Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => New Members => Topic started by: Worried 1 on November 13, 2023, 07:39:50 PM
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Hello, I am new here. I find myself in a very worrying situation. Due to anger issues, not sleeping and in general not being myself I have behaved out of turn at work. I now find that I have to face a investigation in to my behaviour at work. Im at my wits end to be honest. Has anyone else had anything like this.?
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.... and breath.
Have U been verbally invited to a meeting or is this via e-mail? This may be a meeting to help you move forwards within the work place.
Is there a Union at your work place?
How large a hierarchy is involved - do you 'answer' to someone 'above you' and he to someone 'above him/her' for example?
Have U been given warnings, either written and if verbal with someone present i.e. a Union rep or someone from HR? Make sure that you take someone with you to any meetings to take notes if necessary.
How large is your Company? Do they have a menopause agenda to support women?
Do make a list of how long you have had work problems: who you have been working with/for. R there e-mails to/from various work colleagues? Do these problems co-incide with your hormonal upheavals? Are these anger issues cyclical?
I used to rage in the 10 days prior to a period >:(. Is your temperament likely to have compromised the companies ethics etc.? Have U seen a GP/Nurse Practitioner about your hormonal upheavals?
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No union sadly, No warnings yet. There is a meeting with 2 people from Hr and I am not allowed anyone with me at this stage. Big company and they do have a menopause policy, however I think its more of a tick box exercise . I have seen a dr today about poss Hrt. Ive been having problems for a few months and have not told anyone until this. I have been irrational and irate but not verbally or physically abusive. To be honest I am terrified.
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Extremely helpful comprehensive advice from CLKD.
My only addition is that hormonal mood swings have been the bane of my adult life,far far worse on perimenopause. You may browse about and realise just how common this can be with others on this forum.
If you have not already spoken to a gp or equivalent please think about doing so. It has taken some time but my moods ( you cannot believe how bad they have been) are finally more manageable. There is help to ease this, it's not always an overnight 'cure' but there are ways to help.
Hormonal upheavals can be terrifying, I genuinely thought I was going mad. It's great you have spoken with your surgery. Make a few notes when you have an appt so you don't forget any worries or questions you may have.
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No union sadly, No warnings yet. There is a meeting with 2 people from Hr and I am not allowed anyone with me at this stage. Big company and they do have a menopause policy, however I think its more of a tick box exercise . I have seen a dr today about poss Hrt. Ive been having problems for a few months and have not told anyone until this. I have been irrational and irate but not verbally or physically abusive. To be honest I am terrified.
I'm not sure it's legal to prevent you bringing someone with you for support to a meeting with hr. I'd check that out if possible, perhaps with citizens advice bureau. If there are two people from hr you are outnumbered and should at least be allowed to bring someone in to take notes on your behalf.
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Are you in the UK?
If so, if it is an investigation, I am pretty sure you are allowed someone with you.
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Yes in Uk as its a first meeting they say I am not allowed anyone with me at this stage.
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Lots of people above me, im a little fish. I have not been myself for a little while with all this and I have not behaved well I agree but its out of character for me and I have apologised but they seem keen to take it further. I feel sick with it all. I have not really told them how I am suffering up til now.
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Please look at the ACAS website for 'Right to be accompanied'. It is good practice apparently, but not a legal right in the early stages of an investigation. However I think you should formally get it recorded that you are suffering with menopause symptoms as this may impact how you are treated. While not a protected characteristic itself, employers will have to take this into account as it is covered indirectly under age, sex and disability, all of which are protected characteristics in their own right.
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And this is true, regardless of their menopause policy. So the sooner you flag up your health concerns with them the better.
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So, would you say its appropriate for me to email them before the meeting with my health issues and the effect its been having on me recently? Any advice on how to word it as I am terrified of making things worse.
They are not aware as yet as I have not told anyone.
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U R certainly allowed to have an independent person with you at all meetings .......... there should be a written Company policy for all these types of issues. 2 onto 1 ain't fair and is >searches for word here< ......... confrontational ?
MayB approach your HR Dept with a short, detailed report of your current health issues and a separate 1 regarding your work priorities prior to the meeting adding how stressful this is. Let us know how you get on. This may simply be a tick box exercise or a way of finding out what assistance you may require.
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Thank you, They have said no one with me at this stage. I am going to let them know how my health is effecting me. I acted very much out of character for me and they should know that. My mental health feels on a knife edge right now what with my symptoms and the worry of this hanging over me. I am only just hanging on. No one from work has been in touch however within a couple of hours of sending in my sick note I had a message from a co worker saying " I hear you have been signed off"
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Well, I have sent a email detailing my health issues and how its been affecting me. I just hope they dont try to use it against me now. So so down about it all.
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Hiya
I think this is a positive thing you are doing, you are seeking medical help, physically and mentally\emotionally. Having to reluctantly accept how it makes You feel and doing something about it. You did not choose to have this sprung upon you, perimenopause can be pretty hellish and irrational. You at facing this year on. I think you should feel a little proud of yourself if you can, given your circumstances.
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I agree with Sarah. Why do we always fear the worst is going to happen when called to the headmaster's corridor :-\.
MayB pre-empt the meeting: "I am aware that peri-menopause is making my brain a bit fuddled so I hope that this meeting is to help me and my colleagues deal with any problems that may arise".
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Thanks, Its certainly to talk about how I have spoken to another staff member and reacted to a certain situation but I only reacted as I did due to the menopause. Im not my normal self at the moment and they should have known that. Will have to see how it goes now but they are now aware of the fact that I have issues. Much as I didnt want it known about. They are making a bad situation worse by going about it this way.
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People aren't mind readers ::) and mayB this meeting is to clarify what caused your actions. Have U had the chance to apologise and how was it received?
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Yes, I did apologise by email but for some reason that seems to have made things worse. I hope and pray things go ok as Im not sure I can put up with much more stress.
Thanks for all the advise. Its appreciated.
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Thanks, Its certainly to talk about how I have spoken to another staff member and reacted to a certain situation but I only reacted as I did due to the menopause. Im not my normal self at the moment and they should have known that. Will have to see how it goes now but they are now aware of the fact that I have issues. Much as I didnt want it known about. They are making a bad situation worse by going about it this way.
Big hugs to you! I also have found my moods all over and its extremely difficult to control when at work. I am getting easily irritated and annoyed but managing to contain it just! I am on HRT and its helped. I feel for you so much as our moods during peri/meno really are out of our control. Its like someone else takes over and you find you speaking words of anger and annoyance that you normally would not but something takes over. I just want you to know I sympathise with your situation xxx
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Thank you.
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Well the meeting is over. I now have to wait for the outcome to see if its going further or not. I did tell them how my health is affecting me at the moment but having to wait again is killing me.
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Well the meeting is over. I now have to wait for the outcome to see if its going further or not. I did tell them how my health is affecting me at the moment but having to wait again is killing me.
I am pleased it is over and I am sure you are too! Did they give any indication how long before you hear anything? My heart really goes out to you and hopefully you won't be kept waiting too long.
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Thank you. It might be monday. I hope its before. I would have thought its fairly straightforward but they seem to want to ramp up the anxiety.
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Thank you. It might be monday. I hope its before. I would have thought its fairly straightforward but they seem to want to ramp up the anxiety.
Unfortunately my experience with HR is that things dont happen quick! I really hope you find out very soon xxx
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Thank you.
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In the meantime you can enjoy watching them squirm. If they give you a formal warning because of a health condition they can be in trouble themselves. Fingers crossed for a good outcome.
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I am still waiting for the outcome of the meeting so hopefully it is today. The stress this is causing is unreal. On top of feeling rubbish anyway the stress of waiting to find out the results of this is awful. I did speak out of turn and I have said sorry more than once. I do not know what else I can do.
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Get prepared by making a few notes to keep you on track and calm when speaking with them. It may help you feel a bit more in control.
Apologising is good, but remember you have a valid reason as to why you behaved out of character, you aren't essentially at fault here, you are struggling with debilitating and sometimes scary symptoms.
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Thanks, I am supposed to hear the outcome today as to if they are taking it further. The stress is killing me to be honest as as well as feeling rubbish I have this hanging over me.
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I wish you well, please let us know how you get on. Many n here understand how you feel, indeed how your behaviour alters due to mad hormonal shifts. X
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I hope you find out soon. Thinking of you xxxx
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Thanks, still no news. So so stressful
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Thanks, still no news. So so stressful
This is awful making you wait like this. Are you off work? x
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Yes I am signed off sick with stress and menopause symptoms. I had a email to say they want another meeting tomorrow after talking to the other person concerned. I really do not know how much more I can take.
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Ahh yes I think your doing the right thing as you have too much to deal with. Oh no really? Like I say things move very slowly with HR.
Maybe the other person doesn't want to take the matter any further anymore? This will be torture for you and I can imagine its all your thinking about. I really hope the meeting tomorow is one of moving forward with matters and the other person accepting your apology as being adequate considering your current situation xxx
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I do not know but its very stressful. I went over everything that happened and they now know my health issues but they seem to want to keep dragging it on.
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I agree, it seems hard that you have been virtually forced into revealing your hormonal health and the resulting consequences of the moods and anxiety symptoms. This is a health matter you are needing to feel nd ways to alleviate yourself without all the work issues adding to your mental health.
I sincerely hope that the other person can indeed accept your meaningful apology and understand the health stress you are working with. I just hope tomorrow will draw a line under things and you can move forward first with some help from your gp, and then in time, at work too.
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Thank you.
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Just to let you know that I have had a call to say no further action to be taken. It seem certain members of staff have been stirring things. Its a massive relief . Now to try and sort my health out! Thanks for all the advice its helped a lot.
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Oh am so pleased for you. Fantastic. Sorry you had to go through this. Do look after yourself and post on here any time and for any reason. X
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Thank you. Its been massively stressful so relieved its over. Thank you
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Just to let you know that I have had a call to say no further action to be taken. It seem certain members of staff have been stirring things. Its a massive relief . Now to try and sort my health out! Thanks for all the advice its helped a lot.
Thats excellent news and as I had hoped. Hope you find help with your symtoms and you can relax now and concentrate on you take care xxx
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Thank you, I am hoping I can have another week off work as still not sleeping well and trying to recover from all the stress. waiting to discuss things with my Dr. Its all made me see work in a another light thats for sure.