Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Other Health Discussion => Topic started by: JoJo42 on June 29, 2022, 12:34:29 PM
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I’m suffering with out of control anxiety.
I don’t think it’s just meno-related, although I suppose it partly could be related to the way all the meno/health issues have happened out of the blue - the worry of symptoms, having to learn about it all and then adapt to/learn to live with different things. Like, for instance, the V.A - not knowing what it was at first, all the worry about it, the pain, then starting the treatment and then learning how to cope with it, and then later - finding out about “flare-ups” and having to research and learn and work out what to do. Exhausting.
Anyway, I think the anxiety is probably more related to family issues - unexpected deaths in the family and then issues with my abusive mother. Anyway, all of this has probably contributed to the anxiety issue and I find myself every day taking another ridiculous, small worry and driving it in my head all the way to catastrophe! It runs away with me and I don’t know how to reel it back in. I don’t want to see the doctor as that sends my anxiety supersonic anyway as I know of I go the GP they’ll probably start trying to stop my hrt as that has happened before and I’m exhausted and basically can't be arsed with all their malarkey.
Anyone got any tips? JJ xxx
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It sounds like you have such a lot going on Jo Jo. I know how overwhelming anxiety can be. Would you ever consider therapy? Some people really benefit from talking things through or learning different techniques to deal with anxiety.
If you wanted to try Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, you can find free courses online.
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Thanks for your reply Flossieteacake. I just googled free cbt and didn’t realise it was possible to do an NHS online, self-referral for therapy without going through the GP! I never knew that was possible. I think that would be perfect dor me and my situation I think. I’m going to have another read and fill the form in online.
Thanks so much for the advice xx
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You are so welcome. :)
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Hi JoJo
Sorry to hear you are suffering from anxiety, it is a symptom that I have had for years even on HRT.
I self referred on the NHS and I was signed up for the silver cloud online therapy. Italk is another self referral online therapy you can have a look at. Calm app is a good app but you do have to pay. I find walking in the morning helps, a couple of years ago I got my pupper, without him I would stay in bed and ruminate and not want to face the world, he is what makes me get up and out, apart from my job. I know a dog is not the answer for everyone obviously and I still get bad days. Mine stems from a abusive mother but I have a loving family now and have to remind myself it is not my fault she was like that with me. Sending warm hugs.xxx
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Thanks so much for your reply and advice QueenofReds3, I’ve just signed up for the Silver Cloud therapy. I walk every morning too - with my lovely pupper. I thinks it’s the only time I do feel calm. We go to a park and stop coffee at the cafe there. Like you, I think she helps to get me out of bed and keep me going. I think I need to be more like her - she had a big op a month ago, but soon bounced back into living in the moment. Sorry you had issues too with an abusive mother. It’s very hard to come to terms with. I don’t have any contact with her now, but every so often one of her “flying monkeys” will try to contact me. It’s all very weird. Lovely to hear that you have a loving family now xxx
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Anxiety can be caused by many issues. In the 1990s I was prescribed 'valium' 5mg 3 times a day for a month. When I needed to be admitted for my own safety, I was told to take more 'valium'. Eventually I took it the evening B4 an event that I was unable to avoid, knowing that I could take another 5mg the next day which I never required.
I've found rescue remedy mouth spray helpful, as does relaxation therapy. I have tapes - remember those ? ::)
My GP prescribed an emergency as necessary med., otherwise I am in a corner curled up wishing that I was dead :'(. It works, either knocks me right out or sedates me enough to enable me to relax.
Walking can certainly help as can swimming.
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Thanks for the reply CLKD. I forgot all about rescue remedy!! I’ve used that in the past and will get some tomorrow. That’s a great idea. I want to avoid valium if I can, but will have to see how it goes.
Tapes! Hehe! I do remember them…winding them with a pencil! I’ll have a look on my ipad for some relaxation apps. Everything always points back to breathing and being aware if breath, but it’s something I always, always forget when I’m in the grip of a spiralling anxiety.
Thanks for the tips xxx
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I was advised to practice with the tapes so that the body was ready for the 'fight/flight' when anxiety rose. Yeah. Right, not ::)
It was finding time to listen to the tapes, once I had sat down and :cat88: was on my lap, we slept.
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Hi JoJo42
I'm sorry to hear you are suffering and as a fellow anxiety sufferer, I really feel for you.
My anxiety almost took over at the back end of last year/beginning of this. I don't recall ever feeling as bad. I couldn't get face to face counselling on the NHS for a long time and didn't feel I could wait so I started looking at other options.
I discovered Claire Weekes and listened to some of her YouTube vidoes - she is dead now sadly but a lot of what she said and wrote (she also wrote books) resonated with me. I am also reading a book by Drew Linsalata called The Anxious Truth - that, his podcasts (not that I've listened to them all) and to some extent his Facebook page have helped me. And despite never getting on with meditation, I found the Balance app (which might still be free for a year) so good that I paid for lifetime membership.
I've suffered with anxiety, OCD and health anxiety since I was a child and had almost given up - I still have really bad days but the Claire Weekes/Drew Linsalata methods are helping me. Of course everyone is different but I thought I'd offer my tips.
Lynda x
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Thank you so much for your reply Lynda07 and your advice. I’ll have a look at all those sources you mention. I feel like anxiety is taking over. I’ve also developed what I think might be kind of OCD related issues. I have M.E/chronic fatigue and a while ago I was so exhausted I turned the tap on left it running and flooded the kitchen when the bowl overflowed - it was so bad it tripped the electricity out in the house. I have also left the gas ring on on the cooker! This unnerved me so much I started checking things constantly and then checking and rechecking because I got to the point where I didn’t trust the checks I was making. It takes me ages to get out of the house now. I’m not sure if this is a type of ocd.
Thanks for the tips xx
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WHOOOOA - yep, OCD can present itself as you experience. When stressed I tend to wash hands more often. Now that I am aware of what triggers that, I make a list of when I should wash hands and tick off - as well as noting how often I go to the tap when it isn't necessary.
MayB you could do that beside the cooker, sink etc.. It might take a few days for the habit to form, i.e. checking that you have switched off taps by ticking the sheet by the sink. ?? worth a try ??
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definitely worth a try CLKD. Thanks for the idea. I think I’ve lost control of the M.E as well so the fatigue is worse than ever because I’ve been pushing myself and trying to do too much and I’ve hit a wall. I think fatigue feeds everything else and ramps up the anxiety. I think I’m going to have a few days at home, taking it easy and pacing myself better. xxx
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You’ve received lots of great advice already, for me therapy was essential and lots offer online video sessions so after the NHS CBT you could find a therapist in an area that’s cheaper- mine is £35 an hour which is good.
I also like this YouTube channel a lot:
https://youtu.be/MK0rESk_oW0
Best of luck.
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Thanks so much ATB. This forum has helped me so much through the years with advice. Thanks for your input - really appreciate it. It’s great to know what other people do to help. I’ll have a look at the link now. xxx
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You’re welcome, anxiety has been a long and difficult journey for me so I totally empathise and happy to share tips. I developed OCD responses to my anxiety and didn’t even realise until therapy so it’s helped slowly but surely to stop some of that. It’s a trust thing for me. I can’t trust myself because my mind has let me down. So I check things over and over and over, in case I forget or mess up as I do when I’m anxious. It can really overtake your mind so important to address ASAP. I also avoid things that cause anxiety, as is normal, but this does make it worse. Therapy helps me slowly confront rather than avoid. Avoidance feeds anxiety. It’s a coping mechanism and short-term is ok but makes it worse in the end. Small steps though.
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JoJo42 - Tour de France begins today from Copenhagen :-\ so get those feet up, turn on TV and watch. Even if you don't like cycling, the French scenery from the helicopter is Fab., like going on holiday without requiring a Passport ;-).
Avoidance helps me cope. Spontaneous me: we are 'out' this evening and already I can feel my anxiety levels rising >:(. It involves food and talking to others :-X
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Are you on HRT? My anxiety was purely down to oestrogen deficiency, 3 months on HRT and it went completely. Of course there are many other causes of anxiety but oestrogen deficiency is a relatively easy one to cure or eliminate.
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Hi again JoJo42
That does sound like a form of OCD, checking is one of my "things" with OCD, and it can be exhausting because as you say, you don't trust the checks you have made. Mine gets worse the more anxious I get. There are days I don't check anything - and am aware that I'm not checking an dmore than happy with that- and days where I check and check. CLKD's suggestion is good, I was also told during counselling to tell myself I had checked - e.g. lock door, check door, say "the door is locked" and move on - but it's not that easy some days. It has been a lifelong issue for me and looking back I can see my dad had it too.
My husband suffers from ME/CFS so again, I feel for you. x
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It isn't easy to tell myself that I 'have done X, Y, Z', it's less stressful to go and check. Hence the list. It's what works for each 1 of us!
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I completely sympathise with what you experienced. I used to have bad OCD. I have managed this in recent years to avoid checking everything like the doors windows but now and again if my anxiety rises I start doing it. One of the things I used to do was madness, I would check that all plugs did not have the plug in them at night by putting my fingers in the holes. It used to drive my husband to despair but he helped me stop this. I think it started as a child. Our boiler tank thermostat failed and it was about to blow up the house with the pressure from the heat, we had to run out of the house in our night wear in the middle of the night whilst my parents turned every tap on to relieve the pressure, it cracked all the ceramic in the sinks etc. I think it scarred me for life. It is exhausting though.
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Certainly such issues can cause lasting fears. WOOOOW that was something!
I put my fingers between a plug and the socket :o . I was planning on doing some ironing ..........
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Thanks, CLKD xx I went to bed in the end . I try not to if I can, but the M.E has flared up and I just had to go and curl up for a couple of hours. I was going to watch the tv but fell fast asleep - woke myself up a couple of times - snoring! I was convinced all these years I wasn’t a snorer. Hehe!
Hi Sheila99, yes, I’m on evorel sequi. Have been on hrt for the last ten years so I think the anxiety is related maybe to chronic fatigue and also family issues.
Hi Lynda07, yes it’s exhausting isn’t it. Sorry to hear your hubby has M.E. I’m in the grip of a flare up at the moment. Sending love xx
Hi QueenofReds3, I check plugs too by counting the holes! I totally understand where you’re coming from. I also pass my hand back and forth under the tap berore i go out to make sure the water’s off. I also take my ipad cable out with me to make sure it’s not plugged in My gosh! That incident with the boiler tank! Very scary for your family and you as a child. My husband despairs of me. I used to try and hide/make excuses for what I was doing, but now I’m just totally out in the open. I think mine stemmed from health issues cropping up out of the blue all the time, unexpected deaths in the family and an unexpected issue with my abusive mother - all lead me to believing that bad things happen suddenly and without warning. It may have been simmering under the surface childhood too as my childhood was very chaotic and violent. I feel like I’m walking on a railway track and feeling the rumble of the oncoming train. xx
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Nowt wrong with an afternoon siesta ;) when DH is fishing I often sleep all day in the camper 8)
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I sleep better in the day than I do at night sometimes! In the winter if I go for a snooze I put the electric blanket on - feels like heaven. My body seems to shut down in the afternoons - It’s like my body temperature drops and go to feel really cold and shivery and then it takes me a couple of hours in bed with the electric blanket to warm up.
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Listening to our bodies is important. We are after all creatures designed to get up at dawn and go to bed (in the cave) at dusk. Mainly to avoid predators.
I sleep well in our camper, as well as sleeping at night.
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I think I’m part dormouse :) xx
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I agree with CLKD in listening to your body. I like a nanny nap now and again! X
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Hi lovely, I have had anxiety most of my life. But always managed it. Menopause related anxiety however knocked me totally. It was totally different, irrational and my usual coping mechanisms didn’t work. I felt utterly defeated when my Dr recommended anti depressants. When I agreed and first started in them things got even worse, but then things levelled out and I actually feel good most of the time.
Take care of you and sending a big hug x
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Thank you so much for sharing that, RobinRose. Sometimes I think AD’s might be where I’m heading. All the meno issues are pretty much under control, but the M.E has gone haywire along with the Vaginal Atrophy which mainly affects my bladder. I can’t seem to get these things back under control so at the moment the anxiety has gone off the scale and I’m feeling utterly exhausted and very low.
I double up my dose of vagifem to x2 per day for two weeks and that got the va under control, but then after two weeks of x1 a day the issues came back so I’m trying x2 a day again for a few days. This is the exact same pattern of V.A flare that happened to me last time so I’m hoping a few days of doubling the dose might get it under control again. It’s not a uti because I was tested. I don’t even know if I’m doing the right thing, but it helped last time. I’m now full of anxiety that I might be in a situation where x1 vagifem every day no longer controls the v.a. I don’t know what the hell I’ll do then. It never rains but it pours as they say. On the upside I am hopeful that things will improve both M.E and V.A and then the anxiety might level out again. I had a little cry this morning when I read your post and the other messages again. I’m very grateful to everyone for their advice and input and kindness. xxxx
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I’m suffering with out of control anxiety.
I don’t think it’s just meno-related, although I suppose it partly could be related to the way all the meno/health issues have happened out of the blue - the worry of symptoms, having to learn about it all and then adapt to/learn to live with different things. Like, for instance, the V.A - not knowing what it was at first, all the worry about it, the pain, then starting the treatment and then learning how to cope with it, and then later - finding out about “flare-ups” and having to research and learn and work out what to do. Exhausting.
Anyway, I think the anxiety is probably more related to family issues - unexpected deaths in the family and then issues with my abusive mother. Anyway, all of this has probably contributed to the anxiety issue and I find myself every day taking another ridiculous, small worry and driving it in my head all the way to catastrophe! It runs away with me and I don’t know how to reel it back in. I don’t want to see the doctor as that sends my anxiety supersonic anyway as I know of I go the GP they’ll probably start trying to stop my hrt as that has happened before and I’m exhausted and basically can't be arsed with all their malarkey.
Anyone got any tips? JJ xxx
I haven't read the rest of the thread yet but I could have written this.
Hugs JJ, I'll read the rest of the thread x
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Thanks for the hugs KaraShannon. Sorry to hear you have felt similar. Hope things soon improve. Hugs to you too xx
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Just a little update. I signed up for the NHS online therapy and have been working through the sections. A supporter is going to ring me next week for a chat and to do a more personalised programme based on my specific issues and anxiety. I’m glad to have taken that step and feel positive about things to come. Thanks for all the advice everyone xxx
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Just a little update. I signed up for the NHS online therapy and have been working through the sections. A supporter is going to ring me next week for a chat and to do a more personalised programme based on my specific issues and anxiety. I’m glad to have taken that step and feel positive about things to come. Thanks for all the advice everyone xxx
This is such wonderful news! I am very happy for you. Thank you for sharing this. :-*
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That’s really good to hear, good luck with everything.
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thank you flossieteacake and ATB xx Thanks everyone for your replies x
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Let us know h ow you get on. Will U get homework ?
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I think there probably will be some kind of homework … I’ll ley you know how it goes x