Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Unicorn on March 20, 2022, 09:30:02 AM
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Hi again, sorry to twitter on, but I'm scared!
I'm still so frightened I'm not ever going to feel 'normal again.
I'm on day 12 of a new HRT regime where I rub Sandrena gel in and then on day 15 I start utrogestan, 200. Before starting, I had terrible pounding heart, hot flushes and exhausion and had suffered intermittently with low mood and anxiety (probably due to the other symptoms).
I thought I was better from the pounding heart, but it's back as soon as I woke up this morning 😒 and I feel anxious. It has seriously affected my life as I feel bad nearly everyday.
I've been taking an AD Sertraline, 100mg for about a year now and it hasn't really helped. Surely if it's anxiety, it would have sorted it?
I know it's only been 12 days on my HRT, and I'm inpatient, but I really want to feel like me again.
What shall I do? Is it still too early for the HRT to kick in? I read that some ladies feel better within a week, or do I change my AD?
So sorry to twitter on
Please help xxx
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Hello Unicorn
I am so sorry that you are suffering and I have definitely been where you are now and it does get better.
Other ladies will be along to advise you but it is still early days for your HRT so there is hope.
Take care and sending hugs.
K.
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It's far too early to tell if hrt is working, you need to give it 3 months. Flushes usually go within a couple of weeks, other things take longer. My anxiety and insomnia took 3 months.
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Thank you Kathleen 😊
I just feel so upset as I don't want to leave the house, only to work. I felt like this on and off a few months ago, and I could cope with it, but now it seems permanent 😔.
How did you get through it Kathleen? Xx
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Thank you Sheila! This gives me hope, as the racing heart and hot face has calmed down a bit (although I'm not sure if that's the gel or where I am in my cycle).... it's hard to tell xxx
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Hello Unicorn. As somebody with mental illness I too have these bouts of depression. I just want you to know that they do pass. I think you may be putting pressure on yourself to 'feel better'. I understand the despair and the need to feel okay. What helps me is to take each day as it comes. I do not think about tomorrow and how I will feel. I try to just take the day slowly and get through it to the best of my abilities.
I would say it is very positive that you are able to go to work. When in deep depression work can become impossible. I hope that you being able to work can reassure you a bit. You not wanting to go out is okay. It is okay to need time to rest and depression is exhausting.
For some people an AD will not totally eliminate depression or anxiety. They just take the edge of it. Do you think it may help you to have some therapy? It could help to discuss your fears with a trained therapist.
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Hello again Unicorn
These were my symptoms a long time ago and as I recall I just battled through and they stopped happening. I honestly can't remember if I had started HRT at that time. I definitely had other daily problems like headaches before beginning HRT and after six months they just stopped and have never returned.
I see that you haven't taken your Utrogestan yet. Perhaps when you do your hormones will be in a better balance and you will begin to feel better.
Wishing you well.
K.
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Thank you Flossieteacake 🥰
I don't really feel depressed as such, just anxious really... I think I'm down because I have had enough of feeling 'not myself' if that makes sense? The racing heart and flushes have been awful and I think this may have added to my anxiety, and left me not wanting to leave the house. I know this sounds dramatic, but it's been horrific xxxx
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Thank you Kathleen! Xx
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I do not think it sounds dramatic not wanting to go out. If your heart races then it is nerve wracking for it to happen when outside.
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....... and breath.
My GP gave me Propranolol to ease the early morning anxiety surges, caused by ?? Cortisol. ??. The waking hormone. The need to feel well was urgent for me, I was house bound for 3 months and thought that I would never get better. I did with a bit of Trial and Error with medications. Now I have an emergency anti-anxiety medication 'as necessary'. As well as Anti-depressant medication to ease depression.
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Thank you CLKD! I do have propranalol for the racing heart, but take them sparingly. I'm worried about the side effects, especially the depression 🥴 I don't fancy that as well ... lol! Xxx
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I took Propranolol every night to ease the surges :-\. It isn't likely to give you depression. Which can of course be treated.
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Hi CLKD, thanks for your help ❤ can propranolol cause dependence? Xxx
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Hi CLKD, thanks for your help ❤ can propranolol cause dependence? Xxx
No it’s a beta blocker. It’s not like a benzodiazepine x
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Thank you Nik! That's good to know.
Does anybody think I should change my AD? I can't say I'm depressed but I don't feel myself, a bit flat maybe? Xxxx
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Nope. It's for stress relief, in that it acts as a relaxant. Sports people are not allowed to take it so it obviously works. It certainly helped me for several years.
I wouldn't change anything at this moment in time. You may feel that the AD isn't helping, but you may also find that you get a horrid dip if you try to wean off.
Some require both HRT and an AD or anti-anxiety medication through peri. When our own hormones rise and fall, it can make any replacement therapy have to work harder ::)
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Thank you CKLD! I appreciate your advice. It makes sense as I was on Citalopram for 10 + years before and felt happy and normal before all this peri hell started. I also had anxiety after my children were born, so it leads me to think hormones have put me off kilter. One minute I think, 'yes, im feeling better on this hrt' then a moment later I think 'oh, no I'm not' xxx crazy xxx
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Hi 👋 I'm feeling awful too today. Panic stricken that this is now how things are going to be. I too take sertraline, I'm now on 150mg. Recently increased to 200mg but couldn't tolerate the side effects. I sometimes feel it's not working, but I wouldn't come off at this time in my life as to feel any worse would be unbearable.
I sometimes look at older women with envy, thinking how they've got through this and come out the other side. I want to ask everyone of them how they coped. My mom has Alzheimer's do I can't talk to her about it
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Hi Gingercatmom! I'm so sorry you're feeling so crap too ❤ big hugs to you.
I know, I asked my 64 year old sister and my 87 year old mum about it, but my Mum firstly says 'she didn't suffer too much' but really can't remember and my sister says she just had hot flushes and no racing heart etc. And her periods just stopped at 39 🤷♀️. My mum just keeps saying 'it'll pass' but I sure like to know when 😆 I'm 48 and my periods are still pretty regular and I've been going through this for about 4 years, although it's ramped up a bit over the last few months. I have spoke to others and nobody's symptoms seem to be as bad as mine ☺ and they look at me thinking I'm batty. I was getting days of feeling normal, but I can't remember now when I felt my normal self tbh. I hope I'm not going to be one of those ladies that have this crap for the rest of my life, even when my periods have finished and I certainly hope it doesn't go on for another 10 years + xxxx are you on any HRT Gingercatmom? Xx
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Im exactly the same as you. 48, still regular periods and the odd flush. I have palpitations which terrify me. It's the anxiety and depression and horrible shaky feelings that I can't stand. They're really bad today, I've been in tears and panicking all day. It all started last year, I had no idea what was happening! Just want it all to stop!
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Gingercatmom, have a big cwtch from me (Welsh hug) 💗 I'm wondering if you need to go back to your GP. Maybe he/she need to change your AD. Maybe a change of HRT is needed? I'm so sorry, im not much help... it's a minefield, isn't it? I know it's so difficult xxxx
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Yes, it gets better.
In an absolute pit of desperation in the summer of 2019 (so stressed that my blood pressure was all over the place, one minute I'd be crying, the next minute I'd be trying to rip someone's head off, horrible anxiety, felt as if I was being strangled by invisible hands, wouldn't go anywhere or do anything because I thought I might start screaming and never stop, etc, etc) I ended up (basically) wanting to cease to exist.
I can't tell you that there was some sort of magic bullet. I tried HRT. I saw a herbalist for a year. For me, and I stress this is for me, it was the therapy that finally helped. Weekly. Since the summer of 2019. I'd had therapy before, and yeah, made sense at the time, then I'd just slip back and feel as if somehow I'd failed therapy. Not good. Anyway, I found an organisation that specialised in what they needed to specialise in for me. Turns out, I'd managed to tough it out my whole life, but not really. Maybe I'd staved off the worst of it for most of the time. Yeah. No.
I think I realised that I was 'getting better' at the point I passed my motorcycle test - which I'd wanted to do for years. And then, at the grand old age of 51/52, I decided I was going to train to be a history teacher. What a stupid thing to do. The cheek of me, thinking I could go from veteran depressive / anxiety machine / agoraphobic to standing up in front of a bazillion kids a day. Seriously? And yet this is exactly what I'm doing. I don't feel like that person who just wanted to stop existing anymore. I still have my moments, but I'm managing. I now know when I need to crash and how to take care of myself - and that I deserve to take care of myself and be taken care of. I'll never be 'Mrs worry free spontaneity'. I really want that, but it ain't happening. The best I can get is to feel as if I'm living my life and it's a life worth living. It's hard. And there are many tears. But it's not staring into the abyss with the abyss staring back at me.
Hope you find what you need.
Best
EK
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Yes, it gets better.
In an absolute pit of desperation in the summer of 2019 (so stressed that my blood pressure was all over the place, one minute I'd be crying, the next minute I'd be trying to rip someone's head off, horrible anxiety, felt as if I was being strangled by invisible hands, wouldn't go anywhere or do anything because I thought I might start screaming and never stop, etc, etc) I ended up (basically) wanting to cease to exist.
I can't tell you that there was some sort of magic bullet. I tried HRT. I saw a herbalist for a year. For me, and I stress this is for me, it was the therapy that finally helped. Weekly. Since the summer of 2019. I'd had therapy before, and yeah, made sense at the time, then I'd just slip back and feel as if somehow I'd failed therapy. Not good. Anyway, I found an organisation that specialised in what they needed to specialise in for me. Turns out, I'd managed to tough it out my whole life, but not really. Maybe I'd staved off the worst of it for most of the time. Yeah. No.
I think I realised that I was 'getting better' at the point I passed my motorcycle test - which I'd wanted to do for years. And then, at the grand old age of 51/52, I decided I was going to train to be a history teacher. What a stupid thing to do. The cheek of me, thinking I could go from veteran depressive / anxiety machine / agoraphobic to standing up in front of a bazillion kids a day. Seriously? And yet this is exactly what I'm doing. I don't feel like that person who just wanted to stop existing anymore. I still have my moments, but I'm managing. I now know when I need to crash and how to take care of myself - and that I deserve to take care of myself and be taken care of. I'll never be 'Mrs worry free spontaneity'. I really want that, but it ain't happening. The best I can get is to feel as if I'm living my life and it's a life worth living. It's hard. And there are many tears. But it's not staring into the abyss with the abyss staring back at me.
Hope you find what you need.
Best
EK
What a wonderful and inspiring post! I am so happy you managed to do something you have always wanted to do. I agree with therapy too. Therapy has helped me so much. I am really happy things are so much better for you. :)
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Thank you Elkwarning and Flossieteacake!
Elkwarning, that's amazing 🥰 and so inspiring, I'm so glad you are feeling much better!
I have thought of therapy, but I feel I don't feel that I would have anything to say really 😕 . No disrespect, I think it can help enormously in some respects though xxxx
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For me, the best thing about therapy is just feeling heard, believed. We're all grieving some part of ourselves we feel we've lost to this stage of life, whether knowingly or not. Nobody on here is saying, "Hey! This is GREAT! I wish I'd been menopausal years ago!" So, maybe spending time with a kind listener, as precious time spent just for you, to allow someone to hear you say, "This sucks right now!" and not be judged, could be the best investment you've ever made in yourself. Good luck with whatever you decide can take you forward. 💜
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Thank you Postmeno! I will certainly consider it xx I do have a very understanding OH which helps too, thank goodness! Xxx thank you all xxx
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For me, the best thing about therapy is just feeling heard, believed. We're all grieving some part of ourselves we feel we've lost to this stage of life, whether knowingly or not. Nobody on here is saying, "Hey! This is GREAT! I wish I'd been menopausal years ago!" So, maybe spending time with a kind listener, as precious time spent just for you, to allow someone to hear you say, "This sucks right now!" and not be judged, could be the best investment you've ever made in yourself. Good luck with whatever you decide can take you forward. 💜
Wish there was a like button for this post Postmeno3 - you’ve got it spot on.
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Hi Louise! I agree 🥰🥰