Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Postmenopause => Topic started by: KarineT on October 31, 2022, 09:01:21 PM
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Hello,
I've read the statement 'being on the other side'.
What do you understand by being on the other side? Does this refer to someone who has reached the menopause and has no more symptoms or less of them? Is there really such a thing?
Thanks
Karine
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I have never heard of this before. Where did you read it? Even people who are post menopause have symptoms so I cannot think what that means. :o
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"Being on the other side" means that your symptoms are gone, and "the menopause" is over. For most women, this happens in the post-menopausal stage. After the five most difficult years of my life, I am finally "reaching the other side", which means that all of my symptoms (and I had dozens of them) are disappearing. I'm feeling more confident and in control of my life. I'm 54, and my last period was on July 1st, so this might be it for me!
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I don't know anyone whose symptoms totally disappeared but I'm really pleased for you Bevey. Why do you think this is it when you have only gone three months without a period of you don't mind me asking? Fingers crossed you are right though. My symptoms disappeared each time my body was gearing up for a period - sometimes 6 or 7 months after the last one. It was very frustrating but this forum kept me going
Taz x
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Taz, it's hard to know with hormones. Since I'm 54, I think there's a high likelihood that my hormones are finally settling. I haven't had a period for over four cycles now. Generally speaking, when the hormones start to flatline, the symptoms do, as well. For me, I think that the main issue was high estrogen relative to progesterone, and it was the imbalance between these hormones that caused so many of the physical and mental symptoms. I'm so glad that I toughed it out, but to get here, I went through HELL, and that's not an exaggeration!
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I'm so glad you are feeling better and fingers crossed for you that you've seen the last of your periods I was 53 when I began having missed cycles. It's so frustrating when periods begin again after missing many cycles. It's interesting how we are all so different in our hormonal journeys. It's great to be able to share our experiences on here.
Taz x
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Hello ladies.
I thought that reaching the other side meant that our bodies had adapted to the lower hormonal levels and we could feel settled both physically and emotionally. Now I am not so sure.
Personally I seem to be stuck with emotional turmoil and other ladies report ongoing problems such as VA.
I still hope however that things do get better and our bodies find a new normal.
Bevey - I had my last period at fifty four so you may be finished but in all honesty it is too early to tell. I wish you well though and please keep us updated on your progress.
Take care everyone.
K.
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Hi All,
Thanks for your replies to my post.
I read somewhere this thing about being through the other side with the menopause but I can't recall where.
We can't really say that the menopause is over because it's irreversible but I was thinking in terms of symptoms. I think being through the other side is probably relating to symptoms that subside eventually.
Bevie, are you saying that you haven't had a period for 4 months? If so, you're not postmeno yet. You have to have missed 12 consecutive periods to be postmeno. For my part, January next year will mark three years without a period. I'm still struggling emotionally from time to time. It looks like things haven't settled yet for me. I must admit, I used to struggle with this during my reproductive years. I think this is combined with a terrible childhood.
There are times when I feel so anxious, alone and vulnerable in my head. This is not an easy one.
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Hi All,
Thanks for your replies to my post.
I read somewhere this thing about being through the other side with the menopause but I can't recall where.
We can't really say that the menopause is over because it's irreversible but I was thinking in terms of symptoms. I think being through the other side is probably relating to symptoms that subside eventually.
Bevie, are saying that you haven't had a period for 4 months? If so, you're not postmeno yet. You have to have missed 12 consecutive periods to be postmeno. For my part, January next year will mark three years without a period. I'm still struggling emotionally from time to time. It looks like things haven't settled yet for me. I must admit, I used to struggle with this during my reproductive years. I think this is combined with a terrible childhood.
There are times when I feel so anxious, alone and vulnerable in my head. This is not an easy one.
I am so sorry you struggle with such feelings. I think for many people such feelings may not even be meno related but as you say, something that stems from childhood. It is very difficult when feeling alone. It is almost like no matter what happens the lost and lonely child is trapped inside.
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It's a tough one and at times I can't figure out if it's meno or childhood trauma related. I am currently doing some cbt but at times I end up thinking whether this is the right therapy or not. Someone on here mentioned that cbt is not working but everyone is different.
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Yes, I understand that I'm not post-menopause yet, but I feel as though the physical and emotional symptoms have decreased immensely! All of 2022 has generally been a good year for me, so I am moving in the right direction:)
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I always say ‘everybody’s body is different’. We all react differently to any changes/illnesses etc. l thought l’d sailed through meno, but after a while (can’t remember how long) l developed terrible anxiety, particularly health, and other aches and pains and weird symptoms that come and go. 10 years on and l’ve learned to accept and live with these things. This forum has been a lifeline.
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It's a tough one and at times I can't figure out if it's meno or childhood trauma related. I am currently doing some cbt but at times I end up thinking whether this is the right therapy or not. Someone on here mentioned that cbt is not working but everyone is different.
I think CBT can help with strategies and methods but I personally would not recommend it for anything deeper. The therapy I found the most helpful was CAT. I know we are all different and need to find a therapy that works well for us.
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I always say ‘everybody’s body is different’. We all react differently to any changes/illnesses etc. l thought l’d sailed through meno, but after a while (can’t remember how long) l developed terrible anxiety, particularly health, and other aches and pains and weird symptoms that come and go. 10 years on and l’ve learned to accept and live with these things. This forum has been a lifeline.
That is a very positive way of thinking Marge. :)
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My understanding of being on “ the other side” is that you are pretty much symptom free and adjusting to the new normal. It’s a tricky one I think, as I’m convinced that traumatic/negative experiences in life, can also exacerbate the menopause to a greater or lesser degree.
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Traumatic/negative experience is unfortunate and, as Naz mentioned, it can definitely be exacerbated by the menopause & falling oestrogen.
At times I wonder if the menopause can be the only reason for emotional turmoil in women who were brought in a nice & caring environment.
Unlike with physical illness, you can't have a scan which is capable of determining whether you have an emotional issue due to the menopause or because of negative experience.
This is because our psyche is not tangible & therapists can only rely on what we are telling them.
.
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I also thought I will get to the other side naturally but sadly hot flushes were horrendous even 2 years after the last period. Now on HRT.
But just to add to the treatment discussion, I agree with Flossieteacake, maybe CBT is not the best treatment, counselling would be better as you would have a chance to talk about your past experience and work through it. I know many ladies find that HRT helps with mental health issues but I think that it is usually not sufficient. When we get older we gain more insight and become more aware of who we really are. We might have been functioning in the past but now we can really feel that something is blocking us from being whole, and these are usually past traumas. It's really good to get insight and counselling can help. Also we need to be kind to ourselves, listen to our bodies and nurture.
Unfortunately there is so much going on in the world around us, it's so sad to see the increase in anxiety and depression overall, and in children. I don't think we can assume that oestrogen can be a magic pill, but possibly, if we take more care about our wellbeing we might be able to make difference. Since I started meditating, stopped drinking alcohol, had counselling etc. I found some peace and I became a better person for those around me, so maybe that is a start.
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I also thought I will get to the other side naturally but sadly hot flushes were horrendous even 2 years after the last period. Now on HRT.
But just to add to the treatment discussion, I agree with Flossieteacake, maybe CBT is not the best treatment, counselling would be better as you would have a chance to talk about your past experience and work through it. I know many ladies find that HRT helps with mental health issues but I think that it is usually not sufficient. When we get older we gain more insight and become more aware of who we really are. We might have been functioning in the past but now we can really feel that something is blocking us from being whole, and these are usually past traumas. It's really good to get insight and counselling can help. Also we need to be kind to ourselves, listen to our bodies and nurture.
Unfortunately there is so much going on in the world around us, it's so sad to see the increase in anxiety and depression overall, and in children. I don't think we can assume that oestrogen can be a magic pill, but possibly, if we take more care about our wellbeing we might be able to make difference. Since I started meditating, stopped drinking alcohol, had counselling etc. I found some peace and I became a better person for those around me, so maybe that is a start.
You make such good points. I am happy to hear you are feeling more at peace now.
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Hello again ladies.
I have said before that when my GP mentioned the possibility of the menopause to me when I was 48 I had no idea what he was talking about. I then bought a book on the subject and went online to educate and prepare myself. I read about all the physical and emotional symptoms and I hadn't experienced any of them. Certainly I have had anxieties in the past and difficult times to deal with but so have most people.
Needless to say my menopause journey began eventually and I had my last period at age 54. A few years later the symptoms really ramped up and at 57 I started HRT.
I am 66 now and still trying to sort out what I hope is the last of my symptoms.
When I look back I realise that most of the my present difficulties have been due to the menopause. I think that losing hormonal stability compounds any other problems and I hope that a symptom free future is possible for us all.
Wishing you all well ladies.
K.
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for me the 'other side' would be when your emotional issues settle down and you can think clearly again. I accept that physical changes may remain but I sincerely hope I can get my emotions and my head clear when it all settles.
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ange63, I agree with you totally. I do hope that the emotional roller coster is temporary as it's the most horrible menoppausal issue. I'm sure hot flushes can be horrendous but I believe they can be alleviated more easily than psychological problems. Anything psychological is bloody hard to treat.
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I suppose some women go through the menopause and find their symptoms completely stop after a few years. That would be defined as being the other side of the menopause.
For me personally, there is no other side and there never will be. Don't panic, I'm probably an extremely rare case but I will never be able to stop using HRT and I'm fine with that.
I have never had hot flushes or night sweats but I did have uncontrollable day time sweating. I also started having silent migraines once menopausal and I managed to control them with hormones until recently but now I need hormones and amitripytline to control them. This is due to low levels of serotonin which cause cortical spreading depression ie migraine aura. Perhaps low levels of serotonin might explain some of the symptoms of anxiety and depression some women experience during the menopause?
I have completely stopped using HRT from time to time to get a baseline hormone blood test and each time I have felt myself slipping away and I have felt very creaky so it's not for me despite being 61 and many years post menopause.
Katrine, why don't you give HRT a try? You have nothing to lose by trying it.
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Just thought I would add this to my previous post. It goes some way to explain the link between oestrogen, low serotonin levels, migraines, depression and anxiety.
The reason I can never stop using HRT is because I rely on oestrogen for serotonin levels plus I now need the TCA to stop the serotonin reuptake thus making more available for the brain. This in turn helps to prevent migraines.
https://www.webmd.com/women/guide/estrogen-and-womens-emotions#1