Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: rik on February 04, 2008, 02:12:33 PM
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We've been asked the question:
"What's the best thing your partner has done to help you through the menopause?"
Your answers could create a resource here to help your relationships with your partners.
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When i feel down i tell him and he says what can i do to cheer you up, dont know id say so he suggest we go out for a meal if i dont feel like eating he suggest we go shopping and ends up buying me clothes.Sometimes he gives me a massage or does a nice meal. I find i cant hide my feelings he can read me like a book.He would even just drive around to get me out of the house.
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I think the best thing my husband has done for me is just always being there for me and being as patient as he can with me and not judging me when my hormones take over and I am horrible to him. He is very calm by nature which is just as well really with what he has to put up with. I am lucky to have him that's for sure!
Libby
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"What's the best thing your partner has done to help you through the menopause?"
Well that is the 64,000 dollar question isn't it?
My personal experience may be different from others. I am 50 & my husband is 42. We married in 2002 & have no kids between us.
The best thing my younger husband has done to help me through the menopause is being patient with me. He has also been considerate & understanding. How he has done it I do not know :-\. I have been a bitch, a cow & totaly self centered with my problems - but he has always understood & supported me.
Poppyrose's explanation & advice posted on here was excellent & I printed it off & showed it to him (about this time last year) & he said it helped him to understand what was going on. Maybe a good idea Rik to re-post it on here.
I feel I am lucky in some ways but I know there are ladies with a lot deeper reasons for getting support & love from their OH's - children must be a big plus, I mean wow sharing that experience I will never know.
My husband has never bought me flowers or "surprised" me with presents but I just know that he loves me for what I am - an old woman going through the menopause or the 40 year old he met & fell in love with in 1997.
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My husband has been great with me during this time, I must have been a horror to live with as I have had major anxiety/depression problems since starting the per-menopause. He is so understanding and patient with me, being there when I need a cuddle or just knowing when I need to be on my own. He has always been with me when I have to visit my GP as I normally can't get out what I need to say as I am in such a state. All in all is he brilliant and I love him to bits.
Sharon x
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Hi
My partner is very patient with me, and he does the weekly food shop while I go out and have coffee and cake with a friend.
Forgetful
(He also remembers the things I forget!!!)
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My hubby listens which is a big help also he is marvellous around the house & does most of the shopping, he even finds things i have lost ::)
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My hubby has been very good. Even though he hasn't understood what I've been going through, (well until I found this forum I didn't understand what I was going through either, ;D) hubby has been very supportive and has given me a hug when I've been tearful and feeling down. I have had and still have, his total support. He still hugs me and then he leaves me to it when I'm having one of my moods, which is the best thing he can do when I'm like that.
He does the housework when he is on his 4 days off and does dinner too. He has even started doing the one job he hates and that is ironing.
I wonder if I would be as good to him as he is to me if he were going through the menopause. :)
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to love me unconditionallly - Helen
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Before I understood what was going on he was not very sympathetic when I told him I was unhappy - he just felt I was criticising him. But when I realised what the problem was, he changed and has been very supportive since, and very understanding (with a few blips). He is trying really hard, and it makes a big difference to me.
Deb
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My husband never really understood and even though I've shown him some of the stuff on this forum, he still doesn't really. I think its that old fashioned thing about not wanting to know how women's bits work ??? Still, what he does do, is most of the housework because he works mostly at home. But more importantly, he earns enough that I only work 10 days a month, and when I moan about going to work, he just says...'Give it up then' and I know he means it. So this week I've decided, I will retire at 58 which is a year this Christmas :)
Lynjane
:-*
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As we have both grown older my husband has really tried much harded to understand how I feeling. He wasn't so understanding when we were younger but now since having major anxiety problems etc he has been a real help.. He will ask me how I am and insist that I open up to him and will really try and help me. I am very lucky as I know some partners are not so understanding. From my experience it has come with time. Elaine.
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Leave home, only joking it's not been the best thing he could have done for me but sadly it's true
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:scottie:My husband was and still is great, he'd (when I was at my worst) ring me up on his way home from work to ask if I'd been and done the weekly shop. I only had to say 'no I couldnt go out today' and he would take me shopping when he got home. He's always been very supportive through my menopause and I love him lots. :-*
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Just being my best friend and being supportive.
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My husband is trying really hard to support me through this - I must drive him absolutely mad but he just says you will come through this - he really is a special man and I am really lucky.
Michele
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My husband has been a rock for me. My menopause started when I was 35, so around 4 years ago, and every symptom you can have associated with it, I have had :'( . When I am tired, he will take over the household chores, cooking, etc and let me sleep.
When I am sad, he comforts me.
When I am in pain, he will make me drinks, hot water bottles and again do things for me.
He never complains or judges me about the menopause, he sees it as a temporary set back, and knows I will be better eventually.
He is always there for me no matter what, without him I think I would be on anti depressents to deal with the menopause. ::)
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Hi
I have only just realised that I am going through the peri and as such have tried to get my hubby, Ste to understand, I've even read the thread on husbands to him this morning. He said that he will try and understadn more. A couple of hours later, whilst shopping, I was getting a little flustered and started getting anxious. Instead of understanding and trying to calm me, he did the opposite and we ended up rowing - even though he said he'll try to understand! He usually is good but if he doesnt wake up and understand howI feel then we will have the 3rd world war in our house. Lets hope it is early days and he will eventually understand and not take things that I say personally. And hopefully with everyones help and support, I start to feel better too :-*
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Have a look at the top of the "All things menopause" thread and you will find a post "advice to husbands" - it may be worth printing this off and asking your husband to read it. It is a strange time for the men in our life - they are suddenly living with someone they don't really know anymore. My friend has put it on her fridge and everytime her partner is less than understanding she just looks at him and says "Fridge" and he understands!
Love Taz x
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Hello, I am so lucky with My Hugh, although he has all sorts of problems, himself with On going chronic Osteo-arthritis, of the spine, hips and knees,partially sighted and deaf, Hugh is really great to me he says I just wish he could do more. He makes me rest as much as possible , as I suffer from Anxiety, He makes me warm drinks brings up hotties for me and makes sure he is there for me. How sweet he is.He is my best Friend and soul mate too. regards Amandahh
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When I first started feeling unwell with this meno thing, he was concerned and patient, however when we visited the GP and he told us that it was the start of peri-menopause! and all my obs were ok he changed and if I have an off day his comment is "well your not ill, the doctor told you so"
He has started losing his hair and moans about the others hairs turing grey, my answer to him "well your not ill". ;D
Seriously tho he does his best, but like some men, mine is one of them, his input "woman's problems are best kept amongst woman"!
Deni
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Hes here for me and hes wonderful as he has put up with everything I have thrown at him and seems to know when to keep his distance and when to give me a cuddle mind that hasnt come easy ;D
Ive got a good n
and at times he must have felt as thoguh he is married to a lunatic and there is nowwhere for men to share their thoughts or problems with as its not the thing to talk about down at the pub or wherever so a round of applause to the men in our lifes i say :clapping:
I know i would be list without mine
Manypaws
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My husband is super. His sexual prowess is amazing and boy is he well hung. He cooks, cleans earns an excellent salary and last weekend bought me a large ruby and diamond ring. What more could I ask for ?
Well I do wish that he wouldn't go out once a month to play chess leaving me at home.
Jacksfullofaces
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I have always felt my hubby hasn't supported me enough through menopause, mainly because whenever I want to discuss my feelings with him he closes up like a book. He doesn't like talking about 'womens' problems. Sometimes though us womenfolk need to 'talk' to our partners, we need to explain why we are acting as we do, why we get frustrated and why sometimes we turn the other cheek even though we don't mean to be hurtful.
He does however show his support in other ways by doing a lot of the shopping/housework when I am feeling low which goes a long way to making me feel better. I even sent him to collect my HRT prescription and he came back home with a bottle of perfume. That made me feel wanted, feminine and cherished :)
Luv Jax x :worm:
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Jax
Sounds like you have a nice husband there. He just gets embarrassed about the menopause. I'm fortunate that mine will discuss it with me and I sent him to collect my ovestin cream
Jacksfullofaces
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My hubby doesn't ask me how i feel just keeps telling people i'm going through the menopause esp in the pub , and i wish he wouldn't i don't want them knowing,also the pass few day's weve hardly spoke theres been an atmosphere and he's been off work last wk on hol's,e.g saturday he was in the living on the laptop and i was in the dining room on the pc and we never spoke for over 2 hrs, i just can't talk to him he switches off, the past 3 night's ive not even had a kiss good night, one was my fault cos he annoyed me and i didn't want one, weve been married nearly 25 yrs and i feel we can't carry on like this, i feel like he doesn't care.
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Kim
Have you and husband always had communication problems ? Mine is the quiet type and inclined to sulk if he gets annoyed. I have been known to explode and box his ears.
I should ask him why he switches off and the reasons for him discussing the menopause in the pub with other people.
If you don't like his behaviour the only answer is to confront him. Maybe if you wrote him a note it might help. Some people are better at reading things and working them out.
Just a thought
Jacksfullofaces
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ummm, mostly tut and shake his head, then walk away ;D
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My hubby tries to make me laugh, and most days it works, but not on my very dark days :angryfire:, then he just gives me the space to do my own thing, i do give him a bad time sometimes, dont know how he puts up with me ::) Tiilycat. x
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My husband teases me, spoils me and makes me scream with laughter. If he thinks I'm viewing things through Menopause spectacles he rightly tells me off - although he pampers me most of the time
Jacksfullofaces
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Here's a late reply from someone who has a Boyfiend, not a husband. (Right, no typo.)
Since we live in our own houses it isn't too bad. He's been very understanding. VERY understanding! He's remained faithful even though we haven't had sex in over a year due to vaginismus. One of these days I'm going to have to do something about that. :-\
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my hubby has been brilliant while im suffering with the meno, he listens to all my problems and helps me work through them . he comes home from work and walks the dog with me. He has his own space and I have mine, but is always there when I need him. We have been married for 30 years in July and I must say hes been brilliant. We still have arguaments like most other couples but as we have got older we seem to be able to work the problems out better! :wub:
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My husband is so understanding - he came to the GP surgery with me and put in his threepenny worth to the doctor. I really appreciated him coming with me!! He always seems to know when I am down - even before I do!
He will ask me if I want to go out - be it shopping (I always seem to be down at the weekend!!), a meal or just for a drive to the coast.
Oh and he bought me this laptop, too!!! ;D ;D
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My Husband gives me undivided love, understanding and acceptance ......... oh and he gets up in the middlle of the night to turn the fan on when the night sweat demons come to visit!!
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That's lovely Vicks - long may he continue to be supportive and loving.
Mine used to be but lately has wondered "when will it all finish so you can go back to normal" - haven't the heart to tell him that it probably wont and what he has now is the finished product ;D
Love Taz x
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My other half has started collecting marbles so that when I lose mine, he can replace them! He will need a lot of marbles!!!!!!!!!! I sometimes wonder why he puts up with me and my moods but he does and I love him for it.
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My husband is still there for me - even after 2 years. :o
I ask myself "would I be that patient with him?" - of course I would.
My other half has started collecting marbles so that when I lose mine, he can replace them! He will need a lot of marbles!!!!!!!!!! I sometimes wonder why he puts up with me and my moods but he does and I love him for it.
That made me giggle :rofl: :rofl:
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My husband has been wonderful he never complains or gets annoyed with me even though im sure he should hes there when Im down and he seems to know when I need my space 4yrs now and things are starting to get better ,it must be really dificult for couples who just cant cope with it all ,I think men are some times forgotten in all this as we seem to think its just happening to us when the knock effect on family life can be catastrophic, We (women) have each other to talk to and sites like this but the men in the relationship has no one to talk to .
Off to tell my husband just how much I love him :-*
Manypaws
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The quote from rosebush stating that her husband 'even finds the things which I have lost" - really brings this memopause lark home to me. I'm always amazed (and upset) by the amount of things which go 'missing' - so frustrating - your statement is gorgeous - what a lovely partner you must have.
My husband is just "Always there for me" - (though i'm sure sometimes he wishes he wasn't!!!) lol
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my husband has been brilliant!!!...when i was really bad with the panic attacks he was always there to make me feel safe..i even went to work with him when i was really bad...he never goes out with the lads without first making sure i am ok with it...he cuddles me when i feel down and he is simply the best ..i could not have come through the last year without his support..and i love him so much...we are 36 years married...
gina
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Gina that's lovely - I am sure that you have been there for him through the last 36 years too. We women can come across as so strong during our younger years and no doubt he leant on you without you even realising - now he can give something precious back to you when you need it most.
My OH struggles with my panics as I can't bear to be with anyone while I am having them. He makes me a cuppa - if we are in the house - and then quietly goes out for a while - so I guess that the best thing he does for me is to know when I want to be left alone!
Taz x :)
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:)
The best thing my husband has done is allow me to have a daybed in the conservatory, as its the coolest place in the house overnight. I slept on it for the first time last night. And I shall be there again tonight.Altho I will ditch the 8TOG duvet tonight and opt for a sheet.
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Hate to say this.... But moving into separate bedrooms!
Val
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only recently started the menopause and have informed OH.
i had palpitations the other night, which i've had before but when on my own, he was very understanding. told me to lie down and then offered to get me a drink. was quite concerned about me. even more impressive he was in the middle of watching football match :)
normally, if football is on i can't get a sensible conversation out of him and he wont move from the sofa :)
so he's in my good books at the moment ;D
karen
x
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Manypaws thats what my husband did too he came with me took me for my blood tests then came with me for the results
Only my husband came with a NOTE BOOK and was writing things down like a maniac asking this that tother (god love him)
Hes been there when Ive chased him down the hall hurling things (sorry) IM 5/2 hes 6/4 bit of a no brainer whos boss (terrier)
Ive flung ever past argument in his face going back over 30 years YEPP that was little old me!
I made him sell our 5 bed we made it house to move to a 3bed Victorian copy terrace 1/5 size cos i wanted to move to the sea
Thing was I TOOK ME WITH ME hes stayed hes put up with it and loved me bought me things when we couldnt really afford it
Anything he could do to make me happier he did and still does and I know IM so lucky
my cousins husband left cos of meno he couldnt take it The COWARD he divorced her met someone else it almost detroyed her
He was a nice fella 25 yrs married now after its over and my cousins more or less herself again he REALLY wants to come back
2 chances no chance and sod off no chance he had his chance shes met someone else now too
Could be worse but as my Mum used to say when people said that to her
Well the chuck bring them here let me have a bloody good laugh at them GOD LUV YA MUM XXX bet sges giving them hell up there!!
Suzi Q
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Mine is very understanding and very patient with the ''No Sex''..He hugs me when i feel down and i don't know how i'd get through it without him,he's 45 and i'm 51,we have 1 Daughter who's 10..He's the best!!
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My husband works 6 days a week, usually a minimum of 12 hrs. He drives a water tanker truck, and delivering water for cisterns, pool etc.. More often than not, he gets quite wet. Even is the summer, he can get chilled to the bone, because of air conditioning, but doesn't say a word when he comes home, and I have the air on so cold, you can almost see your breath. He'll grab a hot shower, and sit with a blanket on him, just so I can stay cool.
Driving in the car used to be hell. He'd turn the heat up, I'd lean in and turn it back down...he'd turn it up again, then I crack the window open, being the driver, and having electric windows, he'd close it....this would go on, and on the entire trip. After many arguments, he's finally understands that he can put on more clothing, blankets etc., and that I am down to the minimum, I can't take anything else off, he has given in. He even bought me an oscillating, stand up fan, to enhance the air conditioning, for when I can't cool down.
He see's me looking soaked and sad, and he will go out, and buy me a rose, or a sweet treat, or a lottery ticket, whatever he can think of to make me smile, and feel better,. Last year, he went out and bought me a beautiful, overstuffed recliner chair, to help me be more comfortable when the Fibromyalgia is acting up, and I am in pain.
On Sundays, his only day off, he takes me out to play bingo, or to the casino, and then a bite to eat. If I don't feel like going out, that's OK too. He'll go alone if need be, on his only day off, and do the groceries, and other errands that need doing. When I look at the way I treat him sometimes, it makes me so very sad. I think, if the roles were reversed and he treated me the way I've been treating him, I wouldn't live with him. Then I think I would. After all it took 25 years to make him into an understanding man..he didn't come that way LOL
I guess what I'm saying is, he is now considerate of my physical distress. He's still struggling with the mood swings, and the lack of sex, (he always says he misses the way I used to love him. But I still do love him, I wish he could get that through his head).
I know he's trying to be supportive. He goes to the OB/GYN with me, he sat with me for 14 hrs. last March, while waiting to get into surgery for a simple D&C. I was scared of the anesthetic, and he calmed my irrational thoughts. I was horrid to the nurses because of the long wait, he must have been embarassed, but said nothing, just held my hand.
There are so many more ways he's tried to be there for me. After 25 yrs., he still loves me, and spoils me whenever he gets the chance, and now that I've thought about it, I'm going to tell him when he gets home, how much I appreciate him, and how much I love him. He looks so handsome when he smiles, and this will make him smile.
There is one problem with it though, he'll think it's foreplay, and I may just had to grin and bear it:)...he's worth a bit of discomfort.
Sorry, i didn't mean to hog the spot light again. I just start typing, and all these feelings come rushing out. I guess I've been holding way too much inside.
I'm finished now. Thanks for the opportunity to talk once again.
Platte
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Platte,
that's lovely :)
Don't worry about hogging the spotlight, as long as it makes you feel better :)
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Thanks Hotnbothered, for saying that, and for being so kind and understanding. It really is a tough time for us ladies, and our families too. Sometimes, I'm so angry I'd could spit, and other times it's tears and frustration. No rhyme or reason for it either. I really hate this.
I am grateful for the love of a good, strong, kind man. I made him smile tonight by telling him that, in fact, even before I told him, I just looked at him kindly, and he smiled...how simple and uncomplicated is that?! :yes:
Platte
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awww thats so nice to hear ... I think my OH feel he is living with a raving lunatic, poor thing...
Platte - like your Hubby mine misses the sex as it is so far and few between dont think he really understands and like you I g omnet et so angry I could spit, I cant even stand him mentioning it sometimes thats probably my own guilt tho !
He said something so lovely last night and I was taken aback , the story is my grandparents are apart at the moment thru ill health so nan in a rest bite home and my pap would do anything to have her home and my OH said on way home last night " I guess he loves her so much he doesn't know what to do without out her and I know i would feel just the same " awwwwwwwwww how sweet !...
He doesnt fully understand what going on and its hard for me to explain as I am sure he thinks everything is just in my mind ! but still at least he sticking by me even tho i can be a nasty cow :-\ :-\ :-\
xxx
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My hubby has been brilliant throughout the dreaded meno. Although he has recently lost his Mum, and his Dad has been placed into care
in Scotland, which involves a lot of travel for him. He is kind and understanding when i'm down. Does the shopping when i can't move
outside the door, walks the 3 dogs when i can't manage. Recently i found him reading one of my meno books, to help him understand.
This is a man who rarely has sex, gets a lot of grief with me sometimes. But he always makes me feel loved and safe. I'd be totally lost
without him.
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That is really lovely Spursgal.
The best thing mine does is to leave me alone - I am dreadful at being helped at anything and hate being looked after. I am trying to accept some help from people but it doesn't come easy to me at all. As my mum used to say "You are your own worst enemy" ;D
Taz x
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Hi Taz,
I know what you mean, sometimes i feel i need to just be left alone, other times i simply need him with me for comfort.
Us women feel that we should cope with all the crap life throws at us without complaint. But everyone needs a little help sometimes,
and our other halves need to feel wanted, at least in some way, if not in the bedroom.Lol.
At the minute i'm stressing about the mud the 3 mutts have just bought in from the garden AAGH !!!!!!!!!!!
Be kind to yourself. xx
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That was lovely and the type of thing Id like to say too
My Bobbles loves me I moan about my fanny all the time every single day ttheres something
Its a never ending saga when I think back to even 3 years ago
I was up for it anytime we laughed(we still do) we did things
Again we still do but it must drive him mad me and my fanny
Yet he loves me spoils me hence the trip hes my everything
Hes home tonight after a week away I know gifts will fall out of his case
There will be tops and shoes and last time he got me jeans he knows me so well
Yet I feel I do nothing for him but of course thats not right
His clothes are always washed ironed our house is always clean and looks nice
He doesnt have to do hardly anything around the house except for diy which he loves
Yet I still feel hes got the raw end of the deal I didnt expect this I m sure he didnt either
Suzi Q
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I so love a cuddle from my Hubby, and its great he knows just when i really need one, i also make a point, of letting him know how much i love him..he is my rock and has suffered with me during my 10yr ongoing meno..poor sod...
Suzi hope you like your prezzies.. :-*
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My husband listens whilst I moan, groan etc and is never ever critical. He's always been like that. My rock! I'm one of the lucky ones. :) :) :)
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When I have days -like we all do when I just start to cry and I apologise cos I dont know why I am crying... and he will just hold my hand and say Its going to be ok you know , you are stronger than this and you will get through it. bless him.I seemed to have upped my intake of chocolates as well,, he encourages me- not that it takes much specially when I feel like poo :'(
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I thank God for husband. He doesn't get it all the time but he is patient. His listening helps and when I cry he always asked is it meno or something else. He hugs me and just lets me cry and that helps alot.
Sometimes when he can he takes the load of me by doing supper, going to the store, or just catering to me.
I am blessed!
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Just wanted to say Welcome to the Forum Meinpatches.
You will find lots of help and friendship on here.
Taz x :)
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My partner is helping me through this pretty hellish time by being very patient, giving me lots of cuddles and just generally being there for me. I have to say, after reading quite a few of the previous posts, it is quite heartening to see how lucky us ladies are with our 'ordinary' men considering everytime you pick up a paper or turn on the tv/radio you hear about yet another famous male cheating on his wife!
:sunny:
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sorry to put a negative spin on itwhen you were asking for apositive -- Ocasionally I get a cuddle.. but I have got to get my partner to read this forum because he just doesnt understand- he views menopause as some strange affliction-which is accurate on reflection! he is not the sort of man to want to know anything medical so I am a mystery to him- my tears and nasty moods are not He thinks I am a bit crazy- if I can get him to educate himself a bit it he might realise I am not like this for the hell of it! ;D
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have jus ;)t printed off advice for husbands- thre is no excuse now- so I will report back in a more positive light!
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Good luck Katrin, makes a big difference if your partner can show you some sort of compassion/understanding!
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The best thing was before I found out I'd reached 'the change'. It was my partners reaction to me completely losing it and telling him I only loved him as a friend and couldn't give him what he wanted any more, so there was no point being together and I didn't want to be with him. He reacted as though the bottom had fallen out of his world and it made me realise how much he does love me. It took me 48 hrs to crumble and tell him I didn't mean any of it and the thought of what I could have lost scares me so much.
It's still early days, but four little words from him help so much 'WE'LL get through this'
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Awwwwwwwww, that is such a nice story. I am sure his love will help you get through this. Good luck.
Lorraine :foryou:
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He got on his motor bike and went out. ;D
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bloody men-they can t help it- they aren't on the same planet. mine has finally read the blurb about menopause -took 3 weeks!!! hes not aslow reader- just reluctant for some reason......... and he said he really didnt undrstand it all and now he does a little bit - he has defintely been more sympathetic. some progress. hope the biker returns soon! :) ;)
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Thats good katrin, don't go expecting too much from OH too soon though, they need time to 'digest' all this information, lol!
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Yeah, he came back, bless him, he probably thought it was best to get out of the firing line ;D. He is brilliant really and knows to leave me be when I am having a mad moment. He does try to help, but like most fellas I think he feels a bit helpless and doesn't know what to do or say for the best.
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I'm so lucky to have my husband, he's 15 years younger. We've been married for 10 years and he is totally laid back and undemanding yet always fun and makes me laugh every day.
He gave me space when I needed space and doesn't hassle me when I just want to be on my own. I always feel we are going through this together.
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The best thing my OH does is.....LISTEN :)
He lets me bitch, moan, snap and rage, when he would have been well justified to dump my crabby ass! ::)
He tries to help by finding out about natural alternatives for symptoms and then putting up with the tantrums when they never work for me. Then he puts his arms around me and cuddles away my bad mood. I know i'm rather blessed....and I let him know that all the time.
Catherine x
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The best thing my OH did was move into the front room during the week! He snores like a pig (sorry do pigs snore?) and with my insomnia I was exhausted. We'll often start off together, but he totally understands if I de-camp during the night.
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After having had a really lovely weekend with hubby being home, I now have to say that the best thing he`s done to help me through the menopause is to read the info from this forum. I`m genuinely hoping that I`m not counting my chickens but he`s been more understanding, more accepting and most of all more loving without expecting anything at all in return like he normally does.
He`s been brill over the weekend......long may it continue :) :) :)
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Agree to a divorce ;D which is thankfully over now. Eli x
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Spent 8 hours putting up a ceiling fan (with remote control) in our bedroom just so I would be cooler, only to find that the remote wasn,t compliant with the fan!!!! He is an absolute diamond, never complains and is so understanding. Phones me at work to see how I am. Angel sent from heaven, love him so much.
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first thing every morning rob always ask's, how you today babe, then get the cows in, as the last cows go in the yard i get the biggest cuddle and a kiss, he says i don't know what your going thru i may not make sense but we can chat. even when he goes out thru the week to do disco's he alway's phones see am ok, and if am out he leaves a lovely message on the phone and hearing his voice and imagining his smile makes me smile, i am so lucky to have him all these 28 year's of marriage almost 34 years together, yes we have had our ups and downs, but our love sees us thru.
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Awwwwww, that is nice. He sounds like a good bloke, nearly as good as mine, lol!
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All of those whose other halfs can understand even a bit are so lucky. I don't want my OH to leave home as one of you has unfortunately gone through, but I do wish he would talk a bit. Women must have been saying that for ever!!Every time I talk about anything just a bit personal he just goes quiet and that's it. And I don't mean the menopause. Saw something on tv about the brownies and said tht I was in the brownies as a kid. He just looked away. He's never interested. That's a man thing I know so I just tolerate it but it is hurtful. I feel that he doesn't really know me as a person but perhaps that's not necessary in a relationship. men and women are different and over the last few years I've begun to accept that.
The trouble is that this feeds into different areas of my life. My OH isn't interested so I feel that friends and colleagues aren't interested. A real knock to the confidence. Anyone else have this situation? Any advice? I don't want to end this relationship but I would like us to be closer. If I confide anything that he doesn't like it just provokes real anger.
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Hi Sandy - I just wanted to say that if you start a topic under Private Lives then you will know that only members can read it. Sometimes "other halves" are tempted to read what we have been writing about! It may mean you can go into more detail without fear of everyone on the internet reading it.
Taz x
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When I couldn't sleep in the first week post op he would sit and stroke my hair (which I find very relaxing) until I dropped of to sleep
Now he brings me coffee and pain killers in bed every morning when he gets up xxx
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:rofl: :hug: Keep him he's a treasure...
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I walked out on a husband who'se only concern was how it affected him, and am now married to an amazing man who loves me despite the occasional outbursts and does all he can to help. A brilliant sense of humour helps no end, - and endless patience. If only he'd learn how to cook as well ???? ;D
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my husband has been really great and even stayed off work when i was really depressed,but feel sure he must be getting to the end of his tether as i moan every day about one ailment or another.Its a difficult time for us and them
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Hi girls
I am new to the forum, first day today!!!
The best thing my hubby does for me is just being here for me, I actually cannot believe how patient and understanding he has been this last 6 months!!! I am 38 and although not confirmed by bloods etc, it is believed that I am peri-meno, so just as the kids where getting on with their lives and not needing us so much and we thought great time to ourselves again, this hits!!! Major anxiety attacks, palpitations, hot flushes, visual migraines etc, makes it very hard to plan to go out anywhere as I never know what "mood" I will be in but hubby is always there to comfort me! I don't think I could have made it through the last couple of months without him!! He also makes me laugh which is a big help xxxx ;D
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my hubby has been/still is the most understanding and patient person ive ever known esp while ive been going through my 'lady problems'
dont know what id do without him
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hi ive just joined the forum as i feel i need to express how im feeling .im 49 years old and mood swings are driving me insane.love reading every body elses posts as it makes me feel like im not the only one going through the perimenopause.help sometimes i feel like im not the person i was other times i feel better than ever.
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Hi wendiwoo
:welcomemm:
Mood swings go both ways! ::)
You'll find lots of info and support here. Maybe introduce yourself on "New Members" as newbies can get missed in the middle of existing threads and others will want to welcome you.
Meanwhile, browse round and join in. And do look at the "Funnies." ;D
Bette x
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The best thing my OH has done is not speak when Im in a mood ..cos whatever he said would be wrong.. ;D
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Hi Wendiwoo. Yep its horrid isn't it. recent person to go on site. I love my O.H. but at times it's not good. Can you tell more about youself hun, we'll get a better picture that way. You are here with the rest of us, - and yes we want you here please.
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thanks bette and jenny for your replies i will go to new members bit.thanks again.
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:'(my husband doesn't understand at all. I have suffered with migraines all my life (since I was 8) and finally after all this time (I'm 53), he gets it. Now he has to cope with the menopause (HE has to!?) and he finds my mood swings unbearable. I think HE thinks he is going through the menopause. I wonder how he would cope with the physical side too.
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The more I go through all these different symptoms of menopause - both physical and emotional - the more I think that I would prefer to go through this by myself, without a man's "help", and return when I have metamorphasised into the butterfly I am going to become :ola:
Taz x :)
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:)The best thing my husband did for me was to leave ;)
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wish mine would leave too
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Hi im 44 and peri-meno an its drivin me nuts but readin what all of you have put about how supportive n carein ur hubbys are ur all so lucky, my hubby is indiferant to me the menapause is causing problems along with his 3 kids and both theses factors are not helpin me i have seen 3 doctors all experts on menapause and i cant go near hrt and depression tablets cause to many side affects, i dont do well with medication ive tried alsorts over the past 3 yrs, but nothings wrked and my marrage is on the rocks coz my hubby cant cope with it (me realy)lol
im so enviouse of those who have supportive ,understandin hubbys n family xx
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;D ;D @ Rattymad & TM.
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I don't know how I would have coped without my Husband, he has been so supportive and kind during a very difficult year since my symptoms have started. When i feel like I can't cope he makes me realise I can.
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Mine keeps me sane, thats for sure.
Stumpy xx
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My husband never judges me or my mood, I am having a bad spell at the mo and he just said, wake up tomorrow and just do what is good for you, slouch at home, coffee with friends whatever suits you...i'll take care of everything else.. god I love him. :hug:
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How lovely Neeta ..I must say my OH is never critical ..if I put myself down he will tell me off and give me a boost.. so unlike my ex husband who was very critical ..when he left with his younger "lady"(after 25 years) my self esteem had hit rock bottom ..but my gorgeous man now.. who Ive been with for 10 years in October is very special and I really appreciate him.
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My partner has done nothing to help me through the menopause. He tells me that the symptoms i get
are all in my head. I feel so alone sometimes, no one to talk to about it.
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Aw Trace - well, you've got us now so :welcomemm:
Maybe try showing him the "Advice for Husbands" thread:-
http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,2458.0.html
You'll find lots of support, info and understanding here. Maybe introduce yourself on "New Members" as newbies can get missed in the middle of existing threads and others will want to welcome you.
Bette x
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AwwTrace thats whats so good about being "here" we all know its not "in your head" and you can really express how you feel with such understanding from all the lovely ladies here.. there is always someone that has or is going through the same as you .. :hug:
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Yes you are right susan. I feel like i can't enjoy my life anymore. I just want to feel better.
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The best thing my partner has done to help me through this is marry me :) (we got married earlier this year).....he's nine years my junior too, bless him (he must need his head examining!!)..and I know Im only just at the beginning of the 'change' and yet he remains calm, loving and supportive......I know I'm very lucky......and just hope I don't drive him away with my mood swings!!!!!!!!!!!! :o 8)
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Congratulations Jemima :clapping:
Me and hubby have had a very rocky road through the ups and downs of this time in my life and it has taken him a long time to come to terms with the changes, but now things are better and the best thing that he does for me now is to leave me alone and give me space.... i disappear upstairs and lie on the bed and all he does is shout up occasionally to see if im ok, and sometimes he comes up to test the water, and if he can tell i am feeling a bit better he will sit on the bed and try and make me laugh... nine times out of ten it works. ;D
Rainy. :)
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I think the best thing my fiance has done for me is give me a hug when im feeling crap and in tears and tell me he loves me and he'll always be there for me. And sometimes buy me chocolate of course lol. I sometimes say to him why do you put up with me and he just says when you love someone you take the bad with the good.
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Thank you Rainy!! :)
I do feel sorry for the men, at the mo Im sooooo changeable in mood.....even I cant see it coming so he has no chance!!! :o
;)
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Being patient with me, not judging, reading me like a book, giving me a cuddle when I need it, carrying on regardless, making a joke out of my craziness/moodiness/huffiness...and all my other faults/encouraging me-pretty much all you would expect from someone who loves you. :banana:
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Nothing, he only thinks about himself. >:(
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Oh jgr :hug:
Bette x
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I think i might get him to read this topic and see the support all you lucky ladies get, who knows it might make him feel guilty. :(
Jgr
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Anything is worth a try, i will do that now. Thanks Mrs P :)
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Some lucky girls out there with amazing supportive partners! My hubby will help with shopping, cooking and other housework but he doesn't really understand the mood swings, fatigue, odd physical symptoms etc...he does try though :)
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My OH has had the patience of a saint the last three years with all my surgeries, ttc journey now menopause. I haven't been easy to live with. He bought a book about endometriosis to udnerstand more about my condition and even impressed my consultant with sme of the knowledge he gained. He hasn't ready my menopause book yet though ....
He says he is glad not to be a woman says we are the stronger sex .
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Mine does the ironing, washing, changing beds & put out rubbish, so hes good but doesnt understand my flushes or any of the other symptoms! ;D
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Maybe you should show him this thread, sheilak!
http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,2458.0.html
Bette x
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Hi I'm new - started the damn menopause and having a browse around the site - nice to read your post Shelia - your partner sounds fabulous! I can't imagine mine doing the ironing unless I had an arm missing! He doesn't see the need to do it and if he has to - rarely - he will do a song and dance! Guys eh? Can't live with them, can't live without them, mind you I do wonder on the latter!
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Hi Hera
:welcomemm:
You might like to go along to "New Members" and introduce yourself, as Newbies ofthen get missed in the middle of existing threads and others will want to welcome you. ;)
Lots of info and support here. And laughs - do check out the "Funnies." ;D
Bette x
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Listened and just being there for me and the family :)
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My fionce always is helpful the only thing he wont do is ironing.Everything else no problem at all. He was a chef in the usa many yrs ago and still likes to cook at home.Now and then if I'm lucky I get to do the cooking lol. He thinks he is going through the male menopause ..personally I dont know anything about that is that discussed on here or not ?
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Hi kels
Here's a recent thread on it:- http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,14411.0.html
As I've said on here before, I've solved the ironing problem - we don't have an iron so there's none to be done! :D ;D
Bette x
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After months and months of moaning and groaning about my lack of interest in sex (although not ALL the time), my partner of 8 years has just dumped me.
Given some time... I think it will be the best thing he has done for me. Pig!
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Hi Farmer,
Sorry to hear your news.
what an earth is wrong with men at the moment, i read on here last night that another ladies OH has walked out on her after 20 years.
But like you say could be the best thing he has ever done for you.
Chin up, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
TM x x
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my husband just says sign your getting old mate to me when i mention any of my problems,cus he has stayed the same even after 30yrs of marriage haha and he says he wont leave me cus he cant be bothered to break a new wife in ;)and you know wot thats why i love him it tells it straight and he does understand me cus he as got 8 sisters,3 daughters n me so he qualifys knowing womenxx
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Its difficult to find a page where I can vent my spleen, but wading my way through all the different subjects finding this seems a good place to go.
My partner of 6 years is being extremely patient while I go though my seemingly fortnightly rants. I am a mess, suspicious, neurotic, paranoid, panicky, angry, weepy, pathetic to name but a few, basically I am hard work at the moment and I am so worried I might just push him away and it will be too late for us.
He does get very annoyed on times, understandably, but he is still here.
I have considered going to the Doctors, anti-depressants may help, but I really dont want to go down the line of taking tablets, I am really looking for something natural, some advise on how to tackle it all. I wonder if I feel it all building up to take myself off for a long walk, get out of the house and out of his way and hopefully feel more able to cope when I get back.
How does everyone else cope with it all, I know I need help with this .
It is having a effect of my teenage daughters as well now, so can anyone help??? All suggestions welcome.
Thank you
Jane :-\
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I've had a couple of really bad days this week, My hubby sent me a lovely bouquet of roses this morning to cheer me up! Bless him, he's really not so bad :)
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Cazikins.............like you I have a young husband, 15 years younger than me, I am 60, he took me to the Doctors, sat with me and has been an amazing support. How special to have a supportive, loving husband.
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After printing off the "info for husbands sheet" last month to try to explain how crap I was feeling, my husband now constantly flatters and flirts with me trying to make me feel more attractive and I don't know if it is that or the HRT but our sex live has certainly improved!
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:congrats:
Bette x
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Having the tolerance level of a saint is the best thing he's done! He also talks to me like I need a lot of care and kindness which is rather sweet. I'm sure I'd not have the patience he's had with me, but he just seems to accept its a difficult thing to go through for me.
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I have had a lot difficult emotional times during the past wee while and my husband has been very supportive with hugs. He is helping me with my nutritional needs - he wants to sit down once a week and go over our meal plan for the week which is very helpful as then we have the proper foods available and nothing is left to chance.
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If you have a supportive husband/partner you are really lucky, if not it can seem like you are trying to climb a mountain loaded up with baggage and no helping hand.
Meg
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My husband gives me a wide berth and does not answer back or argue when i go off on one so i come out of my strop quicker than if he kept it going. That might sound silly but it is really helpful for me as i do not do myself any good getting all stressed and anxious and wound up. He also does not put any expectations on me, like meals at a set time or a standard of housekeeping that i cannot manage. He doesn't understand the meno stuff but he accepts what i tell him and doesn't belittle it. He's lovely :) oh yes, the one thing he struggles with is me turning the heating off, and the window open when he is feeling cold at night.
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Not sure where I would have been without him. Have been on a rollercoaster the last 2 years and he is the one I have shared it all with. I think it has made us stronger in a strange way.
Lesley x
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After months and months of moaning and groaning about my lack of interest in sex (although not ALL the time), my partner of 8 years has just dumped me.
Given some time... I think it will be the best thing he has done for me. Pig!
Chin up Farmer. Mine was the same, totally selfish and self obsessed to the bitter end. As a result it was the end.......of us....!
I am no longer walking on egg shells in case he kicks off and blames me for everything under the sun because I have no interest in sex. I can now breathe!!!! Best thing he's done by far.
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Well there's a big divide here between partners who sound absolutely bloody marvellous and those who sound total tosspots!
My partner is a very practical man so does any stuff I ask of him regarding car maintenance/house etc but he isnt into understanding emotions much.As for cooking and ironing, forget it!!!
He will go down and put the dog out at 3am though, bless him and he's good for a cuddle :) I guess he falls somewhere between the 2 extremes.
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It seems reading through some of these posts that it is the case Milliemoo that husbands are either at one end of the spectrum or the other! I feel very blessed that I have one of the good ones, and I am so very grateful for that. Some days I hate how I am being and don't know how he tolerates me - when questioned recently he said he'd had me ages and wouldn't swap me (even for a good set of golf clubs) so lucky me ;D
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My husband is why I am here- he has made my life complete and has given me 4 beautiful children. He was there when I lost one of the twins in the womb and when I had a miscarriage and he is here now. He has helped me in so many ways- even making me a mathematical representation of my period pattern to stop me going in sane! We met at school and haven't had one argument in 35 years. I consider myself to be very lucky. :)
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Machair i can feel your devotion to your husband in your post. We also met at school and have been married 36 years i am also very lucky indeed :)
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Well there's a big divide here between partners who sound absolutely bloody marvellous and those who sound total tosspots!
My partner is a very practical man so does any stuff I ask of him regarding car maintenance/house etc but he isnt into understanding emotions much.As for cooking and ironing, forget it!!!
He will go down and put the dog out at 3am though, bless him and he's good for a cuddle :) I guess he falls somewhere between the 2 extremes.
Hi Milliemoo,
Your Husband sounds identical to mine regarding the cooking etc but is great with diy. Mine too doesn't understand emotions and I am sure he has got worse as he has got older, my Daughter has noticed as well. He has got worse with listening to me though.
Mine falls in between the two. I don't think anyone else would put up with me to be honest, I think he deserves a medal, as we had our 25th anniversary this August so I do hope he isn't going anywhere.
G Girl.
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::)I cant think what my husband has done to be supportive
no affection the kisses have stoped completely not many hugs
i think its all about hime no sex no kisses or affection
but i cant have sex im not interested too dry and it hurts
and i just dont feel the same that is why im thinking about hrt
and see how that goes for me
its very difficult for me because i dont have any relatives to talk to
about things and not many friends so any comments help would be appreciated .
Thanks bettyboo22 :'(
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Firstly, my partner has Aspergers at the high functioning end, which you would think would make him a nightmare with empathy and emotions etc around perimenopause - actually the truth is very different.
He has been very understanding and supportive for as long as the horrible stuff has been going on. He is patient and understanding with the mood swings and night sweats and insomnia. Yes, it is a bind and he feels it but he fully understands that I don't do any of it on purpose.
We have our own issues around affection and intimacy (not the sexual kind) but actually I think this has made him realise even more how important stuff life that is for an NT person.
He doesn't get cross with me and listens and tries to find information for me - all in all he does what he can.
I know I'm very lucky in that respect.
x
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My partner who is 20yrs my junior has been so amazing and understanding, he held me when I cried. supported me when I thought I was mad with symptoms that I couldn't understand, did not make me feel bad when I didn't want to make love due to vaginal atrophy (on vagifem my 3rd week) I couldn't of coped without him being there and his mother warned him about an older menopausal woman and its issues which was 7 years ago but he din't run and has no intentions of leaving as its now hitting hard, he knows we can get through this together and there is help out there for me.
So without him I wouldn't have had the strength to talk to my GP and find a site like this which now i understand what was happening and that there is help out there. I feel very very lucky to have him. :)
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My OH is very understanding, but he really made me (unintentionally!) laugh yesterday when he asked "how long does the menopause last?"
I really didn't know what to tell him. ;D
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told me to stop telling myself i'm fat, tired, old - he loves me whatever :) :-*
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Hey Bettyboo, you are not alone, I've got the same husband. No hugs/kisses even when sex was a 'maybe' but now it's 'a definitely not', he's just doesn't make an effort. I asked him the other week if he liked my new skirt and got a ten min lecture on 'why clothes don't matter to him as he was poor growing up'. He doesn't get that it's not about my skirt, it's having him acknowledge that I am still attractive and need to be told. I really try to look good for myself as much as for anyone else. I feel there is such a distance between us. He works away during the week, so I wrote him an email telling him that I'd like it to be a 'win-win' situation and really poured my heart out. Nothing. No mention of receiving message and when I asked him, he said 'oh that, we'll talk some other time'. he's got his head in the sand and for the life of me I don't know why I bother except that my disability (back problems) means I am financially dependant on him. I am in Oz and can't just pack up and go home to Ireland as 4 of my kids are here. I sound like a right moan :(
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As I am not going out at the mo he is doing all the shopping & going to work late & coming home early to take the kids to school & bring them home again. He has also helped me out with the kids a lot more & done things he had never tackled before like the dreaded teeth cleaning. He even cooked some sausages very well last week! Its a two way thing though he has always suffered from low moods & taken himself off only for me to rant over him lying on the sofa how selfish he is & to get up & go & cut the lawn or something. I can now relate & understand why it was best to leave him alone & not make him feel guilty for not being a good parent etc. I can now see how an 8 yr old & a 9 yr old can be pretty challenging to someone feeling vulnerable. It used to wash over me completely & I thought he was stange to be so untolerant. Its been a revelation & made us much closer. I am not at the mood swing stage of meno yet though maybe when I start shouting at him for no reason he will get frightened! I have a funny feeling that won't happen though the more irregular my periods have got the less I have felt the pmt anger. Its the anxiety & physical symptoms that have me floored. B x
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Like Miss Kitty my husband has high functioning Aspergers and has been really supportive since I showed him the info on this site. Some men prefer to hear from 'experts' rather we who are close to them and perhaps confuse them with our behaviour so they withdraw? He accepts it is happening and is being calm!
Getting him to read about it has totally changed his attitude.
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Unconditional love and kindness, mugs of tea, hugs, telling me I'm beautiful ( even though I find that hard to believe) and accepting my love. :)
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Lets me sleep with the windows open, even though it's minus 30 outside! That's about as romantic as he gets ...
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;D
Stayed out of my way... a lot....
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Yes taz, mine does that too!
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I have a wish list for this one.
So, i wish my OH would understand that I haven't gone mad! and that I have been Perimenopausal for about two years..... So OH please love and support me during this horrid but natural time in my life ...instead of feeling I am against you and everything you do.....help with teenagers, shopping, chores, gardening and giving me endless hugs and cuddles .......that's all I ask xxxxxxxxx
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Maggies, have you told him how you feel and what you need at a calm and peaceful time, not in a stressed moment? Never, ever assume he knows or understands, anymore than you can assume you know what he feels or needs. I have learnt the hard way!
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Ju Ju
Thanks I have tried so hard you wouldn't believe......spoken , books, forum, meds, doc appt the works. He seems to think I mean all I say ...when in a strop:( ......We use to be happy and ok.Gosh I do wish it was like that again instead it may be the end .......What was the 'hard' way for you ?
....
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Maggies,
Could I PM you? I know the forum is anonymous, but I'd feel more comfortable writing about the hard times and what we have done in private. I won't be around for 24 hours, so won't be until tomorrow. Ju Ju
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He is off to work in Spain in 2 days time. That's the best thing he'll have done for years and I'm sure I'll manage just fine on my own. Olay!(coupled with click of heels!)
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Its early days for me, around 8 weeks of obvious meno symptoms and all bearable so far. I've been keeping them from my brand new husband of 8 weeks, had no libido on honeymoon at all :-\ which was challenging. He has a great dry sense of humour, recently I did share it with him, he has never seen me upset. I got weepy, his reaction and recent reaction always makes me laugh. He is going to be a tonic. At 49 finally got a keeper. :D
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My DH came back from Spain as it was all a scam and there never was a job there. He is here 24/7 and driving me and everyone else crazy. I honestly believe that if a man can't cope with PMT symptoms then the menopause will be completely beyond him. I refuse intimacy that is for his gratification, leaving me sore. Envy those who have understanding partners but good luck to them. Everyone deserves to be happy.
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My husband has been an angel I have shouted at him punched him and screamed at him but he is always there for me cooking doing the washing getting the weekly shopping and still he listens to me going on about feeling mad I love him it helped having this website I printed of the hubby bits
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Feel very lucky, hubby is sympathetic and helpful - he reads about my meno symptoms on the internet and suggests things to try, puts up with my mood swings and constant hot flushes. I work full time, he's retired but does the shopping and cleaning (I do the washing and ironing), I really appreciate what an absolute diamond he is; all night it's duvet on/duvet off, windows open/closed - and every day he tells me he loves me and that I am beautiful.
I am truly blessed :)
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I am so lucky I married my soul mate 26 years ago,he is my best friend and daily shows me the meaning of love,he understands and consoles me and tells me together we can climb any mountain ,we have coped with all my health problems through the tears and we will be each other's strength through the menopause .Love is all we need.Hilary66 :)
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My husband Is also amazing, I am just glad he hadn't left me, which is a surprise the way he is treated, and nothing happening in the bedroom dept. what a great man I have, love him so much.
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I have one of those Scampi, he just loves me for who I am and doesn't mind whether he gets something on toast or a home cooked meal for his dinner. He just wants me to feel better and does what he can to help. when I feel better I return the favour and look after him. We have a partnership :love:
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He has finally realised that saying 'it a natural process' DOESN'T HELP!
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A lot of us are very lucky! My hubby is very kind and patient even though I drive him to distraction with all this. I don't know what I would do without him.
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He is always the voice of reason and is a calmng influence in our relationship when I lose the plot. The best thing he has done for me recently was to surprise me with two tickets to Hong Kong this year so we can go on holiday with my parents, our son and his girlfriend. :)
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About three years ago, I suddenly became very unwell, a dreadful pain in my neck, insomnia, joint pains, feelings of panic, fear and just not being able to cope. I wondered what on earth had happened to me, genuinely contemplated suicide and desperately wanted my life back. I didn't recognise myself. Looking back now, I realise it was the start of menopause although I was still having regular periods. I ended up sobbing in the doctors surgery one day and was prescribed amitriptyline for my sore neck and insomnia, nobody mentioned menopause although I was 54.
My partner lives 130 miles away and I remember vividly calling him at midnight one night to say he had to come now as I was 'frightened'. He must have wondered what on earth had happened to the strong, feisty woman I used to be. Anyway, bless him, he drove down the A1 in the middle of the night and arrived with me at about 2.30 am. He came in and asked what was wrong and all I could say was 'I don't know but I'm really frightened'.
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Oh that is so sweet! I know my DH would do that too. He is my Rock espiecially the last 3 years. We have been through so much as a family lately and I just love him too bits. Might not show it when having down days but he is so supportive.
X
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He has finally realised that saying 'it a natural process' DOESN'T HELP!
Is that before or after you smash the plate over his head?
Just tell him how sympathetic you'll be when those testosterone levels decline and he has to reach for the viagra ;)
GG x
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He massages my body which calms and relaxes me, soothes my pains and makes us re-connect as a couple. Sex usually follows so its a winner for us both.
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My husband doesn't talk much about menopause, but the few times I have wanted to talk to him he has really listened and reassured me that I will be okay. He's always very quick to notice if I'm feeling low or anxious. Like I said he won't usually say anything, but he will suddenly offer to make me a cup of tea or rub my shoulders or suggest we book a night away in a hotel.
He tells me he loves me a lot, and that I'm very beautiful, even though my mirror tells me I'm nothing like the 21 year old he fell in love with. He still seems to find me physically attractive which really helps boost my ego when I'm feeling middle aged and frumpy.
While we were away on holiday he casually mentioned during conversation with our friends that he felt very lucky that he was still very much in love with his wife after all these years. It embarrassed me but I was so touched too, as he's usually only ever romantic in private. To the world at general he's always very jokey and a typical 'bloke'.
I'm quite a proud person and I hate him seeing me so low and fragile, so I try to hide my feelings from him. But I shouldn't as he has only ever been very kind and understanding, even when my behaviour is quite irrational i.e. on Friday night when I was feeling especially low and anxious he was happy to sleep with our bedside light on, even though I know he HATES sleeping with the light on. And the next morning he go up very early to take our DS to his cricket match, even though it was my turn, so I could rest. And on their way home he picked up a take away so I didn't have to cook dinner.
I don't know what I've done to deserve him. He could have had his pick of girls because he was so attractive with a great sense of humour, and always very exciting to be around. I'm so glad that he chose me.
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Passed me the wine! ;)
He's 11 years younger than me but very understanding when I just explained what was happening to me. He has been very sweet.
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My hubby is so understanding and patient, I can't praise him enough. Cup of tea in bed in the mornings or breakfast in bed when I've had a bad night. Shopping and cooking for me when I'm tired. I couldnt wish for a better man :) . Mind you its early days yet , I havent started mood swings ;D ;D
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My husband is understanding and supportive but with the mood swings I am having lately, I could quite happily choke him!
His horrendous crimes being -
breathing in an annoying way
eating in an annoying way
walking in an annoying way
talking in an annoying way
::)
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;D ;D ;D ;D
Yeh even mine has those days!
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He listens, he supports me at the docs, he's good at explaining stuff when I get all muddled etc
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Paid for private treatment!
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Filed for a divorce :'(
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Stuck it out and is still here despite my frequent attempts to drive him away :cuss: :poke2: :steamed: :rant:
He deserves a :medal:
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Been there throughout this dreadful time of severe health anxiety and panic. He's been the calming voice, and is so supportive. Had an awful time over the last few weeks, culminating in A & E Thursday morning and he took a days holiday yesterday and made me not go in and stay with him. I couldn't do this without him, honestly.
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He read the advice for husbands! Thanks for writing that. Afterwards he made me a crème brulee in a heart shaped dish. :)
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To be honest my husband is not the best in dealing with me. He is trying his hardest but he always gets it wrong but God love him he's trying. He just thinks I'm looking for attention and it's my way of getting some pity I don't want his pity I just want him to maybe go away and come back in a few years ha ha but that's not gonna happen so for now I have to just ride this out alone because no matter how I try explain what I'm going through he's never gonna understand . He does all the cooking all the cleaning helps me so much around the house but I don't want that I just want a nice heart felt cuddle n nice words but after 34 years I don't hold out any hope of that x
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I wish I had one.
IT was always my fear to be a lonely old spinster and here I am fear materialised.
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Really good that you've joined MM, then, Dandelion. I hope you're finding the support here helpful.
:foryou:
Dulciana
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the best thing my husband has done for me to help me is to love me unconditionally and continue to love me even though, at times, he has received little in return. It will be our Ruby wedding anniversary soon and, finally, things are coming together now the menopause is no longer such an issue and I am getting treatment for my anxiety.
The best thing we can do for our husbands/partners is to communicate and let them know what is happening. They are not mind readers and are not women so do not automatically understand all the meno nonsense.
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Well said Babyjane - Himself has often said "I can't read your mind, *tell* me!" ::)
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My husband just don't get it, so I printed it all out for him to read and then he felt guilty, 3 years of shear hell he said I have given him, but he's still here lol. If I'm having a bad day which is most days he comes in from work looks at me and says them effing hormones been here again, and I just laugh. He's a diamond. Never expects anything. Xx
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Best thing? Supported us financially so that I can work if and when I like. Oh, and always telling me I'm gorgeous :)
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He identified the menopause matters site and passed the details to me. I can't believe the information available. Don't feel so isolated now I have the forum with like minded women.
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I told him the other day I had my passport pictures taken to renew it and I thought I looked terrible, old and ugly, when I showed him before saying anything he said " you are beautiful, those are good pictures of you, you look really beautiful" ;D ;D ;D but he won't talk menopause matters, it's like talking to a brick wall, he doesn't want to know.
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My partner met me after my total hysterectomy with BSO. I was still in recovery really and not feeling great at all. He told me I am a real woman to him and he has been nothing but kind, romantic and supportive. He buys me flowers and tells me how beautiful I am. He has made me feel very special and given me some of my confidence back.
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Not leave me ;) seriously though, at my lowest point and after 5 weeks of little sleep, I told him that I didn't want him to suffer and more living with a permanently ill person and he should leave. He just said he loved me and wanted to be with me forever :veil: he's 7 years younger than me and quite energetic, so I do worry about appearing as decrepit as I feel inside. He is the love of my life and I met him aged 50 after 8 years of being single and a year of hrt. 😍
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Leave. I didn't think it at the time, but in my current state I am rather glad I am single. Sweaty, crabby and blubbing over nothing all the time is not terribly attractive so I'd rather keep this to myself.
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Good Morning everyone
I have just joined today & hoping to find solace here.
My husband works till 4am and has told me to put the soaked end of the duvet over to his side of the bed so i can try and get back to sleep again. ( so sweet) He also never moans if i need the fan blasting on both our faces with the windows open even though its cold outside.
When i come downstairs with 2 lots of spaked nighties & pj bottoms 2 pillowcases and a mattress pad in my arms , he says oh Darling give me those i can set the washing machine.he says this every morning. And asks if i need anything iced ribena or toast.
I never thought id ever meet such a loving man . I got married last ;Dnovember aged 49 .
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I've found that the best support I receive is from my grown up son. Throughout our lives we have been through so much together that we have found we have a very special connection. If we're apart he knows if there is something wrong with me. I know my son and My partner, not his dad, talk a lot and my OH takes his lead from my son. However they both recently realised they were doing something monumentally wrong, and that was to follow my lead. Sometimes, I need someone to take the reigns rather than follow me. Like I said to my son,don't follow me, I'm lost!!!!
My partner is not big at showing emotions (although he came rushing to my side when I burst into tears last weekend for no reason, which was a surprise really). I have printed off the husbands advice for us to read together, hopefully tonight. But I know he loves me. Xx
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He does his best which is all he can do really, however one thing that would really help that he doesn't take on board is this (and I hope he can hear) LEAVE YOUR DAMN MOBILE PHONE SWITCHED ON AND WITH YOU WHEN YOU ARE AWAY!!!!!!
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I could have hugged my husband today in the supermarket but I didn't. It is only recently I have started going with him to do our shopping because of my anxiety, he has been going alone for some time. We only had a small shop to do so off we went.
He likes to go through the self checkout, I don't as I get in a muddle but as he was there too I went to the self checkout. Between us we got the shopping through but I got in a muddle with the payment. He didn't make an issue of it or start doing it for me, he just gently said "take your time, there's no rush". He knew I could do it if I calmed down and I did. I love that man :)
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My partner is always there for me, no matter how many times that I have been horrible to him and pushed him away. He truly listens to me, and has all the time for me, despite him having a busy career. He is a very positive person, despite what he has seen in his career. His positivity helps me at times. He makes me laugh, when I am down, and surprises me with little gifts. There is nothing that he will not do for me, however I dont mean he is a doormat.
I apologise for my behaviour to him and feel so unhappy about how I behave, however the peri menopause and menopause on top of what I already have, can turn me into a pyschotic mad woman. Hormonal upheaval makes my existing anxiety and depression so much worse.
He tries to understand how I feel with agoraphobia, anxiety, social anxiety and depression, not to mention the mood swings. He has been put through hell emotionally I am sure, because of me, but he stays, he is calm, positive and reassuring and he never ever has given up on me, when I know most men would have.
I have had mental health issues since 14, but never sought help until a few years ago. Unfortunately due to cutbacks the help was almost non existent. I self help instead.
The peri menopause and menopause made me so ill as it aggravated my mental health. that I had an hellish breakdown. I went through bad enough times with severe pre menstrual tension and post natal depression. The breakdown was the worst. That was in the last few years.The peri menopause and menopause made me so ill as it aggravated my mental health. that I had an hellish breakdown. I went through bad enough times with severe pre menstrual tension and post natal depression. The breakdown was the worst. That was in the last few years. It left me agoraphobic. It left me agoraphobic, however I can get out with my gorgeous dog, or a trusted person.
If a partner stays with the other who is going through bad times be it mental or physical health then I believe that truly shows the meaning of the word "love".
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My OH read through this last night and thought it was great advice. Apparently he had been searching for a male forum to support partners through it, which he hadn't been able to find so this was brill advice. He actually said it should be a leaflet produced inside all HRT products for women to give to their OH!!
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My husband can be challenging! But when he thinks I'm struggling he suggest we bloat out and watch a film, whilst snacking on whatever I want. If I'm getting really ratty, he just hides! Which is actually quite funny and usually pulls be back to the 'here and now'. Love him. x
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Whilst I was going out of my gourd Manic again he went online & signed me up to this group just hoping it would help me to realise menopause was triggering me. Not sure how I got so lucky. 8)
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Hi Redthelma
:welcomemm:
Oh how lovely of your partner to do that for you. There's always plenty of help and support on here.
Lanzalover x
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Last night my husband (yet again in the spare room and disturbed by my intermittent bursts of hormonal tears) got up at 4am and came to keep me company because he said he didn't want me to feel like I had to face it alone. It made me feel very lucky
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My first post. I spotted this discussion and wanted to mention my husband who has been so pleased at the effect of HRT on me that the other night he came to bed - naked as usual - but with a piece of sellotape on his behind. He made a big deal of making sure I saw it and said ‘these HRT patches are amazing aren't they. I'm giving it a go...' This is typical of his weird and warped sense of humour but because we can laugh about it I've been able to tell him honestly how I'm being affected by menopausal sysmptoms and he's been able to understand and be supportive. He also appreciates the happier, calmer me and understands the effect of the menopause better.
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Hi Bettythecat, welcome to the forum. That made me laugh, your husband sounds like a real treasure. Glad the patches are working for both of you :)
JP x
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Thanks JP pleased to join the forum!
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Mine brought his beer fridge in from the garage to the bedroom and left it on by my side of the bed with the door open to cool me down :-D :-D :-D
He also buys me flowers every time I have a bad doctor's appointment. I've had more flowers in the last 3 months than I have in the past 3 years. Love him <3
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I got a text this afternoon asking what I was doing Thursday. My reply was followed by an invite to a spa day at a local hotel.
(He is a lovely, wonderful person but spontaneous grand acts of material affection are not his usual MO. I must be in a right state!)
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My Husband is not one for being spontaneous at all and usually expects me to take the lead!!! Since I have started going through the menopause he has become more accepting of my how shall I say "challenging personalities" lol. He knows when to make an exit when he senses I am going into meltdown and turn into someone who has tourettes syndrome.... yes I could make any nun blush with the verbal I come out with sometimes and for him to try to help me talk it out just makes me more angry, so he has cottoned on pretty quickly. But little things he does, I know he is trying his best to understand what it is I am going through. For example when the hot flashes started. He took himself off and purchased around 6 mini fans, strategically placed them all around the house so at the touch of the switch I could have instant relief... he also went and bought fine mist sprays, even smaller handbag typed ones so I could spritz when the need arose... He takes over when he can see that the hot flushes are imminent and I am in the throws of doing something, without fuss even though I can be pretty crabby.... how dare he take the reins..... but he is getting better.... ;)
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Sometimes he goes out.
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My partner is being great at the moment. I think he gets that I am going through a really hard time and it is now that I realise the strength of the commitment we made to each other 20 year ago. When the chips are down, he is there for me.
He bought me a lovely present for my birthday and spent quite a lot of money on it. He said I deserved it and never ask for anything for myself.
I think the menopause is the worst thing that has ever happened to me but out of this has come the surprise that after 25 years together, my husband does really care for me like he did when we first met. I hope that when he needs me, I can be there for him in the same way.
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Absolutely buggerall. :-\
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Cheer up Dancing Queen, you won't be the only one, that's for sure!
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Give him a :kick: but what else does he do? Can't be all bad :-\
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He does the washing and the ironing and lets me do what I like! Suits me! 😁
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Sounds my kind of Guy :D
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Yeah but you might need a few laughs and sex occasionally! Washing and ironing doesnt quite fill the excitement bucket 😉
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:D ........ what's ironing, remind me ;)
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My husband calls me "goddess" and says he worships me! He tells me he loves me every day. (fingers down throat everyone!!!:sick02:) He loves to cook so he does all that. He will iron shirts and trousers when asked. He often runs me a bath with bubbles and candles "just because"! and sometimes buys flowers from Tesco when he's out..."just because he knows I like them". I can be exactly who I am around him - like mushyjam49 - that would be "challenging" to say the least! Bearing in mind we work together in our business in a tiny office, so we are together 24/7, I would say he has the patience of a saint! I think the best thing that has helped is that he has been very understanding and caring about the changes in our sex life and how I feel about my body. Loss of libido has really confused me. I don't think about sex but I know I should, I don't often want it and that upsets me...and I am worried about how he feels...it has been the most conflicting bit of the change for me. We discuss everything and I mean everything about our lives which when you have challenges has to make it better, right? He never seems to judge me.
We laugh at some point every day even when I am in the depths of depression (which is/has been often since we met) he can usually raise at least one smile. If I am having a really bad day he says "go have a lie down, I'll hold the fort" or "put your shoes on, we're going for a drive". Obviously we can do this because we work for ourselves. People think we are a bit weird because we are always together.
As far as he is concerned I am pretty smug because I have a totally wonderful husband! - he does drive me mad occasionally but there are no real gripes, although when he has had his moments they are spectacularly bad! We have been married 19 years in May and it is a second marriage for both of us...looks like we got it right second time round. Reading this, it sounds amazing - well it hasn't always been, he has a disassociative personality disorder which reared it's head often in the first 8 years of our marriage but only 3 times in the last 10 and our lives have been filled with illness and a lot of dead relatives. I suppose my meno isn't that bad against all that. I would be totally lost without him.
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Hello Ladybt,
What a wonderful husband! Fancy a swap? ;D
Conolly X
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Not in a million years Conolly! I was going to say that when he was "poorly with his episodes" gladly.. but actually thinking about it, I didn't leave then when I could have so no... I cant imagine my life without him and it is actually my worst nightmare to even contemplate something like that, I don't know how I would cope. What about you Connolly? Partners, husband..? Can't remember...?
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You take time to appreciate each other. That is also respectful. We are pretty similar ;)
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Not in a million years Conolly! I was going to say that when he was "poorly with his episodes" gladly.. but actually thinking about it, I didn't leave then when I could have so no... I cant imagine my life without him and it is actually my worst nightmare to even contemplate something like that, I don't know how I would cope. What about you Connolly? Partners, husband..? Can't remember...?
Nope, unfortunately only lovers ;D
Treasure all moments with your lovely husband, Ladybt :-*
Conolly X
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ahh but lovers count too! Some "lucky" women can be menopausal and have a lover (although I might get shot down in flames on here for that?) ..they need to be considerate like anyone else you meet? My husband is my lover, albeit much less than he used to be poor man!
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DH is my Lover :-*
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I want a lover...found one unfortunately he couldnt hack it..get all my emotional support from my female best friend . Sadly we dont fancy each other lol. But would like male company too for drinks laughs and a bit of the other!😄 omg I sound like a dating website!
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Hello Dancing Queen,
;D Have you ever talked to him about it? Maybe he would fancy it too? ;D Having lived for 20 years with a man and not knowing him at all, I can tell you that you NEVER know...
Conollly X
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Hi Rik yes theres an idea a dating site for menopausal women who have useless partners and dont fancy being lesbians...It would be a smash hit. I can imagine my profile..."A bit wrinkly and saggy but everything still works' 😅
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Why did I call you Rik Jaypo? Must add Slightly Demented to my dating profile! 😄
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Maybe its a Freudian slip Dancingqueen- maybe that's the name of your lover in another dimension, or another life or one you are going to pick up on a dating site.
I was told by a tarot card reader that I was going to meet a man and fall in love within 6 months and that his star sign was Leo. I was flirting with a gemini at the time and said I didn't know any Leo's. Within a couple of months I had met my second husband and he is a Leo! Maybe the stars have a man named Rik lined up in your future?
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I don`t care what he`s called as long as he is male! Would love to be a lesbian as women are so much easier to get along with than men but unfortunately I prefer the real thing to strap ons and as for touching boobs....uurgh :o
Oh yeah I like them quite hairy too ;D
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That`s lovely Jaypo glad you re-found him again. I deffo wouldn`t want the one I had when I was 18 back again although we are still in touch via facebook but NO WAY! ;)
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I have been married for 25 years and we have two adult children. My husband insisted I give up work and take a break when my anxiety was at it's peak :-* He is kind and generous and helps me to analyse things I am afraid of (mainly relating to health anxiety and scary statistics). He struggled when I had really bad PND after our first child (we both did) but he seems to be trying more with the peri :) Mostly I love him but there are times when I can't stand to be in the same room but that's my hormones! ::)
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On 28 th December , 3 weeks before I was 51, I came home to find my husband gone . Refuses to see or speak to me in any capacity . That was the extent of his support during menopause
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My husband calls me "goddess" and says he worships me! He tells me he loves me every day. (fingers down throat everyone!!!:sick02:) He loves to cook so he does all that. He will iron shirts and trousers when asked. He often runs me a bath with bubbles and candles "just because"! and sometimes buys flowers from Tesco when he's out..."just because he knows I like them". I can be exactly who I am around him - like mushyjam49 - that would be "challenging" to say the least! Bearing in mind we work together in our business in a tiny office, so we are together 24/7, I would say he has the patience of a saint! I think the best thing that has helped is that he has been very understanding and caring about the changes in our sex life and how I feel about my body. Loss of libido has really confused me. I don't think about sex but I know I should, I don't often want it and that upsets me...and I am worried about how he feels...it has been the most conflicting bit of the change for me. We discuss everything and I mean everything about our lives which when you have challenges has to make it better, right? He never seems to judge me.
We laugh at some point every day even when I am in the depths of depression (which is/has been often since we met) he can usually raise at least one smile. If I am having a really bad day he says "go have a lie down, I'll hold the fort" or "put your shoes on, we're going for a drive". Obviously we can do this because we work for ourselves. People think we are a bit weird because we are always together.
As far as he is concerned I am pretty smug because I have a totally wonderful husband! - he does drive me mad occasionally but there are no real gripes, although when he has had his moments they are spectacularly bad! We have been married 19 years in May and it is a second marriage for both of us...looks like we got it right second time round. Reading this, it sounds amazing - well it hasn't always been, he has a disassociative personality disorder which reared it's head often in the first 8 years of our marriage but only 3 times in the last 10 and our lives have been filled with illness and a lot of dead relatives. I suppose my meno isn't that bad against all that. I would be totally lost without him.
Where can you find these species?? I have looked in Tesco and Morrisons but they don't seem to stock them at all!!!! ;D ;D ;D
Sounds like a definite keeper to me ;) ;)
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My partner is so very caring and attemptive but I still haven't told him I'm perimenopausal. I have not been myself since I had a massive hemorrhage and not feeling good at the time (very weak and tired, even when dizziness has stopped fortunately). He has been wonderful to me through this.
I don't know how to break the news to him since I've always lacked self confidence and we've been together for only 4 years and I still feel like this is a new relationship and it makes me nervous. I know he had a post menopausal partner before me but she was stunningly beautiful, blonde, nordic and exotic, had blue eyes and gigantic boobs and looked my age even when she was 12 year older than me. I've never been a looker in my life, not even when I was young. I'm a weird nerd with homely looks, no boobs, no social habilities and an unhealthy love for Star Trek and all things nerdy. So I'm not confident enough to tell him. I guess I'll wait until I stop having menses in a few years from now. I hope Qlaira will make me grow boobs since some ladies here said it can happen :)
And I hope BCP and then HRT will delay my physical decay
My previous partner of 20 years was abusive, cheating and a big piece of s#** so I guess I'm fortunate my first hot flashes arrived just two weeks ago and not when I still was with him.
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Cacarosa/ i am sure your partner will understand, he must know that women go through this change,
You could explain that if you don't feel on top form that you are ging through the menopause, and if you seem a bit not your usual self that is why,
I often wonder if women do actually say anything to their partners, or wait until it is mentioed about being a bit grumpy etc
I don't have a partner now so i don't know how i would deal with it,
I think bringing it into conversation, would be better than them wondering what the heck is up
If you say his previous partner was so gorgeous and you lack confidence ,why? he must love you, and see qualities in you that he didn't find in her,and yes boobs do get bigger, mine are much bigger than they were once,even though i wasn't flat chested, they continue to grow, and i don't want them to grow anymore, as i am only small, just under 5ft,or i will end up top heavy,
I think the HRT has something to do with it maybe, but you don't see many flat chested older women do you?
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Thanks a lot, Jaycee for your lovely words
Well for the time being I think my partner doesn't need me to give him a reason for my tiredness and moodiness since it was him who took me to ER and has seen me hemorrhaging and in pain so I think it doesn't hurt if by the moment I leave him blame it on the anemia and the new BCP... think I need more time to process I'm peri myself since I had my first hot flashes only two weeks ago and never before had thought I could be entering menopause. I may be 46 but in my mind I've always been 8 years old :)
Yes, there are many older flat women. My mum for example is 70 had 4 girls and is flatter than me XD not even lactating had boobs but well she looks at the bright side of it, she says that other women her age have boobs so hanging that they can use them as scarfs but her two little spots stay in place :)
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Cacarosa,i am so sorry, i have only just seen your reply to mine on this thread,i had been on the other thread with you and not noticed this
I am sorry you had an abusive partner before this,i also did, twice, was stupid enough to get caught the second time with a similiar man
Not anymore,
Your partner now sounds lovely, and i am sure he would understand, as he has been so supportive in the past with your health problems
Don't worry about having boobs, i tried everything when i was younger, and as your mum says some women could wear them like scarves,lol, mine are not like that,but the HRT has made a difference i think, but i don't want to get looking matronly either
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We've been asked the question:
"What's the best thing your partner has done to help you through the menopause?"
Your answers could create a resource here to help your relationships with your partners.
My sweetheart reminds who I am and also reminds me that what I am going through is temporary and that we will get through this together. He also tries to cook sometimes :D
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Hi,
My hubby is just brilliant, he listens, doesn't judge, doesn't complain, always there for a cuddle and a shoulder to cry on.
Couldn't go through all this without him
:)
Gillyv
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Mine cooks. Never blames me for anything. Has the ability to switch off when I rant at the TV :-\
He puts up with my Mum :-\ :'( ::)
He is non demanding in :bed:, full of encouragement ;)
Never pressures me to go out and about and tries not to wake me when I sleep on the sofa in the afternoon, I could hear him moving things in the kitchen eversoquietly last week then he dropped a pan. Then there was silence B4 I said "I was kind of awake" ;D. Did I say, he cooks ;)
Do read and print off 'hints for husbands' if you are worried that your partner isn't 'getting it'!
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Poor man hasnt really had chance to get used to it yet- I didnt! happened almost overnight (just a few weeks). But when the pharmacy didnt have my hrt preseciption he was prepared to go the end of the earth practically to find one that did. Yeah, I was that bad!! Poor man. I think he's getting his head around it. I've sent this thread to him. which may help. He is being very lovely tho.
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Sadly, for me, my long-term partner of nearly 17 years, gave up on me ages ago, stopped loving me, started fancying other women and kind of went behind my back. When I found out, we split up. We both no longer trusted each other and I had gone into severe depression accompanied by long term social anxiety.
Long story short ...
I went into perimenopause around the age of 43 after recovering from depression after a missed misscarriage. At the time I was starting to have terrible mood swings which my partner called 'black moods'. Neither of us knew at the time what was going on and we muddled through. By the time we discovered what was really happening to me... the clue was hot flashes which started in December 2017...the damage was already done!
Looking back, I was awful to live with at times but not constantly. I was still very loving but he would come home from work not knowing what kind of mood I would be in. I just wish someone could have told us way back then what was happening to me as we might have been able to work it out and still be together.
So, I now find myself on my own battling my way through this horrible phase of my life. My antidepressants haven't kicked in yet even though I'm nearly into week 5. All of my partner's female friends and family are much younger than me so I had no one to confide in or share notes with. At least those who I will keep in contact with, I might be able to offer support and advice to when they reach this stage in life; although, I think many of them are now aware because of what I have told them and because of what has happened to us! I really hope I get another chance at love in this lifetime and hopefully find someone who really is supportive, loving and understanding!
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Nothing!!
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Hey baby the fact they have done nothing, is that a good thing or a bad thing? (I'm guessing bad :()
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Basically I could be crawling on the floor sobbing and he does nothing or I could be having a good day and he does nothing. No hugs no encouragement like it's a woman's problem and I have to get on with it. Been married for 30 years but he seems to have no emotions.x :(
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Mine loved me from the day we met. Otherwise we wouldn't be together this far along the years!
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We used to talk but I think because I have always suffered with anxiety he just cannot believe that how I am can be caused by hormones. I told him about the information for husbands and he said he wasn't going to waste his time reading about menopause because HE was living it. X
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No help there then! You stay with him for any particular reason? I would be spitting bricks!!
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I do love him and he is a good person. A few people I know think he is depressed. He is a very black and white thinker. He doesnt really believe in mental health even tho our daughter has problems. I think he follows his mother, she's quite unemotional. When he told her I was in menopause she said well you just have to get on with it.
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Well was talking to a neighbour about the menopause yesterday. Her hubby was there too. She's doing well on her HRT. Anyway her hubby turned round and said you ladies need lots of love and hugs at this time of life and he gave me one massive hug. Ain't a bad thing when you get hugs from a neighbour and not your other half.
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;D :D :-* paid off my loan...so just gotta get myself sorted. Hugged me and just said I want you to be happy.. x
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...Sleep in a separate bed !! ;D
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Stayed away from me 🤣🤣
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When I come out with (yet another) symptom he believes me.
When I am crying and telling him I feel useless he comforts me.
When I can't do anything because I haven't slept or my bones and head ache he takes over.
He listens, and as much as he can, he understands.
Shame he won't get to see this as it's the nicest thing I've said about him in 20 years... ;D
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He loves and cares for me more then I do for myself. He believes in me and helps me blow my nose when I can't because I cry so badly. ;D
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Believed me and tried to understand. Taken over when I can't cope and given me permission to not do stuff or have time to myself when I'm overwhelmed. Sounds strange I know, he's not controlling or anything but sometimes I need someone to step in and actually tell me. Showing me that he loves and cares for me as much as I do for him; we have a future together despite everything and me being 'funny in the head' at the moment.
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Left.
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Tootsey11 :rofl:
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Ah, Tootsey11, bless you ;D
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My hubby doesn't really understand this whole menopause stuff !! he's got problems of his own regarding mental health & nerve pain, so I don't really say a lot to him. He knows I've got hot flushes, but anything else I don't think he gets !!! ::) We've been together since we were 15 & are in our 36th year of wedded bliss, so now, we've both got various health problems to deal with. :D
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What support does DH get for his mental health issues? MIND are very good.
There is a list to print out for husbands on the Forum somewhere ......... gives them a little idea ;-)
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He loves me. Regardless :-*
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Print off the Advice for Husbands post, it's pinned in one of the forums. I did that and gave it to OH and DD to read. It gives them an understanding of what you're going through and why you might not be your normal cheerful self.
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That's the 1, I'll try and bump the page Lindyh.
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Being there every single day for me since I was 16 and still loving and supporting me 43 years on.
He walks alongside me every single step of this menopause journey (nightmare :)
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My husband always brings me a cat if I’m depressed or tearful 😿
Best good feeling In the midst of it all
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My husband like myself didn’t and still don’t understand all this peri/menopause
He couldn’t understand how it effects the whole of me ( aniexty etc ) having never suffering this until this year
He always says we get through it and this is part of life now babe ( it’s not a good thing for him to say lol but I suppose to him it’s so I will get used to it )
He listens all the time I don’t think he actually takes it in but just listening is good enough for me
If he had a wand to take it all away I know he would
We have been together far to long for this to interfere with our marriage as we come as a package & the next 10 or more years I’m his package lol 😂
He said he looks at me sometimes & feels sorry for me as he knows this gets too much for me but he will always try his hardest to cheer me up or take my mind off things.
He can’t help me but him just being around is good enough .. I sound like a broken record sometimes but he just takes in his stride
I’ve not felt the angry feelings yet …. & I hope I never do but Maybe then things will change and he might run for the hills 😂😂😂😂😂😂
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Acknowledge it and understand that sometimes the symptoms are something beyond my control. He has proactively looked to get educated on it and he was the one that recommended the David McCall documentary after he watched it. He also encourages me to take time out for myself and spots the signs when I need to get out and run it off!
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My husband has supported me through 3 years of extreme stress, anxiety, depression (which I now think was peri-menopause) followed by utter hysterical paranoia around covid whilst waiting 9 months for a hysterectomy (he admitted he had found me really difficult to be with).. some of this whilst going through his own depression due to furlough…
And now he wants to know all my updates on my latest VA trials and makes me laugh when I start to stress about it, by asking which is the latest ‘lab lube’ ;D
I am one lucky lady :)
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My partner is a total legend, he understands as best he can. We've always discussed everything with each other, and that's been a really important factor in our relationship.
I feel sorry for partners of meno ladies, it can't be an easy road if we're going through it, and I've been hit with the sh1tty end of the hormone stick, so I'm incredibly grateful to have the love and support. :)
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Such a tricky question. He's been like a rabbit in the headlights, although that obviously has meant he has stuck around. Last time I tried to talk to him about my peri symptoms, he just said they'd been really difficult for him, which gave me the rage, so I stopped trying to have that conversation and did a lot of research about divorce/shared parenting/rental prices etc.
I have been difficult to live with, but so have these symptoms. It's been darker than dark and I've been so grateful for this forum. I've wanted to leave him with every mood swing. Now I'm absorbing lots of oestrogen through my skin every day, I like him again. This will probably also be quite confusing for him.
It all makes me wonder if men and women are really designed to live together long-term, or if oestrogen is just the veil that makes us tolerate our fellas through our fertile years. ;D
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I was hoping how I was in my fertile years was 'normal' and the ranting old hag I became was the aberration! Funnily enough I felt the same about my OH. He's my soul mate but if wasn't for DD who was too young to leave I could easily have walked out. I'm so glad I didn't.
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I'm hoping I'll feel that way in the long run too, @Sheila99. Fingers crossed.
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Hello ladies.
I saw an interview with Louise Newson and she said that she experienced terrible moods when her meno began. She considered leaving her husband but her young daughters pointed out that if that happened they would rather live with their father because she was always being so mean!
Sheila99 - I also think back to my pre meno days when I felt 'normal' and wish I could have stayed like that. Unfortunately Mother Nature had different plans.
Take care ladies.
K.
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That's good point, Kathleen!
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My husband has been my best friend throughout and more understanding than some of my female friends and colleagues in dealing with my less friendly days. He’s always been willing to listen when I need to get out how I feel and then give me a hug and tell me he loves me. No magic fix but I know he’s there even on the worst days as my champion.
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My husband is wonderful. He’s supported me every step of the way and it’s not been easy. Me crying every day, anxious, paranoid - nothing like the younger person I was. Yet he encourages me, holds me, loves me, talks to me, makes me feel like I’m his whole world.
I just wish I could feel better and be the woman he fell in love with 30 years ago xx
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My husband has fully supported me leaving my job this month. Working for a call centre for the last 2 years where people are regularly abusive, rude, shouting, difficult etc. has really taken its toll on my mental and physical health, as I have been trying to push through work days while suffering a variety of sh*tty perimenopause symptoms. Anxiety went through the roof certain times of the month and started to suffer panic attacks and uncontrollable crying while trying to work. My husband is encouraging me to take time out and put myself first and concentrate on feeling better.
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My husband is always ready to bring me everything I need. He also is a perferct listener so he knows how to support me
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The best thing my husband did was leave me before I started the menopause! It's lovely to read of your supporting husbands, hold on to them no matter how bad you feel!
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Thanks for posting this @KaycieB it can't have ben easy for you, but it does help those of us with less than perfect relationships!
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Best thing my husband ever did was the day I was screaming at him like a banshee about nothing and the dog was quaking in the corner.
He hugged me and said “don’t take this the wrong way, but I think this is menopausal. Why don’t you go and speak to a doctor and discuss your options, because I’m sure it doesn’t have to be like this”. I burst into tears, then made an appointment.
Bless him. He’s reaping the benefits of HRT as much as I am.
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My husband Michael is very supportive and when I have had a tough time coping, he is always patient and loving which is very helpful and I don’t take it for granted and I feel blessed.
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I've Been blessed with the best partner EVER ,
He has his faults , we all do
But since all this started he's doing the cooking and cleaning and even the washing ,
When I get panic attacks at 4am etc he will drive me to the hospital car park (knowing it calms me down as I'm convinced I'm going to die) ,
He's been to AnE at the hospital so many times one weekend he was shattered sitting at the side of me (3rd visit) and I had to make him go and sleep in our SUV , he said he didn't want to leave me on my own there
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Oh toomuchstress. This made me cry happy tears. Beautiful man.
Mine, even when bewildered at my Jekyll and Hyde alter egos, the tears, the rages, the pain, he simply holds out his arms, wherever and whenever. Calms me immensely.
Yeah. Blessed. X
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I'm just super grateful that my husband is so very patient with me! Like when I can't see the milk in the 'fridge when it's right in front of me, or I don't remember the conversation that we've repeated several times already this week. Or I want a lie down with a migraine when I should be doing something useful/important at home.
I'd get so annoyed with him if he kept forgetting something I'd asked him to do. In fact I used to, but now, realising how patient he is with me, I've learnt to be more patient with him too. We're all only human!
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Not shout back when I roar and weep
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He told me to quit my new job that I hated and that we'd manage without my income. The combination of a job that was very different to the one I'd been 'sold' and some bad peri symptoms (that I hadn't totally realised were happening) left me a complete mess. I'm stubborn by nature but he told me it was ok to quit and my health was more important.
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I feel lucky as my husband seems to understand and does everything he can to support me, a couple of years back I was really bad with health anxiety and he just always did what I needed him to do and it worked for us. I still get the anxiety just not as much and he always just says we can do what you feel like e.g going for a walk which helps no matter what the time of day 💕 good to talk even when you don’t feel like it
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CosmicGirl - that's lovely. I was raised to be in work immediately I left College, so when I became ill it was hard to realise that we could, in fact, manage.
....trandall ........ we do what I am able to do, rarely planning too far ahead so that being spontaneous is easier to deal with
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I feel totally blessed with my husband who constantly communicate with me. When I am down in the dumps he asks what can he get me, what can he do for me to make me feel better. I put on 2 stones since feeling hormonal but I don't feel judged. He always says I'm beautiful and he feels lucky for having me in his life and being married to him. Knowing the love is there it helps me feel secure. Bless to all the supportive partners out there. Look after yourselves gals who are going through these tough times it's a tough journey. I've been journaling alot the vintage type and feel it helps download my thoughts on paper. :-*
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That's lovely N786@123. Agree that writing things out can help too.
Wx
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Suggested I went on HRT