Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => New Members => Topic started by: Halfpint on March 21, 2016, 01:38:54 PM
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Hi Everyone,
I have been reading this forum a lot and it has helped me tremendously but I have a new symptom and wondered if anyone else suffers with this?
I have always been a bubbly person that likes a laugh and a joke but lately, I feel over sensitive about everything. I seem to be taking things people say to me personally whereas my old self would just laugh it off. I find myself unable to sleep and going over such petty little things in my mind.
I have friends that I have known for years but lately, if they say something I take it personally and stew over it. I also have a very close friend who in all the years of our friendship has never done anything to annoy or upset me yet lately, things she says annoy or upset me and I stew over that as well or feel a sense of paranoia.
Hoping I am not alone in this feeling...and that it is indeed yet another peri menopause symptom and not something else?
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As we age some of us don't take any more crap ;D - so little issues that we have put up with for years suddenly become irritants.
I had an acquaintance who upset me a couple of years ago, I can hardly be sociable since ……… every time I see her I remember her words :-\
However, I am much better at speaking up for myself and have learnt to say 'no' to most things without giving it much thought! that way I don't jump in and regret it.
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This is another way that anxiety manifests itself. You're in a hyper alert state so your mind is being tricked into thinking a problem exists when it doesn't and, hence, you're looking for solutions by over analysing everything.
I'm a psychotherapist and for non-hormonal anxiety we can rationalise this away but when our hormones are over stimulating our neurotransmitters it is tricky to talk it down. Knowing its hyper stimulation can help though so you can learn to ignore it and distract yourself. Breathing exercises and hypnosis can all help but when you're dealing with the CNS, as opposed to the thought driven part of your brain, it is more physical than psychological. However, we can stop the anxiety about the anxiety by accepting it and, hopefully, correcting it by rebalancing your hormones.
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:thankyou:
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Thanks Dangermouse that is very helpful as I have suffered with anxiety since childhood and it has manifested itself in many different forms but since I had my children over 16 years ago, I developed Health Anxiety which has increased dramatically in menopause.
I have never taken medication or had any CBT for my anxiety but I have read a lot of books on it and I know that I have to rationalise it and in most instances, I can..I try not to let it beat me.
It's very interesting to me what you have written as yes, it would appear as if this is just another way my anxiety is manifesting itself. One thing that was on my mind was something someone I work with had said to me on Friday..I had sleepless nights all weekend worrying it over and yet today at work, everything was fine and I feel lighter and am thinking I might just get a decent night sleep tonight!
I am grateful for your reply, it has really hit the nail on the head.
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As we age some of us don't take any more crap ;D - so little issues that we have put up with for years suddenly become irritants.
I had an acquaintance who upset me a couple of years ago, I can hardly be sociable since ……… every time I see her I remember her words :-\
However, I am much better at speaking up for myself and have learnt to say 'no' to most things without giving it much thought! that way I don't jump in and regret it.
Thanks for your reply. That's interesting...I've often been one that would speak my mind...now I seem to have turned into a timid mouse although I have the words in my mind that I wish I could say to the person annoying me, I withdraw so I shall have to learn to overcome this new problem.
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Because of panic attacks I have to say 'no' or I will take on too much. I never say 'yes' in the evening because I'm a different person, with very little anxiety but in the morning ………. I regret getting out of bed if I say 'yes'.
I don't justify myself much these days either - ………….. or I get ratty.
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Because of panic attacks I have to say 'no' or I will take on too much. I never say 'yes' in the evening because I'm a different person, with very little anxiety but in the morning ………. I regret getting out of bed if I say 'yes'.
I don't justify myself much these days either - ………….. or I get ratty.
Hi, I've suffered with anxiety/panic attacks since childhood. What I have learnt over the years is to try to push myself to do the things I panic over and although it's not always easy, it is satisfying when I manage it and feel like I'm beating my anxiety. I spent a good few years making an excuse not to do stuff or go places as I was panicking I would have a panic/anxiety attack. Or, I would not return to to the places where I had an attack like a certain supermarket or restaurant...if you let it, it really can take over your life. I had not realised until I read about it that menopause increases anxiety so it explains now why mine has become almost 24/7 lately.
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Oh well done you! It was easier to avoid situations: in case. I have travelled to town OK but once parked the panic took over. I've fled many a supermarket :-\ leaving at loaded trolley behind. I can't force myself past the anxiety levels which floors me, I have to take emergency medication. Otherwise :-X :-\
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Emotional changes are definitely one of the symptoms.
One of the things I found hardest to deal with was the way I would suddenly become tearful over something really trivial - it took about 4 years for me to be diagnosed so I just thought I was going round the bend. I also get irritated by things much more easily and generally more anxious. I just keep reminding myself that it is not me, it's my hormones acting up!
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Oh well done you! It was easier to avoid situations: in case. I have travelled to town OK but once parked the panic took over. I've fled many a supermarket :-\ leaving at loaded trolley behind. I can't force myself past the anxiety levels which floors me, I have to take emergency medication. Otherwise :-X :-\
I have mentioned the website 'no more panic'...have a look on there, lots of useful information and it does say that Supermarkets are anxiety/panic triggers it's something to do with the lighting. For me, I spend the whole shop feeling panicky and by the time I get to the checkout and have to bend down into the trolley to get the food out, I then start to feel lightheaded and get in a real panic that I'm going to faint or something...I pack my shopping so quickly saying to myself 'hurry up, hurry up'..yet as soon as I get outside, my anxiety eases.
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Hi Halfpint
:welcomemm:
Great that you are able to use mental strategies to cope with hormonal anxiety - well at least the worsening effects due to hormonal changes.
Hurdity x
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Emotional changes are definitely one of the symptoms.
One of the things I found hardest to deal with was the way I would suddenly become tearful over something really trivial - it took about 4 years for me to be diagnosed so I just thought I was going round the bend. I also get irritated by things much more easily and generally more anxious. I just keep reminding myself that it is not me, it's my hormones acting up!
Hi Dorothy...I have always suffered badly with PMT and read that those that do will suffer worse in menopause. That's how I feel...like I've got permanent PMT. I'm always tearful and very irritable and moody. I remember the first clear sign of menopause was just extreme fatigue. I also sigh an awful lot which annoys my husband. He always says 'what's wrong with you now'?! I really lack motivation nowadays. It does help reading on this forum that others are experiencing the same because as you say, at first you think you're going round the bend!
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Thanks Hurdity...I think my years and years of struggling with anxiety have stood me in good stead but it's never easy.
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Halfpint, I'm another one who can relate to your post. I've always been an anxious person but it's been off the scale at times through peri including over analysing what people say to me or what I've said to them. This has been better more recently since my periods have become more spaced out, in fact it's the anxiety thats one of the signs my hormones are fluctuating, except for the health anxiety which seems to be almost constant annoyingly!
Thanks for your explanation Dangermouse, that's so interesting and does help to get it into perspective.
S x
Hi Sparkle, so far, my periods are still monthly but getting closer together (when i always used to never have a normal 28 day cycle) and much more painful (when i never used to really suffer with pain) and heavier (when I've always been relatively light) but I find they really drain me now each month.
I have had awful health anxiety since having my children...for a long time, I let it beat me but I have read up a lot on it and now realise that it definitely runs in my family (not all have anxiety, some have OCD although anxiety is itself a form of OCD). As I have got older and looked back on things, a lot of stuff about other people in my family having it have made more sense. Unfortunately, one of my children is showing signs of it which of course I blame myself for...just something else to stress myself over!
This new thing of feeling quite paranoid about what people say to me and worrying over it was 'worrying' me but Dangermouses advice really did make sense. I now see it as just another manifestation of my anxiety, so will try to use the rationalising I use for my health anxiety.
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Bad habits can be picked up by children. No blame to be attached but clear explanations necessary? My anxiety does not make my OCD tendencies worse. If I find myself hand washing more than I ought to, I make a note putting down when I should wash my hands and tick - if I find myself going to the taps more often it reminds me not to do so.
Can you share your rationale for dealing with HA?
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Bad habits can be picked up by children. No blame to be attached but clear explanations necessary? My anxiety does not make my OCD tendencies worse. If I find myself hand washing more than I ought to, I make a note putting down when I should wash my hands and tick - if I find myself going to the taps more often it reminds me not to do so.
Can you share your rationale for dealing with HA?
My child started showing signs when she was 6 which then got worse when she started Secondary School which is apparently a common trigger for OCD/Anxiety but she initially started with OCD tendencies like hand washing. I did take her to the GP and they referred her for counselling but they only saw her twice. I did wonder if they thought it was all in my head because I told them I have anxiety and didn't want her to end up like me that I started to think I was imagining it as unfortunately my daughter stayed quiet when they asked her questions and denied how much she was washing her hands etc! The only thing she admitted to was of being scared things were going to poison her! It was at her counselling that I learnt about the telling your anxiety to 'f off' (although they obviously didn't say 'f' to my daughter!). It was also the counsellor that advised her about writing her anxiety down and then next time going back to it and seeing that no harm had come to her. Interestingly, when my daughter is panicking I am able to calm her down and vice versa! We do help each other but I still feel a bit of guilt I have passed it onto her. There is apparently a genetic link. My father had it, my daughter, two of my nephews. My mother and a sister have OCD.
It would take me a long post to write my whole HA problems down as I have had it years. Initially, I avoided situations, cancelled appointments. I also never worked for a good many years and this became a viscious cycle as the longer I went without working, the more I panicked about how I would cope with my HA when I did evenually return to work. I compromised by having a part time job 3 days a week. When I got the job, everyone said 'it will be good for you' and I really think it has helped with my HA. Don't get me wrong, every day I go to work I'm panicking in the morning over some health issue or other but when I get to work, the distraction of work and chatting to other people really works. I have had a few anxiety attacks at work but managed to get through them and then I feel proud of myself that I didn't give into it.
I think a big problem for me is I spent a lot of time at home especially once my children started school and my HA got worse as i was alone and panicking. I have read that distraction techniques work. Even getting up and going for a walk or doing some housework. I've also learnt that been tired makes my HA worse. Eating junk food seems to make it worse! Letting myself go too long without eating makes it worse. I only drink two small cups of coffee a day as caffeine seems to trigger my HA. I also don't drink alcohol.
I have learnt to rationalise my HA but it's not easy. I do google a lot! I hate myself for doing it. Sometimes I type my symptom into google and hit enter then I close my eyes quickly as I'm frightened what will pop up as you can bet your bottom dollar that the first thing will be cancer related!
I spent a long time keeping my HA secret from friends and even family. I found that when I got up the courage to tell anyone they would laugh and say 'you're around the twist' or words to that effect. This of course didn't help matters! My husband is not very understanding of it. In fact, thinking about it, I rarely tell people I suffer from it.
I struggle with my anxiety constantly but since going back to work and getting through each working day, I do think it has helped me as I feel now that I am beating it rather than it constantly winning. I think keeping busy is a key thing. Sitting and dwelling does not help at all. I do use the breathing exercises of 4 breaths in and 7 out. I also talk to myself saying 'stop being stupid, there's nothing wrong with you'! I think the keeping of the diary really helps as sometimes, I laugh when I see a symptom that I think is a new one but I had it ages ago and nothing happened to me. One particular symptom I get I worked out the other day that I have been having that one for 16 years!! Things like that help.
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With OCD it's best to focus on the obsession and rationalise it but keep your compulsions in place as they are what you have subconsciously created to protect you / your family. Distraction will only deepen the obsession and blow it more out of proportion. Look at what your biggest fear is and then rationalise a) how likely it is to happen and b) how bad it would actually be in reality.
Our imaginations are powerful and get us believing all sorts of negatives when the likelihood of all sorts of positives is just as likely! Yes, you may die but equally you may live. All you can do is be rational about your health and get the necessary checks if symptoms persist. If you believe you're going to miss something and die then you are going to feel extreme fear as if you literally have a knife to your throat (something non OCD/phobics dont realise when they innocently tease!). Start to accept the impossibility of catching every little neuron that's out of place and let it go. Doing the impossible is impossible so be kinder to yourself and just work on coping with whatever happens. It's a skill but will relinquish you of all this unnecessary responsibility and all the anguish that comes with it.
Then you will no longer have a need for the compulsions that have been your crutch.
Enjoy the challenge!
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Thank you Dangermouse. Interesting fact, I haven't had another attack today since reading this forum!
Sparkle, yes I've had it since childhood. Back then I had rituals and obsessions and never health anxiety. I spent most of my childhood scared of death or family members dying. Teenage years I think things improved slightly. 20's I obsessed over ridiculous things and 30's and once kids came along the health anxiety kicked in and has never left. Out of interest, finally experienced losing a family member in my early 40's and didn't have an attack for months afterwards but of course it came back like it always does!
Years ago I read that if you think the worst of every situation subconsciously you are thinking it then won't happen as you had imagined it. Unfortunately, I imagined something was going to happen and it did so of course that ruined my way of dealing with things by thinking if I thought it, it won't happen!
The mind is very powerful. So glad I joined this forum. Like my job has been good for me I think talking about my anxiety will help as I rarely talk about it even with family or close friends as they do make me feel like an idiot! Thank you everyone.
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I too am exactly the same, I have always been a "good and loving" person, but at the moment I am really nasty, and take everything to heart, a simple comment, that 6 months ago I would have laughed at, I cant now, everything seems so personal, and it is very hard having two sons with whom I have always had a great relationship, and we have always had lots of banter (their words not mine), I have tried to explain my "feelings" "situation"?? to them both, and although they are trying to be patient, that question look in their eyes really hurts ...
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I too am exactly the same, I have always been a "good and loving" person, but at the moment I am really nasty, and take everything to heart, a simple comment, that 6 months ago I would have laughed at, I cant now, everything seems so personal, and it is very hard having two sons with whom I have always had a great relationship, and we have always had lots of banter (their words not mine), I have tried to explain my "feelings" "situation"?? to them both, and although they are trying to be patient, that question look in their eyes really hurts ...
I liken it to permanent PMT with my moods but this new thing of taking everything to heart is making me feel like a different person. I also have 2 sons but they're younger but one of them is going through puberty, so he's quite moody and over sensitive himself! I agree it's harder for men to understand (not sure how old your sons are?) but maybe you can print something out about menopause for them to read and help explain it?