Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: sheila99 on March 16, 2020, 03:28:17 PM
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For anyone with caring responsibilities for elderly or sick relatives I thought we might use this thread to swap ideas, I don't know what to do for the best.
MIL in her 80s, heart bypass, celiac, gets confused, only able to live alone because of OH. He takes her shopping, to appointments, dispenses her pills (after she took a double dose), peels the spuds, opens difficult packaging etc etc. How do we keep her safe? The virus is probably guaranteed to kill her but having no help in the house might do too. DD is the most likely source of infection, she takes the train to a large school, A levels next year. Do I take her out?
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There is a certain age group that so far seems immune. What does the Head of Year suggest? If pupils work from home the whole internet might crash. Have a look Public Health England and keep an eye on the daily bulletins from Boris.
As for your elderly MiL - could you send an e-mail to their Surgery to ask? Have a plan in case either you or OH falls ill with anything, not necessary this particular Bug. Are there District Nurses for example that could assist if necessary? AgeUK?
We have been told that ours will deliver medication to those housebound as well as suggesting that we ring to check if anyone is worried for a chat with a Nurse or GP. Is your MiL generally well for her age and health conditions? What appts might be necessary in the next 2-3 months, could they be postponed? Toothache of course would need to be an emergency.
Would food deliveries help - is there a local shop that would take an order round? That's what our village is trying to sort, like a food bank but for those here. Letting those living alone know that they are not alone. How far does OH need to travel each time?
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Current advice is that it is ok to visit the vulnerable as long as you do not have any symptoms yourself and maintain a 2 metre distance between you. So as long as you observe scrupulous hygiene when visiting, your MIL should be ok. Also, if you have a cuppa at her house, I would take your own mug with you - it's important not to share mugs etc as infection can be spread that way.
I will continue to visit my mother, following these rules, for as long as I am allowed to. Being cut off from family & friends is likely to cause depression, anxiety or stress, which in themselves are known to weaken the immune system, making someone more susceptible to disease.
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Apparently the Bug lives on surfaces for 5-8 days so it's important to wash down with boiled water and detergent. I don't know if it's necessary to wipe down or air dry?
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Current advice is that it is ok to visit the vulnerable as long as you do not have any symptoms yourself and maintain a 2 metre distance between you. So as long as you observe scrupulous hygiene when visiting, your MIL should be ok. Also, if you have a cuppa at her house, I would take your own mug with you - it's important not to share mugs etc as infection can be spread that way.
I will continue to visit my mother, following these rules, for as long as I am allowed to. Being cut off from family & friends is likely to cause depression, anxiety or stress, which in themselves are known to weaken the immune system, making someone more susceptible to disease.
I went to see my Dad and cook him lunch yesterday. Will continue unless we are in lockdown so I can't get there. Kept my distance as a precaution
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R U able to batch cook for him?
Have a look-see at your village facebook to see what's being arranged locally?
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I distrust government advice, they've changed their minds too many times to be believable. We don't know when a person becomes infectious, is it really only when they develop symptoms or could it be before? The outbreak in Italy started from someone who didn't know he had it. And surfaces - he is handling her pills. If there are bugs in his breath they have to land somewhere, and I don't think we really know how long they live for. A health worker is (rightly) protected with full ppi and face mask, yet on old person won't catch it with an infected person in their home as long as they're 6 feet away? It doesn't add up. Agree about the loneliness though.
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I think the problem is that they have to keep giving 'advice' to the public even if they don't know what they're doing!
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The situation is escalating hourly. Hence the afternoon updates with advice. They won't get it right every time but if it helps stablise what we ought to do now ..........
Mum's care home has closed it's doors to anyone sniffling ::) should I be upset, am I :-X ;)
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Just wondering what 'unnecessary social contact' is - I'm going to do some shopping for my mum tomorrow. She was really upset at the thought that I won't go in. If I don't go in, she's likely to insist on going out to shop for herself, so that she can at least say hello to the checkout person.
So - is it better for me to pop in for a cuppa and try to keep the 2 metre distance, or not pop in at all and she ends up wandering round town because she's lonely...
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Do her shopping for her.
Then go in for a cuppa. But wash your hands like your life depends on it, as soon as you go into her house.
Don't hug her or kiss her.
Make sure you wash up your tea cup before leaving. And dont touch any surfaces you dont need to.
xx
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Go for the cuppa first, take your own cup. Do the shopping after and just drop it off. Oh, and don't breathe while you're there!
Seeing just one person gives her a lower chance of being exposed to the virus. Can she work a computer? Facetime or Skype is she can, sim with unlimited minutes if she can't.
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Good advice Sheila, re cuppa first, then shopping.
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Go for the cuppa first, take your own cup. Do the shopping after and just drop it off. Oh, and don't breathe while you're there!
Seeing just one person gives her a lower chance of being exposed to the virus. Can she work a computer? Facetime or Skype is she can, sim with unlimited minutes if she can't.
Yes, I thought shopping after would be least risky - and I'm wearing clean clothes so hopefully won't be carrying anything in on them when I go in. She's already so distressed at being stuck indoors, so on balance, I think a brief visit, paying scrupulous attention to hygiene, is going to be less risky than her keeling over from a heart attack through stress or rushing out to a cafe because she's so desperate for company.
She doesn't hear well over the phone and can't use the internet - it scares her - so it's going to be a tough few weeks or months.
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Does she have a phone designed for the hard of hearing? My aunt had one, it was actually easier to speak to her on the phone than shout at her in the flesh (refused to wear hearing aids).
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Does she have a phone designed for the hard of hearing? My aunt had one, it was actually easier to speak to her on the phone than shout at her in the flesh (refused to wear hearing aids).
No, because her hearing is perfect - there are just lots of problems with the phone lines ;D
So, turned up this morning with my own mug for tea, dropped my coat on the doormat so I didn't bring it into the flat, just in case, washed my hands like mad, sat over 2 metres away for a chat and then told her I was going shopping. "oh, I'm coming with you" Major argument but I had no way of preventing her from actually leaving the house. So all I could do was ensure she walked well away from me and fortunately did convince her not to come into any shops (apart from the bookshop, where she spotted an elderly friend, also in poor health ::) ) I was hopping mad - a morning booked off work (when I'm short of money anyway) and a 90 minute round trip, all to save her going out, and then she goes out anyway!
Her town was filled with elderly people, people in wheelchairs...all carrying on as normal. I give up.
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;D
Parents! They just won't do as they're told >:(
Ours is a little easier, she's too decrepit to negotiate the farm track so she can only go out when someone takes her.
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Hello ladies
Just like Stellajane we are not in this position anymore but my heart goes out to you all.
Our town was also full of old people going about their usual business. On the one hand I don't blame them but of course they are taking a risk and possibly spreading the virus. I know several very lively and healthy over seventies whose mental health would suffer if they can't go out.
I think this thread is a good idea but I am also worried about young people who won't be able to socialise if all their entertainment venues close down. Working from home can also be a lonely experience at any age.
Wishing you all well.
K.
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It's not transferred in breathing on someone as first thought. It may be transmitted that way but is more likely to be passed by surface contamination.
Also if people have been visiting relatives etc. any Germ may well have been passed on. Hand washing in hot soapy water, surface cleansing ... steering wheels, door handles into and out of shops though I forget earlier ::)
I think a certain age group have a couldn't care less attitude, after all they came through the War ........ as well as "I've had my Life Dear" ::) and if your Mum wants to go shopping it's at least company. I don't know what the distance might be as it's in metres !
Young people will be fine. They have gadget which are glued to their ears >:(.
This is about elderly relatives. Also, mine wouldn't listen anyway because I am her daughter :(
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That's been pointed out in the press today, how to diffuse personal issues.
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;D
Parents! They just won't do as they're told >:(
Ours is a little easier, she's too decrepit to negotiate the farm track so she can only go out when someone takes her.
To be fair, I'm now wondering if some of them felt they had little choice, since I came home to see on our local FB Coronavirus support group, a plea from an elderly couple who are self isolating, have no family to help and who have been told the soonest ANY supermarket can deliver to them is 30th March - and they had no food in the house. Fortunately, thanks to the group, they now have sufficient food to last them for the next two weeks, but otherwise, their choices would have been go out and shop or starve for two weeks! And many others their age may not have internet access to ask for help!
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The power of the internet!
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I/we look after my OHs mother. She has vascular dementia.
She doesn't go out unless OH takes her.
So, we are all being scrupulously clean, and cautious.
We do everything for her, except her washing, which she still manages to do herself. Even tho it's very minimal.
She's 72. Very frail, and unsteady.
It just wouldn't take much, if you know what I mean.
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I distrust government advice, they've changed their minds too many times to be believable. We don't know when a person becomes infectious, is it really only when they develop symptoms or could it be before? The outbreak in Italy started from someone who didn't know he had it. And surfaces - he is handling her pills. If there are bugs in his breath they have to land somewhere, and I don't think we really know how long they live for. A health worker is (rightly) protected with full ppi and face mask, yet on old person won't catch it with an infected person in their home as long as they're 6 feet away? It doesn't add up. Agree about the loneliness though.
Research shows that it is before, from what I've read - which is partly why it has spread so fast - many people are out and about shedding viruses before they know they're infected. This is partly driving the current strategy to try to limit the wanton spread of this thing I imagine.
I have a very elderly close relative (90's) living in her own house still and I am only visiting her to go for a walk with her or help her with her gardening (when the weather warms up). Will not go inside. Fortunately she doesn't need any care and still drives (eek!). Before the restrictions I advised her to stock up a couple of weeks ago in anticipation of all of this and heled her with that. She drives to the next village to shop at local village store but keeps her distance and is scrupulous about washing her hands.
It's NOW and over the next few weeks especially that we need to be VERY strict about social distancing as we really don't know who is incubating it - especially since chief scentific advisor suggests there could be 50K infected. We won't begin to see a slowing of the rate of increase in cases from this pandemic in UK for at least 2 - 3 weeks after the measures were introduced until they start to show an effect.
Did I read somewhere that the very elderly may have greater immunity then just ordinary older people - perhaps they have been exposed to similar coronviruses or something in their long lives or their longevity is due to very robust immune system? Might be way off beam there?
Yes fantastic load of help groups being set up in all communities - mainly through FB which elderly people don't tend to use - but at least their younger relatives can help them to access the vast amount of volunteer help out there.
Hurdity x
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I know exactly what you mean jillydoll. My MIL won't survive it either. One worry less, we've decided to take DD out of school. It seems many other parents have already made the decision. Rumour has it they will shut at the weekend anyway. Just hope she isn't already infected - she might regret it, she will be running the farm if we're ill!
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Yes fantastic load of help groups being set up in all communities - mainly through FB which elderly people don't tend to use - but at least their younger relatives can help them to access the vast amount of volunteer help out there.
Hurdity x
Our local group is a Facebook based one, but a local printer has printed off a load of leaflets & they are organising a distribution rota, to try to leaflet as many households in the town as possible - they've also put notices up in shops, GP surgeries etc, to try to ensure that those with no internet access are informed of who to call for help.
The church I attend is also leafleting their surrounding streets to offer help, especially as all services & events have now been cancelled - only problem with that is that by the time we take out the over 70s and those who have, or live with those who have compromised immune systems, there aren't many of us left. We have an incredibly high number of families dealing with cancer, MS etc, etc.
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I think that the postcard/ribbon system should be liaised through GPs and District Nurses. Also people need to not throw the postcards away initially in case they require assistance further down the line ::).
It's the over 70s that are being asked not to interact with others. Some stores have opened up specific times for those age groups to buy items as it is almost impossible to get a delivery slot. The important issue remains: wash down surfaces. This is what I would expect the Store managers to instigate now that it is known that the virus lives on hard surfaces for several days if left alone.
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My dad managed to get to his surgery to get his head dressed. He had skin cancer on top of his head last year and the skin graft has refused to heal, so he has to get it dressed twice a week. He's been really poorly with sickness and diarrhoea, so unable to attend for a a couple of weeks. The surgery was virtually empty and the nurse was waiting for him. They have got rather fond of him it seems. He's been reassured that he will be visited by one of the nurses once a week and given plenty of dressings for mum to apply. She can't put whatever they put on it though. Dad's 94. Their neighbours have stepped up looking after them it seems. Even their plumber has rung to see how they are! People are so kind. I've taken to ringing every day as I can't visit.
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It's also contact isn't it? Someone to say 'It's OK I will do it for you'.
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PF - I think it's a bit insensitive 4 the Care Staff to get your Mum to wave at you without being able to make contact :-\. Makes you both unhappy. Did you ring to see how she is today? Hopefully the Care Home will have a good sanitising system in place for Staff and residents!
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Hopefully Nurses will be with any patient that passes on whilst in Care or Hospital :-\. It never crossed my mind that someone would not be beside a terminal patient. So why is there such a fuss on TV about 'we will be there for your relative' :-\. It's the least that I would expect.