Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: kathie22 on April 27, 2025, 03:30:20 PM
-
So how do you get someone to wear their hearing ad ??? 🤨 My partner refuses to wear his and it’s driving me mad Everything I say I have to say twice I have to virtually bellow at him on a bad day and it’s just exhausting He misses so much stuff I ask him to do but claims I’ve never asked and constantly says it’s because I whisper I feel very isolated and lonely because I’ve now basically given up with him We moved 2 years ago so I have no friends to speak to and no longer work and due to health issues any rarely get out and about as I used to Our kids despair of him and now even social occasions are becoming difficult He knows he has a problem and has gone down the expensive private route and also the NHS system Last time the audiologist said that he should go back if he had issues but he refuses to make the appt
Any suggestions Ladies ??
-
:beat: :poke2: :kick: Make a note of what U want to tell him, hand over and retreat.
It is SO annoying. In recent weeks mine has started walking away when talking to me >:( we live in a big house with a long garden. He mutters and often doesn't finish the sentence out loud then swears that he has told me !!!!
I've got so that if he calls from the kitchen when I am elsewhere I simply 'don't hear' him :-\.
What would he tell his friends to do in his situation? Push comes to shove, go quiet for a while 2 C whether he notices. Also explain that you feel isolated and will be seeking hobbies outside of the home, mayB go out and about with your children without him if they live close by? Sometimes making a point to a stubborn [usually] man is the way to put foot down with firm hand.
Here we have a his/hers calendar as well as making lists: if it ain't on the list it ain't happening!
Let us know how you get on. Does he have the TV up loud?
-
Shakes the windows 🤣
So loud if I’m upstairs watching I usually give up and read instead
Probs is I’m noise sensitive so his normal is agony to me
-
Does he have a reason not to wear them? Discomfort or too much background noise?
-
DH told me when I posed the subject: cook an evening meal for yourself and when he asks where his plate might be, "Well I called U!" ;)
It's apparently a Man Thing >:(
-
Hi Shelia
He does say that it’s all the background noise so he can’t here a close conversation but can hear one across the room
I do get it But it’s a difficult life for me Just as isolating as if I wasn’t able to hear
He’s tried to get things adjusted but nothing worked
-
So standing in the doorway to speak to him might be a way to go ? Starting with "I would like to impart some information " ;-). I would be losing my temper I'm afraid, I'm worth more than being ignored!
-
CLKD my hubby does the same thing. Starts saying something then walks away still talking. Then he gets annoyed when I shout across the house, what did you say?
kathie22 - could your hubby be a bit embarrassed about his failing hearing? Maybe refusing to wear his hearing aid as he "doesn't really need it" as a real man would just get on with it? I know my hubby won't ask for medical help unless it's virtually life threatening - a need to tough it out as asking for help can be seen as weak. (If you're a caveman).
-
Honestly, and this is going to sound harsh, if he's anything like my OH the only thing you can do is let him feel the pain sufficiently to want to get the problem sorted out.
That said it does sound like he's really tried to get help as you say he's tried both NHS and private options, so it must be very frustrating for him. Maybe you can research options for him then give him the information so he can decide what he wants to do.
I'd also suggest finding some hobbies for yourself and maybe some clubs that you can join in the area. You mention health problems, and without knowing how your're affected (no need to explain), I'd say clubs may have members who are willing to help you get to meetings etc. or you could take taxis. Do what you can to make new friends.
-
Getting old ..
Yes he finds infuriating I think his defensiveness/ denial is his way of coping He hates the downward spiral of aging and all it brings and he’s had a rougher time than alot of people
I have looked into the social scene locally but to be honest it’s all yoga Pilates and walking groups None of which I’m able to take part in Still summers coming so we can sit on the beach and ignore each other 🤣 at least they’ll be something to look at
-
I think a lot of men are like that. They don't want to be seen as weak and asking for help.
What about the WI? Some offer lots of interesting stuff, or maybe a crafting group? Is that something you may be interested in?
-
I think the issue is does he want to engage in conversation with you or not?
I know a couple of people who are profoundly deaf for whom hearing aids are not an option. This doesn't preclude them from having relationships and being present and interested in the people around them.
They sign, lipread, write or use apps where you speak and it comes up as text.
It sounds as if he is not that interested in what you have to say, which is more to do with the relationship rather than simply a hearing deficit.
Dealing with this when you have no local support network must be especially hard - please know that physical limitations do not mean you have to be isolated, there are opportunities for building social connections that aren't contingent on being able to power walk or do headstands.
I also lost most of my old friends after becoming disabled at 34, partly because I could no longer do the things they were doing, but mostly I pushed them away, unable to bear watching them living the life that should have been mine.
Eventually after getting treatment that allowed me to sit up and live a somewhat limited but meaningful life, I was able to make new friends through church, volunteering and acting - none of which require standing. There will be opportunities for you too, it just takes being that bit more creative and resourceful.
-
Ugh, I feel you! It’s sooo frustrating when they won’t wear the hearing aid. Maybe he’s just in denial or embarrassed, but sometimes the only way to get through is to be blunt. Honestly, if he’s not gonna meet you halfway, maybe it’s time to focus on yourself, find a hobby or something that makes you happy. Summer’s coming, so you can enjoy some "me time" at the beach!
-
Any progress on this ?
-
Progress.. No
But he did wear it for a few hours after a family do when a few people commented on his lack of response 🤣
But since then it’s back in the box
Thing is I know he knows 😉
-
That little window of progress after the family do says a lot, he knows, like you said. Might take a few more public nudges like that before it clicks. Until then, deep breaths… and maybe keep planting those subtle seeds.
-
Thank you Sophia
Yes deep breaths are needed .. especially as I have to say everything twice 🤣 In fact I automatically repeat myself now .. sometimes he looks at me and says “Actually I heard you the first time “ 🤨 Lucky I love the awkward old devil
Still nobody’s perfect
-
But there's no need 4 him to be stubborn! I would be writing a note to hold in front of him each time: "I need to talk and you need to listen". ;)