Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: Dancinggirl on December 15, 2022, 05:17:06 PM
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Hi All
I joined Menopause Matters in September 2013. The relief of finding a site that not only gave me all the information I needed to know but also a forum filled with supportive people was amazing. Of course, not all the advice and feedback was helpful but the intentions were good and as I gained confidence I tried to reciprocate and share my experiences and support to others as best I could.
For many years I devoted a good deal of time and thought to the forum - to a degree it was an outlet, somewhere to vent my frustration - and to gain the 'feel good factor' I craved - trying to help others made me feel valued.
It is so shocking that women are still in the dark over the menopause. Treatments are still far from ideal and it's a minefield that requires perseverance and strength - is it any wonder that so many women still struggle in silence when faced with negative visits with their ill informed GPs.
The anger I felt when I read posts from women who didn't, and still don't, get appropriate support, kept me posting. Having experienced a premature menopause myself, the number of young women coming to this forum having been told by their doctors they just had to 'ride the storm,' - refusing to give them HRT because, 'it's too dangerous' - made my blood boil. I was lucky when I was diagnosed at the age of 37, I had a lady GP who simply told me, 'If you were my daughter I'd insist you take HRT.' When I was in my mid fifties, I had a different GP comment, 'If you stay on HRT you'll be seeing the oncologist (cancer consultant) pretty soon,' - he was till influenced by that misleading and flawed trial that was launched back in 2002. Yes, things are improving but it's patchy. Society is waking up to the often devastating effects the menopause can bring but the road is long.
Around four years ago, I decided to step back from the MM forum - there were many reasons but I could see fresh members joining that were able to contribute in the way that I had endeavoured to do. I had tried to be honest and pragmatic and, crucially, take an holistic approach - not all my posts were well received. Everybody is different and what suits one person, won't suit another. I am not one of those that believe HRT is the panacea for all the menopause ills but I always encouraged women to 'have a go.' I still struggle with urogenital atrophy but manage it fairly well - thank goodness for Vagifem and vaginal moisturisers - I will be using these till my dying day. 6 years after stopping systemic HRT I still get flushes - or more precisely, I'm unable to control my body temperature generally - summer heatwaves are torture. Would I want to go back on HRT? I'd love to, if there was something that didn't give me bad side effects. HRT simply doesn't suit every women and as time goes on; for many, like me, the body becomes more sensitive and less tolerant of a great many things.The benefits must out way the side effects with any treatment.
After at least four years away, a few weeks ago I randomly logged into the MM forum again. I can't tell you why - I simply don't know why. I started to get emails again telling me there were posts on subjects I'd been previously following and a few days ago there was a post from a lady on a 'Subject' I'd started many years ago - 'The Burning Club' - this is all about urogenital atrophy and how to cope with it. A lady was worried about using Vagifem for her vaginal pain. Instantly my fingers started tapping the keys. I didn't get a response from this lady but I did get some lovely posts from others thanking me for the support I'd given all those years ago. Tears were shed - I was so touched to hear that my small contribution had been helpful to others.
Now 66(nearly 67), to a certain degree I've come to terms with the fact that the menopause has blighted my life significantly since I stopped HRT when I was 60. Battling with HRT became too much. The horror of seeing my body deteriorate and my mental capacities decline depresses me - though I do everything I can to prevent this with lifestyle choices - good diet, exercise etc. The worst thing is still the sleep deprivation - I had to abandon the marital bed some years ago to gain some control over my sleep environment. I'm up having a pee several times in the night and constantly shifting around the bed seeking a cool zone. A couple of times a week I take an antihistamine to give me a decent six hours sleep.
When people talk about 'coming out the other side,' I inwardly scream - 'Oh God!!! I wish there was light at the end of this tunnel.' I know I'm one of the unlucky ones when it comes to menopause issues and I'm convinced it is related to our genes - both my mother and grandmother had a premature menopause. All these articles telling us that lifestyle choices can make the menopause easier should be banned - they just make women like me feel inadequate. Having said this, I am very fortunate in many, many ways. I still do a bit of freelance work now and again. My husband adores me and is very tolerant.
Though I did respond to a post earlier this afternoon, I doubt I will be posting anymore. I've started writing novels!!! Something I never thought I'd do. I recommend it - very cathartic, if you draw on your own experiences.
Heather Currie did a wonderful thing starting this site and I'm sure it has been a lifeline for literally thousands of women.
I wish you all well.
Lots of love DancingGirl xxxx :hug:
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It’s been lovely to see you back dancing girl. As I said in another post, I’ve often wondered how you are. I feel better knowing you’re doing ok and wish you all the best. x
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Hey there dancinggirl,so nice to have you back xx
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Your post is so powerful. It is very interesting to hear your experiences.
Congratualtions on writing novels. I wish you all the best with them and your future.🤗
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hi DancingGirl
im a newbie to the site joined in august this year when i started hrt.
i thought id skipped through menopause until about 4 years post meno when everything caught up with me.
this site has been a lifeline and a couple of ladies in particular have helped me enormously.
so i wanted to say thanks to you and all the other ladies who have been on here through the years helping women through a very lonely and frightening period of their lives.
i shall look out for your novels. will DancingGirl be your pseudoymn ? (only joking) x
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U don't need to disappear ;-). I often wonder how you are filling your time.
As for VA - how often are you using treatment? Some require 'vagifem' internally every night as well as 'ovestin' or 'sylc'/'yes' products on the outer labia. It really can be Trial and Error! When I get the need2P I use 'nurofen', 2 capsules 3 times a day until symptoms of the nip as the urine flow shuts off, eases. [clear as mud ::)]
As for Life choices, every day we make choices: some won't be as good as others but we are allowed treats ;). All experiences shared can be read, used or put to one side for later. No need for any1 to feel inadequate.
:foryou: Dancinggirl
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So lovely to hear from you Dancing Girl, you definitely supported me in previous years! I’m very grateful!
Good luck and wishes with your new venture and take care.
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Will U let us know the titles of your books ?
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Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts.
I’m not sure my books will ever get published - maybe they will be a legacy for my kids - I’m just enjoying writing them as they take my brain to a better space - a kind of therapy.
DG xxx
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Lovely to hear from you again Dancinggirl. Your post is very moving and thank you so much for taking the time to connect with us again.
Taz x
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Dancinggirl, your post hit me hard emotionally ... not sure why. But it was really great to read, and to know you're still out there. One of the users I always look out for on posts along with several others, like Hurdity and CLKD. Stalwarts of the forum. Know you are missed and appreciated. (I wrote an unpublishable novel just last year...snap!)
xx Petra
p.s. meant to add that I 100% endorse this from your post: All these articles telling us that lifestyle choices can make the menopause easier should be banned - they just make women like me feel inadequate.
That stuff makes me soooooo angry. And have they even done PROPER studies (double blind, randomised, long term) to prove whether any of that "give up everything that gives you pleasure...coffee, alcohol, chips, blah blah blah" actually works? I doubt it.
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Petra :thankyou:
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Hi Dancinggirl
Nice to hear from you. I like you ‘ scream inwardly’ when people talk about coming out the other side of menopause, oestrogen deficiency is for life. The best we can do is manage symptoms like you do. There is so much ignorance out there, still, and all we can do is advise and hope for the best.
Wishing you well x
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Thank you Perinowpost. Even those who have a relatively easy menopause will suffer in the long term. There are many who come to this forum some years after going through the menopause who develop symptoms that are clearly down to oestrogen deficiency e.g. urogenital atrophy. Girls get educated about puberty but there's nothing taught about the challenges of the menopause. If they want women to work longer and juggle looking after grandchildren and elderly parents, then better support is needed. DG xxxx
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I believe menopause is now on the school curriculum. It's one of the things Diane Danzebrink fought for as part of her Make Menopause Matter campaign.
JP x
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That’s good to hear Joaniepat. I hope they cover all the treatment options and not peddle the idea that a good lifestyle can solve all the problems.
Of course lifestyle is important but it’s not the cure all.
As I said - the road to better outcomes for women going through the meno and beyond is a long one.
DG x