Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Humour => The funny side of menopause => Topic started by: Witches Cat on March 06, 2013, 01:47:01 PM
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These had me rolling about laughing, it was the first good laugh I'd had in months, hope you find them funny too. ;D
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin , 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself , they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!! Blow this , I thought , I can get one cheaper off the web.
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance , so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RACQ van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
Statistically , 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that , 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
Paddy says "Mick , I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."Blow that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well , she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.
The wife was counting all the 5c's and 10c's out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself , "She's going through the change."
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkas saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman.
What a pair of sexists. I mean , it's not as if she'd have to reverse the thing!
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' , who has stabbed six people in the rear, in the last 48 hours , believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh , I forgot to tell you , today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
Murphy says to Paddy "What ya talkin to an envelope for?" "I'm sending a voicemail ya thick sod!"
19 paddies go to the cinema , the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"
Mick replies , "The film said 18 or over."
An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world , swum with sharks , wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.
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:clapping:
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Great they all made me laugh ;D have passed them on to my long suffering email group, they love them really.
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:lol:
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:rofl:
Brilliant witches cat!
Just read these to my hubby. ;D
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:rofl:
These are brilliant.
Like Dyan, just read some of them to OH, can't stop laughing
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Well done and thank you I needed cheeriing up today. :thankyou:
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brilliant!!! ;D ;D ;D
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;D ;D ;D great stuff