Menopause Matters Forum

Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: lisa06031510 on May 14, 2023, 11:03:23 AM

Title: Feeling scared
Post by: lisa06031510 on May 14, 2023, 11:03:23 AM
Hi All,

Just turning to you guys for support as usual... I do have Amazing family and Friends but I also know they don't fully understand and they worry so much...

I've felt my menopause symptoms return the last few weeks and have an appointment with my Dr for Friday to discuss HRT review.. I am currently on 125mg but after today I just self upped it to 150mg

So I had a Breakdown in August 2021 due to wrong amount of HRT and since May 2022 I haven't cried or had any emotions.... Physical symptoms have been coming back over last few weeks but today I randomly burst in to tears which I was greatful for as I used to cry all the time and I've had nothing for a year but the crying soon turned into a panic attack and darl thought... I am now petrified this is gonna be the start of me having another mental breakdown and I'm really not sure I'm strong enough to survive another one
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: Flossieteacake on May 14, 2023, 11:24:59 AM
Hi Lisa, I can understand why you are scared. From what I gather you went through such a lot then and also had surgery. That was a huge thing to deal with. You are in a different place now.

Although you are struggling this does not mean you will have a breakdown.

How do you feel about having therapy? It can really help with getting in touch with your feelings.
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: lisa06031510 on May 14, 2023, 11:46:39 AM
Hi ya,

Thank you for replying, I really needed that... I feel so alone all though I'm.not.

Yeah I had surgery 3.5 years ago at age 36 and it was horrendous and I'm just so scared it's starting again...

I tried Therapy and it didn't work for me... I have been on this amount. Of HRT for a year so I'm hoping I just need an adjustment and I will be ok again.. I've been wanting to cry for a year and now it's happened I don't like it
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: Flossieteacake on May 14, 2023, 11:49:35 AM
Hi ya,

Thank you for replying, I really needed that... I feel so alone all though I'm.not.

Yeah I had surgery 3.5 years ago at age 36 and it was horrendous and I'm just so scared it's starting again...

I tried Therapy and it didn't work for me... I have been on this amount. Of HRT for a year so I'm hoping I just need an adjustment and I will be ok again.. I've been wanting to cry for a year and now it's happened I don't like it

You are most welcome. What kind of therapy did you have? There are so many different kinds and different therapists. It took me a while to find the right therapy and therapist for myself.

I remember when you first joined here, you were very distressed about feeling so numb and being unable to cry. It sounds like crying has come as a shock to you as it has not happened for a while. For some people, crying can be very therapeutic so if you are crying it means you are not keeping things in.

I am sure a tweak to your HRT will help too. 
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: lisa06031510 on May 14, 2023, 11:57:16 AM
It was on the phone to a therapist... And I just wanted to talk about coping strategies as I never ever want to have a breakdown again but she kept wanting to talk about my past and it wasn't something I wanted to discuss...

When I first had op I kept crying and having mini panic attacks and mini breakdown and it led to a Big mental Breakdown that took me what felt like forever to get over!!! But then I just stopped feeling and I just become numb and that wasn't very nice as I've always been able to express myself so well... I had some other patches at home so upped them and will discuss with my Dr... I don't know if maybe I need to lowery HRT ?? I just have no clue... I'm 3.5 years in and I am 39 and have to stay on it til.52 but literally have no clue what I should be doing....I just want to feel like me again... So sorry to go on... Just don't want to worry people xx
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: Flossieteacake on May 14, 2023, 12:00:42 PM
It was on the phone to a therapist... And I just wanted to talk about coping strategies as I never ever want to have a breakdown again but she kept wanting to talk about my past and it wasn't something I wanted to discuss...

When I first had op I kept crying and having mini panic attacks and mini breakdown and it led to a Big mental Breakdown that took me what felt like forever to get over!!! But then I just stopped feeling and I just become numb and that wasn't very nice as I've always been able to express myself so well... I had some other patches at home so upped them and will discuss with my Dr... I don't know if maybe I need to lowery HRT ?? I just have no clue... I'm 3.5 years in and I am 39 and have to stay on it til.52 but literally have no clue what I should be doing....I just want to feel like me again... So sorry to go on... Just don't want to worry people xx

If you prefer to just focus on coping strategies then you may prefer CBT. I know some therapists believe we cannot move forward without addressing our past.

The way you suddenly became numb sounds to me like it could be a result of having to block out all your feelings so you could cope. Crying and feeling so much can be so hard to deal with and if we block it out it can be a way of coping.

You never need to apologise for talking about how you feel and you are not going on. HRT can need tweaking from time to time and it can be so frustrating to find a level we feel okay on and then have to adjust it again. It is okay if you need an adjustment.
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: CLKD on May 14, 2023, 12:58:59 PM
I never want to feel as frightened as I did whilst suffering anxiety attacks and cyclical depression  :-\

However, with correct ADs and an emergency anti-anxiety medication on the whole, in 15 years, I've been fine as long as I don't plan too far ahead.

It mayB that your hormones are rising and fall, interfering with any HRT.  Keeping a mood/food/symptom diary may be of use too.

Half a day at a time.   :hug:
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: lisa06031510 on May 14, 2023, 01:39:29 PM
I am going to call Dr tomorrow and see if can get an emergency appointment as I've self upped my HRT I don't want to be doing the wrong thing... I'm just hoping this is a once off but because I know my symptoms have been returning lately, I feel this is going to be ongoing til I get the dose ok again
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: CLKD on May 14, 2023, 03:17:05 PM
Let us know how you get on.
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: lisa06031510 on May 14, 2023, 03:23:49 PM
I just checked and my appointment is actually on Wednesday and I'm not due to carnage my patches til then so will just waith til then and see what they say
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: CLKD on May 14, 2023, 03:42:36 PM
 8)
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: lisa06031510 on May 17, 2023, 11:38:27 AM
Hi All,

Had a phone conversation with Dr.. I got the usual.its all to be expected at my age and after having a hysterectomy...
She did agree going up to 150mg was best thing to do and no harm in me being on a high dose because of  no Uterus.

She has referred me back to Guini though to see if there is anything else that can do... So fingers crossed this dose kicks in soon and my appointment is not to far away
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: sheila99 on May 17, 2023, 11:51:43 AM
Sending positive vibes your way. Hopefully the increased dose will sort it out, it sounds as though it should. Brownie points to your GP too, many won't prescribe above 100mg.
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: Flossieteacake on May 17, 2023, 11:53:18 AM
This is good to hear Lisa. I hope the increase helps.
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: lisa06031510 on May 17, 2023, 12:13:38 PM
Yeah they said 100 is normally the limit before getting sent to a professional so I've done well getting 150.... They said there is other stuff I can have as well to help but will need to be discussed with Hospital Dr...

I think I just worry that dose is too high but she said because no uterus it won't matter as much
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: Flossieteacake on May 17, 2023, 12:41:56 PM
Yeah they said 100 is normally the limit before getting sent to a professional so I've done well getting 150.... They said there is other stuff I can have as well to help but will need to be discussed with Hospital Dr...

I think I just worry that dose is too high but she said because no uterus it won't matter as much

If your body needs it then it is right for you. I think everybody seems to need different amounts. I hope it helps. :)
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: Claire MM on May 17, 2023, 01:55:33 PM
Hi Lisa, I just wanted to say that I really relate to what you have said here and the kind of mental affects and anxiety you describe, for most of last year I felt like I was rolling down a hill in a barrel, I can't really explain it very well, the hormones really do play a big part. I am not qualified to give advice on your dose but I am on 150 now (have gradually upped it to this) I don;t seem to be a good absorber of estrogen and also they say I believe younger women can need more as going through early menopause. It seems that the therapist was pushing you to talk about things you were not in the headspace for. It can be retraumatising to think back over traumatic events and you need to be at a point where that feels manageable and with a safe person who understands. All you have to do is right now, today and you are doing it, I'm glad you managed to speak to GP and they approved your dose. I hope you feel some benefit from the increased dose soon. And I hope referral helps xx
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: CLKD on May 17, 2023, 02:01:53 PM
MayB don't increase all at once, do it gradually?  Giving your body time to adjust gently?

MayB ask for an appt to a dedicated menopause specialist as GPs/Gyanes often don't know a lot!
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: lisa06031510 on May 17, 2023, 02:08:16 PM
Oh Claire MM sounds like you've had an awful time as well.... Has being on 150 helpeyyou?
I remember going from 100 to 125 I had horrid side effects but it seemed to get in my system quickly...

I had blood tests at 100mg just to make sure I was absorbing it correctly...
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: paisley on May 18, 2023, 01:03:30 PM
Hi, I had a total hysterectomy 10 years ago & it is totally different from natural menopause & you are still young which won’t help because the younger you are the more hormones you need. It can be a very scary place. I know I have been there. Thought I was going crazy & every time I had anxiety or depression I thought it was coming back with a vengeance but it didn’t. It wasn’t nice but over time it has got better & the same will happen with you. I’m sure the increased HRT will help. Xx
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: lisa06031510 on May 18, 2023, 01:18:48 PM
Awww that is reassuring.... Do you still suffer now? Are you still on HRT?
 I'm Def losing the plot this week... Flooded my bathroom with a bath I don't remember starting and swallowed a hard boiled sweet whole with out thinking... Just hoping I start feeling better soon... Not cried again though....but at same time I don't want to go back to being scared to feel.
Oh god I sound so bratty lol
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: paisley on May 18, 2023, 02:21:49 PM
Yes, I am still on oestrogen only HRT. I do still get times when I don’t feel good but they are becoming less & they usually only happen if I’m stressed. Any kind of stress in your life lowers your oestrogen. I’ve just started again doing muscle relaxation. I do a free one on YouTube & it helps with stress. When you have anxiety or depression it’s hard to concentrate on normal things because our mind is taken up with feeling bad hence the bath. When I feel like that I’m definitely not with it & can’t think straight. It’s horrible feeling like that but it will get better Xx
Title: Re: Feeling scared
Post by: Stargazer on May 21, 2023, 06:15:27 PM
Hi Paisley,

I saw from one of your earlier posts that you had a hysterectomy for severe progesterone sensitivity. I have just had a complete hysterectomy all out for the same thing.  I am now 2 weeks post operation and now on just Oestrogen.  Unfortunately, I am still having mood swings particularly in the evenings.  Could this be because the oestrogen dose needs altering after hysterectomy or do I need Testosterone?  Did you try testosterone for mood?  I do have some stress going on here as my husband is looking after our 3 very young children and working from home as well and is not really suited to both and is finding it difficult and as a result a bit sharp with me and so I get stressed.  Any advice you could give me would be very much appreciated thank you