Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Jayjem on November 07, 2022, 05:15:55 PM
-
Hello everyone,
I am new to this so haven't quite worked out the ins and outs of the website yet. Computers are not my thing.
I am going through the perimenopause and the anxiety and stress have got so bad that I have had to take some time off work. I was worrying about everything; the brain fog and poor concentration were affecting my job and my relationship with my lovely daughter who I adore was suffering. I this normal?
As I write this I am so anxious. I only want to see and speak to people who are close to me and definitely no one from work.
Fortunately my DR has been amazing and did not just write me off as depressed, As my mum had breast cancer before giving me HRT she spoke to a menopause specialist, Since Friday I have been on Evorel sequi patches. Very early days yet but I was wondering how long they take to work. The anxiety is the worst.
I am so glad for all the publicity surrounding menopause recently as I must admit I thought I was going crazy and definitely lost me.
Hope you have some advice.
-
Hello Jayjem and welcome to the forum. I am very sorry you have had to take time off work. I can understand that as this can be such a stressful time. Brain fog and poor concentration is very common and we even have light hearted threads on here were we laugh about it.
It is great to hear you have a nice DR and they are talking to a menopause specialist on your behalf. HRT is not a quick fix and it can take time for the symptoms such as anxiety to lift. Hang on in there and do not loose hope. Now you have found a safe place were you can get lots of support. :)
-
Thank you so much. I don't know if my employers will understand and that is something that worries me a lot. Apart from covid last Christmas I never have time off. This has been life changing for me. Sometimes I feel like I am going mad.It is good to know that there are people out there who understand. I am very low at the moment and considering giving up my job because it is all too much. Unfortunately like everyone else I have to find a way to pay the bills though.
Those of you going through the same thing - you are amazing. It isn't easy. I never thought I would struggle so much with it. I have lost me at the moment .
-
Thank you so much. I don't know if my employers will understand and that is something that worries me a lot. Apart from covid last Christmas I never have time off. This has been life changing for me. Sometimes I feel like I am going mad.It is good to know that there are people out there who understand. I am very low at the moment and considering giving up my job because it is all too much. Unfortunately like everyone else I have to find a way to pay the bills though.
Those of you going through the same thing - you are amazing. It isn't easy. I never thought I would struggle so much with it. I have lost me at the moment .
Do you have HR at your work place? If so maybe talking to them would help. I know many companies have been told to be more aware of their workers who are going through menopause.
I can understand you feeling you have lost who you are. I promise you that you are not alone. Keep posting and we will all support you.
-
Thank you. Our HR is complex because she is a friend of my boss. I don't mean they would be unkind - its just difficult! I have been off two weeks now and due to go back in 2 weeks time. I feel marginally and I mean marginally better after having 2 weeks at home but not well enough to start my job again. If the anxiety goes I think I would feel better but am worrying about e everything and have made so many miatakes at work. Ones I wouldn't normally make. I just don't know what to do at the moment I know it will pass but I think I have been going through it years and this is the climax. x
-
Thank you. Our HR is complex because she is a friend of my boss. I don't mean they would be unkind - its just difficult! I have been off two weeks now and due to go back in 2 weeks time. I feel marginally and I mean marginally better after having 2 weeks at home but not well enough to start my job again. If the anxiety goes I think I would feel better but am worrying about e everything and have made so many miatakes at work. Ones I wouldn't normally make. I just don't know what to do at the moment I know it will pass but I think I have been going through it years and this is the climax. x
I can see why you say it is difficult. It is almost like the person will not be totally impartial. If you feel you need some more time then could you ask your DR to write a letter for you saying you need more time off work?
If you have been anxious for a while then I can understand why it has all built up. Anxiety is very distressing. Do you feel some therapy would help with the anxiety?
-
Have got therapy in place as a lot of things have happened to me in my life I appreciate the messages Flossie it helps to know I am not on my own x
-
Have got therapy in place as a lot of things have happened to me in my life I appreciate the messages Flossie it helps to know I am not on my own x
That is such a good idea. I think therapy can be so helpful. I am sorry to hear so much has gone on in your life. Therapy will be something that can help you to process them.
My pleasure. :)
-
I don't think that managers are allowed to ask why a person has time off work? Would they ask a man for example?
It is what it is. If HR ask your GP then he can contact them with your permission.
MayB keeping a mood/symptom/food diary will be helpful.
-
Thank you. I do not feel ready to go back but have had 3 weeks off already. I worry that if I have more time off I will be somehow judged. The DR put stress on my certificate while she tries to get my hormones balanced. It has only been a week since I started on the patches. I am trying to be so positive.
-
Thank you. I do not feel ready to go back but have had 3 weeks off already. I worry that if I have more time off I will be somehow judged. The DR put stress on my certificate while she tries to get my hormones balanced. It has only been a week since I started on the patches. I am trying to be so positive.
Please put your health first. If you do not feel ready to go back to work that is okay. Nobody should judge you for being unwell. You cannot help it.
-
I know this is a silly thing to say but it's the anxiety from the menopause I am struggling with that is making me not feel up to going back. is that a good enough reason when every women goes through it ?
I am so grateful to have you to talk to. I vant concentrate, am anxious, have brain fog and my memory is terrible. x
-
Hi Jayjem, just wanted to pop by and say that I was exactly the same as you a few months ago - shocking memory problems, brain fog, really bad anxiety and PMT had got much much worse.
I’ve been on hrt for around 4 months now and trust me, it may take a while for things to settle down, but they definitely will! Don’t lose hope, don’t pressure yourself to get back to work as that will be making you feel even more anxious. Take your time and think about numero uno :)
I very nearly left my job because I was in such a state. Felt like my brain had been taken over and felt so out of control, but things have improved so much and I almost feel like me again. You will get there! xx
-
I don't think that managers are allowed to ask why a person has time off work? Would they ask a man for example?
It is what it is. If HR ask your GP then he can contact them with your permission.
MayB keeping a mood/symptom/food diary will be helpful.
If you have more than a week off sick almost all employers will expect a sick note. When a GP gives you a sick note they have to put a reason on that. In my experience the GP generally asks what you want them to put but I think some don't.
Jayjem, you're not alone. I had to have six weeks off earlier this year partly due to menopause stuff (but partly not). GP was brilliant. Don't go back if you're not ready.
-
I know this is a silly thing to say but it's the anxiety from the menopause I am struggling with that is making me not feel up to going back. is that a good enough reason when every women goes through it ?
I am so grateful to have you to talk to. I vant concentrate, am anxious, have brain fog and my memory is terrible. x
We are all different. Look at how something like a relationship break down can cause one person to sink into depression and another to feel sad but then okay again. If you compare yourself to others then you are not giving yourself the validation you deserve.
I am not sure if you know if the anxiety is menopause or a combination of that and other things as you mentioned you have been through a lot. Whatever the reason is, you are anxious and you are struggling. I would say that is all that matters right now.
You having brain fog and poor memory is classic menopause and a very frustrating symptom too.
-
Hello everyone,
Thank you all so very much. This is really helping and to know that it is normal feels such a relief. Reading the stories I feel like that anxiety is all part of it and I am not going crazy. That is so reassuring because it really does feel like I am a different person at the moment. The stress of my job is intense as well. Not having the confidence to do things I have do ne automatically before has been upsetting and bursting into tears when things dont go quite right is weird. They can't possibly understand at work because they are younger. We have a very young staff, mostly in their 20's but my boss is in her 40's.
They have left me alone for the last few weeks which I am grateful for. I haven't wanted to see or speak to anyone and have only been out of the house to get medication. When I was last at work I told my manager that the only way I could describe how I felt was that I felt broken.At this point I could have quite happily just walked away from my job. I don;t feel like that now ~feel tired through all the anxiety. I still don't know if I want to be there though but my lovely friend said I am not well enough to make that decision yet. Like everyone I need the money. My husband died many years ago so I am the sole wage earner and don't have family to turn to.
Today I tidied a cupboard which is more me but I am not there yet. I have to make a decision about work next week but for now am trying to focus on today and me. This is not usual for me because I usually spend my time helping others.
I am so sorry to keep droning on as I know you are all in the same position but I feel that this forum is one of the few places I cn talk about how I feel and not be judged.
-
I am so sorry you lost your husband. My heart goes out to you.🤗
Your friend is right. You are not well enough to make any decisions just yet. Sorting out the cupboard is brilliant! I bet you feel pleased it is nice and organised now.
I think taking each day as it comes is the best way. You need to be kind to yourself.
Please do not apologise and you are not going on. We are here to support you.
-
So got up this morning and feeling more like me. I can't say I am ready to rush back to work but I can actually think and I don't feel so sad. I don't know if it is psychosomatic or whether the Everel is working but I will take it. One day at a time I guess.
People do not realise the journey that women go through. I remember a menopause nurse saying to me many years ago women were given Vallium to try to combat these symptoms. Looking back one of which may have been my mum. I am so thankful that we know more now and it breaks my heart to think so many suffered in silence.
Thank you to everyone who has replied or simple read my posts. I don't know where I would be if I couldn't talk about it.
-
I am so happy today is a better day for you. :)
That is so true. Thing of how many women were put in aslyums for menopausal symptoms. :o
-
Yes she mentioned the asylums as well but the thought of it was too upsetting to type. I wish that there was more we could do to raise awareness. Davina Mccall has been amazing and her book is brilliant. Lots of tips and advice.
-
I can understand that. It is so positive people are more aware now.
-
Jay- so glad you are feeling a bit better ...its horrible all this...and I'm so sorry to hear about your husband,.
I'm no expert here on this site, but all I can say is the ladies here are so knowledgeable....please keep posting and lots of love,
Vicky xxxx
-
Tis site has been a god send for me and everyone is so knowledgeable. I seem to be bumbling through it. I think I have been perimenopausal for quite a few years but not realised it. It took its toll recently. I think i had convinced myself I was just generally struggling.
-
Tis site has been a god send for me and everyone is so knowledgeable. I seem to be bumbling through it. I think I have been perimenopausal for quite a few years but not realised it. It took its toll recently. I think i had convinced myself I was just generally struggling.
You are not alone there. I had never heard of perimenopause before finding this forum. I had no idea what vaginal atrophy was and realised I had been suffering with it for a few years. I thought menopause meant a few hot flushes and feeling grumpy which would soon pass. That is what I saw watching TV programmes and were I based all my knowledge on!
-
Its amazing how little we all have known as it is something that s not talked about or hasnt been in the past. I a making sure my daughter has all the information she needs now even though I hope that it will be many years before she needs it.
Talking about it is so important and I am finding out more from reading posts on this every day. I must admit the Everel conti bits have scared me a little because I have to start using those patches next fri for 2 weeks. Sounds like they come with a variety of side affects that are not pleasant.
Flossie you are a god send too as I think you were the first person to contact me and have been there since I set up the membership. Thank you x
-
Its amazing how little we all have known as it is something that s not talked about or hasnt been in the past. I a making sure my daughter has all the information she needs now even though I hope that it will be many years before she needs it.
Talking about it is so important and I am finding out more from reading posts on this every day. I must admit the Everel conti bits have scared me a little because I have to start using those patches next fri for 2 weeks. Sounds like they come with a variety of side affects that are not pleasant.
Flossie you are a god send too as I think you were the first person to contact me and have been there since I set up the membership. Thank you x
I think it is lovely you are going to teach your daughter all about menopause and what to expect. It will make it much easier for her when the time comes.
Although some do not like Evorel Conti, other members do like it and if you did not get on with it there are many other options you can try. Please do not worry about that. Do not forget, people are more likely to post when they are struggling and this does not mean members are not using this happily.
My pleasure. :)
-
Thanks Flossie. I will remember that. It is a very good point and one I had not thought of. I am really hoping all will go well so I can get back to being me. I don;t like the person that I am at the moment. I do not recognise the person that looks back at me in the mirror; if that makes sense.
-
Thanks Flossie. I will remember that. It is a very good point and one I had not thought of. I am really hoping all will go well so I can get back to being me. I don;t like the person that I am at the moment. I do not recognise the person that looks back at me in the mirror; if that makes sense.
I think the person in the mirror could do with some kindness. It is not her fault she is feeling the way she does and from the posts on here she sounds warm and caring.
-
Bless you Flossie x
-
I will try and be a little kinder but the anxiety about going back keeps enveloping me. I can not be thinking about anything in particular but it will pop into my mind and I get an extremely anxious feeling wash over me and my heart starts to race. Anyone else get this?
-
When something is overwhelming, it is understandable to feel anxious at the thought of it. You mentioned work colleagues have sent kind messages. I would say that means they are supportive.
You need time to recover and just allow yourself the chance to heal and just be. I have found taking one day at a time the most helpful. You just need to get through tonight. A good nights sleep is what you need right now.
-
Thank you Flossie. I didn't have a good nights sleep last night. I had a couple of panic attacks and some very weird dreams. Is this common?
-
Thank you Flossie. I didn't have a good nights sleep last night. I had a couple of panic attacks and some very weird dreams. Is this common?
Oh no! How are you feeling now? I would say that panic attacks are due to your anxiety about going back to work. I have such weird and vivid dreams nightly now. They are horrible and distressing. I am sorry you had such a bad night.
-
Flossie I think you are right. I really do not know what to do about it. I do not like this feeling though. I am sorry you have such vivid dreams. It seems to be one thing after another doesn't it. My mind is whirring and I cant switch off today. I am very tired and do not have any energy. I hate this feeling. I cannot make a decision to save my life either which is extremely annoying. All I want to do is sleep or watch TV which is not good for you. I feel a little down and just want to be me again tbh. However when I read some of the posts on here and when I think of what is going on in the world I do feel guilty for feeling that way. Today I just want to find me.
-
Hello ladies
Have any of you struggling with anxiety thought of trying magnesium triple blend capsels I swear by them and take two each day they certainly help with anxiety and sleep although they normally take a couple of months to work for that.
Have a read up on magnesium and menopause you will be surprised at the importance of this mineral at this time not our lives.
-
Hi Smokey. Thank you for the suggestion. I will do some research. I am glad it is helping you.
-
Just done a bit of research and I think I will give the magnesium a try. Is it ok to take it with HRT? Anything to help me feel less anxious. I now have to be brave enough to leave the house to get it.
-
Flossie I think you are right. I really do not know what to do about it. I do not like this feeling though. I am sorry you have such vivid dreams. It seems to be one thing after another doesn't it. My mind is whirring and I cant switch off today. I am very tired and do not have any energy. I hate this feeling. I cannot make a decision to save my life either which is extremely annoying. All I want to do is sleep or watch TV which is not good for you. I feel a little down and just want to be me again tbh. However when I read some of the posts on here and when I think of what is going on in the world I do feel guilty for feeling that way. Today I just want to find me.
Anxiety is anxiety. Whatever the cause, if somebody feels so anxious it is affecting their life then it is unfair to think others 'have it worse'. There is a lot of guilt around mental health were people think they are more fortunate then another person may be and then feel guilty. This does not change how they feel though so it is not a fair comparison.
You mentioned you are thinking of therapy. What is happening with that? I would say that is something that would help you such a lot. You have not been on HRT for very long and in time the fatigue should improve with this.
When anxious it really is so hard to make any decision or even think straight. Allow yourself the time to just be and not have to make any decisions just yet.
If you want to just watch TV then I do not see any harm in that. You could have some me time. I believe we just need to get through a difficult time and if it is something that is not harmful then I would do that.
It is fine to take magnesium with HRT. You can always order it online to save going out too.
-
My boss has just messaged me. She said she wanted me to know she is thinking of me and asked how i am. I really dont know what to say.
-
Hello,
I’m a little late to this I’m afraid but I just wanted to say I’m sorry that you are struggling, I’ve been where you are 100% and it can and will improve for you. It sounds like anxiety is the worst symptom for you right now? I have had mental health problems all my life but was ok on my tablets until peri started to rear it’s head about 3 years ago. I’ve had to start HRT, have a course of CBT and change antidepressant to get any sort of a handle on it.
Even so I still have days where I suffer from anxiety symptoms due to hormones but I’m much more able to cope with them now.
Please stay with the forum if it helps, lots of people are struggling and we can all try to support each other x
-
My boss has just messaged me. She said she wanted me to know she is thinking of me and asked how i am. I really dont know what to say.
You do not have to respond. If you do not feel up to replying then that is okay.
-
Thank you for sharing VanillaLover. Yes the anxiety is really bad at the moment. Having an attack and trying to breathe through it at the moment. I know I am being illogical but I cant seem to help it. I can't wait till i feel like being me again.
-
Hi jayjem, I really feel that you could do with a rest, it seems like your body and mind are crying out for a rest. If you can just stay off work until you feel better, allow yourself the time to rest and heal and not feel guilty, really take care of you I think you will be alright. You can order magnesium online and have it delivered. I take remag from botanica health and it’s honestly fantastic for anxiety so it’s the betteryou spray from Holland and Barrett. I felt so much better after a few sprays of it honestly. It sounds like your colleagues are supportive. so in the short term I suggest rest, self care and magnesium and in the longer term, therapy. Have you got someone at home to support you? X
-
Thank you Katherine. Yes I do have people around me at home so I am ok there. I am exhausted and whether that be menopausal or life or a combination of the two I dont know. My body does need the rest I think you are right but I am worried that having 7 weeks off work will cause problems. I am finding it so hard to make a decision.
-
What if going to work causes health problems? Then you may need to take more time off work.
I imagine the message from your boss made you feel pressure too.
-
Hi Jayjem, its up to you, but one thing I have learned the hard way is not to ignore what your body and mind are telling you because in my case it has always lead to things getting worse. If you listen to what your body is telling you and give yourself time to rest and find solutions you can then return to work and things will improve.
-
Its amazing how little we all have known as it is something that s not talked about or hasnt been in the past. I a making sure my daughter has all the information she needs now even though I hope that it will be many years before she needs it.
Talking about it is so important and I am finding out more from reading posts on this every day. I must admit the Everel conti bits have scared me a little because I have to start using those patches next fri for 2 weeks. Sounds like they come with a variety of side affects that are not pleasant.
Flossie you are a god send too as I think you were the first person to contact me and have been there since I set up the membership. Thank you x
Hi Jayjem. I think I might be a week ahead of you with the patches. I’m on my first month of Evorel Sequi and put the first conti patch on a few days ago (due to put my second one on today). Like you, I was apprehensive and a little nervous about the conti part. I won’t lie….the day after I put my first conti patch on, I was incredibly down. I’d had a fairly good couple of weeks prior whilst on the 50 patch, so started panicking, thinking about all the negative reactions to the progesterone part that I’d read about on here. Well here is the good news……yesterday I felt much better than I did on Sunday. And today I feel even better than I did yesterday :D. I really think it’s going to be trial and error. Like, one size doesn’t fit all, and tweaking may be needed. But all we can do is take one day at a time.
Oh and please don’t feel bad about being off work. I was off for four months. I’ve actually only very recently gone back to work. It’s proving a struggle, but I can do this. And you can too :).
-
Thank you Doodle. That is so good to here. I am glad that you are feeling better and the sequi patches are working for you. I hope that you continue to improve. It is also reassuring to hear that people have needed time off work whilst going through this. I cant believe the impact it has on our lives. Was your employer supportive? I am lacking motivation at the moment. I think that is down to the anxiety. All I want to do is curl up under a duvet and as everyone knows it isnt always possible.
-
Thank you Doodle. That is so good to here. I am glad that you are feeling better and the sequi patches are working for you. I hope that you continue to improve. It is also reassuring to hear that people have needed time off work whilst going through this. I cant believe the impact it has on our lives. Was your employer supportive? I am lacking motivation at the moment. I think that is down to the anxiety. All I want to do is curl up under a duvet and as everyone knows it isnt always possible.
I was completely oblivious to all things menopause/perimenopause. I naively thought, like so many, that you have a few hot flushes, your periods stop. The end. I had no idea that my plethora of health problems were all potentially hormone related. I didn’t think I’d need to be dealing with anything like this for many years. When I finally did realise, it was like an epiphany. Watching Davina McCalls programs (on the advice of a friend, who could obviously see what my problems were being caused by) had me in floods of tears. Relief really more than anything. I could relate so much. I couldn’t believe it.
My employer has been very supportive. You really don’t need to tell them anything though, if you don’t want to. That is entirely your choice.
Oh and I stayed curled up under the duvet for 4 months. I was convinced I was dying. Seriously. So be kind to yourself. Take the time that you need. It’s going to be rough. We’re going to have ups and downs. But we’re tough, and we’ll get through :)
-
Same here. I never expected for a drop in my hormones to have such a massive effect on my body and mind. I thought, its natural, so it will be ok, I'll cope, I won't have HRT, etc. My mother never had any symptoms, I thought I'll be the same or they'll be mild. And I'm still having regular periods so I'm not even into the worst of it probably.
If anything we need to give ourselves a pat on the back, for battling on, we are on here, trying our best. I have had to have a significant amount of time off work in the past too, and if you need it, you need it, you have to look after yourself. xxx
-
Doodle and Katherine I agree with everything you said. I thought a few hot flushes and no periods. I didn't expect to have all the other things to deal with. It has surprised me how it has all taken over. It has been like a wave. I am so grateful for all these stories as it makes me feel normal at a time when I feel I am not being me.
-
I’m so glad we’ve helped you feel better :) x