Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: SarahT on May 04, 2023, 06:24:02 PM
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Hi
Some of you kindly wished me well for my assessment for talking therapy so I thought I would let you know how it went.
I have been struggling with a range of things, mostly a heightened anxiety and in short simply overwhelmed with so much going on, so I have kind of lost control in several aspects in my life. And it is worsening.
So many peri symptoms to work with, like many of you, and a couple of weeks ago it reached the stage where I was just begging my husband to just make it stop, make it all to away. My pms which I have had for all my adult life had worsened with peri. So my anxiety at these times were horrific.
So I saw my g.p who has increased my patch dose to 100, to try to stabilise my natural cycle, with an option of anti anxiety meds to be used as and when rather than every day. And I referred myself for talking therapy.
Upshot I was told my answers showed a medium to severe depression, and severe anxiety. On talking with the assessor, she has referred me for talking
one on one with a therapist as a support, and I want to try to find ways to work through the anxiety attacks, and to better accept all that peri does, and how much it has changed me.
I just want to say thanks for all the support, and for anyone else who suffers so badly with anxiety maybe it may be worth looking at self referral talking therapy on the NHS?
Whilst today I feel a bit down as talking to a professional makes it all so real, how bad anxiety can get, but I am relieved I can get to speak further about this and find ways to help myself get out of these horrible mood swings.
I'll never be the old me, and that's really ok, but I want to be a better new me than I am, right now with all this.
Wish you all well
Xx
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Hello Sarah T.
Thank you so much for the update, I am sure that many ladies will find it helpful.
I assume that the therapy you have been offered is CBT? The NHS are very keen on this treatment and it is well resourced.
Wishing you well and take care.
K.
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Hi Kathleen,
I think it will be less CBT and more (I hope) talking one on one. I have had CBT before and it certainly helped at the time.
Now my anxiety has taken a turn for the worse, and I recognise the cyclical pms\pmdd nature, the assessor feels something a bit more in depth would be more appropriate. They should call in next few days to set up an appt.
She did send me some grounding exercises straight away to try when I feel the anxiety rising. But too mixed up today to try! I hope this therapy, along with my dose increase and the back up plan of anti anxiety tablets will pull me up. It's not all the time, and for me, the instability of having a few good days, only to be knocked back down again is hard to take..you know, the feeling of dread it's going to happen again and again. Feels relentless sometimes.
But, it's a new step, so that's a good thing.
Thanks.
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Good for you, hardest thing to do is ask for help. Talking and cbt therapy can be really helpful. There is an Australian lady m, passed now by Dr Claire weekes. You can vet her on audible or youtube. I listened to her a lot when I'm anxious. I think she has a voice you will either like or not but after years of anxiety o found her no nonsense talks very helpful.
Be really kind to yourself and take hour by hour if you need to x
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Thank you for the update sarahT. I think you are brave to tell your GP how you are feeling and to have been honest in the assessment. I am so pleased they have offered you an in-depth therapy as this sounds ideal for you.
It is natural to feel emotionally drained after being assessed or even after having a therapy session. Thoughts we try to supress are brought to the surface and it can be difficult to have to address them. This will be healthier for you in the long run as it will get to the root of the anxiety and this will help to really tackle it.
You are doing so well in reaching out for support. That is a huge step and something to be proud of.
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Thank you Sarah T.
I am so glad that you have had a positive outcome.
You also inspire me to ask for more from my GP; I think know what to say.
Best wishes to all in this horrid and challenging stage................... sigh!!!
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Ahh hunni this is such a great update to read xx
I am pleased your getting the help you asked for. I too am now inspired to ask my GP for therapy for coping strategies and grounding techniques for the anxiety surges. Please continue to share with us all and to get support xxxxxx
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Thanks ladies,your posts really do mean a lot to me.
Yes, it is difficult having to speak about everything going on, as we all tend to bury a lot of stuff inside us just so we can function each day! So to go through it all at once did seem quite sad and shocking really. But I needed to do it, and whilst it's not going to be good at first, as you say, in the long run it will help.
Emma, thanks, I did check out Claire Weekes, and as I go further down things I will listen more in depth. I just don't want to try too anything all at once.
Definitely worth you ladies speaking with your drs to look into help.
I hope anyone else who feels some form of counselling would help them, do speak with a g.p, or indeed check online, for a self referral to see what may be available in your own areas. I am Herts\Cambs so went via CPFT IAPT. ( it's nhs run, not private)
Thanks all, and Take care
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I was disappointed in Claire Weekes, she never wrote as though she had suffered from acute anxiety :-\.
Do practice the grounding technique so that it becomes automatic when required. :foryou:
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Strange, one of the grounding exercises was one I found in this forum from quite a while back, found it useful and I posted it back on here (with the help of a member far more tech knowledgeable than me!😂) is a 3-2-1 exercise using 3 senses to gently acknowledge and absorb what is around us.
As you say best to keep trying it so I can quickly use it when most needed to calm things down. Everyday anxiety is mostly bearable as I have sorted some techniques and coping methods myself.... But those mad scary crashes I need help to pull myself out of those.
In fact the assessor uses he 3 2 1 herself every day...
As Emma said, Claire Weekes can take some getting used to, but is obviously a help for many. We all see things in our own way and use different methods as to what suits us best at the time I guess.
Wish everyone well
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Oh Sarah I remember your original post and I'm so glad you have been assessed so quickly. I agreed to consider online appoints by video call and I think mine came through quicker in part because of that, I am not sure if that is an option for you.
As an aside, I was wondering if you have tried EFT, aka tapping? You can learn how to do this online and I have found it very good tapping through my extreme anxiety.
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Hi Penguin,
Nice to hear from you. How are things to yourself? Are things a bit stable for you atm?
I Think it was you who suggested to be very honest at the assessment just to ensure I would be taking seriously.. I think my answers to the general questionnaire gave them an idea before even talking with me. I know CBT has helped me in the past, but being referred to
have more one to one talking seems ideal for me, as things have worsened. Am totally ok for video or phone appts.
Since upping the patch to 100, I have seen physical symptoms improve a bit, but anxiety and moods still the same. But early days, need to give the hrt increase a chance to kick in properly, and feel good to know I have options to increase if need be.
Am looking into EFT, am interested in coping methods for when anxiety really hits - am sure others will be checking this too.
Take care Penguin. Thanks xx
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Hi Sarah
Yes it was me who suggested that, am glad it helped.
I'm okay, bit up and down tbh, can't seem to get my estrogel dose right - too much and I get gastro stuff and churning anxiety, too little and my fingers ache and I'm constipated and dry everywhere. Seems to chamge throughout tje month! I think my own cycle is still really strong underneath, which doesn't help with the anxiety as it fluctuates with the cycle. So I'm a work in progress :-\
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Hah! Yes. my own natural cycle just won't give in either, hence after a few improved days, this morning, as per this week every month, the pms \pmdd has risen up remind now in no uncertain terms it's not giving up... So low moods begin again, I can only just hope they won't be as severe as last month. Really scared me. But I know I have options, just gotta ride it and see how much better or worse it gets on this regime.
As you are finding with the gel doses, it's hard to find a stable dose when our own hormones are still so unstable. Just hope once meno
does happen, we may have a better time of it.😍 think we deserve a bit of respite!
Deep breaths, and I just know its bad now but it will get better.
Take care Penguin, chin up girl. Xx
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Oh Girls :'( :-\ - life shouldn't be so hard >:(
Group :hug:
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Group hug gratefully accepted and very much returned as well. 😍
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Gratefully received CLKD!
That's my hope too Sarah, that actually menopause is easier for when I don't have the ups and downs to contend with. Although from seeing posts on here, it does seem that symptoms can still ebb and flow for years.
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I remember how anxiety has ruled me from age 3, sometimes it's almost ruined my Life. With appropriate medication, a loving husband and good GP, I've survived. Sometimes I wonder how :-\. Cutting back on commitments has helped. As did talking therapy, to vent with some1 who couldn't say "that couldn't have possibly happened to you" .....
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I feel the same CLKD and very grateful I have a supportive GP, counsellor and lovely husband, who is so incredibly patient with how much I have changed over the past couple of years. I would love to be how I was a few years ago, I still had minor anxiety (kids, work etc) but nothing on this scale. Still, I do get good times, sometimes lasting a fee weeks at a time and I am SO grateful for them that I enjoy every minute x
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Take time to sniff the roses - 🌹 🌺
I think anxiety when raising children is more adrenaline fuelled so less likely to take over: then hormones kick in : the change : with less of a break and the catasophtirving [??] takes over. Add to that Cortisol which woke me in the early hours >:(
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Ladies seems like we all share similarities.
I am under no illusions that meno will be my happy ever after, just hope it stops the severe cyclical mood swings.
I have accepted I will never be the old me, life continues and we alter with it through good and bad experiences. Am just working towards a better me than I am now.🙄 and I have things in place, my current hrt which I can tweak, anti anxiety meds, if I need, and counselling to be set up. Luckily like yourselves I have a loving supportive husband by my side.
Like you CKLD I have cut back on non essential commitments, am a bit needy in that I have to plan my day as much as I can, only do one thing at a time. Anything that comes up unexpectedly can freak me out. So work to be done.
Mostly I am realistic, but it can feel overwhelmng. So Penguin, I too am work in progress. We'll get there honey. And all the advice and support, and group hugs help us get there too.
Women are bloody amazing.
Xx
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Spontaneous I'm fine - planning freaks me HUGELY ! so I need options. ::) and if others don't like my options, TUFF ;D
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Ha! We certainly differ in that way...
It's all about learning what we need at given times of our lives, and hope the situations can be adapted to for what we need at that time.
Lucky those closest to me know how I am and how I need to cope, (right now anyway, as I hope to slowly improve on this) and try to understand. But, like you....I they don't like it TUFF.
We should have T-shirts printed as a hormonal motto.😂😂😂
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I think that we had a similar thread years ago ;D
I'm hormonal and I know how to use it
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I sort of fall in the middle in terms of planning. I do plan things as it makes me feel safer, but I know now to never plan things I can't get out of if I can't face them when the time comes. I know now that I can't predict how I'm going to feel so I don't even try lol. Have wasted too many trips when I've been so anxious I didn't enjoy them that I'd rather cancel than waste the money. Means I really do appreciate things when I feel well enough to go. Saying that though, I've had some good trips recently and when I'm present I'm really present, and have really enjoyed the kids too. Grateful when it's like that.
Atm I'm trying to get guts up to book my summer hol but I have my follow up colonoscopy in early June (nobody is worried about it but me, as its only 11 months since last one and they only found polyp then) and can't seem to plan further than that 'just in case' you know!!!
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So far I've found thar nobody 'gets it' apart from people in this group!
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It's about empathy. People may sympathise but it ain't the same!
A bit like when someone has a head cold, I know what it feels like but I don't actually feel the symptoms: if that makes sense :-\
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Penguin, I assure you there will always, always be someone on here who gets it.
Like you, I have missed a few trips because on the day it felt too much. So, again, I take the good days for what they are, and enjoy them, as the dips can be so random, you may wake up okay and then... Oh, here it comes again. But I have had some good days lately too. 😁
I look back to how I was say a year ago, and I do think I am improving mostly. But the bad dips are worse, but not as frequent. So that's a plus really.
And I know so much more, especially or actually nearly everything from this forum so I do have a better understanding of what is going on.... Even if I don't like it!😶
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I'm OK if I can get out and not have to justify myself ;-).
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Oh yes. That's a big one.
I have finally learnt its ok to put myself first. That wasn't easy to 'allow ' myself to so. I mean, if I break down in pieces, I'm no good to anyone, my self or anyone around me. It's not about being selfish or self indulgent.
It's essential I get outside each day. Walks are best but if work\commitments don't allow this then at least a walk or potter in the garden.
I've had let go of some of the household stuff, it does get done. Mostly. But I simply cannot manage everything physically, or with the anxiety like I used to.
It may get better, It may not. But being more accepting makes me less anxious, which helps me and also my husband who has watched me tie myself up in knots trying to be the Wonder Woman I was. But there's still a version of me here, very different and seems to change every day, depending on how my hormones decide to treat me. Getting there. Sort of! 😳
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I think part of it is getting to know yourself and what you need to do at any given time to pass through it and feel better. Sometimes I'm better making sure I get out amd do stuff even just a walk or coffee with a friend, and other times I am just so overwhelmed I need to take myself upstairs with a book and kust have quiet time with zero expectations. I'm getting better at knowing but it certainly doesn't help when people think you should just get on with it or so x, y or z. Sometimes you just can't, hey.
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Am with you on this Penguin.
A big part for.me is acceptance, not only of how I have changed with all this, but, like you say, (as far as life let's us) adapting to and reacting to how we feel on each day... And even then it can alter through the day!
And yes please! we would all.love to just get on with it wouldn't we? But unless you are going through similar yourself then it is difficult to understand.
Hence the importance of this forum and each person who is part of it. ( as you have for me too) Whether it be advice, support or just saying 'yeah I get how you feel '
Zero expectations is a fab way of putting it on those days that are just too much. Take care xx
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Am with you on this Penguin.
A big part for.me is acceptance, not only of how I have changed with all this, but, like you say, (as far as life let's us) adapting to and reacting to how we feel on each day... And even then it can alter through the day!
And yes please! we would all.love to just get on with it wouldn't we? But unless you are going through similar yourself then it is difficult to understand.
Hence the importance of this forum and each person who is part of it. ( as you have for me too) Whether it be advice, support or just saying 'yeah I get how you feel '
Zero expectations is a fab way of putting it on those days that are just too much. Take care xx
Wow this is so how I feel SarahT the dips are want makes it all so difficult as in the back of my head I know it will appear and that defo increases my anixety. Xx
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Hello again ladies.
I agree that the dips in mood etc lead to the dips in confidence. It is so hard not knowing how you will feel or if you will be able to cope with a situation.
My trusty Meno book says that mood /emotional problems do resolve just as other meno symptoms do. I am keeping everything crossed that this is correct.
Take care ladies.
K.
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Hi Ladies,
Yeah, it's the inconsistency for me. As you say Kathleen it does make you lose confidence in yourself. Where we are constantly waiting for ' the fall ' because,random as it may be, we know we cover every range of mood several times in a day.
I experience the severe mood swings,and try to keep calm knowing they will pass. But truth is I don't even remember how I really was mood wise before peri!but I am sure I wasn't so up and down every single day.
So. Trying to accept, reminding myself it will pass, enjoy the better days, and wait for a time when things will be less chaotic. I think physically I have improved on a higher dose of estradot so let's hope the moods catch up too.
I fell so supported and I know how much these .posts help us all.
Take care all
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Hello again ladies.
I agree that the dips in mood etc lead to the dips in confidence. It is so hard not knowing how you will feel or if you will be able to cope with a situation.
My trusty Meno book says that mood /emotional problems do resolve just as other meno symptoms do. I am keeping everything crossed that this is correct.
Take care ladies.
K.
Ahh this is reassuring to read Kathleen! Can you message me the book you are reading please thanks
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Hi Ladies,
Yeah, it's the inconsistency for me. As you say Kathleen it does make you lose confidence in yourself. Where we are constantly waiting for ' the fall ' because,random as it may be, we know we cover every range of mood several times in a day.
I experience the severe mood swings,and try to keep calm knowing they will pass. But truth is I don't even remember how I really was mood wise before peri!but I am sure I wasn't so up and down every single day.
So. Trying to accept, reminding myself it will pass, enjoy the better days, and wait for a time when things will be less chaotic. I think physically I have improved on a higher dose of estradot so let's hope the moods catch up too.
I fell so supported and I know how much these .posts help us all.
Take care all
Hey hunni the mood swings oh yes laughing one min, crying the next and just immense anger another part of the day!
Its so exhausting. No wonder our anxiety levels are so high we don't know what to expect at any given time.
I really hope all of this passes soon for us all. My intense burning sessions seemed to have stopped after 10 days of it non stop! So that gives me hope other symptoms like palps, anxiety and moods can also even out. X
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Well despite everything we go through each day, never quite expecting anything Other than the unexpected.... Most days I think we are all doing ok.
It's not right to have these mad mood swings, that can leave us scared and vulnerable. But with knowledge and support we mostly muddle or ways through. Just helps so much to have this forum, and each other when we have questions, or quite simply crash.
Glad the burning is easing for you, that is a positive. You sound quite encouraged today.😍
Also approaching for therapy. As Peanut advised, do tell them on the assessment, exactly how bad it can make you feel and the impact this has on your day to day life.
I wish a good day to all. Xx
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Hi Lovely
I have had a very challenging morning with anxiety and gastric issues and thoughts floating around again but I actually managed to close my mind to most of them! And focus on some positives I could find and one of them was the awful chest/face burning had gone!
Your so right we shouldnt have to suffer like this and with having depression most of my adult life I thought things would now stay stable! But no the bloody menpause. Its here and we have to deal with it but like you have said so many times unless you are going thru it no one truly understands.
Please keep us updated on your therapy and I should receive an assessment shortly and then may have a lengthy wait to see a therapist but at least its a start.
Have a lovely day hunni xxx
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It is so positive the chest pain and burning has gone. Little steps but it all adds up. :)
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Yes Flossie now just need the anxiety and moods under control if possible :)