It's so hot ☀️☀️
-
Grab a sun-shade
-
That's better, but
-
My feet stick out :D
-
You'll be fine
-
Now it's dark :D
-
Let's go to
-
Town and do
-
window shopping for coffee
-
or wine bar
-
Whatever: with cake :cupcake:
-
Rather have crisps
-
Plain. With salt?
-
Cheese and onion
-
on a picnic?
-
Yes, with some
-
Sausage rolls and
-
Smoked salmon sandwiches
-
With pickled onions
-
Fish and chips
-
With a gerkin?
-
No, bread & butter
-
just a little
-
Wot no gherkin?
-
Definitely not gherkins
-
They make me
-
windy and bloated.
-
Don't need that
-
Need Peace and Quiet ;)
-
With a little
-
Bit of excitement
-
or a little
-
Peace and quiet :-\
-
After we've had
-
A bubble bath
-
There's no water
-
Pipes are frozen
-
Plumbers are busy
-
Get the odd
-
Job man. He
-
Came before, because
-
We needed help
-
Have you got
-
Your kit ready :veil:
-
Always ready for......😜
-
The big event
-
What are you
-
Going to wear
-
Hot pants and
-
A boob tube
-
Knee high boots
-
And a little
-
fur stole: purple
-
With big droopy
-
drawers and a
-
Pair of sparkly
-
earrings. Very chic!
-
Posh. Bright. Dangling?
-
Cost me £5000
-
Insured then? Safe?
-
Oh yes. I'm
-
Going to get
-
A large Safe
-
And a big
-
Shiny key to
-
To make sure
-
Nobody steals my
-
Earrings. I've also
-
Got a nice
-
Chunky piece of
-
pink seaside rock
-
Bought it when
-
I was feeling
-
Like splashing out
-
Cost me £800
-
Haven't told my
-
Bank Manager yet
-
This makes me laff,.....🤣😂🤣
He'll be after
-
Some money but
-
Interest rate is high
-
So he can
-
Whistle for it
-
He's retiring soon
-
Next one's female
-
Not menopausal though?
-
Oh no, I
-
Think she's 21
-
Very young and
-
a young Snowflake?
-
She'll be better
-
When running to
-
The loo every
-
Hour due to
-
Probably being pregnant 🤰🏽
-
😂🤣
Or is she
-
Anxious? Interview maybe?
[what's a snowflake when it's up and dressed :-\ other than a wintery storm!!]
-
She did say
-
She was going
-
To the other
-
Other side,so
-
We won't see
-
Her much now
-
But that's just
-
Until mid-February
-
Then she's back
-
She'll soon sort
-
A Summer Wardrobe
-
With short skirts
-
But the neighbour
-
Not happy about
-
Her high heels
-
In the house
-
Clanking all over
-
Her shiny tile
-
Getting all streaky
-
And slippery, she
-
needs fluffy slippers
-
But she won't
-
put them on >:(
-
She needs a
-
Good kick up
-
Bum, that'll sort
-
Her out. But,
-
She's a martial
-
expert. Strong. Fast.
-
That's ok, I'll
-
Buy running shoes🏃♀️
-
And vitamin pills
-
She won't catch
-
Colds. 'Flu. A bus ...........
-
Has broken down
-
How's she going
-
to get there?
-
Maybe she'll hop
-
Or buy a
-
Skateboard, she's very
-
fluid, supple and
-
Long legged, she'll
-
Soon get there
-
But she'll get
-
a speeding fine
-
That'll make 3
-
She's had in
-
3 years: skateboarding
-
Around the supermarket
-
Knocking down the
-
cans of peas :o
-
And crashing into
-
The security guard
-
in smart uniform
-
But he's not
-
Very happy because
-
His boots are
-
Scuffed because he
-
Chased a dog
-
into deep mud :o
-
And fell flat
-
On his face 😡
-
I'll rub him down ;D
-
You'll get dirty
-
I've got a
-
warm shower and towel
-
To use afterwards
-
Dry. Warm. Clean.
-
Washing machine's broken
-
How about washing
-
at the Laundrette
-
Or down at
-
the nudity beach
-
Can you go?
-
Wot me? Nah!
-
Need to shave :o
-
;D
borrow my razor
-
Got shaving foam?
-
No, I use
-
hot soapy water
-
I'll go, but
-
Let me tell
-
You where to
-
Get undressed because
-
Your going to
-
Need a change
-
Of knickers, because
-
It's skinny dipping time
-
And a thong
-
Won't cover much :D :o
-
And you'll catch
-
Your death, so
-
get some :sunny:
-
And put on
-
A straw hat
-
Then people will
-
See how you
-
look so chic
-
With your long
-
Toe nails and
-
hairy legs. Sexy?
-
Nope, shave them
-
Can't be bothered
-
Maybe in March
-
I'll have a
-
long, deep, bath
-
Before for I
-
Start to smell
-
the steak and onions
-
Can't eat it
-
As I'm a
-
Stone away from
-
Losing the weight
-
So i'll Have
-
Cup of steaming
-
oh don't tempt me ;D :-X
'Bovril' with toast
-
Only 100 calories
-
But I've a
-
brisk walk later
-
On the beach
-
Sand between my 😳
-
toes; nails; eye-lashes
-
& in the sandwiches
-
Maybe I won't
-
Eat anything. Ice-cream?
-
No. Too cold
-
Tell you what,
-
What about a
-
Nice big iced
-
bun with sugar
-
And a large
-
Iced Coca Cola
-
With ice and
-
A splash of
-
Whiskey, I'll have
-
A long-glass
-
Or maybe two ::)
-
As I deserve
-
To get totally
-
Smashed, because of
-
All the troubles
-
In my life
-
I own gold [bit like I packed my bag ;D]
-
But it doesn't
-
help me to
-
tango, waltz or
-
Salsa, so I'll,
-
go skinny dipping
-
Not ashamed of
-
My fabulous body
-
And my big
-
bright toe-nails
-
With bells on
-
ankles and knees
-
Morris men dancing
-
Banging sticks and
-
Dancing around the
-
Village Square. Noisely!
-
Shut up,said
-
the Mayor. Listen!
-
I have news
-
Chocolate. Free. Here :D
-
Whoa ladies, I
-
Don't eat chocolate
-
Your choice then?
-
Rather have fruit
-
salad with ice-cream
-
And some syrup
-
Sponge pudding? Steamed?
-
Steam room, yes!
-
But who with ::)
-
My DH :-*
-
Or maybe that
-
pack of hounds
-
Thinking more of
-
jack russells and?
-
A few kittens
-
chasing each other ;D
:scottie: :cat88:
-
And playing with
-
cat-nip and
-
chasing their tails
-
round and round
-
Until they get
-
Sleepy, because they've,
-
Sat by the fire
-
With fluffy slippers
-
And a cup
-
Of Horlicks: cream?
-
Prefer Irn Bru 😂😂
-
Poured over ice?
-
No never ever 😂
-
drinking alcohol. Again
-
Because last night
-
I needed cocoa
-
slept really well ;D
-
Topped with cream
?? How did that happen 😳
-
And a splash of
-
Strawberry sauce, but
-
Be careful because
-
They don't mix
-
Might taste like
-
Rotten fruit. YUK! [how did what happen?]
-
Rotten fruit. YUK! [how did what happen?]
My quote went in about 3 places out of place
Now i'll Have
-
Mint flavoured sweets
-
Humbugs anyone, love
-
Bring much relief
-
But they still
-
Make me feel
-
want to dance
-
Singing into my
-
My new microphone
-
Which song will
-
I listen to
-
Maybe Tom Jones's
-
No green leaves yet [winter ]
-
Throw your knickers 😓
-
:rofl: did U :whist:
don't wear any :D
-
;D :-X
So i'll Just
-
Wear warm jeans
-
With the rips
-
And my little
-
Black crop top 🙈
-
Shows off my
-
That has a
-
Sexy thermal vest
😂🤣
Big stain on
-
the front. I
-
Don't know how
-
That beetroot sandwich
-
Or the red
-
Will have to
-
Buy a new
-
One. With tassels
-
And cause a
-
Man to go 😳
-
Wild with passion
-
Suppose they're easily
-
Distracted by such
-
Thing,after all
-
They are such
-
Very strange creatures
-
With big ears
-
Always cock a
-
Deaf one, when
-
But they hear
-
When I talk
-
Because I'm rather
-
LOUD, because im
-
And I shout
-
That I've got
-
A very loud
-
pair of tap-shoes
-
That still fit
-
A tu tu might
-
Oh :o it does
-
Didn't expect that
-
How will I
-
get bathed now?
-
Don't worry, we'll
-
Fill a big
-
Barrel full of
-
Ale or beer
-
Give U a straw ;)
-
Suck it up
-
Until you burp
-
Or worse,be
-
bubbles. Avoid the barrel!
-
Try a bottle
-
Of bubbles instead
-
In the bath
-
With lovely scented
-
and good book (CLKD? :D)
-
Then i'll just
-
make that cuppa
-
And have a
-
Snifter of rum
-
Of my heart
-
Might also have
-
A big fat
-
Donut topped with
-
Icing, and sprinkles....🍩
-
Dropped onto my bosom :o
-
Oh, sticky boobs
-
I'll need the
-
loofah and soap
-
And some water 🚿
-
That should get
-
All the sticky
-
residue off. Towel?
-
No,i'll just
-
Use this hankie
-
Too soggy! Towel 8)
-
Now for chocolate 🍫
-
Far too sticky :D
-
Fancy some fruit
-
No room in the bath ;D
-
Oh there is
-
I'll juice it 🍓🍒🍑🍐🍉🍇🍍
-
Won't take long
-
With ice please
-
Crushed or whole?
-
Crushed please because
-
I have false
-
Teeth, and im
-
Going to have
-
Some took out
-
Ice will numb ;)
-
All the sore
-
Water to my
-
Sink, so then
-
I can wash my toes ;)
-
;D
So I can
-
Get them in
-
My face as
-
I used to...🤣😂🤣😂
-
😆😂🤣 but wait, I
-
Can't seem to
-
Get my toe
-
In my ear
-
God, I can't stop laughing
I always put
-
My toe in
-
My ear,why
-
To give it
-
Some wax,it's
-
Candles. Wick. Perfume
-
Smells really nice
-
And relaxing too
-
I'll take some
-
Shopping with me
-
Wart called Wanda
-
Wart called Wanda
🤣😂
Oh,there she
-
Right, off we.
😂
-
Awandering, Along the Mountain Trail :whist:
-
Hi ho hi
-
Small people singing?
-
Its your echo
-
Echo and the
-
Alice in Wonderland
-
The mad hatter. 🎩
-
Tea-pot; cosy
-
Keeping it warm
-
Aga. With the cat
-
Whose very pregnant
-
Vet thinks 6
-
So we'll have
-
Might keep 2
-
Must be mad !!
-
But think of
-
The smelly catlitter
-
I'm getting a
-
Self cleaning one
-
But it wont
-
Get rid of
-
All the poo 💩
-
So I think 🤔
-
Buy a budgie
-
A blue one
-
Yes,it's little
-
Feet are freezing
-
Them with a
-
Hot water bottle
-
Think I'll knit
-
Some socks with
-
Tiny knitting needles
-
And soft wool
-
My budgie will
-
moult green feathers
-
Great for sticking
-
I'll use them
-
earrings to sell
-
Make a fortune
-
And then we
-
Motor home and
-
travel the UK
-
A great idea
-
Where shall we
-
camp first? Bamburgh?
-
Anywhere you like
-
Northumberland: here we come 8)
-
Great,but first
-
I want to
-
Load the camper
-
Milk for the fridge
-
And some bubbly
-
Why not some
-
Buy a crate
-
I am thirsty 🤪
-
Kettle on. Cuppa?
-
Yes,with a
-
Biscuit. Custard cream?
-
But I wanted
-
A big cream
-
Cake,with a
-
Cherry on top
-
of the icing
-
So I could
-
Stick my face
-
With the icing
-
Might help my
-
Rotten teeth look
-
Good as new
-
That's my slippers
-
What are they
-
Fluffy. Ankle length. Cosy.
-
They keep my
-
from slipping over
-
Likes to chew
-
The mouse thats
-
Eating my cheese
-
And running under
-
the fireside rug
-
Whoops, I've only
-
let the cat in :o
-
She's caught a
-
Mouse. Where can
-
In the kitchen
-
Oh no it's
-
bigger than I - can: got it !
-
It's heavily pregnant
-
Oh no, she's
-
Quick,get a
-
Bucket, and some
-
Shes had 20 🤤
-
And all female
-
stick-insects. No males ;)
-
So now we'll
-
To be able
-
To hide in
-
Will stay quiet 🤫
-
watching the birds
-
Making their nests 🕊🦉
-
Poo all over
-
the patio: messy ;D
-
But we can
-
power wash it
-
Yeah, I'll do
-
Fluid, smells nice
-
Fresh. Clean. Dry.
-
I just need
-
To buy some
-
Just in case
-
The shelves empty
-
Due to all
-
the panic buying
-
All because of
-
That tv programme
-
about leaving the
-
Damned European union
-
Bored of it
-
Is more interesting
-
than listening to
-
That man going
-
round his lawn >:(
-
Singing at the
-
birds. Horrendous noise ;D
-
He can't sing
-
Neighbours having to
-
They're selling up
-
They've had enough
-
Where they going
-
other side world
-
It'll be hot
-
They don't care
-
Because it's too
-
Cold where they
-
So they've bought
-
A Yurt. Posh.
-
Ooh, cool glamping
-
close to camels :o
-
They'll need to
-
watch their step :o
-
Have you got
-
Yeah but its
-
Got a leak
-
Got any plasters 😁
-
Do, because that'll
-
Sort it out
-
Can't find it
-
It's under the
-
Big shed over
-
By the greenhouse
-
Hang on, can
-
you hear birds?
-
I think its
-
large queen wasps
-
Cover yourself quick
-
It's got holes
-
to lay eggs into
-
Ahhh help me
-
Best thing to
-
Do is to
-
Lie down, they
-
Can't see if
-
Thanx, they've gone
-
Close. But wait
-
There's something else
-
Oh my, what
-
Is it, nooooo
-
It is !!!! Run
-
Quick or it
-
will blow your house down ? :-\
-
No it's ok
-
they ran by
-
Phew, I can
-
Get on with
-
Having that wee
-
Weak bladder so
-
When I need
-
To go,I
-
Just stoop where
-
There are some
-
Bushes for privacy
-
And use a
-
Potty. Very classy
-
Are we ready
-
For our trip
-
Yep, I'm ready
-
Don't forget the
-
Carrier bag with
-
all the essentials
-
I've got the
-
Credit card so
-
Let's go, where? 😬
-
Posh frock shop 👗
-
Then on to
-
Posh shoe shop
-
I need gin
-
I've got a
-
Bottle in here
-
Shall I open
-
It and we'll
-
Have one, two,
-
With some ice
-
And I've got
-
Tonic and lemon
-
Help, I've had
-
Bad wind and
-
Smelly breath today
-
Don't I sound
-
Croacky with this
-
Champagne going the wrong way :o
-
Bubbles up my 😳😳
-
Nose. Sneezing hard :o
-
can't stop this
-
Man talking to
-
Me, go away
-
have a holiday
-
Wish I could
-
decide where. Wales?
-
No Florida, or
-
Blackpool,it's lovely 🤣
-
Donkeys on the beach?
-
Candy floss and
-
sticky fingers. Messy ;D
-
Barbecue spare ribs
-
No, better not.....😂🤣😂
Burgers and sausages 🤢
-
Full of fat :sick02:
-
Making us feel
-
Bloated and fat
-
Can I have
-
A glass of
-
Sparkling water, with
-
A dash of
-
No ice. Brrrr
-
Hot chocolate please
-
On a bed of chocolate sauce :D
-
Let's go now
-
to the cafe
-
Where it's warm
-
And we can
-
Watch those people
-
Walk by wearing
-
Top hats and
-
Red stilettos. OUCH
-
Hit the deck
-
Need ice. Bruises :o
-
You've cut yourself
-
Where's the plasters
-
Oh no,they're
-
In that locked
-
Cabinet. Hammer anyone ?
-
I've got dynamite 😬
-
Not sprouts again :o :D
-
Yes, eaten by
-
the mouth full :D
-
Hang on, its
-
What's this in
-
Here, it's very
-
Scary with big 😳
-
Smelly feet, what
-
can help this
-
Awful smell,I
-
Can't take much
-
More,I'm going
-
to stamp on it ;D
-
Dead and buried
-
in our compost ?
-
Yeah, out back
-
With the rubbish
-
And chickens and
-
ducks: owls and
-
Ghostly tales from
-
The Rectory. Funny ;D
-
They seem to
-
Then they scare
-
All the animals
-
I know what
-
And buy a
-
With extensive grounds
-
So I can
-
run and play
-
Hop and skip
-
Like nobody's watching
-
Singing on the
-
Karaoke,I love
-
Getting down whistling
-
Hiho hiho it's
-
Off to Scotland 🏴 😂
-
😆😂🤣
I go,with
-
A fancy man 🧟♂️
-
One who looks
-
Like he's just
-
Burtons window in
-
A nice suit
-
"I look cool!"
-
And so handsome 🤡
-
Fancy me Sweetie? ;)
-
Why yes I
-
Would be so
-
Happy if you'd
-
rub my.............................back!
-
And in return
-
🤣
Or even my
-
:rofl:
-
Girls: feet. Gently.
-
Don't tickle or
-
My toe will
-
(Oh god,here we go)
Not fit in 😆
-
Your EAR, so, :rofl:
-
You want to put your toe in MY ear😆
Better get some
-
Ky jelly, so
-
It goes in. (We're gonna get chucked off of here)😆
-
Oh NO, it's. 🙀🙀🙀
-
It's stuck,what
-
Can we do. 🤔🤔
-
Call the fire
-
Brigade, I love 💕
-
Those men in
-
Their uniforms, it
-
Really does something
-
😆
What happened there
-
Ohhhh, doesn't know
-
But they definitely
-
Get my ohhhhh. 🤣😂🤣
-
a disco inferno?
-
Oh yes, on
-
the dance floor
-
With the firemen?
-
Oh no they're
-
got an emergency
-
Too busy putting
-
Disco infernos out....😂😂
-
with their hoses ;D
-
And water cannons 😂
-
to blast away
-
Any left over
-
pesky hot flushes
-
They'd better not
-
Water because I
-
Can feel something
-
Start up inside
-
Oh they're boring
-
A hole in
-
My head, quick
-
Get a cork
-
Bung it in
-
Really tight and
-
And hope my
-
Brains stay in 🤯
-
But it's only
-
Pea sized, how
-
I've always had
-
A pea for
-
My pea shooter
-
So I can
-
Spiders from the
-
Huge web in
-
My knickers, but
-
My knickers, but
😂
Nobody knows what
-
Else they hold 🙀🙀
-
If you don't know :o
;D
-
How do you 😃
-
I do,it's
-
not rocket science
-
but daily living
-
Is harder when
-
it's raining. Laundry :o
-
will not dry
-
Better throw it
-
down in annoyance
-
Wish I could
-
But it's stuck
-
In the tumble dryer
-
Need to phone
-
for some sandwiches
-
Make mine hot
-
with pudding? Cream?
-
Yes please, I'll
-
warm the dishes
-
Oh no, we've
-
no cutlery. Fingers?
-
Or chop sticks 😬😬
-
But I can't
-
Get to grips
-
With The fiddly
-
Long things, we'll
-
Just use our
-
Tongues, we can
-
Do amazing things
-
No photos. Please :D
-
Can you not
-
Use garden tools
-
As they can't
-
be easily replaced
-
How about a
-
Fork and trowel
-
Could get plenty
-
Of make up
-
On with those
-
Fill in the
-
Nooks and crannies
-
Holes and cracks. (Just realised what I've put....😂😂😂😂😂😂)
-
Ants get everywhere
-
Even in your
-
Crawling about and
-
Sneaking in your
-
cobwebs with spiders ::)
-
Have you got
-
Any spare money
-
Yes, I'm loaded 😃
-
going to buy
-
a cobweb brush
-
And ant killer 😀
-
Don't kill ants :'(. [I put sugar out around the house and they take it into the nests. I never have ants inside these days]
-
I've built them
-
A sugar trail?
-
So we can
-
wave them 'bye' ;D
-
And see where
-
they disappear too
-
sleep without a mask?
-
How'd you know?
-
Your bedroom gave
-
a calming glow
-
In to see
-
Three dogs &
-
Camels that you
-
By,strange,you
-
Kept them in
-
Your bedroom,what
-
About all the
-
Space in the
-
Spare bedroom, I'd
-
Use that space
-
otherwise it's wasted
-
It's big enough
-
To keep an
-
Elephant in there
-
So I'm off
-
To buy a
-
big cuddly toy
-
To replace the
-
The elephant I
-
left on plane
-
Forgot to collect
-
Him, so ill
-
Have to buy
-
New tickets to
-
To go back
-
But where was
-
It I found
-
All that money
-
This menopause makes
-
Oh, in fake
-
News once again
-
So I must
-
What must I
-
Do now to
-
Make my brain
-
Work properly, I
-
need deep sleep
-
I'm going to
-
swim naked by moonlight
-
😳😆
Then I'm going
-
to get a warm towel
-
And dry the
-
cold droplets off
-
then jump into bed
-
to keep warm
-
Switch on the
-
read a book
-
Whilst I toast
-
The marshmallows on
-
:bbq: the wood fire
-
The smoke alarm
-
to sleep. Dreaming.
-
House on fire!
-
call lovely fireman
-
With lippy on 👄 😛😛
-
Who: Firemen - lips ;D
-
If they like 🤣😂💄💄
-
Fires out but
-
smell of smoke
-
What the firemen?
-
Nope. My yoghurt :-\
-
Now I'll have
-
to fumigate fridge
-
All my food
-
in cling film ;)
-
😂
Along with my
-
fruit and veg
-
How did the
-
stew turn out?
-
Steak stuck to
-
I must get
-
Special tool to
-
Try and clean
-
The bottom of
-
The hot tub
-
It doesn't help
-
Not long enough ?
-
No, it's too
-
Dirty because yesterday
-
Mud bath and
-
Fireman party in 😍😍
-
In the hot
-
Tub, it was
-
Really good fun :o
-
A bit crushed
-
Well it would
-
be testosterone flying
-
All over the
-
Place, also we
-
Bought some skates
-
For a rollerdisco
-
Can't, it's tonight
-
I'm going to
-
Fell in a
-
cold black chocolate
-
I will just
-
Have to wear
-
A warm towel
-
And go out
-
My new knickers
-
They're very frilly 😬
-
With little tassels
-
Suspenders and stockings 😉
-
Ooow don't I
-
Sexy stripper with
-
White stilettos on
-
Not much more
-
On, but I'm
-
Dancing on table
-
Arms swinging all
-
Legs slightly disjointed
-
😂
Be lucky if
-
I can walk
-
Let alone get
-
Down off this
-
Bloody table, I
-
Might have to
-
Ask those firemen
-
Yoohoo boys!! I
-
May have to
-
Be carried please
-
But watch my
-
Dodgey knees and
-
Frilly knickers, they
-
Gear, and very
-
Rarely does a
-
Chance like this
-
Come along,with
-
No strings attached
-
It's just for
-
Fun and they
-
Pay very well :o
-
Double if im
-
Naked but who
-
would want to
-
See me in
-
The noddy, afterall,
-
Especially with my
-
Little toe missing
-
🙄😂
Probably find it
-
In my ear 😏
Yay,you're on board CG😆
What's it doing
-
Tickling me, it's
-
it's own until
-
I twist it
-
Ouch,turned it
-
All the way
-
Round,now it's
-
in difficult position
-
Get the pliers
-
I'll have to
-
Get some string
-
Tie it on
-
The door handle
-
A good tug 😄
-
You might pull
-
The wrong thing
-
That would be
-
Disastrous for a
-
Healthy relationship with
-
A stallion who
-
A stallion who
😳😆😂
Oh,no,it's
-
Flew off, quick
-
Get some super
-
Not get stuck
-
In the hole
-
😳😳
Because that would
-
It's the fireman again ladies
to unstick us
-
Oh, go on then, we do like firemen.....😂😂😂
Grab onto his
-
Hand and pull
-
the bath plug
-
Is definitely stuck
-
Not any more :peace:
-
Some wd40 and
-
the water poured
-
Down the plughole
-
Gurgling. Dry now.
-
Ok, I'm ready
-
for the next
-
Round of golf
-
What the prize?
-
Deep bubble bath
-
Where, the Hilton?
-
By stretch limo?
-
And private chauffeur
-
singing folk songs
-
Playing the banjo. 😂
-
Tapping stiletto heels
-
And banging bongos
-
ear-plugs ready :D
-
That sounds amazing 😱
-
As we dance
-
Round our handbags
-
😂
Waiting to be
-
Asked to dance
-
By the firemen....😂😂😂😂 no? Ok then....😂
By all the
-
Young men from
-
local fire station ;D
-
local fire station ;D
😂🤣
Wouldn't mind if
-
They bring friends
-
As long as
-
We like them
-
And they've got
-
good dance moves
-
And big pockets 💵💸💰
-
Shall we order
-
Drinks,who wants
-
hot chocolate: marshmallows: cream?
-
I was thinking
-
how messy that might be
-
I'll have vodka
-
Make it a
-
Blackberry rum shot?
-
or a mocktail
-
With strawberries and
-
pink chocolate buttons
-
little umbrella decoration
-
I'll buy some
-
Champagne, fish bowl?
-
More fish tank ::)
-
And some straws 😊
-
Then 2 paracetamol
-
For the hangover
-
And sore buttocks. 😂
-
How on Earth ???
-
Did they get
-
pink stiletto shoes
-
Owww painful feet
-
corns; bunions; plasters
-
And flat shoes
-
no tights or stockings
-
Knee high socks
-
or bare legs
-
Must shave first 🙀
-
;D
your razor or his?
-
All stubbly and
-
sore. Vaseline cream?
-
My own razor..😀 he'd go MAD if I used his...😡. 😬
Oh, I've cut
-
the cucumber thinly
-
Is it limp?
-
I'm afraid so
-
it is tasteless
-
Yep, what can
-
we add? Spices?
-
Get the hot
-
sauce out ready
-
And a jug
-
Of sangria, we
-
Can pretend we're
-
All in Spain 🇪🇸
-
Just need 🌞
-
Sea and sand
-
Bucket and Spade
-
Deckchair and towel
-
and we relax
-
Can I have
-
A 99 please
-
Would you like
-
some more cake
-
proper grown ups
-
We are not 😆
-
How about a
-
Short donkey ride
-
With a Stetson
-
on Blackpool beach
-
By the pier
-
On a donkey
-
Read back Jay.....🤨🤨😂😂
Singing out loud
-
Oops
What a noise
-
They're taping it
-
to put on
-
The next show
-
at Tower Ballroom
-
We'll be famous
-
And rich, like
-
Fred and a Ginger
-
And star in
-
Strictly Come Dancing
-
With sparkly 👗 dresses
-
And have affairs :o
-
With the men
-
I can't wait 😊
-
Will you get
-
Some good looking
-
Man who wants
-
To tango, or
-
Shall we swap
-
Swap it'll be
-
a paso doble
-
with bells on
-
Can we kiss 😚
-
If you must
-
Have you brushed
-
The hairy toe ;D
-
I can't because
-
I can't bend
-
My backs gone
-
I'll do it
-
so you can
-
Show that toe
-
Who's the boss
-
She is,why?
-
Needs to be
-
Because he can't
-
Lead the way, ( lost now..) ☹️
-
He needs a
-
Me too ;D
New bike to
-
(Story of my life)
Get to the
-
Bank to withdraw
-
Holiday money! Thousands ;D
-
have expensive taste
-
Especially in men !!!
-
What's next then?
-
Choose a motorhome
-
to travel around
-
Derbyshire. Good scenery :-*
-
then onto Yorkshire :)
-
Harrogate: Betty's tea-rooms
-
Plenty of shops
-
Antiques; shoes; ice-cream?
-
Kinky, naughty shops?
-
:o : you wouldn't :D
-
(No, I wouldn't, but I know someone who would...😂😂😂 I'm a good gal..)
Yes I would...😁
-
Eh hem I'm here you know 🤨🤣
You can get
-
😂😂😂
All sorts in
-
All different materials
-
Soft and slinky
-
Leather and rubber 😊
-
:rofl:
no secrets. Pleeezzee ..........
-
I don't tell. ☺️☺️ Too painful to recall....😂🤣😂
-
Lies, because mum
-
Always told me
-
Good girls don't
-
Lie, because it
-
Makes your nose
-
Grow very long 🤥🤥🤥
-
Then you'll look
-
Just like dad...😂
-
He'd a big 😳😆
-
Tail aswell, and
-
Occasionally he would
-
Tell us stories
-
About how he
-
Won the war
-
And will show
-
His medal to
-
Everyone he meets
-
I know, lets
-
Pretend we don't
-
Know him, he
-
Will get really
-
Excited if we
-
Take off our 😳😳
-
Shoes, and show
-
Him what we
-
Can do with
-
(Here we go)
Our toes,I
-
😂🤣😂
Accidentally chopped his
-
You're not going to tempt me Jill
FINGER off with
-
😂🤣😂🤣
A big chopper 😂😂
-
Aaaaaaaaaah the blood
-
It even got
-
splattered all over
-
My new dress
-
Cost me £300
-
From that posh
-
Boutique in Milan
-
Can't afford to
-
Replace it, so
-
Better get to
-
The charity shop
-
the upmarket one
-
Next to Iceland
-
By the chippy 😃
-
Proper wig for
-
hiding my accidently
-
Coloured green hair
-
;D
pale: pea: or ???
-
Vivid,what will
-
The neighbors think 🤔
-
I no longer care ;D
-
I'll be out
-
skinny dipping? BRRRR
-
Talk about cabbage
-
Raw. Cooked. Red?
-
Floating in river 🏊♀️
-
With the ducks
-
They looked shocked
-
How'd you know? :)
-
They had some
-
who couldn't fly
-
And their faces
-
We're covered in
-
cabbages. Green. Red ........
-
It was a
-
Cole-slaw recipe
-
Hahaha😂😂😂
They loved it 😆
-
Messy. Mayonnaise. Yuk :o
-
What about salad
-
What about her? 😂🤣😂
Nice and crunchy
-
Did someone mention Crunchies ;D
-
Let's go to
-
The shop and
-
Get some bleach
-
What's it for
-
Down the toilet
-
Yes and to
-
Clean my dirty
-
Drain, due to
-
All my hair
-
going down plughole
-
I'll have to
-
go fishing for
-
My thong, it
-
Slipped and then
-
Flew off, its
-
Up in that
-
Big tree outside
-
The fireman's house....😂😂😂
-
You're obsessed! ;D
But he's away
-
😂😂 I know, I'm sad....😂
I've got his
-
Had a feeling we would get back to the firemen ;D
extra long ladder
-
And I know. 😂🤣
-
But I've broken
-
Middle step, so
-
A new ladder?
-
Have you one? 😀
-
I'm afraid not
-
What shall we
-
Climb up on
-
Oh I know
-
An apple box
-
Get on: cooking
-
scones; with jam
-
Oh! So! Messy ;D
-
>passes plate over<
-
I'll bake more tomorrow
-
Good I'm starving
-
Be nearly supper
-
What we having?
-
Chocolate,crisps and
-
Cake, with cream
-
Nice and healthy 😆
-
Won't make us
-
Fat,in fact
-
Us,no more
-
Counting calories, if
-
You're hungry just
-
Throw up, then
-
carry on eating
-
makes washing up :-\
-
Difficult because you
-
are on the settee ;D
-
And your arms
-
Covered in cake
-
: eggs, flour, salt?
-
And they slip
-
The way in
-
To your cardigan
-
Yuk,I'll need
-
Some baby wipes
-
That's better, now
-
until it all
-
Disappears, what can
-
We do about
-
The gorgeous man. 😂😂
-
Not a fireman?
-
He is , only part time....😂🤣😂🤣
No he's a
-
Musician: drums, cymbals ......
-
Singer, with a
-
falsetto! Too high
-
To sing for
-
more than 2 hours
-
It makes him
-
Cough. Splutter. Sneeze :o
-
All over the
-
Orchestre. Gross. Messy >:(
-
So they throw
-
Wine. Water. Rose petals
-
All over the
-
shoes, slippers, socks ::)
-
Mad as hatters !!
-
Where's Alice gone
-
Shes away with
-
The fairies, she's
-
Been on the
-
Happy juice again
-
down rabbit hole
-
With a FIREMAN!!!
-
I'm sure you could find a dwarf one somewhere ;D
and his pole
-
So they can 😂😂
-
She's not fussy YG
Dance round it
-
Naked. Chilly. Nippy.
-
Get dressed then!
-
Evening bath first ;)
-
A machine that
-
doesn't hum. Gentle?
-
Soap everywhere, what
-
does that mean
-
No, the machines
-
That was the
-
Milk shake maker
-
madly, takes ages
-
To froth up
-
Think it's faulty
-
Too much chocolate?
-
Overuse I think
-
We do now?
-
We could sit
-
And chat, or
-
Chocolate please, with
-
a serviette and plate
-
Do you feel
-
You need a
-
Cup of something?
Ahhhhh, 😂
-
T; black with 2
-
Firemen serving it
😆😂
-
Off Duty today :P
-
Army man serving
-
in a tank top?
-
Or in a
-
Green Goddess Machine?
-
Behind you ! Yep .......
-
I can see
-
the Fun Fair
-
But I can't
-
Go on anthing
-
As I'll throw
-
Away my promise
-
What promise is
-
The one not
-
To show my
-
self up, when
-
My skirt blows
-
In the wind
-
I wear knickers
-
No I don't 😆
-
So everyone can......🤷♀️
-
Can see my .......... steady now Jill
-
New hair do 😂🤣😂🤣😂
-
especially for occasion
-
Like on the
-
Weekend when I'm
-
On bumber cars 😁
-
At the fair
-
I also like
-
The ghost train
-
Makes me scared 🙀
-
Hair stands on 😆
-
End, it actually. 🤣🤣
-
Starts falling out
-
leaving bald patches
-
Need a hat
-
Or a backcomb
-
Or a trim? :o
-
Sorted...😂😂
Now, I'm bald!...😂
-
I used the
-
Electric razor and. 😳😱😱
-
Which belonged to
-
The fireman next. 🙀😆
-
Door,what a
-
Great bloke he
-
Is,gives me
-
His attention at 😊😂
-
All times, I
-
Must go round
-
And show him 😆
-
My hair do. 😊😊😊
-
Oh,he'll like
-
The colours too 🙀
-
same as his
-
tulip; crocii; hellebores
-
He likes colour
-
And a drink. 🤪🍺🍺
-
I'm tea total.............. shut it jill😆
-
Tea ....... black, two sugars ;)
-
hot and sweet
-
honey; mead; tankards
-
With a dash
-
Of expensive brandy
-
And a slice
-
Of malt bread
-
Covered in Gin. 🤪🤪
-
That's messy! Flannel?
-
No, I've licked
-
my fingers; chin; knees
-
How about seconds?
-
Why would you?
-
Pure greed...also 😆😆
-
I like gin
-
We know ...Jay. 😂😂
With an umbrella ☂
-
Charming
And a sparkler
-
Oh yes,that
-
Will be lovely...🤢
-
Or just give
-
Her the bottle....😂
-
No need for
-
any help either
-
Hollow legs and
-
She'll soon guzzle
-
The whole bottle 🤨
-
Will stagger down
-
And drink it
-
The men get
-
Me and throw
-
cold water over
-
Lost the plot there a little......😂😂😂
My lovely face
-
Pat with towel?
You've lost the plot .......... this is the place to be ;-)
-
Sleeve will do.
-
;D
Soggy now? YUK!
-
Take it off....😂
-
Into Jim-jams?
-
No, going out
-
What naked! Chilly :o
-
I'll turn heads
-
You will with
-
Those things on
-
What is it.......😆😆
-
Not sure,haven't
-
Worn it before
-
It's a tutu. 😂😂
-
Pink and sparkly
-
With knee high. 🤗
-
And big glittery
-
To my fans
-
in the audience
-
a big star
-
Money and a
-
Got big house
-
With a pool
-
And a large
-
Tennis court, with
-
plenty of stabling
-
A nice Ferrari
-
Aston Martin too
-
Like Johnny depp
-
He lives next. 😉(I wish)
-
He won't be
-
Happy about the
-
Menopausal women next
-
Door, she keeps
-
Peering over the
-
And waving at
-
Him but he
-
Seems scared of
-
Us,don't blame
-
Him, who wants
-
Meno women trying
-
To throw their
-
Knickers at him
-
And asking him
-
If he can
-
help them out
-
With the spider
-
Where does it
-
Probably into my
-
Larder, because I
-
Keep my dirty
-
In there, shall
-
I move them
-
No, let them
-
stay where they
-
Are, out of
-
Mind, think I'll
-
Close the door
-
And go out
-
Hit the road
-
Fancy the pub? 😃
-
Mines a half :)
-
Mines a pint
-
Yours would be..🤪🤪😂😂
I'll have vodka...
-
Treble please and
-
Bottle of red
-
Oh no, your
-
Going to get
-
Drunk as a
-
Skunk,then I'll
-
Have to clean
-
The fridge because
-
You've been sick
-
In the fridge? ;D
-
That's Jay for ya. 🤣😂🤣😂
She was after
-
The six pack
-
And something to
-
Wash it down
-
Everything will be
-
Ok, as soon
-
Get rid of
-
Her, she's a
-
Beautiful lovely person ..........
Up yours jill 😆
-
But sometimes she
-
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
Drinks too much. 🤣😂🤣😂
-
Still a nice 🤨
-
Gal, I love 😘
-
having a laugh
-
With her, she's
-
Was, funny, witty
-
That's better
And you should
-
Don't know what happened there, 🤔
Give yourself a
-
I do 🤨😏
Nice day at
-
The beach, with 🙀
-
That bikini and
-
Platform boots that
-
In the soaking
-
Wet sand that's
-
Annoying when it
-
Gets down your....👙 😲
-
Knicky knacky noos 😆😂
-
Need a shower
-
And rub down...😆
-
A nice massage
-
If your offering 😆
-
I charge for
-
Extra oil, so
-
If your hands
-
Already done then
-
Ahh, that's better 😌
-
starting to feel
-
And more supple
-
Might go jogging
-
Don't want chaffed
-
Doing cross trainer... :crutch: 😂🤣
-
😂
So I'll just
-
Hiking up that ⛰
-
Molehill,that's enough
-
Afternoon tea, then
-
a bracing walk
-
Away before I
-
Eat my dinner
-
Mashed potato and
-
lamb shank with
-
Red whine gravey. 😂😂
-
Then sherry trifle. 🤪
-
And a brandy
-
With a straw
-
Very windy here 😂
-
Hatches and 🍷
-
Sing and dance
-
till the wind passes
-
That could be
-
at least a month
-
Have we got
-
Enough straws? Vimto?
-
Crisps and crackers
-
No,we better
-
order more food
-
As we all
-
Have hungry bellies
-
Don't forget the
-
will dehydrate otherwise
-
Water, wine and milk. (For the tea not to go with the wine)
-
😆
Who's going to
-
Buy the fridge
-
to keep all
-
Our supplies in
-
It'll need to
-
Get some money
-
It's stored in
-
My underwear drawer 😳
-
Just behind the
-
Big pants and
-
Sexy basque, with
-
Those small pockets
-
That I keep
-
my secret stash
-
But can't tell
-
You what it
-
Is because I'd
-
Need to hide
-
The photos that. 🤫
-
Show me with
-
Yes! Your gonna get it! 😬😬
The Viking king.! :valkyrie:
Haha fooled you all! :clapping:
-
on his longship
-
That he bought
-
over with plenty
-
Of chunky men
-
Should be hunky lol ;D
-
But they're married
-
new divorce laws?
-
Oh goodie, lets
-
Get going then
-
Line them up 😃
-
I'm having him ;D
-
with dark long
-
Eyelashes and lovely
-
Legs, he's very
-
Sexy and I
-
Love his bum. :wub:
-
Look at it
-
Is it wrinkly. 😳
-
He's only 32!
-
With a bum
-
that looks good
-
In an antique
-
Shop window on
-
Busy Monday morning
-
It needs a
-
high factor lotion
-
For the tan
-
To develop slowly
-
So I look
-
Like a Greek
-
Then I'll start
-
Pulling. He's nice.....😃
-
If I wiggle
-
My toe, he
-
🙄😆
Might stick it........
-
In his ear..... :clapping:
-
what ya say
-
Whoop whoop 😆😂
Don't know,I've
-
got totally confused
-
Completely lost the
-
plot, to what's
-
three words necessary
-
Shall we start
-
Again and go
-
A different direction
-
Up Hill Climb
-
Be hard, but
-
If I take
-
Some cake with
-
Me I'll be
-
Able to get
-
To the top
-
Better take some
-
Extra socks incase
-
My fee...........hands get
-
Cold, I can
-
shiver for Wales
-
especially on mountain
-
Tops. Is there
-
Anyone else up
-
There, as we've
-
Got to take
-
This bottle of
-
Oil to cover
-
The frying pan
-
Up the mountain?
-
It's a volcano
-
which may erupt
-
Anytime soon, so
-
Get the pan
-
And sausage ready. :o
-
Maybe a couple
-
Mushrooms too, make
-
Some fried eggs
-
Don't forget the
-
The kitchen roll
-
:rofl:
I always carry
-
Just in case
-
there's a spillage
-
😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣🤣
Of salad cream
-
😆😂🤣😂😆
Or mayonnaise as
-
The lumps get......🤢
-
All over the
-
Chin. It can
-
Be really quite
-
Messy. Will have
-
To wipe it
-
And bag it...
-
Bag the chin?
-
Bags under the chin ?
-
Or even your
-
Messy tissue. From
-
bottom of bag
-
All covered in
-
This n that
-
I'd better throw
-
In the towel
-
And move on
-
to something cleaner
-
Yes let's go
-
to find a
-
tall dark handsome...
-
Great Dane stud
-
I'm not going
-
To Denmark though
-
Because no passport 🤷♂️
-
There's one in
-
the deep freeze :o
-
Why is it
-
stiff; cold; solid?
-
Because it's been
-
hidden deeply. Frozen.
-
Thaw it out
-
Photo is grubby ;D
-
I look like
-
An old scarecrow
-
Passport control laugh
-
while keeping straight
-
onto the camera ?
-
While looking at
-
My weird looking
-
Toes! I think. 😂😂😂
-
Awww Christ
They're all covered
-
Frost. Off passport
-
What? I'm confused 🤷♀️
-
Me too,what's
-
Jillydol talking about
-
me too - confused
travelling abroad to
-
The Maldives for
-
some sun, relaxation
-
A few tipples
-
Like the new pic LM 😊
A nice cocktail
-
and good company
-
Sorry everyone, I lost the plot....🤪🤪
So we can
-
Plan our next
-
girls only getaway
-
count me in!
-
What fun that
-
would be, all
-
Us meno babes 😆
-
With our flushes
-
aches and pains
-
Panic attacks and
-
Dried up vags! 😂🤣😂
-
Omg 😳😱🙄😆
I'm sure we'll
-
Enjoy the charabanc ;)
-
Oh yes, with
-
hot chocolate and
-
And thick double
-
cream: marshmallows: messy :D
-
It's all over
-
the soft seating
-
You'd better get
-
kitchen roll; soap; water?
-
😂😂😂oh no, here we go again!
And a towel
-
Cleaned up now!
-
Anyone for seconds?
-
But you've eaten
-
all the marshmallows
-
I'm so greedy
-
And you're dieting
-
You will have
-
to walk miles
-
and miles and
-
Walk it all
-
Off. Let's run
-
Because that will
-
help, and warm
-
tired out now
-
Think I overdid
-
That last mile
-
was very pretty
-
But I need
-
A rest and
-
a hot shower
-
Need to wash
-
my hair! Rinsed!
-
Now to pick
-
Up my dry-cleaning
-
out, need tweed
-
As I'm off
-
Wading through heather
-
Looking for birds.....( or Birdy...😆)
-
Got my binoculars
-
I might see 😳
-
Oh that's odd
-
Didn't expect to
-
see grouse. Displaying!
-
Hang on, its
-
A fireman,what
-
: in case of fire :'(
-
his hose may
-
;D
to prevent spread
-
Of grass fire
-
All out now!
-
Jesus, that's long. ;D
-
Like sausage shape
-
So it fits
-
Into the connection.......😲
-
Now it looks
-
Explode,we'd better
-
go home now
-
And leave it
-
so that we
-
Can get some
-
to replete ourselves
-
After that long
-
Sausage roll we
-
Can you see
-
birds eating crumbs?
-
Yes, and there's
-
a frog; hiding ;)
-
Behind that rock
-
Quietly watching for flies
-
Look over there 👉
-
That garden has 😂
-
Two rather naughty 😂🤣😂🤣😂
-
People in it
-
in hot tub
-
Are they naked
-
One definitely will
-
Join them though
-
Three in a tub ......(and the little one said......roll over, roll over...). :rofl:
-
But where are
-
their swim rings :rofl:
-
Don't ask, because
-
They've been used
-
;D. I can't leave U alone for 5 mins. :lol: and now I have an ear worm ........
as quotes: lost
-
Did they blow
-
Away in the
-
Hurricane we had
-
They ended up. (Phew....😂)
-
Wrapped around a
-
Tree in Brazil
-
Want them back
-
We'll have to
-
Book a flight
-
I've done it
-
Brazil here come
-
Carnival outfits ready
-
Can I borrow
-
Cover up my 😳
-
Rather big bum
-
Will need a
-
The size of
-
It,an ostrich
-
One? How many....😂😂
-
😂🤣😂🤣😂
Only four, its
-
All red now
-
And really sore
-
cream, to relieve
-
The itch, I
-
Don't have enough
-
Oh no, run
-
To chemist before
-
HRT runs out 😳
-
Chemist is shut
-
Oh no, what
-
The heck shall
-
Eat our supper
-
Then try again
-
after the washingup
-
Let's go, now
-
Another hot flush
-
Better take a
-
Fan with us
-
to warm the toast
-
Not that kinda
-
Fan,one that
-
Keeps us cool....😆
-
and calm until
-
We can get
-
The HRT yay🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
-
Maybe then we'll
-
Calm down and
-
Stop being so
-
Stroppy, I want
-
A chair to
-
Rest my little
-
Bum on, afterall
-
The messing around
-
Feet up! Doze.
-
Ok. I'm awake.
-
The windows rattling
-
Because the wind
-
Is soo bad
-
can't sleep, so
-
Might watch TV
-
any good films?
-
Yes plenty, I'm
-
Getting the videos
-
To watch when
-
Everyone goes out
-
Some peace and
-
Are the crisps
-
And some of
-
That dip we
-
love, along with
-
Of wine and
-
A good cognac
-
Oh, your drunk 😵
-
Only had 4!
-
You mean 44....🙀
-
Spaces in the car park
-
but all full
-
with minis - lots
-
And space ships 🙀
-
Out of this
-
We go home
-
I don't like
-
any busy areas
-
Nor too many
-
Aliens, they creep
-
They are all
-
Green! I like
-
Aliens myself, but
-
Ship. They can
-
Be very friendly
-
And they've super
-
warmth; glowing green
-
And lazer eyes
-
triggered a memory - have a look-see: Artisan: This is the Way the World Ends, live at Lunenburg, 08/08/10 -
Other Lives, Other Roads - Hilary Spencer: Everything Glows
and lazer eyes - twinkling, bright, shiny
-
But they smell
-
Eyes don't smell ;D
-
They emit gunge
-
Wipe them carefully
-
to keep soreness
-
Away,maybe a
-
Trick, it's poison.
-
Got an antidote
-
Yes, quick drink
-
It before you
-
Turn yellow, it's
-
The only way
-
Else you'll glow
-
Like a big
-
Blown up frog..😆
-
on a lily leaf
-
Spilt the antidote :'(
-
wipe it up?
-
Nothing on me
-
Oh no! I'm
-
Hop. Skipping. Jumping ?
-
my way to
-
a mountain view
-
from lush green
-
Foliage, to catch
-
gentle sun rays
-
Factor 50 needed
-
Too late, ive
-
got sunburn, need
-
Some aloe vera
-
But that's green....
-
cooling; soothing; better?
-
Now I'm green
-
Jeeze CG, your up early....😴
Only for a
-
few years: bright :o
-
Then you turn..
-
back to 'normal'
-
For time being
-
At least 12 months
-
tanning bar required.
-
not ballet barre?
-
Not with that
-
shape of legs ;D
-
No sir, only
-
bikinis allowed here
-
Pink or black
-
Pink with lace
-
Don't forget the
-
Thick warm towel
-
And arm bands 🏊♀️
-
OK! Dive in!
-
Ouch, banged my
-
Left knee hard
-
Need a bandage
-
John Travolat to apply ?
-
Who's dat?😆😂🤣
Some deep heat
-
Travolta, will do it better...😂🤣😂
With John,? Ok
-
Depp or travolta.........or is that travolat 😂😆🤣😆😂
-
Travalot....why, where does go? 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
-
Thought it said travalot.....😂
It's ok, I've put me glasses on now....🤓
Travolta please, I
-
Think he's into
-
Dancing, so i
-
Will have to
-
help him with
-
His moves, he's
-
Getting on a
-
Bus tomorrow because
-
His planes broke
-
Can he borrow
-
some money, for
-
Repairs, have you
-
Got £25,000 to
-
Borrow him, I
-
Have money but
-
Hole in pocket
-
I've caught it....🤲
-
Give it back! :(
-
Finders keepers, but
-
I'll give you
-
3 messy ducklings
-
In exchange for
-
5 ginger kittens
-
Boys or girls?
-
All girls. Pretty.
-
I'll take 2
-
Names for girls? [mine boys were Jasper and Morph ]
-
Bertha and Besy
-
House trained yet?
-
No, but trying
-
Bless them, they
-
Do their best
-
They've poo'd on
-
the new litter
-
Tray, quick, pick
-
a clean one
-
Got it, now
-
kittens sleeping soundly
-
Oh no, there's
-
rain on my washing :o
-
Get them in
-
Pegs fell off :o
-
In the mud
-
Now I'll have
-
Muddy pegs, what
-
An awful day
-
Never mind, lets
-
Get our bikinis
-
And the champagne
-
And go to
-
Stroke the kittens
-
In our bikinis 😆😂
-
They don't care
-
If our flabby
-
Arse falls out....😂
-
whilst trying to
-
Play with them.
-
Won't your boobs 😆😂🤣
-
Hang in the
-
Poor little kittens
-
Cat litter tray.....( JAY!! ...🤨 ) 😆😂
-
Need to get 😆😂
-
The claws out
-
and trimmed before
-
they run and play
-
On the sofa
-
Ones fell off.
-
Jumped back up ;D
-
Ouch! He's on
-
My shoulders and
-
has sharp :o claws
-
How do I
-
Wring it's neck....😂😂😂
-
😂🤣😂🤣😂
But it scratched
-
Well just throw
-
A towel over
-
It and grab
-
It's tail, then
-
Swing it round
-
A few times......😂
-
Until it gets 😂
-
Dizzy. That should,
-
Sort the bugga
-
😂😂😂😂
He won't scratch
-
He is fast asleep
-
Awww bless him. (Thought they were all girls lol)
-
Take him out! 🤨
-
until lesson learnt
-
Aww but he'll
-
Be upset and
-
Meoww to get
-
On you knee
-
No! Get out! ....🤨
-
You've been naughty
-
Here's your bags.....🎒👜👛💼
-
But where will
-
he go? Maybe
-
He'll find a
-
Dust bin to
-
Curl up in 😢
-
I'll rescue him
-
You can have
-
Him, I don't
-
Like him, all
-
I want is
-
A little puppy
-
For company and
-
Cuddles, I will
-
Buy him a
-
Kennel to live
-
in, with lots
-
Of toys, and
-
The best food
-
we can afford
-
Nice gold collar
-
Wit some diamond
-
Wit ?.😂🤣😂
Bells for his 😂
-
😏🤪🤪🤪🤪
Owner to hear
-
When he wants
-
something, as lazy
-
Bones won't get
-
up, but bark
-
at the frogs
-
Oh no, he's
-
Caught one,what
-
Is he eating
-
My b***** doughnut!
-
He's ran off
-
With it. He'll
-
Have strawberry sauce
-
over his face
-
Watch out for
-
him being sick
-
He is, now! 🤢
-
Call the vet
-
No need. Better!
-
That's good, give
-
up worrying? Onwards .......
-
I'm having a
-
Heat wave: A [tropical heat wave] ?
-
No, a party 🎉
-
I'll wash up :D
-
Your guest of
-
Honour with tea-towel ;D
-
Swinging it around
-
The cups, saucers,
-
Doing juggling act 😁
-
with glass ware
-
Broken everywhere, it's
-
brushed up now
-
until next breakage
-
Which will be?
-
Tonight when we
-
Have a second
-
bowl of jelly
-
with ice cream
-
more washing up >:(
-
Or we could
-
fill the dishwasher?
-
Sounds better option 😁
-
That's sorted then
-
Let's go out
-
Yes!!! Where to?
-
We'll need a brolley :o
-
Fireman's car wash.......🤣😂🤣😂
-
No Jilly, the
-
Firemen are busy.....😢
-
Not when they
-
See your blue, (hey, littleminnie) 🤣😂
-
😂
Bikini and matching
-
Blue hair style.....😂
-
Cost a fortune
-
But I could
-
Change it tomorrow
-
[The firemen are holding a hair dying contest! 😂]. 👨🚒👨🚒👨🚒👨🚒👨🚒👨🚒👨🚒👨🚒👨🚒👨🚒👨🚒👨🚒
Let's all go!
🤣😂
-
To the pub
-
In our bikinis 😳
-
Not on a Sunday ;D
-
might give old
-
curtains a wash
-
Had them years
-
Think moths have
-
Had a party
-
Shake them HARD
-
In case there's
-
Moths left behind
-
They've all gone
-
curtains re-hung?
-
Maybe buy new
-
in the sales?
-
Pretty ones with
-
blackout lining to
-
Stop me waking
-
with light mornings
-
And the sun
-
shining through, to
-
Kill my eyes! 😂
-
You have sun?
-
Yes, just hazy.
-
that's the alcohol
-
Had too much
-
chocolate milk shake ;D
-
sends me, a
-
Running to the
-
loo, with upset
-
Belly, I really
-
have to avoid
-
No knickers on. 🙀🙀😂
-
just hope emergency
-
Room is open...😷😂
-
Find the immodium
-
Quick before I
-
do it again.
-
This could get
-
Really bad, the
-
smell could permeate
-
We'll have to
-
do thorough clean
-
Better buy some
-
bleach, rubber gloves
-
Face masks, and
-
A long loo
-
Made a mess
-
Oh not again ;D
-
Need to buy
-
New knickers that
-
don't itch or scratch
-
Big cotton ones
-
Bright colours: lace?
-
That cover everything
-
But I've got
-
A big bum
-
😏 😆
I need huge
-
Tent like pants.....🤣😂🤣😂
-
With braces to
-
Keep them up...😂🤣😂
-
What a sight ;D
-
Yes but you
-
Can't see them
-
But I'm not
-
Getting younger, i
-
Am nearly 69
-
Still young at
-
heart, and able
-
To pull the
-
pants up, but
-
My knees are
-
knackered, time for
-
More cod liver
-
oil, along with
-
:sick02: A large bucket ;D
-
in case of
-
strawberries to pick
-
Strawberries and cream
-
yummy, mouth watering
-
I've eaten them
-
Now I feel
-
Like bursting, my
-
stomach :sick02:to feel
-
Very bloated, feel
-
OK now. Great
-
I can go
-
for a bath
-
With my ducks
-
They love a
-
Good wash with
-
Baby shampoo and
-
no tears ;D until
-
All the water
-
runs out. Then
-
time for fluffy
-
White towels with
-
Rabbits embracing squirrels
-
;D
sharing their nuts?
-
Embroidered on each
-
Nuts: Whole Hazel .........
-
Nuts! ;D
Corner, soft, warm
-
bubble bath done
-
Now for food....😋
-
and a drink
-
A nice cold
-
Beer and pizza
-
And for the
-
Road, a brandy
-
hic ;D oh no police
-
Quick hide, they
-
won't see us
-
Behind this bush
-
We'll have to
-
Keep very 🤫
-
Or they will
-
arrest us ;D, throw
-
Our sorry butts😆
-
Into the river....😆
-
flowing so strong
-
Grab the lilo
-
That's my boobs! 🤨
-
Sorry, same colour ???
-
That's ok, quick
-
They're catching up
-
Can we jump
-
Onto Jill,she'll 😆
-
swim us to
-
Shore, what with
-
all that weight ;D
-
Around her belly 🤨
-
😆 boobs will keep
-
Us afloat, we've......😼
-
Got plenty bouyancy ::)
-
Is that a
-
Rescue Boat: Men?
-
Yes! Show them. 😆
-
what the boobs ;D
-
No, jays bum......😂😂😂
-
That will scare
-
The monsters away... ;D
-
I'm embarrassed about
-
My greasy hair
-
which needs shampoo
-
But no money
-
Use 'fairy' liquid?
-
Yes good idea
-
Wash. Rinse. Dry ;)
-
Will be squeaky
-
Pat with warm towel
-
Only got facecloth
-
Cut hair short
-
but look like
-
A pixie, lovely
-
Cute as a
-
Bunny hugging a
-
Fluffy little kitten
-
who loves, her
-
Cosy fluffy bed.....(altogether now.........Ahhhhhh) ::)
-
But I don't
-
Like cats, I'm. 😂
-
More a dog 😏
-
Lover, the bigger
-
The better because
-
I like big
-
You're not tempting me
Dogs,they are
-
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
So snuggly and
-
Will protect you
-
From the dark
-
along with unwanted
-
Admirers who try
-
And get a
-
Glimpse at your
-
bikini clad body
-
With all my
-
Lumps and bumps
-
on show, but
-
wear a burkah?
-
nah too hot
-
towelling robe? Slippers?
-
lightweight kaftan, will
-
keep me decent!! ;D
-
It needs ironing
-
I'm too lazy
-
What about if
-
I iron it
-
Yes,if you
-
Can find the
-
time, otherwise wear
-
your baggy nightie ;D
-
With the bow
-
that covers your
-
hips, knees, toes,
-
Really? It's tatty
-
Looks lovely, what
-
does it matter?
-
Wear a belt
-
Can I borrow
-
One, as I've
-
lost mine. Leather?
-
only the best
-
With some diamond
-
Detail on the
-
Buckle. Black or
-
Teal. With studs .
-
Matching bag too
-
Silk gloves. Glitter.
-
With doc martins
-
too add some
-
modernity. Ready now?
-
What a sight
-
Look like a
-
thoroughly modern millie :)
-
now I've got an ear worm :rofl:
in tap shoes
-
I'll get changed
-
Put some hair
-
gel and spray
-
On, and spike
-
comb: brush: tidy
-
Looking good now 👹
-
ready to party
-
runs through wet grass
-
Oh no,I've
-
melted my nail-polish
-
should've had acrylic's
-
Think I'll go
-
And get new
-
Socks and knickers
-
These one are
-
nice and fresh ;D
-
Washed them in
-
lavender scented powder
-
Mosquitoes hate lavender
-
So at least
-
no bites there ;D
-
That could be
-
a blessing, but
-
I've holes in
-
You have cash
-
To buy a
-
Small rowing boat
-
painted navy blue
-
with white stripe
-
Will take it
-
To France, it'll
-
Be lovely there
-
with beautiful sunshine
-
And baguettes with
-
snails and garlic ???
-
Frogs legs and
-
Washed down with
-
Juiced beetles and
-
Some nice champagne
-
We can go
-
any time, please
-
Come along, it'll
-
Be such fun
-
Dancing, singing, fourposters.
-
at Moulin Rouge
-
I'll do the
-
Can can, with
-
my long legs
-
I've got feathers
-
in my hair
-
And a couple
-
on my bottom
-
should see doctor!!
-
😆😂
He'll pluck them
-
one by one ;D
-
Very slowly until 😂
-
You want to
-
Scream out loud 😂
-
And punch him
-
On the nose 👃👊🏻
-
Then he might
-
Be more gentle
-
If not,then
-
Hammer his toes...
-
black and blue
-
That'll make him
-
Listen to us
-
We know what's
-
best! Listen. Act ;-)
-
no fobbing us
-
Off, I've got
-
the girls behind
-
Me, backing me
-
So just you
-
get them telt (told!!)
-
Right, what's next?
-
I ken fit yer spikken aboot foxy 😆😂🤣
Not sure,should
-
;D ;D
-
Oi, oi oi! What's that all about? Don't speak Dutch! 🤣😂🤣😂
We go out ?
-
yes, a meal?
-
Somewhere that's posh
-
Hells Kitchen okay?
-
Is the devil
-
Doing the cooking?
-
What you fancy?
-
Devil gate drive .........( on the radio) 🤣😂🤣😂
-
now I've got an ear worm ;D
Suzy Quotro: guitar
-
Phil Collins, drums......😂
-
Me on organ 😆😂🤣😂😆
-
Any particular one :o
-
We know which one, don't we CLKD..🤨 it's naughty Jay we're talking about here! 😉
Any ones will 😂
-
be noisy! Rowdy!
-
Charming 😳
Play like it's
-
A winter wonderland 😂
-
Make some snow
-
With that machine
-
What?coffee machine?😆
-
If it's frothy....😂
-
Flat white please
-
Hello Joanioat.👋🏼
Coming your way....🙂☕️
-
on a cycle ?
-
what in rain?
-
pro-girls have to :o
-
Hi jillydoll! 👋
But we don't.
-
go out in the rain
-
Fire is on
-
to keep warm
-
and roast marshmallows :P
-
Oh good, I
-
love melted marshmallows!
-
With a pint
-
between chocolate digestives
We used to do this back in Wales at Forest School with Reception class at end of term - toast marshmallows on fire then pop between two chocolate digestives - so yummy, shame I don't like marshmallows anymore!
-
And a pint. 😆
-
What,another one?
-
you'll be tipsy!! :drunklaf:
-
If your offering.....😂
-
Well I'm having
-
Ginger wine and
-
A treble vodka 😳
-
You'll be singing 🙉
-
And dancing on
-
the tables (topless) ???
-
Wiggling them boobs 😂
-
:boobs: :rofl: and shaking your....
-
Booty, like your. :boobs: :gym:
-
a sexy supermodel!! ;) :-*
-
And youre 70!
-
Yes but I'm
-
arthritic, menopausal, insomniac >:( ;D
-
Can still lift
-
a wine glass :drunklaf:
-
Or ten, I've
-
I've Got hollow
-
Wooden legs, can
-
affect my posture
-
One leg sticks
-
at right angles
-
ballet pose then?
-
In a tutu
-
Tights. Pointe shoes.
-
and sparkly leotard
-
Whiskey in hand 😂
-
neat or rocks?
-
Sophisticated rocks please...😆😂
-
What a classy
-
rockery that is ;D
-
People pay loads
-
for water features
-
Whiskey does cost. ;D
-
Cheap cider will
-
do for now
-
Until we can
-
some proper tasty
-
Meths, it makes... ;D
-
me forget all
-
About the cooking
-
And household chores
-
I fall over
-
my slippers! Ouch
-
But it doesn't
-
hurt too much
-
I drink the
-
Floor polish too 😆😂
-
just desperate now
-
I'm am shining
-
from inside out ;D
-
Squeaky too, I'm
-
suffering heartburn and reflux
-
Drink some bicarb
-
Perish the thought
-
Of drinking snakebites
-
double for me
-
That'll make you
-
Loose on toilet...😷
-
Need a shifting
-
As I'm blocked 🙀
-
up good n proper
-
Squeeze your head.....😆
-
Into the hole
-
Look for Alice
-
But I'd be
-
Balancing on one
-
leg looking down
-
Don't like heights
-
Get a ladder
-
It's broken, can
-
get a backy!!
-
Jump up, you
-
need no hands ;D
-
What can i
-
Hold on to
-
wrap legs around..
-
My waist and 😳😳
-
Pull on my
-
Steady
Hair,not too
-
Tight, it'll fall
-
Face first into
-
A pile of 😆
-
Cow poo,what
-
The hell is
-
going on tonight?
-
It's ok, she
-
Had big dose
-
Of manure, it'll 😆
-
help, might feel ;D
-
A bit sick 🤢
-
Need a bucket?
-
Yes please, and
-
wet wipes, thanks
-
She's just vomited 🤮!!!!
-
She's better now
-
Bit green around
-
that's moss: soft [get off the vomit topic :-\ ]
-
Oh yes, sorry clkd.... :peace:
And furry like...🙂
-
hamsters: guenea-pigs: llamas
-
All my pets
-
are grazing peacefully
-
In the sun
-
Breeze ruffling fur
-
Playing with themselves...☺️
-
to end boredom.
-
I'm fed up. 😩
-
find some cake :P
-
Or bake a
-
Pigs trotter in
-
brine and pepper (is that even a thing??)
-
🤢🤢🤢🤮
Think I'd rather
-
Have two please....( I think it is, you know)..😆
-
to curb cravings
-
I love sucking 😂🤣😂
-
Awww geeze
On old bones 😳
-
and tasty marrow
-
It makes me
-
Bark like a
-
Mad dog, I
-
start to shed
-
My hair at
-
random places, unevenly
-
I dye it
-
bright luminous colours
-
Looks real good
-
and attracts attention
-
Wolves, pigs, and
-
wolf hounds: swords
-
Out ready for
-
Royal Hunting Party
-
Riding through forest
-
Hope the foxes
-
leave redridinghood alone
-
That was a wolf
-
Who was hiding
-
At the bus-stop
-
disguised as fox!
-
But we know
-
He's coming our
-
direction, with map
-
for a McDonalds
-
cream egg mcflurry
-
:o :-X :beaurk:
R U Serious :D ;D
-
And bacon burger....😁
-
On Delft China
-
He's very sophisticated
-
Knows his patterns!
-
And knits very....😂
-
bright woolly scarves
-
For his disguise's
-
He's very cunning
-
pretending to sleep
-
when he's watching
-
Every move we
-
Make. So let's
-
cover his eyes
-
With my 🧣
-
and tie his
-
ankles together: trapped ;D
-
Now what do
-
do with scissors
-
Cut paper angels 👼
-
For some bunting
-
For our party?
-
Another? Why not
-
Where shall we
-
Have the party?
-
On the river?
-
hire a barge?
-
With party lights
-
a disco ball
-
Good idea, I
-
can show my
-
Very tantalising moves....😆
-
and sing some
-
Songs out on
-
the karaoke, before
-
Someone else gets
-
There before me
-
Do we need
-
Any more petrol
-
It's full, but
-
Best get more
-
We're going a
-
Long way round
-
To the end
-
It's a race
-
We'd better win
-
the prize money
-
For our project
-
to get tipsy! ;D :drunklaf:
-
Ending up flat
-
On our backs
-
Legs in the
-
Air, doing the
-
Can Can, maybe
-
I've lost my
-
rhythm and mojo
-
Where's it gone?
-
out the window ;D
-
Go after it!!
-
head, bum first?
-
Just jump, quick
-
heights scare me!
-
Need a push? 😆
-
probably, fingers crossed... :o
-
One,two,threeeeeeee
-
oh relief...bounced!! ;D
-
Off your bum?
-
like space hopper ;D
-
orange! wobbly! WHOOPS!
-
perfectly accurate, bruised!!
-
Did you find
-
your padding useful? ;D
-
Wasn't wearing it :-\
-
Ouch! Have a
-
glass of pop
-
With a shot
-
Take away pain
-
Has it gone
-
Yet? If not
-
Rub this magic
-
potion onto your
-
Derrière, it'll make
-
it smell lovely,
-
Like roses, which
-
are pretty, perfumed..
-
But they don't
-
Last long, then
-
They all shrivel
-
Like your derrière.....😂🤣
-
And your boobs 😆😂🤣😂😆😂🤣
-
till there's nothing
-
Left,just a
-
totally flat and
-
Deflated bit of
-
Skin. Wish I
-
Could afford some
-
Botox, I'd look.....😂
-
Slightly plumper, eventually
-
Looking like trump....😆
-
not so orange😂
-
And more hair....👱🏼♂️ 😆
-
Definitely, more attractive
-
And approachable, maybe
-
For time being
-
Until it wears
-
off, i could...
-
Then go in
-
and get a
-
Mask. It would
-
smell and feel
-
Slimy, but i
-
would love relaxing
-
With it on
-
feeling chilled, younger...
-
So I dont
-
end up wrinkly..
-
Like a prune 😆
-
Won't need make-up
-
as ten years..
-
Off my face!
-
what about body? :o
-
Wear a sack? 😂🤣
-
With nice matching
-
Straw hat and
-
bikini with sarong??? (I wish) ;D :rofl: :boobs:
-
But my bits
-
Are hanging out. :vibe: 🤣😂
-
Yuk,don't want
-
to be exposed
-
With that there.....😂
-
what's there jillydoll?? ;D
-
My purse full.....🤣😂
-
of notes from
-
My work, i
-
got paid extra
-
For doing extra.... :bed: 🤣😂
-
don't get caught!!!! :stupid:
-
No, the police
-
will give you
-
Their handcuffs to
-
Keep you safe
-
From hurting someone 😆
-
who may have
-
a fragile persona
-
And no sense
-
of humour or
-
Is just grumpy
-
and enjoys being
-
Down and positively
-
knocked out for
-
The weekend, wish. 😆
-
For warmer weather
-
Shall we go
-
to Mam Tor?
-
If you like
-
with a picnic?
-
Oh yes definitely...😋
-
good views? Sunshine?
-
champagne, strawberries/cream? :P
-
Don't forget the
-
glasses, ice, cutlery
-
And the camera
-
We'll need packhorse 😂
-
You go first... ;D
-
with wide saddle!
-
For my big
-
frame & all gear
-
That we'll need
-
to enjoy the
-
View, it's great
-
at the top
-
Windy though, my
-
Hairs a mess
-
and legs shaking
-
need to make
-
an escape plan
-
in case we
-
get chased by
-
The yeti that
-
hides on hill
-
He's very ferocious
-
doesn't like being
-
Photographed, he'll jump
-
on your back
-
Snarling and growling
-
scaring everybody around
-
then laughs, thinking
-
I could eat
-
you if I
-
had salt and
-
Brown sauce, bread
-
cheese; pickle; pudding
-
But I don't
-
So I'll leave
-
you for a
-
Hour, I'm popping
-
to stock up
-
On paracetamol because
-
the sun causes
-
Lots of problems
-
including burns, dehydration
-
sorted with massage ? ;)
-
with hot stones?
-
you go first?
-
I can't, I'm
-
On the beach
-
at last, enjoying
-
All the sights ::)
-
And swimming with
-
dolphins, to make
-
me relaxed. Messy.
-
with sun cream
-
Sand sticking to
-
to my bits..
-
😆
And up my 😳
-
nether regions, ouch
-
It'll be fine
-
with some exercise
-
and a rigorous
-
shower, it will
-
Take more than
-
That to get
-
The sand out
-
will need to
-
Get jet spray 😳
-
And warmed towel
-
From the butler..... ;D
-
He's off on Sundays [sorry]
;) ;D
-
the baker then! (warm towels for the scones ;D)
-
;D
flour: yeast: water
-
eggs, sultanas, oven
-
20 mins. ? Done!
-
ooh jam, clotted cream
-
>hands over plate<
-
please ma'am can
-
you share them? :P :o
-
How many do
-
we need each?
-
Oh,at least
-
20. I'm hungry
-
Peanut butter for me ::)
-
Marmite for me....😋
-
That's disgusting Jilly
-
Love or hate..? ;D
-
🤢
I'll give it
-
The thumbs down
-
Think I'll stick
-
To eating cardboard....... ;D
-
Tastes nicer than
-
plastic. Eggs. Tripe ;D
-
Washed down with
Jilly- love marmite, but on a scone!!!
-
black T, 2 sugars
-
Love it on anything littleminnie....🤢. 😆
Can I have
-
Love marmite - maybe not on a scone though!
a peppermint tea instead
-
with chocolate croissant?
-
prefer almond croissant
-
One each then?
-
If you insist
-
A plate each
-
And napkin to
-
Catch the debris
-
definitely, just hoovered
-
so no more..
-
How about some
-
crackers and wine
-
To celebrate the
-
Wine tastes expensive
-
It was, so
-
Let's drink it
-
Before greedy guts
-
Arrives and decides
-
To drink it
-
all on their
-
Remember when they
-
Drank that rum
-
Downed it in
-
one go, shots
-
After aswell, they
-
were dancing, singing
-
And absolutely hammered
-
looking forward to
-
Getting hammered myself
-
or finding partner
-
On the floor
-
as hammered as
-
You. What should. 😆
-
we do, help
-
laugh, laugh and
-
try not to..
-
Throw up all
-
Over the new
-
Shoes. They cost
-
an arm and
-
A leg! They're
-
loubotoutin's with diamonds
-
Very flash and
-
hard to walk
-
In, very uncomfortable 😣
-
couldn't climb a
-
steps without going
-
To the toilet
-
First. I might
-
take them off
-
Put flip flops
-
On and run
-
Eh? Littleminnie.....😆😂 come again.....
Run= wild around the
-
crikey where's this going ;D
wild around the - woods. Naked. Singing .....
-
😆😂 I'm always doing that....😆
Bashing our tambourines.
-
;D
....... against fences. Loudly!
-
Oh no, the
-
Neighbour is out
-
Quick, duck down
-
Too late, he's
-
Clocked us, run.
-
He's really annoyed
-
He's got his
-
Hands on his
-
Gun. Will he..... ;D
-
shoot first then
-
Shout, or just
-
run for it
-
Think we should
-
try and hide
-
He's got special
-
powers and will
-
Sense us through
-
his powerful hands
-
this could hurt
-
Let's call Superman
-
Superman's got flu
-
give him paracetamol,
-
He can't take
-
any medications..so
-
We'll call menowoman.... :gym:
-
watch out cause...
-
her temperament can
-
Change,just like
-
the weather! Variable.
-
She's moody today
-
That's the weather?
-
moody, thundery North
-
She'll kick his
-
backside and tickle
-
his feet that'll
-
Get rid of
-
the mood for
-
His own sake!
-
otherwise his wife
-
Will chuck a
-
wet, cold, flannel
-
across his back
-
And make him
-
pick the peas
-
For tonight's dinner
-
lightly boiled? Buttered?
-
with minted potatoes
-
All mashed together
-
for easiness due
-
To me not
-
being able to chew
-
As I've lost
-
my mew dentures ;D
-
;D
did you sneeze ;D
-
yes they shot
-
Right out of
-
my big gob ;D
-
Now I'll have
-
To borrow some
-
from my gran!!
-
🤢🤢
But hers are
-
stained from wine..
-
And fags, will
-
smell, feel horrible
-
Can't put them
-
in my mouth
-
as they will
-
Look like rabbits
-
what bugs bunny :rofl:
-
Yeah, then I'll
-
Have to eat
-
liquidised food and
-
Say, what's up..........
-
doc, munching a carrot
-
So, what can
-
we do now
-
Let's go out
-
To the pub
-
First ones on
-
You,I've no 😆
-
money left, after
-
Buying that beautiful
-
Leather basque for
-
Our wedding anniversary
-
What you having
-
On the cake
-
Cream and custard....😋
-
with sprinkles and
-
Strawberry sauce, with
-
35 sparkly candles
-
can you blow..
-
Only with lips
-
without making mess
-
everywhere, otherwise the dog
-
will have a
-
Feast, then get
-
sick, don't need
-
That on my
-
Brand new sofa
-
Right I'm off
-
To get covers
-
For my new
-
thin woollen duvet
-
Cost a lot
-
I'll crotchet a 😆
-
Little pillow case
-
It'll need sewing 🙂
-
Better get a
-
Needle and thread
-
And a thimble 😊
-
Want me to
-
help, or is
-
There something else
-
that is easier
-
For me because
-
I can play
-
the mouth organ
-
Can you teach
-
me how to
-
play? or am
-
I too old
-
and decrepit to
-
Learn a new
-
instrument, maybe just
-
Start with a
-
Triangle,that will
-
Sound nice...or
-
Really horrible,one
-
Like a Harp...😂🤣. ( I just had to) ;D
-
maybe, something more
-
Like the maracas
-
Even I could
-
shake my maracas :boobs:
-
Ok that'll do..... :o. ;D
-
;D ;D ;D
-
For 2 days :D
-
👋🏼 Hello.....glad to have you back...clkd.
It'll hurt those
-
:thankyou:
knees: hips: ankles ...
-
what about back? :stretcher:
-
Oh yes, it
-
will seize up
-
Then your in
-
serious trouble, will
-
need a massage
-
and some recuperation
-
Feet up. ?Prosecco?
-
strawberries, meringues, cream :P
-
:-* yes please ;D
-
a summertime classic
-
whilst watching tennis
-
Lying on sofa
-
relaxing with cuppa
-
Rubbing sore feet
-
with lavender oil
-
They're very ticklish
-
but it's worth
-
It. So soft
-
and smell divine!
-
Will have to
-
grit my teeth
-
As inlaws are
-
staying the weekend!!!!!! ::)
-
Think I'm off. 🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀
-
Oh no you
-
Can't leave me...😭
-
With them, I
-
Won't survive because
-
I'm sure they
-
will make a mess
-
On purpose, they
-
mislay cutlery ;D
-
Put it in
-
bottom drawer! wrong.
-
Should've put it
-
in cutlery drawer
-
they have fun!
-
changing everything around
-
And playing magic
-
They're very strange
-
Then they start
-
playing hide & seek
-
with bath towels
-
Over their heads.....🙀
-
They need help
-
to leave here
-
Because they're drunk...🤨
-
and causing mayhem
-
Quick ring that
-
exterminator guy for ??? ;D
-
the yellow van
-
to take them
-
to the Orkneys
-
and leave them
-
without tickets back :D
-
can they swim?
-
not that far ?
-
they will enjoy
-
Resting. Staying put!
-
and the local
-
Sheep will love
-
to hear singing
-
About mint sauce...🙀
-
Don't really like
-
Sending them up
-
North, what will
-
Their neighbours think
-
They're just as
-
bad, as our
-
Inlaws, probably even
-
ten times worse :-\
-
They dance around
-
singing hokey cokey
-
Completely nude, what. 😆
-
they lost their..
-
Clothes?not sure
-
if they have
-
Big enough fig 😆
-
Have you seen
-
the size of
-
Them,they're like
-
Big giants from
-
another planet, maybe
-
We could lock
-
them in shed
-
Let's do it
-
right this minute
-
Yes,you go
-
first, too creepy
-
with giant spiders :o
-
Oh,no way
-
Get the big
-
man from the
-
pub next door
-
He'll come, I
-
Think he fancies
-
You, and will
-
Want a reward
-
She'll give him
-
rules to obey!!
-
And if he
-
disobeys, oh watch
-
The fireworks, she'll
-
give him what
-
For, and even
-
tease him occassionally??!! ;D
-
By wiggling her
-
hips and shaking
-
Her boobs at
-
Him,she'll have
-
Wrapped round her
-
perish the thought ;D
-
He loves it
-
though, maybe a
-
little chilly today
-
To be wearing
-
Bikini, slippers, not-much-at-all
-
I'm hot blooded. 😆
-
I can melt
-
at the touch
-
of a pizza
-
with a crispy
-
base and chillies
-
And cabbage thrown
-
For the rabbits
-
hopping in the grass
-
Look at that
-
Bundle of money
-
end of rainbow
-
still raining hard
-
Everywhere is flooded
-
Kids are paddling
-
up to their
-
knees in water
-
splashing everywhere and
-
getting absolutely soaked ;D
-
But what fun
-
get warm towels
-
Ready to dry
-
sticky feet: warm?
-
covered in grass
-
With a ladybird
-
perched on toe
-
Sing that song
-
loudly or quietly?
-
At the top
-
of the mountain
-
Yodel. Goats. Bells.
-
sound of music
-
Helicopters. Cycles. Rowing boats.
-
Air, land, sea.
-
anyhow, anywhere and
-
Anytime. That's me.....😆
-
And anywhere,you
😆😂
-
naughty minx you ;D
-
party? Where? Now?
-
Anywhere you like.....😂
-
In our Mansion ?
-
Yes!! Get the
-
Music ready and
-
Open the doors
-
It's rasmataz time! :party09:
-
Fairy lights lit
-
The watermelon and 😆
-
Orchestra ready to
-
strike up: Walzt?
-
No,aaaaagaaaaa doodoooo😆
-
Not in bare feet?
-
Shake that bootie. :veil:
-
How's your Bro.?
Dancing round handbags?
-
He's ok thanx......new meds, and home...x
With drinks in
-
That's Good News!
tall glasses: ice?
-
Umbrellas and lemon
-
:-\ Is it raining ?
-
Only by the
-
beach. Dry here.
-
Someone's wet behind
-
My new car
-
and bird poo
-
washed off now
-
Only to find
-
lost the sponge :o
-
and ran out
-
Of teabags. I'll
-
buy more boxes
-
Don't forget about
-
the posh biscuits
-
I love dunking. 😋
-
a ginger nut
-
Oh yes please.....😆
-
Only one though
-
as my waisteline
-
Is expanding rapidly
-
A longer belt?
-
It would have
-
need lots of
-
Extra leather :o
-
Maybe a meter
-
Is that enough :-\
-
Maybe two then. :'(
-
can wrap it
-
Gotta stop eating. ☹️
-
otherwise turn into
-
A humpa lumpa.....😆
-
That won't do
-
Can't be blue!
-
round and fat ;D
-
I'll look stupid
-
No more than
😆
-
Usual, but maybe
-
Now I've joined
-
A gym I'll
-
Turn pink again....😀
-
But there's a
-
Problem. I've only
-
Gone and asked
-
For a personal
-
Trainer. And he's
-
Fit,he can
-
get me in
-
A size 8
-
working me hard
-
At all things
-
including boot camp
-
assault course was
-
Quite easy really
-
must be cause
-
I'm fitter than
-
Everyone my age ::)
-
;D
I couldn't run for a bus :D
-
Wish I was
-
welcome Wobbles
wish I was - more mobile. Faster.
-
My Zimmer frame 😆
-
Hung with lights?
-
need to be seen
-
Especially in the
-
sunny evenings. Bright
-
And colourful, makes
-
Everyone look round
-
and smile instead
-
Of being miserable
-
But we're all
-
jealous and wish
-
We had one
-
to speed along
-
The pier and
-
find ice-cream
-
to enjoy while
-
watching the rain
-
come down, followed
-
by a rainbow
-
out at sea
-
sky is green :o
-
Oh no, what's
-
Happened?hope there's
-
not a storm :o
-
Coming,as we'll
-
hear the thunder [I saw green skies over the Wash as a child]
-
Here it comes....🌪💦⛈
-
quick lets get
-
A taxi and
-
Go to a
-
Pub, what you
-
want a cocktail
-
with an umbrella.
-
In a big
-
Tall,long glass
-
will keep me
-
going all night
-
Not the way
-
most knock them
-
Back, I'd be
-
Squiffy after just
-
a sniff. But
-
I'm sure I'll
-
Be able to
-
Have one or
-
Ten. Is it
-
very strong? I
-
Need something strong....😜
-
after the day
-
I've had,in
-
the shopping centre
-
Kids running all
-
over, being a nuisance
-
Need a smack :o
-
or naughty step?!
-
Not popular these days! [apparently]
-
time out then!!
-
Quiet time! Consider?
-
A gag will
-
Do,then throw
-
A bag over
-
Their heads and
-
Throw in cupboard....😆
-
That should shut
-
Them up good
-
and proper, until
-
We decide to
-
let them out
-
After ten days....😆
-
Or until they
-
they plead to
-
Get out,then
-
When they do
-
We'll say no :)
-
😆😂🤣 we'll be arrested at this rate
Because they will
-
Ask the question :-\ :D
-
About getting compensation
-
Because we've been
-
So badly treated
-
for far too
-
how much will
-
We get about?
-
About twenty I
-
guess. Geese and
-
Ducks will do
-
Their usual dance
-
Getting jiggy with
-
mud. Slob. MESSY
-
It's the mud
-
traipsing over the patio :o
-
leaving giant footprints
-
Now I'm going
-
for mop & bucket
-
For hubby to
-
Clean the floor
-
Done now. Dried.
-
Anyone fancy going
-
To a vineyard
-
Now your talking. ;D
-
We can choose
-
Which one we
-
visit, champagne region?
-
Oh yes,let's
-
Go, how about
-
We meet at
-
inside the vineyard ;D
-
With our glasses
-
At the ready
-
starting a session
-
lasting all day
-
red or white?? :P ::)
-
Yes please 😆 I'll
-
Have both in.....🤪
-
Fact I also
-
Like the owner...😛
-
You like everyone
-
You little minx
-
can't take her
-
Anywhere, she even
-
made eyes at..
-
That octogenarian,she 😆
-
flashed her legs,
-
And wore a
-
sexy shoe with
-
Sparkly stockings on. 😆
-
He nearly had
-
A heart attack
-
But she's very
-
Determined to get
-
Her hands on
-
His fat wallet
-
And his will
-
He's a billionaire
-
with a yaught
-
But he wont
-
let her invite
-
Her friends from
-
down south of...
-
The boarder because
-
They're all slightly
-
Off their rockers
-
thanks to wine
-
And cocktails with
-
all the medication
-
They're in a
-
fit of the giggles
-
And throwing themselves
-
overboard to cool
-
down, next week
-
They're doing bungee
-
Jumping,better make
-
sure they're sober
-
Or else they
-
will just bounce!! ;D
-
Then they're going
-
To be sorry
-
When they go
-
to yo-yo through
-
to hop-scotch
-
And they've done
-
their share of
-
chalking grids for
-
for the day
-
So what will
-
we entertain them
-
until they tire
-
themselves out, hopefully
-
Singing. Dancing. Skipping.
-
ideal all energetic
-
Stuff, but where
-
as the noise
-
is too much!
-
safety ear protectors
-
Soft wooly ones?
-
yellow, hard plastic
-
in a box?
-
Yes, get ten
-
as we will
-
Have more visitors
-
to share with
-
What's next then
-
Cuppa. :cupcake: exercise
-
prep for dinner
-
lots of work
-
Done enough now
-
Feet up. TV!
-
That's better, feel
-
less hot. Weary.
-
Tomorrow I'm going
-
to buy plants
-
and potting compost
-
To create a
-
lovely green oasis
-
with running water
-
for calm environment
-
cooling the air
-
With a vapour
-
Of infused lavender
-
helps you sleep
-
Morning. Slept well.
-
All ready for.....
-
the day ahead
-
relaxing and unwinding..
-
Feet up. Slippers.
-
Pj's, dressing gown
-
tea and cake
-
cuppa and scone
-
Don't want dinner.....🤢
-
Let's go out
-
YES, where to?
-
the seaside, hopefully
-
ice cream, fish tea & stick of rock!!
-
Bibs. Serviettes. Towels ;D
-
salt, vinegar & seagulls.
-
Umbrellas. Hose-pipe. Aim :o
-
Fire....got one..... ;D
-
they are a nuisance!
-
What are? Seagulls?
-
Yep. Big poos
-
On my Lamborghini
-
Not the crashed one [near Bolton :o]
-
No mine's fine
-
Phew! Open top?
-
Definitely. Closes automatically.
-
why wouldn't you
-
Buy a new
-
red sporty ferrari :o
-
Not another one
-
get swarzovski crystals
-
to jazz up
-
The windscreen wipers
-
and steering wheel
-
And eyelashes on
-
to really make
-
an impact, wow..
-
People want pictures
-
looking gorgeous & glam :o
-
Shall we charge?
-
just for a peek? ;D ;D ;D ???
-
Got it! Flaunt it!
-
We'll make a
-
killing, maybe more
-
Money than the. 💰💰💰💰
-
Duke of Westminster
-
Whose he? Posh?
-
He's worth 10 billion - btw
yes and give us
-
Free plane tickets
-
I don't fly :-\
-
let's set sail
-
Oh No! :beaurk:
-
You can drive ;)
-
in the red swarzovski ferrari!!
-
I'll be late :o
-
fashionably so CLKD?
-
even in fast car
-
It's super duper..... ;D
-
fast and furious
-
Rock n roll.....😄
-
blues and soul
-
Reggae and pop....🤷♀️ ;D
-
I feel old :D
-
But there again
-
Remember it all :D
-
Seems like yesterday
-
wasn't it? ;D
-
I was good
-
at the twist
-
And the shuffle
-
what about locomotion??? :banana: :parti: :jiggy:
-
now I've got an ear worm ;D
dancing round handbags
-
drink in hand
-
Falling all over
-
Bumps! a daisy !
-
The Bump, next...... :clapping:
-
Sitting this out
-
Ouch, you bumped
-
into a chair!
-
Now your going
-
Home. Bath time ;D
-
Full of bruises
-
need some arnica!
-
Need some coffee! 🤪
-
Need some 🍷
-
Washing the glasses
-
to refill? or
-
put away for
-
The rabble later
-
no doubt they'll
-
Want even more
-
how about shots? :drunklaf:
-
Really? Ok then
-
down in one
-
We're going to
-
join the party?!
-
Yes, let's gate
-
crash with pals
-
This is fun...🥳
-
like being teenagers
-
Oh yes, remember
-
those days, innocent
-
Might have been....🤭
-
me, definitely was...
-
Not them though.....🙀
-
No they were
-
Trouble. Getting into
-
drugs, smoking, alcohol
-
Rock n roll...😆
-
and heavy metal
-
How I wish
-
I'd a pair 😳
-
Of friends like
-
Jill and jay 😆😂
-
you beat me to it ;D
-
We'd drive you
-
insane, with lots
-
Of fun and
-
Nonstop ogling the
-
Blokes in uniform.....😬
-
A nice policeman
-
A young Vet.
-
a naval officer (going with the blokes in uniform answer!!) ;D
-
Who likes to
-
sail the ocean!!!!
-
With his dog
-
sea sick steve! ;D ;D
-
You know him?
-
No but OH a fan!!
-
He's well famous.....😆
-
Really? What for
-
Brut after shave
-
And pulling women.....😏
-
by the hair :o
-
Caveman like, it
-
doesn't happen now
-
Not very often
-
Not in this CAVE
-
You'd punch his
-
;D
-
lights out, then
-
Two bruised eyes.....😎 😂
-
That will teach
-
Him a lesson
-
If he tries
-
To pinch my
-
mobile phone it
-
Will give him
-
an electric shock
-
As I have
-
special phone case
-
That will zap
-
anyone who tries
-
To take it
-
His hairs all
-
singed and black
-
He doesn't know....😳
-
What else will
-
It do to
-
him, racing heart?
-
Yes,when he
-
Looks at you
-
for too long
-
with come to
-
My bed eyes....🥺
-
But my conjunctivitis
-
will put him
-
Off,and my
-
Constant passing wind 😂🤣
-
;D. Won't help either
-
When I burp...🤣😂
-
He'll smell what
-
Peas! Mushy aswell...🤣😂🤣😂🤣 ( it's a brummie thing) 🤣😂🤣
-
🤮🤮🤮
He's more refined
-
Don't tell me
-
He likes caviar
-
Oh, very posh
-
Too posh for
-
Me, I can't
-
stand it. YUK!
-
All slimy and
-
Eggy, does he
-
have expensive taste
-
No, he's fishy
-
suspicious of new
-
People, he's MI5...🙀
-
ooh a spy
-
Been spying on
-
us and our chat?! ;D
-
he'll learn lots ;D
-
About someone called
-
'tea's ready now'
-
Hope he's not
-
burning his fingers
-
That's what he
-
done once before
-
used 'savlon' successfully
-
and a finger dressing
-
Much better now
-
got him out
-
of the kitchen
-
and making mess
-
I'll clear up!
-
Why? What's he
-
cooked? Tea. 4 me ;D
-
Was it nice
-
Yes. Full now.
-
What's he making
-
Egg and chips
-
with bread'n butter ?
-
sounds scrummy, can
-
I have ketchup
-
Yes of course
-
Would you also
-
Like a bib
-
Yes because I
-
I spill wine ;D
-
Down my chin.... ;D
-
lookig like dribbling
-
down my bra
-
It'll stain now.... :bang:
-
Oh don't worry
-
I'll bleach it
-
Has it come
-
out with vanish?
-
Yes it's fine
-
until the next
-
Delivery of wine 🙂
-
Must be careful
-
with the red
-
In the bed
-
watching a film
-
along with popcorn
-
>wave Dyan<
messy. sticky. Tasty?
-
>wave CLKD<
Yes very good ;)
-
packet empty now :-\
-
want some more
-
But I'd better
-
Stick to the
-
Pimms with ice
-
Okay I will
-
salt the glass rim
-
Ready for the margherita's
-
any little umbrellas? ;D
-
lots of lemons
-
Don't forget sugar
-
with cocktails? Ice?
-
Crushed please with
-
a tissue. Sticky.
-
Wasps are about.🐝
-
I love wasps
-
Can't swallow them..... ;D
-
might sting our throat
-
Then we're in
-
Big trouble because
-
We'll be talking
-
croaky & hoarse
-
coughing, spluttering, tearful
-
And the wasp
-
Will be stuck
-
There forever. So
-
Keep mouth shut......🤐
-
I'm getting hungry
-
wasp crumble and custard ?
-
Yuck! would prefer
-
Honey bee delight? 😂
-
I'm afraid the
-
angel delight might
-
be too sickly
-
Mud pie anyone? 😳
-
yes, can throw
-
it onto the garden
-
for the birds
-
muddy wings and beaks
-
They love pastry
-
even though it's
-
Sticky. Cold. Raw :o
-
No, it's cooked!
-
Cooked it myself
-
;D still sticky.
[Many++ years ago I made shortbread. It over cooked, even the birds couldn't peck it as it went everywhere :D]
-
Birds won't mind
-
Gourmet food to
-
peck on and
-
Drop all over
-
the picnic table
-
along with poo
-
On our sandwiches
-
which are thrown
-
In the sea
-
by the seagulls ;D
-
Fancy an icecream 🍦
-
with a Flake?
-
Oh yes,could
-
eat two Flakes
-
Crumbliest milk chocolate... ;D
-
Which makes a
-
mess everywhere, will
-
Alert the cleaner
-
she can hoover
-
Dust. Polish. Clean.
-
Not expensive either
-
Wet floor mop
-
Stinking to high
-
Heaven,will have
-
to buy new
-
One,maybe get
-
Those slippers that
-
Also clean the
-
Floor when wearing
-
Nice colourful ones
-
with pompoms attached
-
big red ones
-
with glitter/sequins ;D
-
very heavy so
-
I'll have to
-
put gliders on
-
And use dumbbells
-
to give more
-
Muscle tone, its
-
helped flabby skin
-
Can I do
-
lurid green pompons?
-
I'm afraid not
-
glow in the dark!! :o
-
Won't go with
-
rest of outfit
-
Should I change
-
to something more..
-
Appealing for the
-
way I'm feeling!!
-
Go put on
-
leotard & rara skirt! ;D ;D ;D
-
Can't, needs washing
-
How about that
-
green/black shell suit ? :o ???
-
it's been stolen
-
damn, should I
-
Just put bikini.....🙀
-
on, to honour
-
Our beach trip
-
Go naked Girls ;D
-
On nudist beach......😆
-
Got a rash
-
Is it catching....😳
-
Yes,so you
-
need to swim
-
as salt water
-
Is good for
-
the skin. Shower!
-
Then apply ointment
-
and sunbathe naked
-
But it's raining
-
but its warm
-
laying nude wheyho!
-
until someone spoils
-
The view with
-
their larger than
-
Life beach ball...🤨
-
causing chaos on
-
work wonders on
-
The water as
-
Filled with helium
-
;D + :rofl: = humour
-
It's great watching
-
it bouncing on waves
-
Taking them higher
-
and higher until
-
It bursts and
-
sound of gas
-
All over beach
-
giving sunbathers a
-
Squeaky voice, they
-
wanted an icecream
-
But got hotdogs.....😆
-
;D instead, machine broke
-
So they were
-
annoyed, weather too
-
Hot to stay
-
with no ice cream
-
So we're going
-
home, to enjoy
-
An icecream fest..... ;D
-
until we're sick
-
Then tomorrow im
-
Going on a
-
bear hunt in
-
the woods with
-
Yogi bear as
-
leader, until Paddington
-
Turns up with
-
Bear Grylls, who
-
Will make you
-
eat & drink disgusting
-
Bugs and bits
-
as nothing else
-
is available 🤷♀️
-
I'm full up
-
:rofl:
with wind. BURP
-
Least it's not
-
painful indigestion. Hic-ups
-
while walking up
-
Mam Tor. Views++
-
green and lush
-
in beautiful sunshine
-
Factor 30's on
-
Just incase we
-
burn, while resting
-
On the inflatable
-
pink, glittery, flamingo!
-
Oh it's popped
-
blow up unicorn!!
-
Quickly, I'm sinking.... ;D
-
RNLI are here
-
Men in uniforms ;D
-
RNLI + Mam Tor ;D ;D ;D
to help rescue
-
There's a Mountain Rescue Team in the Fens :D
my slippers and socks
-
That are sinking... ;D. ( I did say,,SINKING, and NOT stinking..) ;D ;D
-
in the tarn
-
with late tadpoles
-
Too late, they've
-
turning into frogs
-
Thousands of them
-
Blackbird will eat them
-
Just one blackbird? ;D
-
Ours eats loads :o [stands by the water and scoops up dozens, then flies away]
-
He's greedy because
-
He's been on
-
parent watch. Five!
-
mouths to feed
-
New feathers to grow
-
And teach how
-
to fly and
-
Catch worms, also
-
how to sing.
-
In the morning >:(
-
It's outa tune! 🤨
-
chicks will soon
-
be chirping and
-
Making a racket....🤨
-
Got any earplugs
-
Yes have these......🍒
-
I'm presuming they are cherries Jilly!!
cherries I'm sure
-
Couldn't find earplugs Yorkie, so shove one cherry in each ear....😂🤣
Will fit ears....
-
But are sticky :D
-
They'll stay put...😆
-
Until I sneeze
-
Oops, they've landed..
-
with a thud
-
On the car
-
hope no damage
-
Just red stains
-
Have to wash
-
It now, shall
-
I get the
-
Bikini on, afterall,
-
Yes,showing all
-
bits and pieces ;D
-
To the neighbours
-
Lucky neighbours,they
-
get to see
-
pale pink skin :D
-
partially covered with
-
Milk bottle tops...😆
-
;D ;D
Until the sun
-
Reflects off of
-
Them and blinds
-
the nosy neighbours
-
Shouldn't be nosey... ;D
-
But they can't
-
Help themselves its
-
The gorgeous body
-
Of a serpent
-
what all scaly?
-
Yes, but its
-
thought it was body of a sergeant...the re read it, disappointed!! ;D ;D
nice to touch ;)
-
;D
All silky and soft
-
manly musky smell
-
Needs deodorant under.......😆
-
those armpits eeww
-
Lots of talc?
-
Don't forget the
-
lovely smelling deodorant
-
A shave would
-
Make me look
-
more ladylike and
-
I might also
-
Have a trim. 😬
-
Of the moustache
-
as it tickles.
-
When I kiss
-
All the policemen 😁😁😁
-
You're feeling better?
-
You can tell 😆😂
-
the police to beware ;D
-
Menopause women are ;D
-
Unstable. Irritable. Sweaty.
-
Policemen won't be
-
Keen. They will
-
Lock you up
-
For having a
-
Car parked on
-
your own drive
-
;D
instead of a
-
Camper van on
-
;D
a green field
-
getting in trouble
-
With a barbecue
-
that won't light
-
I've thrown it
-
Off for pub-lunch
-
That's much easier
-
Might even have
-
A pint. Lets
-
Have three then
-
can stagger home
-
In my heels
-
on stiletto heels
OK - you beat me to it
in my heels - 2" high stilettos
-
Take them off
-
and walk bare
-
footed. NOOOOO. Stones :o
-
ouch, broken glass >:(
-
off to A&E
-
stop the bleeding :stretcher:
-
This is going
-
to be embarrassing
-
Still in my
-
tight unicorn onesie!
-
;D
Staff at hospital
-
had good giggle
-
once stitched up
-
They've stitched up...
-
My onesie to
-
My skin, what
-
Am I going
-
To do now
-
Please help me!
-
Pull those weeds
-
Out of your.....😆
-
Hair,how did
-
they get there!
-
Fell into hedge
-
Some sparrows landed
-
on my head
-
My hair looks
-
Good, for a
-
fancy dress party
-
You'll definitely get
-
A man dressed
-
Like that, but
-
What sort of
-
nest? Feathers? Sheeps' wool?
-
Composty dirty mess? 😂
-
and very smelly
-
Look, you've won....🤩
-
the beauty contest ;D
-
What you won
-
Yes don't know how
-
But your beautiful
-
But I've a
-
horrible warty face ;D
-
And bushy eyebrows
-
with hairy chin (or is it just me?!!) ;D
-
No, not just you.....😂.....🧔
But your better
-
with your makeup
-
Plastered on with
-
A trowel,it's
-
That thick, i
-
can barely see
-
where I'm going ;D
-
Your resembling a
-
Quick need some
-
Advice because I
-
Can't get it
-
In the bathroom(no idea what we are talking about now)
-
;D ;D ;D what's new ;D
Because there's no
-
room to manoeuvre
-
to paint toe-nails?
-
;D ;D
You've lost the ......🤪🤪
-
Cloth to clean
-
the mirror thoroughly
-
But I don't
-
Clean. My maid
-
Will have to
-
Do it. She
-
Gets paid enough
-
I've already seen
-
Her work. Its
-
A bit sloppy
-
I'd be better
-
Getting a robot! 🤖
-
at least it
-
Wouldn't try to
-
Raid the fridge
-
And drink all
-
My vintage brandy
-
along with carrot cake
-
And my big
-
cream cake which
-
I was keeping
-
till tomorrow afternoon
-
When I'm going
-
to eat it
-
Naked in the
-
Fire department,they 😆
-
Don't mind if
-
Bring a friend
-
A naked friend?
-
then try firemans
-
Oxygen tank on
-
Wow, that's good
-
Feel great now
-
Better get dressed...😲
-
Because the firemen
-
Are on strike
-
lack of women
-
Volunteers to help
-
them into uniform
-
They need help
-
Putting their hose.....🤭
-
away in engine
-
😳😳😳😳😆😂
Until they need
-
it to fight
-
The grass fires
-
thanks to arsonists
-
And barbecue users
-
who don't think
-
About where they
-
Throw their burnt
-
barbecue coals without
-
Looking first, it's
-
typical of selfish
-
Selfish aliens who......👽
-
wear green suites
-
At the weekends
-
Plus, they leave
-
Ailen goo everywhere
-
;D
Is it green?
-
Absolutely, very sticky ;D
-
Where's the mop
-
They've got it..
-
They've stolen it?
-
Get the Police!!!
-
Oh yes please 😆🤣
-
Police all out
-
Resting. Ironing. Off-duty
-
What's next then
-
Sleep. Sleep. Sleep ....
-
But I've got
-
A :cake: to bake
-
Is it a
-
A special birthday?
-
Nope. A craving :D
-
which happens too
-
Often,I'm going
-
on a diet
-
Very very soon
-
After that cake? 😆
-
Yes,no more
-
otherwise i'll end
-
Up as fat
-
As that barrel
-
and roll down
-
The hill to
-
the local pub?? ;D
-
;D
kept on rolling :o
-
Into the river
-
And got bitten
-
On the bum
-
By a rather
-
Large scuba diver 😆😂🤣🤷♀️
-
He did say
-
He thought I
-
was some edible
-
Doll made of
-
Fluffy pink marshmallows 😀
-
All bruised now
-
need some arnica
-
Who's going to
-
rub it on??? :o ::)
-
That fisherman over
-
By my boat
-
He has big
-
hands and will
-
Be really gentle
-
Does he charge
-
No,not when
-
You give him
-
bottle of beer
-
With a vodka
-
He'll be so
-
:-\ light headed maybe?
-
Watch that man.....👉🎅🏽
-
Noooooo not that
-
Man,not just
-
Any man it's
-
The best,most
-
Handsome man you've
-
Ever seen, who
-
just so happens
-
to be mine!!!!!!!
-
Hands off, he's
-
Promised me a
-
quickie in the
-
;D ;D
Boat shed, if
-
I buy him
-
A new engine
-
for new boat
-
He also said
-
He'd marry her....
-
in the red
-
Phone box near
-
the marina where
-
the chippie is
-
He can't marry
-
that woman, cause
-
She's already married....
-
To the vicar
-
Don't think he'd
-
Like it if
-
She had two
-
More children because
-
Because she's already
-
Got 10. Its
-
getting crowded in
-
the bathroom ;D
-
and the fridge..
-
Only small house
-
designed for six
-
We have 12 :o
-
Some sleep in
-
A cardboard box
-
With a lid..😆
-
Nice box though
-
It's got pretty
-
Little holes on
-
The side to
-
Let air through
-
can't have suffocation
-
On our hands
-
Shall we let
-
them out once
-
We get new
-
bigger prettier boxes
-
Or shall we
-
Tape them up....😆
-
Yes,that's a
-
Criminal offence though
-
But who will
-
Know. I'm ex
-
Military and not
-
One to be
-
messed with but
-
I'm big softie
-
at heart who
-
Will cry at
-
the slightest thing
-
I'm crying now
-
am peeling onions
-
For the enormous
-
Pot of stew
-
I'm making for
-
the military man
-
And his platoon
-
25 of them
-
should keep them
-
Happy and full
-
while on manoeuvres
-
Are you going?
-
To watch because
-
they'll be using
-
Roller skates and
-
weaponry to help
-
Get stranded bears
-
to safety before
-
It gets dark
-
and the locals
-
Out of the
-
pub try to
-
Take our skates
-
Done it before
-
Yeah, and they
-
will do again
-
Not if we
-
put a stop
-
To their thieving
-
and anti social
-
Behaviour, but how.
-
We could try
-
Telling that menopausal
-
woman who hangs
-
Out at the
-
pub with them
-
has a raging
-
Bull with her. 🐂
-
and no HRT !!!!!!
-
God help all
-
Who come into
-
contact with her
-
She's a battleaxe
-
You wouldn't want
-
To get on
-
Her Bull, he
-
has a tendency
-
To be a
-
buckaroo type bull :o
-
And he throws
-
Grass at you
-
Wonder why he's
-
Wearing that hat
-
Makes him look
-
cool rather than
-
warm and cosy
-
while in field
-
smelling the flowers
-
making daisy chains
-
And watching the
-
Cows stroll by
-
stomachs gurgling, farting
-
Yeah, mines the same....😂
Giving off gas
-
Still like Jill 🤣
Don't stand too
-
close. Might stink
-
Up your lovely
-
dress and ruin
-
😷
Your lovely new
-
shoes, cleaning them
-
Won't get rid
-
of the smell
-
Better just buy
-
new, yippeee shopping
-
Let's go now!
-
I'm ready, where
-
Shall we look?
-
lets go boutique
-
then coffee and cake
-
Got any credit-cards?
-
Yes and I've
-
got my winnings
-
So I'm going
-
on a spree
-
for garden plants
-
Also shoes and
-
handbags and lipstick
-
Going to Harrods
-
Can we afford
-
A new car
-
arrive in style
-
At the dance
-
crushed velvet dress,
-
Hair hanging loosely
-
Will have to
-
Have a makeover
-
Botox in my 😳😳😳😳😳😳
-
face to plump
-
Me up a bit
-
And butt implants.....😆
-
Already got them
-
How about bigger
-
Boobs? I would 😆
-
Love to have
-
A nice cleavage
-
make me feel
-
Like a proper
-
woman filling a
-
Egg box up...😆
-
with cream eggs??? where is this going, I'm lost!!!! ;D
-
🤣 me too
How do you
-
Get over there?
-
Where?are you
-
Here, over here......😂
-
Are you lost?
-
Yes, completely how
-
Did that happen?
-
when I've got
-
A sat nav
-
Because the roads
-
are closed, diversions
-
are not properly
-
Put out on
-
I'm lost now
-
You and me....🤷♀️
-
Where's the map
-
In the atlas?
-
that's not handy
-
left at home ::)
-
Got any cash?
-
£100.00. In pennies ;D
-
Least we can
-
buy one to
-
Get where we
-
Are going,where
-
Are we going? 😆
-
I have no
-
idea, afternoon tea?? :P
-
A bit extravagant
-
we deserve a
-
Treat, cake and
-
ice-cream. Messy ;D
-
Mr Whippy for
-
The little dog
-
Who ate the cone
-
And he loved
-
the flake melting :P
-
Got sticky fingers
-
And bits of
-
Chocolate over his
-
fur which will
-
Melt and he'll
-
need a bath ;D
-
Poor doggy, the ....
-
hosepipe will suffice
-
Quick blast will
-
Get rid of
-
Melted chocolate and
-
his loose back
-
hair, he will
-
Look fabulous by
-
time he's dry
-
Shall we put
-
him in dog
-
Show next week
-
Yes!hes sure
-
to win, if
-
We bribe the
-
Judge,or we
-
Buy them a.........( no,no, no..Jaypo!) 😂🤣
-
Aaaaaaaaaaa
Nice big box
-
of chocs. :P But ...
-
Make sure we
-
Get fancy ones
-
With strawberry ones
-
Maybe wine would
-
Be nice with
-
them or champagne
-
Oops drank it
-
'OMG' jillydoll is
-
Fast asleep. Snoring :o
-
Don't waken her
-
she won't be
-
very pleased. We
-
Stole all her
-
blankets. Pillows. Socks .....
-
And her money
-
she spent it ;D
-
;D ;D
I did, I
-
bought a massive
-
House, complete with
-
Granny flat so
-
Jillydoll can escape
-
;D
So she can
-
Get away from..........😂
-
all the rubbish
-
ON HERE, about....... ;D
-
Tomorrow, I'm going
-
to watch MotoGP
-
Too much telly!!
-
Going to Monte-Carlo!!!
-
Now your talking.....💃💃
-
What about casino?
-
Got any money?
-
No,have you?
-
someone must have
-
Spent mine on Maltesers
-
So what are
-
we going to
-
Do to get
-
Cash. Bank robbery?
-
Ok, you get
-
The balaclavas and
-
The water pistols.....
-
I'll distract the
-
Security guards with
-
All my tattoos
-
Not that one
-
Why not? What
-
Part of your
-
Body had most
-
Work done, I
-
Was drunk, and
-
Got one on
-
My nose but
-
Now I wish
-
It was my
-
bottom, give them
-
A marker pen
-
to add their
-
Drawing to my
-
bottom, as it
-
Is my best
-
feature, after all
-
It's pert and
-
perfectly formed, to
-
So go distract...
-
security guy easily
-
Watch me as
-
Spring into action
-
Strutting about with
-
new twerking routine :rofl:
-
Practiced for hours
-
Still no good ;D
-
gold hot pants
-
Are a bit
-
tight and are ....
-
Not covering all
-
my butt cheeks
-
;D
Need a larger
-
size, hate buying
-
Shorts, right, I'm.
-
Standing naked. Wonderful!
-
Security will like
-
to cover me
-
On their tele......😆
-
Giving me 5k
-
for a sarong
-
Is it gold?
-
yes, 18ct thread
-
on deep cerise
-
No belly dancing...
-
My belly would
-
go in all
-
Directions,probably best
-
To wear magic
-
stripper tights and
-
Bugg** the consequences
-
:lol:
of getting cold
-
I'm going to
-
Ring up my
-
Weird guru friend 😂🤷♀️
-
to help tighten
-
My buttocks, theyre
-
a bit flabby
-
Better do some
-
Weight lifting because
-
That will tighten
-
Up the muscles
-
Then I'll be-able
-
To use the
-
pool on holiday
-
In a swimsuit
-
Rather than wearing
-
A dressing gown
-
Not the Brazilian
-
No the Mexican
-
Very sexy that
-
would get people
-
talking, but my
-
suntan is great :-*
-
Looking good again. 🤩
-
Need bright lipstick
-
to cheer up
-
My boyfriend, he's
-
burnt his little
-
Finger, he cried
-
Show him your
-
bottom tattoos, that
-
Were free because
-
You did that
-
design competition and
-
OUCH they stung
-
My bottom was
-
all pin ****s
-
Looked like a
-
pin cushion which
-
cheese stick hedgehog [remember those?]
-
Yes I do...my dad loved em...😆
Looked amazing though
-
Right I'm off
-
to wash up
-
the champagne glasses
-
Hundreds to be
-
done. Then I'm
-
Going to put
-
bubbles in hot water
-
And have a
-
Chemistry lesson with
-
The scientist I
-
passed 'O' Levels with
-
Back in the
-
50s when I 😂 ;D
-
16 years old.......
-
can you remember?
-
No,not really ;D
-
Nor can I :lol:
-
But I'm sure
-
we had fun
-
we make a
-
Great comedy couple
-
Going on tv
-
For the first
-
Time,we'd possibly
-
fall about laughing
-
Or, get kicked
-
Out because we
-
Get over excited
-
We'll be fine ::)
-
Probably just make
-
Arses of ourselves.....🤭. 😲
-
Wouldn't be the
-
First time. Once,
-
I fell over
-
And my boobs 😂😆
-
Hit the bloke......😂
-
Right on his 😳😳😳😳😆😂
-
Nose! A big
-
One he had ;D
-
😂
Which was bruised
-
Because of my
-
Nips struck it.....😆
-
;D
It was cold 😂
-
Could've took his......😁
-
nose off in
-
One quick flick.....😆
-
;D
off to hospital
-
It's broken. Ouch.
-
it's been reset
-
But now it
-
Keeps falling off....😳
-
Get some super
-
Eaten it all
-
Fridge is empty
-
Going shopping then?
-
Super clkd super,not supper ;D ;D
Yes, I need
-
food, cupboards are
-
;D ........
full. Biscuits. Chocolate .........
-
lots of goodies
-
wrapping paper. Ribbons.
-
But I've lost
-
The cello-tape where
-
is it? Stuck?
-
to the bottom
-
Of the cupboard
-
Never mind, lets
-
Get on with
-
Fixing his nose 😂
-
will gaffer tape
-
stick too hard?
-
well needs to
-
use cream first?
-
That's it, stuck
-
A plaster on
-
the wound. Better?
-
Don't sneeze though......🤧
-
;D. It'll fly
-
Right off and
-
then he won't
-
Be able to
-
Go on holiday
-
Can't smell the
-
food but alcohol
-
Is in abundance
-
keep him happy
-
Sit him down
-
on fur rug ;D
-
With a bowl
-
Of rice crispies
-
and large coffee
-
Let's leave him
-
to it, now
-
It's time to
-
Start enjoying the
-
Weekend, shall we
-
do something fun
-
What's in mind?
-
Pub lunch, then
-
Shopping? I need
-
new boots as
-
I only have
-
20 pairs,so 😂
-
I need more
-
especially warm boots
-
With fur lining
-
keep feet toasty
-
When the snow
-
Turns everything white.
-
And I live
-
in the countryside
-
In a tiny house :D
-
Which is crooked.....😆
-
Because of subsidence
-
No wonder you've
-
Got scaffolding up
-
Winter lights round it?
-
Yes, look amazing
-
neighbours are jealous
-
I've got turrets (is there meds for that😂)
-
;D
green: red: white?
-
kaleidoscope of colours
-
Pretty flowers in
-
window boxes in
-
The window outside
-
the turrets and
-
front door. Buetiful
-
All we need
-
Now is some
-
Speakers and we
-
Can have a
-
Party in the
-
Wonderful colourful garden....😃
-
with it's fountain
-
And ice swans....🦢
-
looking rather majestic
-
As they melt....😆
-
Oops,there goes
-
;D ;D
another one, how
-
Will we dry
-
ice them, it
-
Revives them, they'll
-
Thank us for
-
It, look the
-
swans are floating
-
Oh, I'm dreaming
-
In Lala land.
-
while singing opening
-
the wine cellar ;D
-
Locked door. No-one
-
Around to ask
-
I'm losing the plot....
To get me
-
My usual tipple
-
Shall we get
-
it ourselves, then
-
Lock the cupboard
-
so no-one else
-
Can get our
-
bottles and become
-
Drunk as skunks
-
then embarrass us
-
When they start
-
singing loudly and
-
Stripping off all
-
their clothes even
-
Though it's freezing 🥶
-
We'll all have
-
A laugh at
-
their expense, until
-
They turn red
-
all over their
-
Hairy legs because
-
we've stolen their
-
Trousers. Will they
-
turn nasty and
(Hi jd 👋)
-
Try to chase
-
Us to get
Hi Joanipat.👋🏼.. 🙂
-
them back, before
-
We throw them
-
On our bonfire
-
with Guy wearing
-
Grandpa's pyjamas. But
-
We better make
-
sure that the
-
Tortoise is safe
-
In its nest
-
Because it's pregnant
-
And Grandpa is
-
likely to light
-
How R your tortoises YG?
likely to light - a cigar. Yuk!
-
Watch out, theres
-
A hedgehog in
-
Our kitchen, it's
-
Hungry, give it
-
cat food, but
-
The cat wont
-
Be very happy
-
He loves his
-
Food and won't
-
Budget, he loves
-
They are fine, thanks. Going into hibernation next weekend! They now have a new fridge!
fish, he'll even
-
Catch his own.
-
from pond in
-
CLKDs back garden......😆
-
Uh-o, Grandpa sat
-
And watched him
-
didn't stop him
-
Grandad in the pond >:(
-
What's he doing
-
with that large
-
Fishing rod? Nooooo
-
He won't catch
-
anything they're slippery
-
Including the cat....😆
-
who's only after
-
Fish for himself
-
greedy blighter, now
-
He's soaked grandad....😆
-
;D
and run off
-
to play with
-
neighbours cat, mischief
-
Getting through windows
-
at neighbours, and
-
Causing chaos inside
-
Just hope nothing
-
Is broken or
-
He's sprayed everywhere....😆
-
eeww the smell
-
He's done it! 😡
-
What are we
-
Going to do
-
get professional cleaners
-
Are you paying?
-
We can do
-
It ourselves,I'm
-
going to get
-
A bucket and
-
A sponge with
-
Then roll my
-
sleeves up and
-
Get stuck in
-
Here comes grandad! 🤨
-
Quick, need to
-
Hide the whiskey
-
He's drank all
-
the brandy and
-
He's on patrol
-
Later with you! 🙀
-
He'd better not
-
Be frisky with. 😄
-
Me or I'll
-
Drop him off
-
In the middle
-
Of that river! 🤨
-
That'll cool him
-
down, will take
-
ages, if we
-
have to rescue
-
Him,think we
-
should leave him???? :-\
-
Yes,he'll be. Hey foxy 👋
-
Hi, Jaypo, been a while (have had alot on recently, including a fall from my bike, ouch lots of bruising but nothing broken other than my pride!! ;D ;D so not been as regular on the forum!).
wearing his armbands
-
he won't drown
-
Then, although he
-
might float away?!
-
He'll be fine
-
until the waterfall :'(
-
Oh no,we
-
going to witness
-
007 rescuing him.....😆
-
007 isn't well
-
Well what about
-
Ringing Spider-Man up
-
He's stuck in
-
his own web ;D
-
Call captain America
-
What would he do?
-
He's strong and
-
Has many friends
-
Who do what?
-
Help save the
-
man we need
-
To get out
-
the incredible hulk
-
Green but strong
-
He's saved him.... :clapping:
-
Right, I'm off
-
to pub, food
-
Is free today
-
Count me in
-
Fancy a pie
-
with roasted veggies
-
mash, tasty pudding :P
-
All of it
-
And some wine
-
Large red for
-
Starters then i'll
-
Go on to
-
soft drinks, until
-
8 o'clock then,
-
tequilla shots, wow!! :drunklaf: :stretcher: :stupid:
-
Are you drunk? 🥳
-
Yes, I think
-
I am, I've
-
Had 15 babychams 😂
-
Now feel, sick :sick02: :sick02:
-
Serves. U. Right! :kick:
-
Stop doing that
-
Or I will
-
Be bruised all over ;D
-
Why you kissing
-
the bar staff
-
Coz I fancy
-
A free drink
-
You've had enough ::)
-
Can't I have
-
one more before
-
I collapse in
-
a heap on
-
Top of that
-
Mound of ironing
-
Think I need
-
A new iron
-
steam function has
-
been really useful [I thought you were on holiday :-\ ]
-
Not when im
-
In a rush
-
Need a maid
-
to help, too
-
Get me sober
-
Where's the coffee
-
On its way
-
Hurry up then!
-
need caffeine hit
-
Ground or powdered?
-
A latte please
-
With or without
-
a biscuit or
-
A shot of
-
Extra caffeine because
-
I'm sluggish, need
-
A big :kick:
-
Ouch, that hurt!
-
My botty is
-
Red raw from
-
that beating by
-
The neighbour, he
-
Didn't like the
-
work done on
-
His wife's face
-
She looked like
-
a horse with
-
Massive nostrils and
-
A hairy chin 😆
-
making her look
-
A bit like
-
Her sister, which
-
is unfortunate, because
-
She looks like
-
She's sucked lemons
-
Off a nettle ;D
-
But it's because
-
in family genes
-
They all look
-
like witches maybe
-
They are and
-
we'll be cursed
-
Oh no, you. 😱
-
can't be serious?
-
Yep, she's turned
-
a spell on
-
You're going to
-
Lose all your
-
Teeth,then your
-
Be flying around
-
on a broom
-
With a pointy
-
chin beard. Lets...
-
Fly over there
-
Don't wear a
-
Mini skirt because
-
it will fly
-
Off due to
-
the rather windy
-
Arse at the 🤣
-
children watching the
-
christmas lights switch-on
-
which then failed
-
Because of the
-
Flooding. But tomorrow
-
the sun will
-
Be in abundance
-
until it snows
-
We'd better put
-
The washing out
-
could freeze on
-
Top of roof
-
It'll soon melt
-
when sunshine appears
-
It's raining now
-
There's a slate
-
Hanging off, it
-
might fall on
-
my head and
-
I haven't got
-
a thick skull
-
Oh, it's fell
-
On my car
-
That'll be costly
-
better than losing
-
My head though....😂
-
Aha you were on my wave length ;D
would be painful
-
😉
With a slate
-
being thrown from
-
A great height
-
And landing on
-
My rather big
-
botty,probably squash
-
into better shape
-
Like a rugby 🏉
-
Better get the
-
Kettle on because
-
Vicar is coming
-
Best teacups out
-
Some jammy dodgers ;D
-
Lovely. How about
-
showing the vicar
-
Your new bikini ;D ;D
-
With the tassels
-
His wife's coming!
-
Quick,cover yourself
-
Too late, she's
-
Seen you,you'd
-
better cover up
-
your massive boobs
-
Nooooo, not with
-
the saucepan lids
-
Just washed those!
-
Use the bowls
-
From the dishwasher
-
they're bigger and
-
Fit like a
-
glove, careful though
-
They are chipped
-
don't want cut ???
-
Haven't got plasters
-
Big enough to
-
cover my boobs
-
What about two
-
T.towels, are they
-
the nice ones
-
Only buy quality
-
They're from harrods
-
Oooh very posh
-
I am posh!
-
(Tries not to laugh😂 )
I only buy
-
I am I tell you...🥴
Triple thick cotton
-
Hmmmmm🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤣😂
Pants because they
-
Keep my bum
-
Pulled in, but
-
They do get
-
A bit hot
-
so need cooling
-
With some ice
-
In a cocktail 🍸(cheers!)
-
Anymore going, as
-
the vicar has
-
Known to try
-
And drink a
-
Glass an hour
-
He has hollow
-
Wooden legs, and
-
so alcohol has
-
No effect whatsoever
-
His sermons are
-
Very short though
-
Because he can't
-
Speak properly due
-
To the bottle
-
always at his
-
Lips. His wife
-
is the same
-
She don't stop!
-
Nip of vodka
-
Every fifteen minutes
-
And in her
-
Standing in community
-
Got no shame
-
She also flaunts
-
With the boss
-
Constantly and it's
-
So obvious,she
-
Doesn't even care
-
who sees her
-
With her low
-
Level ways, she'll
-
Get her come-uppance (is that even a word)
-
then she'll be
-
Struck off the
-
National women's group
-
And be 😔 sad
-
Her own fault
-
She should've put
-
The bottle down
-
After 2nd bottle
-
But no,she
-
Just kept going
-
Six bottles she
-
Had before lunch
-
No wonder she
-
Fell asleep when
-
She was eating
-
and entertaining clients
-
Food all over
-
Her face and
-
Down her cleavage
-
Who's going to
-
Wipe her clean ?
-
All the men
-
Are very busy
-
that only leaves
-
You...you'll have
-
To do it
-
I'm not putting
-
My clean hands
-
On her crumby
-
Chest, it's all
-
congealed making it
-
Very sticky and
-
It's started to
-
Stick to her
-
making it difficult
-
To prize her
-
from her bath ?
-
;D
She's well and
-
truly stuck, what
-
Are we going
-
to do, fireman? ;D
-
uniforms again? Whoooppeee
-
;D
Yes please, ring,
-
them now, ogle
-
At them working.....😉
-
to free poor
-
Sticky woman out
-
Huff, puff, heave :sweatdrop:
-
It's no use
-
We will have
-
To get the
-
Fire brigade 😊😊😊😊😊😊 they'll
-
cut her out
-
We'd better cover
-
The cat because
-
She is scared
-
Here we go
-
One last chance
-
One......two.......threeeeee
-
lift and she's
-
Finally free. Shall
-
We put her
-
On the chair
-
No because she
-
Always falls off
-
On stone floor
-
don't want another
-
Humpty Dumpty episode.
-
Because last time
-
We couldn't pick
-
All of her
-
Needed 4 people
-
Why she sobbing?
-
Because she broke
-
Her new glasses
-
Landed on them
-
Cost her £600
-
luckily, she has
-
A replacement false
-
Pair from Tesco
-
Is she ok?
-
Yes. Had brandy
-
I gave her
-
Falling asleep now
-
She'll have a
-
Party later now
-
let's surprise her
-
I'll get the
-
Cake and more
-
Chairs, there's not
-
Enough music,what
-
About your guitar
-
Oh yes, and
-
I have a
-
Drum set, anyone
-
Got earplugs,it's
-
gonna be noisy
-
Grab the paracetamol
-
And I'll get
-
banging a tune!! ;D
-
You're tone deaf!!
-
and rubbish singer :-X
-
Please don't sing
-
Christmas Carols until January ;D
-
When it's over
-
And done with.
-
We can get
-
A ticket to
-
the pantomime if
-
it doesn't snow
-
Bought snow shovel
-
So we'll be
-
Released if we
-
Release our inner
-
snow angel, what
-
Day is it
-
Snows day, only
-
happens once in
-
Hundred years, we're
-
not due heavy
-
Rain, but snow!
-
Wrong kind of?
-
What is it?
-
What is snow?
-
Mucky. Slushy. Slippery ;D
-
and very cold
-
But pretty when
-
it's lying, thick
-
Get the sledge
-
I'm on itttttttttt.......🛷🏂
-
You be careful!
-
Best wear a
-
Titty guard, it'll,
-
only cover my
-
Very petite frame
-
is buried in a drift :o [snow forecast in Scotland for 2morrow!]
-
I've no coat
-
no knickers or socks
-
Just a scarf
-
I'm going to
-
end up freezing
-
Can I borrow
-
Your coat please...🥶
-
Here, have mine
-
It's very warm
-
Funny colour though
-
Cow pat green? ;D
-
Yes, very unusual
-
Maybe we should
-
Stay away from
-
that coat, smelly
-
Can I have
-
A pretty pink
-
Duvet please. I'm
-
off to bed
-
Bed's been sold
-
as santa's sleigh >:( :o
-
What now then
-
Jump into yours ?
-
Not much room
-
Shove over then!
-
Oh all right
-
Don't put your
-
elbow there, ouch
-
Your feet are
-
cold, stop rubbing
-
Them up my :o
-
back !! Just move
-
But it's so
-
crowded in here
-
The dog doesn't
-
Like it either
-
Nor the ferret.
-
Who invited the ...
-
Johnny Depp impersonator?
-
and the vicar ??
-
We need a
-
A bigger bed
-
Or fewer people
-
Kick the vicar
-
Out because he
-
Is not so
-
Good at sharing
-
He's hogging all
-
Champagne and we
-
Deserve it more
-
We've been busy
-
Oh, the ferret ...
-
Where has it
-
Ended up then
-
Under my bed :o
-
With cake again
-
Ferrets like icecream 🍦
(well I knew some that did!)
-
so does the ...
-
Vicar,so we'd
-
Better go shopping
-
Harrods will do
-
delivery, if we
-
Pay the £40
-
Forget that, I'll
-
Go there myself
-
Will he like
-
Some cheaper ones
-
Like Battenberg, or
-
A swiss roll
-
Yes, all them
-
Plus chocolate covered
-
Raisins because he
-
Thinks that they
-
Will help with
-
;D ;D
The trouble he's
-
In with the
-
Supermarket because he
-
Pays for his
-
Purchases on HP
-
Oh no, I've
-
dropped the bags
-
What a mess
-
Where's the brush
-
pan, before I
-
Start though I'm
-
on the verge
-
Of applying for
-
A visa to
-
Visit foreign lands
-
I need to
-
Renew my passport
-
Do it soon.
-
Done it. Where
-
Are we going
-
Fancy somewhere hot?
-
And beautiful beach
-
Plenty food too!
-
And it's free!
-
Bahamas here we
-
Are you packed?
-
No not yet
-
Time's getting on
-
I'm only taking
-
my Vagifem and
-
My new bikini
-
Don't need anything
-
Else because I'll
-
find a wealthy..
-
Man. There are
-
A few out
-
That are available
-
Not too old
-
How old's old?
-
No older than
-
62 because then
-
He'll still be
-
Available for the
-
Football team. He
-
Plays in goal
-
Catching the balls....🤩
-
(Have you been on the sherry lol)
From the players
-
what about cheerleaders?
-
They are all
-
In the pub
-
No, not lately....high on life! 😏.
Singing and dancing
-
And drinking guiness
-
the landlord is
-
Also very drunk
-
and rude, he
-
Has just said
-
Hey ladies,want
-
To have fun :o
-
Doing what exactly?
-
Dirty Perv. I'll
-
Report him to
-
The vicar and
-
He will get
-
Him exorcised 🤷♀️ He
-
Lives near the
-
Old Church Yard
-
In a shack
-
With lots of
-
Hens and geese
-
Plus a donkey
-
Who's name is
-
Gloria. She has
-
Rings on her
-
Ears with diamonds
-
;D
Munches hay, happily
-
Watching the show
-
about Farming. BBC1 ;)
-
She gets excited
-
when she wins
-
Because she likes
-
Getting a red
-
rosette and ribbon
-
And a bucketloads
-
of peanut butter
-
She earns plenty
-
Giving the children
-
Everything they want
-
Including free rides
-
But she's pregnant
-
So no more
-
Running around after
-
Other 8 children
-
All those wellies!
-
sprayed them silver
-
With diamanté's on
-
And red bows
-
In her lovely
-
Pink padded stable
-
She also loves
-
Mr male donkey. 😆
-
🙄🙄🙄😂😆
That's why she's
-
Got earrings in........🥰
-
But he won't
-
Take the hint 🤷♀️
-
Rather eat hay
-
Than cuddle her......🤷♀️
-
His hooves get
-
Caught in the
-
Floaty scarf she
-
likes to wear!
(I cant believe we are discussing donkeys mating rituals!!!!! ???)
-
;D ;D
Keeps him away
-
From her neck (I can't believe we are talking about donkeys all this time)
-
Are we though? ;D ;D
Coz he bit
-
Her once and
-
Left his teeth
-
in her flank
-
Huge vets bill
-
Lots of stitches
-
She got better
-
With a lot
-
Of warm milk
-
And honey with
-
A dash of
-
Brandy. The other
-
Stable next door
-
Housed Mr Donkey
-
He's been moved.
-
Gone far away...😢
-
To the Beach?
-
Yes, he's loving
-
Paddling. Children. Galloping .
-
And ice cream.
-
We should go
-
To the funfair
-
On the rides?
-
Be kids again. 😉
-
Eat candy floss
-
And toffee apples
-
Dodgems. Look out
-
Behind you! Ouch!
-
Too late,my
-
Bottom is bruised
-
And I dropped
-
My brand new
-
tiara, it's landed
-
Right under the
-
Foot of a
-
Cardboard cut out
-
of Helen Mirren,
-
Playing the Queen....
-
I don't know
-
How to approach
-
without drawing attention
-
Think I'll put
-
The fire on
-
Have a snooze
-
then go undercover
-
To catch the
-
monkey that stole
-
My hat! It
-
ran off towards
-
The bouncy castle
-
I hear shouting
-
From the tent
-
He's took that
-
Money from the
-
Little girl, she's
-
Crying now,let's
-
Buy her some
-
Sausages and chips 🍟
-
Oh, she's going
-
For the salad
-
That's fine, better
-
For her but
-
I hate rabbit grub :D
-
Drinks are free
-
Yay,mines a
-
Coke. Lemon. No ice!
-
With a straw
-
And a bag
-
Of salty nuts.
-
In the bar?
-
Or in the
-
beach shelter with a view?
-
Beer in shelter?
-
With Cornish pasties?
-
And maybe a
-
Apple pie for
-
Snacking on, lets
-
Go skinny dipping
-
once sun sets
-
with Hugh Fernley-W?
-
No, the girls. 😄
-
No men allowed
-
Yay,we?ll get
-
Some snacks in
-
And some girlie
-
Stuff, like makeup,
-
And we?ll do
-
A make over
-
Then a party?
-
With a DJ ?
-
Fatboy slim? He's
-
Available and cheap
-
A bargain then
-
Love a bargain
-
I actually bought
-
Some flippers just 😂
-
In case I
-
Go diving off
-
The luxury yacht
-
Which is harboured
-
In Monte Carlo
-
Crew already waiting.
-
So we'd better
-
Get supplies in
-
And set sail
-
Ready for sunset
-
On the horizon
-
Waiting for sunrise
-
Bikini's are ready ;D
-
Teeth are cold
-
and the martini
-
Makes them chatter
-
I loves a good chatter ;D
-
Laughter and gossip
-
Cheers me up
-
If it's not
-
Too rude or
-
Definitely too serious
-
It'll be funny
-
Tomorrow because I'm
-
Doing a speech
-
In front of
-
HRH Princess Julie
-
Who's she then?
-
The wife of
-
Prince Herbert,don't
-
You know them?
-
Yes!! We?re besties
-
Been everywhere together.
-
We went to
-
Monaco, Malta, Margate. 😆
-
Sunshine. Scenery. Silence.
-
In that order
-
Got fed up
-
With us because
-
We took our
-
tights off in
-
The reception area
-
Then used them
-
As a sieve
-
To get the
-
Lumps from the
-
mash we had
-
Made on the
-
Aga stove top
-
with bangers; peas
-
Need some placemats
-
And napkins, it
-
is ready to eat
-
Lovely that was
-
Full of calories
-
Right what's next
-
I think we
-
Really need to
-
Go to church....
-
and look for
-
The Bride, she's
-
Disappeared and we
-
Have her dress......🙀
-
In the car
-
Maybe we should
-
Have a drink
-
first, then find
-
Another pub for
-
the bridesmaids to
-
Hey pants 👋😊
Feel comfortable,because
-
Hiya Pants....xx
They need a
-
wee, nice facilities
-
and a good
-
Hand dryer, now
-
Let's go back
-
Hey everyone xx
to the church
-
Because we?re supposed
-
To get the
-
Floors swept and
-
Clean the Alter.
-
Where's the pledge
-
In Jays pocket.....😆
-
Along with four
-
Chocolate Eclairs, she?ll
-
Waiiiiiitttttt a minute ??? ;D
Eat them then
-
Try and take
-
my chocolate hobnobs
-
Nooooooooooooo
away, crumb alert!
-
She's fiddling about
-
With milkybar buttons
-
I think she
-
sat on them
-
She's always eating
-
Crisps, chocolate, and
-
Caviar :P because she
-
Thinks she's posh...
-
She actually hates
-
Spending any money
-
And gets everyone
-
To bring her
-
Lavish gifts and
-
she always has
-
A bag of
-
Peanut M&Ms and
-
A flake in
-
her bra, even
-
Though she has
-
a nut allergy
-
and has been
-
To the supermarket
-
To ask for
-
antihistamines and creams
-
Quick, hide the
-
Car keys,then
-
She?ll have to
-
get a taxi
-
Or walk,she
-
Likes to drink
-
When she gets
-
her wig on
-
Looks like Judy
-
And her husband
-
Its so bad
-
That we can't
-
Whip it off......... ;D
-
it scares the
-
Cat next door
-
Who hides under
-
The ironing pile
-
Which is now
-
all over the
-
Spare bedroom floor
-
Leave it there?
-
We can sort
-
It out tomorrow
-
Whose going to
-
Call and see
-
whether the cat
-
Has been fed?
-
I can't go
-
Because I've got
-
A visitor due
-
A very important
-
Event is happening
-
And I'm in
-
a pickle as
-
I have no
-
Way of getting
-
A new pair
-
Of pink shoes
-
To go with
-
my evening dress
-
it's very sparkly
-
And I really
-
want to wear
-
My feather hat
-
But because I
-
Made it with
-
Pigeon feathers, it
-
Looks amazing but
-
Inside it, and
-
It really smells
-
But I haven't
-
Washed it yet
-
I'm sure I
-
Have another hat
-
One that's not
-
in a terrible
-
State! Maybe a
-
Tiara,then I?ll
-
Get mine its
-
What I wear
-
In the bath.
-
I drink champagne
-
And eat caviar 🤢🤢🤮🤮
-
Whilst soaking in
-
Ass's milk and
-
Honey, love the
-
Soft skin afterwards
-
I flake out
-
like Cleopatra herself ;D
-
I'm very classy
-
And my butler
-
Gets me fancy
-
Pastries from the
-
Shop in Paris
-
He steals them
-
Because I don't
-
Pay him enough
-
to afford his
-
Little luxuries, maybe
-
a chef would
-
Be better, but
-
He'd have to
-
Cook in the
-
Cellar because I
-
Keep the wine
-
By my bedside
-
In a wine-fridge
-
Because I like
-
a glug before
-
I take my
-
false eyelashes off
-
And put my
-
Eye mask on
-
Then I finish
-
Off with brandy
-
By which time
-
I'm absolutely sozzled
-
But sleep well
-
No need for
-
A wee because
-
I?ll just wee
-
In the empty
-
bottle, and hope
-
I don't dribble :o
-
Over the cat
-
or miss completely
-
And ruin the
-
Persian rug on
-
the marble floor
-
Maybe she should
-
wear a tena
-
Or maybe the
-
Potty would be
-
Better,then she
-
Could kneel down
-
And just grab
-
The cat out
-
Of the way
-
Sorted! How about
-
A spot of
-
Golf? Tennis? Monopoly?
-
What about strip
-
Poker? I'm good
-
But, the problem
-
With that is
-
I don't wear
-
Any knickers so
-
I'm going to
-
Be losing already
-
Maybe I should
-
Just get drunk
-
With my boyfriend
-
Might get married
-
If he plays
-
His poker right. 🥳
-
(Hi jillydoll 👋)
He always gets
-
Some money for
-
Playing his flute
-
In the shopping-centre
-
He's not very
-
Good but he
-
Tries very hard
-
But sounds like
-
an enchanted melody
-
That's gone wrong
-
Or a cat
-
That's crying for
-
Maybe he should
-
Play something else
-
Up, headache looming
-
I've took it
-
Off him,so
-
He can start
-
Doing the garden
-
Instead,that should
-
Sort him out
-
And stop him
-
Making ear bending
-
noises inside the
-
Villa in Spain
-
He's Sun bathing
-
In his little
-
Mankini, he loves
-
;D
It,thinks the
-
Colour brings out
-
But it actually
-
Looks like a
-
Lots of scribble
-
He's got a
-
Degree in calligraphy
-
and very poor
-
Parents so they
-
Can't afford to
-
Buy his nibs
-
Or the ink
-
He?ll have to
-
Sell some clothes
-
or maybe his
-
Tatooist will do
-
some colouring in
-
To make him
-
look even more
-
Like a big
-
Wrestler, like the
-
Ones on TV
-
Big muscles and
-
And even bigger
-
No you can't
-
;D
But I was
-
thinking it, again! ;D ;D
-
Can't help it...
-
I'm a very
-
Imaginative person but
-
Sometimes gets me
-
Into a lot
-
Of trouble with
-
the police and
-
My husband. He
-
Says I am
-
An attention seeker
-
And very naughty
-
Always getting into
-
Next doors shed
-
and nicking all
-
Their toilet rolls :o
-
and bottles of
-
Hand sanitizer, he
-
is prepared - Armageddon ;D
-
So they say..........😆
-
Better buy a
-
White suit and
-
To drink in
-
The bath tomorrow
-
Before I go
-
For my replacement
-
Big knickers, they
-
All blew away
-
In that gale
-
Ended up near
-
Buckingham Palace, the
-
Her size too
-
Said could she
-
Keep them, budget
-
Is very tight
-
She might have
-
To borrow some
-
Money off Mr
-
Scrooge, you know
-
the one with
-
that strange thingey...........
-
In his shed
-
The thing that
-
Makes animals screech
-
What is it
-
Nobody know because
-
it's under lock
-
has it that
-
It landed here
-
In a balloon 🎈
-
It sleeps when
-
it's daylight and
-
Then comes out
-
once it's dark
-
Hound of the
-
Basket Meals cafe
-
Is where he
-
Gets food for
-
his mother-in-law who
-
Eats a lot
-
Of rubbish,she
-
Cracks nuts with
-
And opens bottles
-
With her teeth 🦷
-
Nice woman though
-
Very interesting life
-
She used to
-
Be an MP
-
but got caught
-
Up to no
-
Good with Mrs
-
May, together they
-
Went thoroughly through
-
On roller skates
-
Grabbing their favourite
-
Sweeties on the
-
run, then it
-
Turned out, she'd
-
She donated them
-
to those suffering
-
With a sugar
-
deficiency to enjoy
-
She's so thoughtful
-
But she asked
-
For some money
-
For a taxi
-
To take her
-
To the circus
-
Can check her
-
Talents,she's very
-
Agile and she
-
try high wire
-
Balancing with fire 🔥
-
All the men
-
adore her, but
-
Stay away because
-
SHE IS HOT !
-
plenty of passion
-
And lust going
-
big time, but
-
There's a problem
-
She can't get
-
Any toilet roll
-
;D ;D
So she's just
-
Using large leaves
-
But she'd better
-
be careful because
-
Only two leaves
-
left and then
-
She?ll have to
-
Use the lettuce
-
Watch out for
-
the seeds though
-
Need those for
-
When we run
-
Out of food
-
We?ll plant them
-
At the allotment
-
With tomato's and
-
onions, carrots and
-
peas, not sure
-
About grapes though
-
Could make wine
-
And sell it
-
Or drink it
-
Yes but you
-
Need to be
-
I?ll chance it
-
I'm made of
-
Iron and steel
-
Tin man is
-
On his holidays
-
Hope he's got
-
Can of oil
-
To fry his
-
Onions. He likes
-
Them with some
-
Burnt sausages, on
-
A bed of
-
Cabbage, Potatoes and
-
Tripe🤢 he loves
-
Trotters too, boils
-
them along with
-
His underpants and
-
grubby tea towels
-
I'm sure he?ll
-
Enjoy his meal
-
It might taste
-
Funny but he?ll
-
With the whiskey
-
He stole from
-
My kitchen cupboard
-
I hope he
-
Drinks sensibly because
-
he becomes inebriated
-
Very quickly and
-
He needs to
-
watch what he
-
Says as he
-
can be rather
-
foul mouthed to
-
Old ladies and
-
His neighbours so
-
He drinks tea
-
Very occasionally when
-
There's nothing else
-
in the cupboard
-
But today however
-
In the garage
-
How long has
(Like your new pic littleminnie)
-
He been on
-
The dreadful stuff
-
Since he had
-
a encounter with
-
my mother/sisters!
-
He's never recovered
-
neither have I ;D
-
;D Yes but you?re
-
Looking for trouble
-
And you always
-
;D
In tune with
-
The national anthem
-
wow, what talent!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
X Factor beckoning
-
You?ll win doing
-
My best number
-
wearing a tight
-
Leotard with bright
-
Green bobbles on
-
The front with
-
Some matching tassels
-
And fairy lights
-
Looks absolutely stunning
-
and will get
-
A few awards
-
Take some selfies
-
If I can
-
My phone is
-
So complicated,I
-
Don't understand it
-
Fell down toilet
-
;D you or the phone
I'm very upset
-
;D ;D
Because now it's
-
:o
So I'm not
-
Very happy but
-
I'll get another
-
Just ordered it
-
Bet it's really
-
Expensive with all
-
Bells and whistles
-
Probably won't know
-
How it works
-
You'll soon learn
-
In a few
-
Weeks when the
-
Lockdown is over
-
Then you can
-
Book some holidays
-
relax without always
-
Being scared someone
-
Get too close
-
Garden centre trip
-
Visit art galleries
-
A pub lunch
-
It's your round!
-
But I've no
-
Money with me
-
I have idea. 😉
-
One of us
-
Treats us all!
-
Big pockets anyone? 😆
-
No but because
-
You have won
-
The National Lottery
-
You?ll be paying?
-
Lost the money! 😢
-
No, it's here!
(Hi jillydoll 👋)
-
You must've hidden
-
it in the
-
Secret compartment in
-
Hi Joaniepat. 👋🏼 😉
Your knickers, the
-
Large ones from
-
Tents r us ;D
-
You've got some?
-
Yes,they?re a
-
Very pretty pink
-
hold everything in
-
Even my youknowwhat. 😆
-
Your fat bottom?😂 ;D
-
;D Ooh how rude!
-
;D
She?ll probably try
-
To squeeze it
-
Into tiny little
-
Bulges, looking good! 🧟♀️
-
Matter of opinion ::)
-
Boosts her confidence
-
She looks great
-
I'm not sure
-
Think she needs
-
A larger size
-
Let's go shopping 👍🏻
-
Okay, where to?
-
Fantasy island,there's
-
Everything you've ever
-
Wanted,all the
-
Sizes and styles
-
Shops all open
-
They make a
-
Fabulous latte with
-
Chocolate sprinkles on
-
We must have
-
Designer knickers, theyre
-
So much nicer
-
Silk, lace and
-
Some pretty little
-
Diamant?'s on them
-
Adds some glamour
-
And sophistication, its
-
Expensive, but what
-
Do I care
-
But they itch
-
That's not good
-
Maybe we should
-
buy her different
-
Ones,nice big
-
Ones with pockets
-
So she can
-
To stuff herself
-
When everyone is
-
Looking the other
-
way, the view
-
Is actually stunning
-
Take a photo
-
Make it snappy
-
Too late, she's
-
Fallen asleep again
-
well until the
-
Music starts, then
-
She'll start dancing
-
On the tables
-
Knocking over all
-
Our drinks and
-
And flashing her
-
Bits and pieces
-
Because she's flashing
-
Her new knickers
-
More like string
-
What a sight
-
Yeah, but she
-
Needs a haircut
-
But she?ll have
-
To wait because
-
The hairdresser has
-
Robbing a bank
-
to feed the goldfish
-
who were slowly
-
Getting fed up
-
With swimming in
-
murky water: hungry
-
So she bought
-
The very best
-
Pyrex dish to
-
Cook a lovely
-
;D
On the tail
-
🤢
That was tough 😲
-
I?ll need to
-
Wash up now
-
Because that was
-
The most disgusting
-
Thing since I
-
Tried to eat
-
My home grown
-
Onion and rhubarb
-
Mashed potato pie
-
It wasn't great
-
But never mind
-
Was better than
-
Nothing at all
-
Feel sick now
-
Eaten to much
-
Where's the brandy
-
what, brandy snaps?? ;D
-
Yes,stuffed with
-
Whipped cream, yummy!
-
And the sickness?
-
In the bucket! 🤮. 😬
-
With a hole
-
Yuk,it's going
-
On my shoes
-
they are new
-
Jimmy choos,what
-
will i wear???
-
Trainers, cool, comfortable
-
or chic and
-
Shabby with old
-
Vintage jewellery,like
-
Liz Taylor's. classy.
-
Shall we sell
-
That massive diamond?
-
But we sold
-
The Rolex last
-
Week and got
-
Only a few
-
Thousand for it
-
Not enough for
-
That trip you
-
Have booked to
-
Lala land. You?ll
-
Just have to
-
Cancel first class
-
And go in
-
With the common ;D
-
People, who only
-
Like to sit
-
And pick their
-
Nuts out of
-
THEIR SHELLS!!! And
;D ;D
-
ping them at
-
All the other
-
😂🤣
People on board.
-
Stop,or we?ll
-
use water pistols
-
Haven't got any
-
Water,so will
-
use wine instead?
-
Bit expensive for
-
A water gun
-
But we could
-
Make our wine
-
from red grapes
-
From our vineyard
-
With our feet 🦶
-
Mmmm lovely squelching
-
It?ll be best
-
You've ever had
-
Shall we sell
-
It for five
-
Million pounds or
-
Rent it out
-
Sell, sell, sell.
-
Make a mint
-
Then we can
-
Buy the boat?
-
Or a submarine
-
A yellow one?
-
;D
but without beetles ;)
-
I'll second that!
-
I'd rather listen
-
To the Stones
-
Being thrown by
-
The onlookers who
-
Like Paul Simon
-
Whoever they are. 🤷♀️
-
They must be 🤷♀️ ;D
-
😂
Ready with their
-
Plasters and germalene
-
Because them stones
-
cut my feet
-
So put some
-
Shoe's on now
-
Which ones?The
-
Ones from Primark?
-
No the other
-
Sparkly purple ones! :crutch:
-
Which I got
-
when high heels
-
We?re fashionable, trouble
-
Is, I can't
-
stand up straight
-
For my birthday.
-
Too much booze?
-
Only had 6
-
Pints of gin
-
And ten pints
-
Of Cointreau,that's
-
All before i
-
Start on the
-
Green stuff, it's. 😂
-
rather addictive, makes
-
You imagine you?re
-
The local farmer
-
He is handsome 🤡
-
Has a huge ;D
-
Plot of land
-
Where he takes
-
Pretty, naughty girls
-
To look at
-
All his pigs
-
Do they wrestle?
-
In the mud?
-
Yes, in tiny........😆
-
Wellies because their
-
Trotters have some
-
Very strange marks
-
Tattoo's I think.
-
Maybe done by
-
Prince Charles and
-
Camilla,they both
-
Absolutely love tattoos
-
Covered in them....😆
-
Head to toe
-
Naughty ones on.
-
the body aswell
-
Charles has got
-
A plant on
-
His hairy chest
-
Of weeping willow
-
And camilla has
-
A dandelion because
-
She drinks dandelion
-
Cocktails every day
-
Lucky her, wish
-
I had time
-
But I'm busy
-
Cleaning my house ;D
-
What no cleaner
-
Can't afford one
-
With your millions
-
Spent it all
-
On fast cars
-
And a villa
-
On an island
-
With sunshine all
-
All day long
-
White sandy beaches
-
Lovely blue seas
-
A sangria and
-
Good looking man
-
Brings your drinks
-
Rubs suntan lotion
-
All over your 😳
-
Feet, because they?ll
-
Are his fetish
-
He's very weird
-
But mine stink! 🤮
-
Nail fungal and
-
Foot infection which
-
Turns green in
-
The hot weather
-
And attracts all
-
The ants and
-
Fleas. But im
-
Going to buy
-
Them flippers I
-
Swim with dolphins
-
They don't mind
-
Because I give
-
Them their favourite
-
Sweeties, fish sticks. 😋
-
I love those
-
Me too, but
-
Give me indigestion
-
I?ll need rennies
-
And a stiff
-
Shot of brandy
-
Before I venture
-
To the shops
-
Got loadsa money
-
Because of lockdown
-
Can't go out
-
meet a friend
-
Have a coffee
-
With high heels
-
Watching lots TV
-
and doing housework
-
But I must
-
stop for breath,
-
Because soon I'm
-
Going to rest
-
I'm going to
-
The most beautiful
-
Lake in the
-
Land, it's called
-
Lake Louise, Canada
-
You been there?
-
Yes,every day
-
For 2 weeks
-
it's where Mr
-
Smith was conceived
-
As in Will? ;D
-
Yes! Like him
-
Only blonde hair. ;D
-
He's dyed it
-
Looks terrible, but
-
The new mop
-
And red bucket
-
But his moustache
-
has colourful braids
-
With beads in
-
But during lockdown
-
He's had trouble
-
With his freezer
-
it's full of
-
Ice cubes, ready
-
To soak his
-
Feet in, but
-
There's a hole
-
In his socks
-
Where a mouse
-
Nibbled through it
-
Now his toe
-
Is hanging out
-
And it's got
-
Tattoos of little
-
Ants on it
-
But wait that's
-
The actor from
-
Star Trek, what's
-
He doing in
-
A paddling pool.
-
Oh he's lost
-
His beach ball
-
Not again, that's
-
Four times today
-
Order some more
-
velcro: for the ball
-
And then he
-
sticks them together
-
Around his waist
-
Whoops. Took off :D
-
Now it's hovering
-
Above swimming pool :o
-
The plan is
-
To run and
-
Hide in the
-
chamomile lawn, quietly
-
Lying,watching the
-
swallows flying and
-
Drinking my wine
-
With strawberries and
-
Vanilla ice cream
-
reading a book
-
listening to birdsong
-
painting my nails
-
Toes and fingers ?
"swallows flying and ........ drinking my wine " ;D
-
Of course both
-
10 different colours?
-
Why so many
-
Because I want
-
a rainbow effect
-
Did they dry?
-
Got smudged by
-
a huge butterfly
-
fluttering to flowers
-
But then a
-
Big bee came
-
And stung my
-
Dog so I'm
-
beside myself and
-
Now I?ll have
-
A huge bill
-
I won't pay. :(
-
Because I'm broke!
-
I?ll have to
-
Rob a bank
-
I?ll help you
-
bring a disguise 8)
-
Of a clown?
-
But they scare
-
The dog, so
-
will rethink that
-
Ok no disguise
-
Just our natural
-
No makeup faces. 🥴
-
Very suntanned though
-
Looking bloody good! 👹
-
Ready for anything
-
Let's get going
-
Okay! Where to?
-
Home Bargains, I ;D
-
;D ;D ;D
it's my favourite
-
I buy all
-
The cheapest bottles
-
Of red wine
-
Drink a couple
-
Of glasses and
-
Start dancing with
-
The shop assistants
-
& the kilted coaches (google them!!) ;D ;)
-
Phrrrr, 😜. 😂
They know how
-
:banana: :great: :lol:
to command attention
-
:madeyes: :party09:
Oh my, they?re
-
reigniting hot flushes!!! ;D ;D
-
Quick,get me
-
Some ice packs
-
Where's the freezer
-
In the barn
-
Not where the
-
Horse manure is
-
Afraid so,you?ll
-
have to be
-
Careful where you
-
Put your handbag
-
Too late, its
-
In the s..t
-
Paid 2k for it
-
Anyone got some
-
Anti bac wipes
-
They?re in the
-
Handbag. Go and
-
Get a bucket
-
Okay where from
-
the stable girl
-
Can't, she's with
-
The stable boy
-
In the hay
-
loft. Get the
-
Hose out and
-
Fire full blast
-
Trying to avoid
-
My new glass
-
has sentimental value
-
Oops, missed, it's
-
Hit the rabbit
-
He loves it. ;D
-
He thinks he's
-
Having a shower. 😆
-
He has radox
-
That will make
-
Him squeaky clean
-
and ache less
-
He also uses
-
Brut, after shave
-
:D Expensive taste then
-
But he smells
-
Like a wet
-
Dog. Let's buy
-
Old spice, that's 😆
-
Going to make
-
Him a hottie
-
That's another classic :o
-
Have you seen the advert.... :madeyes:
Oh but so
-
Nice, especially when
-
Splashed all over ;D
-
I'm inclined to
-
Use it myself
-
A little drop
-
Behind my ears
-
on a Saturday ::)
-
So I smell :o
-
Only a little
-
Like a goddess. 🧛🏼♀️
-
Wouldn't go that far :D
-
Ok, tell truth,
-
Really? Shall I
-
Tell you what
-
Let's forget it
-
And get drunk
-
Good idea, anyone
-
I'm in. What
-
About my problem :-\
-
I can't take
-
alcohol at all!
-
??? We?ll drink yours ;D
-
;D You can have
-
A sausage roll ;D
-
with ketchup, maybe?!
-
And some chips :)
-
With fish to
-
Fill me up
-
With a drizzle
-
Of mayo because
-
I don't like
-
Ketchup,makes me
-
Mayo it is
-
salad cream? please!
-
With bread too
-
Chip butties then
-
Or fishfinger sandwiches
-
Let's have both
-
With trifle afterwards.
-
If we eat
-
It all we
-
Can then get
-
A candy floss. 😉
-
And toffee apples
-
Where from though?
-
We could make
-
Some but can't
-
Get the apples
-
that are best
-
Let's not bother
-
Yeah,we'll just
-
Drink alcohol instead
-
Any in particular?
-
Mines a pint ;D ;D (common as muck me )
-
Nibbles with that
-
Cheesy biscuits please
-
Cheese and crackers?
-
digestives, butter, cheese!! :P
-
Oatcakes and syrup ;D
-
Followed by, a
-
Lemon meringue pie
-
With clotted cream
-
Won't we get
-
A little fat?
-
Who cares, its
-
Jelly belly day ;D
-
What a sexy
-
Bunch we are
-
Even though we
-
Are booked to
-
Have a haircut
-
A colour too.
-
Highlights for me
-
relaxing wash & blowdry.
-
Maybe get our
-
nails manicured while
-
Someone massages our 😳
-
shoulders, neck, head
-
Then off to
-
put feet in bowl
-
Of ice water
-
with soft bubbles
-
To help with
-
cooling down. Then?
-
strawberries and cream.
-
Remembering Wimbledon Sunday?
-
In the rain
-
With my umbrella
-
I got drenched
-
Started to shiver
-
My knees trembling
-
Rain dripping off
-
My chin like
-
An old tap. 🚰
-
What a sight
-
Hope I don't
-
Get a cold
-
She's got one
-
Of those new
-
Face masks on
-
Big improvement,as
-
Like a Walrus.
-
It hides everything
-
Also that big
-
Hairy lip mole
-
Which itches like
-
Crazy when I
-
Drink milk shake ;D
-
Without a straw
-
Doesn't make noises
-
Waaaaaaaa who the hell is that? ;D
Because it's a
-
Noise reducing straw
-
Made from cardboard
-
A bit leaky
-
Though,I'll need
-
A drip tray
-
And a bib
-
With a tray beneath?
-
Yes,then I
-
Will be happy
-
Because after I've
-
Got married i
-
Will have a
-
A better surname
-
As now,it's
-
cause of jokes
-
What is it?
-
Can't tell you
-
I'll sulk if
-
I tell you
-
You will laugh
-
Me? Nooooooo,so
-
Come on, tell
-
Well,ok,it's
-
it's changing to
-
Duchess of munchkins.
-
;D
That sounds very
-
posh, but isn't
-
the yellow brick road?
-
route to nearest pub?!
-
Yes, along the
-
Seafront and turn
-
Down the hill
-
Singing gently. Swaying?
-
I will be
-
Skipping with my
-
three kangaroos?
-
Or maybe my
-
3 koala bears
-
Holding they're hands
-
(How many hands have you got ;D)
Because they don't
-
Walk easily on the ground
-
Maybe you should
-
Get a buggy
-
They?re heavy though
-
And smell of eucalyptus
-
which makes them
-
Attract the flies
-
Let's ditch that
-
And go to
-
a warm bath
-
With scented bubbles
-
And plastic duck 😃
-
;D. [I've 3 in our pond ............ :whist: ]
with yellow beak
-
The boilers broken
-
It will have
-
to be replaced
-
But no money
-
You'll have to
-
Sell that old
-
Grandma's mangle: rare?
-
I sold that
-
copper jam pan
-
nooo, sell hideous
-
steaming irons and trivet
-
No one irons. 🤷♀️
-
They get their
-
Housekeeper to iron
-
even their smalls
-
They also make
-
The butler do
-
The food shop
-
Don't forget wine
-
Oh he won't
-
He guzzles two
-
Bottles a day
-
Then he has
-
A small nightcap
-
Of Olive oil . :o
-
To keep himself
-
Oiled and mobile
-
Ready for action
-
It works because
-
It's good lubrication. 😉
-
Slide and glide
-
That's my motto
-
Because I had
-
A bad experience
-
Once,with a :o
-
;D
Scotch egg, it
-
Got lodged in :o ;D
-
The down spout
-
off the roof
-
Caused no end
-
Leaks and now
-
It smells really
-
bad, has anyone
-
got something to
-
Get this nail
-
Out of the
-
Water pipe, its
-
It's like a fountain.
-
We could make
-
Our own oasis
-
I can’t help
-
I'm allergic to
-
All types of
-
Trees and leaves
-
We can use
-
That small tractor
-
Who will drive
-
It, its very
-
Big and has
-
A hard seat. 😲
-
Want a cushion?
-
Is it silk?
-
No,mohair,so
-
Do you want it or not ;D
If you do
-
;D ;D ;D
Sit on it
-
And be quiet
-
😲🙀
Ok then, don't 😢
-
Start with me
-
I'm a judo
-
Expert and I'll
-
Sort you out 🤼♀️
-
Why are you
-
Looking so youthful?
-
using rain water
-
To wash in
-
From water butt
-
But there's dead
-
Ants in it
-
They’re good for
-
Exfoliating the dead
-
Skin on your
-
bare feet and legs
-
They like to
-
Jump in and
-
Attack attack attack
-
Fleas! Fleas! Fleas!
-
Itch, itch, ouch! 😡
-
Now I'm covered
-
Pass the bite-cream
-
And be quick
-
Because I'm starting
-
Work very soon.
-
Look like a
-
Flea-bitten old
-
Teddy bear. I'll
-
Be better when
-
I've pulled the
-
Bits of fluff
-
Off my nose
-
And brushed my
-
Husband hairy back
-
And tied ribbons
-
Bouncy castle that
-
He sits on
-
For his meals
-
Makes a right
-
Fool of himself
-
Throwing meatballs into
-
next doors garden
-
For their dog
-
In the birdbath
-
Birds love them
-
They make big
-
traps for cats
-
So they can
-
Watch their efforts
-
By training them
-
to lick ice-cream
-
Covered in dreamies
-
And fish sauce
-
But be careful
-
their breath stinks ;D
-
And their wind
-
Will make you
-
Run away and
-
Sniff smelling salts
-
I feel woozy
-
Think I've sniffed
-
Enough for today
-
Start again tomorrow
-
Although, I'm going
-
To the library
-
Get a book
-
That smells musty
-
About The Romans. 🤷♀️
-
Didn't like that
-
I'd prefer to
-
Look at pictures.
-
Of good looking
-
Greek gods who
-
use their muscles
-
To lift sacks
-
Of potatoes for
-
Their potato competition
-
Wins every year
-
But this year
-
They've been beaten
-
by the Romans
-
Can’t console him
-
He's thrown his
-
Previous medals in
-
the sea, but
-
deep sea divers
-
Have been sent
-
To find them
-
but the sharks
-
Are very hungry
-
though basking sharks
-
Are sometimes slow
-
And don't like
-
to be hurried
-
Because they cant
-
Be bothered with
-
Moving that quickly
-
A leisurely swim
-
Does the trick
-
before they go
-
Off to bed
-
With a nightcap
-
And a cigarette
-
Helps them relax
-
Didn't know sharks
-
could smoke under water
-
;D
Yes,they have
-
Little air pockets
-
To put the
-
Lit end in
-
and then they
-
Can inhale all
-
The strong nicotine
-
They are trying
-
To quit but
-
Have given up
-
So many things
-
Stress them out
-
Like! Humans and
-
chimpanzees and gorillas
-
(I’ve no idea what we are talking about ;D)
Who eat their
-
five a day! ;D
-
They also like
-
peanut butter sandwiches.
-
With a banana. 😆
-
not with jelly?
-
yes, that too
-
No wonder they're
-
(Are we still speaking about sharks here? ;D )
They swim so
-
Fast, it's the
-
Flatulence that propels
-
Them to move
-
Amazing to watch
-
not great smell ;D ;D
-
Better put a
-
Plug in their
-
Kitchen sink then
-
(Is that a euphemism ;D )
That will stop
-
The smelly aroma
-
Wafting through the
-
Door next to
-
My coffee shop
-
Turns milk sour. 😖
-
It's even worse
-
when I drink
-
Tomato juice with
-
My Guinea pig
-
Because he likes
-
The pips, but
-
The downside is
-
His fur has
-
A pink tinge
-
Maybe I should
-
Spray some glitter
-
On his nose
-
to hide the
-
Scratches caused by
-
His fight with
-
my neighbours cat
-
It might sting
-
Quite a bit
-
So I might
-
cool it first
-
By dipping him
-
In an ice-bath
-
Up to his
-
baby blue eyes
-
He won't be
-
Very happy but
-
I will put
-
Some treats out
-
He especially likes
-
Toasted marshmallows with
-
Carrots and lettuce
-
Covered in mayo
-
Washed down with
-
A small sherry
-
And a dash
-
Of lime juice
-
Served in a
-
Long tall glass
-
With ice cubes
-
Shaken, not stirred
-
He’s very fussy
-
He won't drink
-
Anything that doesnt
-
Have an umbrella
-
Or a sparkler
-
In it, he
-
Has been known
(shall we publish this as a children's story?! 😂)
-
(No,we'd be arrested ;D )
To spend a
-
Fortune on small
-
Bikinis that are
-
a little revealing
-
But he has
-
Decided to wait
-
To wear it
-
Because the weather
-
Has turned rather
-
Cold, and his
-
Toes have turned
-
Into lumps of
-
Ice so instead
-
he threw on
-
Some more logs
-
And poured another
-
brandy with ice
-
one wasn't enough
-
And he became
-
asleep on the patio
-
propped up against
-
A water pitcher
-
And he snores
-
like a congested
-
Warthog with a
-
Sock in his
-
deviated septum, but
-
He doesn't mind
-
He quite likes
-
Scaring off the
-
gnats, mosquitos and
-
Next door's little
-
raging mad squirrels
-
Who are trying
-
2 take washing off the line :D
-
They need his
-
Little dungarees and
-
warm winter sweater
-
So that they
-
keep toasty warm
-
In the autumn
-
kicking leaves in the wood
-
And burying their
-
not going to say nuts, not going to say .......
And burying their - Winter stores for
-
The party they
-
Are planning for
-
With all their
-
socially distanced buddies
-
Plenty of alcopops
-
& peanut butter sandwiches
-
With extra nuts
-
He likes eating
-
In a treehouse
-
At the top
-
Of an immense
-
Oak tree in
-
His back garden
-
with a view
-
Of all the
-
Mountains with beautiful
-
Sunsets in the
((I want to live with this squirrel!)
-
Evening, just when
I thought we were talking about a guinea pig (not that it matters)
-
I can't even follow this story properly, there's no hope!
Just when - he's about to
-
take a photo [I'm with you Jane50 and the squirrel ;D]
-
A big ugly
(Was sharks not that long ago ;D )
-
caterpillar: large moth :o
-
Came from behind
-
And landed on
-
a water lily
-
And began to
-
Dance with a
-
blue damselfly: gently
-
In the wind
-
But then, sadly
-
He dropped his
-
Defence and was
-
Captured by a
-
frog who was
-
Very very hungry
-
so he gobbled
-
Up the unsuspecting
-
Insect. Right let’s
-
Carry on walking
-
Through the forest
-
See if we
-
can dig up
-
Some truffles and
-
make some money
-
To buy some
-
New shoes for
-
Their wedding day
-
Only 30 guests
-
Allowed, no more
-
And they all
-
Must go home
-
Dead on midnight
-
Or else they
-
Will turn into
-
Pumpkins or maybe
-
zombie squash that
-
Come to life
-
And terrorise the
-
Entire forest of
-
Deer that like
-
To dance in
-
wellie boots and
-
pink tutus: happily
-
enjoying the music
-
with various friends
-
Including the little
-
joyful wombats that
-
Love to sing
-
while standing in
-
In a circle
-
Holding hands and
-
Dancing round maypole
-
dressed in colourful
-
outfits, shoes, bags
-
Whilst all around
-
us, everyone is
-
Laughing very loudly
-
Because one of
-
The two threw
-
baked beans everywhere :o
-
Which unfortunately landed
-
in their hair
-
What a mess!
-
What will they
-
Do, wash it?
-
They don't have
-
Any shampoo,so
-
So instead they
-
Used washing-up liquid
-
And the bubbles
-
stung their eyes
-
So they are
-
Wearing sunglasses till
-
It rains, then
-
It will wash
-
The pain away
-
Oh no, they're
-
Stealing the neighbours
-
Gnomes, 🙀 what do
-
they want gnomes for ;D
...... what do - people paint them
-
;D
To sell on
-
a car-boot sale
-
Or on eBay
-
They cost £Ks :o
-
Especially the ones
-
With red hats [R we still on gnomes ;D]
-
And fishing rods
(I think so! ;D)
-
People collect them
-
Some hate them
-
They scare me
-
With the money
-
That they make
-
They buy vodka
-
Then drink all night
-
Sounds like a plan! ;D ;D
In the morning
-
They're all lying
-
On their backs
-
Surrounded by their
-
teddies, dollies, prams
-
With a headache.
-
and sore eyes
-
And no idea
-
What day it is
-
or their names
-
Maybe they need more oestrogen! ;D ;D
..... So they decided
-
;D ;D
hair of the dog
-
And opened another
-
Big bottle of
-
pink bubble bath
-
But there’s no
-
Bath,what are
-
They going to
-
Do? No bubbles
-
Borrow a bath?
-
Or use the
-
One in B&Q
-
And fill it
-
From the tap
-
In the garden-centre
-
Water will run out :o
-
Oh, well we’ll
-
Have to use
-
Bottled water then
-
garden holding barrel
-
Nice soft rainwater
-
for washing hair
? how is the arm Joaniepat?
-
And watering garden
CLKD it's getting better all the time thanks 😊
-
camellia; azaeleas and
that's good Joaniepat 8)
-
All my dandelions
-
full of bees
-
buzzing and flying
-
And collecting nectar
-
for the apiary
-
and golden honey
-
To sell in
-
the village shop
-
£8 a jar
-
£1 for returns
-
The shopkeeper is
-
Sometimes a little
-
heavy handed with the scoop
-
Because he’s hungover
-
From his stag
-
Do in the
-
depths of winter
-
Beer and cider
-
Song and Ale
-
Created a great
-
Afternoon out for
-
whistling and singing
-
Then back to
-
writing more music
-
to entertain the
-
Troops in Antarctica
-
;D ;D
And the penguins
-
Huddled together around
-
Their fish finger barbecue
-
warming their flippers
-
But look out
-
The barbecue is
-
Being taken away
-
by polar bears! ;D >:(
-
:rofl:
in white coats
-
?not in disguise ;D
-
those large paws
give them away
-
;D ;D
The bears have...
(escaped from the Arctic! ;D)
-
long white teeth :o
-
sparkle in the sun
(they use Colgate!!) ;D ;D
-
With fish mouthwash. ;D
-
Special haddock flavour
-
keeps away the
-
Killer whales and
-
flies: krill: spratts
-
So they csn
-
Be rest assured
-
They won't need
-
Chewing gum to
-
kill the taste
-
of expired fish sticks
-
They also need
-
mayonnaise; knife; fork
-
To enjoy their
-
special fish supper!!
-
Let's go swimming?
-
Skinny dipping : cold!
-
If you like
-
I'm not scared
-
You should be
-
in a warm towel
-
Afterwards to stop
-
The eels getting
-
between my toes :o
-
Need some wellies
-
Black or pink?
-
Shocking pink with
-
green daisies and
-
A big rosette
-
with large ribbon
-
The mental image... ;D
To match the
-
One I have
-
On my head
-
Anybody got any
-
Hair Grips to
yep Jane - mental images are good ;D
-
Secure it to
-
My French knot
-
I'm going to
-
take a photo
-
And send it
-
National Geographic and
-
Ask for some
-
Money to cover
-
All my new
-
Purchases, I got
-
then with the
-
Rest, I'll give
-
It to the
-
Women's wild association.
-
So they can
-
Have wild parties 🥳
-
Every year they
-
Like to celebrate
-
with wine, cheese
-
Grapes, and popcorn
-
Followed by liqueurs
-
Dancing round an old oak tree ;)
-
With fairy lights
-
and disco ball ;D
-
Which gives off
-
Magical rays of
-
rainbows and glitter
-
Transports you to
-
A place where
-
Nobody else goes
-
Where you can
-
dance until your
-
HRT runs out ;D :cancan:
-
Then when it
-
Gets windy, you
-
Can make a
-
Kite, out of
-
Bamboo, tissue paper and string
-
For the children
-
To fly off
-
Piers head in
-
Halloween outfits, to
-
Scare all the
-
People dancing at
-
the end of
-
The ship that's
-
In lockdown because
-
It has nowhere
-
to dock safely
-
Since the Captain
-
Ran off with
-
One of the
-
crew, they went
-
To Indonesia for
-
For a bit :o
-
Of nookie, but
-
Didn’t go to plan
-
Firstly the bed
-
Was to hard
-
so no bounce :bed: ;D
-
She had a
-
Drawer full of
(Dare ya Jill,dare ya ;D)
-
New bed springs
-
to replace bounce ;D
-
so they enjoyed
-
beautiful sunsets and
-
no back ache
-
skinny dipping gently
-
In the canal
-
Trying not to
-
wade through mud [YUK duck/swan/coot poo ]
-
glamerous wellies on ;D (do you get such a thing?)
-
[in childrens' sizes - like alligators ]
with thick socks
-
😂 would I ? 😆
And lacy thongs. ;D
-
With black suspenders ;D
-
What a sight
-
Love handles wobbling
-
In the breeze
-
hair poking out
-
from under bobble
-
Boobs bobbing about
-
under her t-shirt
-
She stole from
-
Marks and spencer
-
She also stole
-
Lots of cakes
-
She can't help
-
looking glam for a thief!! ;D ;D ;D
-
That's because she
-
Is very famous
-
huge bank balance
-
Lots of noughts
-
always willing to
-
give to charity
-
And give some
-
to the neighbours
-
To say thanks
-
For all their
-
Patience with her
-
Ongoing problem with
-
Noise coming from
-
The printing press
-
Where she photoshops
-
her signed photos
-
And the dollars
-
She makes fraudulently
-
Pretending to be
-
a famous musician
-
She plays the
-
Violin quite good
-
Does it behind
-
The shed in
-
the school yard [oh, that was ciggies ;D ]
-
under the swings
-
Anywhere she can
-
Fit her big
-
Chest in, she’s
-
Famous for her
-
wicked dress sense
-
Low cut tops
-
Even in winter
-
She'll catch a
-
Fly down that
-
Cleavage if she's
-
Not careful then
-
She will need
-
A Venus flytrap
-
:rofl:
That should work!
(hi jillydoll 👋)
-
Hello Joanipat. How you doing? 👋🏼
Because she knows
-
I'm OK thanks 👍, and you?
a thing or two
-
About horticulture and
-
Yeah I'm ok, thanx. xx
How to grow
-
The special plants
-
So it seems
-
it's too cold
-
To wear that
-
Red bikini so
-
Leg warmers are
-
In the washing-machine
-
on wool programme
-
along with her
-
limegreen sweat bands
-
And purple Lycra
(Oh no,clkd will get excited ;D )
-
;D hoola hoop ready
-
And she’s off
-
to the pub
(what is with you clkd and lycra? ;D)
-
Looking like a
(Coz she's a perv cc ;D )
-
Looking like a
(Coz she's a perv cc ;D )
LMAO!! ;D
-
Mess, but she
-
Thinks she looks
-
A million dollars
-
But in fact
-
More like 50p
-
She's ripped her
-
Stockings and her
-
Shoes have holes
-
Her fake fur
-
Knickers are wet
-
Stress incontinence?
-
No, it’s because
-
She sat in
-
The dogs bowl
-
of Dog Chow
-
🤮.
Now she smells
-
needs a shower
-
But no 💦
-
Rain will do
-
;D plenty of drizzle :o
-
Give her that
-
PVC red Mac
-
From the attic
-
Hope it's not
-
cracked and creased
-
Or the mice
-
have chewed up
-
Her other clothes
-
We could donate
-
Some underwear to
-
Bras r us
;D Sorry ;D
-
:rofl: what R U on ;D
never wear 1
-
:o She’s a 38GG
-
Just let's them
-
Loose then watch
-
agog when she
-
goes wild swimming
-
They look like
-
cherries on a plate
-
Slipping all over
-
and getting cold :o
-
She needs to
-
Get a proper
-
Sling for them. ;D
-
in purple sheepskin
-
With bells on
-
Charity shop purchase
-
Was good price
-
for the size
-
She's sown two
-
Money pockets on
-
In the lining
-
Just to hide
-
The two big
-
Packs of notes
-
She stole off
-
WH Smiths' Shelf
-
She has to
-
make sure that
-
No-one saw her
-
She's under cover
-
For MI5 and
-
Girls menopause anonymous
-
;D
-
She has disguises
-
Her favourite one
-
Is the red
-
Dragon suit with
-
A flame thrower
-
;D
with fire extinguisher
-
Just in case
-
she hits straw bales :o
-
But usually she
-
Is pretty accurate
-
Sizzles sausages like
-
There's no more
-
Buns left, its
-
A nationwide shortage
-
We're bunless? What
-
about using some
-
Hotcross Buns?
-
With red sauce
-
You mean jam ;D
-
(Nah she means jam ;D )
And some warm
-
butter: dried fruits
-
Cinnamon and nutmeg
-
She'll eat everything
-
That fits in
-
That big mouth
-
But she won't
-
Eat any fruit
-
with a peel
-
So it has
-
To be apples
-
That are mashed
-
Up with peas
-
Then add some
-
Salt and vinegar
-
Lovely on toast
-
With hot chocolate
-
And strawberry sauce
-
And a flake
-
not for breakfast ?
-
Yes,and that's
-
Just for starters ;D
-
Its off to
-
The zoo tomorrow
-
To see some
-
Silver backs, they
-
Scare all the
-
Children away then
-
Start beating their
-
Windows to scare
-
The parents because
-
They think it's
-
Funny to make
-
Them wet themselves 😆
-
(Trust you ;D )
And see them
-
With a mop
-
;D
Cleaning and wringing
-
While all the
-
Chimes and apes
-
Swung from the
-
Branches, and fell
-
On my breakfast
-
Runny egg everywhere! 🤨
-
would that be chimps by some chance ;)
messy, yuk, gross
-
And there's hairs
-
On my chin
-
And on my
-
knees; ankles and
-
Boobs......oh no
-
;D
not my neck
-
And my ears
-
need a syringe
-
Yep, chimps. ;D
To ease the
-
stuck kitchen tap
-
So I can
-
Wash my socks
-
Because they smell
-
Of antiseptic and
-
Stale cheese, but
-
Maybe I should
-
Buy some more
-
Perfumed joss sticks
-
It might help
-
to aid sleep
-
On a Monday
-
Only on Monday?
-
Yes because Tuesdays
-
I love to
-
listen to opera
-
In my jacuzzi
-
Then on Wednesday
-
I sing the arias
-
Even though I
-
I shatter glass
-
Every single time
-
That man turns
-
the sound down
-
On my microphone
-
So much better
-
for the neighbours
-
At least they
-
Like our barbecues
-
Tasty juicy chicken
-
Grilled halloumi cheese
-
Bananas in foil
-
With toasted marshmallows
-
Dipped in chocolate
-
If we eat
-
it with a
-
Cold glass of
-
Lager it helps
-
With the taste. ;D
-
My other talents
-
include the ability
-
To juggle with
-
the wine bottles
-
Whilst standing on
-
A revolving table
-
Amazing to see
-
Especially when I
-
Stand on one
-
leg. Showing pink
-
Lacey knickers with
-
Four bottles hanging
-
Around my neck
-
They make such
-
A racket but
-
who cares, I’m
-
Happy. Exercising. However,
-
I have to
-
change my socks
-
As they're beginning
-
To unravel and
-
my feet are wet
-
Where’s the towel
-
In the washing
-
machine. Never mind
-
Use this duster
-
yellow dyed feet
-
Now I look
-
Like a duck
-
;D
you don't waddle ;-)
-
I quack though
-
That's comforting. But
-
Noisy, and the
-
Weather isn’t helping
-
All this rain
-
Isn't helping my
-
Frizzy hair, its
-
Looking like a
-
Poodle that's been
-
In a fight
-
With a cockroach
-
My hairdresser will
-
;D
get some DDT
-
Shampoo for me
-
That should sort
-
the fly-away look
-
The little critters
-
are all gone
-
They are hibernating
-
In my bush. 🤭
-
🙄🙄🙄🤣
So hopefully nobody
-
:rofl: :-X
will wake them
-
Because they get
-
Very annoyed if
-
They're distancing from
-
Their winter nap
-
They keep biting
-
skin; lips; fingers
-
I'm very sore. ;D
-
Get a massage ?
-
Only if it's
-
Done by the
-
Elves who live
-
Near the river
-
Under the bridge
-
Their little hands
-
holding fishing rods
-
Catching their dinner
-
with chips and peas
-
And a beer
-
Then they sail
-
Downstream to find
-
Somewhere dry and
-
Bask in the
-
autumnal sun shine
-
But those pesky
-
crows ;) keep screeching
-
Don't worry, theyll
-
Be going soon
-
Because the farmer
-
Is selling up
-
And they'll be
-
Sent to auction
-
To be sold
-
So the elves
-
Will have to
-
Get another job
-
To pay for
-
The extension to
-
Their bridge,as
-
It needs underpinning
-
Because the trolls
-
Trapped the giant
-
And dangled him
-
By his big :o ;D
-
::) pair of ears
-
;D ( littleminnie beat me to it, 🥵) ;D ;D
Which had dozens
-
Of stud earrings
-
In each one.
-
He's also got
-
A Lamborghini and
-
Property abroad which
-
He only lets
-
Out to me
-
Because I'm very
-
friendly to giants
-
Always have been
-
Because one saved
-
me from a Troll
-
So now I
-
Bake him some
-
Of his favourite
-
Double choc muffins
-
Every other weekend
-
The other weekend,
-
I paint his
-
Toenails,he likes
-
Splodge green with
-
Yellow glitter. It
-
Matches his eyes
-
U get that close :o
-
Of course, I’m
-
Not scared of
-
him, he is
-
Scary looking but
-
soft as butter
-
And not at
-
All snotty anymore
-
Let’s take him
-
To the zoo
-
He loves looking
-
At the meerkats
-
But be careful
-
Just in case
-
That other woman
-
Tries to pinch
-
My handbag, it’s
-
Containing a lot
-
Of jelly babies
-
All red ones
-
Which everyone loves
-
Except me, I
-
prefer sugar mice
-
And coconut mushrooms
-
Even though the
-
Coconut gets stuck
-
Up her nose ;D
-
;D. making her sneeze
-
Really loudly, then
-
Frightening the little
-
hamsters in their cage
-
And making them
-
empty their pouches
-
Into a bucket
-
Which was full
-
of seed, maize,
-
And pound coins
-
;D U wish ;D
rattling at the bottom?
-
But there was
-
Also a large
-
Bundle of notes
-
Oooh, let’s shop
-
Grab your mask
-
I’m prepared, lets
-
buy bubble bath
-
And sherbet dips. ;D
-
Nice and sour. :P
-
But make your
-
Bed before we
-
Set off because
-
We're going to
-
The Carol service.
-
Just down the
-
Lane and it’s
-
Muddy, so bring
-
Your nipple tassels ;D
-
;D
with lights on
-
So that we
-
glow in the dark
-
When swinging them. ;D
-
She's really talented ;D
-
can she sing?
-
Thinks she can
-
But she actually
-
Whistles better? Hums?
-
Whilst sucking mints
-
And balancing a
-
Poodle on her
-
Big fat head.
-
It's a great
-
Thing to see
-
But is odd
-
Because she has
-
A cone head
-
;D
Well we could
-
Sand it down ;D
-
Smooth the rough
-
Bits and make
-
a beautiful Christmassy
-
Bright beautiful hat
-
With twinkling lights
-
And a fairy
-
By his side
-
That sits on
-
His left shoulder
-
And will whisper
-
Gossip about the
-
Members of menopause ;D
-
Matters cos they
-
Sometimes behave like
-
Five year olds ;D
-
That old? Lol
-
;D ;D ;D
Maybe they can
-
Grow up and
-
Start being nice
-
To other ladies
-
Instead of all
-
:kick: and :poke2: or shouting
-
That's better now
-
Let's all just
-
toast marshmallows and
-
Have a party
-
not leftovers again >:(
-
And why not?
-
sick of left overs ;D
-
Hi CLKD!
Fair enough then
-
egg on toast?
-
Scrambled or poached?
-
Poached with chips
-
Anne tomato ketchup
-
(that's a funny name!)
Or brown sauce
-
Washing up now
-
It’s Anne’s turn !
-
;D
She never does
-
load the dishwasher
-
Can’t, there’s no
-
plug on the wall
-
Well we better
-
put suds into the sink
-
And then what
-
Make her do
-
The evening meal
-
Can she cook?
-
I dont think
-
she can, what
-
Will it be
-
Probably something really
-
Nasty and cold
-
Oh. Well let’s
-
find our slippers 8)
-
And grab a
-
Nice hot toddy.
-
Then we can
-
Watch a dvd
-
Okay which one?
-
Sound of Music 🎶
-
The one with
-
The words, so
-
We can join
-
In with songs
-
And play drums
-
In the park
-
With the dogs
-
Won't that be
-
Noisy. It might
-
Be but if
-
We wear earplugs
-
At least we
-
Can shut out
-
The screaming banshee
-
That comes out
-
On a Wednesday.
-
We could have
-
muffins; marshmallows or
-
A cheese sandwich
-
With onion and
-
Some nice crisps
-
Branston Pickle anyone?
-
Yes please,it's
-
Not a sandwich
-
It's a type
-
Of cardboard I've
-
Never had before
-
But that doesn't
-
phase me much!
-
I'm up for
-
Anything as I'm
-
Very naughty and
-
A little bit
-
Bored because of
-
deep fluffy snow
-
Let's make snowmen ☃️
-
Yes but let's
-
Find our thermals
-
to keep us
-
Warm and toasty
-
all day long
-
We don't want
-
chilblains or hot aches!
-
Mulled wine will
-
Make me sick ;D
-
Oh, champagne then?
-
Now you're talking
-
Get a magnum
-
One or two?
-
Why stop there
-
One each and
-
Some whiskey chasers
-
We'll all be
-
Under the table
-
::) Bring a pillow
-
For whoever snores
-
And we can
-
check out who
-
Drinks the most
-
I know who
-
I won't tell
-
If it's you
-
;D. won't be me ;D
-
Are you implying ;D
-
it's u others ;D :whist:
-
Are talking about ;D
-
whispering in corners :o
-
About his millions
-
No, his billions
-
Is he single?
-
No sadly he's
-
Gay, not interested
-
But, his brother
-
Is an absolute
-
fantastic gymnastic champion
-
;D
Can bend his :o
-
Legs around the
-
Back of anyones
-
Rings and bars
-
;D
But he slipped
-
;D
and skinned his knees
-
He should stick
-
to swimming and
-
Playing dominoes with
-
his 3 children
-
I heard they
-
Prefer to play
-
Outdoor games like
-
Croquet and boules
-
But, no garden
-
So we'll have
-
To play cards
-
On the floor
-
But my knees!
-
Won't like that
-
We have cushions?
-
Are they soft?
-
Yes,they're made
-
By hand and
-
Embroidery on them
-
Bright orange though
-
With black spots
-
Not pretty but
-
Does the job
-
They're wet, why?
-
OH no don't
-
Tell me the
-
Hose is leaking
-
I’m afraid so
-
Now the entire
-
Patio is clean
-
The water bill
-
Through the ceiling
-
What if we
-
Pay in installments
-
Let’s pool resources
-
Make it easier
-
I’ve got £60
-
I've got 60p. ;D
-
What about your
-
Big lottery win
-
I've spent it ;D
-
On me, we
-
Hit the bars
-
Then the shops
-
Don't forget casinos
-
Blew the lot
-
But what a
-
Great time we
-
had. Enjoyed the
-
Roulette table, the
-
Male strippers who ;D
-
dance, jog and swing
-
And take their
-
slippers, socks and
-
Hats off. That
-
Was so funny
-
But now we’re
-
Sleepy. Tired. Weary.
-
Ok, I’m refreshed
-
Ready for action?
-
Black T. 2 sugars.
-
Milk in mine
-
Rice pudding with nutmeg?
-
Oh yes please
-
Nice and creamy
-
Homemade or Ambrosia?
-
Homemade with a
-
Blob of jam
-
:o, messy, tasty :D
-
Cinnamon on mine
-
With stewed apples
-
And double cream
-
Eat it quick
-
Because the cat
-
Is eyeing up
-
The cream container :-* :cat48:
-
Give him some
-
As it's his
-
Thanks for the mouse
-
He caught jumping
-
into my bath :o
-
Luckily it didnt
-
Have a wee
-
;D
oh yes it did ;D
-
I saw it
-
A yellow patch ;D
-
Could be worse
-
Indeed. Let’s try
-
Thinking what could
-
We do tomorrow
-
Fancy a hike?
-
Mam Tor, race U ;D
-
Ok,get your
-
walking boots, gloves
-
And fill a
-
flask with soup
-
Taking a tent?
-
NOOOOO ;D - back home
-
Is there room
-
For all of
-
Our bags and
-
All my shoes
-
In your rucksack ?
-
Won't you need
-
All your make-up
-
Shoes and your
-
socks: corn pads
-
As your feet
-
Need new shoes
-
Not now I've
-
mended my others
-
Sellotape won’t last
-
Is glue better
-
Maybe, have you
-
Tried super glue?
-
Yes but the
-
Cap stuck to
-
My finger and
-
pulled off my
-
Expensive engagement ring
-
What am I
-
Going to say
-
To my fiancé
-
He won’t care
-
He's to drunk
-
to even notice
-
I'll just put
-
A haribo on
-
Though it's sticky
-
It will do
-
for now but
-
I really should
-
Eat it, they’re
-
Out of date
-
But I'm hungry
-
Use them up!
-
Feel sick now. 🤮
-
All in the mind ;)
-
Let's move on
-
to higher things
-
Yes, need to
-
Go for a
-
bath; warm towel
-
Only have face-clothes
-
They won't cover
-
my knees or toes
-
Or your huge ;D
-
Feet, look at
-
what did you say initially ;D
that bright varnish
-
Don’t like it
-
I put orb ;D
It's far too
-
;D
dull. Remove it?
-
Yeah, go natural 🦶
-
And skinny dip
-
in a warm pool :o
-
With some sunshine
-
Where will we
-
decide to go?
-
Somewhere with 🌞🏝
-
The Maldives are
-
2 far. Brighton?
-
Maldives for me
-
When do you
-
Think we'll go ?
-
Is that an invite??!! 8)
-
Yes, join us
-
Flying first class
-
Only the best
-
Free champagne and
-
Strawberries dipped in
-
Rich Belgian chocolate
-
Opps, dropped one ;D
-
I caught it ;D
-
I'd like a
-
little more champagne
-
Okay got plenty
-
Fill the glasses
-
To the brim
-
Won't we get
-
Very sleepy and
-
and pass out...
-
Yes,so maybe
-
Get a pillow
-
Nice and soft
-
So we have
-
Time to recover
-
and sober up
-
Before we have
-
To face the
-
Magistrate at the
-
Crown Court, he
-
Is very strict
-
Likes his boogie
-
Nights with plenty
-
Of 70s music
-
He drinks Stout
-
With pork scratchings
-
And pickled onions
-
With pickled eggs
-
With gherkin dip
-
But his breath
-
Is absolutely rank.
-
He uses mouthwash
-
whisky; gin; port
-
But ends up
-
fast asleep, snoring
-
And dribbling over
-
His poor wife
-
She's so fed
-
Up that she
-
Is going to
-
Find herself some
-
Properties to buy
-
For her lovers
-
She has 3
-
They keep her
-
On her toes
-
Which is rather
-
Funny as she’s
-
79 but very
-
Agile and she
-
know better and
-
Still keeps on
-
With her job
-
Is she still
-
Pole dancing at
-
that wierd place
-
She’s on furlough
-
But still does
-
The odd private
-
Performance if asked
-
It's amazing that
-
She’s so popular
-
Especially as her
-
Habits are appalling 😱
-
She does amazing
-
Things with a
-
Piece of elastic
-
And a ping
-
then a pong!
-
Back and forth
-
She's really rather
-
Unpleasant. Always in
-
A grumpy mood
-
Well, I mean
-
Who wouldn't be
-
It’s always after
-
She's had a
-
almost 12 months
-
Of no clubbing
-
She's a groovy
-
Type of woman
-
Knows how to
-
Shake that thing
-
Sadly her hips
-
Need replacing and
-
She's a wonky
-
woman but also
-
has nice hair
-
She uses the
-
Head and shoulders
-
to avoid dandruff
-
And cuts it
-
Every Thursday because
-
She doesn't trust
-
Anyone else because
-
She's very vain
-
Always looking at
-
Her bottom in
-
In her Levi’s
-
Which are tight :o
-
Can’t even walk
-
She'll have to
-
Use roller skates
-
Bought a skateboard
-
And she's really
-
Unsteady on it
-
Needs more practice
-
Or ski’s, she’s
-
Often seen whizzing
-
Round Sainsbury’s and
-
Stacking the shelves
-
With loo rolls
-
In multi-packs
-
She's fed up
-
Of unpleasant customers
-
Who open packets
-
And eat the
-
Soft center chocolates
-
Before they get
-
Given to staff
-
To finish off
-
The hard centres
-
Will break my
-
Two front teeth
-
But the tooth
-
At the back
-
Is already broken
-
Hi Dyan
into small pieces
-
I'll have to
-
find some glue?
-
Or window putty
-
That won't do
-
Because it might
-
Peel completely off
-
And fall apart
-
But we'll mend
-
It for the
-
Tooth Fairy to
-
Dance on it
-
And her magic
-
And leave money
-
For my piggybank
-
I'm saving for
-
a swimming pool
-
in the garden
-
Nice in summer
-
When I can
-
Splash all day
-
And dive under
-
The rubber ring
-
With arm bands
-
Or float gently
-
To feel relaxed
-
And fall asleep
-
To the sounds
-
of birds pooping :o
-
;D
As long as
-
The hangover isn’t
-
Too bad, we
-
Are going to
-
Have a barbecue
-
Fire it up
-
Oh it’s raining ☔️
-
Then we'll have
-
To go to
-
The marquee,it
-
requires social distancing,
-
And masks when
-
Playing guess who.
-
Don't get too
-
Excited, Boris might
-
Say we must
-
Invite him! What
-
Does he eat
-
does it matter
-
Yes of course
-
But who's going
-
To make sure
-
Nobody gives him
-
Chocolate-coated mealworms?
-
;D
my robin and blackbirds
-
;D
prefer without chocolate
-
But Boris likes
-
a hair cut ?
-
He needs gel
-
For his hands
-
With all that washing
-
The baby’s nappies
-
;D
you bet he does?
-
Hope his hands
-
manage the pins
-
As his fingers
-
are wet from washing
-
And stubby like ..
-
Little chipolatas and
-
blue with cold
-
Give him gloves
-
or a handwarmer
-
So he can
-
Cover up his
-
Brown fingers from
-
Digging the garden
-
He hates getting
-
the weeds up
-
Because his back
-
Is up against
-
The hot tub
-
But he keeps
-
Stooping down and
-
looking for the
-
Ring he lost
-
He got it
-
At the fair
-
But he loves
-
It because she
-
Won it for
-
Hooking the ducks
-
He won a
-
Teddy as well
-
But put it
-
Up for auction
-
Where it reached
-
Enough money for
-
His new roof
-
on his shed
-
He accidentally put
-
a beer keg
-
to trip over ?
-
Whilst his mother- in-law
-
Drank it dry
-
He wasn’t happy
-
He was saving
-
That for the
-
Christening, never mind
-
He can see
-
what sobriety's like
-
money in his pocket
-
To buy whatever
-
shoes he likes
-
Hellooooooo Foxy 👍
Platforms probably, he’s
-
A sucker for
-
very high heels
-
Because he's only
-
wearing sheepskin slippers
-
and sometimes crocs
-
without socks! toes
-
won't get sucked
-
:o ;D
into quick sand
-
When he jogs
-
To the clinic
-
To get his
-
new corn pads
-
And ointment for
-
bunions, gout and
-
Athletes foot but
-
he'll be fine
-
I’m glad because
-
He loves the beach
-
It’s the waves
-
smashing the sand
-
He likes paddling
-
and body surfing
-
But wears Lycra ;D
-
Hold me back ;D
-
;D
Why? Would you...
-
Yep. ;D. Chase him .........
-
Till you catch
-
His elastic thread
-
;D
on his pony tail :oops:
-
It's stuck on
-
with superglue so
-
You'd better get
-
Something to leverage
-
it apart: ? tea-spoon
-
Maybe that would
-
be too cold?
-
Cut it off?
-
You go first?
-
Darn, it broke.
-
Here, have mine
-
Thanks. I'll just
-
get some glue
-
VERY strong stuff
-
And try to
-
Hold it on
-
To the back
-
back of what?
-
his heels. Sore?
-
Yes,what can
-
He put on
-
Got any plasters?
-
No but I
-
Have a saw
-
and a log
-
To construct a
-
stable door and
-
will shut it
-
After the party
-
Party? I’m in. :gym:
-
Reserved you a place
-
What about me
-
Yes, but promise
-
You won't start
-
Trying to get
-
A stash of
-
Dope. You know ;D
-
How many of
-
These women will
-
Know about the
-
High it gives
-
Next thing will
-
Be the drink
-
Gin for me
-
Single or double
-
Treble please, I
;D
-
Should have guessed
-
You've always been
-
quickly asleep with gin
-
And laying on
-
the sandy beach
-
after skinny dipping
-
after alcohol: didn't feel the cold
-
more gin anyone? ::)
-
Yes please,can
-
you hurry up !!
-
Need a tumbler
-
Ice and lemon
-
any paper straws?
-
No,will a
-
wash up quickly
-
One do, we
-
Haven’t much time
-
So maybe we
-
Will go and
-
the beach gear
-
Snorkelling today anyone?
-
Yes,but will
-
You hold my hand
-
Because I am
-
Scared there will
-
Jellyfish and I
-
Think I saw
-
Something floating on
-
The surface of
-
My freshly cleaned
-
New kitchen floor
-
What is it
-
Ohhh, it’s my
-
turn to go!!
-
And get a
-
mop. Done now!
-
Looks lovely. I
-
Think I’ll go
-
and make lunch
-
Don't know what
-
I’ll do tomorrow
-
Maybe sunbathe on
-
The hillside by
-
The gentle stream
-
I love listening
-
to the ducks
-
Quacking away to
-
each other. Sunny
-
Moments don't happen
-
when it's raining
-
But the ducks
-
paddle, quack and
-
Up tails all!
-
Look at the
-
Otter, he wants
-
to eat a duck
-
Quick, get the
-
Net so we
-
Can catch him
-
Don't hurt him
-
Let him go
-
Further up the
-
River, he likes
-
The lady otter
-
but she can't
-
Leave her babies
-
Until next week
-
That’s when they
-
Are old enough
-
To leave the
-
Den behind them
-
And have wonderful
-
times, playing in
-
The forest,where
-
The leprechaun’s are
-
They can hide
-
Behind the trees
-
And jump out
-
To give them
-
A hug when
-
They bring the
-
Food and drink
-
Afternoon tea party?
-
Yes,they're going
-
To get drunk
-
On elderflower wine
-
And whisky chasers
-
Followed by cocktails
-
then a nightcap
-
Before retiring to.......
-
throw up somewhere
-
Not in the
-
Flowerbed,I've just
-
Planted my begonias
-
Too late , damn
-
Plant some more
-
I can’t because
-
I’ve broken my
-
3 garden pots
-
I'll mend them
-
With super glue
-
That’s great thanks
-
But I think
-
It may not
-
Work because I’ve
-
Completely smashed them. 🤭
-
Got any money
-
Yes, why, you
-
Need a loan ?
-
Yes please, I
-
Spent all my
-
Cash on decorating
-
the chicken shed
-
Lights, heater, and
-
straw, sawdust and
-
An electric heater
-
They need corn
-
Only got tins
-
Of baked beans
-
I don't think
-
Beans on toast
-
Will cut it
-
With chickens,maybe
-
they love beans
-
With an egg :D
-
and the shells
-
And tomato ketchup
-
But watch for
-
The cockerel, he
-
Gets a bit 8)
-
Feisty when he
-
Smells toast, he
-
Barges his ladies
-
Out of the
-
Way so he
-
Can be at
-
The toaster waiting
-
For his share
-
Of hot, buttered
-
Toast with lashings
-
Of marmite. He
-
Waits patiently, but
-
Eats the marmite
-
You either love
-
It, or hate
-
I'd rather have
-
Some peanut butter
-
With crusty bread
-
Marmalade for me
-
But without the
-
Orange zesty bits
-
I love them
-
Nooooooooo,they make
;D
-
my teeth grate
-
And taste disgusting
-
Especially when you
-
Eat them with
-
Jelly. I think
-
I feel sick 😞
-
want some water?
-
Yes please and
-
a brisk walk
-
round the shops
-
To get wine :D
-
But you're feeling
-
Sick, aren't you ?
-
Nope. Very happy ;D
-
Its medicinal, you
-
understand. Strictly medicinal
-
Did it work?
-
No. I vomited ;D
-
Drink lots of
-
water then tonight
-
And make sure
-
You take deep
-
Breaths before going
-
To the circus 🎪
-
As the clowns 🤡
-
aren’t funny and
-
You could get
-
Fed up and
-
Smack one in
-
That stupid face
-
Give him a
-
Chance first he
-
Might be really
-
weak because the
-
squeaky nose does't
-
Squeak anymore, its
-
Lost its battery
-
He better go
-
And get new
-
Noses, made from
-
Recycled bottles not
-
Cheap though and
-
His salary isn't
-
Very good,so
-
We can help 💁🏼♀️
-
You have cash?
-
Not a lot
-
Let’s fund raise?
-
Yes,what shall
-
We do, jump
-
down a waterfall
-
Or eat as
-
Many doughnuts as
-
We can ? But
-
Then we will
-
Be stuffed as
-
My pillow, bloated
-
Then we'll moan
-
How about we
-
have no money
-
To buy a
-
New car and
-
We'll have to
-
Buy a scooter
-
Or roller skates
-
Maybe a skateboard
-
Whatever we decide
-
We’ll be faster
-
Than a jet
-
On steroids and
-
We'll get there
-
In time for
-
The carnival at
-
Rio de Janeiro
-
Got my outfit
-
Ready,it has
-
It has feathers
-
All over and
-
Twinkling lights sown
-
Into the bra
-
a scarlet boa
-
Long ostrich feathers
-
She'll look like
-
An over sized
-
Ostrich on steroids
-
She’ll dance like
-
She's got ants
-
In her pants
-
Shaking those maracas
-
And loving those
-
Good looking men
-
Who all wish
-
Sadly they will
-
Never get them
-
There’s a shortage
-
(Where is this going) ;D
At the factory
-
because of Coronavirus
-
Until next December
-
Ready for Christmas
-
a surprise package!! ;D
-
Down the chimney
-
But he’s stuck
-
He KNEW he (sounds like a new phone company ;D )
-
;D would be safer
-
at the pub
-
freezing in the garden :o
-
Turned his toes
-
Into ice cubes
-
He'd better buy
-
They’ll keep him
-
As warm as
-
The Sahara desert
-
Hope he’s got
-
his bus fare
-
In his pocket
-
Lost it, because
-
He didn't notice
-
The big hole
-
In his trousers
-
;D
Which he thinks
-
Are so sexy. 🤮
-
It’s a shame
-
Because he actually
-
With oil smothered ;D
-
All over his :o
-
Long black hair
-
Makes it greasy
-
But then he
-
Puts it in
-
Curlers and blow
-
He's very proud
-
Of his new
-
Quiff, it’s stiff
-
:o ;D
like cement mix
-
He'll never get
-
A comb through
-
It,he'll need
-
A chisel and
-
A friend to
-
Prize it off
-
Bet that's painful
-
I’m sure he’ll
-
Avalon,you liven this up ;D
Enjoy having his
-
Masochistic friends around
-
For a bit
-
He uses oil
-
on a Tuesday
-
And some weekends
-
But never Mondays
-
Monday's for rubber
-
And woolly mittens
-
And a scarf
-
With polka dots
-
And a fringe
-
His mother-in-law
-
Says he looks
-
he really doesn’t
-
Everyone laughs at
-
His little car
-
Because he’s too
-
Old and decrepit
-
;D
Because he’s got
-
A stone in
-
His pants, he
-
Sat on an
-
Ants nest which
-
Which made them
-
One bit his
-
And made him
-
scream with pain
-
Now it's all
-
Blotchy and sore..... ;D
-
But Savlon cream
-
He can use
-
Anti histamine tablets
-
To rub it
-
With baby oil
-
And nappy cream
-
Any volunteers ladies ?
-
Form a queue
-
You've all gone!!
-
What has gone?
-
Volunteers to rub
-
They are asleep
-
Or running scared
-
No asleep because
-
They have all
-
Well, who wouldn't?
-
After seeing his
-
Sadly though it’s
-
Trapped nerve in back,so,so do I Avalon
Completely useless because
-
And gone green. 🤮
-
Give him antibiotics
-
And ointment to
-
Which will make
-
He won't like
-
to admit it
-
As his friends
-
Onto T.shirts and
-
Sell them for
-
Charity to raise
-
Money for the
-
For men with
-
An unfortunate problem
-
They soon forget
-
When they see
-
the football is
-
On,they get
-
the beer out
-
And have a
-
Good session around
-
the giant screen
-
While eating some
-
Burgers and fries
-
They'll soon all
-
be fast asleep
-
And snoring like
-
Fat little pigs
-
Got my earplugs
-
At the ready
-
But what if
-
They just don't
-
Care what you
-
Look like, they
-
Just want to
-
Treat you to
-
Of cream on
-
Hot chocolate fudge
-
for your birthday
-
Aren't they kind ?
-
And very generous
-
They are rich
-
Won the lottery
-
To help the
-
next door neighbours
-
Who need to
-
Get away for
-
To boost their
-
Already very large
-
Bank account so
-
They can have
-
A castle in Scotland [I now where there's a stone property on a tidal Loch with a pool in the sea for £1M ]
-
So they can
-
run their distillery
-
Mm,whisky and gin
-
Vodka or rum
-
And enjoy themselves
-
after work when
-
When everyone is
-
Tarts and vicars
-
More tea vicar ?
-
No, a tart
-
will do nicely
-
With cream on
-
Double please, i
-
;D
-
;D
Only like thick
-
Cream,not the
-
Single runny stuff
-
Or clotted cream
-
With Strawberry jam
-
And warm scones
-
Have you tried
-
the vegan scones
-
Yes but they
-
crumble immediately: messy ;D
-
Need a spoon
-
with large bib (U know, those with a catch shelf underneath)
-
Try chocolate eclairs
-
I prefer profiteroles
-
? with extra cream ?
-
No, I’d rather
-
make a mess ?
-
on the table
-
While eating trifle
-
Hundreds and thousands
-
And chocolate buttons
-
And fresh strawberries
-
Raspberries for me
-
with brown sugar
-
And whipped cream
-
And chocolate sprinkles
-
Can’t have those
-
I'm lactose intolerant
-
so instead I
-
Will have a
-
Sprinkled of nuts
-
With ice cream
-
Mr whippy? I
-
don’t like him
-
pranged his van
I have not heard the term pranged before so I had to Google it! ;D
Now I get it....crashed ;D
pranged his van...
Into a tree
-
All the ice
-
Went down his
-
Underpants,that should
-
Cool him down
-
He screamed, HELP 🗣
-
But we all
-
Laughed at him
-
The little boy
-
Crushed some and
-
For his drink
-
Which tasted good
-
because the vodka
-
Was home made
-
and rather strong
-
He'll soon be
-
snoring. gently. Shuuuush .........
-
Oh wait, he’s
-
Woken up again
-
Needs the loo
-
4 times already
-
got an infection
-
And he has
-
comfy balls pants
-
comfy balls pants
;D ;D
that look awesome
-
(Trust you clkd ;D )
He thinks he
-
Needs the Doctor
-
to peel them
[it's a Trade Name ;D ]
-
Off they’re that
-
tight! Laundered today
-
So now they
-
are much tighter :-*
-
Needs boxer shorts ;D
-
To cover up ;D
-
His large backside ;D
-
He can't help
-
being overweight 'cos
-
Of all the
-
(Delicacy for us Scots ;D )
With chips and
-
Large mushy peas
-
Diet starts Monday
-
Any particular Monday?
-
No,not really ;D
-
Next month perhaps?
-
As soon as
-
He wants to
-
Which could be
-
after yoga class
-
Or maybe not
-
His legs won't
-
Last much longer
-
due to his
-
comfy tight pants
-
Maybe too tight?
-
Anyway, he’s having
-
A good dinner
-
And a dessert
-
With lots of
-
Champagne, then he’s
-
Off out to
-
Get ready for
-
His girlfriend arriving
-
For a picnic
-
In the woods
-
What about Bears? ;D
-
Make good rugs
-
But not pets
-
Not with those
-
Great big teeth
-
And sharp claws
-
They eat lots
-
Of baked beans
-
with smoked bacon
-
Then they get
-
Very smelly wind
-
Not very nice
-
bear needs help
-
Some windeze? Or
-
Milk of Magnesia
-
But he'll explode
-
All over the
-
the birthday cake
-
I'm not eating
-
That, he’s just
-
put peas in
-
His pea shooter
-
And blew them
-
All over it
-
Someone got one
-
Right in their
-
nether region, but
-
It didn't hurt
-
They were wearing
-
so all’s good
-
Thank goodness for
-
All the help
-
From the lifeboats
-
Let's support them
-
Put some money
-
Into the pot
-
So they can
-
Have a trip
-
In safe waters
-
With their families
-
Maybe they can
-
(With some luck!)
-
But what about
-
Their dogs, can
-
They come too?
-
Yes, of course!
-
A bean-bag each
-
Some good food
-
Plenty of wine
-
In a coolbag
-
Can I take
-
any spare home
-
Comforts? I like
-
A fan beside
-
My four poster
-
Which stands next
-
to the large
-
Bodyguard,who watches
-
over the proceedings
-
Of me dusting
-
The vertical columns
-
Do it everyday
-
Don't want spiders 🕷
-
Because they always
-
Mouth when I
-
Am fast asleep
-
They tickle my
-
Tonsils and make
-
Cough and splutter
-
Is it covid
-
Nah had that
-
Miracle worker last
-
Had the test
-
Then fainted in
-
A&E when the
-
Nurse took out
-
A blow dart
-
Who did that ?
-
jillydoll, or jaypo?
-
??? ;D speak to you later JP ;D
Nooooo,they're really
-
;D
Lovely ladies and
-
Have perfect aims
-
Unless their drunk. 🥴. ;D
Hi Joanipat 👋🏼
-
Then that's when ;D
-
The fun starts
-
Especially when jillydoll
-
;D
Gets her boobs
-
Big screens needed ;D
-
With loud sound
-
Screen it outside
-
So everyone can
-
See her big ;D
-
Bum. Like JAYPO’s. ……. ;D. :whist:
-
🤨🤨🤨 ;D :D
No,you're wrong 🤥
-
Yeah, admit you’ve ;D
-
Got a large
-
IQ? Well I ;D
-
Don't like to
-
But as you’ve
-
I may aswell
-
Go on game show.
-
I might win
-
Loads of money
-
then I’m buying
-
Nipple twisters, I’ve
-
;D ;D
What’s BDSM when
-
You don't want
-
To grow old
-
It's a pain
-
In the backside
-
We could get
-
Legless, and go
-
Pick up a
-
Chinese take away
-
or maybe a Penguin
-
I don’t swim ;D
-
She'll sink like
-
A leaded balloon
-
To the bottom
-
of the ocean
-
With no hope :'( :'(
-
They should keep
-
Her a float until
-
:D
The lifeguards come
-
Hope they're handsome
-
Oh they are
-
Especially wearing those
-
🤢 😂
Parrots more like. 😜
-
Please don't I
-
Especially ones with
-
Long thin ends
-
Can stab you
-
Right in the
-
Heart of your
-
Oh well, get
-
The salad cream
-
Out,we can
-
Drizzle some on
-
The egg sandwiches
-
But they make
-
The fridge stink
-
so instead I’ll
-
Make some healthy
-
Chickpea and basil
-
Sounds absolutely delicious :o
-
Yes, but it
-
Will give you
-
Stomach ache because
-
They’re not cooked
-
the hob’s broken
-
Well we better
-
Fire up the
-
Barbecue and slap
-
The kebabs on
-
Chill the wine
-
In the pond
-
But it has
-
too many frogs
-
They’re secret drinkers.
-
Haha! Drunk frogs!
-
Falling all over
-
on the patio
-
And leaping up
-
at the window
-
They're wanting some
-
Cocktails, with paracetamol ;D
-
Tell them no !!
-
I did, they 😬
-
They told me
-
well they threatened
-
Me,that if
-
I didn’t snorkel
-
They would stop
-
Being nice and
-
Give me a
-
Kick up the
-
They don’t care
-
About people,they
-
just want money
-
For more drinks
-
They're a bunch
-
Of old boozers
-
If they don't
-
Stop soon heaven
-
Then we'll all
-
have to go
-
To the mansion
-
but the key
-
That man with
-
12 children, he
-
Has a troll 👿
-
That’s because of
-
That magic spell
-
the wicked witch
-
Cast Upon him
-
They look young
-
both had facelifts
-
But now they
-
Have frozen faces
-
But look 25
-
It's the botox
-
That does it
-
It’s expensive though
-
And makes you
-
Rigid. Ugly. Static.
-
Think I'll just
-
Use sticky tape
-
It's cheap and
-
Nobody will know
-
Because I don’t
-
But I might
-
Just go to
-
Watch James Bond
-
Can I come
-
Only if you
-
To look sexy
-
I can't fit
-
into my shoes
-
I'll have to
-
Wear my slippers
-
Nobody will care
-
Because my slippers
-
Are fluffy and
-
Pretty in pink
-
Everyone will say
-
Are they designer?
-
Or knock offs 😁
-
From the market
-
I’m afraid that
-
They’re off the
-
Back of a lorry
-
I also got
-
Handbags, shoes, clothes!
-
All for under
-
£10. Next I’m
-
Getting a wheelbarrow
-
because I want
-
To grow large
-
Just for medicinal
-
Purposes to help
-
Me get over
-
The loss of
-
All my alcohol
-
Making machines, they
-
Broke down because
-
Someone threw their
-
Toys out of
-
Their pram, and
-
Stamped their feet
-
All over my
-
Brand new shoes >:(
-
🙀
Shall I smash
-
Eating hot chillis 🌶
-
You'll burn your
-
Tongue,then you'll
-
Drink gallons of
-
Ice cold milk
-
With a straw
-
That will do
-
Until I can
-
Find some strong
-
Mints to help
-
With my rancid
-
Foul smelling malodorous
-
(Not sure mints will help with that ;D )
Which I hid
-
Under the bed
-
In an old
-
duvet that I
-
He was a
-
good man but
-
I just couldn't
-
Cope with his
-
BAD smelly feet
-
so I shot
-
Him between the
-
Eyes, and blood
-
Ruined my white
-
Sheep skin rug
-
Stiffness, which i
-
Because he'd never
-
Used starch before
-
On his thong
-
;D
But maybe he
-
Thought it would
-
But sadly it
-
Made things worse
-
He’s well unhappy ☹️
-
Because he thought
-
That if he
-
took the tablets
-
on an empty stomach
-
He’d be ok
-
But he was
-
a bit sick
-
In the bushes
-
Then he needed
-
a lift home
-
Taxi broke down
-
And the rain
-
Now it looks
-
Like a dead rat
-
It’s in the washer
-
With loads of
-
Nice smelling soap
-
and fabric softener
-
So he can
-
Blow dry it
-
It will probably
-
Nurse it alive
-
Or eat it
-
Then it will
-
Be gone, and
-
Doesn’t matter, because
-
He's just bought
-
An electric car
-
Needs twenty AAA batteries. ;D
-
;D
He'll only get
-
to the coast
-
Then he'll need
-
to sleep over
-
At his x wife’s
-
Peace and Harmony ??????
-
Are both pregnant
-
With twins,so
-
It’ll be like
-
The Waltons shortly
-
The difference is
-
They all live
-
In a beach
-
In a beautiful
-
little beach hut
-
Always parading around
-
They sold the
-
Bed, for a
-
new gate because
-
His old one
-
Got knocked over
-
by the farmers
-
And their bulls
-
With great big
-
Horns?? ;D So now
-
(No,I'm following yours Avalon,you're such a bad influence ;D )
But the poor
-
neighbour’s are distraught
-
From the groaning
-
so they’re moving
-
To somewhere hotter
-
Because the insects
-
Are the size
-
Of an experiment
-
Gone completely wrong
-
The spiders are
-
lovely though, they
-
Spin these beautiful
-
Blankets out of
-
Beautiful thin silk
-
then sell them
-
For loads of
-
Money so they
-
can buy more
-
Tasty morsels to
-
To feed their
-
Aunts and uncles
-
who need to
-
celebrate their birthdays
-
Having a party
-
With cake and
-
:party: :veil: :cheer:
-
They’re very giddy
-
Giggling: Snorting: LOL
-
Do them good
-
laughter releases endorphins
-
And will make
-
Them very happy
-
Just hope they
-
Wear Tena ladies
-
🙀 ;D
Otherwise there could
-
Be a large puddle :o
-
pass the mop
-
And some nice
-
washing up liquid
-
Disinfectant will be better
-
Lovely fresh smell
-
Makes me sneeze
-
Well stick some
-
Cotton wool up
-
Your hooter, that’ll
-
;D
-
Stop her complaining ;D
-
Maybe, maybe not
-
Because she likes
-
Complaining,never happier
-
Than when she’s
-
Having a good
-
Scrub in tub
-
With a glass
-
Of Guinness and
-
A chaser of
-
coke with ice
-
Then she settles
-
Down to watch
-
Catchphrase celebrity special
-
but Stephen Mulhern…
-
Has decided that
-
He doesn't want
-
To play anymore
-
Because his leg
-
Is too hairy
-
Couldn't he shave
-
Shouldn't he wax
-
No because the
-
Contract states that….
-
He must have
-
No contact with
-
beans on toast
-
Because of wind 🫣
-
He can't be
-
on holiday or
-
MI6 will take
-
Action and he’ll
-
End up in
-
Strictly Come Dancing
-
Wearing tight Lycra
-
(Clkd will like that then ;D )
It's TOO tight
-
:lol: u know me too well - not long B4 le Giro a Italia begins ;-)
Around my ankles
-
It's cutting my
-
Blood flow to
-
My naughty bits ;D
-
Now I need
-
A dose of
-
Testosterone,as my
Songbird,you've stolen my dog ;D
-
Upper lip is
Oh Jay - they’re twins ;)
-
soft, pink and
-
Fluffy with a
(Oh thanks CLKD ;))
-
long moustache and
-
pointy, green ears
-
Like Mr. Spock
-
;D
Beam me up, Scotty
-
Which planet will
-
Have HRT treatments ::)
-
Not Uranus,that's
Sorry sorry,it had to be said......by me obviously ;D
-
;D
wash your mouth out Lady :D
too far away
-
;D Jaypo and CLKD - love it ::)
"In a galaxy"
-
Not Uranus,that's
Sorry sorry,it had to be said......by me obviously ;D
:rofl:
-
Too far away
Mouth has been washed with carbolic clkd ;D
-
Do the dogs mind ;D
to collect milk
-
Or deliver pizza ::)
-
or bird food
-
Well we'd better
-
Open the bags
-
See what’s new
-
hi jillydoll
: seeds, nuts, mice :o
-
Hiya CLKD. 🙋🏼♀️
Wow, there’s loads
-
Of sexy stuff
-
that I bought
-
From that sexy
-
Mail order catalogue
-
in a brown envelope? (like I would know :whist: )
-
It’s heavily disguised
-
as household sponges :o
-
But in fact
Yeah yeah clkd,we believe you ;D
-
the packet is empty :o
;D
-
No sexy lingerie :oops:
-
Well,she'll have
-
to compromise and
-
use pull-ups
-
Like Nora Batty?
-
With wrinkly stockings :yes:
-
With ladders too
-
She loooks a
-
needle is required
-
To darn the
-
Hole in the
-
Brown wrinkly stockings
-
otherwise they flop
-
At the ankles :o
-
Looks like she's
-
Stitched her knickers
-
To her liberty bodice
-
How will she
-
Use the facilities
-
with great difficulty
-
But tena pads ::)
-
are sold out
-
So the sewing-machine
-
is in action
-
But first I
-
Need a wee
-
dram of whisky
-
To warm the
(I do love this game ;D)
-
The parts that
-
are white with cold
-
Suppose I’d better
-
Buy some thermal
-
Socks ready for
-
Wild Swimming Days ?
-
Lookout :o. Great Whites :worm:
-
With great big
-
pearly white teeth?
-
And no fillings 🦷
-
Porcelain I think.
-
or dentures perhaps
-
On a shark?? ;D
-
And why not? ;D
-
All the better to see you with ?
All the better ..........
-
For seeing you :o
-
🎼🎶 ..... in all the old familiar places.....🎶
-
;D
-
Now I'm confused ;D ;D..........no change there then ;D
-
Confused Dot Com ::)
(Look up the lyrics of Billie Holiday's "I'll be seeing you", Jaypo) ;)
-
Will be able
-
I’m innocent this time! ;D
To bite strong
-
peppermints in half
-
Without breaking his
-
Tibia or fibula 🦴. ;D
-
Dem Dry Bones ;D
-
Now I've got an ear worm ;D
playing loud tunes
-
Humming in background
-
Bees in the shrubbery
Hi jillydoll
-
Hi CLkD 🙋🏼♀️
Watch out, they’re
-
Not happy,someone
-
has watered them
-
Now they're soggy :rant:
-
Shaking bums gently
-
So as not
-
to appear bedraggled :o
-
Whilst making honey 🍯
-
from wild flowers
-
Bluebell, Poppy, Foxglove 🥀🌻
-
Dandelions, buttercups, daisies
-
Makes me sneeze
-
Yes me too
-
So we'll have
-
Two more cats :)
-
for cat therapy
-
then maybe kittens
-
If they’re frisky. ;D
-
Should be, they’ve
-
Been on the
-
Oysters and Champagne 🥂
(Does it for me ;D)
-
Yes but she
-
Already got 8
-
8 oysters, or
-
a large bucket :sick02:
-
So she can
-
Collect more if
-
She has visitors
-
Although she won't
-
Be happy if
-
They don’t bring
-
Any seriously strong
-
Mints. The oysters.....
-
Attract flies and
-
Flies like mints
-
They’ll have minty
-
breath, and then
-
They'll get eaten :o
-
By a scary
-
Giant with big :o ;D
-
teeth and big
-
Hands and feet 😳
-
But a small
-
bank balance because
-
he buys large shoes
-
And enjoys luxury
-
Cars, holidays and
-
buying things for
-
his Borzoi and Saluki
-
Toys and treats
-
And the best
-
blankets and beds
-
They snooze all
-
Day on a
-
Sun soaked verandah 🌞
-
Until the postman
-
Delivers my new
-
Ipad, then they
-
Bite the postman ;D
-
He chases them
-
His big white
-
New postbag is
-
Slowing him down
-
So he'll have
-
To grab a skateboard
-
;D
-
Next stop olympics 😉
-
He won a
-
Lollipop once for
-
hop scotch and
(did any1 see the photos from London Zoo of the Gorillas with their lollies? )
-
Winning at marbles
-
patang (sp) anyone: balls ?
-
Or pentanque even ;D
-
;D
hurts my back ::)
-
Massage is required ::)
-
But it must
-
Be Brad Pitt ;D ;)
(I'm on fire today :o)
-
He's fully booked :whist:
-
;D
No, I phoned
-
Got me in
-
He also does
-
Wonderful things with
-
Chopsticks and chillis
-
;D
home grown chillies?
-
Yes,they're red
-
How very unusual
-
that they aren't hot
chillies grow in red, green, yellow ......... some are long pods, others round - something is eating the ones I am growing >:(
-
That's no good! :(
-
You like things spicy ?
-
👍Hot Hot Hot 🔥 🥵
-
;D
cool shower required?
-
;D
Boiler needs serviced :whist:
-
into the fish pond?
-
Poor fish seeing
-
Pale flabby thighs 🧐
-
Heading toward them
-
;D
-
He likes them 😜
-
Prefers them tanned ::)
-
Not all white
-
And dimpled with
-
The dreaded cellulite ;D
-
Cellulite? What’s that ::)
-
It’s a form
-
of crinkled brown paper ?
-
Ohhhh like what
-
we wrap chips in OH NO back to food ;D
we wrap coal in
-
The Daily Wail
-
I wouldn't wrap
-
I’d rather ‘rap’ (Not!! :o)
-
Like Jay Z ?
-
Is that lazyZ?
-
No Jay Z
-
A piece of furniture ?
-
;D
Married to Beyoncé
-
Who might she be ;D (I thought that they divorced :-\ )
-
Lady who can
(Nah,still together)
-
trot her stuff
-
Because of $$$
-
Makes a fortune
-
to spend on
-
Another butt enhancement? :whist:
-
And get bigger
-
Cars, houses and
-
Donates money 💰 to
-
The rich society ;D
-
Who perform Musicals
-
For the rich
-
fabrics, brocades and netting
-
What can we
-
Make with those?? ???
-
A pair of
-
Big girl pants :D
-
To wear to
-
Royal Albert Hall
-
When we go
-
To see the
-
Proms, of course ;)
-
That's tomorrow then?
-
Better go buy
-
A quiet fan
-
for the dog
-
She's panting and
-
wanting ice cream
-
but lactose intolerant :(
-
That’s ok, give
-
Her a vegan
-
Sorbet, very extravagant
-
So says the vet :scottie:
-
Who is rather
-
Money hungry, he
-
Once gave me
-
a worming tablet :o
-
Gave it hubby
-
His bum exploded!! :rofl:
-
;D
like firework displays?
-
More like an
-
Pressure cooker,it
;D
-
Pebbledashed the walls 😳
-
;D
Blimey,better get
-
The firemen out ::)
-
His pants are
-
Stuck to his......
:rofl: I love this game!
-
radiator, wet and sticky
-
Persil won't shift
-
;D
Them stains, get
-
The bleach out
-
Drying on the line
-
Got flies on
-
Corn midges bite
-
Ants in pants??
;D
-
Now he’s itchy 😆
-
Calamine lotion all over ;D (U hold him, I'll spray )
-
All over? Who's
-
Rubbing that in?
-
I'm not touching
-
His man bits 🙀
-
Without decent insurance :whist:
-
:o. girls :o
-
;D
Because that thing
-
That hangs downstairs 🙀
-
Gives me nightmares 😳
-
It’s ugly and
-
Looks like a ;D
-
shrunken courgette flower
-
shrunken courgette flower
:rofl:
Deep-fry it quickly :hapij:
-
Won't that hurt? ;D
-
Not if we.....
-
Rub scotch bonnet
-
On sensitive area ;D
-
On NO You don't :o
-
Oh please let’s
-
We like a
-
Belly laugh daily :rofl:
-
And seeing him
-
Squirming in terrible
-
Underpants,give us
-
Hiccups from laughing 🤣
-
Then we’ll eavesdrop
-
Who knows what
-
gossip we’ll hear
-
If we’re lucky
-
We’ll find out
-
What he keeps
-
In his step ones ;D
(Google it ladies if you're unsure) ::)
-
Probably his money. 🩲💰
-
Because he's not
-
Cash rich, it’s
-
All in property
-
Mainly in Cornwall :). Ooh, I’d love a wee holiday home there..
-
But also in
You kidding songbird? You'd be hung drawn and quartered for that these days ;D
-
City of Westminster
-
;D. holidays spots will cut their noses off to spite their faces ;D. "come home to a real fire. Buy a cottage in Wales". However :-X
Is that Harrods?
-
No, he’s got
-
A Lidl bag ;D
-
;D
full of loo rolls. (shortage in Germany. Apparently)
-
And Swiss rolls :cupcake:
-
back to food. Again ;D
Prefer Swiss Alps
-
Or Norwegian fjords :D
-
Malvern Hills anyone? ;D
-
I get vertigo there!
-
We’ll hold your
-
blindfold on tightly
-
Then push you ;D
-
Into a spa
-
With luxurious soap
-
And your bubble bath
-
And champagne flute 🥂
-
and soon you’ll
-
Be happy and tipsy :drunklaf:
-
Exactly! Then tomorrow
-
will sleep all day
-
After eating a
-
Huge tub of
-
Cockles and mussels :sick02:
-
Then she’ll pick
-
Her nose because ;D
-
Cockles get stuck ;D
-
👃👆 :-\
She’ll use a…
-
Pair of tweezers
-
a pin for winkles
-
And chopsticks for 😱
-
Sticking in the
-
Ear drums for
-
Her fancy dress costume ;D
-
I'm attending naked
-
Everything on show? ;D
-
I'm not prudish
-
Hope you trim
-
the hedges down
-
Before you go
-
They’re a mess
-
sue the shredder
blasted predictive text >:(
-
Is she mafia? ;D
-
shredding paper for
-
Our little rabbit
-
to kick about
-
With Gerry gerbil.
-
They tease the cat :catscratch:
-
and the kittens
-
Bring in big
-
cardboard boxes and
-
Bob, the badger
-
Who'll spray the.......
-
Whole lot with
-
Stinky bum scent ;D
-
Nooooo,I've just
-
Had my breakfast
-
Fruit and yoghurt?
-
Or full English 🍳
-
Men in the mid-day sun
-
Nuts and sausages. ;D
-
Ooh, let's barbecue ;D
-
His smelly socks. 😷🤧
-
In a chilli glaze ;D
-
That should do
-
....Nice and hot 🔥
-
That’s better, now
-
What’s on TV
-
see the tread ;) (where have TV programmes gone)
-
Can’t, lost connection. 🙄
-
Internet is 💀
-
Complain to Bill Gates ;D
-
who might he be?
-
He’s my uncle :rofl:
-
Introduce me to 😍
-
a swimming pool
-
and cabana boy... ;)
(don't judge, I'm tired... ;D)
-
I’ll show him
-
my collection of
-
Nail clippings, I’ve
-
got 10 colours
-
Do you 🤔 think
-
it's warm enough?
-
To go naked?
-
Amongst the wildflowers
-
:lol:
Don't eat the daisies (there's a song in there somewhere)
-
They'll make you
(She sits amongst the cabbages and peas?) ;D
-
;D. R U bored on the ship .......
they'll make you - wash up plates
-
In the river
-
with mud and sand
-
to scour clean
-
then air dry
-
In the warm
-
Breath of a
(Yep,still on board clkd)
-
Summer breeze. Muggy
-
You all ready?
-
for the drought?
-
Water butt’s ready
-
will it rain ? :-\
-
Not much, because
-
The weather forecaster
-
Said its gone
-
over to Europe
-
Where they do
-
funny little dances
-
To make it
-
Torrential, they need
-
Lots of umbrellas 🌂
-
and water barrels
-
All for the
-
camellia and heather plants
-
They have hundreds
-
So they'll sell
-
All their dead
-
Bits and bobs ::)
-
who to though
-
The highest bidder
-
Going going gone ;D
-
Sold to the
-
Woman who has
-
The coffin sitting
-
In her lounge :diablo:
-
As a coffee table
-
How very contemporary ;)
-
How very weird 😱
-
Covered with a cloth
-
And a vase
-
Ming Dynasty perhaps? 🤔
-
Nah,Poundland's best ;D
-
;D
-
David Dickinson would ;D
-
Slap on fake tan ;D
-
in the morning
-
So he'd look
-
Good on camera
-
stained the sheets :o
-
Wasn’t with tan ;D
-
Trust you 🙄
Was it the
-
Box of Black Magic
-
Yes, melted everywhere ;D
-
Get the Vanish!
-
Don't waste chocolate :o
-
Scrape it off
-
Then lick the
-
spatula, bowl and
-
Once your finished
-
Feel as sick
-
As a 🐶
-
I don't understand that expression ;D
as a dog - who needs bathing
-
In the pool.
-
which has weed :o
-
Make a raft
-
With many sticks ::)
-
And use weed ;D
-
To make a
-
A grass skirt
-
;D
it will drip :o
-
Diamonds and pearls?
-
Prince & The Revolution :banana:
-
(Seen him in concert many times)
Had a song
-
written for me
-
Was it, your
-
favourite folk group
-
No,it was
-
Purple rain dripping. ;D
-
acid rain falling?
-
Fell down cleavage
-
No!!. Soggy bra :o
-
Wring it out
-
And hang it
-
On that tower
-
the wren made a nest ;D
-
In the cups ;D
-
Hush. All's quiet ;-)
-
They’re sleeping, so
-
Let's not disturb
-
the sleeping puppy
-
her feet are twitching
-
She must be
-
dreaming. Small woofs
-
She’s woken, hungry!
-
nip to Morrisons
-
raw mince and
-
Doggie ice cream,
-
That should cool
-
Her warm doggy tongue
-
Now there’s trouble 🫣
-
ice cream everywhere ;D
-
All over my
-
fancy ruffled blouse
-
onto the skirt :o (get Maggie's tongue to work?)
-
Yes AND on
-
My expensive sofa
-
She'll lick it off
-
especially peanut butter
-
oh - peanut butter on hot toast 8)
from a ladle
-
Now the squirrels
-
are sulking ;D
-
They wanted some
-
They're so fussy!
-
I gave them
-
some chocolate buttons
-
they went berserk
-
Spat them out
-
and demanded some
-
Crunchy nut cornflakes!
-
Better get some
-
Go to Lidl
-
Ask for Tom
-
Get a discount ;)
-
Watch his hands!
-
For closeup magic :yes:
-
He can produce
-
Love birds from
-
His Step Ones ;D
-
:o. I hope not ! :o
-
Don’t worry, they
-
don't peck his
-
Cherry tree because
-
they are fake
-
bought from B&M
-
No batteries tho
-
Charge them up ;D
-
I can’t because
-
The charger has
-
Decided to malfunction :-\
-
No worries, get
-
solar rechargeable batteries
-
Oooh, where from
-
The fabulous B&Q :)
-
shall we go
-
In the car?
-
McDonald's Drivethru First :gym:
-
To use the loo
-
And happy meal. 😋
-
Large or regular?
-
Does size matter? :rofl:
-
Yes,most definitely ;D
-
Gotta fill up
-
the ice bucket
-
to soak my
-
corns and bunions
-
After walking through
-
The dense jungle :lol:
-
I stood on
-
Red ants, they
-
Were not happy >:(
-
And bit my :o
-
Under carriage! Jesus, 😩
-
Hurry. Calamine Lotion ;D
-
Oh! So! Itchy >:(
-
Anyone got any
-
fly swat thingies
-
or bug spray
-
No but I've
-
bought a chameleon
-
named Kevin, he's
-
lively, disappears, hides
-
When he sees
-
Him coming, he
-
also likes smarties
-
Especially the red
-
Hot crispy ones :)
-
Take him out
-
To Chester Zoo 🦎
-
or Whipsnade Zoo
-
They’ll give him
-
Special pass to : feed the lions
-
He'll have to
-
Change colour quickly ;D
-
to avoid the
-
Predators catching him
(Are we still with the chameleon ;D)
-
Who knows ;D
for lunch! then
-
I’m hungry too
-
Get ice cream?
-
double chocolate please
-
With a big
-
splodge of jam
-
splodge of jam
Splodge? ;D Love it!
traffic
-
splodge kind of explains the dollop of jam. Squelch is the other word that really describes the sound ;D
traffic - holidays
-
Exciting
-
Is this 3 or 1 word? ;D
But better take
-
Is this 3 or 1 word? ;D
But better take
I was wondering about that too Jaypo ;D
Some scooshy cream
-
for the scones
-
;D
Lost the plot then. 🥴
Coffee any one?
-
Coffee?? No,some ;D
-
iced minted elderberry
-
Sounds yummy and
-
Alcohol free and :whist:
-
a vodka shot
-
in separate glass
-
With berry cider
-
poured over ice
-
OH! my teeth :o
-
They’ve just flung
-
Their rubbish over
-
The neighbour’s fence :banana:
-
and it hit
-
their cranky cat
-
That’ll teach him
-
It's forever having
-
fights with my
-
Lop eared rabbit!
-
Who kicks. Hard!
-
Then jumps neighbours
-
6 foot fence :o
-
after fresh grass
-
But she's getting
-
arthritis in her
-
thumb and fingers
-
knee, needs a
-
Bit of surgery
-
Going private because
-
The waiting list. 😲 :neutral:
-
Is 5 years.........(no kidding there)!
-
and next year
-
She’s off waterskiing
-
Special insurance needed :o
-
To cover her
-
when she gets
-
Her diamonds out
-
On her tiara 👑
-
;D
sparkly knee pads
-
Oh wait, she’s
-
Found something in
-
Her tow rope
-
It's all frayed :(
-
tow rope’s expensive
-
But what will
-
happen when it
-
Breaks and her
-
Poor arthritic knees 😢
-
Go bandy and
-
She looks like
-
she could use
-
a stiff drink
-
Perhaps a screwdriver ;)
-
Could twist the
-
the nuts off.......
-
She’s got arthritis
-
But still flexible ;D
-
She can put
-
Her legs around 😲
-
her horse's belly
-
..are we still talking about the rabbit? ;D
which can measure
-
As big as
-
17 hh
-
Must diet now. 😱. ;D
-
So I can
-
wear my new
-
Jodhpurs,they look
-
Tight around the….. ;D
-
Button hole, it
-
Will need to
-
Be moved over
-
Sewing box anyone?
-
Dropped it in
-
Thread the needle….
-
Get some string
-
Can’t, too expensive
-
Need more money 💰
-
But how? Shall
-
We get more?
-
Need a millionaire
-
Preferably a good
-
looking adonis who
-
Has a body
-
To match mine. ;D
-
That won’t happen ;D
-
His dangly bits ;D
-
Are touching the
-
Newly painted decking
-
(Good Lord ;D )
It's all smudged
-
Get the brush
-
a foamy cleanser
-
For what? His ;D
-
Crusty bits of course ;D (4 words, I know) ::)
-
Not the Klingons
-
No,they wouldn't
-
Budge, need scissors
-
or electric razor
-
don’t have either
-
Hold him down. ;D
-
Could check prostate (while we’re down there anyway?) :rofl:
-
You got gloves? 😱
-
:rofl: catch him first ;D
-
Then take his
(We're like a pack of wolves ;D ;D )
-
don't use lubricant
-
oh! why not :-\
-
No pain no gain :bounce:
-
He's run off :o
-
We can surround
-
the coffee table
-
Then pounce on
-
The offending article
-
and make him
-
Apologise before we. :diablo:
-
Strip his Lycra
-
not his knickers
(sorry don't know where that one came from!!!!)
-
They’re next off. ;D
-
Don't tell clkd ;D ;D
-
:rofl:
Is money involved?
-
Only if he
-
wears a Speedo
-
Then we'll pay :o
-
Noooooooooooo - budgie smugglers :sick02:
-
Keeps money there. :D
-
So it looks
-
extra large pouch
-
🤮
It’s his wallet. ;D
-
Awww,not his? ;D
-
🎼”Nuts Whole Hazelnuts” ;D
-
;D
Crack them with
-
cover with chocolate :D
-
Yummy 😋 Ferrero Rocher ;D
-
He’s asleep, lets
-
go into town
-
Have some drinks
-
Maybe find a
-
shop that sells
-
10p mixup and....
(Sorry, can't get it out of my head for some reason) ;D
-
Candy floss, we
-
can share the
-
sticks to stir
-
then ride dodgems
-
no thanks: too fast ;D
-
And the waltzers
-
:-X. :sick02: :worm:
-
Hook a duck (is that better CLKD?) ;D
-
The ghost train? 👻
-
And pirate ship. 🤪
-
Captain Jack Sparrow 😍
-
No,he's mine ;D
-
:rofl:
OK, I'll have......
-
Danny DeVito,he's ;D
-
;D ;D
Johnny Depp’s twin :o :rofl:
-
I’ve had both. :whist: :rofl:
-
a cold and cough >:(
-
drink hot toddy
-
hook a duck (much better ;D)
drink hot toddy - hot water bottle
-
for your cramps
-
better now, tnx
-
Good, fancy a
-
brisk sea-front walk?
-
Tub of cockles? :sick02:
-
:rofl:
with salt and vinegar ;-)
-
then candy floss
xxx
-
Oh! So! Sticky !
-
But very nice 😉
-
on a weekend
-
with feet up
-
And a hot......
-
date with a
-
Male stripper,who
-
Loves his cockles :rofl:
-
:o Betty :lol:
loves his cockles - pepper and vinegar
-
Before he strips
-
the sheets from
-
his vibrating bed :o
-
now he's queasy :D
-
Pass him a.....
-
a barf bag
-
Make it a
-
deep plastic one
-
Does he have
-
some fresh air
-
to breathe in
-
and relax. Skip?
-
Hop? Or jump?
-
Hopscotch anyone? ::)
-
Yes please. Whoops ;D
[French skipping anyone? With elastic ? ]
-
Ouch, my knees
-
They're all scuffed
-
give magic rub
-
What’s that then?
-
silver cleaning product
-
a love potion!!!
-
Cauldron ready, go. 🧙🏼. ;D
-
OK. Hubble Bubble ;D
-
That Mouse: brooms
-
None of this makes sense ;D ;D
At the ready
-
to sweep the water ;D. (Micky Mouse in his large magicians hat, 'fantasia' )
-
I’m ever so confused :o…………I had expected “toil and trouble” after Hubble bubble! ;D ;D
“To sweep the water” - down the drain ???
-
We're all bloody nuts that's why ;D
Hopefully that will
-
Work, rub it
-
dare I ask? ;D
-
Get my rubber gloves :o
-
Because I don't
-
Want it on
-
the Church Candles (doesn't anyone remember the Mickey Mouse section in Fantasia ) :-\
-
the Church Candles (doesn't anyone remember the Mickey Mouse section in Fantasia ) :-\
My brain fog doesn’t let me recall what I had for my tea, CLKD, never mind Mickey Mouse’s exploits :rofl:
“The church candles” - Or fork handles! (Two Ronnies sketch) - sorry, I’m rambling again ;D
-
:lol:
four fork handles - gardening, weeding, vegetables
-
Cultivating the plot
-
Lots of worms
-
In doggy's poo? 💩🐶
-
🤮
Get the shovel
-
and poop bags
-
So we can
-
Get it up
-
Where the sun ???
-
does not shine
-
Throw it there! ;D
-
into the bin
-
Then the rats
(I have literally no idea what we're speaking about ;D)
-
will run away
why change the habit of a Lifetime ;D
-
And join the queue :o
-
To nibble grain
-
Then the rats
(I have literally no idea what we're speaking about ;D)
:lol:
to nibble grain - to add fibre
-
helps the bowels?
-
To move quickly :rofl:
-
how they run
-
hop, skip, jump
-
My bowels do ;D
-
especially when travelling
-
Comfort break needed ;D
-
find a hedge
-
ouch, too ****ly!
-
For my bare
-
tushie, but it
-
is smooth now
-
like baby's bottom
-
Apart from the
-
Itchy rash on
-
the left cheek
-
The right cheek……
-
Is even worse
-
gets better when
-
Captain Jack Sparrow ::)
-
Rubs rum into
-
Omg...really?? ;D
the nasty bits
-
of gristly meat
-
which get stuck
-
In your molars 🦷
-
may have to
-
don't take to me about teeth >:(
get a tooth pick
-
haha sorry CLKD xxxx
-
or dental floss
-
sometimes a warm
-
Cup of tea 🍵
-
with lemon and honey
-
a nip of
-
Cognac brandy helps
-
rubbed on the gums ? ;D. [that's OK disco girl]
-
No, knocked back! 🥴
-
Like a shot :drunklaf:
-
more tequila please
-
You want both?
-
Why not, we’re
-
celebrating the ☀️
-
Shall we all
-
Have a cocktail? 🍹
-
Singapore sling please
(Try that on your cruise,deeeelish)
-
make that two x
-
for me and
-
One for my
-
Waiter, he’s depressed
-
His fish died...
-
was called Monty
-
A python bit ( see what I’ve done there girls?) ;D
-
Now you've done it jillydoll ;D
my hovercraft is
-
🤷🏼♀️
Broken, what shall
-
🤷🏼♀️
Broken, what shall
(my hovercraft is full of eels... ;D)
we do now?
-
;D
Eat them boiled? 🤢
-
Or perhaps jellied? 🤢
-
eels better fried (in flour with black pepper ;) )
-
Is that so?
(jellied eels is the only food I've never been able to tackle ;D)
-
NO IT ISN'T!! ;D 🤢🤢🤢🤢
-
🤢🤮
Don’t eat Anguilliformes. ( get a load of that < then. ) :rofl: Google’s brilliant isn’t it! ;D
-
I feel nauseous...
-
(Blimey Jill,your brain must hurt now ;D )
The very thought
-
Yep, it’s overloaded. ;D
Of slimy fish
-
feed the cat (off to look at that very long word, thank goodness I'm not doing shorthand :rofl:)
-
Even he will
-
Lift his tail
-
can you see
-
his fluffy trousers
-
and snazzy braces
-
Looks a gentleman :D
-
proper little dandy
-
Top cats brother ;D
-
officer dibbles truncheon
-
TOP CAAAAAAAAATTTTT!! Where ;D
-
have you put
-
Him in your
-
greenhouse: with tomatoes
-
growing in such
-
Warmth, he’ll grow
-
long toe nails
-
And he’ll grow
-
into a big
-
Scary tiger that
-
wears shiny shoes
-
And a waistcoat ;D
-
with a top-hat (and cane)
-
and handlebar moustache
-
Just like Mr
-
Buffalo Bill, he
-
rides horseback whilst
-
Playing his guitar
-
(hahaha) singing such beautiful
-
Rock band songs. ;D
-
with a big
-
Ten gallon hat
-
and big shiny
-
Boots and stirrups 😜
-
when along came
-
Butch Cassidy and
-
the sundance kid (love that film)
-
Being all lovable ( yes, good film)
-
with deep blue eyes
-
on a horse
-
with stirrups and
-
Playing his ukulele ::)
-
:rofl:
riding through cactii
-
Looking for love...
;)
-
then out of
-
The dusty corner
-
came a sultry
-
Belly dancer, she. :veil:
-
mounted behind him (on the horse you understand)
-
;D
The horse bolted. :o
-
it shot up
-
the sand dunes
-
and landed on
-
a marsh pond
-
Where they found
-
great big balls
-
of pink fuzzy
-
with bits of
-
green, slimy, weed
-
It’s ok, the
-
martians have taken
-
The slime, they
-
use it for
-
Body moisturiser, keeps
-
their feet nice
-
And green,they
-
have very long
-
legs, fingers and ears
-
bilbo baggins has
-
Big feet too
-
and rather small
-
Ears, he’s lovely 😊
-
But his spex
-
Fall off, get
-
caught in the
-
Horses mane, then
-
started riding bareback
-
Ohh, his sore :whist:
-
legs lets rub
-
Baby oil in :o
-
smooth his sore
-
Again with the rubbing? :lol:
hobbit back side
-
but their fur ;D ;D
-
Comes off in
-
and then it
-
It turns to
-
a honey monster
-
Sugar puffs anyone?
-
tell 'em about
-
The day you
-
poured salt not sugar ?
-
Was very embarrassing
-
because he stuck
-
His tongue out
-
which made the
-
Salt drop out. 😳
-
then it turned
-
Green and fell
-
then grew into
-
A tree, like
-
magic faraway tree
-
That glitters at
-
All the passing
-
heffalumps and woozles
-
The wizard’s there 🙀
-
cast spells on
-
The dancing gnome’s
-
and they turned
-
Into beautiful princess’s
-
and handsome princes
-
castle which was (do you think we could turn this into a book?) :)
-
Made from gold ( nah, no one would read it) :rofl:
-
And diamonds,with
-
A ruby tiara
-
And gold sceptre
-
He looks like (hey songbird,onto the holiday thread,let us know how the cruise went :) :D)
-
the guy from (who is on holiday???) (and I would be interested in reading it Jillydoll) ;) xx
-
Songbirds back from her cruise. ……that’s just me and you then Discogirl. ;D
That Greek island
-
he ran rampant (it would be an exclusive book club)
-
In his speedos 🤢 ;D
-
he looked like :)
-
007, very sexy :madeyes:
-
Sean or Roger? 🤔
-
Sean every time
-
"Ah.....Mish Moneypenny"
(he couldn't pronounce his 's' ) ::)
-
Daniel, he’s hunky 🤪
-
But his ears 👂......
-
Are too waxy
-
so he rubbed
-
In some warm
-
oil and then,
-
Sprinkled it with
-
Pepper, black pepper. ;D
-
And chilli flakes ;D
-
to avoid getting
-
Attacked by mosquitoes :rofl:
Where on earth is this going?! ;D
-
:lol:
that have mutated
-
(Is it still about ears) ;D
Into scary giant
-
;D
scary giant .......... mothballs, oh! stinky
-
Get that spray!
-
filled with liquid
-
Paraffin, that’ll sort
-
the very itchy
-
Skin on his
-
thigh and foot
-
Maybe better with
-
Savlon - gently applied
-
I’d give foxglove 🤫🤭
-
;D
too late this year
-
Let's torture him :hapij:
-
What with though? :clapping:
-
Tar and feathers? ;D
(I do have a giggle with this) :rofl:
-
and long ticklingstick
-
Can I use
-
the feathery sort
-
Tickles his fancy. :D
-
with lots of ;D ;D
-
Ants on it ;D
-
adam and the ants??? ;D
and gooey honey
-
But the bees 🐝
-
stung his little
-
Ukulele, he always ;D
-
plays my old
-
One, it’s broken
-
then along comes
-
A reconditioned one ;D
Seriously ladies, do you think we need help? :rofl:
-
Yep, we really do. ;D
Fabulous, let’s play
-
some sexy tunes (this could be a best seller jillydoll)
-
I'll get my
-
We’ll be rich…Discogirl. ;D
Sexy leather trousers
-
And sparkly boob-tube ;D
-
What's this all about ;D
chilly on cold nights
-
Your guess is as good as ours! ;D
Nipples are frozen. :-\
-
Microwave will work ;D
-
Warms my croissant
-
and we'll melt
-
butter; cinnamon and
-
ginger with sprinkles
-
Hang on, what’s
-
the sprinkles doing
-
In my bra? ;D
-
they've been dancing
-
In the warmth
-
But now they've
-
Melted into multicoloured
-
Sugary liquid goo :o
-
and playing maracas
-
In the background
-
There's also a
-
Snake charmer, and
-
His snake is
-
reticulated like a
-
carpet python with
-
with a massive
-
Boot in his
-
lovely long leathery
-
Foot, he’s hybrid. ;D
-
Half snake,half
-
Workman, he’s also
-
Got a builder’s bum :o
-
(we need a face palm emoji ;D)
with a crack
-
The size of ;D
-
the moon on
-
A good night
-
the moonlight will
-
Highlight said crack ;D
-
and give him
-
A clean look. :o
-
with chiselled abbs
-
Hope he's shaved
-
in all the right
-
Warm crusty places :sick02:
-
we will shake
-
His beard to
-
show a polished
-
chiseled chin and
-
however when his
-
Bum is bare 🫣
-
and hanging down
-
We can all
-
play chopsticks on
-
the baby grand
-
piano accompanied by
-
The wombles, they’re
-
fans of the
-
Of Wimbledon,they
-
Particularly like Federer ;D
(My word, this just gets weirder and weirder) :rofl:
-
He’s left now
-
Gone to do
-
Mountaineering, with Madonna
-
whilst wearing a
-
Pointed bra, looks. ;D
-
Good on him ;D
-
(are we talking about Roger Federer now :o ;D)
especially in black
-
whilst singing i've
-
forgotten the words
-
to, i've got
-
the libretto now
-
listening to handel
-
And pretending I'm
-
in full costume
-
;D
Been there, done that ::) (Yum Yum)
-
But now he's
-
Investing his money
-
In fluffy handcuffs ;D
-
any particular colour?
-
sparkly neon green
-
C.C. - weekend :ola:
sparkly neon green - won't machine wash :o
-
Slush them in
-
warm soapy water
-
They’ve shrunk, what
-
Will I use
-
Now to show
-
I’m the boss ;D
-
A big whip :o
-
Or cattle prod?? (Dearie me, I need help!) :rofl:
-
With itching powder :rant:
-
You rotten lot ;D
-
It’s the menopause 🤪
-
We're normally very ;D
-
Chilled and caring :o🤭
-
But cross us :rant:
-
And you'd better
-
Run rabbit 🐇 run ;D
-
Because if we
-
Blow a fuse :steamed:
-
we are doomed
-
We'll end up
-
wading through treacle ;D
-
With smelly feet :o
-
warm bubbles required
-
Or else the
-
treacle will stick ;D
-
Like super glue
-
Then our feet
-
Will rot and
-
Will attract moths ;D
-
which 🦇 s eat
-
Not vampire ones??
-
Not those types (though vampire bats do crawl along the ground to bite the heels of cattle in the night :o )
-
Not those types (thought vampire bats do crawl along the ground to bite the heels of cattle in the night :o )
Blimey - I don’t want to come back as an Aberdeen Angus :rofl:
Not those types - fluffy cuddly ones ;D
-
With BIG teeth ;D
-
Nothing wrong with a big old Aberdeen Angus, I used to date him ;D ;D
With big teeth...........that can bite
-
:lol:
that can bite - pink candy floss
-
:rofl: Jaypo....
Pink candy floss - at the funfair
-
with bright lights
-
She wore old Aberdeen Angus out. :crutch: ;D
And dodgem cars 🚗
-
the waltzers next?
-
Ahhhh I remember him so well ;D
Noooooo,they make
-
testosterone levels rise
-
With bushy moustache :neutral:
-
That's a Highlander ;) (go which way with this)
-
He plays bagpipes
-
Has no underwear ;D
-
Did you look? ;D
What’s that hanging :worm:
-
Of course I did ;D
-
Wrinkly dangly bits?? :sick02:
-
It’s his wart. 🤮
-
Right on his
-
Left knee cap
-
It’s massive, what
-
What...about filing it? 🤔
-
You’ve a file? ….
-
For his knee?? ;D
-
👍 I’m a podiatrist!
-
Make an exception
-
Call a vet ;D
-
They'll charge you
-
Hold him down
-
We'll remove it 😈 ;D
-
Bunsen burner needed 👹 ;)
-
and painkillers because
-
He’ll sure need
-
Something after we've
-
Done the business
-
Whisky sour maybe? 🥃
-
Not whisky it's 🤢 ;D
-
Mingin! - pina colada? 🍹
-
Oh yes please :D
-
Not for YOU! ;D
-
Why not? You're ;D
-
A cigar smoker :poke2: :drunklaf:
-
Only at Christmas ;D
-
Nah a pipe ;D
-
Bagpipes for Hogmanay ?
-
Lots of puff needed 😮💨
-
Or they'll sound
-
Screechy 😖 like a….
-
chalk on blackboard
-
Remember that well
-
A wishing well?
-
Lost money down
-
the back of the sofa
-
And I can't
-
Reach with my nails 💅
-
Get the grabber
-
from the garage
-
Nooo there's spiders
-
With hairy legs :o
-
Just shave them
-
Or plait them ;D
-
Less scary then 😳
-
Ready to go?
-
Harry the spider…….
-
Will need his
-
Four pairs of shoes
-
For halloween 🎃 night..
-
He looks scary
-
But he's really
-
A big softy ;D
-
No, don’t like
-
Hairy crawly things 🫣
-
Take him to
-
the supermarket for
-
Companionship with his
-
Spider friends,he
-
Likes watching Spiderman 🕷
-
But thinks it's
-
nearly time to
-
To find a
-
Hairy lady friend ;D
-
so they can
-
Produce lots of…..
-
Mini hairy babies
-
Ready for the
-
Most hairiest competition
-
He's very competitive
-
about his cute
-
Hairy bottom,he'll
-
Tint and perm ;D
-
It, it’ll bounce. ;D
-
When he struts
-
His moves on
-
Strictly Come Dancing
-
Six dancers he’ll
-
Have to partner 🕺🏻💃
-
He'll probably end
-
Up hairy legless :rofl:
-
He won a
-
free holiday to
-
The sunny Caribbean 🌞
-
Where the spiders
-
are all naked 😳
-
And drunk, its
-
Spider heaven,they
-
cavort and spin
-
On one leg
-
Showing off to
-
The jelly fish
-
Who drunk rum
-
Rum jelly? Yum ;D
-
Rum jelly? Yum ;D
I’m with you all the way Jaypo ;D
Rum jelly? Yum. - “my jelly belly”. :rofl:
-
;Dont get me started on me jelly belly ;D
"My jelly belly " - is so wobbly
-
It’s a life
-
Near the beach
-
But I'm not
-
Going, don’t like
-
Showing my big
-
Toe off, it’s
-
A different colour
-
From the rest
-
Quite blue from
-
Sticking it in ;D
-
My fridge freezer ;D
-
It’s broken now
-
Because it got
-
trapped: tightly, OUCH!
-
I need to
-
get on with
-
Getting it plastered :o 😖
-
I’m plastered too. ;D :drunk:
-
May I join? ;D
-
Pick your tipple. 🍺🍸🍷🥃🥂🍹🍾. ;D
-
All of them ;D
-
Bailey's Bailey's Bailey's...
-
Yummy over ice 🧊
-
Do you require?
-
A pint glass
-
Filled to top
-
with chocolate milk-shake
-
Marshmallows and cream
-
You’ll be sick
-
And then you'll
-
regret that drink :-X
-
Andrews Liver Salts :sick02:
-
Brandy is nicer
-
Or a cosmopolitan 🥴 🍷
-
Anything alcoholic really 😂
-
;D
Milk of Magnesia
-
On a school night ;D
-
That’s TOO much. ;D
-
Fancy dress required
-
Don’t have funds
-
Well just make
-
A costume with…
-
Cornflake boxes and
-
sticky back plastic
-
Very couture darling ;D
-
She's so classy ;D
-
and very inventive
-
Put some tinsel
-
round the ankles
-
And reindeer antlers
-
On her horse ;D
-
Bells on her :boobs:
-
*painful*
that jingle all the way
-
Santa and Rudolph 🦌
-
Are waiting for
-
Boxing Day - PHEW
-
The can put
-
Elves to work….
-
To make some
-
Money, I’m broke!
-
Wait until New Year :D
-
Why, what’s happening?
-
The sales,we'll
-
Grab a bargain
-
that we don't require
-
Like a big ;D
-
Space ball, with ;D
-
glowing bright lights
-
To attract aliens - "what?!" ;D
-
with yellow Crocs
-
And very long 🙀
-
Wrinkly dangly bits :o.
-
That'll B clematis
-
Hanging off their
-
Rather large green ;D
-
trellis and trees
-
Which has nasty
-
slippery green lichen
-
Which stops the
-
squirrels climbing up
-
For their nuts :o
-
:lol:
not in May
-
Not chocolate brazils? ;D
-
From Hotel Chocolat 🍫😋
-
Well okay then
-
Try some caterpillars 🐛. (Apparently Cyril the Squirrel 🐿 loves them ;D)
-
Fried or boiled (??? advert from years ago ???)
-
Let’s deepfry them :diablo:
-
Noooo they turn
-
sludgy greeny brown :o
-
Like Bush tucker
-
or stodgy and squidgy
(heard that on Great British baking show...no clue what they mean, but probably not a good thing when Pru says it!)
-
With a soggy bottom ::) (another Pru ism!)
-
No!!! 'soggy bottom' was Mary Berry's phrase ;-)
falling off the sledge ;D
-
Oh that’s right CLKD. It was Mary Berry’s phrase 🤔 (but it’s Pru that actually owns a soggy bottom) :rofl:
Falling off the sledge - “because they’re sloshed” 🥳🍻
-
:drunk: :stretcher: OUCH!
-
Who gave them
-
Hot black coffee
-
☕️ Caterpillars are allergic :sick02:
-
What about 🍷
-
Won't that make
-
them bounce around
-
Maybe, but funny
-
To see them
-
running away. Fast .
-
Even though they're legless ;D
-
:lol:
:drunk: :stretcher: headaches
-
and sour stomachs :sick02:
-
Soothing treatment required?
-
For “dicky tummies”
-
Maybe try some
-
Blood sucking leeches :rofl:
-
(We all know a few of them :o )
Where do we
-
Get them from
-
The leech shop
-
Of course,there's
(Trust you Jill 🤣)
-
three different sizes :o
-
For various ailments :o
-
You go first
-
No,I'm too
-
busy packing for :whist:
-
A festive cruise 🛳 :drunklaf:
-
Stick one on
-
a good label
-
Cruise? How did you lot know? ;D
Will be needed
-
to keep track
-
Of my champagne
-
glasses: all Georgian
-
With gold and
-
An umbrella sticking
-
In a maraschino 🍒
-
Far too sweet
-
Songbird? Yes she is ;D
Far too sweet
I'd rather have
-
"Aw shucks" Jaypo ;D
I'd rather have......
A soor ploom (remember these? ;) )
-
(Ha yes I do)
But those make
-
teeth very purple
-
Got any toothpaste?
-
To clean my
-
Dodgy looking veneers ;D
-
They look like
-
brown and crusty
-
cost a fortune
-
Credit card’s smokin’ :o
-
That's a bad habit ;D
-
and a fire hazard...
-
Better get the
-
I thought that you are away jillydolll ........ not bored. Surely :-\
better get the - toothbrush, paste and
-
suncream packed ready
-
to slare everywhere?
-
Nooo, been back a week now, CLKD. Came back last Saturday. 👍
It’s very sticky
-
And everything sticks
-
Greetings Jilly…
Especially at Christmas ::)
-
sage and onion stuffing (sticks)
that was a quick trip jillydoll :o
-
Sage is disgusting 🤢🤢🤢🤢
-
Hiya Songbird. 🙋🏼♀️
Just a week away CLKD. 👍
What does it
-
Taste like then? ;D
-
Cat wee,it's
-
:lol:
not worth cooking
-
Give him some :D
-
with turkey stuffing
-
He’ll eat anything
-
I've even seen
-
Chocolate dipped marshmallows :great:
-
in Bailey's hot chocolate
-
With orange peel
-
Like leg cellulite :rofl:
-
Yes, like mine :o
-
And your bum 🤣😂 🏃🏼♀️ 💨
-
Forget the diet :o
-
I diet daily
-
You’ll be hungry
-
4 a round of toast
-
😋 butter and jam
-
Marmite anyone, I
-
Have several jars
-
On hot buttered toast :-*
(marmite was given to Far East Prisoners of War when they returned to the UK via the US, along with ciggies. To help replace minerals lost due to starvation. I love it.)
-
and a coffee
-
Strong coffee with
-
an extra shot
-
Ooh yes please ☕️😬
-
That’s hit the
-
spot, full of
-
Fizz: Bubbles: Wind :-X
-
Sprouts cause farts ;D :-X
-
add some bacon
-
Will that help
-
to eeekkk out
-
This unfortunate side-effect :o
-
Wind. Wind. More wind :whist:
-
Crack the windows
-
Rattle the knobs
-
Take extreme steps
-
to mop the floor
-
Use the labradoodle :rofl:
-
Upside down? Done!
-
Now run the
-
ferret round the skirting
-
Make him work!
-
windows next. Sloth?
-
He’s too lazy :neutral:
-
Bertie beaver will
-
chew the furniture :o
-
The woodworm will
-
run away fast
-
And the mouse
-
caught by cat
-
A tasty snack 🐱🐭
-
Spits out bones ;D
-
And uses his
-
teeth to clean nails
-
:sick02: Nail file’s better!
-
my dog and cats used to clean their nails by chewing; loudly ;D
not an enermy board :o
-
In sight though
-
shops open today
-
Shall we go?
-
Sale shoes 👠- yipeeeeee
-
Want new furniture
-
Buy through antique shops (I can drive you in the right direction ;D)
-
Like contemporary though
-
Silver, gold and
-
lots of money
-
But I’m broke.
-
all those socks?
-
Sell them to
-
The sock addict :rofl:
-
That's me. Me.. Me. ;D
-
Sold! Let’s go. :yipi:
-
shopping for a cycle
-
My menstrual cycle ;D (whaaaaaat?)
-
;D. what R U on :D
No more periods [for me]
-
;D ;D
However, Tena pads :whist:
-
Thin: Thick: Overnight?
-
All three please. ;D
-
;D Jilly..
Stack ‘em up. (I reckon Jaypo will be back from her fab cruise.)
-
Soon I think, she'll be up to her ears in laundry ;D
stack 'em up - piles of bricks
-
Yep, Queen Jaypo’s back. Fresh from her posh cruise, and ready to go. ;D 🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️
Building a wall? ;D
-
swimming pool complex
-
With hunky lifeguards :rofl:
-
In speedos,showing
Yep,I'm back to lower the tone ;D
-
hairy legs and backs :o
found our level then jaypo?
-
Budgie smugglers again! :sick02:
-
Get a kaftan?
-
Oooo, I don’t know. :whist: ;D
-
👍 Expose the “budgie” :rofl:
-
It's it green? ;D
-
With white spots. ;D. 🤮
-
lots of itching
-
Itching powder caused it ;D
-
Poor budgie,it
-
Just wanted attention :(
-
;D. :rofl:
by singing. Loudly
-
Then it limped
-
All the way
-
To the vet
-
now a pile of feathers :'(
-
Budgie cruelty methinks :-\
-
It moulted suddenly
-
Looked pathetic standing
-
shoulders huddled up
-
Under the budgie shower
-
He likes the
-
warm fluffy towel
-
That fluffs his feathers 🪶
-
Need any toiletries
-
Yes please,maybe
-
a strong deodorant
-
To attract a
-
Kinky female or
-
Very chatty parakeet 🐦
-
Which must have
-
Painted talon’s, he
-
also needs to
-
See her dwelling
-
To make sure
-
They are suited ;D
-
Because he’ll woo
-
the neighbour and
-
Then she will
-
throw cold water
-
Over her rival 😠
-
will she shriek ;D
-
Oh yes, like
-
A feathery banshee ;D
-
falling in a snowdrift
-
Until she’s covered
-
with a space blanket
-
Provided by ET ;D
-
Now I have an ear-worm :D
Fax
-
Wrong game CLKD. ;D Now you’re doing a me. ;D
From his basket
-
;D
-
Think he wants
-
To go home. :rofl:
-
Better get Elliot ;D
-
And a phone ;D
-
And a bike ;D
-
A large moon
-
Will make him
-
Howl and scream 😱
-
Dripping in dew
-
All sticky and
-
Huge fangs and.....😳
-
That's not a budgie!! ;D
-
;D
it's a cane toad 🐸 [did any1 C the large one caught in Oz .......... weighed the size of a small baby :o ]
-
That's not a budgie!! ;D
There are budgies the size of eagles 🦅 found in the Shetlands, Jaypo (and they have huuggge fangs) 😲
:rofl:
“It’s a cane toad” - Toadzilla from Australia. (I’ve officially lost the plot!)
-
What’s going on here? :rofl:
Think you’ve finally joined our ‘lost the plot’ group, Songbird! 🤪
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Merino [sheep]
;D
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Oh yes songbird,that famous Lerwick fanged giant budgerigar? 😂🤣😂
I have no idea Jill 😂
He's super scary 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
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Shaking his fleece
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Just agree with her Jaypo, maybe she had a nightmare. 🤷🏼♀️ :rofl:
Because it’s full
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It’s that blinkin utrogestan, ladies :rofl:- you’ve no idea the weird dreams I’m having 😰🤪…
“Because it’s full”……….
Of itchy dandruff ;D
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dip it under
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;D
The sheep dip
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oh! it's green :o
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Must be all
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through the wool
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That will make
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fluffy knitted socks
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Shrek loves those ;D
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:rofl:
Does Fiona wash them?
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She wears them. ;D
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In the forest
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watching Donkey braying
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And Lord Farquaad 🤴
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on his white horse
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To Banbury Cross?
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;D
to visit the lady ;-)
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Who has bells
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On her bits :o
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They must hurt. :beaurk:
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Only when she
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rides that horse
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Without a saddle :o
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She was side-saddle I think ;D
without a saddle - stuck to the flanks
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Nopes - definitely no saddle in the reworked nursery rhyme :rofl:
Stuck to the flanks - get some Vaseline….
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Vaseline worked. Yipee
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Now it’s slippery :whist:
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And she can't
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shower without falling :o
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Over the soap
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Shower gel required
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One that smells
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of vanilla essence
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And lemon, that’ll
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Compliment the gin 🍹
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Make it frothy ;D
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With a fizzy
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Bitter after taste 😬
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Suck a chocolate button
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Till it dribbles 🤤
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I had to scroll back there ;D
then freezes solid (as in a tap ;-) )
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On her hairy chin ;D
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Wear a snood
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Over your hair
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So nobody can
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pour gunge over
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The ponytail, it’ll
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tuck inside, clean
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And dandruff free
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Sweet smelling. Tidy.
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Until the donkey
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Decided to put
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His rotten teeth
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On her bedside table :o
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And took her
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Tea and biscuits
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But she didn't
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tell him off
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Instead, she kissed
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His floppy ears
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And rubbed his ;D
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Oh no she didn't ;D
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she just kissed ;D
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His ass, then :rofl:
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blushed with embarrassment :o
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His ass, then :rofl:
Very good Jilly ;D ;D
Blushed with embarrassment -
Down to his mules :rofl:
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without warm socks ?
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Ah Jill,you're on form Mrs ;D
His feet will
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Ahh thank you, thank you. 🙋🏼♀️ ;D
Need snow boots ;D
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Hey you lot, what about my “down to his mules” one?! ;D
Need snow boots - For the snowy paddock….
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But, before then....
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Aww sorry songbird,round of applause on its way 👏
He'll need to
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🤭...
Trim his hooves
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Sorry Songbird, didn’t get it, :rofl: 🤷🏼♀️
Because they’d poke
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"Neigh" bother Jilly :rofl:
Into the paddock
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;D
And leave holes
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Awww nooooooo songbird ;D
In the grass
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It had to be done Jaypo ;D ;D
Oh 😲 - the farmer
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Just got it! :rofl: omg, bear with me. ;D
Is angry, he’s
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stamping his wellies
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And has a
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Shotgun cocked, ready
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to clean carefully
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Before target practice
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At The Range
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I prefer Dunelm ;D
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Oh me too ;D
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lots of choice
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Nice Leopard print
(Jill's favourite ;D )
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Perfect for hotpants :o
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;D. that dates us ;D
with cream tights?
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1970s trend - also……..
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A boob tube ;D
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Bay City Rollers :-* :-* (loved Les McEwan)
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I had trousers. ( tartan stripe down the side) ;D
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And the platforms?
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no trains running
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Until tomorrow then
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Trams are striking :o
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Cycling off to
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Buy some new
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tyres; bell; brakes
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for our tandem
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Trip round Jersey
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In the sunshine
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And we can
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stop with a camera
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Selfie with shellfish 🦞. (Try saying that when you’ve had a few). :rofl:
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Why a shellfish ;D. [easy to say as I don't drink ]
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Because they are
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Incredibly vain and.....
(didn't you know that Jersey lobsters are particularly vain CLKD??) :rofl:
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Like to top
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And tail with
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vingerette, mayonaisse, mustard
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Michelin starred restaurant
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Bit pricey though
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Maybe chippy instead?
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chippy it was
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It was off. 🤢
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The fish had
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Unfortunately been sunbathing 8)
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and developed a
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Red rash. It
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Looks awful next
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to pale chips [back to food ;D]
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slap some tomato
Odd fetish ;D ;D
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salsa on it's fins
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and then go
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For crispy skin
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on it's toes
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Call the podiatrist ;D
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She’s on holiday
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Get the farrier :o
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He’s on strike
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I see what you did there ;D
at the anvil
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Not another one! (Brenda from Bristol) ;D
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Gretna Green weddings?
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Time to elope!
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Can't afford it
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Sell your Ferrari
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That's a Lamboughni (don't you know ;D)
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Not MY Lamborghini!! ;D
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;D
mine's bright yellow [with deep magenta material seat covers as well as a pale lilac steering wheel cover]
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Like a banana
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One of my
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Five a day (of course ;))
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Far too much
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You’ll have the :whist:
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Trots if you ........is it still horses? ;D
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[was it every horses ;D]
buy a Welsh Cob
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Ooh - fiery temper 😡
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that's a reptile
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it's a dragon
(sorry no context read ;D)
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That escaped from
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The zoo,it's
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Running. Fast. Scrabbling
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Seeking Harry Potter
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but Harry’s in
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Las Vegas gambling
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Trying to win
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a sedan to drive
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to the Grand Canyon
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Where Teddy Roosevelt
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Dropped his ice-cream
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On top of
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His teddy bear ;D
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;D
to the Repair Shop
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For new ears
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Black eyes and ears
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a new outfit
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new fluffy tail
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and a bowtie
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He looks so
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Up to date
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And ready for…..
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His visit to
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the Warren Inn
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For a pint 🍻
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and some crisps
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back to food ;D
crisp underfoot: Icy
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might also try
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Those lovely pickled
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walnuts. YUK. Gross
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With pickled eggs 😋
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Or pickled onions (yum yum)
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Let’s mix them
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His bum will :whist:
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Be on fire 🔥
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Then he'll need
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Blocks of ice
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What a relief :sigh:
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To his hot bot ;D
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Now he’s got
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A frost bitten
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Crutch, he’s walking ;D
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Like John Wayne
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After bareback ride :o. (What?!)
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Soft cushion and
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Some anusol needed
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chemist has none!
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Oh! Well perhaps
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ice cubes. Bagged
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Then sit on
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a bean bag [I seem to be obsessed with ice ;D ]
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With his legs
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being so long
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He has to
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Wrap them around
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His exercise bike 🚴♂️
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And hold his
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Phone in his
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Sock, he keeps
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Telling his mum....
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about an iPhone
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But she won't
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Listen whilst ironing
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she loves ironing
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Listening to sex-pistols
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Punk and piercings
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And a couple
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Of dodgy tattoos
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Of safety pins
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On her butt ;D
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And a skull 💀
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In her cleavage :o
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down her thighs
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She has a
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Donald Trump face :rofl: (why not?)
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Worst tattoo...ever ;D
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But written underneath
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It says, orange
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Faces are so
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Awful with combover :o
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It’s a wig. ;D
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Made from a
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Sheaf of corn :o
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Not until September (crikey that takes me back)
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Because that's when
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The harvest is brought in
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And they mould
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And turn to
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hayricks on the cart [pulled by Suffolk Punches]
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With drinks galore :drunk:
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On my way
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To the barn dance 🐮
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I'm wearing my
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Plaid cowgirl outfit
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Drinking cider and
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Chewing on a...
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Piece of grass
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Will it stain
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My teeth green
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Yes,so you'd
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want some bleach ;D
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or tooth whitening
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Costs a fortune
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Rod Stewart might pay
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;D
Only if you
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clean his oven
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And also his
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Rolls Royce drinks cabinet
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Then he'll sing
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like a canary
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Only until he
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Needs penny to
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Get him a
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Hot toddy, to
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Warm the cockles
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At his age….
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He needs two
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pairs of mittens
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To hold the
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Two pint glass :o
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of dandelion and burdock
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He’s singing now :banana:
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in tune? ? dancing ?
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Doing his sexy
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Moves like Jagger
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His leopardprint trousers
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Have split, showing 🙀
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acne on his
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Bottom,he'd better
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pose in the ☀️
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Bums make money ;D
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When you twerk ;D
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In the pub
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Not again, I’m
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Getting a reputation
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For dodgy moves :o
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Go on TikTok
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Let the world
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See what a
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good dancer you
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Are, don’t throw
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Out your legwarmers
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until July because
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Snows coming soon
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Easter eggs & snow :o
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At least they
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Will be chilled 🍫
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Along with my
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Glass of sangria ;) 🍹
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;D
no ice required [I remember snow at Easter ;D ]
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But avoid the
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hot tub bubbles
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Getting into your…
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brand new car
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ruining the carpet
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And soaking the
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authentic leather upholstery
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Hi C.C.
cold on the legs
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But feels so
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Luxurious,think I'll
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Add some chocolate
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coloured cushions and
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And leopard print
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Throw, with tiger
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Woods’ golf balls ;D
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😂 they are worth
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;D. not a lot :-\
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So might as
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well buy his irons
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Currently on gumtree ;D
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Too expensive for
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decoration. Try baubles
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Can you juggle?
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Practice every day
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Photos to share? ;D
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Yes,sent them
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to be developed
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At Boots Chemist
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won’t be long
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B4 we can giggle
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And fool around
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At the rimmel counter
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that dates us ;D
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You’ve broken the
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memory of early makeup
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All that glitter
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lots of choice (any1 remember the trays of different eye shadows ?)
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Assistant breathing down
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My neck,watching
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With beady eyes 👀
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What will U choose Madam
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None of your :D ;D
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bright colour palettes
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They’re sooooo ‘60s ;D
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U can remember :o ;D
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When I slapped
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When I slapped
(Oh man....that leaves the door wide open! ;D ;D)
a lawsuit on
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The neighbour because
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she laughed at
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My psychedelic miniskirt
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;D
And slammed the
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Door on my
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Multi tonal guitar
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now it’s ruined
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My gig on Saturday
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I was going
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to sing my
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Favourite song,called
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Gone with the Wind
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But then realised
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I've forgotten the
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Words to it
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What can I do
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Hum. Whistle. Sing.
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Simon Cowell judging
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And the Kardashian’s
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Will provide vocals ;D
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tambourines: triangles; cymbols?
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won’t be required
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Because their thunderthighs......
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;D
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Are percussion instruments 🥁 :rofl:
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Slap. Flop. Tremble :-\
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No,mine could
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do better actually...
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As a vice 😳
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They can crack
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Walnuts and chestnuts :o
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;D
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Walnuts and chestnuts :o
Are permanently hard!
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So she'll have
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bruises everywhere, even :-\
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Green pistachio stains
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On her thighs
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A good concealer 🤔
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rubbed in gently
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It makes a
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World of difference
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But might itch
;D
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Especially round the
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Knees. As well as
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And bum too
;D
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Get some cream
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And slap it
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On Nicola's face (sorry, don't know where that came from ;D)..Behave songbird!
And slap it - on a scone!
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Is something troubling you songbird ;D
With some jam
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but save some...
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for tomorrow: breakfast
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Full English anyone? 🍳🥓
:rofl: Jaypo - just a bit!
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;D
Or some healthy
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boring bran flakes
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with LIVE yoghurt
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:sick02: I’d rather have
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Raw eggs and
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champagne along with
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Toasted tea cakes
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Gluten free ones? 🤢🤨😏
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:sick02: :pills: :-X
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And a shot of….
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Milk of Magnesia
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For the old
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gurgling gut reactions
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Which sounds like
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my washing machine
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That’s better, now
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let’s go out
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Grab an afternoon tea
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And check out
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The hot waiter :whist:
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Okay, I’m in
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Thought so ;D he
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Looks like he’s
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Oiled up,his :o
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Corkscrew slipped out :o
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;D
Because he can't
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grip because of
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Strange wrinkly bits ???
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Maybe an iron
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lay across the board?
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Put on steam
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That’ll burn the
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Candle at both
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Ends making us
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All grumpy and
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tired; need ☀️
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Or vitamin d ;)
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Conga anyone? Line up
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And put the
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Drinks lined up
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with lots of ice
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Fire up the karaoke 🎤
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And get the
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soft shoes on
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So our feet
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can keep going
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on brisk walks
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Through the forest
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to hug a tree
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Or kiss a ;D
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Fern. Moss or
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Frog or toad 🐸
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:rofl:
I'll basggie your Prince
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Love a fairytale! 🧚♀️
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Wait till you
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See what he
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Wears under his….
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Kilt! Red bloomers ;D
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Not b***ock naked?? :o
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🤢
Hope not,don't
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Want to see
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The nuts, too ;D
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Dry and wrinkly ;D :sick02:
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Got any crackers? ;D
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🤢
No thanks,feel
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free to have
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Some though,they
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Stop the nightmares 😬
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Of giant pistachios
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Chasing you down
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The hillside naked 🙀
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Your wobbly bits… 🫣
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Flapping in the
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Wind and face. :boobs:
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Causing black eyes 👀🫣
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It’s a nightmare
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On Elm Street 💀😫
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Freddie’s gonna get
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You and he'll
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Scare the bejesus 😱
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Into you. Shall
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We exorcise him? :diablo:
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Yes,get the
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Equipment from the
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Outside loo, thats
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The ouija board 👹
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It’s covered in
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Cobwebs and there's
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Miss Muffett. With
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Sat on her
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Big fat bum :o
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;D
will she get piles?
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Yes,probably,she'll
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Use a cushion 👍
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plump; purple; bouncy [that's the cushion]
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Is it really? 😏
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:rofl:
stops botty hurting
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Need to get
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some warm slippers
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Attached to skates :crutch:
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;D
ice or rollers?
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one of each? ;D ;D
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Torvill and Dean? ⛸
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if sh'e lucky!
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She'll no doubt
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Have a flutter
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As she hits the ice :o
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Her knickers in
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Full display of
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the general public :D
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Marks out of 10? ;D
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For the knickers
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oh definitely none :o
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They were very
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Frilly and sheer ;D
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Brazilian style and
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Showing dodgy bits :o
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That nobody wants
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To look at.
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She doesn’t care ;)
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Throws caution to
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People with binoculars
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Doing some birdwatching ;D
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They'll not see
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The hippo in
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Sunglasses 🕶 and sunhat :o
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;D
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Why's he dressed
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Like Frank Sinatra? :neutral:
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or Fred Astaire?
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He's going dancing
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along The Nile
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With Hercule Poirot
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They'll solve the
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The mystery of
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The beast from
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Sherlock’s Bodmin Moor 🙀
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After he had
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His boiled eggs
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And toasted teacake. 😋
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not together surely :sick02:
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Yes and tomatoes
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That he grew
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In his greenhouse
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are ready to pick
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Up the new
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Hair peice you
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Ordered when drunk
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It actually looks
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Like a nest
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It was cheap
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But had highlights
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But they were
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an olive green
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Perfect for Shrek
-
To see her
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the donkey, the cat and
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Lord Arquart the
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Ugly wee aristocrat ;D
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But with plenty
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of grey stallions
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In the stables
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Getting ready for
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King Charles’s coronation 🤴
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Pomp, Circumstance, March 8)
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Won't be watching :-X
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;D
when is it :-\
-
This year sometime ;D ;D
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Not next month? :-\
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Yes,waste of
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Cake if you
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Ask me,I'd
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Want a refund
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Got better things
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to bore me
-
Like watching a
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Snail wriggle into
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Some garlic butter ;D
-
Gets him randy ;D
-
the lady snails
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Twirl around on
-
Their slippery shells
-
Trying to seduce
-
Him,but he
-
can never get
-
Viagra to work :o ;D
-
Never mind. A
-
good session with
-
Sex therapist should :o
-
be totally boring
-
for the therapist
-
Every day,the
-
same types of difficulties
-
He needs a hobby 🤔
-
I-spy perhaps?
-
Or skateboarding with
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His favourite new
-
mollusc friend who
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Is skilled at
-
Sticking to rocks
-
watching the tides
-
And avoiding seagulls 😲
-
He's a master
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At ducking and
-
getting under the
-
kelp. Long strands
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Get tangled in
-
His toes, which
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Causes athlete’s foot 🦶 :o
-
and the vet
-
has his paring knife
-
from the drawer
-
Which contains biscuits 🍪
-
Rich Tea?
-
Don't think so
-
Dog biscuits for
-
dunking in sherry
-
On Friday afternoons
-
with feet up
-
Watching out for
-
Those seagulls that
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Pinch your chips
-
;D
give 'em a smack
-
Give ‘em back! >:(
-
their fluffy slippers
-
Left behind after
-
running through the grass
-
Being chased by
-
A pair of swans :o
-
They look very
-
Scruffy now though
-
With mud in
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Between their webbed
-
feet. Come here!
-
Oops, they slipped.
-
Damned banana 🍌 skin....
-
Sore bum now. 😪
-
Will have to
-
find the Savlon
-
Rub on botty 😬
-
Say what now? :o
-
Say what now? :o
:rofl: oh dear C.C., it has gone a bit awry ;D. To recap.......
The vet was chased by 2 mad swans and he slipped on a banana skin (of course he did), hurting his butt. Bring on the savlon to massage into said butt. ;D
Blimey, what are we like? :o
-
confused.dot.meno
-
Take his man
-
No,he's all
-
snuggled into a duvet
-
Smelling of lenor ;D
-
oh no he isn't ;D
smelling of Lenor = him or his duvet?
-
Him,he rubs :o
-
The blue liquid
-
On his feet
-
Twice a day
-
For any reason?
-
Yes,to make
-
his skin ready
-
For his massage
-
ready for the Marathon
-
Edinburgh half marathon 🏃
-
Too far for me :D
-
Hop, skip, jump. ;D
-
:rofl:
like this :hapij:
-
Think I'll walk
-
through the woods
-
Pitch a tent
-
Light a fire
-
And get my
-
Rubies out to
-
Show all the
-
Farmers,see if
-
run when the
-
Shot gun blasts.
-
Pheasant pie anyone?
-
[we've been here B4] :D
cold with chips
-
Then off on
-
Holidays to Serengeti 🦏
-
Can't wait to
-
See all the
-
cute baby hippos
-
Shall we travel
-
With mosquito nets? 🤔
-
Yes,we don't
-
want Malaria, but
-
I'm not keen :-\
-
Skiing holiday then?
-
I'll sit and watch
-
From the bar
-
with chocolate milk shake
-
Noooooo, champagne and
-
I'll chat up
-
The ski instructor
-
That's a yeti :o
-
No,he's just
-
A bit hairy ;D
-
;D ;D
Well,we could
-
use the clippers
-
on his feet?
-
Don't touch his..... :o
-
::) face because the
-
sunscreen is sticky
-
And that will
-
drip, drip, drip
-
On the new
-
Lambourghni purple bonnet
-
Then he'll really
-
Get annoyed, it
-
takes lots of polish ;D. [that's a purple Lamborghini, with lilac-coloured carpets and grey material with a thin lilac stripe through it ........ not leather!]
-
And elbow grease
-
what's that about?
-
Blinkin' hard work!
-
But it needs
-
a gentle buff
-
On his delicate
-
Rear bumper,so
-
where’s the cloth
-
Start polishing now
-
Before the neighbour
-
Calls the cops
-
He hates when
-
The feather duster
-
Sticks to his
-
His exhaust pipe ;D
-
It gets stiff
-
And then droops :(
-
Let’s go and
-
Bounce on the
-
Vinyl Sun roof
-
Be careful in
-
Those shoes though
-
You might get
-
A stiletto in
-
A place you
-
Cant see and
-
Causing a nasty
-
bruise, scar and
-
Scab. Don't pick
-
It or it
-
Will weep and
-
Bleed. Got any
-
ice-cream? Vanilla?
-
Will that help?
-
Yep. Soothing. Calming.
-
For the nerves
-
And sore throat
-
Get some VitD
-
From oily fish 🐟
-
:-X :( - no thanks!
-
The omega 3
-
is good for us?
-
Good for bones.
-
So they don't
-
Collapse when you
-
sit on the deckchair
-
With knickers showing ;D
-
To the lifeguards 😲
-
Who will laugh
-
And want to
-
Take photos of
-
the sand castles
-
That were built
-
To hide the
-
Seaweed that keeps
-
Getting between my :o
-
My cleavage when
;D Fat chance
-
I swim with
-
Bottle nosed dolphins 🐬
-
Like a mermaid 🧜♀️
-
But sometimes I
-
Catch my tail
-
which splits and hurts :'(
-
like a bugger
-
really ;D
like a ?
-
where’s the ⛑️
-
in the shed
-
Next to the
-
wild flower seed packet
-
Get an elastoplast
-
what U done :o
-
Fell,hurt my
-
left little finger :o
-
Attempting to breakdance :o
-
:lol: or maybe Limbo?
-
I must've looked
-
Amazing with my
-
shorts; t-shirt and
-
Sling back wellies (Billy Connolly ;D )
-
Yellow banana shaped
-
hairgrip keeping my
-
Golden locks in
-
My 60s beehive
-
Needs a trim
-
use dagging shears
-
🙀 My sheep’s horrified 🐑
-
trembling wildly and
-
Trying to run
-
into the hills
-
To meet up with
-
the shepherd's dog
-
To train for…..
-
One man and......(I'm showing my age)
-
wish you were here :whist:
-
his dog that
-
Programme used to
-
be Oh So Repetitive ;D
-
And lacking excitement :gym:
-
Not if you
-
Wear fancy dress 🤔
-
like big bird!
-
With a yellow
-
Tailfeather and a
-
pink glittery boa ;D
-
;D
-
Just like Elton ;D
-
giving it large!! 8) ;)
-
Like a rocketman 👨🚀
-
Or major Tom :D
-
In smart uniform
-
colourful platform shoes
-
Ready to party 🎉
-
But first he
-
needs a bath
-
to wash away
-
all the glitter
-
that's sticking to
-
OH! dare I ask ;D
-
he doesn't like...
-
to shower on
-
the beach front
-
because he hates
-
shower cubicles: gross
-
So he goes
-
to the pool
-
with his soap
-
and scrubs his..
-
Feet so that
-
they are perfection
-
and not dirty
-
Between his toes 🤢
-
was a freckle
-
it was red
-
white and blue
-
big and puffy
-
and suddenly popped
-
Pus squirting everywhere
-
🤢
Who's going to
-
Mop it up? 😬
-
Phone the cleaner
-
Definitely not me 😁
-
Cleaner’s on strike
-
Phone the agency
-
I’ve tried but
-
They told me
-
there's none available
-
They’ve joined the….
-
Strike so I’ll
-
Just leave it
-
To go crusty :rofl:
-
It might drop
-
Into the soup
-
;D
It'll taste like
-
a smelly cheese
-
Like danish blue? 🤢
-
lovely on toast
-
Or in a
-
long french stick
-
With red wine
-
In the Languedoc ;)
-
lovely historical region
-
With lots of
-
Lazy hazy days
-
And sexy Frenchmen ;D
-
In your dreams ;)
-
we have a thread here ;D.
-
Sewing machine needed 🤔
-
Feeling stitched up :)
-
Employ a lawyer ;D
-
Or a hitman? ;D
-
Alfred Hitchcock's fab 👌
-
But don't want
-
To go Psycho
-
because I’ve got
-
Fear of showers 🫣
-
Take a bath
-
Warm towel waiting
-
To wrap around
-
My fragrant skin
-
Also, a very
-
Luxurious body cream
-
Feeling so relaxed
-
Feet up. Dozing .........
-
And dreaming of
-
🎼 “A White Christmas”
-
Nooooo,not the "C" word songbird 😩😩😩😩
And sexy Santa ;D
-
:rofl:
Better cool down
-
Jingle Bells, jingle bells
In the snow
-
I'm leaving this forum if you two start on c*******s
It will melt
-
:rofl:
I've got jingle bells as an ear worm >:(
like ice cream
-
:rofl:
Running down my chin
-
And onto my :o
-
:o. Oh do tell ;D
-
new white shorts
-
such a shame :'(
-
And it’s chocolate-chip 😲
-
salted, cold water
-
Prefer a coffee
-
With some drambuie :D
-
And after-eight mint 😋
-
more mess then ;D
-
Well worth it ;D
-
Buy a bib? ;D
-
Or eat naked! ;)
-
then skinny dip?
-
To wash off
-
all the evidence
-
Because the FBI
-
watch closely and
-
last week they
-
Spied on me
-
skinny dipping without
-
Big girl pants 🩲
-
Sight for sore eyes
-
Especially when my
-
long distance specs
-
Have fallen in
-
the sewer pipe
-
Now I can't
-
Stand the smell :o
-
Holding my breath
-
Peg on my :o ;D
-
Cute button nose
-
can’t breathe now
-
I'm turning blue
-
Like a Smurf ;D
-
;D. that dates us
-
Speak for yourself! ( but yes. I am of that era!)
-
I'm young and
-
Wild at heart
-
Only feel 27
-
Where’s that mini-skirt? :o ;D
-
Leopard print one? ;D
-
What's new pussycat?
-
“🎼woah woah woah”
Sir Tom Jones
-
I've got an ear worm now ;D
Sir Tom Jones
Green Welsh Valleys
-
With woolly jumpers 🐑
-
And fit shepherds ;D
-
Holding their crooks
-
Is that a euphemism clkd ;D
Whilst they herd
-
It is in my filthy mind ;)
An angel singing
-
Nowt to do with me ;D
'herd' - 'singing' ::) ;D
The Pearl Fishers Duet
-
Geez, CLKD, I had to Google Pearl Fishers Duet :o ;D
“Where’s me opera glasses?”
-
Nooooooooo not opera
-
I prefer pantomime ;D🧞♂️
-
Songbird - what did U think? Give opera a chance. There are many I wouldn't bother with i.e. Wagner ::). But La Boheme has some lovely duets and arias in.
On No you Don't ;D I think when 'stars' became involved in Panto the whole heart went out of the Shows. Because the songs had to be added into the story lines >:(.
What was the question ;D
Brahms lullaby
-
You’ll maybe not believe this, CLKD, but I performed “Caro Mio Ben” (an aria - in Italian if you please! ;D) for my higher/A level music - oh yes I did ::). Just call me “Mezzo soprano Songbird” :rofl:
Now where were we? :o
Brahms Lullaby. - Great for insomnia 😴
-
Beethoven's 5th ........ the Lion sleeps tonight, not ;D
-
Aaaaaaaaagggggaaaaaa do do do ;D
-
Da da da (was that not a Police song?) ;D ;D
-
;D How dare you ruin my song songbird
Shake pineapple,push ;D
-
Songbird I am so jealous!
I often warble along to opera, but without fail I can never make the high notes on Care Mio! I start to high I think and by the time so reach that note I am commuted to failure... Beethovens 7th for me, or anything on the cello. Then chuck in the Pogues just to mix things up a bit.
Following on from Jaypos classic...
Shake Rattle Roll
-
:ola: :bouncing:
-
;)
Shake Rattle & Roll - 🎺. Back to the future (Loved that film 🍿)
-
Looking towards
Cmas ;D
-
Just another day (bah humbug)
-
I raise your Bah Humbug with...
Peppermint Candy Canes!🎄
-
Rose Turkish Delight
-
:sick02:
After eight mints. (A must at Christmas ;))
-
:sick02: like wise ;D
Eight arms - octopus :o
-
And three hearts 😲
-
Give extra love
-
Because that's a
-
Lot of love ❤️
-
For Mrs Octopus 🐙
-
To share around
-
He's got eight
-
Thousand pounds and
-
Lots of hatchlings ;D
-
Which he has
-
To feed and
-
Buy lots of
-
pairs of socks ( all those tentacles to keep warm!)
-
;D
Because they get
-
Frozen in cold
-
freezers = calamari
-
Texture like rubber :sick02:
-
Squeaks like Halloumi?
Mmm..cheese...
-
Halloumi not Halloween
-
Not keen on
-
All those skeletons
-
Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones :whist: that dates me and now you'll have an ear worm ;D
-
Bones. Star Trek.
And that ages me as in the original star trek from 70's??
-
:lol:
Trek - scenery
-
Through beautiful green
-
Pastures; Jersey cows
-
Such beautiful creatures
-
With their long
-
tongues to lick nostrils :-X
-
And snot, they :sick02:
-
Are quite disgusting ;D
-
R U jealous
-
Only because I
-
Can't stick my ;D
-
Finger in my :stupid:
-
Nose,because it's
-
Full of hairs. :D
-
I need to
-
Get the tweezers :o
-
OOOUCH! Oh NO
-
Ive pulled a
-
muscle in my thumb :o
-
Look what's on it :o
-
A Dorcas thimble
-
How did that :o
-
last from Victorian times
-
Because they stuck
-
to embroidery and
-
Didn't have Netflix... ;D
-
They sang alot
-
round the piano
-
Singing like a
-
Drunken witch with
-
Songs of magic
-
And wonder. Will
-
you be going
-
Only if i
-
Can find someone
-
To carry my
-
Secret chocolate stash
-
Not looking likely
-
Why? Is it
-
All gone? Who
-
Stuffed their face? :o
-
I blame elves!
-
Yes,they're nasty
-
Little buggers. They've
-
also stolen my
-
Fairy for the
-
Wand waving duties
-
He's got it. 😡
-
Elves. Tea Leaves ( rhyming slang for thieves)
As a foot note I was an elf in the Brownies! But am sure I was a nice elf....
-
(We've only got your word for that Sarah 😂)
They once took
-
Off on holiday
Hey. Us Elves don't lie Jaypo!
-
OHHHH YES THEY DOOOOOO!
;D
With their entourage
-
To sunny climes
-
Let's follow them. 👍
-
Yes,pack your
-
Picnic and expectations
-
And follow the
-
The crafty little
-
ones to the
-
Land of makebelieve. ( anyone fancy a bucks fizz ;D)
-
Makin your mind UPPPPP🤣
And see what
-
Large one plz. 🍹
They're doing with
-
the new tiles
-
in the bathroom
-
They're making them
-
From stolen jewels
-
They're my rubies!
-
You’re stinking rich 💷
-
Only fake darling. ;D
-
I actually have
-
hardly any money
-
Want some from
-
my employer but
-
He said I'd
-
He better off
-
Asking the secretary
-
But she's a
-
Cow, she won't
-
even speak to
-
Me. Will you
-
Put her in
-
The wheelie bin
-
With the photocopier
-
That’s sorted then
-
She won't bother
-
Us anymore. ....Let's
-
Have a shindig 🕺🥂🥳
-
👋 Songbird.
Ohh let's. It's
-
👋 Jill…
Nearly Santa Time 🎅🏼 ;D
-
get to Costco
-
Bring your van :drunk:
-
Because I've a
-
Thought. We'll fill
-
it with New Year cards
-
And big boxes
-
for the rubbish
-
Then we’ll sell
-
Everything at a
-
Black Friday sale
-
We've a problem. :-\
-
Van isn't large enough ?
-
No, my credit
-
is looking dodgy ?
-
Think I've overspent
-
OH what on :-\
-
Xmas decorations and
-
tinfoil, baking sheets
-
She's not cooking? :barf:
-
Nope: DH = Chef ;)
-
That's good. Her
-
bottled water fizzes
-
Over onto the
-
Beautiful,brand new
-
range cooker that
-
Cost a packet.
-
You'd better start
-
Driving a taxi
-
AND pole dancing?? ;D
-
Not again, last
-
year: no money
-
But THIS year
-
Solar lights everywhere 8)
-
They'll show my
-
snowflakes are sparkling
-
In my knickers. :oops:
-
That's WIND Girl: wind :-X
-
Oooops. Your right! :oops:
-
Better out than in :D
-
Not in your case ;D
-
Where: my suitcase :o
-
Yes, its locked
-
And the key
-
is down my bra
-
Who dares put
-
ice cubes down :o
-
Their winter socks
-
oh no they won't ;D
-
But I will
-
knit balaclava scarves
-
To stop icicles
-
On ears, nose, eyelashes
-
What about the tootsies?
-
Big pair of
-
Grandma's knickers will
-
Do the trick
-
Big enough for
-
To cover huge
-
Bunions and nails
-
Call the podiatrist!
-
She’s in Barbados
-
Getting a pedicure ::)
-
By a gorgeous
-
bottle nosed dolphin
-
Can they give pedicures??
Look at how
-
they nudge toes ;D
and probably they can :D
-
And bite off
-
the top of
-
a coconut shell
-
We use them
-
For bras because
-
;D
birds' water freezes [in them]
-
And they’re recyclable ::)
-
Husband uses them
-
in his garage
-
To keep his 😂
-
nuts and bolts
-
Free from rust (God forbid - rusty nuts :sick02:)
-
😂
Just as well
-
:rofl:
-
Her bra is
-
Bigger than coconuts.
-
And less dangerous ?
-
Not when her
-
Chicken fillets are
-
In there,she
-
Has never had
-
Sage stuffing :o because…..
-
it causes burps
-
And smelly farts. :beaurk:
That's how I look when I've an upset stomach. :yes: :yes:
-
Open all windows?
-
Yes,before we
-
Decorate the tree
-
Put on lights
-
Mine don't work >:( [more shopping tomorrow ::) ]
-
Will have to
-
Change the plug
-
Check the fuse? 🤔
-
Bought new lights
-
But they look
-
a funny colour
-
not that blue?
-
Nope. Boring beige >:(
-
We'll have to
-
Bling things up
-
Get some sparkly
-
Sequins and feathers
-
Feathers = fly tying
-
Need pledge to
-
Decorate the tree….
-
after the party.
-
Whose putting the
-
Fairy on top?
-
Joe Bloggs is
-
The cheapest option ;D
-
Why don't we
-
do a cruise
-
No lifeboats available
-
"Oh yes there are" ;)
-
But they've holes. :stupid:
-
"On no they haven't" .......... :whist:
-
I fixed it
-
With MDF and nails?
-
Scooshy cream and….
-
OUCH! that hurt !
-
Not THAT hole :worm:
-
Which one then
-
both of those
-
Are you sure
-
They're winking at
-
the workmen with
-
They're twisted eyes. 🤪
-
Too much :drunk: ?
-
And builders bum :sick02:
-
He's wearing a
-
Mankini but it
-
Looks quite good. :love:
-
The sequinned gusset :o
-
Matches his eyes. :rofl:
-
Blame the buckfast ::)
-
Why. Is it
-
Christmas Eve tomorrow
-
Mulled wine time :drunk:
-
G&T for me
-
Baileys with extra
-
ice, chocolates and
-
Sprinkles, squirty cream
-
washing up now
-
Hands are sore
-
hand cream required?
-
Soak them in
-
warm, soft, bubbles
-
Then apply lots
-
of healing honey
-
from our 🐝
-
Beekeeping suit needed
-
Looks really sexy
-
Especially with those
-
I thought that you were on holiday ;D -
those : wire mesh helmets
-
One's got through
-
And stung my 😫
-
nether regions, but...
-
Johnny Depp will...... (where on earth did that come from! :o)
-
:rofl: run like a greyhound
-
I was thinking more like - “Johnny Depp will”………………”suck out the poison” :hapij: ;D
-
that's found our level ;D
not whisky then ?
-
to assist me ;D
(assuming 'run like a greyhound' was the last set of 3, I'm thinking it was ;D)
-
In supermarket sweep ;D
-
That's sweeping a floor ?
-
Yes, I love
-
shaking a duster
-
And my tailfeather :lol:
-
Fluttering away like
-
A painted lady 🦋
-
Signs of Summer
-
With Johnny Depp ;D
-
Rather have the wolves
-
For my tea
-
I'm having a
-
Black Forest Gateaux
-
With Brothers Grimm
-
All 3 of them?
-
🤚. One is allergic
-
Has writer's block
-
And a rash :oops:
-
but, don’t worry
-
Just give him
-
a gentle massage
-
No,he'll get
-
embarrassed and turn
-
His builders bum ;D
-
Towards all the
-
Hospital admin staff ;D
-
But they just
-
Reported him to
-
The Buttocks Consultant. :yipi:
-
:lol:
with a long needle
-
Ready to use. :cuss:
-
A quick scratch :-\
-
Will feel nowt
-
I'd better not
-
see the Consultant
-
He's a sadist :poke2:
-
He stuck a
-
cocktail stick into cheese :o
-
Then up his
-
stick of celery :o
-
He put a
-
green olive in
-
His pocket so
-
he can bribe
-
Anyone who wants
-
A shaken martini
-
with ice and
-
A Bond lookalike
-
Car he can
-
Buckle up and
-
Speed off in. 🚙
-
Italian Lakes, Milan
-
for designer clothes
-
And Nonna’s lasagne
-
With chips and
-
a nice chianti
-
And fava beans 🫣 ;D
-
They make me
-
Trump like a...
-
Brass band that's ;D
-
Why I'll stick
-
My big pants
-
Just in case
-
Need to be
-
Black ones though
-
with charcoal layers
-
For serious leaks 😩
-
The neighbour has
-
Sexy frilly ones
-
I saw them :o
-
In her handbag :o
-
Beside her buckfast ;D
-
She had a
-
Quick swig before
-
She chatted that
-
she needed to
-
See someone about
-
her broadband because
-
No-one likes a
-
Broken one, never
-
before has this
-
Been so bad.
-
It's about time
-
She traded her
-
Very old laptop
-
In for a
-
Johnny Depp lookalike 🫢
-
(Yes please,especially the Sauvage ad 😛)
But then he
-
fell ill and
-
Sent Quasimodo instead :(
-
Let's draw straws.
-
But what if
-
I have my
-
Way and cheat.
-
I'm telling Emma :yes:
-
She’s on holiday
-
So you can
-
Get away with….
-
It. If you're
-
Really clever,you
-
can use the
-
Cunning cheats app 😏
-
From App Store?
-
No, black market.
-
Much cheaper there ;D
-
Free coffee too. ;D
-
And a kitkat
-
Is it decaf?
-
No,but it
-
Does contain whisky
-
Eeeow I don't
-
Like whisky. Can
-
I have tequila?🤔
-
With an umbrella
-
I’m afraid not
-
With a cherry?
-
Nope,you can
-
Have a straw
-
And suck it :o (naughty Songbird) ;D
-
;D
Slowly and steady
-
wins the race
-
Like a tortoise 🐢
-
On steroids,look ;D
-
at the speed!
-
Talk about speedy!
-
He's very popular
-
with the seagulls
-
They like to
-
Hitch a ride
-
On his shell
-
Real speed freaks
-
Like Jeremy Clarkson
-
When he drives
-
His turbocharged tractor 🚜
-
Annoying the neighbours ;D
Do you watch clarrksons farm too songbird ;D
-
And scarily stripping 😄
-
Annoying the neighbours ;D
Do you watch clarrksons farm too songbird ;D
I do indeed, Jaypo 👍
Down to his......
-
Leather thong 🤢 but
-
He bent forward :barf:
-
and it went
-
Flying into a
-
Plate of curry. ;D
-
Pass the poppadoms ;D
-
Really? Even with
-
all you’ve eaten
-
Wearing that thong. ;D
-
Clothes won’t fit
-
Join slimming world
-
Or get some
-
Veg in you. ;)
-
rather have cake
-
With scooshy cream ;D
-
And some nice
-
Chocolate flakes on
-
but I’m dieting
-
Why? You look
-
God damn fabulous 👌
-
You could be
-
upset though later
-
not diocalm please 🥴
-
No the other
-
One that helps
-
You to stop
-
Flapping your gums
-
And flashing your
-
Tongue piercing at
-
Anyone who will
-
take any notice
-
But it's sore
-
Her tongue has
-
Resembled a lizard's 😲
-
After she saw
-
Avatar’s Sigourney Weaver
-
Who had played
-
With aliens and
-
Her tummy exploded 😲
-
Because she'd eaten
-
An egg with
-
8 slices toast
-
Yolk everywhere, it
-
made a mess
-
All over her
-
Golden Academy Award :oops:
-
Now she'll have
-
To explain herself
-
To the King
-
Got any wipes
-
Just incase he
-
Has an allergic
-
Reaction to the
-
Snotty egg🤢 if
-
he starts running
-
To the loo
-
Then we'll know
-
the culprit and
-
And he'll have
-
Extra pants available
-
just in case
-
Some have holes
-
Where he ripped
-
them at the
-
Cowboy riding club
-
A bulls horn 😳🤣
-
Caught the elastic 😂
-
Sent him flying ;D
-
Into a bush
-
Ruined the bush
-
And his toupee
-
Now he looks
-
a right mess
-
Never mind, let's
-
Give the toupee
-
A perm, it'll
-
Need some highlights 🤔
-
(Nice to have you back songbird :) )
Lovely pink ones?
-
I’m thinking orange?
-
Nice to be back Jaypo x
"I'm thinking orange" - with silver tips
-
He'll look like
-
a million dollars
-
With extensions too.
-
On his bungalow
-
He's also got
-
A talking parrot
-
That swears like 😲
-
Jillydoll,it needs ;D ;D
-
It’s mouth washing
-
;D. I never swear, no need for it! :whist:
With liquor, he
-
Likes a tipple
-
Or ten, ...then
-
The birdie dance
-
then he finds
-
A woman to :o ;D
-
Order around, he's
-
very bossy and
-
Thinks he can
-
Click his fingers
-
And she'll come
-
running but not
-
Anymore, she's seen
-
A new bloke
-
Who's her toyboy :parti:
-
He's very fit.
-
half her age
-
But she doesn't
-
Regularly floss and
-
Has bad breath.
-
So when she
-
Kisses him, he
-
Holds his nose 😲
-
She asks why
-
And he says
-
"Don't like chanel"
-
It smells like
-
Pine toilet cleaner
-
You should buy
-
A wooden clothespeg
-
Stick it on
-
Your nipple piercing :yes:
-
For belly-dancing competition :veil:
-
He won a
-
Gold medal for
-
the backstroke when
-
A giant jellyfish
-
Stung him on
-
His tiddler, he, :-[
-
Sobbed, bit embarrassing
-
Going to the
-
Sore tiddlers group
-
Who will take
-
Him,he hasn't
-
Got any transport
-
Once there, they'll
-
Have to show
-
The winky dimensions
-
Some big, some
-
Like a German sausage 😲
Who says I'm "winky focused" :rofl:
-
(You need help ;D ;D )
What use is
-
this new vacuum
-
It only blows :o ;D
-
When it should...
-
Noooooo, I'm not going there. :neutral:........I'll only blush. :rofl:
Play a tune. ........... :lol:
-
Not like you to miss an opportunity like that Jillydoll 😂🤣
A musical vacuum?
-
Yes, latest craze
-
Makes work better
-
You can sing
-
Shake your tailfeather ;D
-
and it copies
-
All your moves.
-
Whilst sucking up
-
To the hubby.
-
He's so needy :whist:
-
Gets in the
-
Way of my
-
Dancing, he likes
-
To do ballet 🩰 (bit like myself ;D )
-
:o ;D
But his tights
-
Keep falling down. ;D
-
So he used
-
Braces to hold
-
His teeth steady
-
Because as he
-
Has NHS dentist
-
She told him
-
How to put
-
His teeth in
-
A glass by
-
His bed at
-
His holiday home (whaaaat?! I’ve lost the plot again ;D)
-
In Outer Mongolia
(You've lost the plot 😂)?
-
Likes peace so
-
He can meditate
-
and do reki
-
He’s so chilled
-
Now that he
-
Removed his vest
-
from his neighbour’s
-
Washing line,they
-
Have reported him 😲
-
To the string
-
police who will
-
Then get their
-
Measuring tape out
-
and start to
-
Cause great embarrassment :o
-
When they measure
-
His cod piece (I'm obsessed, I am ;D)
-
;D
It’s very big. :o
-
But he hasn't
-
Changed it for
-
a smaller model
-
He's hoping he'll
-
Grow into it :o
-
By the time
-
tomorrow comes he’ll
-
Two inches bigger :o
-
How did he
-
Do that when
-
It normally takes
-
A multitude of
-
of tablets and
-
Potions to get
-
It back to
-
Tip top form
-
But instead he
-
What ARE we talking about ;D
Tied a weight
-
Do try and keep up, Jaypo ;D ;D..We're referring to the contents of his cod piece :rofl:
And pulled it
-
and finally success
-
What a whopper :o :rofl:
-
Not big mac? :o ;D
-
🤣😂 🍆 ;D
No,bigger Mac
-
He’s so proud
-
Of it now
-
Uses tape to
-
To stick it
-
to the wall
-
A stunning artwork ???
-
It’s no Banksy
-
More like a
-
Chimp's tea party
-
With alligator guests
-
anyway, bad news
-
One of the
-
Main characters has
-
decided to leave
-
So now they'll
-
Have to improvise
-
How though, what
-
Will replace a
-
Person like that. (No idea what we’re talking about)
-
No idea Littleminnie ;D
How about Boris?
-
Nope,me neither ;D
Becker or Johnson?
-
Thinking more Karloff
-
Egyptian Mummy Imhotep
Ooh, love a horror film, me 😱
-
She was in
-
A big pyramid
-
Surrounded by the
-
Gnomes who were
-
Waiting for a
-
delivery from Amazon
-
They'd ordered some
-
Fancy garden tools
-
To spruce their
-
little beer garden
-
Looks amazing now
-
They have put
-
A marquee up
-
And fitted some
-
beer pumps plus
-
A false floor
-
To trick the
-
Eyes, makes you
-
fall over and
-
And feel dizzy
-
But the DJ
-
Plays psychedelic tunes
-
The overall effect's
-
Are like you’ve
-
Had shots galore
-
Better go onto
-
The kitchen and
-
Get the paracetamol
-
I’ve got a
-
Big boil on
-
My ass, it’s
-
Ready to explode :o
-
I can't sit
-
Or walk, I
-
Need Elasticated trousers :o
-
and a nappy
-
For when it
-
Is eventually lanced :sick02:
-
That's gonna hurt
-
But Dr Pimple
-
Popper will soon
-
Squeeze that bugger :sick02:
-
Get all the 🤢🤢🤢
-
Rancid puss out. 🤣
-
And apply some
-
TLC and all
-
Should be better
-
For my party 🥳
-
Can I come?
-
:yes:
It's fancy dress :hapij:
-
Vicars and tarts?
-
Great. I’ll find
-
the kitchen sink
-
and soak my
-
Cassock and collar. (I’m going as a vicar - I’m a tart every other day!) :rofl:
-
;D
Can’t find my
-
Boob tube though
-
Look in the
-
Poodle's dog basket 🧺
-
He’s the culprit
-
He took it
-
And now he's
-
Wanting sparkly hotpants :o
-
He’s so demanding
-
But we'd better
-
Call the psychiatrist
-
He’s off on