Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Other Health Discussion => Topic started by: Micky on December 09, 2014, 01:27:45 PM
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( Now 53) and have suffered debilitating bouts of health anx throughout meno ...At the end of Dec I am booked in to have a full hysterectomy ( inc ovaries due to cysts) ...My unwanted divorce came thru in sept and I have no children ...I am struggling so much with depression and constant health fears, if I am not worrying about one aspect of my health I am worried I am going to develop c somewhere else in my body...I tend to go ruminate and go over things that I may have done, that may affect my health etc & beat myself up...Even though I try to maintain a healthy lifestyle now ...This all makes me sound neurotic and weak, and I hate allowing my mind and thoughts to take me over and be experiencing so much negativity..I am currently on anti- deps and I see a therapist once a week ....But I feel it would help to know if others feel as I do, and can relate a I feel as if I am the only one and cannot speak to friends/family about it as their lives are and have been quite different to mine...I also wonder if there are any ladies that live on the surrey/berks borders and would be happy to chat/liaise and just have some kind of support network...
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WHHOOOA ;) be kind to yourself. Life has taken a turn you were not expecting. Nor do we expect menopause to throw such alterations in our health towards us. :hug:
Maintaining a positive attitude can be hard work! Do the ADs help, you may need a hike in dosage to ease you through the next few months. Does the therapist sessions help?
You are not neurotic. You have been under stress and your body symptoms aren't helping. Anxiety is 'common' if you do a search you'll see the various threads, some very recent.
Maybe your Surgery could help you set up a support group?
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Hello Clkd
My ex leaving was a complete/unexpected shock & several months after he left ( I realise now) that I went off the rails in various ways, and did some things that I am not proud of and now worry about etc...So none of that has helped with my health anx and just added to my fears .. All feels so impossible at the moment and struggling to see a way thru it all ...Have started listening to relaxation tapes and even reading a book about living in the now - but its like mentally climbing a mountain... It helps to see my therapist as its someone that listens, is impartial and feel like a release for an hour once a week...At the moment tho i am in just a mess and today couldn't even leave the house
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The Surgery might be a place to meet, if the Practice Nurse is keen to help meno-ladies ;) and if you don't ask you don't get. You could enquire if she knows of any support groups in the area and if not, could she help organise one.
Things that I am not proud of - yep, been there : things I said, did, ought to not/done ....... guilt can bother me at night in sudden lurches :'( but how much of what you did is bothering you only: i.e. no-one else will be remembering those incidents? They are bothering you because you did what-ever-it-was ..... doesn't mean anyone else remembers ;)
Be kinder to you ;)
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Hi There Micky
You sound like life is tougher for you just now.
My year has been rubbish too, divorce Aug, my son died 23 Sept...how do we cope ?? well my moto is one minute, one hour, one day at a time. My counsellor says live in the present!!! yep tis all we can influence as the past is well the past and chapters closed or learnt from...the future aint here yep but we can shape it. I too take AD's and use beta blockers......I am not proud of something I did last year but I can't change it or let the things I have done cheat me out of better times ahead by holding negative memories.
So use this forum for help from all of us and I wish you well and give hugs for now
Mrs January....
Oh I live in Norfolk...relate on line have a good service to help with relationship breakdown xx
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Thank you ckld maybe be an idea to ask the visiting nurse, when I next visit my surgery...
So sorry for your loss Mrs January - words seem futile when someone has lost a loved one, and particularly their child .... Hope you have the support of friends and family close to hand ...Life sure aint easy ..
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Hey Micky
I am ok, yeah and have lovely friends and few family. I only tell it to show you how strong we ladies can be........Life is certainly a damn challenge but we can take a day at a time and move forward to happier places.
Make a daily plan? and see what you can achieve to lead to the next day and the one after......his loss to lose a lovely lady like you as he has chosen at a time of immense changes i your life xx
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Hello Micky.
I've just seen your post and I can understand how you feel. I also worry constantly even when I know there is no need, for example I'm convinced my daughter is miserable where she lives but I know for a fact that she isn't. Oddly enough I don't worry about my physical health so much but I do obsess about my mental health, probably because my moods are all over the place. I think meno anxiety is the root of it all.
I wish I had the answer but sending you hugs in the meantime.
Take care.
K.
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Thank you for your support Mrs January - I think you are an amazing and very kind lady to be offering support to others here after all that you have been thru..
Sparkle - Thank you too - I have developed massive health anx, its struggle to control it at the moment.. It doesn't feel like much of a life or existence when we cant fully enjoy it due to fears/worries etc....I am due to have hysterectomy at end of Dec - and am afraid they may uncover something ....The bizarre thing is that whilst married to my ex I never worried about my reproductive health - now I am practically in a frenzy convincing myself have something...As irony would have it I seem to keep unexpectedly coming across articles in the newspapers and I really am not looking for them - they just seem to fuel and elevate my anx levels.. Grrrr such a nightmare I am...
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Thank you Kathleen ..
I am desperately trying to find ways to stop or rationalise the worry/anx - trying to find mediation groups or just some things to help ....
Bigs hugs to you too x
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Hey there Micky
One minute, hour, day at a time honey...is all we can do. If the papers are full of stuff then don't read them for now. I had a uterine biopsy and scans last year for the big C got the all clear............
Try distraction it does help. I gave up all booze and caffeine as it made my anxiety worse......today is all we can influence.
Take care
Mrs J xxx
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Why not ring your Consultant's secretary for a chat? Or go to your Practice Nurse ? It depends on why you are having the operation too ……… what your symptoms were that sent you to the GP ……..
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It will be an uphill struggle Micky but know that it is worth it...maybe get involved in some voluntary work to take your mind off these worries and help build a life for you....I'm not saying this lightly ..I know from hellish experience,,,,every little thing you do to make yourself feel better will be a step on the way......courage and hope to you and know it can be done xxx
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CLKD I have an ovarian cyst but some other aches also - due to have a pre op assessment at hospital next week, so maybe I will can get the chance to talk to someone there...
TropicalVon - You are right, I know its so important to try to distract the mind off worries/anx etc - just that it feels like climbing an impossible mountain some days ...
Thank you
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What has your Consultant advised post op.?
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Post op was told to take it easy for 4/6 weeks, no lifting, driving etc - no mention of anything else ...Am assuming I will be told/learn more at my post op assessment ..
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Of course you will need to rest. But what about the effects of the surgery on the 'rest' of you?
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I understand there are risks as with all surgery, and they explained i could require a bladder repair etc - but its all personal choice and I would feel happier not having the fear of reproductive cancer/s ...I have spoken to friends and family that have had the procedures, and they have no regrets and said they felt better ..I am incredibly nervous about having any surgery, but to my mind if I have a choice then prevention is better than cure ...At the moment I am experiencing all sorts of discomfort & erratic goings on, none of it doing my anx & mental health any favours..... I am def coming back as a man..
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I had an anterior repair when I had my hysterectomy Micky - is that what you are having done? If so then the usual recovery time is twelve weeks not six so be prepared for that. There is a lot of healing to be done and it is really important that you don't overdo it to stop the repair failing. I've been referred back to uro gynae next week as I keep getting repeated bladder infections which is probably still due to the bladder not being very happy at being manhandled during the op. It's still far more comfy than before I had it done though. We will all be here for you and I'm sure that you will feel very relieved to not have the worry of being able to get cancer in your removed bits!
Taz x
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I can readily identify with health anxiety. I think it is one of the menopause's many manifestations for many women. The internet definitely has not helped. You can scare yourself into panic mode by researching too closely on it.
I am glad you have a supportive helper to counsel you. It is such a relief to be able to unburden without relationship issues getting in the way and objectivity is a great quality when discussing any form of stress or stress related illness.
For myself, I have found great solace in music. Have you considered taking up an instrument? You are never too old and, if you choose one that can be played as part of a group, that, too, can help a lot.
When I lost my the last of my dear sheep in 2013 and, although I have a good marriage, I went through a very bleak time. My husband's kidneys failed and he had to go on dialysis. The adjustment to this for both of us was very difficult and, for several months, I lived virtually as a widow. I joined a brass band for beginners though and have come through a dark tunnel clasping my euphonium!!
Whatever you feel might help, go for it. I wish you well.
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Thank you Pauline .
I think you are right, in that the internet has given us the ability to gain too much info & its not always a good thing & there is some truth in the saying " ignorance is bliss"....Whilst its obviously wise to be aware and mindful of our bodies, we can tend to think the worst when there is so much negative stuff on the net and in the press etc............I know for a fact that my mother and aunts etc - never experienced the same fears in meno & can only attribute that the fact the net did not exist & we didn't constantly have adverts and the press mentioning health issues ..... I am now looking into joining a meditation class & just trying to not think or read too much negative stuff.... I no longer read newspapers or magazines & actually find myself turning the volume down when certain adverts come on the tv....I personally find it just can get too overwhelming & can now understand why so many people now experience and suffer with Health anx, and lots of the young suffer with it too ...