Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: KaraShannon on June 23, 2023, 01:05:43 PM
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I thought I'd start a thread for anyone feeling like they are breaking down, even if they know it's only for one day (or for some it's feeling more long term).
All welcome to post in this space if you'd like. I'm not doing great myself today so this won't always be a space for instant support but we can offload here and come back to it as and when we feel we have something to offer when stronger.
What do you think?
I'm in the shell of my old property, I am moving. My best friend (male best friend who has always been there for 20 years) is going through some sort of rough patch where he cannot offer any support, only angrily seek it. So I had that this morning on the phone. If that were an ongoing problem I would not tolerate it, but he's lovely most of the time and deep down has the best intentions. He's got his own stuff atm. It is just hard when I'm feeling so uprooted and also anxious because of subtle abuse from my landlady over the years and panicking that I won't be able to leave the property in the perfect state.
And it's so hot! I don't have hot flushes, it's this property, it's hotter than most. But of course hormones are not helping over all. Just feel like a deer in headlights right now.
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Hello Kara,
Just wanted to send you a huge :hug:
I understand. Take away the hormonal Crap and your life situation right now would be massively stressful. Add in the hormones and yep, kicked back down even further.
It's good that you can accept that your best friend is there for you, and will be again but that he is in his own crisis right now.... Meantime... You have us!!
Not much consolation as I am in the increasingly downward spiral. Need some time to build myself up from it, but it's a good place here where we can be totally honest with each other. Forget about that false smile we feel we have to present to some of those about us and just have a space to say " sorry my life is shite at the moment, I am anxious,scared and feel my life is a bit out of control ".
So. It's good you accept your friend is in need of a rant, and as I say in normal circumstances you can take it. You have been friends for 20 years,so I am sure you can both weather these storms. I suspect you have both held each other up through so much together.
Moving as we all know is hugely anxious times. Are you able to ask your landlady just what she needs from you with regards to the property? If you have a list as such maybe some of your fears are unfounded?
Do you have a good place to go to? Something positive once you have done the big move?
Cannot comment on the heat side. I feel knackered the best of times let alone in this heat... ::)
Keep posting.am sure this thread will be a popular one. Xx
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Kathleen has also started a similar thread.
The weather + hormones won't help if the body/brain is already stressed. Apart from divorce, moving is up there to add stress++!
Did U have an inventory when you moved in? Could you employ a professional cleaning company to whizz round .......... will you be moving far from 'here'? Many are being turned out of rental properties as the rent no longer covers the buy2let mortgage payments. So owners R getting rid onto the open market.
....... and breath. Keep hydrated. This too will pass.
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Hello Kara,
Just wanted to send you a huge :hug:
I understand. Take away the hormonal Crap and your life situation right now would be massively stressful. Add in the hormones and yep, kicked back down even further.
It's good that you can accept that your best friend is there for you, and will be again but that he is in his own crisis right now.... Meantime... You have us!!
Not much consolation as I am in the increasingly downward spiral. Need some time to build myself up from it, but it's a good place here where we can be totally honest with each other. Forget about that false smile we feel we have to present to some of those about us and just have a space to say " sorry my life is shite at the moment, I am anxious,scared and feel my life is a bit out of control ".
So. It's good you accept your friend is in need of a rant, and as I say in normal circumstances you can take it. You have been friends for 20 years,so I am sure you can both weather these storms. I suspect you have both held each other up through so much together.
Moving as we all know is hugely anxious times. Are you able to ask your landlady just what she needs from you with regards to the property? If you have a list as such maybe some of your fears are unfounded?
Do you have a good place to go to? Something positive once you have done the big move?
Cannot comment on the heat side. I feel knackered the best of times let alone in this heat... ::)
Keep posting.am sure this thread will be a popular one. Xx
Thanks for your support Sarah. I'm sorry to hear you are feeling in the downward spiral and hope you can find a ledge or something to stay on and step away from that spiral.
I think my ledge is usually retreating from the world at home in the evenings, but because I'm moving I feel uprooted, lol. And that would be tolerable if I wasn't feeling under the weather so often. But yes I have a nice place to go, this is a move forward not back, it just doesn't feel like it atm. I'm not good with change, so atm it doesn't matter how positive it is where I'm going ;D but it will be alright soon, lol.
I hope you feel better soon too Sarah, you can always chat here x
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Kathleen has also started a similar thread.
The weather + hormones won't help if the body/brain is already stressed. Apart from divorce, moving is up there to add stress++!
Did U have an inventory when you moved in? Could you employ a professional cleaning company to whizz round .......... will you be moving far from 'here'? Many are being turned out of rental properties as the rent no longer covers the buy2let mortgage payments. So owners R getting rid onto the open market.
....... and breath. Keep hydrated. This too will pass.
You are so right CLKD, this too will pass.
Yes I have a cleaning company coming in, I just don't do well with change at all. You know we were talking about shingles on the other thread, I developed shingles just by going on holiday to a campsite with my family when I was little ;D It's not logical. Not at all. I am better doing change slowly where I can.
I wonder why moving is so stressful. I mean I can understand if moving miles away or have a big family, but neither is true for me. I'm being re-potted ;D now I know why some plants don't make it, lol
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Oh I hope I haven't duplicated a post like Kathleen. If I have we can carry it on there. I was thinking this was a general thread for ongoing breakdowns, but if that's the same intent on Kathleen's, my apologies :) (and if so, carry it on over on that one)
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Carry on with your thread, it's OK. My point being that many are feeling stress .............
Moving is stressful and your body seems to react with herpes which is quite common.
Let us know how you get on!
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Hello ladies.
I think this thread is a great idea and certainly there is no need to apologise to me.
Any extra stress at this time in our lives is very hard to deal with and having a safe and compassionate place to offload is essential.
Wishing you all well ladies and sending hugs to those in need.
K.
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Thank you Kara
I am pleased that you have a positive outlook on your move, it's just the upheaval of it all right now. It is unbelievably stressful to move, even if you are staying where you want to be. And having professional cleaners in is a great idea. One tiny thing you can tick off.
But I don't know if it is a mix of getting older, hormonal or just our personalities but I hate change. It just makes me so nervous.my self confidence in many aspects of life has just taken a right nose dive. I used to cope well even in stressful situations, but right now it's all just piling up and I feel ready to crack it I get not by one more thing.
Am considering speaking to drs. I was on an AD which I weaned my self off a year ago, and the reason I am reluctant to go back on them is I am certain I am this way due to peri. So if I am on the right hrt, I should surely fell better than I do? More able to cope and not feel so ' flat ' and nervous and breaking down in stressy situations?
But of a quandry. Needs thinking about as am not sure I am depressed as such and do not want AD's unnecessarily.
Ah well. Having a quite day today. Much needed.
Take care Kara,
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Hormonal upheaval can be awful. HRT isn't always a cure but may well help with some symptoms.
I am OK if I keep to a routine and don't book anything too far ahead. Unless I can book along with DH but not make any firm plans : i.e. going to a funeral or as later this year, to an Event in my family village where I haven't been for years ::). B&B booked but I will simply turn up!
Change throws me: I either deal on adrenaline and flop after, or simply can't cope. It doesn't take much 4 me to stop eating :'(
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Solidarity to those who are struggling.
No advice, only sympathy, chocolate and empathy.
Trapped in my own shit show of a life at the moment. Health going right down the pan and need a new job!
Hugs to all
🍫🍫🍫🍫🍩🍩🍩
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Hey Nas,
Oh look. It's us two again STILL going through a never ending cycle of hormonal crap.
Am willing to share the chocolate with you but NO. I can't eat it because my hiatus hernia is still playing up and I am scared to eat anything ' unsafe ' until it settles. Throw in arthritis in both hips, means hard to move let alone exercise, so gaining weight, utter lack of sleep, still exhausted, and moving stupidly slow so I can only do a fraction of what I could a few months ago and mood swings that STILL come out of nowhere, and almost constant now, crying most days, want to give in, and just makes me feel what's the bloody point? Ever increasing hrt despite blood tests showing all is ' normal '.
So. Nas. I give my share of chocolate to you. Because you need it and I always always offer my empathy to you. X
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Hey buddy, fancy meeting you here too!! :)
Things sound tough your end. I think you should at least have a nibble of the chocolate, it can’t hurt, surely?
I’m guessing you are still peri?
All bloods done? Iron B12 Thyroid function? I’d love to know what “ normal” means when a person feels utterly crap; mind boggling really!
Any treatment in the way of physio for the arthritis?
It’s a rollercoaster, no other way of describing it. I’m on it with you, in mind and spirit ( my body is fucked so can’t be with you there unfortunately! )
Sending a mountain of support, chocolate ( yes you can have a nibble now and then!) and positive vibes lovely 🥰 xxxx
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So glad you can make me laugh Nas with all this non stop hell.
Noooo. Not a teeny bit of chocolate. Bloody reflux gone mad. Living on toast and veggies and even that sets it off. Need that on top of everything.🙁
So it's all yours. Go barmy on the biggest bar you can hold. It's on me!
Thyroid I had to up medication early in year, all else shows ok levels. So wtf??? Am on pysio for hip pain, nice in this heat but doing it every day.
Get on to your gp today won't you. If you get no joy out them on to me. I'll fight your corner. Thanks as always for just making me feel a tiny bit better.
Loads love xx
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Always here for you Sarah,
I may not always reply immediately, but I will manage to hunt you down! ❤️
I’ve saved some choc for you when you are able to have some, don’t you worry!
Thyroid is a bugger.. it seems to have the potential to cause havoc at the drop of a hat, so keep a watch on things.
I do hope physio will help with the arthritis; another horrid condition.
Take care Sarah.. remember THE ONLY WAY IS UP!!
Xxxxx
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Sorry to hear others are going through it. When I'm home tonight I will respond x
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Nas, I never thought I would have a stalker! Nice that it's you, my rollercoaster companion.
How are you doing after a such a bad bad time last week. Any joys with your g.p getting things going forward ??
Am indeed doing my physio, trying to stage the need for painkillers or worse in the future. It is known that can come in cycles, and at least right now I can move freely, more discomfort than pain. And as we all know that's a bonus in the mix of everything else😂
Xx
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And Kara,
You are always amazing to take time out to respond to others. With all you are dealing with, just remember not to pressure yourself too much. Take some time for you. I for one need a chance to rant on here, and I hate the thought of you pushing yourself to respond, grateful though I always am. It's wonderful you care and try to boost is when we need it most...just saying - take care of you too. Xx
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Hormonal upheaval can be awful. HRT isn't always a cure but may well help with some symptoms.
I am OK if I keep to a routine and don't book anything too far ahead. Unless I can book along with DH but not make any firm plans : i.e. going to a funeral or as later this year, to an Event in my family village where I haven't been for years ::). B&B booked but I will simply turn up!
Change throws me: I either deal on adrenaline and flop after, or simply can't cope. It doesn't take much 4 me to stop eating :'(
I'm the same atm, adrenaline and flop after, or can't cope. I am trying to observe it all to see what keeps me stable and what doesn't. I don't think the health anxiety is helping, I think that's a biggie. Especially because I won't go to the doctor atm, it's just another stress, so not good. I'm working on it. I've got a tooth infection again now, I need to see dentist but it's another thing in a long list of things to do. Hopefully I will get it under control today, it's a recurring one and especially if under stress, but the underlying issue needs treating of course.
Good if hubby understands things and can arrange stuff and you just have to turn up. Although I get how stressful even that can be.
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Thank you Kara
I am pleased that you have a positive outlook on your move, it's just the upheaval of it all right now. It is unbelievably stressful to move, even if you are staying where you want to be. And having professional cleaners in is a great idea. One tiny thing you can tick off.
But I don't know if it is a mix of getting older, hormonal or just our personalities but I hate change. It just makes me so nervous.my self confidence in many aspects of life has just taken a right nose dive. I used to cope well even in stressful situations, but right now it's all just piling up and I feel ready to crack it I get not by one more thing.
Am considering speaking to drs. I was on an AD which I weaned my self off a year ago, and the reason I am reluctant to go back on them is I am certain I am this way due to peri. So if I am on the right hrt, I should surely fell better than I do? More able to cope and not feel so ' flat ' and nervous and breaking down in stressy situations?
But of a quandry. Needs thinking about as am not sure I am depressed as such and do not want AD's unnecessarily.
Ah well. Having a quite day today. Much needed.
Take care Kara,
Sarah T, I'm inclined to agree with you that if you think this is peri, then last thing you want is AD's. It's not treating the cause. I'm not a professional though and sometimes AD's are thought to give the brain a 'break,' so might still be beneficial. But I remember so many downsides from going down that route when I was younger and mostly wouldn't need now. I prefer to talk it through, isolate whatever is causing the stress, find a way to deal with it etc. But I know they are important to take sometimes.
I'm the same, used to be able to deal with a lot more stress than now. Part of what's bothering me is my health doesn't seem good, in the last 2 years I seem quite wobbly on the health front, it doesn't take a lot to knock me. At the moment I've got a tooth infection, it's a recurring one and it's only started up because of the stress of moving. There were additional things to deal with over and above the usual. Due to health anxiety I won't go to the doctor about it, he'll only tell me to go to the dentist, the dentist will prescribe antibiotics which I won't take unless absolutely necessary because I'm pretty phobic about upset stomachs (sounds stupid but things like that seem to really bring me down). Neither doctor or dentist want to talk about this problem, neither have the 'bedside manner' that past professionals did who were always able to help. Anyway, it boils down to me having a lot of green tea, vitamin c, garlic, echinacea and brushing etc, and hoping I can catch it. I'm also not sure if I've had covid in the past week, because feeling under the weather generally. When I feel physically strong my mind is a bit better.
Sarah, I don't know if this would help but can you get a calendar and 'organise' the next couple of months to keep a lot of stuff off your plate, and then in that time have a look at your HRT? What hrt are you taking? Have you had a blood test for estradiol and progesterone levels. I want to have a testosterone test also, I'm pretty sure that's what's lacking in me. I was always 'stronger' physically and emotionally. I did have my weaknesses, but not across the board like this.
I'm trying to have a quiet-ish day today, still got a lot to do but there's no pressure for it to be done today (though better if I do it, lol). Always here :)
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Is it me or is the weather still really hot. It's only 21 degrees today but I'm glowing and it's not a temperature. I don't get hot flushes but I've lowered the estradiol slightly. Wondering if it's that or is it just hot. >:(
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17 in our car today and muggy.
ADs treat depression, a few may help with hot flushes. If 1 is depressed, regardless of causation, appropriate ADs should be prescribed. Once the depression is controlled a better judgement as to whether HRT is required - some take both.
When depressed in the 1990s it never crossed my mind that it was hormonal as that 4 me, was totally different.
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17 in our car today and muggy.
ADs treat depression, a few may help with hot flushes. If 1 is depressed, regardless of causation, appropriate ADs should be prescribed. Once the depression is controlled a better judgement as to whether HRT is required - some take both.
When depressed in the 1990s it never crossed my mind that it was hormonal as that 4 me, was totally different.
Yes I think it's the weather after all CLKD, it's more breezy now. Thank goodness not me and hormones as I'm meant to be reducing estradiol and that would have complicated it. I think we might get a storm here, which I'm looking forward to, but grateful for the breeze at least.
Yes AD's have their place. It's definitely what's right for the patient at the end of the day.
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Hiya,
Thanks for replying Kara,
I also agree with CLKD, and many others, that Ad's do have their place and can be a good support. When I first realised I was peri, the g.p accepted I was reluctant to go on hrt ( old reason, now not relevant). At the time I decided to have CBT, and go onto AD's, sertraline, starting at 50 and increasing to 100. Tbh, I was so ignorant of peri and all the symptoms and even just how hrt could actually help. In Sept, I took myself off the sertraline, and began hrt.
As my moods and some physical symptoms have worsened, (my cyclical pms showed awful pmdd symptoms) I have increased I am currently on mirena coil and 125 strength estradot in the attempt suppress ovulation and even out my mood swings in particular.
I had blood tests a couple of weeks ago, the oestrogen level was 300. I think this is low for someone on such a high hrt, especially as I genuinely feel so awful. My moods, even away from the run up to ' periods ' as such on coil, can be stupidly scary,very teary, anxiety very wobbly, I feel fragile. Physically, I am exhausted, my energy levels are pathetic. I have gone down hill quite a lot.
Like you, I am not sure AD's are right for me now, in view of the fact that I am sure this is hormone\hrt related. BUT I have now gone up to 125, though just this week. If this doesn't help what the Hell can I do next???
I need to give this new strength a fair go, but tbh I havent much confidence. Like many, I seem to get a couple of improved weeks then symptoms return. I also asked about testosterone but my g.p kind of blipped over that.
Am in a bit of a mess really. Trying to keep going is a struggle some days.
I understand what you say about trying to have a quiet few weeks, but I am sure my hrt is just not doing enough.?? I mean this cannot be as good as it gets. It is not a fair quality of life. Am not expecting a cure, but more than how I am right now at this stage.
Anyhow, I am fortunate my anxiety is not also health anxiety. Any time must be awful but at peri\meno yours just be intensified so much. The pain of tooth problems are horrible. Like you I do seem to be being hit by quite a few health things all at once. Some days you don't know what to try to heal first! Like yourself I do try to help without extra drugs as much as possible. Am back on the evening primrose oil to help any breast pain and also for my joints. Also ground flax seed for joint pain too. On the bright side my acid reflux is a bit better. Hurrah for small successes!!
Thanks Kara
Look after yourself x
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I'll read the thread in a bit.
My mood has seriously tanked. Not sure what happened. I'm moving for good on Tuesday, and should be happy. There was a lot of shouting and noise when I went there the other day, not antisocial, just noise and it's triggered me. Not sure why though as often it's been quiet and it's probably nothing. I've just had awful problems where I've been for the last 7 years so I think I'm on hyper alert.
But it's not even that, my mood is just really low. My best friend has drifted off since the pandemic, gradually, in stages, getting further and further away. They call when they need emotional support, but seem adamant they are not giving any and I keep taking their calls because it's out of character and out of what we always had in our friendship. But 3 years has passed and I'm taking calls only to be giving support all the time and no matter how strong the hints are or even direct conversation about how things are, they clam up and won't discuss, have to go, or I'm being silly etc.
I can deal with that situation, though it's heartbreaking, just the timing is really not brilliant.
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Hi Kara,
As you say you are under so much stress with the imminent move, so any thing is likely to feel intensified right now including noise at your new place. You say yourself that it's mostly ' normal ' noise, but maybe your senses are heightened.
Moving is just an awful time, the you have said yourself that this is a positive move. Only a few more days now and you will be beginning to settle in.
As for you friend, sadly you may be better taking a temporary step backwards? You cannot be expected to give yourself to someone all the time when you have your own struggles. Of course your friend is also having difficulties and it is natural to want to support them..but, is it possible for you rather than use hints to be upfront and say just how bad things are for you? That you love them and will always want to be there for them, but right now you are fragile yourself? Perhaps put it to them that due to your own health, you are concerned you are not in the best place to give them the correct help they need?
Whilst in a bad mental state, it can be a little 'selfish' ( cannot find the right word here) and by that I mean as the feelings are so real and severe ( I speak from my own experience here) so your friend may not actually be aware of how hard it is for you as their own struggles are so bad that they cannot see beyond that.
I hope this evening is more restful for you. Take care of yourself x
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I had blood tests a couple of weeks ago, the oestrogen level was 300. I think this is low for someone on such a high hrt, especially as I genuinely feel so awful. My moods, even away from the run up to ' periods ' as such on coil, can be stupidly scary,very teary, anxiety very wobbly, I feel fragile. Physically, I am exhausted, my energy levels are pathetic. I have gone down hill quite a lot.
Like you, I am not sure AD's are right for me now, in view of the fact that I am sure this is hormone\hrt related. BUT I have now gone up to 125, though just this week. If this doesn't help what the Hell can I do next???
Hi Sarah,
thanks for your reply, I will think through what you've said, but for now I just wanted to address your post (while I'm awake at 2am thanks to my so called friend's behaviour over the phone today).
You've actually brought a question to mind. I vaguely remember my oestrogen being 300 and the doctor saying it was too high, yet a quick google suggests (at least at quick glance) that it could be a lot higher. As it is I'm feeling physically better with lowering it, it's stopping my postural hypotension which was severe. But re you, I am wondering what are the levels really meant to be to be healthy and balanced?
I'm so sorry you're having a hard time, I have been there and I think it's been when oestrogen is low. I tend to think we have to get our levels optimised first and then if there are still problems, see if an alternative treatment works better (like a different hrt) and if still problems, then maybe we need something else also, like maybe AD's, etc.
I've taken some st john's wort, just for this week, to take the edge off things, but that's because I'm reacting to change and it's likely to settle down by end of next week, so I don't think it's hormonal. It is holding my head above water at the moment and that's about it, but I did at least feel it work to do that, so I'm not drowning for now, lol.
What you've described to me reminds me of when my oestrogen was much lower, so I don't know how helpful this is but (if you haven't already) maybe a little bit of research on what the levels could be for someone your age. I say could be, because a lot of the information will be on what they think it should be, but the body might need more, etc.
Of course you might have researched all this already, but if it's helpful I'll look into it with you. I know what it's like when struggling, you can't always manage all these things. I agree with you that it has to be better than this, this can't be as good as it gets.
I'll better get to bed now as it's 2am. My friend is being obnoxious atm, very different to what I'm used to, so I've found it hard to get to bed, but with cleaners coming in the morning I'd better go. Talk soon and hope you have a better day x
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Sarah T
I'm sure you have looked into this, but if not, have your thyroid levels been tested?
If not, it might be worth a check because this is another area that can bring on overlapping symptoms with menopause, even for people not in menopause. I know as I've had thryoid problems since 2000.
I used to get facial flushing and I thought I was in early menopause aged 30, but each time that happened it was that my levels on thyroid hormone were dropping and I just needed an increase in meds. Anyway just thought I'd mention that as the effects are definitely significant.
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Morning Ladies.
If someone drains you then drop that person. Friendships may come to a natural ending. Lives move on, situations alter. When a job or a person is keeping you awake at night, then it's time to review that situation.
Hormonal upheaval during our menstruating years can be difficult enough to deal with, add The Change to the mix and the body and brain are on alert more often.
Once you get moved Kara you will feel better, even if there is noise once you find out the causation you can settle. In our street there is a loud, bossy man who shouts; he can't have a normal conversation even when not angry >:(. Because of my childhood background when a voice is raised I cringe and go into survival mode. Even when it's someone shouting hello down the street, I am immediately on alert :(.
Did U get the deep cleaning sorted?
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Hello Kara
First, I wish you well this week with your house move. I hope by the end of this week if not earlier that many of the stresses of the move have passed and you begin to feel settled again. I think you are pretty amazing going through all the health difficulties, friend problems and a move and get still manage to reply to us on this forum. CLKD maybe right about your friend. Unless their own situation improves it stays a neighbours for You to take on. Maybe just you need a break smoothly are so stressed yourself?
I have indeed got an underactive thyroid, for about 25 years I think, I tend to have yearly checks but also had one end of last year and my thyroxine was increased to 125. My last blood tests of a couple of weeks ago showed it was on the right level.
I tend to agree with you that the hrt should be at its best first, so am continuing this regime for a good 2 months further in the hope I improve a lot. I admit to being very wary at the thought of changing hrt, I cannot go backwards. My moods are definitely less severe than even 2 months ago. But I cannot believe that physically this is my optimum. Like yourself I have no disagreement with Ad's, they have helped in the past,but I 100% do not think they are what I need for now I am feeling.
I have looked into 'normal' ranges for estrogen, and my gp said my levels were ok. You are so right that sometimes it is hard to fight when we are physically and mentally exhausted. I have had an ongoing difficulty obtaining estradot over an entire year! Something that multiplies my anxiety ever single month. Am not sure I feel strong enough to challenge my g.p about levels. Maybe an initial email would work so I do not get flustered and keep it concise.
So. My plan. Stay on this dose for two further months. Hope it continues to improve my pms\pmdd and suppresses ovulation. And that my energy levels become more acceptable. Given in on brain fog.
If not, email g.p, ask about estrogen levels, possibly testosterone, and a referral to a meno clinic. Look at me being all decisive.🙄
Thanks Kara, look after yourself
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As for you friend, sadly you may be better taking a temporary step backwards? You cannot be expected to give yourself to someone all the time when you have your own struggles. Of course your friend is also having difficulties and it is natural to want to support them..but, is it possible for you rather than use hints to be upfront and say just how bad things are for you? That you love them and will always want to be there for them, but right now you are fragile yourself? Perhaps put it to them that due to your own health, you are concerned you are not in the best place to give them the correct help they need?
Whilst in a bad mental state, it can be a little 'selfish' ( cannot find the right word here) and by that I mean as the feelings are so real and severe ( I speak from my own experience here) so your friend may not actually be aware of how hard it is for you as their own struggles are so bad that they cannot see beyond that.
I hope this evening is more restful for you. Take care of yourself x
Thanks for this Sarah
Unfortunately my friend is being very difficult to the point of sabotaging any conversation at all. And I could write it all down in a letter to them, explaining, but it just seems like more 'giving.' They know how they've been. I have done this before and it's worked but this has gone a bit too far, and, they know what they're doing. I just think with the pandemic, etc, it's possible that they no longer need me as their friend in the way they did. I am one of those people who's very consistent and I can remember my relationships with people over time even if I don't see them. I'm beginning to realise many are not like this. I thought this friend was, but only time will tell. I just think they need to give something before I give anything else.
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Morning Ladies.
If someone drains you then drop that person. Friendships may come to a natural ending. Lives move on, situations alter. When a job or a person is keeping you awake at night, then it's time to review that situation.
Hormonal upheaval during our menstruating years can be difficult enough to deal with, add The Change to the mix and the body and brain are on alert more often.
Once you get moved Kara you will feel better, even if there is noise once you find out the causation you can settle. In our street there is a loud, bossy man who shouts; he can't have a normal conversation even when not angry >:(. Because of my childhood background when a voice is raised I cringe and go into survival mode. Even when it's someone shouting hello down the street, I am immediately on alert :(.
Did U get the deep cleaning sorted?
Sorted.
Yes too much noise tends to put me in survival mode as well. Unfortunately in my new property there's something causing a headache, I don't know if it's the boiler. Definitely a humming noise when I open the boiler cupboard. Can't jump to conclusions now but I will get someone to check it and hopefully it's that. There are no neighbours on the bedroom side, and I don't think base music would travel that far, when I stand in the garden there's nothing, so it must be in the building.
I just don't need it really with everything else, but there we are, it wouldn't be a breakdown if it wasn't overwhelming, lol.
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Morning Ladies.
If someone drains you then drop that person. Friendships may come to a natural ending. Lives move on, situations alter. When a job or a person is keeping you awake at night, then it's time to review that situation.
Agree CLKD, but when it's a close friend who's been with you through thick and thin, and you've dropped many many people already for letting you down...
I know we shouldn't focus on this but I actually counted out the people that have let me down with a friend the other day. She has known me forever and remembers everything and knows it's the truth. You get to a certain age and wonder is it worth making new friends anymore, been doing it all my life (no offence to anyone here, I am open to it but just making the point). I'm not married, don't have kids, am an 'only child' so friends are important. This 'best friend' of mine is in a similar situation and we've been there for each other for years. I will drop anyone though if their heart's not in the right place. I suppose at the moment I'm just sad about it all and don't really want to move from there as it's either go, or try and engage with them, but then I'm making all the effort. So I'm just sad for now.
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So. My plan. Stay on this dose for two further months. Hope it continues to improve my pms\pmdd and suppresses ovulation. And that my energy levels become more acceptable. Given in on brain fog.
If not, email g.p, ask about estrogen levels, possibly testosterone, and a referral to a meno clinic. Look at me being all decisive.🙄
That sounds really positive Sarah.
I'm currently reducing oestrogen, so I have to do that a little more before then seeing how I am. In my case I'm feeling physically better as the oestrogen is going down.
What is the benefit of suppressing ovulation? Its possible I'm still going through ovulation, and that's why the oestrogen was too high. I may have started hrt a bit too soon 3 years ago.
I think it's good you have a plan of action to tackle this :)
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Hi Kara,
Glad.you are in your new home. Just that annoying him to get used to or sorted. Our house freaks like barmy in high winds like being on board and old ship. Takes a while to recognise what is the new normal!
I am attempting to suppress ovulation as my (40+) years of bad pms for so much worse with peri, and the cyclical moods swings had pmdd symptoms. I can't even find words to express how severe they were getting. I was getting quite scared as was my husband.
So the idea is to flood my body with a large dose of oestrogen that stops ovulation and therefore stops the mad fluctuations of hormones which should even out the dips due in my natural cycle.
So far, It is improving my moods..I No longer feel unsafe at the time my period is due. But I am wary and expect the worse every month still. But better than I have been and persevering!
Take care
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I'm not at all good atm. Moved home. The bedroom floor vibrates in the morning when the neighbouring property are going about their business and can be anytime between 5 and 7 which these days is early for me. It's not that I mind waking at 7, but naturally, not because the bed has started with vibrations. The bedroom is the furthest point away from them in the house but seems the weaker of the rooms in terms of structure, but the vibration is across all the rooms when it happens.
So today I decided to try and sleep through it, but constant waking and then drifting off and having not set my alarm, I woke at 11! So it's messing with my own routines now.
I'll try and deal with it in time and seek some advice etc..
The other thing is I'm just homesick, which sounds daft because I wanted to move, but I want to get out of this new home and 'go home' just for a while, to get a break from the things affecting me. Everything is a problem atm (although I know it will get sorted), wifi signal is poor, tv signal non existant, can only get the radio channels. That's all ok because I have enough wifi and I can do without tv, but it's just a lot of small things, plus being in a new place.
A family member and her friend are coming to visit tomorrow from miles away (surprise surprise, always if there's something new to see but then long stretches with no contact, not even phone calls). The house is not really fit to be seen, I've been too depressed to be honest, everything is all still in boxes and I have little energy and cannot blitz the place. They won't mind but they want to go out for lunch, I don't know why they can't just visit at the house and be content with that (I mean my mother's house who is the main person they are visiting, not mine, so it's comfortable).
On top of all this my close friend (not partner, he has had numerous partners over the years and always remained friends with me for 2 decades and that is all it is and all I want, so a bit of a shock that you can lose that kind of friendship) seems to have drifted off since the lockdowns. When I try to talk about it he denies, avoids, gets defensive, etc. He's calling regularly but it's become all about him. Not getting how I feel at all atm.
So I'm in a strange house, there are disturbances and I've lost my best friend. That's how I feel. There's more light in all this than I've painted here, but those things have really got to me.
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Stop the visitors? Ring them and say 'not at the moment'. Put foot down with firm hand. You don't have to justify why, a simple 'no to your visit for a while' should be enough so 1 stressor out of the way.
Old houses do rattle. U will get used to it. Is the top floor carpeted which made reduce noise.
Same with people who drain you. A quiet 'tnx for your call but I am on my way out'. Some1 once asked why, if I were going out did I answer the phone, my answer was "Well she might have been held up so was letting me know".
So concentrate on any positives. Make a double list on an A5 sheet of paper with a line down the middle: one for sadness, the other for hope. Eventually the hope list will outrun the sadness.
All change is difficult even when we want it ;-)
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Stop the visitors? Ring them and say 'not at the moment'. Put foot down with firm hand. You don't have to justify why, a simple 'no to your visit for a while' should be enough so 1 stressor out of the way.
Old houses do rattle. U will get used to it. Is the top floor carpeted which made reduce noise.
Same with people who drain you. A quiet 'tnx for your call but I am on my way out'. Some1 once asked why, if I were going out did I answer the phone, my answer was "Well she might have been held up so was letting me know".
So concentrate on any positives. Make a double list on an A5 sheet of paper with a line down the middle: one for sadness, the other for hope. Eventually the hope list will outrun the sadness.
All change is difficult even when we want it ;-)
Thanks CLKD <3
I will have the visitors because they are mainly coming for my mum anyway, but I might call tonight and just let them know it's been a tough few weeks and I haven't got my place all presented how I'd like for their first visit. They are pretty down to earth, it's just that they are coming just when I'm not ready, but that's life. It will do me good to see some family as my mood has been really low and I know it will do my mum good, she's got friends but it's not the same as her family.
I will do what you've said on paper, not right now, as a lot to try and fit into the afternoon, but at least I'm functioning.
I've had a long chat with best friend and feel a lot better, he can't visit atm, but now I've helped him go through his schedule which is ridiculously busy, I can see all the pressure he's under, so it's ok. I can deal with this for now and I now have his schedule if I want to drive over to him sometime in the next month
Hopefully I'll get used to the vibration in the morning, the night is obviously something to do with tv speakers or something like that, but the morning, not sure, might be someone's washing machine or water pipes or something, it just wakes me up sometimes. It might not be all the time, so I'll just wait and see.
Thanks for listening. I'll try and get on for the rest of today now, a lot of work is stacking up because of being so low (I do a lot of work at home). I'll try and keep things constructive for the rest of the day. :)
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Is your Mum living with you or locally?
Buy some good ear plugs, but don't put them too deep into the ear as they may vibrate. Everything around you is new and any rattle will be disturbing for a couple of nights. I assume it is semi-detached?
Perhaps get 1 room 'ready' as well as the bathroom - they don't have to see the whole house ;-).
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Is your Mum living with you or locally?
Buy some good ear plugs, but don't put them too deep into the ear as they may vibrate. Everything around you is new and any rattle will be disturbing for a couple of nights. I assume it is semi-detached?
Perhaps get 1 room 'ready' as well as the bathroom - they don't have to see the whole house ;-).
My mum is just local to me.
Ear plugs are no good, this is vibration, so you feel it. Only time will tell how bad that will be, I've survived so far lol.
I've tidied, feeling a bit better. It looks like I've just moved in but more orderly now. :)
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Boxes can be covered with blankets/table cloths ;-)
Do U feel worse 1st thing in the morning?
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Boxes can be covered with blankets/table cloths ;-)
Do U feel worse 1st thing in the morning?
At the moment, yes. I think I am depressed but pretty sure I'm gradually coming out of it, just change has never been easy for me.
I'll keep an eye on it, it's only been a week feeling like this. Part of it is lack of support from anyone lately. I had a long chat with friend and my mood lifted. And coming back on here was a sign I was feeling a bit better as I didn't have it in me to even talk before. :-X ;D
I'm pleased with all I've achieved today, it's radically different to the last few days.
You'll probably be reading this on Weds, but it's Tues night I'm typing this. Progesterone patch will change to estradiol on Thursday, I'm always very wakeful in the lead up ::)
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Hi Kara,
Glad.you are in your new home. Just that annoying him to get used to or sorted. Our house freaks like barmy in high winds like being on board and old ship. Takes a while to recognise what is the new normal!
I am attempting to suppress ovulation as my (40+) years of bad pms for so much worse with peri, and the cyclical moods swings had pmdd symptoms. I can't even find words to express how severe they were getting. I was getting quite scared as was my husband.
So the idea is to flood my body with a large dose of oestrogen that stops ovulation and therefore stops the mad fluctuations of hormones which should even out the dips due in my natural cycle.
So far, It is improving my moods..I No longer feel unsafe at the time my period is due. But I am wary and expect the worse every month still. But better than I have been and persevering!
Take care
Hi Sarah
in what way do you mean your house is like being on an old ship? Do you actually get vibration or movement? Something runs under my bedroom floor, but much less so the living room. I think the structure of the building is stronger in there. I will have to ask my relative who is in the navy how to sleep with that. It's not happening all the time thankfully, think it might be water or pipes etc
Ah, now I understand what you mean re your hormone treatment. Good that things are a little better and you are persevering and that you have the plan you spoke about. Hope you're ok atm x
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in what way do you mean your house is like being on an old ship? Do you actually get vibration or movement? Something runs under my bedroom floor, but much less so the living room. I think the structure of the building is stronger in there. I will have to ask my relative who is in the navy how to sleep with that. It's not happening all the time thankfully, think it might be water or pipes etc
CLKD suggested earplugs, I'd go one better and wear headphones.
I wear mine every night, nice comfy earpads and music to keep sending me back to sleep. Our bedroom is a wooden structure which can be quite scary in a storm, for years I'd lay awake feeling the house shuddering all night, or snoring, the neighbours dogs, bin lorries, my husband getting up (minor earthquake on its own). I find that even though it's vibration and movement as well as sound, the music somehow keeps me asleep. It keeps me on the other side of that tipping point between asleep and awake, not by much, the smoke alarm still wakes me, but by just enough.
I could have avoided years of insomina if I'd discovered this earlier, but then I'd kids to listen for in the night, so I couldn't really.
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in what way do you mean your house is like being on an old ship? Do you actually get vibration or movement? Something runs under my bedroom floor, but much less so the living room. I think the structure of the building is stronger in there. I will have to ask my relative who is in the navy how to sleep with that. It's not happening all the time thankfully, think it might be water or pipes etc
CLKD suggested earplugs, I'd go one better and wear headphones.
I wear mine every night, nice comfy earpads and music to keep sending me back to sleep. Our bedroom is a wooden structure which can be quite scary in a storm, for years I'd lay awake feeling the house shuddering all night, or snoring, the neighbours dogs, bin lorries, my husband getting up (minor earthquake on its own). I find that even though it's vibration and movement as well as sound, the music somehow keeps me asleep. It keeps me on the other side of that tipping point between asleep and awake, not by much, the smoke alarm still wakes me, but by just enough.
I could have avoided years of insomina if I'd discovered this earlier, but then I'd kids to listen for in the night, so I couldn't really.
Interesting, thanks meno mel
This morning since 7 it's been a constant buzzing, very subtle and low level, but I like to feel the ground underneath me and this alters that. And I'm sleep deprived for my visitors. Sounds like a whinge but it's kind of a big deal for me with hashimotos as well, I need my sleep.
I'm sure the neighbour is doing something pretty benign, like running a garden hose or low level tv surround sound or something, but it runs right through the bedroom floor whatever it is. And I'm sure it's something different every time and will be hard to isolate what it is and people don't want to hear it. I hope I get used to it, but it's not healthy, not like feeling the ground under you.
I will try the white noise and things, it's at least got to help, I also wondered about weighted blankets, as they might make me feel grounded when this is going on
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Why not ask the neighbours? Introduce yourself and bring up the query ? MayB your visitors will be able to isolate the sensations.
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Hello Kara,
Sorry for radio silence, had a few bad days, which you know sadly too well.
Like menomel, and her own creaking house. Ours is a small barn conversion with really high ceilings in the living room in particular, so lots of exposed beams. And when the wind is howling it seems to almost recommend house, and beams creak on extra strong gusts. It's and old structure, about 400 years old but converted about 25 years ago, and it took a while to get used to all the creaks and groans and just generally house noises, the water coming on, floorboards sometimes squeak as best comes on in the underfloor heating. No I feel some house house as comforting rather than worrying noises.
I am quite noise intolerant I think, although neighbours are just going about there day to day lives I get easily irritated. I have tinnitus in both ears as well but don't know if that adds to my intolerance.
I wish you well with the relative visits, it's good you are beginning to feel more lifted after a supportive chat with a friend. Often I find the thought of an impending visit is so much worse than them being here... And I actually mostly enjoy them being here! It is early days for your new move, maybe rather than missing your old place it may be just the result of all the stresses you have been under.
As you say, even being back on the forum is a positive. Small steps can feel the biggest sometimes.
Take care x
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Why not ask the neighbours? Introduce yourself and bring up the query ? MayB your visitors will be able to isolate the sensations.
I will CLKD, just overwhelmed with so much to do atm.
Visitors just had a quick visit as we'd been out for a meal and they'd come a long way.
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Hello Kara,
Sorry for radio silence, had a few bad days, which you know sadly too well.
Like menomel, and her own creaking house. Ours is a small barn conversion with really high ceilings in the living room in particular, so lots of exposed beams. And when the wind is howling it seems to almost recommend house, and beams creak on extra strong gusts. It's and old structure, about 400 years old but converted about 25 years ago, and it took a while to get used to all the creaks and groans and just generally house noises, the water coming on, floorboards sometimes squeak as best comes on in the underfloor heating. No I feel some house house as comforting rather than worrying noises.
I am quite noise intolerant I think, although neighbours are just going about there day to day lives I get easily irritated. I have tinnitus in both ears as well but don't know if that adds to my intolerance.
I wish you well with the relative visits, it's good you are beginning to feel more lifted after a supportive chat with a friend. Often I find the thought of an impending visit is so much worse than them being here... And I actually mostly enjoy them being here! It is early days for your new move, maybe rather than missing your old place it may be just the result of all the stresses you have been under.
As you say, even being back on the forum is a positive. Small steps can feel the biggest sometimes.
Take care x
No problem with the radio silence :) I don't think we need hard and fast rules on this thread, if we reply all good, if not, it's probably overwhelm or busy etc
Sorry you've had a few bad days, I hope you have more good days coming and that today is a little better.
I think I'm acutely aware of noise and movement that's not 'natural' as in a generator, or a speaker or something like that, especially when it occurs in my quiet time when either trying to sleep or reflect and when it's causing buzzing or movement through the bed especially. But for now I've got enough on my plate just sorting stuff out. I tend to be on tenterhooks these days if I'm not totally together and on top of things. Any disarray causes me anxiety.
Anyway it will all be ok in the end, lol. Talking of small steps, I'm now living where I used to walk when younger, so I'm going to attempt a walk in a while.
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Well a very quiet saturday night here only to be woken at 6am by intense vibration going through my floor and bed. So much so that I started rearranging the bedroom, the bed is now on the other side of the room, which still gets it, but hoping it won't get the early morning intense vibration. Perhaps it's a boiler heating up then, but sunday mornings are the worst and seem to coincide with lots of banging and other family sounds (which I don't mind). So still have my suspicions it's a sound bar, gaming equipment or something.
Took a sleeping pill at 8am to try and get more sleep as been sleep deprived all week.
3pm, only just ready to go out and see relatives, having taken the best part of the day to sort myself out.
I do hope this all gets better, I feel like I'm at the bottom of a mountain at the moment and it has to be climbed.
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It's all new. Give yourself some slack. Sundays are for resting ;-). And who are you answerable to?
Is there a railway station locally? Vibrations and noise travel differently at ground level, as we found out whilst camping in France many years ago :o :o [long story short ::)]. Or lorries on a road?
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It's all new. Give yourself some slack. Sundays are for resting ;-). And who are you answerable to?
Is there a railway station locally? Vibrations and noise travel differently at ground level, as we found out whilst camping in France many years ago :o :o [long story short ::)]. Or lorries on a road?
Thanks CLKD,
it seems I'm giving myself a lot of slack this year and nothing is being done. I'm only answerable to me, only want to be happy, I haven't arranged to go away this year, and I only mean in this country, I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere.
I know what you mean but these vibrations do seem tied to the neighbouring property. That said moving my bed seems to have helped a bit, hopefully that will continue. thanks for replying while I'm a misery ;D
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You're a misery, U can't see me with brown paper bag over my head ;D
Half a day at a time? Did U sleep last night or lay awake waiting for the intrusions?
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You're a misery, U can't see me with brown paper bag over my head ;D
Half a day at a time? Did U sleep last night or lay awake waiting for the intrusions?
I slept. I do everything I can to make things work. Thankfully moving the furniture may have helped as it's the early waking that's the worst (can't go back to sleep quickly and then have to be up soon after)
I'm going out for a walk this afternoon, it's raining but I don't mind, it's only light. I'm meant to be working, but it's not happening atm, will just have to work longer the rest of this week.
Sorry you've got the brown paper bag over your head. Actually that sounds like a good idea, I could go get one and hide in it. ;D
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Mine's soggy now, all that rain ::)
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Mine's soggy now, all that rain ::)
;D
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health feels a bit better today, not completely better but better.
Friend called, they have to have a brain scan :( they've always had problems from a childhood brain injury, but I don't see that they are any worse now, they are just the same. Not sure what good could come of it as there's very little that can be done if they did find something. They are not showing signs suggestive of a tumour or anything like that. They are just showing all their usual problems, enhanced by the lockdowns and lack of social support, but otherwise no different. I worry anything found will depress them and lead them to give up. And it may have been there most of their life.
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I am wondering if my heightened anxiety about everything is as a result of the gradual lowering of estradiol. It seems way more pronounced. I've also lost 2 - 3 inches off my waist since doing it as well (that's a good thing though lol)
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Feeling a bit brighter today.
I don't need drugs, just an understanding friend (who's finally realised how low I was and is being supportive now) and a sense that I'm making progess (which I now feel I am). I've still got all the problems I mentioned but more equipped to manage those now than I was.
How's everyone else?
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Hello Kara,
That's so good your friend can now give you the support and understanding you need. Even with health issues aside, sometimes the Crap side of life can feel a bit overwhelming and at times it can of course impact our anxiety and mental health. So it's great that this has given you a better feel for things. Just one small positive can help turns things around.
So as for me, well my energy is still pretty poor. I have been saying to my gp each time we are in contact how exhausted I get and how bad my joint pain and muscle weakness is. I was hoping hrt would help the pain as it seems for some women, but I on an unlicensed dose of patches and can't go higher. So it seems my pain and tiredness is not peri related, after blood tests ruled out the usual suspects she is now testing my cortisol levels,then referring me to a rheumatologist. I have been diagnosed with osteo arthritis in both hips this year, but my physio thinks it is either rheumatoid arthritis of fibromyalgia. Oh good. More to contend with....
Anyhow, trying to stay positive and moving as much as I can. On Ads now to help with the severe pms, fingers crossed these next couple of weeks when my cycle usually hits things my moods will be better.
In an ok mood today, physically Crap but I am 6\10 physically and an 8\10 mentally. I'll take that!
Take care
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Exhausted again >:( fed up with it, I have a visitor staying down the road and I am not seeing her because she's up with the lark, she'll be opening the wine now and settling down.
That said it seems a lot of people are doing that these days.
Can't seem to access services in the afternoon either and it doesn't help for people with chronic fatigue. The gardener wants to come in the morning, the doctors, it has to be morning, virtually everyone you call for anything, it has to be the morning.
I have decided if a service doesn't run in the afternoon (I'm not asking late, just noon onwards) then I'm not waiting, I'm moving on.
Now to beat my exhaustion into tidying up a little and getting out to see my visitor who's travelled a long way >:( >:( >:(
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I feel like I'm going mad some days :o ...honestly the mood swings... :'( :-\ paranoia...sometimes its like another person has taken over my body and I'm thinking why am I saying this? ... that's not what I wanted to say! Already lost friend due to things I have no memory of saying (found email months later..no memory of writing it at all)
I've even been googling 'Menopausal Psychosis'! and whether you can have Dissociative Amnesia from having severe brain fog during menopause! :-\ ...but daren't ask a GP in case they thought I really had and locked me up! :-X
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I feel like I'm going mad some days :o ...honestly the mood swings... :'( :-\ paranoia...sometimes its like another person has taken over my body and I'm thinking why am I saying this? ... that's not what I wanted to say! Already lost friend due to things I have no memory of saying (found email months later..no memory of writing it at all)
Susie69, this doesn't surprise me, I was forgetting things I'd said and done, or been asked if I would do and I agreed and then promptly forgot. HRT seemed to stop all that with me, but I think all these things go in phases so it could happen again.
Sorry to hear you lost a friend over it, have you attempted explaining you have no recollection of it? That would suggest that you had some kind of hormonal thing going on then.