Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: KaraShannon on September 11, 2023, 03:05:04 PM
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Anyone else finding people are hostile in the last 3 years since the pandemic?
People I see face to face agree, but wondering what you all think here. Who's felt this?
Today I got someone angrily tooting at me on a roundabout and I was in the right, I was just crossing it after giving way to my right. A man on the left couldn't wait and seemed to think he had right of way.
Then at another turning my car nearly stalled, so I was a bit slow. Another guy behind me in a van was getting really irate, I mean this was a few seconds on a turn where speed is slow anyway. He then slowed right down and then drove fast at me, threatening to ram the car. He didn't, but even a threat is an a$$hole (sorry) thing to do.
Oh I could go on, anyone else? Tell me I'm not alone! And I don't just mean stuff like that, but in general.
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I’m not sure about since the pandemic, but I know people are more aggressive to me when I drive my girly Fiat 500 to when I drive my transit van. I drive the same whatever car I’m in, but there are a group of men who are just hostile when they think a woman is driving >:(
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What we aren't aware of is 'white van man' is on a schedule, particularly if they are driving for Amazon, Evri etc.. They have to get some many deliveries in within the hour or they may have their pay docked. This attitude by companies is an accident waiting to happen :-\. It worries me when they drive up close behind then slap on their brakes :o or rev engines. Have U noticed?
I think also it's our own personal attitudes, I moan and groan about those on the road that annoy me. DH simply gives them space "but they don't learn" if you don't hoot! But he won't. His attitude is that they won't realise that the tooting is for them!
I'm reactive. In general I have found most people that I know reasonably calm and measured in their responses. As you have noted though, a lot - especially in vehicles, seem to forget their Ps&Qs >:(. Also, youngsters seem to have attitude too.
It's sad that our GP surgery and opticians have signs telling clients that if there staff are abused, the patient will be removed from the premises by the Police if necessary :'(
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I’m not sure about since the pandemic, but I know people are more aggressive to me when I drive my girly Fiat 500 to when I drive my transit van. I drive the same whatever car I’m in, but there are a group of men who are just hostile when they think a woman is driving >:(
I can well believe that. I've been driving for 30 plus years and never experienced what's been going on recently. I mean you do get those men, but it seems way too common now. Before there would be (in my experience) 90% of male drivers that acted normally as if you were just as capable on the road. What gets me is both these men were in the wrong, it's not like I was even wrong, but if I had been in the past they wouldn't have jumped on it.
Sorry to hear you have more problems in the Fiat, that's annoying and unfair.
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What we aren't aware of is 'white van man' is on a schedule, particularly if they are driving for Amazon, Evri etc.. They have to get some many deliveries in within the hour or they may have their pay docked. This attitude by companies is an accident waiting to happen :-\. It worries me when they drive up close behind then slap on their brakes :o or rev engines. Have U noticed?
good point CLKD, the pressure a lot of these people are under is going to be a significant part of the problem. And the companies and the pressure of our modern world in general is at fault there.
Plus there are so many more cars on the road, what with that and all the pot holes, driving is no longer a pleasure and for them they are not getting anywhere fast enough. These guys today though, they weren't being made to wait more than a second or two and the one on the roundabout had to wait and give way to me. I've noticed a lot of people don't seem to understand roundabouts now as well.
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It's sad that our GP surgery and opticians have signs telling clients that if there staff are abused, the patient will be removed from the premises by the Police if necessary :'(
These signs make me laugh anyway. No one should be abusive but often I'm finding it's the reception staff that have been and then there's this sign telling the public not to be abusive. And most of people would never dream of it anyway even when treated badly by the staff. But I know that's not all staff.
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Red light jumping ........
All roundabouts should have a 20mph speed limit which may stop drivers almost hitting other vehicles as they 'dash' out, not keeping to the 'give way' requirements.
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I've read so many reports about changing social skills following covid, as people weren't interacting with others and lost compassion, etc. People seem to be a lot more selfish and uncaring, and not just when it comes to driving! I do think covid is responsible, but I also think reality TV has a part to play, because so much of the focus is on looks / appearances and having it all. It's a very sad state of affairs, and I don't know what can be done to make people more caring.
On the subject of bad drivers, yesterday OH and I were in the car and watched a woman repeatedly drive right up the back of cars, slam the brakes on, wait whilst others overtook her, then pulling out and racing off at way over the speed limit, then repeating the same thing.
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I feel quite sorry for people who behave badly. They're probably living under extreme stress and are unhappy and angry about their lives. I try to smile and be extra nice to them. It doesn't serve me well to get riled by people so I don't. I think so many people are frightened these days and don't know how to communicate with each other. I probably lead a sheltered life as most people in my life and who I come into contact with give positive vibes. I had a lovely chat with a taxi driver the other day bringing me back from hospital and when I went to pay he refused payment. :-*
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I feel quite sorry for people who behave badly. They're probably living under extreme stress and are unhappy and angry about their lives. I try to smile and be extra nice to them. It doesn't serve me well to get ruled by people so I don't. I think so many people are frightened these days and don't know how to communicate with each other. I probably lead a sheltered life as most people in my life and who I come into contact with give positive vibes. I had a lovely chat with a taxi driver the other day bringing me back from hospital and when I went to pay he refused payment. :-*
That is so lovely! You could post that on the kindness thread. :)
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Red light jumping ........
All roundabouts should have a 20mph speed limit which may stop drivers almost hitting other vehicles as they 'dash' out, not keeping to the 'give way' requirements.
The thing is though, I've been driving for over 30 years and I've never seen such poor behaviour, only recently and seems to have come along with the hostility that others have also reported to me offline and which I've seen (enough of to last a lifetime) myself.
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I've read so many reports about changing social skills following covid, as people weren't interacting with others and lost compassion, etc. People seem to be a lot more selfish and uncaring, and not just when it comes to driving! I do think covid is responsible, but I also think reality TV has a part to play, because so much of the focus is on looks / appearances and having it all. It's a very sad state of affairs, and I don't know what can be done to make people more caring.
I know with me and a handful of people I know, covid hasn't changed us, we are still polite, etc. But seen so much poor behaviour. I wonder whether people just use it as an excuse.
Also it became unsafe to walk outside after dark and our area hasn't recovered from that yet and I don't know if it ever will. I know many places are unsafe but here it never was so it's a radical change.
I know what you mean about the focus on looks and having it all etc, so shallow. It really isn't everything, none of those picture perfect people can keep it up forever and how hard will they fall when they realise it, there has to be something more than that, so I suppose we should pity anyone who thinks that's everything.
I think caring people are caring, but sadly there are a lot of people that are not and when times are hard the mask just falls off. I don't think it can be taught, it's instinctual, so I have sadly dropped a lot of people and I know I'm sounding harsh, but I will carry on doing so.
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I feel quite sorry for people who behave badly. They're probably living under extreme stress and are unhappy and angry about their lives. I try to smile and be extra nice to them. It doesn't serve me well to get riled by people so I don't. I think so many people are frightened these days and don't know how to communicate with each other. I probably lead a sheltered life as most people in my life and who I come into contact with give positive vibes. I had a lovely chat with a taxi driver the other day bringing me back from hospital and when I went to pay he refused payment. :-*
I agree Autumnwalks, it doesn't serve us to get riled by these people. But so many people are living under extreme stress and don't behave like that. I see it as weakness that often, people with less problems start throwing toys out of the pram when things get a little bit uncomfortable or inconvenient.
I'm glad you're not experiencing it. Most of these people are not even in my life, it's people in the street, other drivers, people you interact with in shops, surgeries, dentists, etc. It's been awful. I'm not sure what the answer is atm, but I do understand about pity, but I can't anymore, they don't have my pity. A man threatened to ram my car today. These people need to seriously crawl back from where they came from.
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It's a massive problem in schools (with the pupils) and I think the pandemic was a contributory factor, but it's not the sole force, i.e. it's more about what they were doing in lockdown and the new habits that have emerged. Tiktok has a lot to answer for. People have also become used to doom scrolling. And then there's the 37 million TV channels, often rammed with reality shows profiling abusive 'influencers'. This relationship to the world via online material has atomised folks, which means that they're more concerned with the individual (i.e. themselves) than the community (i.e. others). Unsurprising I suppose, given that for the last 40 years or so we've been told that the individual is everything.
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It's a massive problem in schools (with the pupils) and I think the pandemic was a contributory factor, but it's not the sole force, i.e. it's more about what they were doing in lockdown and the new habits that have emerged. Tiktok has a lot to answer for. People have also become used to doom scrolling. And then there's the 37 million TV channels, often rammed with reality shows profiling abusive 'influencers'. This relationship to the world via online material has atomised folks, which means that they're more concerned with the individual (i.e. themselves) than the community (i.e. others). Unsurprising I suppose, given that for the last 40 years or so we've been told that the individual is everything.
Are you in the UK ElkWarning? Here in the UK we've been in an individualistic society, capitalist, etc, but in the last 40 years it's not resulted in this, well, not triggered it I should say. The obvious trigger has been the pandemic, it literally changed overnight. But I suppose the technology has been brewing for a long time. I just feel there's been an overnight shift.
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Oh I agree with the 'abusive influencers.' Opinions are ok, sharing your own stuff is ok, but there are influencers who are on one extreme or the other and pushing an agenda for sure.
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So this happened recently.
I'm going about my business, cheerful, polite. Go to pharmacy to collect the rest of my medicene as I had 24 tablets and the rest owing. I called them and was told I'd already collected them at end of august. I hadn't. I was using the first batch and had just finished it. I went in to double check with them, still cheerful, still polite, and was spoken to as if I was utter sh*t basically. Told I brought the 'wrong box' in to show them, and 'why' did I, implying I did it on purpose or to try and pull the wool over their eyes!!!!
It's a controlled drug so she refused to offer an emergency supply, suggested I go to my surgery to sort it out. Even the young assistant looked up, as all surgeries were closed by then. When I explained that she then went onto say I should have come in earlier, I said I called her at mid day and she said I'd already been given the tablets so I had to wait for the surgery to return a response to me, which they did before they closed. And on, and on, but it was the rudeness that was the problem, rather than sorting out the medication.
So I didn't get it. I called 111 and some condescending male doctor (and I'm NOT one of those women ready to slate men, least of all doctors as I've had lovely doctors over the years) told me he couldn't prescribe a controlled drug and that I have been told that before (I think the chastising was unnecessary especially as I'd spoken politely, always do, and had said that a pharmacist had been quite rude earlier, so I was still upset from that)
Ok, so then I remembered I had tried once before, but I couldn't understand it then and was way too busy that day to commit such information to memory. After all, if you need medicene it's prescribed by a doctor right? So why would most people remember what a doctor can and cannot prescribe? Also another reason for not committing that to memory (aside from it's not my paid job) was because the doctor said a pharmacist that knows you can do it, so I went to a pharmacist that knew me and she said the doctor hadn't made any sense saying they cannot prescribe. So I just assumed the doctor didn't want to do it, they sounded very young anyway.
So apparently they can't prescribe controlled drugs, so, it seems if you are completely out of a controlled drug, out of hours, and it's dangerous to stop that drug suddenly, you are NOT going to receive any help from any NHS establishment in the UK. I imagine if the withdrawal effects are potentially fatal, then you will just die or survive until you can see your GP next.
That is what I've been told. (and as I've also been told below, no one is going to lie to me, so I must accept this)
I attempted to clarify the truth with a receptionist the next day and she said 'well the doctor isn't going to lie to you.' Yet they (receptionists, pharmacists, not all but a lot) are looking at us as if we are liars and junkies all the time. Now I'm not supposed to clarity, question, think for myself? Sorry, I'm still going to be looking into this when I have time.
Anyway, yesterday was spent driving across town to collect medicene that's not available where I live. Some pharmacists will give a generic version (and in the past often did, it was commonplace), but now SOME refuse to do that, others will do it. How confusing, especially when both sets know you and know you are on that medicene.
Today I race against the clock to do yesterday's work AND today's because lost yesterday.
The whole thing has so much unnecessary anger, rudeness, criticism, etc, and not from me (only now, reflecting on it)
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Hi KaraShannon,
I’m sorry that happened to you. My opinion is that there have always been plenty of nasty people around, but I have heard people say it’s got worse since the pandemic. I doubt the pandemic has turned anyone decent into a horrible person, but maybe the stress of it all has made anyone with nasty tendencies to get worse. It is a stressful world we live in and it takes energy and strength to continue being kind and considerate when we are stressed or struggling. I always see horrible people as inherently weak and it’s a natural response when treated badly to be angry or upset. I think one contributing factor amongst many is dwindling police numbers and low conviction rates. People know they are unlikely to face serious consequences for abuse or violence.
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Hi KaraShannon,
I’m sorry that happened to you. My opinion is that there have always been plenty of nasty people around, but I have heard people say it’s got worse since the pandemic. I doubt the pandemic has turned anyone decent into a horrible person, but maybe the stress of it all has made anyone with nasty tendencies to get worse. It is a stressful world we live in and it takes energy and strength to continue being kind and considerate when we are stressed or struggling. I always see horrible people as inherently weak and it’s a natural response when treated badly to be angry or upset. I think one contributing factor amongst many is dwindling police numbers and low conviction rates. People know they are unlikely to face serious consequences for abuse or violence.
Katherine I agree with you totally. The mask is slipping for a lot of people and as you said, you doubt the pandemic has turned decent people into nasty people. No it's just being revealed I think. And what bothers me is the extent of it. All those people living amongst us with normal, decent masks. >:(
I don't mind people getting stressed, but when I'm stressed I mainly tell people about it, rather than attack them for no reason. If they haven't time to listen, I handle it! I do see a lot of nastiness as weakness but I also see it as something innate so unlikely to change, so I just try to avoid it. Everyone is capable of snapping under a lot of stress, I'm not going to come down heavy on them, but the rest of it is just plain horrible.
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KaraShannon,
I do believe there are many people who just seem to enjoy hurting others, but I think most of them weren’t born like it, but bad things have happened to them which overwhelmed them so much that they turned. However with people like that it’s a mistake to feel sorry for them and try and help them because it’s not going to change them, they are too far gone so agree it’s best to avoid them or protect yourself. I wish these people could all go and live together on an island and hurt each other instead of hurting good people. Some of the things that have happened to my partner and me lately are unbelievable. For example we were in a pub in a nice area and my partner was waiting for me at a table while I was in the loo and a man came and sat with him, plugged in his laptop and my partner said I was coming soon and we wanted to sit on our own and he said this isn’t the kind of place where you get to be on your own so my partner got up and walked away to avoid confrontation. I could tell you many stories like that. I feel sorry for these people as they must be really miserable but the only was they will change is if they face serious consequences and most don’t.
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KaraShannon,
I do believe there are many people who just seem to enjoy hurting others, but I think most of them weren’t born like it, but bad things have happened to them which overwhelmed them so much that they turned. However with people like that it’s a mistake to feel sorry for them and try and help them because it’s not going to change them, they are too far gone so agree it’s best to avoid them or protect yourself. I wish these people could all go and live together on an island and hurt each other instead of hurting good people. Some of the things that have happened to my partner and me lately are unbelievable. For example we were in a pub in a nice area and my partner was waiting for me at a table while I was in the loo and a man came and sat with him, plugged in his laptop and my partner said I was coming soon and we wanted to sit on our own and he said this isn’t the kind of place where you get to be on your own so my partner got up and walked away to avoid confrontation. I could tell you many stories like that. I feel sorry for these people as they must be really miserable but the only was they will change is if they face serious consequences and most don’t.
Wow Katherine that man was so rude, but it sounds like your partner did the right thing as you can never tell how people will react these days. I'd say taking your laptop into a pub is also rude and unsociable though 🤷♂️
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KaraShannon,
I do believe there are many people who just seem to enjoy hurting others, but I think most of them weren’t born like it, but bad things have happened to them which overwhelmed them so much that they turned. However with people like that it’s a mistake to feel sorry for them and try and help them because it’s not going to change them, they are too far gone so agree it’s best to avoid them or protect yourself. I wish these people could all go and live together on an island and hurt each other instead of hurting good people. Some of the things that have happened to my partner and me lately are unbelievable. For example we were in a pub in a nice area and my partner was waiting for me at a table while I was in the loo and a man came and sat with him, plugged in his laptop and my partner said I was coming soon and we wanted to sit on our own and he said this isn’t the kind of place where you get to be on your own so my partner got up and walked away to avoid confrontation. I could tell you many stories like that. I feel sorry for these people as they must be really miserable but the only was they will change is if they face serious consequences and most don’t.
That's so rude. Whatever happened to asking if the seat was taken? How did he know you weren't waiting for 17 friends to join you?
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No one does that, he was just a psycho. We were there for a meal in a little nook. There were other tables free. If I’d been on my own I would’ve confronted him, I think I would have kicked up a stink but when my partner is with me I am mindful of the fact a man is more likely to be physically attacked than a woman so for him I will walk away. Sometimes I can’t help myself though and react.
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Yes, sometimes it just isn't worth the hassle. Problem is that if he always gets what he wants he'll never learn to be decent, but who wants to risk getting beaten up? He was a bully!
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I hate it when men spit next to your feet when you walk past too. I was walking up a street in a rough area taking a short cut last summer and a man spat near my feet as he passed me and he was in too close proximity for me to dare to respond. Also no one else around.