Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: Poppi on November 15, 2018, 10:35:59 PM
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Not sure if this is the right board to post, sorry if it's not. I've really more than upset my husband and would like some other views about it. Basically my husband's “little†brother (he's 50) is and always has been spoilt. He's having a bit of a tantrum right now as for the first time ever my husband is not giving in to him. I've known the brother has been spoilt all our married life but Mr P wouldn't listen (what I've put up with over the last 40 years is a lot!!) Finally husband has seen him as he really is, but me and my big mouth told him tonight he should be putting more pressure on little brother to get in touch so they can make the choice which has caused the disagreement.
I do feel bad as it seems like I'm saying my husband is too soft but this is not going to get resolved without them discussing it. He's frightened little brother looses his temper (so?) Goodness, I don't know what to do.
Poppi x
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What I mean is how do I keep my mouth shut? My husband says he doesn't believe me as I've said that before and can't keep to my word (I want to mean it this time)
Poppi x
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Hello Poppi
Just seen your post.
If I have something important to say and want to be taken seriously, I make an appointment to see the person, even if it is a family member.
I very rarely have disagreements with my husband of 20 years but occasionally it happens of course.
I think I would say “I need to talk to you. Can we sit down at 4pm with no interruptions to discuss this matter?â€
It sounds silly but fixing a time and the anticipation of that gives a seriousness to the situation.
It might work well in your case as it will be different to what you have done before.
Then make your points super calmly and if possible without getting upset or angry. Then stick to whatever you say and try not to keep talking about it.
This strategy works well with my family and also at work!
I hope the situation sorts itself out. It's hard to change things when people have behaved in a certain way all their lives. But it's not impossible xxx
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Oh dear poppi bit like you I'm afraid,should bite my tongue sometimes but can't & it comes out more aggressively than meant.
My husband has been walked over in the past but if like mine your husband is a gentle man it can be difficult for them to be tough in certain cases,don't forget a lot of men don't fret as much as us women.
With my husband it was his spoiled brat of a daughter (who's in her 20s) seemed she only loved her dad when he was handing out to her,always scared she would have a tantrum,like you,I said,let her have a tantrum,what's the problem,I'd have soon told her😂 anyway at long last he HAS stood up to her & yes,she had a huge hissy fit but guess 'what'she has now accepted it and all is calm.
Can you not discuss your feelings calmly with lovely husband?
Life truly is too short for hassle. I wish you all the best,keep us informed xx
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Thank you both for your thoughtful replies. Yes Jaypo he is gentle but not prepared to speak it over yet. I'm hoping time will calm him down.
Poppi x
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Mine hates confrontation! It took years for him to realise that his brother is a control freak. Gentle nudges when it happened were enough as well as asking DH to watch his brother to verify my stories. [long story short]. Eventually DH realised and now we do things for us, not 4 his brother.
You have said your bit. Let your husband dwell. We don't know the history that brought our partners to this point with regard relatives. They also have the habit of burying their heads ::)
Maybe in a few days ask him "Do you think it's wise to ignore your brother's attitude or does this need sorting some other way?"
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Hi Poppi,
I can sympathise, I have a much younger sister and I'm a bit like your husband. I hate making waves and hate confrontation but I'm an expert at moaning to my husband about the situation. My husband and I are always at war over it, well over everything atm.
I was going to start a new thread with the heading ‘Am I being reasonable' as I have several situations in my life over which I have no control but which I find increasingly intolerable. I don't know if it's me being a fool though.
I hope you and your husband manage to sort this out. These disputes rarely resolve themselves and inmy experience get worse over the years and invariably then there is a massive argument 😞
Good luck, keep us posted x
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Did you talk with him yet?
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Any news?
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Hi
Agreed to call a truce. DH and bro need to decide on something re their late father's estate (father in law passed away this year) and I'm worried bro will suit himself and decide with no further contact with DH. Can't say too much as you will understand.
Poppi x
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Regardless who is Executor, they need to sit down with a Solicitor for advice. This will also diffuse the situation.
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Exactly! Bro is law unto himself, too complex to say more but I think nobody has stood up to him before this and he is throwing toys at DH (as well as out of his pram!)
We had a chat (I listened for once) just now and no rows so I feel he's forgiven me, thank goodness 😅
Poppi x
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That's good news.
Hope everything works out OK for you.
Lanzalover x
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I find that if I 'say my piece' then sit back, DH tends to be more aware. Otherwise I feel that I'm nagging over old ground ::).
Any doubts on your husband's part, off to a Solicitor!
R U OK?
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I'm fine thanks. Retirement is like the menopause :beat: :clapping: you can't prepare for it, it takes getting used to and rarely is what you expected 💥 at least I have darling grandson visiting soon! He's now 4 months old and the sweetest, most gorgeous little human being!
Poppi x
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Oh we prepared ;D it's an extension of our hobbies where work got in the way :D
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Hehe 😉 !!
We moved nearly 300 miles to be nearer to family mainly. We love that part, especially now baby Poppi is here but I felt terribly homesick until I got to know people. That said, I have made some wonderful new friends in our new home.
We have argued so much, but I think that's because we are together 24/7 some days. To balance our time separately is so important - that surprised me. Then menopause hit big time. But, I found a very understanding GP (still miss my wonderful GP from before ☹️) so I know I'm lucky.
Hopefully little brother will soon be out of the picture, as he has caused so much heartache-thankfully he lives just far enough away not to be a bigger nuisance.
Here I am ranting again, sorry. No early morning tomorrow and we'll have bacon sandwiches instead of porridge :party: :party:
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Did U get your bacon sandwich ?
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:) absolutely and with brown sauce !!
Poppi x
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;D