Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Other Health Discussion => Topic started by: HellsBells on October 01, 2024, 10:53:18 AM
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I have recently started psychotherapy for unresolved issues causing me deep unhappiness in my life. I have found a SUPERB therapist and as expected my issues stem from a rather harsh parenting style and young narcissistic parents. Add to that I have found myself in an extended family situation (husband's) with the same type of cruel bullies.
I wanted to ask - does anyone else suffer from what are known as 'therapy hangovers'? I am wiped out after a session, physically and mentally. It feels like I have run 5 miles and cried for half an hour. The equivalent of. I have an awful lot to unravel and decades of extreme stress.
I am contemplating stopping as it is overwhelming. I may resort to retail and food therapy - haha.
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Of course people feel drained. Revelation uses a lot of bravery and brain power. How often are your sessions planned for and have you been given homework? I was ::)
It helped me to vent, to a complete stranger with no background knowledge of my circumstances. Someone who would listen and who couldn't say "That couldn't have happened. Your parents were X, Y, Z".
MayB journalling would help? Writing it down, out of your head. If my notes had been read I would have been committed at the very least :o but oh Boy it really helped clear my head. This mayB early days 4 U.
U can be in control of these sessions. I used to have an hour-ish.
I grew up with a narcissistic mother - long story short - but didn't realise until after Dad died in 2006 and she began her tricks on the next man who moved in!
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Feeling overwhelmed is a sign that you are getting to the core of your issues so do see this as a massive positive and try to push through. Share with your therapist how you are feeling so that sessions can be adapted to slow down the process for you.
You are doing well!
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Therapy is difficult and it gets hard before it gets better, especially when there is trauma. You are probably touching on “hot” topics, and it is painful, requires a lot of energy, we feel vulnerable after a good session. Speak with your therapist about how you feel after sessions, overall this is really good sign that you are on right track of healing. Good luck!
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This is something that worries me about therapy. I've considered it a few times but know that it would bring a lot of stuff to the surface, and as I can't do the one thing that would make me feel better (tell my mother how I really felt about her) I'm not sure it's worth it.
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U could write her a letter getting_old ........ vent, vent, vent - then burn it. Slowly ;-)
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U could write her a letter getting_old ........ vent, vent, vent - then burn it. Slowly ;-)
That's a good idea. I hadn't thought of doing that, although it may stretch to several volumes.
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I've been in weekly face to face therapy for 6 years now. The first phase was my therapist getting to know me so that she could help me manage the stuff that came up. Alongside this, she managed how unresolved memory could sort of put me in flashback territory, which makes everything seem immediate and is super exhausting. She'd check in with me about this. I have a diagnosis of CPTSD from the NHS and she agreed with this which meant there was never any prospect of a short term therapeutic intervention.
Maybe talk to your therapist about how you feel about therapy itself.
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I have flashbacks. A sudden OH! as I drop off to sleep which makes me moan.
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I'm a couple of months in now and I'm grateful for these replies - it was exactly as you all described. I am coping better and pacing myself a bit more. Although 'stuffing down' emotions, thoughts and feelings was a problem all along, so I have to avoid doing that again just to get through the process!!
I am stunned at just how badly I was treated by some people and re-visiting is really hard. My husband's family are narcissistic bullies and I thought it was me! I have allowed such bad treatment from many people for a long time (including my own family) I am trying to deal with retrospective rage. That's tricky.
But thanks everyone - it's a great process and my therapist is INCREDIBLE. I'm so glad I did this.
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Narcaicissm wasn't in the medical journals until the 1980s even though people were showing signs. I think that 1 has to live with a narcissist in order to see the person 'at work'. I could write a book!
Glad that U have ploughed on through - has the therapist suggested writing to 'them' in a way of venting?
I usually cope at the time then react maybe as much as 6 months later, triggered by something totally unrelated ::). Do U get homework? I did :-X
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I would recommend you reading Anna Ferguson's The vagus nerve reset. It mentions therapy and how trauma damages/influences your nervous system. The view that she has on therapy is that while it is good to identify where some of your issues stem from, talking about these only re-traumatises a person. They tend to relive situations and cause further damage - not solving much in the long term (some people will experience temporary relief especially if talking allowed them to get to the root of the problem). There are things you can do to reset vagus nerve (nerve responsible for fight or flight response/panic attacks etc) and move forward rather than relive issues from the past.
For me it was eye opening approach, in fact for months of therapy i felt rather overwhelmed than anything else. And while some things when said can have a bit of cathartic experience with them, I think that it is more used as a point of validation of right to your own feelings/sensitivity etc than actual help (I also had therapist who before leaving his job recommended me a book, of which, first paragraph said that therapies don't work).
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Whereas for many therapy does work. I was employed by a psychologist who was also a sexual health psychologist so wrote many Reports. I personally had years of intermittent talk therapy which cleared my mind.
I wonder which book Wania? Title, publisher please. Was his work Peer reviewed? If therapy didn't work psychologists would be out of a job long ago!
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CKLD I don't think I remember the book, bought it, read a bit of it and put it away. I will come back if I will manage to find it at home. And have no idea if it was peer reviewed because I didn't do study on this book. It was something that my therapist recommended 1/2 hour before he gave his resignation at work.
There are fortune tellers in the world who are not out of job. So this doesn't prove anything. If I can recommend anything I would recommend the book I mentioned. Fairly new approach but definitely worth taking in.
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I wonder what kind of therapist he actually was and how long he had been in Practice Wania? There is a 'doctor' who has been struck off the NHS but continues to practice privately but doesn't tell potential patients those details!
And if the 1st therapist and patient don't gel, it's OK to look round for some1 more appropriate.
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There wasn't any not gelling going on. I found that therapy useless (it was CBT). When assessing my HA the methods are just pointless imho (this came as a reflection later on, but I did tell him, and the next one that those don't work for me). But it wasn't the therapist, it was therapy as a whole. He was definitely over 40 so not a newbie though.
How I see it is that talking about issues from the past is useful only if the purpose is to understand what is happening now. But continuous dwelling on those issues doesn't serve a purpose. It reinforces the trauma, pain, anxiety, nerves etc. And same happens in life all the time. Same as if you have a cut on your finger, you deal with it and let it heal. You don't go opening this cut over and over again because it will never heal and can cause infection ;)
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Counselling can be more going over and over it again, which works for some, psychotherapy tends to be goal orientated. We all work differently but how I work is to ‘pull the stuff out’ together, rationalise it together and put it back in, in its new safe state. Pulling it out without the safe space of the therapist to manage it sounds like very dangerous therapy.
Any traumatic thoughts are based on irrational beliefs so once you reprocess it and store the new habit, it’s impossible to believe the old lies and go back to how you were. It would be the equivalent of believing in Father Christmas again!
However, if your anxiety is purely physical from the structural issue putting pressure on the nerves, or a brain issue/injury, then talking therapy is not appropriate, apart from using it to deal with any additional emotional pressure.
I have a structural issue (mild scoliosis) which has caused cervicogenic headaches that sets off its own adrenaline and cortisol mayhem, along with a severe hormone imbalance where my body struggles to detox oestrogen, that, sadly, no rational self talk can avert! Have also done lots of vagus nerve exercises and bodywork to help with that so I understand the value of both.
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That anomaly doesn't tally at all.
Depending on why someone goes into therapy will depend how often the person needs to go over to validate issues. A good counsellor won't suggest answers but should be able to guide the client towards goals in order to move on. I found a good vent really helpful!
dangermouse: R U able to explain the difference between counselling and psychotherapy?
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Counselling tends to be more practical and sometimes with specialisms, eg addiction or grief counsellors, often the counsellor takes a more passive role and the patient is given a supportive space to talk. Psychotherapy tends to be more guided and we go more deeply into root causes but both can use overlapping tools.
One is not necessarily better than the other, it’s what suits the patient.
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:thankyou:
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Interesting thread - sadly counselling/psychotherapy is an unregulated profession and the intellectual hurdles to qualification aren't that high. There are good and bad in all professions but there seems to be a huge number of poor quality counsellors/psychotherapists. I was very lucky with mine.
I have several 'mental health professionals' in my extended families who are, in private, bullying manipulative and emotionally immature. I have at least 4 on the periphery of my fam. One is a REALLY nasty piece of work but to the public he is mild mannered. He gets a kick out of the Freudian 'couch' therapy room setup which has largely now been discredited. It is an unbalanced dominant position which is just plain wrong. Hence why he loves it. Total inadequate who will bully anyone who will take it. And no we don't see him any more.
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Oh, and I meant to add - yes I am going over old stuff, but just to get it spoken, out there, and gone. My therapist validates or challenges, for the good of my self esteem and I don't the re-visit. But good points on this from others :)
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All good therapists will be registered with the two Governing bodies, there was an article recently: of course, meno-brain here can't remember where I read it. Which is why 1 should be referred via a GP or Psychiatrist.
R those family members registered HellsBells?
I found venting cleared my brain. There was no one saying 'that couldn't have happeded because ...... ' ;)
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Like most professions you get good, bad and mediocre. Some are passionate, some are worn down. Some get into it for the right reasons, some for the wrong.
I started out as a clinical hypnotherapist and after further training in psychotherapy, I was offered the training and supervision route to become registered with the main psychotherapy bodies (UKCP, BACP etc) where I could take NHS/BUPA referrals. However, after working towards this, I found it too restrictive with too much time spent on NHS paperwork, ineffective strategies and ticking boxes. I decided to go back to being registered as a hypno-psychotherapist where my clients can only self fund and my success is down to word of mouth. I often take on new cases of patients who have been failed through the NHS therapy pathway, so it is difficult to assume only certain bodies will provide trustworthy therapy. I have also referred them back to specialised funded therapy if I think it may be more suitable. Ethics is a huge part of our training.
If you are self paying then a good strategy is to find a therapist whose website speaks to you. I also use the reverse strategy to attract people who will be right for my type of therapy.
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In the 1990s I had to wait 18 months for therapy. By the time the appt arrived, I could have been dead >:(. That particular therapist decided that I knew more about my problems than she had the skills to deal with ::). Even so talking to her helped a lot.
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https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/oct/19/psychotherapists-in-england-must-be-regulated-experts-say-after-abuse-claims-rise
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That's where I read it a few weeks ago :thankyou: hence going through a GP first rather than searching on line.
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I would recommend you reading Anna Ferguson's The vagus nerve reset. It mentions therapy and how trauma damages/influences your nervous system. The view that she has on therapy is that while it is good to identify where some of your issues stem from, talking about these only re-traumatises a person. They tend to relive situations and cause further damage - not solving much in the long term (some people will experience temporary relief especially if talking allowed them to get to the root of the problem). There are things you can do to reset vagus nerve (nerve responsible for fight or flight response/panic attacks etc) and move forward rather than relive issues from the past.
For me it was eye opening approach, in fact for months of therapy i felt rather overwhelmed than anything else. And while some things when said can have a bit of cathartic experience with them, I think that it is more used as a point of validation of right to your own feelings/sensitivity etc than actual help (I also had therapist who before leaving his job recommended me a book, of which, first paragraph said that therapies don't work).
Interesting, and probably somewhat depends on the mindset of the individual going it and how receptive they are to the treatment. That said I went for a specialist treatment some years ago. Practitioner seemed very good, I was open to the treatment, but it failed. We both tried and wanted it to work but it didn't, so nothing is 100% guaranteed
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Just to point out that going through the GP will take you to the therapists who the article is about, those who broke the BACP’s code of conduct.
We cannot get insurance again if that happened, trust me, it’s as tight as it can be and we all adhere to the regulations of at least one industry body.
There is also a lot more risk to the therapist than the patient when seen one to one, behind closed doors. I used to have to have all sorts of safety measures in place but now I mainly work online.
We put our trust in non-Government regulated professionals on a daily basis, like the hairdresser wielding a very sharp pair of scissors because, on balance, most people have good intentions.
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Therapists are unregulated. There are professional bodies with which they can be affiliated. Other than that it is an unregulated industry and very much needs to be.
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'needs to be' :-\