Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: holidaylover on November 09, 2020, 12:29:22 PM
-
Hi
I know this will sound ridiculous to most people but are there any others out there that are struggling with facemasks? I really just cant do it! I suffer anxiety disorder and panic attacks, which up until Covid had been manageable. During the first lockdown I managed my weekly shop (pre mask) just! I went around the supermarket albeit with butterflies in my stomach, sweating and palpitations, but I managed. I'm in Scotland and since masks became mandatory on July 10th I haven't been in a shop. Daughter and hubby get the supplies in. What's making my anxiety worse now is the constant rage coming from people (obviously the majority) who seem to deem anyone who is not waring a mask as a different species. Comments such as 'If you dont like a mask you'll hate a ventilator', and 'anyone not wearing a mask does not deserve to be treated by the NHS' and the famous Freddie Mercury one 'No mask on your face, you're a big disgrace', has made me feel utterly worthless. I appreciate the reasons for wearing a mask, I'm not stupid, and I wont put anyone in the position of having to come in contact with me, so I am staying at home. I know it's just a 'piece of cloth' and I know medical staff wear them 24/7 but that does not help. I dont even like seeing people wearing them, its giving me so much stress. I read this morning an article by a German virologist who thinks we may need to keep wearing them for up to the next 10 years!!! I've been in tears since then, I cant bear it. What is really not helping is the fact that I know plenty people who think they are saving the world and are some sort of superhero by wearing a cheap paper mask from Homebargains, making them think they cant get the virus so dont bother social distancing. The same people (I know as there are plenty in my street), have family and friends in and out their homes and are meeting up for coffee and lunches with more than the 'only two different household' rule. I just cant see how it is safe to sit in a restaurant eating and drinking without a mask and yet the virus is so dangerous that as soon as you stand up your doomed. I feel I am being so selfish and feel that everyone around me has just accepted that this is the new way to live. I feel I'm spoiling my families life now, I'm so obsessed with face masks. I have lost all my independence and dont know how long I can go on just sitting at home everyday apart from walking the dog. I know most of you reading this will want to tell me to grow up, it's the least I can do to wear a facemask to protect others, but it really isn't that easy, I wish it was.
-
You are not alone holiday maker.
I agree with what you say. The only upside of the current lockdown is that there are less places to go to, where I struggle with a facemask. I can just about manage a 15min supermarket dash, but that's it.
Personally I am not convinced they are affective at all.
-
You're not alone - I get excruciating chest pain and nausea after 5-6 minutes in a mask, and no amount of 'practicing' at home is getting me above that - it was a huge shock to me as I'd not expected to have any issues at all, apart from maybe my glasses steaming up! Like you, I'm finding it very restrictive and also feel bad that the burden for running all errands has fallen on my husband.
Pre-mandatory-mask-wearing, we would drive to a National Trust garden or park to go for a walk, but we've only been once since mask-wearing came in - we'd only been there half an hour and I needed the loo, and of course, I couldn't go because it meant wearing a mask - had a very unpleasant drive home and have been too worried it will happen again to go out since. And I feel so bad that my husband either has to go out on his own or stay home.
Like you, I feel really guilty when people go on about it. I find it especially infuriating when people brag along the lines of "I have an exemption but I choose to wear a mask to keep other people safe." Which implies that anyone who can't wear one is 'choosing' not to and doesn't care about others. Sorry, but if mask wearing is a 'choice' for you, then you didn't need an exemption in the first place!
I too worry about the prospect of being cut off from society for months or years - and how I will cope with reintegration once masks are finally made optional. No answers I'm afraid, but sending you a huge cyber hug.
-
I’m so sorry you are feeling like this, especially the anxiety it’s causing you.
As an alternative have you tried a face visor? My father wears one, it may not suit you either, but worth a try?
I am convinced that socially distancing and washing hands is far better than a face covering, and will keep other people much safer. I agree that some people put a mask on and think they are invincible, and forget the other mitigating measures.
Be true to yourself and as long as you know you are obeying the rules.
-
I understand your anxiety and you are not alone in this. This whole situation has gotten out of control and people are really struggling living life like this.
For work, I have to wear a surgical mask (they cut into the back of my ears) and goggles (always fogging up) and both are mandatory because I work with school-age children. At first, I had trouble breathing with the mask but over time I got used to it. I don't like wearing PPE and wish I didn't have to, but I have no choice these days.
I agree with milly and her suggestion of trying a face shield. They are easier to breathe in and they don't obstruct your face. Why not give one a try and see how you make out?
-
The problem with face shields is that they do not 'count' as face coverings - shops are entitled to refuse you entrance without a face covering - and you also get a load of abuse from other shoppers for not wearing one.
It's especially a problem if you don't 'look' exempt (i.e. obviously disabled or elderly) as people assume you're just not bothering!
@holidaylover, have you tried ringing your GP for advice? I was reluctant to bother mine, but finally rang them to see if they could offer any advice on breathing exercises or similar that might help - I was expecting to talk to a nurse but they've arranged a callback next week from an actual GP. I'll let you know if they are able to suggest any helpful ways of increasing tolerance.
-
Oh dear, i think we have been lucky then not to have come across any abuse with a face shield...all the staff in Marks and Spencer were wearing them last week!
I despair sometimes how awful some people can be, initially this crisis bought out the best in most, but maybe it’s the minority who wouldn’t be nice whatever we go through as a country.
We are in the shielding group and have had nothing but kindness from everyone, including supermarkets adding us a priority home deliveries.
Positive news holidaylover...vaccine maybe rolling out before Xmas, breaking news today
-
Really hoping the vaccine works...it'll feel like being let out of prison if it does!
-
Hi All, so glad I'm not alone in this, really thought I was and was starting to go mad! Someone gave me a face covering but to be honest that seemed as bad, although I do know now in Scotland they are not deemed acceptable on their own. You must wear a mask too! My anxiety is worse in crowded places, ie supermarkets when I always feel everyone is looking and judging me. Sounds crazy I know but that's my crazy mind for you! I tend to hyperventilate in stressful situations. What is everyones thoughts on a vaccine? My anxious mind now worries about side effects, long term ones that no one knows about yet. Remember thalidomide? Nobody can tell and although it seems like what we've all been waiting for, I feel very scared. Then I wonder how bad I may be affected if I caught the virus, I may be ok or then again not! Do I want to risk taking the vaccine or risk getting Covid. Oh how i admire optimistic people. I was happy sticking to the 2metre rule, in fact I would stick to a ten metre rule if it meant I could get out without a mask. I tend to call them muzzles much to the annoyance of my husband. Dorothy, I did think about calling the Doctor, but to be honest I find him rather intolerant of mental health problems. I've been prescribed anti d's in the past and had CBT to no avail. I'll be interested to hear how you get on.
-
Milly - different rules for Staff!
Ask your GP for an exception certificate holidaylover. As for those comments, if someone is really ill they won't be aware of a mask being put on the face. I put mine on without problems, other than occasionally when I've been walking, then I realise that I need another breath ::). I nipped into the surgery this morning completely forgetting mine, no one said a word ;-).
One should wear a face mask under a shield, when I'm in a store and get breathless I lift my mask; away from anyone else. If in the open air I don't wear one [England] ............ certainly if in a National Trust grounds I wouldn't consider it necessary once I'm alone. [I'm going to cancel our membership anyway].
If you have people who will shop for you then don't stress. It is what it is and have they moaned about going to the shops instead of yourself?
-
CLKD,
No they're not moaning, they're more than happy to help. It just makes we feel stupid, useless and worthless I suppose. Dotors dont give out exemption certificates and I'm not going to put myself in the position of being halted at the entrance of a shop by staff. Legally I know I dont have to prove my exepemtion but I'd be having a panic attack before I got anywhere near the shop in that case anyway. Your right, it is what it is, it truly is 'poop', so I'll just accept a future in the house til (or if) it goes away. The cases continue to rise even though masks are mandatory.
-
The cases are probably rising due to a specific age group mixing in great crowds! as well as students travelling home/back to Colleges when they have been told not to!!!
You can go out and about without a mask in the open air in England, mandatory in shops etc... If the family are getting supplies without problems, then make the list and send them off ;-). It is what it is. Remind them to add a treat or several ?
What other skills do you have, why does not being able to shop make you feel useless? Be kind to yourself. I see many people with lanyards which mean that they are exempt from wearing a mask, where do they get those from :-\
-
Milly - different rules for Staff!
Ah ok! .... clever virus this...knows whose staff and who isn’t!! 😂😂
Said in jest.
-
Milly - the point is that staff are not expected to wear a mask all day so those face thingies are less restrictive. As long as we all keep a distance we should be OK.
I hate my glasses steaming up but of course it's because it isn't tight enough ::). Apparently. Washing the masks often also helps.
-
I suppose I'm fortunate that I only have to wear and mask and goggles for 5 hours a day, split up. The masks that we were provided for us when our school first started were horrible, they cut the back of the ears and were too tight around the mouth. We hated them as we couldn't breathe and couldn't wait to get them off. There were complaints from other schools' staff with the same issues. Then they sent us another batch, but not any better. Finally, after 3 tries, they got it right. The ones we have now are larger with longer elastics and are more comfortable. But I still don't like wearing them no matter how comfortable they are.
-
I don't mind wearing a mask, but the elastic that goes behind your ear, absolutely pains the hell out of it. 😡😂
-
My ears don't seem to be big enough to hold the string ;D
-
That would be a brown paper bag ............. ;D
Or one with C.mas decorations on it :whist:
-
I promised I'd check back in to give an update on what my GP said.
First of all, she was really reassuring and kind about the whole thing - I had wondered if she'd brush it all off as a waste of time, but she didn't, which was a great relief.
She asked about my symptoms (chest pain and nausea) and if I experienced any anxiety or panic feelings when I tried a mask (I don't). She advised that breathing exercises & calming exercises can be useful when anxiety is experienced, but in my case, she didn't think it would be helpful. She suggested I try one of those cycling bandana/snood things, which fit tightly over the nose but are loose at the bottom - I had thought they wouldn't be good enough, but she said it was fine if I was struggling with the proper 3-ply masks. She also sent me a link to an exemption card to print out and advised me to carry that on a lanyard if the bandana thing doesn't work. She said that it would be good to have the card anyway, so that if I'm challenged for not wearing a 'proper' mask, I can produce it and explain that this is the best I can do.
Her final advice was that while it's important to wear a face covering if at all possible, when it causes extreme physical or mental distress, it's better to wear what you can and live as normal a life as possible than to cut yourself off completely, due to the mental health issues that total isolation can cause.
I've ordered a 'cycling gaiter' (that was what those things were described as) which should arrive by the weekend, so I'll see how I get on with it. Really hoping it will work, but if not, I feel a bit more comfortable using the exemption card now it's been recommended by my GP.
Definitely need to get something that works...we ran out of milk this week and I had to wait for my OH to bring some home from work. A day without a cuppa? Now that IS an emergency
-
Well done and tnx for the update, probably the GP had spoken to several about this issue.
Snoods can be used in different ways apparently .........
-
That is good news Dorothy.
When this is all over I am going to have a ritual burning of my masks, in the garden. :bbq:
-
That is good news Dorothy.
When this is all over I am going to have a ritual burning of my masks, in the garden. :bbq:
That's the bonus about being able to use the snood/gaiter thing - it can have a life post-Covid!
-
I struggle with masks and moving, because of breathing problems due to asthma, plus I wear glasses, which steam up. I had to wear a mask when I was able to see my parents. I don’t go to shops as I’m ‘vulnerable ‘. My daughter suggested a face shield instead, so I’ll try that next time I have to go out. I don’t look vulnerable by the way!
-
My son was in Sainsburys yesterday. A very elderly lady and her daughter were shopping and he overheard their conversation.
The elderly lady said 'I've had enough, I am not wearing this anymore. It's hard enough being old without having to put up with this'. By then she had torn off her mask, and dispite her daughters protests, refused to put it on again.
I found the following article on the use of masks.
https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/do-masks-stop-the-spread-of-covid-19-/amp?__twitter_impression=true
-
Great news Dorothy. I did get a gaitor to try (only time I have been in a position where I NEED one is at the hairdresser) but mines just kept slipping down so involved a lot of fiddling which defeats the purpose. I thought it might have been easier for the hairdresser when cutting round the ear area, but when I tried to talk the material kept going into my mouth and as I tend to breath through my mouth I felt like I was being suffocated! (And I looked akin to a glove puppet!) The hairdressers is now not the enjoyable experience it used to be, a relaxed hour or so with a coffee, some magazines and just some chill time. Now it's in and out in 10 mins, I'm now colouring at home go into salon with it wet and have a quick cut. Shadyglade, that's an interesting article on the success of facemasks, which I hope is true! Maybe there will come a time shortly when we can all have a 'burn the bra' moment with our masks! More importantly I think we all need to get back to the two metre rule which seems to more and more be getting forgotten about.
-
Interesting article. I’ve read that some masks are a waste of time, as they provide minimal protection, while others do. There hasn’t been enough studies on whether different masks provide protection.
-
That is good news Dorothy.
When this is all over I am going to have a ritual burning of my masks, in the garden. :bbq:
You have reminded me of a recent chat with a member of my usual dance class on masks. We had similar ones on at the time. She started talking about giving friends face masks for Christmas ! I said nothing but was horrified at the idea. ;D
-
That is good news Dorothy.
When this is all over I am going to have a ritual burning of my masks, in the garden. :bbq:
You have reminded me of a recent chat with a member of my usual dance class on masks. We had similar ones on at the time. She started talking about giving friends face masks for Christmas ! I said nothing but was horrified at the idea. ;D
Oh my gosh. What a horrible idea.
Okay if it's someone you don't like I suppose. :D
-
Great news Dorothy. I did get a gaitor to try (only time I have been in a position where I NEED one is at the hairdresser) but mines just kept slipping down so involved a lot of fiddling which defeats the purpose.
I wear glasses, so I'm hoping they'll keep the gaitor up! Although it's really just going to be for short periods - I'm not planning on doing any long shopping trips, I just want to have an option for emergencies, like using a loo or popping in for milk!
We've just booked a visit to one of our local NT gardens for Saturday - I haven't been out anywhere for 2 months because I've been too worried about needing the loo while I'm out. My OH pointed out that I hardly ever need the loo when we go for a walk round this garden, but it's the knowing that I can't go if I want to that makes me want to go! Does anyone else find that? I can be fine for hours without needing a loo, but as soon as I know I won't have access to one for a while, I feel the urge to wee! So now I have my gaiter, I'll probably be quite happy to wander around and come home again without actually needing to use it once!
-
I made a beautiful one with a thin wire that goes all the way across the top (it was some interesting covered electrical wire that I found in the garage - I think it is something to do with cars - don't tell OH ::) )
It is fitted, and with this wire it is as close as you can get round the top of the nose, but my glasses still steam up >:( It is worse now it is getting cold. If you breathe out, it has to go somewhere and it can't possibly pass through the mask fast enough.
I am going to make one that is only one layer instead of the 2/3. It won't look any different and I may even be able to breathe normally through it. Masks prevent you passing it on and I am very unlikely to pass it on as I am becoming agoraphobic so have no chance of picking it up anyway :-X
-
Dorothy, now that it's getting colder you will more than likely need a big cosy scarf anyway if your visiting a garden. Pulling that up over your nose whilst visiting the loo would suffice, as long as it's a 'face covering' it doesn't need to be a mask. I think personally that would look more 'normal' during the winter months. It's the 'un normalness' of the look of masks that freaks me out. Enjoy your day out.
-
We had a lovely walk at the weekend - and I did need the loo!!!
The gaitor is stretchy, so it stays up quite well for short periods, and I was ok breathing in it as long as I moved slowly. It's much too thin to count as a 'proper' mask, but since I hardly ever go anywhere, I think my chances of being infectious are pretty minimal, and as my GP says, a thin face covering is better than no face covering at all. And it 'looks' ok, so hopefully will stop me getting yelled at for not wearing a face covering!
@holidaylover, I've seen some gaitors that have little elastic loops at the top to fit over the ears - you could maybe try adding loops to yours?
-
Dorothy, glad you had a good day. I've just given up now, and realise that until masks are a thing of the past, I'll have to stay at home. Maybe they never will be, what a thought! But it's just the whole covering my face I cant deal with and seeing others with them on. It's the look thats making me panic. Hubby brought a lot of 'wrong' things home with the weekly shop last night and I had a right strop. I felt really bad afterwards as I know he was doing his best. Spent the night blubbing and feeling sorry for myself, which is pathetic. It just makes me feel so hopeless and reliant on others, which I dont like. I feel my independence has been taken away.
-
This too will pass holidaylover. A neighbour popped round earlier with a mask like a tiger's face ::). There are some to buy with Festive holly etc. printed on, am I tempted: you bet ;D. I like the idea of those where 1 can see the lips ..........
For those who don't wear a mask then turning away from others is sufficient.
-
I walk near to shop windows so that if approached too closely, I can turn my face away. Otherwise we are lucky to have access to open spaces and when timed 'right', we never see a soul. Do you have a garden holidaylover?
-
Teresa, yes I walk everyday, we have a dog. But its all becoming so monotonous. Apart from that I feel like I'm a prisoner in my own home. It feels a bit like I'm in a goldfish bowl looking out. Where I live it's just like normal, folks popping to the shops everyday, off out for coffees and bar lunches, and yet I still I hear them moan about things. I see people standing talking and laughing in the street, (no social distancing may I add) and I so want to be able to do that again too. I'm starting to feel jealous of other people and its not a nice feeling, its just not like me. I feel like everyone is so acceptable of the situation now and I realise that its just common practice to pop a wee bit fabric on and get on with things. Ive never been in a coffee shop or restuarant since Febraury and not been in a shop since July, and I think I would be scared to now. And yes I do feel very low.
-
CLKD, yes we have a garden, back and front but not really one I can wander in!
-
@holidaylover, could you do online shopping? Even if you can't get a slot every week, maybe having an occasional online shop where you can choose what you want instead of relying on a family member might help?
Also, do you drive or does your OH drive? I've taken to going with my husband sometimes when he's shopping and waiting in the car. We had to stop off unexpectedly for something once when I was with him, and I felt quite overwhelmed by the sheer number of people & cars, which is why I've taken to going with him deliberately - I realised I was getting SO isolated that I was struggling with even seeing people at a distance!
I think many of us will find resuming normal life difficult when the time comes. I read a very helpful article about this at the end of the first lockdown. It was talking about the importance of little steps. So, for example, with shops, the first step might be walking past, the second might be walking in and out again, then you walk around a little more, then you go in to buy one item...and by gradually building it up, eventually you reach the point where you can just do your food shop as normal. The emphasis was on little steps that were achieveable, so that you don't try to do too much at once, be unable to cope and then feel terrible for 'failing'. You will get there - hopefully just a few more months to go.
-
Dorothy thanks, yes I do shop online for lots of other things, just not the food shop. Actually my husband says he enjoys doing it, he's very good at adding things for himself that otherwise I probably would not have bought! Who knew anyone still likes PEK?! I do sometimes sit in the car whilst he nips in for something we need, but he's such a chatterbox and always seems to meet someone he knows so I end up sitting for ages. I'm quite enjoying my boxes of 'stuff' arriving from Amazon and the likes. I can never remember what I've ordered so it's a bit like Christmas. I do agree though that there will be lots of folks that will find it hard to get back to normal, whatever that may be. Will we believe its safe to go out even if we are all vaccinated? It will certainly be small steps for many.