Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Vicky81 on March 25, 2022, 08:12:43 AM
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Hi ladies
Hope you are all well?
Just wanted you experience really....
Day off today and yet again I wake up with that dread in my stomach...anxiety feel. Nothing planned as usual and I feel no pleasure in anything at all. I feel just robotic.
I know this is a morbid post but its just so unlike me at all. I used to live my life so upbeat and couldn't wait for the weekends. . Going out with partner; friends....nothing, zero.
I'm only 41 as I've put before and feel like I'm going to be this way forever.
Would be grateful for any experiences?
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Hi Vicky81
It’s oh so horrid feeling, I feel your sorrow and despair.
It sounds like you might possibly have adrenal issues.
Would you be able to do a cortisol saliva test?
You can order yourself online from companies like medichecks or zrt labs.
Easy to do, it’s a saliva test taken 4 times a day, starting when you wake up.
It’s a very good idea to choose one that tests Dhea at the same time as the two have a relationship with each other.
You might have already done this but I thought I should let you know just in case you haven’t.
I’m my experience this test, for relatively little outlay, is one of the most important reliable tests you can do.
Sending sunny hugs x
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Vicky, I know how much you are struggling and how much you want to get better. It's a waiting game while you wait for the increase in Sertraline to do its thing - which it will but I can understand that from where you are it feels like things won't improve.
So two things - you need to let time pass. More importantly you have to find a way of getting outside of your own head. I know what it's like, you are scurrying round inside your mind trying to find solutions, thinking up all the possible permutations of your hrt and your ADs and that is becoming the problem. In trying to fix yourself you are making it worse. I know this because I have been there. Try saying to yourself just for the next five minutes I am not going to think about how bad I am feeling or whether another Google search might find the magic word. Instead think of a little job that you can concentrate on. Tidy out a drawer. When you notice you are off ruminating again gently bring yourself back to focus. Or make yourself go for a walk. Notice the green buds, the blossom. Honestly Vicky getting outside your head is the best thing you can do for yourself. Stop trying to fix and allow time to pass and the medicine to work. Xxx
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Awww thanks all so far who have replied to me ...you are so nice x
I'm going to do thst cortisol test that marchlove suggested.
I'm actually in town as we speak....I put makeup on and dragged myself here. Xx
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Hi Vicky ❤
I'm sending you the biggest hug, and I couldn't scroll past without trying to help 🥰 it's like a minefield trying to find what helps.... are we taking enough? Are we taking too much.... it's horrible xx
When my Sertraline dose was increased to 100, it took a good 2 months to feel benefit, which it does help, but I think my stupid hormones cocked it up! I would have weeks of racing, pounding heart and hot flushes in my face which I think affected my mental health badly... or they could have been two separate things to do with peri, who knows!
I think the increase in Sertraline should help you, but have you had any other symptoms that need attention? I have started on a low dose of hrt (ive had no blood tests) for two weeks, and, im frightened to say this, I feel better these last 3 days, very gradually. I'm not blowing my trumpet yet, as I'm still very cautious, as I've been so up and down with symptoms. Maybe your hrt is too high?
I agree with Marchlove too, a cortisol test is a fab idea.... to find out what's going on in your body in other ways.
Im sorry, I'm wittering and not making much sense, but please take a day, a moment, at a time and never stop trying new things xx lots of love
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Well done Vicky81
We’re all shopping with you!! xx
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When in this highly reactive, "desperate" mode, it can be too easy to latch on to far too much information which may or may not apply specifically to you. I can only re-iterate that your gp, a professional as someone with your history, can monitor your journey and join the dots for you that you're currently not rationally able to join for yourself because your head is bursting with trying to fix as Gnatty says. (Brilliant advice from her, as one who knows from personal experience and has learned through that.) Just pause, breathe, give this more time than you feel is worth it just now and start trying to slow down and get out of your head and into your wonderful, life-affirming senses.
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Good advice Postmeno, that makes so much sense xxx
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Agree Postmeno3
When anxiety strikes I have 1-5 on the calendar: 0 being OK. Depending on how high the number depends on whether I need the go-to medication. It also gives me a guide as to how often I feel awful.
It's The Change - does what it says on the tin. HORMONES >:(. Don't look for going back to what is 'normal' for you. I still don't look further than half a day at a time. When I need to plan a trip away, my anxiety levels rise. :'(
Do U sing? Breathing correctly is important. Anxiety may cause shallow breathing as we get more and more panicked, which then feeds itself. I've never resorted to the brown paper bag method but for many, breathing into one helps.
Little steps. MayB make a list each evening so that you have something to tick off during the day, you will then see how much you *have* achieved ;-).
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Awww thanks again all.
Unicorn- thanks 4 your lovely message about sertraline ...feel hopeful now. And I'm here if you need me xx
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Thanks gnatty and postmeno3....I know it takes time ....just gets hard at times xx
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Thank you Vicky 🥰 Also, this site has been a God send to me. Such wonderful, strong ladies have given me hope through my darkest days.... this site was recommended by my GP 😆 .... I have felt more 'human' albeit cautious these last 3 days.... I'm sure you are peri Vicky, because it doesn't make sense sometimes when these symptoms come out of nowhere. I have suffered anxiety more than depression in the past and I had been very well for 10 + years on Citalopram 20mg. I've had anxiety and some low mood when my children were born (they are 18 and 15 now) so this hormonal disruption does make sense. My peri i think started 4 years ago with periods of anxiety and feeling low for a week now and again, then the pounding heart, nightsweats and thtobbing face. I tried hrt patches18 months back and it really didn't help then, but maybe it was adding more hormones to a storm as it was. Chuffing hormones! Xxxx
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Trying to look at things through a wider "lens" with the suggestions made already will help it feel a little less hard as you are not investing solely on Setraline (as recommended by your psychiatrist colleague) but investing in yourself! Making little changes every day to your lifestyle practices....journalling gets "it" out not in, going round and round in your head. Making little adjustments to your surroundings so that they feel different will take you into a different headspace, just a new cushion, plant or mug. Looking at tweaks to your diet and any exercise regime you have. Have you a pet? If you can afford one not too demanding, it's somewhere else to focus your attention and become less inward-looking as you're obliged to look outwards to care for it. Just step back a little from letting yourself be consumed by the Setraline "solution". It may be, with time and patience, but there are other ways to help you feel more in control of yourself right now than it in control of you.
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Agree with what’s being said here.
Have you ever had anything like CBT? It’s extremely useful for things like social anxiety. If you self refer and put down that you struggle to leave the house/enjoy usual things you will be further up the waiting list as your need is quite high. Mental Health services are so stretched at the moment I know though so it could still be quite a wait. Is there any possibility of going private for CBT or some sort of therapy?
There are also beginner online CBT courses and guides on the nhs website etc which may help you just to get started and be able to see a way ahead then if you begin to make some tiny steps. And they can be tiny!
Really sorry you are feeling so bad.
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Just a little suggestion to add what the others have said …
maybe look at your researching/googling/looking for answers. How do you feel after you’ve done some Googling? Reassured? Worse? Or reassured but then worse again a few hours later?
This kind of reassurance seeking can be counter productive. You may find you are actually feeding your anxiety, rather than alleviating it.
How about trying to limit yourself to one session (say- you decide!) of half an hour (say) Googling or researching per day. Set a timer. Be strict with yourself. Distract yourself if you feel you want to google. Read, go out for a walk, stare out of the window. But not googling!
See if that makes you feel more or less relaxed. Experiment! Keep at it a week. How do you feel after a week?
This kind of thing is what CBT type therapy is based on. Reducing the researching type behaviour is just of many many examples of how it might help.
Just a couple of ideas for you. There is a way through this I promise.
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Yeah, that whole compulsive "researching" then ruminating cycle is so destructive, "energetically" and can affect sleep. Great tip! Take time if you seek out CBT, taking special care with the online options. Maybe seek out recommendations through your work. They should know reputable folk. Have you an HR department to approach for recommendations? It should be seen as a positive, self-care step in any workplace worth its salt. I'm aware we're all bombarding you with suggestions. They are just that, suggestions! Try not to be overwhelmed by or clutching at whatever seems like an instant solution. Take your time. Choose the tiny, manageable tips first!
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I reckon you are right Postmeno and Vanillalover, in my case, googling doesn't help sometimes, as I ended up reading stuff about worse case scenarios, such as treatment resistant depression etc..... not good! And you have to remind yourself that some Google sites write about the very worse cases, which are rare. Sometimes knowledge is power, but not when you're adding more and more info to your already anxious mind xxxx
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If you GOOGLE then read NHS websites! Check who is sponsoring the 'advice'. Or look at UK support groups. These can be accessed to ask questions.
When I had PMT in the 1990s NAPS really helped with phone advice.
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Hmmmmmm.....not sure support groups might be too appropriate right now, CLKD. They can demand a lot of an individual and a lot depends on that person's capacity for other people's "stuff". Well "held" and managed, they can be useful, but, if they are not, can turn into "greetin' meetins' " (Scottish-ism) and folk absorb and start processing extra stuff they really don't need!
Glad you got the supportive help you needed back then over the phone.
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Thank you all again so very much.
Yes you are right the googling i guess is too much ...I do it alot at the mo.
Just got back from town. I made myself go to a wine bar place I always loved...Sat outside with a juice.
Thank you again. Anxiety is just the worst feeling ever.. like unicorn said it must be peri as it came from nowhere xxx
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Unicorn- I've sent you a private message xx
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Sorry you’re having such an awful time Vicky. I get it - it’s really hard when you can’t find the solution to how you feel- it’s scary & frustrating. I think we all would love to instantly feel better when we are unwell or feeling low and sometimes like the other ladies have said the solution is found in a combination of things- acceptance of what is happening & not fighting it, the right meds dose, a good exercise regime, cutting out some things and upping the good stuff in your diet, listening and reading stuff that makes you laugh or empowers you, chatting on here, and being kind to yourself because you’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got right now. It is a really *%€¥%*< horrible feeling that dread as soon as you wake up but it WILL get better slowly but surely you’ve got to give it a bit of time. Big hugs 🤗💜
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Hugs to you Louise! Thank you for replying to me hun.
Yes that feeling when you open your eyes ... same thing everyday! Xxx
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How might you try starting to take control to change that, Vicky?
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I seem to get up pretty quickly....get me clothes on ....and not sit there too long
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Criky that's dismissive .......... :'(
What's the difference to being on MM and looking at other groups tell me ?
I'm not suggesting those with Forums but those directly linked to Research and Information.
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I don't want to de-rail Vicky's thread, CLKD! What I meant was in-person support groups where everyone is sharing difficult emotional/psychological material together. I think I said that if these are held, within "contracts", and managed well by the facilitator they can be very useful. However, one can never be sure of one's own or others' capacity for such exposure and if not "held", can prove quite damaging. There is no comparison with an anonymous online forum or research group. I was not being remotely dismissive, quite the opposite. Please do not throw challenging judgements at me on a thread like this where extremely sensitive material is being explored and some "sense" of what might be helpful and what might not at this particular stage for an individual being explored as far as possible. I was speaking from personal experience from both chairs/sides in such matters.
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Hi Vicky81, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. There is a scientific name for what you are experiencing, it is called ANHEDONIA. Even if you feel more anxious when reading things on the internet, I suggest you look up that term and read up on it, because it's actually more linked to depression than anxiety. There are zillions of reasons why we might be depressed, including hormonal imbalance. The first thing is to understand what is behind that feeling and then try to address it, whether through chemical, psychological or behavioural avenues.
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Thank you uptick....yes I've read about that before....hmmm I shall see how I go.
Postmeno3 I have to say I agree with you about the group work thing....I just wouldn't be ready 4 that ...but thank you CLKD for your post to me and suggestions....
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You will get there. M
It’s takes time and patience I’ve found. I was exactly the same with driving ( I mentioned) and could have stopped driving in January 2019.
Hopefully the Hrt will calm the anxiety but it’s a case of baby steps each day o think. Each time to leave the house and go out, it’s a step in the right direction 😊
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Awww thanks NAS
How long did it take for yours to go?, xx
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Well it hasn’t gone completely, but better than it was.
Im not a great socializer anyway, but can get out and about.
Whether that’s down to HRT or not, I don’t know.
I do know that without ANY HRT, I struggle to hold a conversation!
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Aahh ok ...thank you NAS xxx